On this week's episode, Colleen got carried away at the Halloween store and we are in fully spooky mode! Our weekends consisted of Colleen getting a concussion and stalking James Kennedy while Bridget has become a full blown couch potato with the key takeaway that this season of Love is Blind is TRASH. Then we get into the topic of the week... THE SALEM WITCH TRIALS. Travel back in time with us to 1692 as Bridget explains how this even happened and why it escalated so quickly. We talk about the accusers, the accused, the corrupt court of Oyer and Terminer and why 12 months has stained American history for 300+ years. We end with a game of "what Celebrity would be accused of witchcraft" and some positive stories of the week. You'll want to hide your witch's mark and stay away from the pee pastries for this one!! #BermudaShorts #ItGetsSoMuchWorse
Sources:
Positive Stories of the Week:
Review and subscribe! You can find us on Instagram @Sippinwiththeshannons or send us your stories at Sippinwiththeshannons@gmail.com. Love you, mean it.
On this week's episode, Colleen got carried away at the Halloween store and we are in fully spooky mode! Our weekends consisted of Colleen getting a concussion and stalking James Kennedy while Bridget has become a full blown couch potato with the key takeaway that this season of Love is Blind is TRASH. Then we get into the topic of the week... THE SALEM WITCH TRIALS. Travel back in time with us to 1692 as Bridget explains how this even happened and why it escalated so quickly. We talk about the accusers, the accused, the corrupt court of Oyer and Terminer and why 12 months has stained American history for 300+ years. We end with a game of "what Celebrity would be accused of witchcraft" and some positive stories of the week. You'll want to hide your witch's mark and stay away from the pee pastries for this one!! #BermudaShorts #ItGetsSoMuchWorse
Sources:
Positive Stories of the Week:
Review and subscribe! You can find us on Instagram @Sippinwiththeshannons or send us your stories at Sippinwiththeshannons@gmail.com. Love you, mean it.
girl, he ain't alone. I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me. He's just a poor boy from a overstimulated. This is your fault. I was feeling inspired today. And what happened? I went to the store and then I went there for cinnamon and then I ended up walking out with all these items Which are? Two hats. One is a wizard and the other one is, it really just spoke to me and it said this is Bridget It's a it's a witch hat. It's sparkly. It's blue. And then I left with Skella, a skeleton friend For my dear old friend Skelly, which, who you may remember from last year. Yeah, I have a gold I have a gold friend here. I'm glad that you like her. Hello, ma'am. She seems to really be taking a liking to you. She looks like she's doing the Macarena right now. Yeah, he he's she's definitely more with it than Skelly. Hey, Margarita. She's more, uh, what's the word? Uh, bendable? Flexible? He's been through something. He took a big, a long, hard fall off of a refrigerator. Oh, he's seen some things. He has seen some things. He's probably covered in germs, honestly. He's been just about everywhere. And now, he's with us, where he should be. In the pod room, during spooky season. Always pour spilled salt over your left shoulder. Know what witches say? I don't know. Uh, Hi everybody. Hey. Welcome to this week's episode of Sippin with the Shannons. We're cousins and each week we sit down, we sip on some wine, we talk some shit, and we have a good giggle. I'm Bridget Shannon. And I'm Colleen Shannon. And we are brought to you by Skeletons. He looks like he's doing the Thriller right now. Do you have a favorite Halloween song? I know we did movies last week, what about song? No, I don't actually other than tiptoe through the window. It's a scary song. Oh, okay Do you have a favorite Halloween song? Honestly, the first thing that came to mind is a song from the Book of Mormon called spooky Mormon. Hell dream I don't think that's what you meant. I do think that that adds up I'm okay with like The monster mash, the mash, it was a graveyard smash. I'm instantly in the third grade, like popping my pussy in a tank, in a tank top, in a tube top, in Bermuda shorts, in a sweaty gym, at the Harvest Dance, in a limited to bedazzled, correct, and a cowgirl hat at the Harvest Dance. Get the fuck out of here, cowgirl hat. Yeah, the Harvest Dance. What khakis, like true khakis that are beige? Uh, no, they were probably plaid. Even in October. I I'm having a hard time visualizing this outfit. So Because it the record. My Super Bowl when I was younger was the Harvest Dance. And it was in You are so To Catholic school, you know, old crusty old gym. They would put like hay bales and like scarecrows everywhere and you would come in your finest attire. And I vividly remember wearing a cowgirl hat one year. I don't know why. Your finest Bermuda shorts you could find. A tank top. And I, the cotton eyed Joe, was cotton eyed yelling. And until sweat dripped down my little body. Oh, and then one year, yeah, they did giveaways and I want a motherfucking bike. I felt like the Queen of England. I got to wield the bike out of the gym, and in my brain, everyone was behind me, running behind me like, God, I have never had more confidence in my life. Oh my God, I just baby Colleen who wanted all the attention in the world rolling out a bike on Halloween, on All Hallows Eve even, and then when you get outside that crisp fall air just hit you in the face. And then you immediately call your dad and be like, Can you come pick me up? I don't want to ride my bike all day. Oh, they were there. No, my parents were there. They were at the Harvest Dance as well. Was there like a chorus of children singing? I did a lot of choruses when I was in elementary school. No. No, not at a chorus. Not at the Harvest Dance. But do you know what I mean, where they have children get up and like, sing something for the people? Sure, yeah. Give the people what they want? Yeah, yeah, we had a spring concert one year, I forgot, and I was in my, I showed up in my uniform and I called my mom and I threw a hissy fit and told her I had to go home because I was so embarrassed. But yes, we did do. Sing songs. Great. For the crowd. Oh, lord. For the crowd! How was your weekend? It was good. What'd you do? It was really great. Great. so on Friday, I had received word that James Kennedy I got the tea that James motherfucking Kennedy was gonna be staying where I work and was going to be doing a show where I work, okay? I was following his Instagram stories all day James Kennedy of Real Housewives No, from Vanderpump Rules Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Oh my god, I'm so sorry. And at the beginning seasons, everyone kind of hated James. He was really fucking annoying. He called him a poopoo head. Tom Scannavale. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He called him, a worm with a mustache. Yes. Yes. So, at the beginning seasons, though, he was very much hated. He had, like, an alcohol problem. He was cuckoo bananas. Like, a little twerp that you could just, like, beat the shit out of, basically. Okay, great. He got really funny, and his character development was iconic. And that's on growth. So, we love him now, right? So, I'm like, of course, I'm first in this motherfucking door to get in. It sold out. Gasp. And I also, like, I'm just going about my work day knowing he's in the fucking building. That's not happening. So, you know, I'm minding my business and I might have, you know, trolled his Instagram stories to see exactly where he was at every single minute in which he was in the building. I asked everybody and pretended like I, like, didn't know, like I'd go up to the front desk and I'm like, is he staying here? I'm like, what? What's he doing? Have you seen this man? Have you seen him? Can you show a picture of him? Have you seen anyone who looks like this man? So then he, Instagram stories. And I was like, uh huh. So, we're gonna go, and we're gonna lurk. You did not lurk around this man in the gym. Yes, I, I was literally in the middle of my workday and pretended like I needed to go talk to somebody in, like, the gym spa area. And I lurked. And I, finagled my way in to get his schedule for his, treatments he was going to be receiving. Get the fuck out of here, Colleen. You psycho. I gave a worker my cell phone number so she could text me when she saw him. Like, I was on, I was on standby. I was on standby, I don't know. Red alert. I didn't even have plans to speak to him. I was just going to look at him. That was it. That's somehow even worse. Fucking creep. It's giving the woman in the window. It's giving Joe from you. As we've said multiple times on this podcast. So I, you know, I work, I work my ass off to try to see him. I kind of give up for a minute. I'm like, okay, I know he has a treatment later in the afternoon, so I'll try to catch him then. Kind of forget about it. Okay. I go down to like the security offices and I'm like, hey, hey guys. What's going on? Anybody know anything about like anybody anything where he's playing tonight like You know, does anybody know how I could, like, get in? Sorry, what does he play? So he's a DJ. Of course he fuckin is. Technically. Sorry. Yeah, sorry I even asked. So he's a DJ, so he's DJing at the club. So, I'm like, hmm, hey guys, like, and I get the immediate response, Ugh, you wanna see that asshat? yes sir, I would absolutely love to see that asshat, if you don't mind. So I finagled my way in and I got on the guest list to go see James Kennedy at the club. I was so excited. so I'm like, okay, if I can at least like not see him, like I'll at least see him later, like it's fine. So then I'm minding my business and I'm walking through one of the restaurants. that is, like, just actually doing work. Like, working. Imagine that. I looked to my right. This motherfucker is sitting at the goddamn table eating a burger. I could've died. I walked right by and I was like, oh my God, oh my God. And I was as close, like, this is as close as we were. And I saw him. Like, I literally was just going like this. And I was like, oh my God. He had on, glasses, so he was like, being inconspicuous. Is that the word? I don't know. Was that that was a big word for me. Yeah, you you nailed it. Okay, cool. So then I walked by, I like, did my work, and then I was like, secretly tweaking, and like, being like, oh my god, guys, he's here, he's here! So then I walked by again, and I just like, kind of did a double take, and then he was actually looking at me. So then I was like, oh my god, like, good luck tonight. And what'd he say? And he was like, thank you! Like, will I see you there? In his like, little British accent. I was like, yes you will, actually, because I just finagled my hand. I'd rather die than miss it. Because I literally tried to sell my soul today to figure out where you were. As if I haven't I just need a vial of your blood. As if I haven't been stalking you for the entirety of my workday. So that was that. I was successful. I found my way into James Kennedy. So you not only got into the same room with him to look at him, you spoke to him and you saw him DJ. Yes. That is 10, Colleen. So here's the thing. Oh boy. Oh Jesus. What? So we went to go see him later and, you know, I'm like, I don't want to spend money at the place of which I work. So like, we brought tequila in, which we probably shouldn't have done, but it's fine. Did you get kicked out because you brought your own tequila? Oh my god, no! I'm better than that. I at least know what the hell they go about it, like... Okay, good. I see people get in trouble all the time. So, we put like, Casamigos in our purse, me, Erin, and Fiona go. he's terrible. Ha ha ha! Spoiler alert! No! I love him dearly. Love him, but he just needs to remain on reality TV, like, my skin was crawling. No, that's the worst. And we were like, unwell, like, obviously we were, we were drinking, you know, and I've been drinking. I've been drinking. And, you know, we saw the head, like, little foam heads of his popping up in the crowd, like, the signs were all saying like, Pompatini, like, it was, it was cute, right? Yeah, yeah, on brand. Then he came on and he's like, taking off his shirt and just like, popping his little body all around the stage and just like, Yeah. Oh, it was, it was tough to watch. It was cringy. The music was fun, the music was great, like we had a wicked good time, but if you really watched them you were like, woof. Like this is hard to watch. Difficult to watch. In a woof. In a woof. And then eventually some guy comes up and is like, hey do you want to come to our table? Obviously. Like, I'll take a free drink if and or but, like, anyway. Yeah. Of course. That's a yes. So we go upstairs, so it's kind of far away, so like He could've looked like he crawled onto earth, and I would've been like, yeah. So he did, kind of. I mean, he wasn't that bad looking, but like, he just wasn't Do you know what I mean, though? Yeah. Not in the sense that tables are like, ooh, but it's like, oh, you get free drinks all night and I can be a part of that with my girlfriends. Yeah. Correct. And I did, I did watch Fiona at one point, like look at a girl next to us at the table and goes, is this safe? Like just me. Cause you know me, I'd be like, I'd be licking like tequila off of like the floor and she's like, is this safe? And then after that, she was fine. we finagle drinks out of this man. Next to us is a whole ass bride, like in her gown with the bridal party. Oh. I just, I don't, I'm not, I'm not trying to judge, but I just can't imagine spending my Did they have a Venmo saying, Brad got married, and then you could buy her drinks? I'm not, no, but imagine spending your wedding night at the club. Yeah, no, I can't. At James Kennedy. At James Kennedy. Also, respectfully, the worst table in the club. It's your wedding night, you couldn't sparge for a better table, like. Oh, God. No, I'm sorry, if you are gonna do that, you are upstairs in the corner. Oh, you can't even. Do you mean full wedding gown? No, like she came from her wedding. Bustled training and everything? Veil. The veil. Oh. She had the fucking veil on. It was the whole last party. I don't know who the groom was. so yeah, we pussy popped. He was missing. Um,, we pussy popped with some random strangers. And, Yeah, it was fine. And then we, the minute they turned their back, we, off into the moonlight, we went. Dip, dip, dip, dip, dip. Off into the moonlight. At one point, we got the man to buy another bottle and make the sign say Fiona. Oh, I saw that video. And he came out, and I was like, we legitimately do not release people. Like, this is the funniest thing. And... Yeah, we didn't know them, and then shortly after, you know, we just disappeared into the night. Irish exited the fuck out of there. Irish exited, and then we went home, and I was so hungover the next morning. I don't I think it was because we tried to Multiple alcohols, my friend. No, I only drank tequila, but I think we tried, like, to be drunker, like, earlier in the night, and quickly, more quickly than usual because we also just, like, had nips in our bags, so, like, you know what I mean? Oh, so you were taking shots. Yeah, like, that's, that's it. Period. I brought, I brought a baggie of limes in my purse. Yeah. Oh, Colleen. Just really tempting the devil. Tell me you're down bad without telling me you're down bad. I mean, we put some oranges in there, too, you know? Tell me you owe the government without telling me you owe the government. No, it just, like, really hurt my brain to have to spend money at my place of work. Yeah, and also, Just knowing what I know about said place and how expensive the drinks are, absolutely fucking, literally not. Yeah, so I didn't, didn't know such a thing, I said, fair, call me a scammer if you like, I'll take it. so the next morning I'm like, unwell, I obviously have to work because I just can't say no. And I go to work, I'm so unwell, I'm the only one there, and I actually at one point, like, had T come in, my nephew, because he was gonna work at night anyways. Oh, you mean waitressing work? Yes, yeah. I thought you meant you went back into the office. No, no, no, so I was waitressing. my normal waitressing shift, I usually waitress every Saturday, for those who do not know. I'm a terrible waitress. Okay, but you should definitely all go and support Colleen and have her be your waitress, because I think that would be fucking hilarious. Please do. Please, please do. Thank you. I was so unwell. At one point I looked up and I was like, I have 13 tables right now at one moment and like, I'm so unwell. So T came in and like, just ran my food. Like, Nephew, go. Yeah, pop off. And he's like, you better chip me good. I'm like, I am your blood, you're getting nothing. I'm like, I have no will to live. So then I end up my, end my shift, right? Yeah. I go to get my stuff from my thing. Fuckin God, get me the fuck outta here. Like, I was so busy that the coffee Finally! I made that morning was still on the counter. Like, I had not even drank the coffee. It was like 3 p. m. Wow. Yeah. That's when you know, guys, she never misses a coffee. That is when you know. Yeah. Well, I, I, yeah, I think if I had put it in my body I would have thrown it up anyways, but not the point. I knock it over as I'm leaving, and I'm grabbing my bag in, like, the back room. It falls into this, like, annoying fucking crevice that I'm like, Oh, I have to lean in and get it. So I go to lean in and get it, but I just am so unwell and so out of it, I just somehow miss the fucking steel safe, and I completely hit the corner. Yes, I remember this part. My head off the corner of the safe so hard that I legitimately, like, it was a movie. I saw... Uh, like a, what word am I looking for, like a firework in my brain. Is that the way to describe it? You went towards the bright light for a minute. Yes, like I experienced the light. And I was like, that was black, it went black and then it went boom. And I was like, oh, something has happened. So then I stood there for a minute going, uh, uh, like just making like weird noises. I rise. Of course, there's no motherfucking witnesses, because why would there be? Oh, I wish I had video footage. And I like half kind of crawl out of the back room, and I look at my manager and he goes, You are bleeding. And I said, What? There's a string of blood going from my head down to my eyeball. I saw the photo. Mm hmm. And I said, I must go home. I grabbed my things and I left and I sat in the car for like 20 minutes and was like, Where am I? What is going on? So that's what some people call a concussion. Correct. So that definitely happened to me. it was a fine. I went home, I drove to my parents house and then I kind of like was laying on the couch like, sideways with my wafer thing apron on. Good. My mom was like feeding me stuff. Oh my god. And then, but I had, I had plans. So I had to go to my friend's, cause she was gonna ask me to be a bridesmaid. So I had to go and, but my friend Megan picked me up so I didn't have to drive. So I was basically like their incapacitated child. A vegetable at this fucking For the evening. But I still brought that motherfucking pickle pizza to the place. That's what I that was my role. And I knew my role. Whether I had one brain cell or not, I made it there. You brought the pickle pizza. I brought the pickle pizza. My actual nightmare. Pickle pizza. I hate pickles. It's my wet dream. It's like bar pizza too. It's so good. So yeah, come visit me and come eat it. How about that, bitches? Yeah, so that I was asked to be a bridesmaid. It was fun. It was flirty. It was exciting. I went home Everyone's like I'm like, you know hope to wake up tomorrow. LOL like not sure cuz I just haven't that's not fucking funny I know but it's just like what am I supposed to do about it? I gotta go to sleep. I'm tired Lord, I had Pats tickets the next day. I had to go with Pat's. Oh my God. So I awaken. So while all of this is happening, you shouldn't be drinking? No, I wasn't that night at all. Mm-hmm. The next day I woke up and I had a beverage or two. Oh, Jesus. I was in the Pat's. Okay. You know, they were calling for me. I mean, they fucking blew anyways. Mm-hmm. So, they lost 34 to 0. Yeah, they're terrible. It was terrible. I actually, I was a little unwell. Like, at one point I like forgot to talk for a while and Aaron was like, Are you okay? I was like, No, you're concussed. I couldn't even finish like full sentences. I could not process a thought. Oh, God, it was bad. I had a big ass egg on my head. but it's okay. I'm here now. She's here. Semi thriving. Yeah, and now I'm here, and I'm Spooky season is in full effect, and that's it. Okay. How about you? I went to Chicago for work. I love Chicago. I got to see my cousin Sean and his girlfriend Marina, who I'm obsessed with. How is he? They're just lovely. Divine. I'm just obsessed with them. Uh, I love Chicago. Honestly, if it wasn't colder than Boston, I would move there. Really? Yeah. Love Chicago. Didn't see that for you. Got home really late Thursday night, baked, potatoed my ass on the couch all weekend. I literally caught up on Golden Bachelor. Ooh, what did we like? Obsessed. Okay. It is the most pure television show on the planet. I never want it to end. I love Gary. I would die for him. He is such a wonderful human in all the women. It is a little sad because a lot of them have... Partners who have passed away and this is their second chance at love, but that's what makes it so wholesome! How old is he? Just out of curiosity. He's 71, I believe. Oh, good for him! Yeah. Pop off. Basher in Paradise, complete trash. I watched all of Love is Blind, the ones that are available so far. I have never watched a show where there isn't one likable person. Every season of Love is Blind... There has been at least a couple to root for or someone where you're like, hell yeah, get it girl. The most unlikable, unwell people on the planet. I, I can't believe any of them are getting married, let alone the ones that are. I'm so disappointed with this season. But I also watched all of Sex Education. It was the last season. I'm devastated. It's one of my favorite shows. And then I watched the movie Fair Play and Reptile. So I literally have an ass imprint on my couch from this weekend. But I needed it. I really needed it. It's a whodunit. Someone else told me to watch it, that's why I'm asking. It's a thriller murder mystery. I will say it feels scarier than it actually is. It's the music. I love that. You would love it. You would, it is kind of a mindfuck and there's a big twist. You would really love Reptile. Noted. Fair Play is a new movie on Netflix where it's about a couple who work together who pretend they don't know each other at work. Interesting. And it's about one of them getting a promotion and the reaction from the other one even though they're super power career hungry and how their entire relationship falls at the seams. But they just got engaged. So it's But it's all a secret? At work it is. That's crazy. Yeah. So that's pretty crazy. But yeah, I just watched a lot of TV. I went out to drinks with Jesse and Orin and talked about their wedding because I just can't get enough of my Italy trip and want to talk about it forever and ever. The content is simply iconic. I just want to move to Italy. And then I got brunch with some of my besties and then I did research on this topic. Went down into a deep dark hole and then never came up for air. So, you'll see why, but yeah. I'm amped. I'm so excited. Quick sidebar, I saw a TikTok the other day of this woman saying something along the lines of like, I overshare because I think I'm more tolerable with context. And if people understand, Oh, that's why, that's why she is the way she is. That makes you more bearable. And I've never felt more attacked in my life. God, that's such a weird way to think. Really? Yeah. I think that's so on the nose. Hmm. Interesting. I'll let that one simmer. Yeah. You, you simmer on that. But yeah, I've been eating a lot of home cooked meals, drinking a lot of water, and watching a lot of television because that's what my body needed. My ankles are finally down to their normal sides, size. Skinner ankle. The bones are popping out. They're making me very proud. Gorgeous. They're so gorgeous. Are we... Now I'm here with a skeleton on my fuckin lap and a witch hat on, so... That's where I'm at. And what's wrong with that? That's why... It's October! It's motherfuckin spooky season. Mmm. Um...... Oh, just lost my train of thought, naturally. Forget, forget it. Sure we're not surprised. I know you won't watch Love is Blind, but I do think you should watch The Golden Bachelor, because I think you would love it. Okay. Erin's been watching a lot of, uh, Love is Blind, I've been listening. It's too much for me. It's too, too much. This particular season is awful. Like, I, one guy, his name's JP, he only wears red, white, and blue. That's disgusting. He loves America. And he told told His fiancee that when she came out she was wearing too much makeup and it was caked on and she had fake eyelashes on and He would just prefer that she wear no makeup. He just thought to himself. Is this something I'm gonna have to put up with every day And just said you just came off as super fake because of your makeup And that's why things have been so awkward between us for days because of your makeup because of the makeup from the moment I saw you even though at that point they'd done the reveal and then they'd been together four days where she barely wore an ounce of makeup and was in like a t shirt and shorts and dresses with no makeup on. Was this a blonde girl? Yeah. Oh, I know exactly what you're talking about. It is so painful. I give her so much credit. She like walks away from him at one point. She's like, I'm not going to have this conversation with you anymore. He says something along the lines of, 90% of women would love to hear that. I would prefer you without makeup. Men who use a fake army and a fake percentage drive me nuts. That is one, not accurate. Two, the makeup isn't for fucking you. In three, sit on it and twist. You can take your statistic and show your fake statistic that does not exist with this fake female army who somehow backs you in this. Mm-hmm. And sit on it and twist. Take a long walk off a short talk. Toodaloo. I want to hear everyone's thoughts on Love is Blind. There was that one couple that gave me the ick because when they revealed or whatever, they were like, oh, she's like, um,, it was awkward. Like they were like, no, it's wicked or out of things to talk about. Like, no, we're not in the pod. And then they're just like, oh, the one that keeps calling the guy sugar butt or whatever. Yes. End it. End it. Or I will. JP and Taylor. That's them. Oh, yeah. I mean, he's cute, but now that he's opened his mouth, it's ruined. Ruined. And then after they meet, he literally does not speak. Ah. It gets so awkward or uncomfortable and she's like, what is going on with you? And that was his reason why it was awkward or uncomfortable, because she had caked on makeup and fake eyelashes. Woof. Dick. Big ol dick. I can't. I don't have the strength. Men are just trash! I don't have the strength! Speaking of, I really can't stand when, you know how we talk about all the time, like, when men can't handle their alcohol? Yeah. There were so many of them at the Pats game. I'm like, get a fucking grip. Yeah, the Pats game specifically where they're tailgating all day and being hot messes. Yeah, I was at a bar, like, the sun is up, and this guy is like, I'm not kidding, like, one eye is going one way, one's going the other. I'm like... He's like, it's so nice to meet you! I'm like... I'm like, how about let's mix in water? I'm like, hi, my name is Colleen. It's so great to meet you. I'm like, I know it's not the sun is up and you look like this. No. What time of day are we talking? it was probably. 1. 30. No! Yeah. No! And they're like spitting when they're talking. It's just like, read, read the room, read it, get a fucking grip, cause we don't have the time, or the strength, and that's the tea sale. Okay, everybody, let's get into this week's topic. I've been having the weirdest dreams. I just want to say that from the jump. Why? Oh, God. Because I'm just reading and watching and it's all consuming. But I also had to take off the witch's hat. I'm sorry. It was making me sweat. I am doing the Salem Witch Trials. This has been written down in my notes to do since you did your spooky episode last year. I was like, oh my god, we learned about this when we were kids, but we never covered it. Like, we should do this next year for Halloween. Good lord, every time I pick one of these goddamn topics, I'm like, this is gonna be pretty simple, right? No, no, no. Deep, deep, deep, dark hole. Okay. Just right up front resources on obscured season one of this podcast. It's 12 episodes. Oh, it's hosted by Aaron Mankey. He is a delight. He does an incredible deep dive of every single nitty gritty detail you could have ever wanted to know. So if. What we give you is not enough. Please feel free to go over to that podcast and we'll link everything. A brief history on the Salem Witch Trials from Smithsonian Magazine, the Salem Witch Trials from History, and Puritan People and Ideas from PBS. I'm so glad we're an educational podcast these days. And also just like every Wikipedia page and Reddit. Deep dark hole you could go down. So here we go. Also, I'm gonna throw a lot of names at you So I need you to just bear with me Everyone is connected in some way because it's all a super small town I actually a part of me going through this was like Colleen would love to live here during this time Because everybody knows everything And it's the small town gossipy rumor mill that you would live for. I live for the TikToks that are like, POV, you're me watching an execution and they're like just chit chatting. Oh, that girl Erin on TikTok. And they're like, her, her now. Like, oh my god, I knew it. I'm just telling you, I saw something. Yeah. Living for it. So, this is going to be a long episode. I'm just warning everyone up front. Wait, you can see the time. You don't need to know that. Colleen, this is going to be a long episode, just so you know. Oh, yay! So, let's set the scene here because context is super important for the story. Okay. From the 1300s to the 1600s, leading up to the Salem Witch Trials. Okay. Are you with me? Yes. I know you hate time, but that's time. There had been a widespread panic in Europe around the supernatural. They were terrified that witches were not only real, but given powers in exchange for loyalty to the devil. And those powers would allow you to control someone's pain, and inflict pain, and all that good stuff. So they correlated with like, demonic behavior? Yes. And it was all tied to religious belief. So. Spoiler alert, at this time, they don't love the devil. They're like, not here for Satan. So Satanism isn't accepted these days? No. No, no, no, no, no. Tens of thousands of people, not so funny, mostly women, were being executed for witchcraft in Europe all of the time. This is the burned at the stake, the kin you float, dropped with a stone on your feet kind of shit. None of that happened during the Sandwich Trials, by the way, which I was really surprised by. Oh yeah, no one was burned at the stake or anything. No. No. But, anyway, so English Puritans saw the New World, America, as a fresh start. It would be more freedom, less conflict, so they hop on a boat and they head over here. And that brings us to a little place called the Salem Village, which for anyone interested is now Danvers, Massachusetts. Not Salem, Salem, Massachusetts. Spoiler alert! But living in Salem village isn't easy at the time. In 1689, the English monarchs are William and Mary, and at the time, we don't have our independence yet, so we still answer to the monarchs. Even though we're in a whole different land? That's correct. They start a war with the French in the American colonies. This is horrible. They're, they're essentially fighting over who gets control over North America, particularly the fur trade. Both sides do absolutely abhorrent things that I'm not even gonna talk about, but it has a massive impact on the people, including Salem Village. They thought, of course, coming over here Life would be better, but they're met with conflict all the time, a lack of resources, like food. They're afraid of death by starvation or exposure because it's cold as hell. They are also afraid because they just got through a smallpox epidemic, so they're afraid everyone's gonna get sick and die, which was very common. You'll see in the story how many kids die or how many spouses die and how many people have three or four marriages. They're also afraid of Native Americans coming to kill them all. So, they're just not thriving. It's, it's Vibes are low. The vibes are low. Let's talk about Puritans for a second. Okay. Because I know you're going to ask me what the fuck is a Puritan. Like a pilgrim? Okay. So, Puritans is a type of religion. Okay. Are they pure? They're so pure. Okay. Okay. And here are my key takeaways. Very high level of Puritans. God is everything, Bible is everything, Church is everything. You work hard, you never, ever, ever miss church, you have self control, and you shut the fuck up about it. I saw somewhere that they believe in the original sin, which is humans are innately sinful because they're tainted by the sins of Adam and Eve, and good can only be accomplished through hard work and self discipline. You just unlocked, like, a weird memory for me as a child. Oh, really? That you learned that in school? The original sentence, yeah. Oh my god. Well, these people are a real hoot and holler. If you're trying to like pussy pop on the weekends, look no further than the Puritans of the 60s. No, of course not! They're all like buttoned up and tight as fuck. I thought the next sentence was going to be like, oh, but they let loose in the nighttime. No, they literally never let loose. That's their thing. They think that. They, when in doubt, they go to the Bible. They don't do anything out of order, and here's why. And this part fuckin set me. They are just gonna follow something that was written by someone they've never met. You mean religion, Colleen? Just like all of the religions? It's just like, who said? I don't have the strength. I'll make my own damn Bible. I don't have the strength for this. According to PBS, the Puritans believed God had chosen a few people called the elect for salvation. The rest of humanity was condemned to internal damnation. But no one really knew if he or she was saved or damned, so Puritans lived in a quote, constant state of spiritual anxiety, searching for signs of God's favor or anger. This really makes a lot of sense. So if you already have anxiety and you're trying to choose which religious lane to jump into, I don't recommend being a Puritan. No. Do they still exist? I'm sure somewhere they do. Damn. There's also no separation between church and state. You are sus if you didn't go to church and could be arrested for it. Got it. So there is, law is church. If that makes any sense. God is law. God is law. That is the perfect way to put it. They see each other. In period. And that's on period. So they come to America to have this religious freedom and live their best period of lives and when they get here it's a hot fucking mess. They feel like the conflict and all the quarreling is because of the devil. I hate when the devil stirs things up. Don't you hate when Satan does that? Ugh, so annoying. And they also feel like they're losing control over their beliefs as people get there and they start to act differently. They also felt like they're building this city on a hill that was pure and all about God and they genuinely felt like if the devil was going to attack anywhere. It was gonna be them. It was gonna be Salem Village because they were building this place that was a little bit diff, but it's also like stop being so self-centered. You think that of the whole universe. You think the devil's up to you. It ain't it. Yeah. Bye. But anyway, while all of this is happening, salem Village cannot figure out a minister for their church, which is their whole livelihood is church. Right? They go through four ministers. It takes them 12 years. Were they just not vibing with the other ones? yeah, there was like a lot of political crap. One family wanted one thing, one family wanted another, and they were both rich. And so they were having trouble paying ministers, number one. And number two, just making sure that they could keep the peace between all the families and the land and all that crap. So they go through for one guy, Leaves after a couple years. Another guy, George Burroughs, he comes up later, so don't forget him. Leaves with a, just on really bad terms. Then they go to another guy, and then, after 12 years, they find their guy. His name is Samuel Parris. This man has a stick so far up his asshole he could taste it. He's hardcore Puritan. His thing is like church over everything and it should get stricter and never loosen up. He's very rigid. He's very greedy and he's just a douche canoe. Okay? Okay. Are you with me? Yep. He held back Baptisms from certain people he just didn't like. Oh. Which, at the time, is the cruelest thing you can do to a Puritan. It's their community. It's their whole life. It's like you're not good enough. It's like taking away someone's water. And I know that sounds super dramatic, but to them, this is everything to them. And to not baptize someone is like, cruel. I mean, it's cruel. Correct. His father got super wealthy from selling humans. Mm hmm. And so... To who? To the people. Slaves. They just like to sell people off the land. So Samuel Parris had two slaves with him, John Indian and Tituba. And Tituba is a huge part of this story, and we will come back to her in a second. Put a pin in Tituba. I love her. Same. You're gonna hear me also say the last name Putnam quite a bit, and I'm gonna talk about them throughout the whole episode many, many, many times. Thomas and Anne Putnam were a wealthy, super prominent family in the Salem village. They have a daughter, Annie. She's the eldest of eight kids. I believe it's eight. They had a six week old baby who passed away unexpectedly, and this comes up later. Okay. Putnam's eight kids, oldest is Annie, had a baby pass away. Little baby Sarah. Unexpectedly, out of nowhere, but at the time, babies passing away was kind of a thing. Also, I should just like, trigger warning this whole episode with like, dead, torture, all the things. All the things. If you just, if that's not your thing, that's totally fine, but just laying that out there. When they had babies during those times, it was just kind of like a, Well, we'll see if it makes it till two. Like, it just... Really. Really not it. Yeah, not it. Another person I want to talk about really briefly before I jump into it is Sarah Goode. Sarah Goode was a really unhappy woman. She had been born into wealth, uh, her family, her father specifically ran a successful pub, but when he died nearly 20 years later, she didn't get any of his fortune. I don't know what happened there. He left her with nothing. Gasp. Her first husband was a farmer, but they took on more debts than they could even imagine. And so... He took out debts, too, and then he dies, so now she has double the debt. She has his and hers. Relatable. Her second husband, William Good, uh, thought he could help her, but they both get buried in it. They have two kids. They have a four year old daughter named Dorothy, and they have an infant, and they had to sell everything they owned to escape the debt. They sell their house, they sell everything, and now they're completely homeless. And Sarah Good was known for bringing the four year old Dorothy up to houses and begging for food. And when she got turned away, she would, like, mutter under her breath. Rude things it's giving based off of what I heard like creature from Harry Potter Like she would just mutter rude shit under her breath all the time, but also like creature She had a very unpleasant life, and instead of having empathy for her, they treated her like a freak, and they thought she was weird, and she went to Samuel Parris house, who is the minister. He literally runs the church in the area, and he fed Dorothy, the daughter, and then he turned her away, and when she started muttering, he was like, that creeps me out. Well, you're the minister. Maybe give her some sort of sanctuary? I don't know. Maybe have some fucking empathy? We'll come back to her. That's Sarah Good. in January 1692, this is when it all starts. Oh god. The minister, Samuel Parris, has two girls in his home. His daughter, Betty, who's 9, and his niece, Abigail, who's 11 years old. Oh god, I know that bitch. They fall sick with something. They're screaming, they throw things, their bodies would contort, they would hallucinate and see shapes in the room of people pinching and stabbing and terrorizing them and tormenting them and Samuel Parris and his wife are at a complete loss. They're completely out of their depth. So they call a doctor named William Griggs and he comes over. He's like the doctor in the village and there's literally only him. No pressure. Right. And he says the girls were, quote, under an evil hand, which at the time referred to the devil, possession, witchcraft, etc. Got it. So the Paris are beside themselves. This goes on for weeks. They don't know what to do. So in February, they head to a lecture to meet with other members of the community to seek advice, see if anyone knows what the hell to do with these girls. Yeah, it's not like they could, like, post on Facebook for advice. Right, they're not like... Hey, new case over here, Grey's Anatomy. Has anyone ever seen this before? Dr. House, where are you at with your, Prognosis. Diagnosis. Diagnosis. Uh, so watching the girls at home while the parents are away at the lecture. Was it Tichouba? Our two slaves, named John Indian, Tichaba, and a woman named Mary Sibley. Mary Sibley is a very pregnant neighbor of the Paris and she's apparently there to be helpful. She's not, while watching the girls, Mary Sibley is like, Hey, I have an idea. I heard that, you know, they're under evil hand. We should bake a witch's cake. To rid them of their symptoms, because this worked back in England. Oh, okay. So they just heard that through the grapevine? Are you ready for the recipe? I'm so sick, no. John and Ian collected the urine from each girl. Oh, for fuck's sake. Mixed it in with flour to form a dough, baked it as a biscuit, and then fed them to the family dog. Because in English lore, the dog would tell you who the witches were. So if he like barked at them or something? I'm sorry, are we using, like, dog at airports for drugs? For urine, witches? You made a urine scone, and you want the dog. To tell you what the fuck is happening. Leave the dogs out of it. Not the pea pastry. Not the pea pastry The fuck? So not only He's barking probably because it tastes like shit. Exactly. So not only did this not help, but both girls seemed to have an Insane increase in all of their symptoms. It was so dramatic that when their parents got home They were shocked at how worse things were. Oh, wow. Popping off. Both girls then claimed that there was someone attacking them in the room and it was tba. Oh no, the slave. And when TBA explains to Sam Paris about the witch's cake, he lips out, actually flips out now at this little lecture. He had already told town officials and ministers what was going on. So this little private family moment, all of those people then went home. And now, the whispers have started that there is a witch in Salem and no one is safe. No, kids are safe because if they would attack a minister's daughter and niece They'd attack anyone. Right. No one is safe! This particular weekend, there was a really bad snowstorm because you know what? New England is nothing if not consistent in February. Fair. Tough time to be in New England. So the day after the event with the Paris girls in the urine biscuit, right? Elizabeth Hubbard was walking through the snow towards her home. She's around 17 years old. She lived with her great aunt and uncle. Her uncle was William Griggs, the doctor who diagnosed the Paris girls. Okay, got it. So she obviously. Had some insight into what was going on in the Paris house. She wasn't really seen as a niece or a daughter to them She was more of a servant girl. She was like their house girl. Okay, like ran their errands. Very Cinderella story. Yes Elizabeth felt like she's being followed. So she walked home in the snow. She keeps turning around looking behind her. She's like, what is it? What is it? She doesn't see anything When she gets closer to home She claims to see a wolf. Not only a wolf, she claims it's a familiar. A familiar is an animal that's acting under the control of a witch as a servant or a helper. So a witch bewitches an animal to like go do its bidding in whatever. Like it's, yeah, very, I feel like a Disney movie. It's very much like the eels in Little Mermaid. Ready for this jump? She tells her great uncle that not only did she see a wolf that was controlled by a witch, she knows which witch is controlling it. So the gossip is just out here, causing a huge... Sarah Good, the grumpy beggar, who goes to her door with her daughter, Dorothy, Come on, Bates, Miss Hubbard. and asks, Later that day, she also claims that a woman named Sarah Osborne was tormenting her. We will get to Sarah Osborne in a second. At the same time, so, Elizabeth Hubbard is seeing demonic wolves, fuckin Paris niece and daughter are having fits in eating urine biscuits or watching their dog eat urine biscuits. Thomas Putnam Jr.'s daughter, Annie, start to have symptoms and contorts her body and she screams on the floor and she cries and she says that people are tormenting her. So the men of these households are like, stop the madness and when the snow finally stops, they all go into the center of town and they're like, we need to make a game plan and arrest the people who are causing this before it spreads because then other witches are going to attack children and the devil is coming. So the arrest warrants for Tituba, Sarah Good, and Sarah Osborne are given out and without realizing it, they have begun the Salem Witch Trials. This is it. Got it. So it's people just being like, Bah! There! That! This! There! Oh, Colleen, this escalates All because of this All because of this bitch Also, I do have a question and I'm sorry if you get to it already Yeah So, like, do they just have schizophrenia or something? Like, what's actually wrong with them? So Is it just undetermined? It is undetermined and debated regularly. I will tell you what I think it is at the end. Okay, thank you. Mm hmm. If you accuse someone of witchcraft, you are charging them with a capital crime, which is punishable by death. Oh, okay. So, nowadays what they do is they arrest you. An arrest warrant is sent out once the judge has enough evidence, right? They give you a warrant. You go arrest this person, you are processed, right? You're bring to a jail, you give your fingerprints, you do the mugshot, the whole thing. If you have enough money, you pay bail, bond, and you get the hell out until your trial comes, and then you are tried in front of a jury of your peers and a judge, right? I really don't understand why you get bail if you've done something wrong. That's my opinion. Oh. Innocent until proven guilty. That's probably why. Yeah, I guess. Whatever. That's our whole justice system. Let's just have a murderer on the streets. Just because we don't have enough time and resources to prove it. Yeah, and, and, I will say, in the justice system's defense, which I don't do a lot, they do give certain provisions for certain crimes. Like, they're not letting a serial killer, like, you have to have a monitor, or, or they just completely... Do they make bail, like, a lot of more money when it's more aggressive of a crime? Yes If it's a federal offense, they usually, and it's horrible, they usually just skip bail altogether. No bail is allowed, and you have to stay in prison. Good man. Now, there are rich people who do, you know, the ankle bracelet, and you have to stay at home, and you do the whole home thing, but really, really bad crimes for a normal person, you do not get bail for. Noted. Make sense? Yes. In this time, you were brought in front of all of the townspeople, in front of a magistrate who questioned you, and if you sounded guilty, they brought you to a jail, and then from Salem they would take you in a wagon to Boston, where you would wait in a shittier jail until your actual trial, in front of a judge and all jury that they handpicked and they were all white men. Great. And they were the richest, most powerful men of the time. Good. That's all. So, that's where we begin. This lovely tirade. So they collect the three women, which is Tichipa, Sarah Good, Sarah Osborne. All of the townspeople are there. It's a complete circus. There were over 600 people in attendance, which is more than Salem Village. So people came from other villages, and also the four girls who originally had the symptoms, so... Elizabeth Hubbard, the two Paris girls, and Annie Putnam, the daughter. Wow. They bring Sarah Gooden first, okay? The magistrate, she's the mumbler under her breath. She brings Dorothy everywhere. The magistrate, John Hawthorne, says, What evil spirit do you have familiarity with? And she says, None. and he says, Have you made no contract with the devil? She says, No. And he says, Why do you hurt these children? And he points to the girls, and she's like, I do not hurt them. And Hawthorne asks the girls to look at Sarah and say if she has been the one hurting them. The four girls immediately go into convulsive cry out pain, screaming, throwing shit, she's hurting us, she's hurting us, like the absolute drama. The drama. Also, what's super scary about this for most people in the room is that this has been a private at home family matter for most of these families. Now it is on full display in front of 600 people, so it scares the shit out of every other parent in the room thinking that this is going to happen to their kids. So this outburst. is somehow evidence that she's a witch. Yeah, so they're amped up and they're like, Put her away! Kill her! Yep! And Hawthorne asks if it wasn't you who tormented these children. And she says it was Sarah Osborn. If I had a dollar, for every single time a finger was pointed in this case, I would be a millionaire. Every time, when I first read it, I was like, Oof, you're really gonna throw people under the bus? So many people do it. People do it with their grandmothers, their mothers, their fathers, their kids. So many people are like, no, no, no, it was her. It was him. It was her. It was him. Wild. Would you throw anyone under the bus? I would like to think no, because I'm not a fucking rat, and witches get stitches. But I also, in this time, who knows? I mean, they literally all did it. Fair. So, Sarah Good's husband's called as a witness, and he's there to speak on Sarah's character, except he ends up doing more harm than good. Great. He, at some point, said to someone in the town, one of the townspeople, Sarah was, quote, either was a witch or would be one very quickly. And so they question him on it, and he tries to back out of it, and he's like, no, no, no, she just treated me really poorly, which is very sad. I'm sorry to laugh. But then, they keep pushing him, and he, in a. And, you know, tears in his eyes, he says that his wife is, quote, an enemy of all good. Good lord. Come on, man. You couldn't have let her have this one thing? So they all just needed to hear that before they take Sarah Good away. Most of the people blamed for witchcraft at the beginning of things was vulnerable in the community. They were outsiders, they were others, they were not liked, or not wealthy, or weird, or quirky. It all started as people who just didn't fit in, in the unobscured. Podcast host Aaron Manky says Sarah Good was guilty before she even walked in if she had been a bit more likable, a little bit more religious and a little bit more well off, she probably wouldn't even be on trial. 100%. So they bring in Sarah Osborne. Now imagine this, you're Sarah Osborne. You have no idea that Sarah Good just threw you under the bus. She has no idea what she's walking into, but she's terrified. She knows she's not a witch, but she's fucking terrified because she already has a reputation. She had been in bed for a year, sick, and was unable to go to church. Which looks like you are rejecting God, and this, to Puritans, is the absolute worst thing a person can do. Right. Also, her husband had died and she had become romantically involved with a much younger man who just so happened to be an indentured servant. Come on, it's over today. So, it was full blown scandal. The townspeople gossiped about whether or not the two of them conspired to kill the husband. Yeah. And then they mocked her because she worked really hard to pay off his slavery debts so he could be free. And so, she was screwed. From the moment she walked in there, she was in the lion's den, public enemy number one. There was also this land dispute, which was a thing back in the day, that they disputed over land with the Putnams. And I won't get into all of that backstory, but one of the girls claiming she was a witch was Annie Putnam, the daughter of the Putnams. So she walks in, she has no shot in hell, she has no idea what just happened, and she knows her reputation. Got it. The moment the girls see her, they all begin to convulse and shriek. Fuck these girls. They asked Sarah Osbourne the same questions, and they get very similar answers. She denies, denies, denies. But she completely screws herself over. She at one point says, quote, I'm more likely to be bewitched than be a witch. Which, fine. But then she tells this story. She has this dream. And then when she wakes up, there's a man at the end of her bed. And he's a Native American. And they struggle. And he grabs her by the hair. And he drags her towards their front door. And she hears God say to her that she, quote, should go no more to meeting. Which means stop going to church. Now, I think she told this story, I don't know if this is true or not, I think she told the story to paint herself as a victim. But it really made it look like, oh, like, the devil came to you. Yeah, the devil came to you and told you to stop going to church because you were hanging out with a Native American. Which is our, other than the French, our number one enemy at the time. Big no no. So she but what sucks about this is she actually was sick. She literally could have just been like I have been ill I don't know what to tell you now Her fate was already sealed before she walked in there But but for her to like tell this whole dream and they see it as an admission of guilt you were seeing in the made a Native American man The devil came to you and told you to stop going to church. You are a witch So two witches down one to go last one in is Tichaba and this testimony is an absolute Bombshell. This is where the train fully rolls off the tracks. Okay, before we get into that, this is what you need to know about tba. She was kidnapped from her home of Barbados at 10 years old to go live with Paris family. Yep. The Paris family make a fortune, like I said, off of selling humans and their plantation. And then they sold the plantation and moved to Boston. They took TBA and John Indian with them, and in 1680. It's the second time she's been ripped from her home. She is in a different place. It's Boston. It's cold. It's harsh. And she's a black slave. Like, she's a complete alien to them. She also has her own way of thinking and her own religion. And she is genuinely scared of the devil and witches and witchcraft and the supernatural. Already. Slaves were not only physically abused, but they didn't even use pronouns for them. So if you were going to write about your slave, you wouldn't say they or he or she. They would say it or that. Mm hmm. So now, you bring this woman into court, right? With the background that she does, with all of her fears, add in the fact that she lives with the minister of the town, the Paris family, who she's absolutely terrified of going back to if she does something wrong. And she actually believes something is wrong in this town. So she goes on to say that Sarah Goode and Sarah Osborne were two people who she personally witnessed hurt the girls, and that they asked Cheba to torment them as well. What Tchaba? Yeah. Then she mentions that there was a tall man involved and she couldn't remember all of their names, but there are five witches who were tormenting the women. She said it would never happen again. She only did it because she was forced to, she's a slave and she was just ordered to do something, she then talks about how they take different shapes and animal forms. She starts talking about birds and dogs, and at one point, she brings up a wolf. And so everyone in the courtroom sees this as a confession that Elizabeth Hubbard's story of seeing a wolf was true. Now people are fucking spiraling because now they're thinking, we thought it was three witches. She just mentioned five. If the wolf thing is true, does that mean there are two other witches out here at large? Two more than the three that we already know? There are other people losing their shit. Pandemonium. Pandemonium. Are they in this room? Exactly. It's one of us. It must be one of us. Tituba then mentions that, Sarah Osbourne's shape and whatever animal she takes in one of the young girls is like, I've seen it, I know, like it's... A call and response. It's like an improv class at this point. Everyone is popping off. Stop. I truly, those girls, like. Oh, it gets so much worse. Heaven never. It gets so much worse. Heather ass is beaten. At the end of her testimony. The girls cry out in pain and start convulsing and Hawthorne, the magistrate, asks Tituba, who is hurting them? And she says, it's Zaragud. They pause. They stop. The girls stop. And then it starts all up again. They start convulsing and screaming and laying on the floor and I'm being tortured, whatever. And Hawthorne again asks who is hurting them. And she looks around the room and she's looks dazed. And she shakes her head a little bit and she says, I am blind now and I cannot see. Which is how I'm answering everything from now on when I don't want to answer a question. Tituba! Tituba. Lying on the stand? Sis! So, all three women were carted off to jail before a more formal trial in Boston. The aftershock is massive. Now, you've got 600 people from different towns and villages. They all go home. Some go to bars and pubs and taverns. I mean, as you should. And it is an absolute circus. Like, imagine the rumor mill after this day in court. I would have been living. That's what I mean. I think you would have loved this. As long as I wasn't chosen. Mm hmm. And you definitely would have been, respectfully. Really? You think? Yeah. I feel like I would have tried to fit in though. I wouldn't have been like an outsider. I think you would have wanted to bend the teenage girls throwing a fit on the floor. I do. I'm like this at the end. Wink. You're like, give me the Oscar. Is that good dad? Do a good job. So a group of Salem villager men end up going to Greg's house, the doctor, to talk about The, now there are five women involved, question mark, two are still out there doing their wit shit in torturing teenage girls? What? I would have been like, it's Elizabeth fucking Hubbard. Elizabeth Hubbard. Shut up. His great niece and I gotta hand it to her. She's committed to the bit. She loves a fucking audience someone get her an Oscar when they start talking she yells and writhes and screams and all of the men go quiet and She's like, it's Sarah good and she points in the air above the table they're sitting at she just like points to an invisible person and then she calls her a slut which It's 1692. Are we really busting that thing over? We're out here calling bitches sluts. She's naked Bucking, she doesn't say bucking slut, but she calls her a slut. I was shocked Isn't she like in the woods or something? Like she's in jail. Oh, sorry. She's straight up in jail She's naked in jail. No Sarah Good is actually being watched over by a guard Okay. Elizabeth Hubbard is seeing her form up naked and slutty above this kitchen table. All of the men are just in a, in complete awe of like what they're seeing and a man named Samuel Sibley, who just so happens to be the husband of the woman, Mary Sibley, who baked the urine biscuits, uh, it may want to like, I don't know, make up for his wife. So he gets up and he takes his walking stick and he just starts swinging in the empty air to where she pointed. Oh lord. And I'm paraphrasing, but Elizabeth is like, Ya Samuel! Pop off! You're hitting her! Like, get it! And then she goes, You're killing her. You hit her right across the back. Like, good for you. Nailed her. And they're like, Ya Samuel! And a few miles away, Sarah Good, like I said, is being watched over by a guard. And he goes in to check on her, and she's gone. Oh. And the only thing left is her shoes and her stockings. So they look for her everywhere, they find her the next morning, and she has blood on her arm, as if she's been struck by a walking stick. So where was this bitch? I think she was trying to escape. Oh. But she probably just got like cut by a branch. And now they're like, Oh blood! That's from Samuel's walking stick. This makes perfect logical sense. I have no follow up questions. Perfect. Good lord. Good lord. These people are not okay. Elizabeth Hubbard, I will beat your ass. For real. The magistrates go to question Tituba, and she has more stories for them. I'm not going to go too much into it, but she goes into a fit very similar to the young girls in the courtroom. She claims the tall man had her sign a book. Here is the thing you have to understand. No, I don't like that. Puritans believe that just like God in the Bible, that the devil has his own version of the book. Yes. And the way you sign your allegiance over to him is by signing the book. You make a deal with the devil. You literally make a deal with the devil, you give him your allegiance, and then you get powers to harm people. That is truly what they believe. I'm not even being sarcastic. So when she brings up a book, they are like, did he make you sign it? They're asking her super leading questions. She agrees to it. And then she says. They ask her something along the lines of did anyone else sign it and she says Sarah Good and Sarah Osborne But there were nine people total. So now we've gone from five to nine. We're really upping it There's only so many people in this god damn village. It gets so much worse Colleen. It gets so much fucking worse. So now they're Totally freaked out because they're like, oh, the signature means loyalty to the devil and if we can just figure out who signed it That's how we'll know who the witches are In tituba later admits like way way way way way further down the line that her master Samuel Paris Brutally beat her the night before coached her on what to say and told her to cooperate or else so Poor Tichiba. I, it's so hard because Unobscured says this on their podcast and I actually agree with them. If they didn't take Tichiba's false confession as it was, I don't know if this would have escalated as much as it does. Like, this is, and it's not her fault, let me be very clear. This is the catalyst. Yeah, because for two things. One, it would have just died. No, it would have been the three witches. They would have all died. It would not even be a blimp on our radar. It would not be in any history books. It would have been three women who were hung. And with all the things, or hanged, I should say, and with all of the things happening in Europe, this would, this literally would not have made it into one textbook. However, this is what happens next. She kept it rolling. The three women are moved to Boston to wait a full criminal trial. Betty, who is nine years old, the daughter, she is sent to a distant relative. She has no more issues. Isn't that weird? Funny. Isn't that fucking weird? Time passes, there's a bit of calm in the village for a hot second, no more outbursts, until March 3rd. Annie Putnam claims she's being tortured again and the attackers are now new to her. One of the attackers is Dorothy Goode, who is the fucking five year old of Sarah Goode. Can she even write? Nope. Nope, she can't. And the other one she can't name right away. Okay. But, during her torture, The five year old was holding out the devil's book and demanding that she sign it. A five year old. I actually think at this point she's four. I don't have the strength. For the record, Danny is four. My nephew. So, perspective. Imagine D& D like, A week later, she's able to name the other attacker, Elizabeth Proctor. Have you heard about Goody Proctor? Yes, I saw Goody Proctor with the devil. Yes! So, Goody, for any of those who would like to know, Goody is a nickname for Mr. or Mrs. So when they say Goody Proctor, they mean Elizabeth Proctor, Mrs. Proctor. I feel like Catholics would stay far, far away from this topic, though. I'm surprised you know anything about it, other than your own Oh, it was like to the movie. The Crucible? Yeah. That's surprising to me. What was the lesson you learned from that, Colleen? What did they want you to take from that? I, I, Truly, I don't know. I don't know what the religious takeaway would have been from that. Like, stay away from the devil. I was gonna say, it's not really religious friendly in the sense of you leave here and you're like, religion is good. Yeah. So that's why I'm surprised. I think it's just like, stay away from the devil or else this will happen. Cool. I think that's the Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. The takeaway. I mean, it was English class. It wasn't religion class. So, like, I guess it was just normal standard. Yeah, so you're just reading and learning. Okay. Cody Proctor, uh, Elizabeth Proctor was wealthy, owned a tavern with her husband, John. They were members of the church. They owned a lot of land. She was a mom of five. She was actually pregnant with her sixth. But Elizabeth Proctor's it must run in the family. Right? Whatever. They were also far more progressive than other Puritans. They let Native Americans drink in their tavern. The horror! How dare they? They were even brought to court over it. There was this like, hothead in town, and he just was your classic townie drunk. And he got so upset that there were Native Americans there, he literally brought them to court. Why is that like, still relevant? I'm just wondering. They won, but like. Everybody get a grip. That would happen today, I feel like. Truly. That'd be really dramatic. Ugh, I hate that that's accurate. Elizabeth and John Proctor have a servant named Mary Warren. She just so happens to be friends with all of the teenage girls that I've mentioned so far. Naturally. And John Proctor was especially cruel to Mary, and she starts having fits. He beats her, and he basically says, Oh. Shut up. Like, enough of this. When he goes away for a day, You wouldn't believe this. Her fits magically start again. And she points the finger at a woman named Martha Corey. Martha Corey, who is a part of the inner circle, she's a full blown church member, she's very vocal about the teenage girls lying about everything, she doesn't believe in witches, and she's against everything that has to do with these trials. And not long after... Mary Warren, Annie Putnam, and the Putnam servant girl, Mercy Lewis, both accuse her of witchcraft. Good lord. One of the people in this story that will haunt me until my dying day is Rebecca Nurse. Rebecca was a 71 year old grandmother. She's a mother of eight kids. started having fits, she's one of the only adults of this entire story who have the same fits the teenage girls have. Ugh. Points the finger at Rebecca. No! Yep, and says Rebecca was trying to get her to sign the devil's book. We will come back to Rebecca, I will never get over Rebecca. Now, mind you, this is all happening in like, the span of a month. Wild. I actually think it was like a week and a half. Because the next time they go to church on Sunday, you can cut the tension with a knife. Now imagine, right, all of these families, everyone's pointing the finger at everyone, they have a guest speaker do the sermon, he barely gets one sentence in when all hell breaks loose. All the afflicted girls fall to the floor, having fits, screaming in pain. One girl, Abigail Williams, who is the niece of the Parris family, points up to the empty air, just into the air, and says she can see Martha Corey flying around the room. Martha is there and she's like, So no. I'm here. I'm, I'm actually on the fucking ground. You psycho. She's arrested the very next day. Rebecca was arrested three days later. Poor Rebecca. Their interviews, which each of them went as poorly as you can imagine, you just couldn't win. The minute you were arrested, it was over. Martha was too confident, she was stepping out of line, she was too strong willed, she's guilty. Mary Warren, the proctor's servant girl, had another fit, and John beats her again, tells her to stop. Her fits then miraculously stop. when she got a really bad beating. She writes a letter to the congregation and she credits God. She's like, thank God, I don't have these anymore, like, bless up, right? She goes into town and she pins it so the whole church can see it. They read it off at church and Samuel Parris is like, well, the devil only stops hurting you when you've decided to sign the book, so you must be in on it too. She gets arrested. The drama. Like, it did not. matter. If you were around someone convicted or if you were sticking up to someone who was convicted, you were going to get arrested. That was it. Things get so much worse. How? I'm just wondering how Abigail Williams, the niece, sends things into fucking overdrive. Come on, bitch. Can I just say for all of this for attention, like just just zoom out a second, right? These are teenage girls and you are allowing them to dictate who lives or dies. That is literally what this comes down to. This is insane. They're giving these teenage girls all of this power. Like who, what adult is like, hey, none of this makes sense. Can we use some just cold, hard ass logic? So they don't have, the Puritans don't have logic? Uh, they were scared. And that's why I tried to set the scene earlier. They're scared. They're... I don't want to make it sound like it's so out of control and everyone's stupid. They're not stupid. They're genuinely terrified that something is happening in this town. And a lot of them... Like, this is death con. They are like, this needs to happen so we can be safe. And our children can be safe. Correct. Even though looking back on it, hindsight, you're like, this is the fucking dumbest thing I've ever heard. So, Abigail has a fit, an outburst, whatever you want to call it at this point, and she says that with her own two eyes, she saw a group of witches invade her uncle's home, Samuel Paris, and have a devil's supper with wine and red bread, which is a mock to Puritans because it resembles the sacrament of communion. But it's red. And there weren't three witches. There weren't five. There weren't nine, Colleen. There were forty. I don't have the strength. Girlfriend. I don't have the strength. Cease and desist. Are they all like Cease and desist. So now they believe that there are four Because this bitch Are there even forty people in Salem Village? Yes. Okay. Everyone is pointing the finger now. This, this absolutely sends people over the edge. Because now, mind you, they thought it was three. They arrested three women. They thought that would be the end of it. Then it was five. Right? Then Tituba said it was nine. And now it is fourty. That's a big boy jump, for sure. It's a, it's four times the jump. It's four times the jump. I'm just wondering though, at this point, it's like, okay, it's infiltrated. Can't we just vibe with these witchies? Nope. There are way more public fits in outbursts, more fingers pointed, and within a week, 12 more people are accused. Damn. It then went outside of Salem Village. It's now in Danvers, which Technically the same thing. Redding, Topsfield, in just different towns throughout all of Essex County. Oh, she's spreadin She's spreadin The daughter, Annie Putnam, gave testimony in court one day, claiming that a man named John Willard killed her little sister. Remember how I told you the Putnams had a six week old Six week old baby daughter that died unexpectedly, named Sarah, at the very beginning. Yeah. And that they were enraged about it and they thought it had something to do with witchcraft. Mm hmm. Well, when their daughter gives testimony in a court of law saying it was this man, now they want his head on a spike. Fair. And she claims that John confessed to her that he killed her with a spectral lash and whipped her to death. Six weeks old. An infant. An actual infant. The Putnams are outraged. It is all out war against the witches. George Burroughs! One of the ministers, one of the four ministers at the front of the episode where I was saying, like, we couldn't find a minister that worked. There was a guy who left on really bad terms. His name was George Burroughs. He is accused because Annie Putnam Sr., the mom, Accused him with all of the girls, even though he lives in Maine, he lives in Maine. They fucking kidnapped him from his home, dragged him to Salem for his public trial, where all the girls, the moment he walked in, turned all their shit up to a thousand, with the screaming and the convulsing and the crying. He denied everything, he was guilty before he walked into that courtroom. Oh my god. And, who gets sent to jail? But George Boros. Jails are packed. They're not cool on a good day. They're not sanitary. Now, they would look like the Ritz compared to what they were back in this day. They're so disgusting and they're getting more crowded by the second. Yeah, they don't have restrooms, right? No. I know. So there's no, there's no shitter in there? Shitter's full! I don't know. Splatoon? What? No, they have a full bidet. Like, Colleen, get out of here. No, what's a splatoon? I have no idea. I'm not gonna lie to you. I think you made it up. No, I think it's a thing. I think it's a western thing. I swear. A western thing? Yeah. Look up splatoon. The act of wrapping your nutsack in wet paper towels to prevent your nut to leg stickage. That's not real. That's according to Urban Dictionary. Okay, we don't listen to Urban Dictionary. Splatoon? Splatoon. I am telling you, on Spencer's Life, it's a real thing. I'll look it up later, I promise. I don't have the strength for you right now. No, I will look it up later, I promise. Okay. For the people at home, pop off in the comments. Do you know what a splatoon is? Lord. A few days later, word gets back to Salem Village that Sarah Osborne has died in the Boston Jail. She waited nine weeks in horrible conditions and never got a formal trial, and this is one of the first deaths of the Salem Witch Trial. What, like sepsis? Jesus Christ! No, that's how bad the prisons are. That's a lawsuit. No, it's fucking not, not these days. On June 2nd, 1692, the Boston governor at the time, William Phipps, creates a special court for all of the Salem witch trial cases. It's called the Court of Oyer and Terminer, which translates to to hear and to determine. Okay. Okay. Phipps was an idiot. Phipps was a greedy, selfish. Big, dumb idiot, who was the kind of guy who tricked Native Americans into selling him thousands of acres of land and then cut it up and sold it. He then hired the most powerful and richest men in Boston to be the judge and the jury for these trials, including his head of the court, William Stoen. The hatred I feel for William Stoen. And I will explain in the rest of the story. He is the biggest asshole, if you've ever seen Les Mis, think of Javert, but there is no good in him whatsoever. He doesn't have a good bone in his body. He was bloodthirsty. He loved the Salem Witch Trials. He wanted to see people die. He abused his power. He abused his prestige. He was known for having these big fancy parties at his home. He would get chocolate imported so that he could show off his wealth and he was a piece of shit. Sickening. Is the town still named after him? 100 percent him. Ugh. He doesn't deserve a town named after him. No. He absolutely does not. He's a piece of shit. So, Phipps, the governor, uh, creates this court and then he leaves for the summer. He dips. He was going to build a wall to keep out our enemies in Bristol. Maine. Okay. I have nothing to say on the subject, or anything to add. I do, I do inquire, like, what we're trying to keep out of Maine. Mm hmm. Like, they're just vibing. And enemies. They're just making maple syrup. Enemies. Okay. We're keeping out enemies, so we're building a wall. So the first trial was Bridget Bishop. Bridget married a man named Samuel in England. They immediately had a baby, and that baby passed away as an infant. And then Samuel passed away not too long after, but she was already pregnant with her second baby. So she's devastated, and she boards a ship to the New World, and once she gets there, she gives birth to a second baby. Who passes away. Oh, poor girl. So, now completely alone in a new place, and suffering greatly from three significant deaths. She waits two years, she kinda hangs, and then she marries a man named Thomas Oliver. He had a wife who passed away. You'll see this is a trend. Uh, he had three grown children from his first marriage. Okay. He sucks. Which is also a trend. Thomas was super abusive. Their marriage was horrible. Bridget was regularly covered in bruises. So much so that they went to court twice about it. Yeah, the first time they were both whipped publicly and had to pay a fine and told essentially to get your shit together, knock it off. It continued and seven years later, Bridget was in court fighting for her safety and her dignity, while Thomas was a smooth talking asshole in a world where women don't matter. And his behavior was never put on public record while hers... So she was the kind of woman where if he hit her she would hit him back. Get it girl. Fucking kick his ass. So I'm going to assume she's going to be accused soon. That wasn't allowed and the second time they were punished they were sentenced to stand in public in a marketplace back to back gagged with notes on their forehead that listed all of their crimes. Oh. Thomas daughter paid her father's fine and Bridget suffered this embarrassment. By herself. She did this sentence and she was alone. It wasn't long before people started a rumor that Bridget was a witch. Thomas died and she was left with all of his debts. She spent six years fighting legal battles and trying to take care of her shit. And then she met this guy, his name's Edward Bishop. They get married. They tear down the house Bridget and Thomas shared. They build a tavern. Things are looking up. She just wanted a fresh start in the community, just wouldn't fucking have it. And a few months later, She is said to have stolen a piece of brass hardware and was arrested. I don't know whether she did this or not, but this was the final nail in her reputational coffin, if you will. And they said if anyone is a witch in Salem Village, it would be Bridget Bishop. The drama that seems to be a trend. And of course, fresh stories come out, like Annie Putnam seeing her spirit in her home and saying that she bewitched her husband Thomas to death. She was arrested for witchcraft. Because of Annie Putnam. They put the first round of eight people in a wagon and head to Boston for trial. Bridget Bishop, Sarah Good, John and Elizabeth Proctor, a bunch of other people. And they leave. Dorothy Good, the five year old in a jail cell with random strangers without her mother. The proctor's servant girl, Mary Warren, recanted all of the things that she had said and she was overheard telling people it was all a lie. One of the wealthier women arrested tried to mobilize all the prisoners and they end up writing a joint statement saying something to the effect of she admitted that she made it up. The entire trial is based off of this one testimony. If she was lying, then we should be all set free. These trials continued to move on anyway. William Stoen did not give a fuck and there was no evidence he even read it or regarded it in any way. Yikes. They were all searched for witches marks. Moles, scars, anything that was out of the norm. Men were searched by men, women by women. And the two men were given the thumbs up. Bridget Bishop, Rebecca Nurse, the older woman, and Elizabeth Proctor all had this mark. Whatever it was. The birthmark? Yep. And the women who didn't were searched a second time later in the day, and the women agreed that a true witch's mark could appear and disappear at will. Oh, so that really wasn't in play. That can't be proved. So, why would a witch allow you to see her mark then? Super logical. Super logical. These people are not fucking okay. Bridget Bishop was the first on trial. Many people came to speak poorly about her character. There were a lot of stories and accusations and hearsay. And she was found guilty of torturing five girls. And then the sentence was up to the jury to decide. They had absolutely... No trouble whatsoever determining that she should be hanged. One of the judges on the case, Nathaniel Sultanstahl, saw how awful this trial went and quit that day. Was like, I'm out. This is awful. I don't want anything to do with this. It didn't stop anything though, and days later on June 10, 1692, she was hanged. No judges were there, but all the afflicted teenage girls were and it didn't stop anything however, they do historians say there was an impact on the community of like Oh, shit. Like, people are gonna die. Like, this is not all fun and games anymore. I would love to know what their reactions were. Yeah. Rebecca Nurse. Oh, Colleen. I could die. I hate this story so much. I'm upset. The 71 year old nearly deaf grandmother was up next. Her family showed the fuck up and showed out for her. Not only did they give super strong testimony to her character, but they also had some aces up their sleeve. They had 39 people risk their lives and sign a petition saying she was not a witch. They put people on the witness stand who completely discredited the teenage girls. One person said she watched the, one of the girls take a pin out of her dress and prick herself and then say that Rebecca was attacking her. One of the girls said that she, Rebecca, with her spirit, threw her over a wall and a guy was like, I was there, I literally watched that girl climb that wall with no problem. Rebecca had nothing to do with that. Elizabeth Hubbard, Miss Icy Wolves, well, someone testified that she said something along the lines of, don't worry, me and the devil are on good terms with each other. Like I talk to him all the time. In a shocking move, John and Rebecca Putnam of the Putnams get up and their daughter and son in law had died and Rebecca was accused of being part of their deaths. These two grieving parents got up on the stand and said she had nothing to do with it. They died from a fever. It had nothing to do with Rebecca. However, Ann Putnam Sr. got up to testify that Rebecca, Rebecca was in fact a witch. It's really the only blow to their case because it's one thing to be like, okay, don't trust teenage girls. It's another thing to have a pregnant. respected, wealthy, and Putnam Sr. get up and be like, this bitch is a witch. So all in all though, they put up an amazing fight. This was some of the most damning testimony they had seen so far against the teenage girls. And so many people had come forward on her behalf. At first, the jury walks in, they announce that she's not guilty. The courtroom loses it. All of the afflicted girls go into fits, in wailing, and I'm being tortured, and everyone's screaming, and it's nuts. And back in the day, you could change the verdict and continue to deliberate. And one of the jurors asked Rebecca a question. So this is a little confusing, so let me break it down. They were talking about a woman in her trial. And Rebecca said, she's one of us. And the juror said, were you asking, is she one of us? He basically said, what did you mean by that? They wanted to know whether did you mean one of us as one of the accused or one of us as one of the witches? Right? So they simply ask what did you mean by that? Does that make sense? Yes. She doesn't answer. She can't fucking hear him. She's deaf. It's not funny, but like... It's ridiculous. So... With no answer, everyone's sitting there in stunned silence as she just like, waits. William Stoen orders the jurors to leave and go continue to deliberate and when they come back, Rebecca was found guilty. I can't. Her family went to higher ups to plead her case. They told them the whole story. They were like, she was innocent. She's fucking deaf. Then she came, they came back and changed their mind. She's hard of hearing. She didn't hear the question. Here's the petition. We just want a fair trial. It was overturned. And they were like, okay, she's innocent again. There was such public outrage, they overturned it again. Shut the fuck up. She's hanged. I'm really upset. She was free twice. Twice! She's one of the most respected people in this community. And she's hanged. Ugh. So, Sarah Good, the grumpy beggar with Dorothy, gets the opposite of that trial. No one shows up. No one speaks to her character, good or bad. They called Tituba to the stand, who recounted everything that she said from the start. She was very quickly charged with three counts of witchcraft. They did five back to back to back trials that day. Notably, interestingly enough, how about this hypocrisy? During one of those trials, a teenage girl went into the fit, did one of her things. She's screaming. And she says that she has a new attacker. And his name is Samuel Willard. Samuel Willard. Full gas through the courtroom. He's a minister of the Boston First Church. He's buddies with every man on the jury and the judge in the courtroom. It was dismissed as a mistake. Oh, she didn't mean it. He's too well known. He's too nice. He would never. Okay. Sure, sure. Never discussed again. Sure, sure, sure. So on July 19th, five women were hanged, Sarah Good, Elizabeth Howe, Susannah Martin, Sarah Wilds, and Rebecca Nurse. Sarah Good sidebar, really quick. Apparently there's a reverend who says to them, you know, right at the end, do you have any last words? And she apparently yelled, I am no more a witch than you are a wizard, and if you take my life, God will give you blood to drink. Before she was hanged, right? That reverend, years later, would suffer a brain hemorrhage, which would cause him to choke on his own blood. And they say it's the curse of Sarekud. Maybe she was on to something. Fuckin karma, bitch. Things start to escalate. Uh, there was this incident in Andover. They, uh, they try to question the carrier boys. They refuse to talk. They bring them into this quieter room without an audience. And they're like, now tell us. And they torture them. They straight up torture these boys. And... Just like if you were to listen to anyone, anywhere, talk about torture, eventually you're in so much pain you'll tell someone whatever they want to hear. And so they talked about a tall man, and a devil of the book, and the witches gathering at the Paris house, and they named people who were either already executed or awaiting trial. This infuriates people who are awaiting trial because they are trying to build their innocent cases in a, a fresh set of stories makes it twice as hard. The whole time while this is happening people are... Incredibly upset. They're petitioning against spectral evidence. And spectral means hallucinations or dreams or fucking witchcraft. Like, not real evidence. The court carried on. William Stoughton doesn't care, didn't answer any of the petitions, which he 100 percent knows are happening, and Phipps isn't around. So they carry on. John and Elizabeth Proctor were both tried, convicted, and sentenced to hang, but Elizabeth was pregnant. So they tell John, you're going to be executed. Elizabeth, you're good until after you have a baby and then you will be executed right after her. Thank you so much. Thank you. John tried to postpone his sentence. He failed. On August 19th, the biggest crowd of them all come to witness the five people being executed. They were John Proctor, George Jacobs. John Willard, who is the man Annie claimed killed baby Sarah. Martha Carrier, considered the queen of the witches in Jor. George Burrows, who was considered the king of the witches and was the minister who left on bad terms and went to Main right. Here's the thing. In his final moments, George Burroughs does something that shakes everybody up. It's believed that a witch cannot say the Lord's Prayer without messing a word up or missing a word. Yep. And at one point, I forget who it is, someone is on trial. And they say, hallowed be thy name, you know, they say, hallowed by accident, and they're like, oh, which? So you have to say it perfectly. In George's final moments, he declares his innocence, and then he says the entirety of the Lord's Prayer without missing a single word or messing anything up. And there's a moment where they murmur and the crowd starts to kind of get Be like, wait a minute. Yeah, and they go to reach for him and they push him off the podium. And he's hanged in front of all of them. Yikes. By September 1692. This started in January, nine months. Good lord. Anyone is fair game. What started off as outsiders, others? Poor, vulnerable. It's a free for all. Can't they just move? No. it's not like that back then. Okay. The rich, the connected, the political, the religious. It does not matter anymore, and these trials aren't based on. evidence or logic. It's all fear and hearsay. Everyone is fucked. If you had someone in your family accused of being a witch past or present, you were going to get accused. If you spent time with the French or the Native Americans, you were going to get accused. If you stuck up for someone who was accused, you were going to get accused. There was no way to win other than just being silent and hoping it doesn't reach your family. I was you just never left the house? Then you would be accused because you were being sus. Yep, exactly. There was no way to win. So, one of the most gruesome stories, may I just say, extra, extra trigger warning here, please, for the love of everything that is holy, is Giles Quarry. What? He's an older farmer and he is the husband to Martha Quarry. When brought to trial, he refused to enter a plea of guilty or not guilty. According to the law, at the time, a person who refused to plead could not be tried. Oh! So to avoid them cheating the system, the legal remedy for refusing to plead was death by pressing? Huh? Is that when they throw rocks at people? In this process, prisoners were stripped naked, and heavy boards were laid on their bodies, and then rocks or boulders were laid on a plank of wood. This was the process of being pressed. Oh, so you're going to be pressed to death. Mm hmm. Stone without being thrown, the stones without being thrown, so it's on top of the board. So, correct. Because you will be smushed. Correct. Cool. So they dig him a hole. He lays in it naked. They put boards on top of him. They beg him to enter a plea. He won't do it. As they lay stones on top of him, they're asking him over and over and over again for two days. For two days, they put heavy boulders on top of this man, he doesn't cry out in pain, he says nothing, and then they realize at some point they're past the point of no return, and they ask him again, and he opens his mouth, and he gets one more ounce of strength left, and he says, More weight. And I fucking love him for that. It's awful. It's literally two days of torture. But the fact that he opened his mouth to kind of give them one last fuck you. Yeah. However, two days after this torture on September 19th, never entering his plea. He dies, and this is the one and only death known by pressing in Massachusetts. Thank fucking god The last execution day was September 22nd 1692. Okay, 9 months after the Paris girls had their first symptoms. The people hanged were Martha Corey, Guile's wife, Alice Parker, Mary Parker, Ann Pudieter, Wilmot Red, Margaret Scott, Samuel Wardwell, and Mary Eastie, Rebecca Nurse's sister. Ugh, come on man. So, Remember Governor Phipps, who just like, fucked off for the summer to build a wall? Is he back? He's back. Oh, good for him. He's back, baby. And by the time he comes back on September 29th, 20 people have been executed. And is he like, WTF? And guess what? The charges are now going against many high profile individuals, including his wife. Oh, so he's not happy about this. So now, like most rich people, he's like, well, wait a second. There's a problem here. This affects me now. So this is a problem. Yep. Yep. Sounds about right. Fuck everyone before this, but right now we have a problem. So. At this point, too, there are many people in Boston and neighboring towns that are completely against these trials. I'm not going to go into a huge part of this. Unobscured does a great job. But if you were executed, someone from the government would come and take all your shit. Your house, your money, everything you owned. All of this was unauthorized and signed off by William Stoughton. Oh my god. So you know the money was just going to him. And the quote unquote, you know, I feel, government. Right, so after watching so many people die so horrifically and then so many people's properties get seized and all of the things that they own and how the ripple effect it had on these families, people had really had enough. So early October, the afflicted girls point their fingers to a Boston man. He files a complaint and he wants them arrested for defamation. And Colleen, weirdly, all of their charges get dropped. So weird they like take it back, which is weird, right? There was a man whose daughter was really sick He goes to the girls the afflicted girls and he's like who are the witches torturing my daughter They point out two women the court denies them an arrest warrant. So times are changing We're we're getting relaxed with that shit now. Yeah, you can fucking chill the fuck out They're talking about ending the Oyer and Terminer, the court, the special court. Yeah. They take a brief pause. They're like, stop all trials, all executions, all arrests. This is late October. They want, have advisors come in. They want to seek God's guidance. We didn't think to do that earlier. Yeah. Brr. This didn't stop the accusations and arrests. Elizabeth Hubbard becomes a witch hunter and people would call on her to find witches in their communities because she was so good at it. Uh huh. Glosser starts popping off with their own accusations and guess who is still running all of the arrests? William Stoughton. He, this man, He does not care. He does not care that the governor of Boston is like put a pin in it. We need to reset. He's like, I'm out for blood. Give me all the liches. I'm in and I'm going a hundred miles an hour. General court meets. They actually, after meeting, go to the jail and question the, the prisoners. All of them recant their statements. I don't have the strength. They're like, we were either told, we were trying to save ourselves or our families, or our families convinced us. And this is where they realize that confessions under duress are not real, aren't real, means nothing. Fair. So the end of October comes. And William Stoen is pissed. Why isn't the court moving ahead with these trials? I am trying to save Salem from the devil. I'm saying that because I think that's how he thinks, but I still hate him with every fiber of my being. Fair. He's on a mission. He rides in the torrential rain to Boston on horseback. Ooh, okay Paul Revere. When he gets there, because he wants to speak to Phipps, when he gets there he is so soaked through the bone that he needs a change of clothes, so he sends his servant to go back to his house and bring a change of clothes back, and then when he change, that's, changes, that's when he allows himself to be seen by the court. So he's just an asshole, for the record. Ugh, good lord. What was the rush, brother? What was the rush on horseback? For real. So, he goes in, and Phipps is there, and the whole court is there, and he asks permission for this craziness to continue, and Phipps realizes that Stoen will not let this go. He wants death. He wants This can to continue and Phipps own wife might be in the running at this point. Yes. Also, like, what was she doing the whole time he was in Maine building a wall? Like, fuckin plane trackers? Doing rich people shit. I don't know. Which Pouring wine out of a decanter? Okay. Cool. So, Stoen leaves that day without an answer. They don't give him a straight answer. Okay. Now, mind you, the court is meeting. The Salem Witch Trials is a part of it, but they're actually figuring a lot of shit out because they're a new court in a new world and they're trying to figure out their justice system. So, they keep taking care. You know when you wake up The Hedge Crimes do not have things solidified. Right. So, you know when you wake up and you have one big task? That you need to do by the end of the day, and you keep putting it off and doing other things. That's what they're doing. They're figuring all this other shit out, and they're ignoring the, the doom cloud over their head that is Salem Witch Trials. And then they're like, but people are waiting in jail cells. And it's about to be winter, they're gonna die, like, we need to figure this out. Are we just gonna like brush under the fact that we've killed so many people already? So, Phipps is asked by a man who has seen Stoughton, who has seen the evil in all the murder over the last, you know, some odd months, ask Phipps. Would the Court of Orier and Terminer stand or fall? And with a long pause and a deep sigh on all Hallow's Eve, he says, it must fall. Pop off. Historians say he specifically waited for Stoen to leave to make the call because they knew how upset he would be and they were all scared of him. And then they also hire a man who everyone respected, Very well known, had a great track record, and was known for having a cool, calm head to work directly alongside Stoen. So Stoen no longer has free reign, which you can imagine went over really, really well. Yeah. How about we, can we press him? Jesus Christ. I know. Jails were a horrible place. Some people were let go because they paid off of their debts and they were acquitted because they didn't have enough evidence. one elderly woman named Ann Foster, she was so frail they had to carry her into the courtroom so she could listen to her daughter and her granddaughter say that she was a witch. She died waiting in jail because the conditions were so bad. On December 10th, a man named Samuel Ray paid for Dorothy Good, the five year old, to be released from jail. She had been in there for ten months. She had watched her mother give birth for that baby to pass away. She also watched her mother. Uh, go to her hanging and she was psychologically damaged for the rest of her life. I mean, naturally. On January 4th, the remaining trials with new rules and new judges begin. For all remaining cases, spectral evidence is not considered reliable evidence. Thank you so much. Without that though, they realized that majority of the cases don't have enough evidence. And of those cases, they were hanging solely on confessions, which most people recanted and were acquitted. So fear and desperation shifted to celebration and hope, because these people in prison are like, wait, I actually might have a fucking chance. And instead of having a courtroom based on superstition and witchcraft and religion were now using just cold logic and out of 50 suspects there were only three convictions. William Stoen is not having it. This man's boner for witches. I, I can't. So they have three convictions from the January trials. Then they have five people from the September trials who are convicted and then, you know, were told they were going to be executed but are waiting because they dismantled the court while they figured everything out. Him and Elizabeth Hubbard would make a great couple. Truly, right? The witch hunter and the witch creep. Yeah, for real. These people are... Abigail Hobbs, Mary Bradbury, Dorcas Hoare, Abigail Faulkner, and Elizabeth Proctor. She's still waiting. The last two are pregnant. Abigail and Elizabeth were pregnant. Stoughton sent men to dig eight graves ahead of time. He's like, there are eight of them left. Dig them. If there was a massive snowstorm, he's like, don't care about the cold ass ground. Dig those graves. All eight of them are coming. Two days later, a little over one year after the Paris girls had their original symptoms. One year is so little time for all of this to happen. My, I have this really random question. So were these bitches like, behind the scenes being like, let's do it, like, let's do it, like, I think that, Or was it like a silent, like, we just know that this is what we must do for attention? I'm gonna put a pin in that for now because we're gonna talk about it. Okay, cool. But, I have a lot of thoughts on it. Stoen walks into this meeting house ready to kill eight people. He personally planned to lead them to their hanging site. Ew. Again, the boner this man has for murder, I can't, someone, someone just let him. God, like okay Ted Bundy. For real. There is one court session left in his way and he presides over the court, like who's gonna stop him? So he walks in there with his head held high, with dick swinging energy that he does not deserve, and right as the court begins. Doors fly open, messenger walks in, personally sent by Governor Phipps saying he let all eight witches go. Gasp! Imagine, what I would not give to be a fly on that wall. Yeah, to see his reaction. He fucking loses it, flips out, says the devil is coming and god bless us, like flips out and just leaves. Damn. who's the level headed one, Yeah, the normal one. leads, leads the rest of court. As satisfying as all of this is for Stoen, as far as the ending goes. The damage is so, so far done. Nineteen men and women have been hanged on Gallows Hill. One man was stoned to death. At least five of the accused died in jail. Two animals fell victim to the mass hysteria because they were believed to be linked to the devil. Two dogs. Over 200 people were accused of witchcraft. That is fucking crazy. In the years following the trials and executions, some involved, like the judge, Samuel Sewell, publicly confessed to error and guilt the court declared the trials unlawful. There's a ton of theories as to why Finally. The girls were sick. What caused them to be sick? Some people say it's ergotism. It's a condition caused by eating foods contaminated with fungus, the fungus ergot. The symptoms include muscle spasms, vomiting, delusions, and hallucinations. But in the unobscured podcast, they interview a historian named Mary Beth Doran. She did a ton of research for the book she wrote, and she found many cases of kids having fits in England and America before 1692. And it wasn't so uncommon, Colleen. And you know where they most likely found it? Where, Bridget? In teenage girls who were in intensely religious households. Yikes. How does that even? Oh, because they were just like so... Yep, just like Samuel Parris's house. Some just chalk it up to teen angst. Some teenage girls are acting out, and that's that. They need to be let out. It's giving like when you don't go out in high school, and then you get sent off to college, and you're just like, Yeah, the preacher's daughter who was never allowed to have sex and then gets pregnant freshman year of college. Yeah, like her pussy's on the floor, and she's like, Just getting double penetrated from every angle. She has something in every crevice. Every hole. No orifice is safe after that. Or, you know, people who aren't allowed to drink and then go to college and they're getting their stomach pumped. Yeah. So, here are a few updates on what happened to some of the people. Elizabeth Proctor, whose husband John was hanged, she waited in prison to give birth. Most women, of course, during that time have their neighbors to come and help, which was really common. Like, women from all over the neighborhood came. Their husbands were there and they celebrated the birth of a newborn. Elizabeth gave birth. on a cold floor in a jail cell shackled around her. she had to birth a child herself. She was given no medicine, she was given no help, she was given nothing. She named the baby John, like the dad, and was released right in the nick of time because she was going to be one of the eight hanged. According to Stoen, and then was saved. Tituba was in prison for a year. She was never tried, and she was never released, until, uh, someone paid off her jail debts. She was essentially sold to the highest bidder. because the Paris family never came to her help. They let her sit in prison, and later in life she did admit that she was beaten and coached on what to say by the Paris family. Samuel Parris. He pointed the finger at Tituba, John Indian, Mary Sibley. All of his apologies were excuses and blaming other people. He tried to stick it out in Salem Village, but two years of battling people in drama and everything that had happened, he left. They actually, he wouldn't leave because they wouldn't pay him his salary and they ended up paying it to him just so he would leave. Like take this bribe and get the fuck out. We do not want you here. William Stoughton believed until the very bitter end that he did the right thing and they were all witches and they deserved to die. Historians believe he is the one and only person who enjoyed the witch trials. He died a dick. I don't know that, but I'm sure of it. yeah, but I didn't see no character development for him. Correct. There, there was no upswing. No. It was just all downhill. The Putnams. The Putnams were hugely instrumental in the Salem Witch Trials. Thomas Putnam, the dad, filed Eight complaints right at the beginning against 21 people alone. He saw it as his duty to stop the witches and the devil and to get back at whoever killed his baby. And it's believed that the Putnams and their servant girl, Mercy Lewis, were responsible in some way or another for the prosecution of at least 58 people. Eight individuals, which was one third of the entire group accused and arrested. Historians believe that the number of witches accused just from the Putnam family is a hundred and sixty plus. That's insane. That's insane. How do you live with yourself? I don't know. I know you're upset about a baby dying. How the fuck do you live with yourself? And for the mother to get involved? I can't. As far as Salem Village itself goes, they try to rebuild. They rebuild houses, they rebuild the meeting house, they get a new reverend for the church, his name is Reverend Green. He's a much better fit for the community. He finally gave baptisms to those who Samuel Parrish, Samuel Parrish, not Parrish, Samuel Parrish, initially refused, but They're in a small town and they're back together and they're trying to live normally and they're surrounded by people who either pointed the finger at them or they were the one pointing the finger. And Aaron Manky says there's this one point after the Salem Witch Trials end that the Putnam baby, so, and, Putnam Senior, who was pregnant that whole time, gives birth and comes to church to have a baptism. Rebecca Nurse's family just had a baby and they're there for the same reason. So it's a lot of that. It's a lot of enemies in one room trying to be religious. What do you think it's like if you just met someone on the street and they were like, yes, like, Sarah Good is like my great, great, great, great, great, great, great. Yeah, I mean, I think, yeah, I don't know. I don't know. It's wild. It's wild. And so by the 1700s, most people had left and moved because it was just too painful. Rebecca Nurse and Mary Etsy's sister being one of them. Like, the nurses just couldn't stick it out and who could blame them? And in 1706, something miraculous happened, which was Annie Putnam, the daughter, approached Reverend Green and asked to be a member of the church. This was... I know that's a lot considering her family history. She wanted to sit beside her neighbors and be a part of the community. He helped her write an apology letter, and she read it out loud in front of the whole congregation, and she basically says, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for accusing people who I now know are innocent. She talks about humility and she talks about being misguided and deluded and it was the devil and she was just a child and all this crap, and the congregation accepted her while Also, being people who were victims to her... They were being the bigger person. Yeah, and it's just a really powerful moment of forgiveness, knowing what these families suffered, to just go, she was a child and we forgive her. In 1711, the colonies passed a bill restoring the rights and good names of Many of the accused, as well as granting a total of 600 pounds in restitution to their heirs, but it wasn't until 1957, more than 250 years later, that Massachusetts formally apologized for the events of 1692. Some of the convictions weren't Overturned until 2001. How is that even humanly possible? 300 years later. You have records that fucking old? Yes. Okay, cool. Speaking of which, weird segue, a lot of people began to cover their tracks. What do you mean? There were 60 court cases after they took out, after they took down the court of Oyer and Terminer. Yeah. They started the new court with like new rules and whatever. They have all those documents. However, all of the court documents from the cases in 1692 are destroyed. They have no idea what happened to them. Weird. It's giving cover up! Yep. You also have to remember how many higher up people in the community, in Boston, in politics were involved. And one historian says, quote, these case files weren't lost, they were deleted. That's fair. A lot of people will think to themselves when they hear this story, this would never happen to us, these people... You know, this was crazy, they reacted so poorly, and I would agree with you for the latter half of that. These people at the time were the most privileged, rich, smartest, best of their time. They were confronted with a horrible, terrible thing, and they handled it More poorly than anyone could put into words. Fair. And all of them, including, I would say, not Stoughton, but all of them, even the Putnams, no matter which video you watch, no matter which podcast you listen to, every single one says every one of them had their reasons. Every one of them had good intentions, and they all acted In a panic. to save Salem from the devil and save their children from, like, they genuinely believed all of these things were happening. And I, Very much like our cult episode where I walked into it like how do you fall for a fucking cult? I walked away from this being like under the right circumstances any community can fall for this Yeah, for sure. I agree. Maybe not this particular thing anymore, but a fresher newer version of it. Sure Yeah, what I think is What's equally as fascinating is that in a culture and religion at the time that didn't listen to women, care for them at all, especially young women, and restricted every move they made, allowed young women to completely control the narrative without question. And now... It's left a permanent stain on American history for over 300 years. And that is the absolute horrific story of the Salem Witch Trials. Do you think that God came back to Salem Village after that? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! to go back to the girls, I, again, I've listened and watched a lot of shit over the last week about this. And you can't boil it down to one thing. It does not come down. To just they were sick or they were out for drama or clout, right? It's a mix of a bunch of different things. It's a mix of The religion it's a mix of where they live at that time and all of the fears and anxiety they have it's a mix of The adults in the room who should have adulted a lot better instead of reacting Reacting I was actually weirdly watching love is blind and I was thinking to myself They really believe they're in love, but I believe that some of them feel like they are actually in love Because you are around people who are falling in love. That is the reality of the room that you are in So you are more likely to be swayed to feel that way. It's like a social construct It's like it could happen anywhere if we were all in a room and everyone was saying the same thing a party would go Oh, maybe I do feel that way like mom mentality yeah, so a part of me is like I I think that This was very real to them, even though looking back on it, you're like, this is fucking ridiculous, why would you let teenage girls run an entire village? It's not possible to, like, take a step outwards and be like, oh, wait a minute. No, but I think there is a certain amount, from the adults at least, where, you know, the Paris's coached Tichybo what to say, in the fact that people who are quote unquote outsiders were always named first. And... You know the people they had land battles with of oh, I own this land and you all that land like that That is selective. You're not just picking. Yeah, and of course I didn't go into this but Yeah, of course you are in the part where they dismantle the court and reassess There's a lot of people who put in their two cents and one guy Runs a study where he says close your eyes and when the witch touches you Well, no, because you'll go into your seizures and fits and outbursts and whatever you do, and it didn't work. Plot twist, it didn't fucking work. The spectral evidence isn't real evidence, and you have a murdered People, over evidence that isn't real. So I just wish, there's so many things, like I wish Phipps didn't leave, but even if he didn't, I think he's just a selfish prick. I wish they put someone else in charge other than William Stoen. I wish that the adults actually adulted and looked into it further, or had enough education where they were like, this is a teenage girl with angst in a very restrictive home, versus like, she is... You know under the devil's curse or whatever. There's so many aspects of it. What do you think? I agree I think it's a concoction of many things that made up a horrible potion Horrible horrible, and I I honestly was expecting more burning at the stake Stuff not that the story is any better than that, but that was all Europe. Yeah all the Let's see if she can float crap with Europe. It has a little bit more dramatic over there. Woof big. I'm sick of the sound of my own voice. Please help me. Big woof. Yeah, that was a lot. You did really good. Thank you. I did so much research on it I wanted to do every one story, and I just, there's really not, we'd have to do a 30 part series, and I simply just don't have the bandwidth. It's also funny, because like, you're giving us like 9 months of time, in reality that sounds like it should be decades on decades. Yeah, I mean, the Paris girls, had symptoms in January that weren't made known until February. So nobody knew about it until February. The last execution was September. So we're talking seven or eight months of just craziness, nonstop craziness, pointing the figure finger. It. Escalates so quickly, and it just, uh, Abigail Williams saying there was 40 witches, really. Fuck that bitch. I mean, even Tichabut, like, there's so many parts of it where it goes from zero to 150, and every time you don't think it's gonna get worse, it somehow does. Wenches. Do you have a game, perchance? I do. Oh, thank god. I do, I do. Ha ha ha ha. I was thinking about it and I was like, Okay, so what can I do that's like witchy related? Yeah, get that hat back on, bitch. Yeah, now I'm not, now I'm not so sweaty. You kind of look like a, A Death Eater. Rude. But like with sparkle. Okay, that's cute. With pizzazz. But I don't have a mask on. They're big mask people. Yeah, that's fine. And they're big tat people. I don't have a tat on my arm. Because you're ugly. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. Hor! I know. It is kind of cool that they just like have a call like that though. Like. Nope. Nope. Nope. They're terrible people. No, but they have a call. That's kind of cool. Oh my god. You know what I saw the other day? And I was like, Colleen will love this. What? There's the new villain TV show, and it's all the villains from reality TV, and it's like Tiffany New York, Johnny Bananas, Corinne from The Bachelor. Where? What do they do? What's the concept? I think it's on E, and they're like in a house, and they have to compete to win a certain amount of money, and they all backstab each other, and it's like all the biggest villains from reality television. Hold on. House of Villains. October 12th. Oh, okay. 90 Day Fiance. John Bananas. Who? I love him. Hate him. No, I know we hate him, but we love him. Shake from Love is blind. Who I actually hope dies. I hope he burns toast every time he tries to make it and stubs his toe. survivor. I don't watch Survivor, but fair play from Survivor Love and Hip Hop. Never seen Corinne. I can't stand this girl. No, she actually, by the end, I kind of grew on me. A woman from the Apprentice. Tiffany New York, I mean, a true. Jacks. Jacks from Vanderpump. Bad Girls Club. Tanisha Thomas. I like her. The fuck is she doing in this house? So they're all in this house together. I'm so intrigued. I knew you would be. I saw Jacks. You're such a villain girlie. I am. I'm here for it. so I was thinking about it last night and I was like, okay, so like, what, can I make a giggle out of fucking Sailor Witch Trials? Like, Okay, I was thinking, who do you think in today's world, like, celebrities? Would be like, oh, she's accused, she's a witch. Or a wizard. Oh wow. So like, not in the bad way though. Just being like, oh, you know, that, she's definitely a witch, you know. Who do you think back in the day would have been like, oh, she's accused, for sure. Just for being like, for their behavior. Or just like, their personality. Can you give me an example of one so I can see where your brain is going? Lady Gaga. She showed up in that meat suit. Witchcraft. It's gotta be. I mean, I think Beyoncé only because she's too perfect. Yeah, that's true. I would agree. Lindsay Lohan. 100%. She had a twin and then all of a sudden she doesn't? She 100 percent would have been accused. Britney. Of course she's on the Britney dances with knives. Britney is out here with her prop knives. With the cops. Can I tell you all? It's the eyes. And I'm already gonna hate that I'm saying this to all of you. Okay. I did buy Britney Spears book and I am going to do a Britney Spears episode in the near future. What's wrong with that? But I need to read said book because then that puts a lot of pressure on me. Oh, to read the book. To do, read the book and then also just do a lot of Britney Spears research, twist my arm. In the near future, you don't have to read the book because I will be reading it. Unless you want to support her, which I think... I think that's also cool, if you, if you buy it. But, that's, that's coming. That's besides the point. Abby Lee Miller. You're obsessed with her. I am. It's just like she just, she just does whatever the fuck she wants and she's still like, no one really is actually like, fuck Abby Lee Miller, you know, it's just kind of like, I think everyone does, but not in a way that she's like actually done evil. She's just like a character. Do you know what I mean though? No. You don't think she's like, I feel like she hasn't really done evil. I think she's awful. I mean, she's definitely not a nice person. It's not like she's like killed anyone, you know what I mean? Kris Jenner. Really? Look at her kids faces. She's a witch. You're fair. That's fair. I'll give you that. Although I'm upset about it. Kristen Stewart. Something's wrong. Something is so, so wrong. The entire Twilight cast would be immediately put on trial. Witchcraft and wizardry. He's a werewolf. JoJo Siwa. I'm sorry. Accused. Okay. Katy Perry. Definitely. Oh, with her glitchy eye? Something's wrong. Yes, I agree. Amy Winehouse. She's dead. How dare you? I know, but at the time. Don't disrespect the dead. She's a baddie. That doesn't make her a bad thing. Emma Watson then. Sure. She can be a fucking witch if you want her to be. Someone put fucking Ann Coulter online. I was like, this is so aggressive. Oh no. Ann Kirstie Alley. I'm like, what did Kirstie Alley ever do to you? I don't know that one. I'm just saying. Our wizards? Danny DeVito! Danny DeVito, I love your voice! Danny DeVito didn't do anything wrong. Danny DeVito is perfect. He's an innocent. He's an innocent man. Shia LaBeouf, though, might be a little guilty. Shia, Shia's giving wizard. Wizard energy. Kanye West, obviously. Voldemort. Ozzy Osbourne. Yes! Oh, he'd be such a good... I mean, he'd be really confused. He has the look. Sharon! Oh my god. Bring me my wand! Oh my god. Joe Exotic. Oh my god. Colleen. Fuck. Someone put Steve Buscemi? Okay, he's a sweet baby angel though. I know, but something, because he looks like one. No, leave him be. He's a nice man. Yeah, he's a nice man. A lot of these people are nice men. Ugh. Riff Raff is a nice man. Who is? Riff Raff. The, God bless you? The rapper. Riff Raff? Look him up. I don't know who the fuck Riff Raff is. Look up Riff Raff. Rip Raff? Riff. Or Riff Raff? Riff Riff. Oh. Riff. Riffing and raffing? No. You don't know. I'm a hard no. You don't think he's a wizard? I think he could be. I hate it. Michael Jackson. He's the bad kind. Yeah, he's bad. He's guilty. He is. Guilty as charged. Shackle him up. Jesus. I'm just being honest. Yeah, fair. Honestly. Johnny Depp. King Wizard. Crap. I mean, he is in, um,, the Harry Potter series. Is he? Grindelwald. Yeah. Oh my god, he is? Yeah. He's a bad guy. Oh, I've never seen it, that's why. Yeah. It's jotted up. Damn, I didn't know that. Should I watch that? Yeah, so they, you know what? The people at Warner Brothers would agree with you. Thank you so much. We're onto something. Great minds think fucking alike. I'll have to watch it, actually. I have not. Have not seen. And last but not least, Eminem. He's got some darkness. Roaring. He definitely has a darkness in him. Have you ever seen the show Misfits? The British TV show? No. You would love it. You would love it. Give me the context. Me and Paula are obsessed. I haven't seen it in so long because it's older. I believe it's on Hulu. It's about a bunch of kids who go to do community service and they get struck by lighting and they each get their own superpower, but they're a bag of misfits like they're a bunch of Hooligans. Oh, and they all have these powers. It is So fucking good. It's one of my comedy Yeah. Okay. but it does have moments of very serious shit, but it's mostly very, very funny. Okay, I'm in the making for a new show. I think you would really like it. I'm running low on Reba. Did you decide what you're going for as Halloween? No, so here's my, my qualm with that. Yeah. My problem is I need to understand, to better understand where the decided location will be and or what everyone else will be wearing. Only because my friends are typically like the normal, like maybe we'll go to Southie or like a normal bar, Divey, whatever. But sometimes everyone's, well, they surprise me. So you can't catch me at, like, Mariel when my friends with their pussy lips out and I look like Reba McIntyre. So that's the problem I have at hand. But, catch me at a dive bar, of course I'll be Reba. Okay, but you know your friends are gonna go as hotties. Like, they're gonna go as your playboy but it's that with the mix of a nicer place, that's the problem. If they look... Like, how they normally would look on Halloween? Fine, it's the loca it's both of those together, that's the problem. Okay, so where are you going, you haven't figured out? Exactly. So I'm gonna have to Where do you wanna go? I don't care. Somewhere I'm comfortable, that's all. so yeah. Or if it was like a house party, of course I'll show up as Reba. Obviously. But I just need to know. Because it's, like, I could get turned away at the door. Like, I don't know. But, I went to Bodega a couple years ago. Like, that would have been fine. Yeah, we'll see. If not, I have to come up with something else. I just wanna die. So I'm just gonna have two options and then we'll figure it out from there. Okay, love that for you. I knew it existed. What is it? I think it's a spit bucket from the 19th century. Common feature of pubs, brothels, saloons. A spittoon. Oh yeah, sorry guys, I followed up on my whole spittoon thing. For chewing and dipping tobacco. So you said it was pissing it. I thought you peed in it. Apparently you spit in it Hence, spittoon. Yeah, you like to bet. Yeah. Yeah. No, I know what I don't know why that gave me more Context than what you originally gave me. I think I was saying spittoon. That's why I like a spoon And it kept bringing up some anime cartoon That's all just wanted to make sure I you know followed up on that So it's like a little gig at the end. It is. It's wicked long. Those are our local witches and wizards. What kind of witch would you be? What do you mean? Like a dark witch or like a Glinda? If you could pick any witches of the movies and TV shows that you've seen, who would you be? I don't know. That's a good question. I really I Would love to be Jillian from Practical Magic. Hmm. What about you? I think Linda would be fun. Of course. Who the fuck doesn't like Linda? But I mean, I know, but Galinda from Wicked, specifically, would be really fun. Galinda. Yeah, she's funny. Even though she's kind of an idiot, but she would be fun to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's still a good person. She's a good egg. I just love Wicked, honestly. It has nothing to do... That's fair. I mean, I think I'd go all out and do Hocus Pocus. Yeah, but which one? Would you be SJP? No. She's too m what did she say? Maka maka maka maka maka maka. Dead bed's toe. That was such a good question. That's my children. I don't know. Winnie's just such a bitch. I just can't. But I also I think I'd be Bette Midler. Would you? Yeah. Another glorious morning. It makes me sick! So Mary, when she gets on the vacuum instead of the broom, Yeah. And it's like, alright, let's get it in gear, like, iconic. I mean, SJP, Come Little Children, I'll take you Come little children, I'll take thee away. She looks good as a pale person. I don't. I can't relate. I just, I look sick. I just look ill and withered. I just need the freckles. The freckles need to be popping. I ain't seen no sun, so they're going away. For her, for her to look lively. Now I have a freckle problem. Where would you want to go, if you could go anywhere? What if I just booked us a trip? Stop, I couldn't deal with the guilt, because I have no money. Okay, but say you did have the money. If I did have the money, Well, I would probably just, like, get a credit card and, like, put them on that and deal with it later. Okay, okay, okay, nope, we don't need more debt. probably Greece, but I really would like to go to Ireland, but I feel like if I was already over there, I would just bop for a couple days to, like, the next one. Like, I would love to go to fucking Greece, so, but even, like, three days. Like, I just want to have a Mamma Mia moment, and then I think my cup would be filled, and it would runneth over, but I also would just love to be in, like, the foggy, crisp... Irish village, land, with the greenery, and a sweater, you know? Except I don't like beer, so I would... Can you drink wine in Ireland, do you think? Uh, you absolutely can drink wine in Ireland. Guinness, and they have a cider that they... Oh, Magners? Yep, yep. Wagners? We said Wagners. Oh, Wagners! No, Magners. I actually haven't had a Magners before. And you know what shot not to order. Yeah, the Irish car bomb. Yeah. You don't like coming here and ordering an nine 11? That's correct. You do not order an Irish carb bomb. It's not socially acceptable in Ireland because that is rude and mean. Yeah. I just wanna like see a cow in a field, you know, in Ireland. That'd be cool. Oh, I mean, there's plenty of fields and farms and animals running around. That just seems fun. Interesting. Okay. Noted. I would love, that's all I wanted to know. I would love a farmer, man. of Irishman, who can barely understand what he's saying. Yeah. I'm like, you don't even, I don't even need to know. A juicy farmer. I laughed. So I never listen to this podcast outside of us doing it and editing it because I essentially listen to it at least twice. And today I just wanted to hear how it sounded. And I pressed play and I like fast forward a bit and it was you going juicy union workers. Startled. Just started laughing out loud in my car. Oh, was I talking about how the Juicy Union men died in the fucking Great Wall of Slug? Yeah, you were like, oh, it's just too bad it was them. And it's like, it's too bad it was anyone. Like, okay, Colleen, who would you have preferred, the children? Like, get a grip. The Juicy Union were, like, so aggressive. They lost their lives in the molasses. And I was actually typing out the post today, I was like, am I alright? This is the most ridiculous episode I've ever fucking heard. Honestly, no, you're not. And neither am I. And that's what makes this podcast what it is. And what is it? Is it educational? Is it inspirational? Is it comedy? All of the above! I don't even fucking know. So I have a couple fun and flirty stories for you. I'm taking Bridget's role because Colleen did positive stories this week. I did, I did. it's from Reader's Digest. And they're just a few, like, touching stories. That aren't like articles of things that happened like last week, you know what I mean? It's more like, this happened to me, and it just showed that like, humans are so kind. Oh, I love that. That's awesome. So I'm gonna read you a few that people have wrote in. I have like three or four of them that I knew would make you smile. Okay? Love it. Cool. Let's do it. Okay, this one is from a woman named Marilyn from Washington. She wrote in, Driving home on a blizzard once, I noticed a vehicle trailing close behind me. Suddenly, my tire blew. I pulled off the road, and so did the other car. A man jumped out from behind the wheel, and without any hesitation, he just changed my flat tire. And he said, I was actually going to get off two miles back, but Aww. Oh, oh, my heart. Isn't that so nice? Sweet man. This one is from Jennifer from Texas. She wrote in and said, I was four months pregnant with our first child when our baby's heart stopped beating and I was absolutely devastated. As the days went on, I was nervous about returning to work. I'm a middle school teacher, and I really just didn't know how I was going to be able to face the kids. This past May, after four weeks of recovering, I walked into my empty classroom and turned on the lights. Glued to the wall were a hundred colored paper butterflies, each with a handwritten message on it from current and past students. All of them had encouraging messages, keep moving forward, don't give up on God, and just know that we love you. It was exactly what I needed. Oh. My. Fucking. God. That's the nicest. I'm just picturing her turning on the lights and just being like, fuck. Yep. This is from Martha in Texas as well. A woman came to my yard sale and she wore a perfume that smelled so heavenly and familiar. What are you wearing? I asked her and she responded white shoulders. Suddenly I was bowled by a flood of memories. White Shoulders was one gift I could count on every single Christmas from my mother who had recently passed away. Oh, fucking hell. I chatted with the woman for a while and she bought some things and she left. A few hours later, she came back holding a new bottle of White Shoulders. I don't recall which one of us started crying first. Oh my god. That's so kind. I know. That is so, so kind. A fresh new bottle too. And there's something about like having, smelling something familiar and just like hitting you in your soul. I was gonna say music. And smell are like the best memories we have in the sense of you can be transported in time when you can do either of those things. Those little things when you don't have a parent anymore mean so, so, so, so much. I, that's incredibly kind. Agreed. Last one is from Jamie from Idaho. So yeah, there's some shit going on in Idaho. Hey, Idaho. While going through divorce, my mother fretted over her new worries. No income, the same bills, no way to afford groceries. It was around this time that she started finding boxes of food outside our door every single morning. This went on for months and months until she was able to land a job. We never to this day found out who left the groceries, but they genuinely saved our lives and they don't even realize. I think that one, like, really stuck with me more because it's like, it's so, even given that whole situation, like, it's harder to be able to admit it and like ask for help and this person just did it without even coming forward. You don't have, and now she doesn't have to feel the guilt of being like, you did this for me and I have it in the back of my head all the time. Right, right. It's just a, a true That is a true gift, when you do it without looking for recognition, without, you know, waiting for someone to open the door so you can be like, you know, I did it because you knew it was the right thing to do and you knew it was a kind gesture and then you just let it be. Goddamn Colleen. You crushed it. Love that for you. Mm hmm. Wow. All right, everybody. Sorry we put Good News Network on the back burner this week. Till next week. Good news underscore movement. Oh, yes. Takes good news of the week. Good news, positive news, I mean all, all of the websites that I continually use. Hope I brought you positive energy for the first time. that's this week's episode a little heavier. What do we normally, normally do? But, I learned a lot in this last week learning all about the Salem witch trials. I'm definitely well informed, thanks to you. This is probably one of our longest episodes ever. I'm actually going to Salem on Saturday, so now I'm going to be like buzzing off this information. So Rebecca nurses one of their houses is there, I believe. which you have to go and say a nice thing to her. A lot of them were buried in shallowed graves and then their families went and got them and Rebecca Nurse is one of them and they say she's buried on the property somewhere. I think there's like a statue to it now. Okay. Because they were all buried in like unmarked graves but yeah, just some really horrible shit for you. I hope you have a wonderful week. Happy spooky season, brother. Oh, and next week you're gonna do an extra spooky episode. Yes, I am. I was trying to remember what I did last year. I think I told spooky stories, so maybe you did. Yeah, but I won't make them too dark. They'll be like... Silly maybe like ghost stories. You can mix them in if you want to go too dark. No, I won't go too dark I'll keep it light. Okay fun. Have a wonderful week everyone. Love you. Mean it. Love you. Mean it. Bye! Ooooooo Spooooooky
Bridget:Okay. This podcast was. That's not what I'm trying to say. Okay. This podcast was produced by me. Bridget, Shannon. Music is written and performed by Matt You can find his band super Stoker anywhere you listen to music.