Sippin' with the Shannons
Sippin' with the Shannons
The OG Carnival Cruise
Sources:
- History of the First Thanksgiving - History of Massachusetts
- The Myths of the First Thanksgiving and the Lasting Damage They Imbue - Smithsonian Magazine
- King Phillip's War and It's Impact on America - Mayflower400uk.org
- 16 Wild Thanksgiving Stories - Buzzfeed
- Comedy Show Bit For Max - Adam Ray Comedy
- The Story Of A Lost Button
Oh, I kinda like free balling. Okay, we'll try it. We'll give it a whirl. You better work, cover girl. Work it, girl. Give it a twirl. This is probably the coziest episode of all time. It is. I am... This is the best day of my life. We switched locations, because we're both sick, we're both very ill, uh, so if you hear some things that I'll try to edit out. We don't want to hear about it. Mind your business. Mind your fucking business. Mind your Ps and Qs. Tis the season. But we're on my couch, and we were just like, let's see if this sounds like shit, because usually you're supposed to record a podcast surrounded by rugs and clothes and things to absorb sound. We're currently in a hardwood floor of a room. We're in the wild. But we tested it out and it sounds great. And so we're doing this from my couch with the fireplace on the back room and the Christmas tree on and God damn, we might not ever leave. We might never do it again No, please don't make me laugh I'll have a coughing fit. Oh, my sinus is a wildin. Oh, man Tis the season. Your hair looks good. Thank you. I asked for a brown and I left brunette, or I left blonde again. You're not blonde. I'm, I'm pretty blonde. For me? For you, yes, but I wouldn't consider you blonde. I think it looks good though. Like I don't think she did a bad job. It's just lighter than what I had intended. Yeah, it's a blonde. And then we had Nailgate. Tell, tell the people at home. So, I was at the nail salon, and I was listening to a podcast, and I got asked a question, to which I politely said, mm hmm, and did not actually hear what the question was. And turns out, it was if I wanted glitter on my nails. To which, I don't, I don't mind a little glitter. Nothing makes me happier than some sequins. Fair. Nothing. Except that what she put on is this like, how would you describe it? Like, 8th grade girl sparkly sparkle. I would describe it as a gorgeous, gorgeous white with a little bit of sprinkle there. They literally look like sprinkles. You know back in like the 8th grade when you would get like the accent nail. Remember when I said if you said anything mean about it, I would burst into tears? Yeah, and I meant what I said. I would tell you. Even if you told me you were gonna burst into tears, I would be like, yeah, you gotta get those fixed. I would still tell you. So I have white nails, but they have this, you know, lovely little sprinkle on top. It's just something someone above the age of 15 would never ask for. That's correct. And when, at first she said something about a shimmer, and I was like, oh, I don't mind a little shine. Some girlies do their ring finger a different color. I don't hate that. I just didn't realize what she meant, and then it was too late. And here we are with shimmery, shimmery 13 year old girl New Year's Eve fingers. And you know what? I'm gonna fucking rock it. Yeah, it's, it's really not that bad. I would have told you. Thank you. I would have been honest and said it's time to go back. It's, it's time to turn around and face the music. Uh, what's up? What's new brother? We have to do our intro, but from the couch. Oh yeah, of course. Hi everyone. Hey. And welcome to this week's cozy episode of Sippin with the Shannons. We're cousins and each week we sit down, we sip on some wine, we talk some shit and we have a good giggle. I'm Bridget Shannon. And I'm Colleen Shannon. We're unwell, but we're cozy. That's the summary. And that's it. And that's the episode. That's the full beginning to end episode. What did you do this weekend? I worked literally all weekend. Okay, what is happening? I haven't had a day off in three weeks, okay? Just, my mom came into work also to visit because I needed her to bring me some shoes. And she's like, the, why do I have to come here to see you? I'm like, listen, Linda. I live here. Her name is Nancy. It's not Linda. But, Linda, honey. I haven't had a day off in three weeks. If I'm not working, I am sleeping or I'm trying to be slightly social and respectfully, it's not with you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. And she was like, okay, you're right, you're right. But like, you're right, you're right. So just let me, let me do my hustle thing. Okay? No, I'm kidding. I'm literally just broke and trying to pay off the IRS. So. I mean, it happens to the best of us. You gotta do what you gotta do. So I don't wanna fucking hear it, okay? Don't come for me. We're working. I'm booked and busy. but no, I did go out. I went to I had a Friendsgiving on Saturday. Oh, lovely. Yeah, with the girls. It was gorgeous. I am 90 years old. I need Tums every time I have wine now. Oh. Like I have the worst heartburn on the planet. Oh, I hate that for you. Yeah, like I have red wine and I'm like, I'm gonna vomit. Do you have If I open my mouth, I'm gonna vomit. Okay, so I sometimes get it when I'm sleeping, like I'll wake up and the minute I sit up it goes away. You feel it immediately. Mm hmm. Yeah, you should look into that. Yeah, it's just like, I guess I'll just stick with my tequila soda, but there will come a time where I'm over it. Yeah, you're gonna have to do something about that. So then what the fuck am I supposed to do? Either go to the doctor and ask for something stronger, or find an alternative drink that doesn't make you ill. Those sound like the two options. I don't like either one of those. Well, how was Friendsgiving? It was good. It was nice. We had some good snacks. Oh. Gorgeous, great times, great giggles. Great vibes. Good food. Yeah. Good company. Good life. I'm just out here living life with my charcooch. My charcoot and my charcoochie. I had a grown man at work order a charcoochie, say charcoochie to me. Oh, he said charcoochie? Yeah. Did you giggle? I did. I think his like wife or girlfriend or fiancee or whoever it was told him to say it, but either way, I was like, I appreciated that more than you know. Yeah. That was nice of you. Thank you for leaning in, sir. In the year of our Lord and Savior, Barbie, the movie. it was an early night. It wasn't anything too crazy, but, on my way home, I was like, oh, I'll pick up Aaron from the bar. You know? Yeah. So I didn't even tell her I was coming. Being a good friend. I like showed up, but as I showed up they were going to the next place so I was like, alright guys, get in the car, we'll go to the next place, and I'll, I'll come. Chauffeur. I'll come in for a beverage, you know, whatever. I went to bed at 5am. Colleen. I just, the giggles took me over, I was just Yeah, you were like in the element, in the moment you were there. I a great time, you know what, I have a theory. That every time I wear leggings, and I'm like in a relatively comfy I'm just, ugh, the world is my fucking oyster. I'm blacking out, I'm laughing my ass off, I'm just having a good time. Is it because you're so comfortable? I think so. It's just like, ugh. So maybe if we wore clothes that we were more comfortable in, we would have better evenings? Or is it something you actually want to stay away from because it leads to debauchery? Uh, it's a mix of both, and also I just, it's not even comfortable clothes sometimes, I think it's just comfortable with myself. Like, I feel at most comfortable in, not physically, but like mentally too as well, in a sweatshirt and leggings. That's... What I mean though, that's what I'm saying. Like, if you could find a happy medium Between the clothes that make you feel mentally more comfortable Don't you think you would have a... Yeah, or if I had Ozempic and liked my regular clothes, you know? But, you know, tomato to potato. Yeah, for sure. For sure. But my problem with me going to bed at 5am is that I had work at 9. So I, you know, I was working a double. So I was like, ugh, just like, why do I do this to myself? But I haven't done that in months. Like, probably months and months. Maybe even a year. Colleen, respectfully, the beauty of this podcast is we have receipts. When was the last time I went to bed at 5 a. m., Bridget? Okay, maybe not 5 a. m., but you have gotten blackout drunk the night before working a double. That's fair. Very recently. I'll give that to you. Okay, great. But like my 5 a. m., I was like, oh my god, I swear to god. I don't think I slept, I think I was just in a state. Like, I think my eyes are open. Staring at the ceiling. And then my alarm went off and I was like, I woke up wired. She's like a vampire. I woke up wired and I'm still wired right now. Yeah, she texted me in all caps and she said, can I bring anything to your house? And I said, a lower voice. Like, whatever. Manic episode you're happening right now. I need peace. So figure your shit out and come to my house Fucking ready to be calm. I come correct. I did my laundry grocery shop. I went to the gym this morning I'm so I you know what I need to start doing that Before all of this job shenanigan stuff, I was waking up before work and working out and I felt so good, even if it was for 30 minutes. I have not been able to get my body out of bed. I know, but it's hard. It's so hard, it's so cold, I haven't felt well. It turns out I'm apparently a little depressed, so that's probably... But that's why you should do it, because endorphins make you happy. And happy people just don't kill their husbands. Or do they? How's that for a Legally Blonde segue? I liked it, I enjoyed it. Thank you. I do have... My brain thinks in movie quotes. I do have, good news. Cause on Friday, for those of you who know, and if you don't know, then you're fake. Call me. No, you are, because Skelly... Has left us. Oh. Skelly? Skelly has passed away. The skeleton. Was decapitated, as Michael Scott would call it. But! I have great news. Have you resurrected her? So I, him. How dare you? Sorry, sorry. Skella. Sorry, Skelly. Skella's in the other room. Sorry, yep. She's here. Skella's upset, but it's fine. I came home from work on Sunday night and I was like, ugh, my bed, thank god, and I opened the door and there was Skelly right on my bed waiting for me, all put together again. I think it was Fiona. Fiona! My sweet, sweet Fiona, she bleaches my ass, she puts Skelly back together. Oh my god, that was really nice. Big shout out to Fi, per usual. So there he was, waiting for me, gorgeously. Wow. Oh, she's such a good friend. She is. She's good people. She is. She's the best people. Long live Fiona. I wasn't having a great day today and I was still trying to run errands and be productive so I could feel better about myself and I was in line at the post office which is always, always a hit or miss. Oh, it's always so long. And I walk in and there's luckily not that long of a line but when I tell you a woman dumped out her entire Life. A backpack filled with papers. It covered one full table. Where like the pens are attached. Where you write stuff. The entire table was covered. What the fuck was she filling out? Colleen, something was incorrect. So I was like, I simply don't have the strength for this. So I fill out my thing over her paper. She's like, sorry about that. I'm like, it's, it's alright. I stand in line and a dog comes in named Seamus. And when I tell you, Seamus ran at me and jumped right up on my legs. She was like, I'm so sorry, the owner. And I was like, oh my god, don't be sorry at all. And she goes, he's attracted to people with great vibes. And I was like, I think Seamus knows I'm sad. He has really good intuition. Like, one night, this was months ago, but I was with my sister and I started to get upset about something not related to any of this. But Rudy, her dog, jumped up on the couch and put his head on my chest. They know. And I was like, oh my god, they abso fucking lutely know. You should get a therapy service dog. I mean, nothing would make me happier, but I travel too much for a dog and I don't have a fence and I just, if I get a dog, I want them to live their fullest, best lives. And I think people who get massive, massive dogs and live in 500 foot apartments in New York City are just. Not great owners. Yeah, unless you're walking them four fucking times a day. Unless you are letting this thing run amok, you're keeping it in a cage all day, basically. So if I ever get a dog, it will be when I have a yard, and when I'm able to be with the dog all the time. I would definitely travel with a dog. Like, I wouldn't mind doing that, but until I have a fence. Nice. And then I'm gonna get a corgi. And I'm gonna name him Tater Tot. Or her. As one does. Yeah. Yep. As one does. Anyway, that's how a dog made me feel better today. Also, can we please talk about Matt Reif? What aspect of him? Oh my god, Colleen. So, I knew you would semi know this, but not know this. So, if you don't know who Matt Reif is, he's a comedian who got famous on TikTok. He's very well known on TikTok for having a essentially full female demographic. Like, I'd say 95 percent of the people who listen to him are women. Uh, he's known for his crowd work. He's very witty. He's very quick. Uh, you know, if you go on his TikTok, you'll see immediately what I mean. He got so famous in the last year, he now makes millions, he was like ready to quit after like 11 years of doing stand up or whatever. He gets so famous last year, they give him a Netflix special, okay? So this is like the pinnacle. If you're anybody, a Netflix special is a really big deal. Let alone for a comedian who, as of a year ago, only women knew who he was on TikTok, right? Do you find him attractive, if you don't mind me asking? So I, I... What's tricky about me is I do think he's attractive, but now that I know him more, I don't think he's as attractive. Why? So I think he's too, well, let me explain what happened. So within his first five minutes of his comedy special, he tells a domestic violence joke. Ah. Comes right, like, right out of the gates with it. And he basically says, He, him and his friend walk into a restaurant and the hostess had a black eye and it was very clear she got hit by someone. It wasn't, it was unmistakable and they joke that, oh, like you're going to let her be the face of the establishment, like that's who you are greeting all of your new patrons. And his friend said, well, she should go back to the kitchen. So like not everyone has to look at her in her black eye. And Matt Reif basically says something to the effect of if she knew how to cook, she probably wouldn't have that black eye. And then he's like, just testing the water, just seeing if you guys are funny, like if you guys are cool enough to think that's funny. So people on the internet absolutely are dragging him. And I, I was shocked, not because he made that joke, cause he's made a bunch of other similar jokes. it's the fact that he pulled the pimp. on the grenade and threw it at his demographic. You took, so, okay, so the internet comes out for him, at least my side of TikTok, everyone is dragging him, everyone's saying he's such a piece of shit. He responds. Now, mind you, most people don't respond at all. Like Dave Chappelle's newest special, I think it came out last year, or earlier this year, People signed a petition to take it off of Netflix. I feel like most comedians just don't give a fuck. Bill Burr has gotten so much, like so many, Ricky Gervais, my good lord. So all of these comedians who come out, who like, offend people, they don't really do anything. Matt Reif responds by posting on his Instagram and saying something like, If you want my full apology if I offended you, hit this link. And when you tap on the link, it goes to a website. Where you can buy a helmet for somebody who is mentally challenged. It's not funny, it's just like In the way to double down. Like, okay, so you blow up your whole demographic, everybody drags you. Instead of just waiting for the comm to pass, you post Fuel to the fire. Like who is your PR person? He doesn't have one clearly. What are you fucking doing? Yeah, I don't know what happened. I mean he used to he says that all the time. I don't pander to my women viewers He used to have this bit where he would bite his Lip and he would take off his bow with one hand kind of thing and people were losing their shit about it You know women were like, oh my god, marry me and like throwing their underwear at him on stage Something happened. I I don't know if he just didn't appreciate it But then he went on a podcast and he made fun of like vaginas And said vaginas are weird looking you're weird looking like what? What and then this was a girlfriend like is she okay? Yeah, he has a girlfriend He's just made a bunch of different comments of, Oh, well, my favorite thing is when a girl drags her boyfriend's To one of my shows and when they leave he loves me and she hates me When they came in so he's kind of turned this page of I don't want to be a female favorite anymore I want to be like the men I'm for the men Yeah, and my good lord talk about going down in a fiery. Just let it go Just let just let all this craziness pass And it will probably die down and you'll still be a hot comedian girls follow everywhere. But to tell a domestic violence joke and then follow it up with that is wild. And then his next post was like, no, seriously, this is really my apology. When you clicked on it, it was one of his YouTube videos from one of his shows. So he was just driving people to more of his content. It's too much. He's doing too much. Yeah. And if you really don't care, you wouldn't have even posted anything. I just can't. I just can't imagine. Insulting 98 percent of your demographic or whatever the crazy high number is of his is a good smart business decision. Other than it just being not a funny joke. I mean, it's 2023. How many fucking jokes are we going to hear about? Wayman Malone in the kitchen. Like, go back to 1960. We've heard it. It's so old. It's so boring. If you want to offend me, you know, dig a little deeper than that. But, yeah, just wild. I think like the shock factor is what's like... For sure. I don't know. I just feel like comedians like just give literally no fucks and also isn't there like I think this place is in New York that you can go to that is like You can put like give them your phone like bars and oh, he's done that He's he's picked up a girl's phone and went through all of her shit and read it Oh, that too. I, well, there is something to say about, like, people that, like, I think he's funnier because he can just do things by, like, pulling people up from the audience and he's funnier off the top. Well, he's very quick. He's super quick witted. He's very funny in short bits. It sounds like, I didn't watch the special. It sounds like a lot of people turn it off pretty quickly. I'll be really interested to see because I saw somewhere that it's also number one, which is also part of all of this, I think. He wins because the more people who talk about it. the more people want to see what is actually going on, what his jokes were that caused all this, and then they actually watch his special. Yes, like I'm influenced to watch it now. Yeah, because I wouldn't have otherwise. It's like, do you remember when Squid Games came out or Bird Box? It went viral on Twitter and people were like, what are all these Bird Box memes? And it's one of the most popular movies Netflix has ever come out with because of Twitter. Same thing with squid games. Everyone's like, what the hell is going on? I never watched that shit. I refused. That surprises me. It's so gory and scary and right up your alley. No, it has twists and turns and I actually think you would really like it. I don't know. This might be a hill I'm ready to die on. Okay, fair enough But the thing I meant by the phone was like there's places you can go that you give your phone up So that way it's like the comedian can say whatever and you're not recording like there's no record of it. Oh, sorry I totally cut you off and legit baboon, but A babbling bumbling band of baboons Professor McGonigal. We also have to talk about Enrique Iglesias. When I tell you I was screaming, give me your phone right now. Mine? Yes. Why? Because I'm recording and I can't show you. Oh, right. Okay, what am I looking up? Enrique? Give me your phone. Okay. Where's TikTok? Oh. Give me the talk. Here is the talk. Are you right handed? Yes. Okay. Are you? I don't know. You just grabbed that weird note and then I realized it's because you were holding the microphone. Oh my god, the brightness. I'm sorry. I'm blind. Get out of here. My senses are just down. Yeah. That's very clear. So, okay. We've talked about it multiple times that Enrique Iglesias, Ricky Martin, and Pippel are on tour together. I mean, truly, what a combo. The trifecta, if you will. By all accounts, it sounds like Ricky Martin and Pippel are 10 out of 10s. Party, party, party. So much fun. Tons of dancing. Super upbeat. I mean, both of them have so many great songs. Enrique Iglesias sounds like Elmo. I have never seen a performer do so poorly. There is a video of him laying face down on the floor. Laying down, dry humping the floor, just lifting his hips off of the floor and thrusting into it in front of thousands of people. I have never, it's like watching a train wreck. You can't stop watching it. If you have access to TikTok or even Reels, just do a quick search, you will die. Ready? I can be your hero, baby. That's terrifying. It's Like Pitbull and Ricky are probably like, What the fuck? No, I'm horrified. Like, I sound better than that. On his team. Who allowed that? Is like, do you know what would be a good idea is if you sang. Now, there is no harm, no foul about you going out there and lip syncing some shit. Agreed. Everyone just wants to be there for the party and the dancing and the music. No one needs you to recreate Hero. What the fuck is that? I don't know. Why did, who asked him to be on this tour? He deserves to be arrested. Agreed. Anyway, I had a great weekend. I was like, did you, do we have something? Sorry. Uh, no, I went to the Cape with my friend Leanne. She has a house down there in her. And I just had like a really cozy in front of the fire. I did get violently ill after we ate one night and I was up all night, very sick. And then I got physically sick with whatever this is. so we've had a rough little stretch, but it was very peaceful. It was like a nice change of scenery. I really love the Cape off season. You don't have to elbow people to get into like regular restaurants. The first day we got there was Friday afternoon. We got drinks and I made my chip and dip. And we sat on the beach and just had Cosmos. And ate chip and dip and watched the sunset. With like blankets and jackets and it was so comfortable and so lovely and we just chatted. Gorgeous. And I was like, wow. And there were so many dogs there. They all approached us. So many old people just vibing. Ugh. Stop. It just was, it was really lovely. Couple thoughts that I had this week, randomly. Oh, okay. No, I, just before I forget, because you know I have the brain of a gnat. Sure. one, I wanted to say that Oh, Colleen's Weekly Thoughts. This is the new segment. Oh, it doesn't legit have to be a segment, but like, these are my actual thoughts that I had before the podcast. Yeah, let's do it. Okay, I'm okay with Travis and Taylor now. Not that anyone asked, or not that anyone cares, but I'm What changed your mind, do you think? The way he talks about her. Yeah. Yeah, it's very respectful and kind and of a grown ass man. Yeah. Yep. That's all. and I was at work on Saturday and my manager, my mail manager actually, I have a couple of them, was like, Oh, I listen to your podcast. And I was like, Oh, okay. Like, I think I literally was like, Oh, why? Like, just cause I don't know. What the fuck? I don't know. We want people to listen, but it's just like my manager that I don't really know that well. That's like, yeah, I didn't tell him about the pod. Someone else did. Well, hi manager. Yeah, hi. but I was laughing because I'm like, of course you tell me, listen to the most recent episode where we just talk about how I have a bleached asshole. So I'm like, you're, you're telling me that you, cause he said, I listened to the Britney Spears one. So then I was like, Oh, so you're telling me you listened to it, which tells me you're now telling me that you now know that, you know what I mean? But without saying it, so. That's really nice. So to managers everywhere, thank you for listening. We're putting this on a public platform, like, anyone can listen, but to be in the moment of him being like, I listened. In the realization. This is me. Uh huh. I remember that after the episode, very different, but that I talked about Shannon and the accident, I remember meeting someone. In them saying like, oh my God, your podcast. And I wanted to be like, listen to next week. Like, that's a, that's a tough first episode. And I just remember being like, next week's is really good. Let's put it on pause. You just, that's a tough one to jump in with, but you'll get there. You'll work up to that. Maybe listen to My Favorite Murder or something. Yeah. And we'll see you next week. Yeah, no, it's, it's so wild sometimes when you forget what we say. On a very public podcast. I mean, I forget every time after I walk out of here what I just said, so. It all goes out the window. It all goes out. Oh lord. I have a story about this sweet, sweet man that may, that'll upset you. Oh great, sick. Lovely, lovely start, Colleen. So there's this older gentleman, like really old, like papa, papa, okay?, on Saturday, he walked by a couple times the restaurant. Just like right out front, walked by, a couple hours later, did it again, came around the third time, like right around when I was leaving, about like 3. 30. and he came in and was like, oh, I'm just, I'm just killing time or whatever, and then left again. And the bartender I work with, I was like Oh my god, does he have dementia? He was confused. No, no, no, you're going to be so upset. And so I was like, that's so weird. Like, what did that guy, he came in again. He was in here, I swear, way earlier at like 11. And she was like, oh, you know, his daughter is a regular. And like said her name, like I know who she is. and I, I'm, she comes in here a lot with him. So I'm wondering maybe. He was, thinks he's waiting for her and I was like, well, does anyone like know her? Like, can we contact her? So whatever happens, I have no idea. That was the end of it. I didn't follow up. I left, my shift ended, whatever. I come back on Sunday. He does it again on Sunday. He walks by in the morning, same outfit, comes in in the afternoon, looks around like he's looking for somebody, but he checks his watch. And he goes, I'm just trying to kill some time. And I said, oh, do you want to have a seat? Like, do you, do you want to sit at the bar? He's like, no, no, no, I'm just, I'm just waiting for somebody. And he went outside and, the girl I work with was like, I'm just going to go ask him, like, if he needs anything. So she runs out and goes, do you want to, do you want to come in? Like, it was so cold out on Sunday. And, he was like, no, no, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. And she goes, you didn't upset me. I just want to make sure you're good. And he was like, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I think he kept coming in thinking he had reservations with his daughter and I have no but I go at what point Does he realize that he's not meeting her and goes home? Like I I don't know and that's what's bothering me Like and he's so cute bridget. Like I cry right now. He literally is like, hi. How are you? And he looks at me Bridget Yeah, he probably, He did on Sunday night. But called the daughter. I don't, no one, I don't know. And you know what, maybe he did call her and he already forgot. I don't know, so he was, he did end up sitting at the bar on Sunday night and he had a beer, just didn't talk to anybody and he watched the game. I could cry right now, like, I was so upset. He is so cute. Okay, well get some contact information. I will. Don't ever tell me a story like that. Leave it. Well, I'll be there on Saturday. I'll get some follow up for you guys, okay? Yeah, get a follow up. Find out where this man lives, find out who he's related to, and get some emergency contacts. But like, this sweet man, just is so excited to see his daughter, like, I will cry. Next time he's there, can we buy him food? Yeah, of course. We'll split it. Okay, cool. Okay. Find out what he likes. I will. I will. He has, he likes Miller Lite. I think that's what he was drinking. Perfect. We can buy him a beer as well. Milal Nujik. I'm so upset. Woof. What the fuck, dude? I don't know. Like, what the fuck? And also, he just came back. Well, why don't we, why don't you explain what happened? Okay. So, Milan Lucic just came back from, I don't even know what team he was on before, Luuuuccccccch. He's one of the, he's assistant captain actually, I think. He's one of the all time Bruins, I would arguably say. Yeah, like on the 2011 team. Especially of our, of our lifetime, for sure. I would say he's, like, top five I would think of when I think of, like, just hockey players in general. In my brain. Oh, yeah, I mean, from Boston. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't focus on any other team. No, no, no, no. But like, from, I just, like, think of, like, 2011 and the Stanley Cup Champions. Yeah, oh, the best. So he's prominent in my brain. So, he was arrested for allegedly, well, not really allegedly, she said it happened, so obviously it happened. But, like, choking his wife and, like, beating her up a little bit. Not great. Awful, awful. And he got charged, I think, with assault and battering. I think he was going to... He pleaded not guilty. He did plead not guilty. He pleaded not guilty, yep. Ugh, tough. Brutal. Get your shit together. Brutal. Get your shit together. Do you think they'll bring him back? I feel like they won't. I don't think they will. I don't think Marchand said about him? No, what did he say? He said something like we're just here to support like his wife, her name is Brittany I think, and the daughters, so, sense of time I won't really comment on it or something like that. That's the right answer. I'm glad he said that. Yeah, it was like a really, really good response. And then they obviously made a, statement as well. Like a joint statement, yeah. Yeah, that was like we are, taking it very seriously. So I feel like he's not going to be let back. I doubt it. I think if it were a guy at a bar. One thing, wife beaters, not so much. Agreed. What the fuck is up, man? Such a bummer. Unhinged, but yeah, just a little tidbit of info. Sorry, I have all the negative information. Yeah, why don't you give us something, someone to smile about? Jesus, this is about giggling. Sorry. I can't wait for Auntie Terry's soup. Can I just tell you? We talked about it last year, so the next sentence on my little paper here says, It truly says we're going to have Ari's baked potato soup in our faces. And I missed it last year because I was in Disney with my family. So I've waited two full years for her baked potato soup. How hung over do you think you'll be? I don't know, Colleen. We do this every year. I haven't had a Thanksgiving like dinner in years. Except for your Friendsgiving over the weekend? Yeah, but that I don't But I eat mashed potatoes, like that's not a Thanksgiving dinner. You don't have it even when it's in front of you. I would, if I was well. I just like when Auntie, Donna brings the, the dip in the carrots. She always brings the good dip. There's always the chips in the onion dip, and the mashed potatoes, and the rolls. Oh, the bread rolls. I mean, the mashed potatoes and the gravy alone. And the wine! And the stuffing, and the wine, and the giggles, it's just, I've been watching so many videos on how to cook a turkey. I'm not cooking a turkey. I, I, it's found its way to me as well. It makes me want to cook one, but they're like 60 bucks. Oh yeah, they're expensive, especially if you make them for like a big, family or party. I did one time cook a turkey with my mother during COVID. I didn't love it, but I also didn't know what I was doing. And I really enjoy being in the kitchen and cooking things that I know and love already. So, it just was so detailed. It obviously isn't like, chop up some veggies and throw It's like, every couple hours, go in, baste, check, flip. It's just a lot. It's a lot of work. So, if you're making Thanksgiving, dinner this year or you know someone who is. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Appreciate you for feeding us. I applaud you. We should like go and get our own turkeys. Oh my god, no. Why would we do that? Cause it's a cheaper option. We're just gonna go to the store and buy our fucking rotisserie chicken and shut up about it. Colleen sent me a snapchat video of her doing chiropractor back I don't even know. Compressions, I don't even know what you call it. Pushes, with the cracking, but on a rotisserie chicken. It was satisfying. I, it looked it, except that your grubby little fingers were all over it. That's all I could think about. You definitely didn't wash them before you manhandled that turkey. Of course not. Why would I do that? You're so gross. I mean, I'm the one eating it. And by turkey, I mean chicken. I mean, yeah, if you're the only one eating it, then who fucking cares? Yeah, it's fine. Everything's fine. I mean, now that we're on the topic, they didn't even eat turkey on Thanksgiving, on the real Thanksgiving. The OG Thanksgiving. Are we gonna hear about the OG Thanksgiving? Yes, but I also just want to say, what the fuck is the reasoning behind the Macy's Day Parade? What, what is that? Why are there, what is that about? What's it for? You know what I mean? We switched gears real hard there. I didn't know we were going to the parade. I know but like It was the Macy's Day Parade at the OG Thanksgiving. That's where it started. That's where it all began. They came in on the Mayflower with the Snoopies! Fucking balloon. Led them to shore. Bear with me guys, okay? I'm not well. no, I don't know. I think it was for television purposes. Oh, cool. Good for them. And here we are. But yeah, we are covering the first O. G. Thanksgiving. Oh my god, this is so exciting. Yeah, so it turns out, like, the first Thanksgiving, like, wasn't really lit. Yeah, not exactly what you learned when we were kids, eh? Uh, it was actually, like, kind of horrific. Don't make that face. It's that stupid Gen Z fucking face where she does the peace sign and the tongue out and it's cause she feels uncomfortable because we're about to talk about a serious topic and she can't handle it and so she goes We kept it cool, but like, when I, when it needs to be brought up, like I will, because like, gotta give credit where credit's due, you know, give the real information. but this is the Colleen Spinnon on Thanksgiving. Jesus Christ. Thanksgiving for dummies. Thanksgiving 101. Thanksgiving with a giggle. The way they should teach it to you as a child. This should be in history books. We should make a history book just of the way you tell stories. Or, an audio book, and you can listen to me. Oh, that'd be great. You just listen to me and you're like... They were like literally popping the fuck off and popping their pussies so hard. Hey bitches, have you ever heard Thanksgiving? Well, buckle up. These cunts were out here. And these twats... No, but really, my sources today... Oh, wow. Are from historymassachusetts. org The Smithsonian Magazine. Love. And another article from Mayflower400. org. Can I tell you, when we were in the Cape this weekend, we were driving home, and we stopped in Plymouth to go, just out to brunch. Where'd you get brunch? In Plymouth? Water Street Cafe. Oh, yes. It was quite yummy. And then afterwards I looked it up and Plymouth Rock was 900 feet away. And I was like, Oh my God, let's go walk to Plymouth Rock. It is still, and I took a picture just for the sep, just the most underwhelming. Have you never been there? Rock? No, I went when I was a kid, like everybody else who's from Boston, where you go on one field trip and it's to Plymouth Rock and you get there and you go, huh? Did you go to Plymouth Plantation? Yes, I did. I actually thought that was cool. It's sick, honestly. And like the way that they, they really behave as if it's 1620. No, they don't break character at all. And they're in full garb and churning butter. Like it's, it's actually, that part I actually really enjoyed. But seeing under this big pavilion, this rock, that turns out isn't actually the fucking rock. No. It is tiny. There is no rock. It landed in the cape first. But don't worry. We'll get there. Okay, great. Alright boys, the first Thanksgiving, it was obviously, if you know you know, a harvest celebration held by the Pilgrims of the Colony. Can I just say the first harvest dance? Like the OG. You went to a harvest dance where you wore khakis. I knew what the harvest was about. Bermuda shorts. This was the first harvest dance. Yeah, I think it's pretty similar. Yeah. Sure. Sure, sure, sure. so the Pilgrims. If you don't know about them. Just, grow up. You know about the pilgrims. Yeah, you know about the pilgrims. Don't fuck with us. I'm not explaining that, okay? But just know that they left England in search of a new life, okay? They were like, searching for some new vibes, religious freedom and whatnot. A new world, if you will? They're like, let's go to a different land, I'm bored. I hate it here. So they hopped on the motherfucking Mayflower and it took them 66 days to cross the Atlantic. Imagine how badly they would have smelt. The OG Carnival cruise ship. The first of its kind. Without the entertainment, or the open bar. The entertainment. The all inclusive, that buffet would suck. Imagine the buffet on the Mayflower. It would probably be like onions. Covered in maggots. I'm sick. 66 days is a long amount of time. Also, you know when someone died, they rolled that body right off the boat. Oh, I never said that. They were like, sorry, you gotta go. You're rotting the place up. You're stinking this bitch up. You have to fucking go. They definitely didn't have anti nausea medication either. No, Dramamine was not. They didn't have the little bands you put around your fucking wrist. Stop. My question is for the people at home, my friends and I call those the queezies, but I don't know if they're actually called queezies. No, no they're not. I've lived, like, over a decade thinking those things are called queezies. I have never heard them called that. Hold on. Like, collectively, we all say, did you bring your queezies? Where, where did that come from? I don't know. I think one of them said it and then... It just went from there. They're just called like nausea relief. We call them the queezies. Wristbands. Relief band. I'm crying. Yeah, there's, I don't see queezie. C band. Oh, I've actually heard C band. A lot of times. I do not see queezie anywhere. Made up. Fake news. Maybe I'm turning a trend. I'm a trendsetter. Okay. Fetch. Cool. so 66 days, they're across the Atlantic and they arrive in Cape Cod on November 11th, 1620. And yes, you heard that right? 1620 unfathomable you in time. Woof the great debate. You versus time. Well they land and they're like, it's cool, but it's not good enough. So it's also cold. Yeah, it's pretty fucking cold. It's. How cold is it right now? Imagine being on a boat. Outside, in the elements. They definitely didn't have gas. With smelly people and no toothpaste. Or deodorant. Or deodorant. Oh no. No restroom. No, there's definitely a, there's definitely a bathroom. You think there's a latrine on the boat? Larine. Full bidet. Wow. Very ahead of their time. They upgraded. It's just a hose. Even have hoses stop. They're probably using sticks to wipe their asses. God, Colleen. I'm just being honest. Sorry, I have the giggles, guys. There's actually nothing more annoying than hearing me go, hee hee hee, every two seconds. This is such an unhinged episode. As someone who has listened, it's horrible. So I'm sorry. As a listener, in one of those, we're insufferable. I can't breathe. So yeah, they're not happy with what they see. They get their asses back on the Mayflower, and they sail up the coast a bit, and then they land in Plymouth. And they plant their asses down officially. Love ya Plymouth rock. That's what I wrote. Ew. Ew. Love ya Plymouth rock. It's not a real rock, but it's fine. We'll post a picture that I took the other day. And so, they're like, okay, we can, we can, you know, plant our roots here, we can vibe here. So they build a little colony for themselves. If you've ever been to Plymouth Plantation, then you already fucking know what it looked like. before I dig in, I must say that there are hella myths around Thanksgiving. The first Thanksgiving, what went down, who was there, the whole tea. Because, very little is actually known about the event, because only two first hand accounts for the feast are ever written. And that's what we use. So this whole ass chunk of history is derived from two smelly, crusty, Colonists. White guys. Yeah. Who could barely read or write. Sure. Sick. Great. So all of this information is literally from them. One of them is an account from this guy named William Bradford. he had a journal called Of Plymouth Plantation. Original. The other is this writing written by this guy, Edward Winslow, and it was titled Mort's Relations. What the fuck does that mean? I do not know. Great. Didn't plan on reading it, and I'm assuming you guys weren't either, so. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. The 53 pilgrims that were at the first Thanksgiving were the only ones that survived the long journey on the Mayflower out of the original 102 that boarded in England. Oh my god. I'm so sorry, uh, what? They have less people than there are days. I'm really bad at math. That they were on that ship. What's 102 minus 53? 53, 40? It's forty nine! So, we got forty nine dead colonists that did not survive the journey, unfortunately. They got rolled off the back, they walked the plank, or were thrown off the plank, shall I say. but imagine, though, being like, let's go create this new life. But hey, there's a fifty fifty chance you might make it there. Are you taking the risk? I mean, shit must be real bad though. Yeah, I don't get into any of that. I don't have the strength. Yeah, I mean, Good lord. I'd be like, yeah, I'm good planted. Thank you. Thank you. I do have a list of all the peeps that were on board. it's important to note that there's obviously much more men than women. Rude. Rude. How are you supposed to procreate, dicks? Pussy power. Pussy is power. Puss was. I won't bore you with all the names, but can you like guess some of the first names? Just take a wild guess. Well they're English and they're about to be American, so a lot of Edwards, Henrys. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Yep. I don't know why Jacob. Mm hmm. We got a Jacob. I believe so. Johns. Oh, Johns. Tons of Johns. A lot of Williams. A lot of Johns. William, yeah. Gilbert. Gilbert? Yeah, Miles. We got a Miles. Okay. Look at that up and coming name. Pop off Miles. Eli's, you know. Okay. the women though, oh we even have a Bartholomew. Pop off Barth, Barth, Barthi. We had some interesting, uh, female names. We have Resolved and Peregrine. Oh. A woman named Love. There's even a guy named Wrestling. Wrestling. Cool. But we got the standard, like, Dorothy, Elizabeth, Constance, you know, those types of bitches. Yeah. Got it. The whole crew is there. So that's the squad. I'm not sure which ones really made it to the other side, but, you know, it is what it is. So we're here reviving in our colony. There's 52 of us, okay? We got here in November, we're like trying to make it through the winter, it's tough, it's hard in these streets. I mean, we're trying to make it through the winter and we have yeet, so. So even though we celebrate Thanksgiving on the fourth Thursday of November, the first Thanksgiving was not the case. Oh you don't say. Gracie. The actually, the actually, what the fuck is wrong with me, actually the exact date of the feast is unknown. But we're assuming it happened sometime between September and November of 1621 because they were celebrating the fact that they made it through the first winter without like, you know, everyone dying. Right, right. And they're celebrating the fact that with the help of the Wampanoag tribe, whoop whoop! Yes! Over the spring and the summer, they had like a full ass supply of food to sustain them so they're like, pop off, let's eat a bunch and feast and celebrate. We made it. Look ma, I made it. You know, one of those situations. Sure. neither that got those two people Bradford and Winslow. Their writing doesn't say anything about what was actually served. Besides fowl, which is like a big ass, disgusting ass bird. And deer. Naturally. So, no turkey to be seen. but we have guessed what could possibly have been on the table. Such as like mussels, lobsters. Definitely corn. Corn, herbs, grapes, and plums. Nice. it's really giving hunters and gatherers. It's giving, I mean that was the time. Like they didn't have mashed potatoes. They didn't have mashed potatoes. A moment of silence for the taters. They should have brought some Irish people. I'm saying, fuck them English. Sorry, no not actually, but I love you. I love your tea and your Sunday roasts. in that moment though, fuck the English, that's all I'm saying. Yeah. But, uh, moment of silence for the taters. they didn't have any potatoes, they also didn't have butter, they didn't have flour. There was no pie. No pies. No pie. But! Unthinkable, honestly. Cranberries were served. But only for color. And tartness. So why the fuck do we have cranberry sauce? Wow, we still, we still have pallets and we still have expectations. Okay, chef. Yeah, pop off. It was for the, the ambiance. Yeah, love that. But like, why do we have cranberry sauce then? I don't know. I think it's useless. Sorry for all the cranberry lovers out there. It's just not for me. Yeah. I'm just not a sweet girl. Can you just go with like a vodka crayon instead? Why do we have to put the sauce on the table? Oh, if it was with vodka, it'd be great. For sure. there's no proof, actually, at all that the colonists ate turkey, at all. Period. Why do we have it then? Let's relax with the turkey. There's a chemical in it that makes you sleepy. I'm already tired enough as it is. It's annoying. As someone with narcolepsy, and as my co host who hasn't had one good night of sleep in over a decade, we don't need to eat turkey. I'm all set. I think that I need to be put into like a medically induced coma to find rest. No, that's not what needs to happen, Colleen. You go and you get a sleep study and then they tell you. I would never. Why? It's so scary. Why? Because I'd have to go sleep with strangers. You sleep in a room by yourself. Are they watching you from behind a window? No, they just like hook up a bunch of stuff for you. They like make sure everything's running, but they're not watching you sleep. It's not like an interrogation room where they're sitting behind one side of glass and you're just being stared at all night. I'll think about it. Okay, great. Probably not though, but that's okay. I doubt you'll ever do anything about it. We will continue to talk about your terrible REM sleep for the rest of time. Okay, so who exactly was present at this din din, might you ask? You have to ask. Oh, sorry. Who was there? The feast included 90 Wampanoag Indians from the village that was already there, including their leader, Massasoit. We'll talk about him later. We'll talk about the Womps later. Okay. We'll get there. Okay? So just sign right up. Yeah, Massasoit. You hear that a lot in Massachusetts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. but Massasoit was the one who actually boyed up with the colonists originally and were like, let's be besties, you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours, type of thing. Ugh. Okay. I'm just saying. I know. I just, if you know the ending, it's just not great, but go ahead. Another one of, and I'm gonna say womps because like, that's okay. That's all. And it's too long for me to say. It's definitely better than whops. Little whomps. So it's just, it's a mouthful for me, okay? So I'm just going to say whomps. another one of the whomps, I can't hear that word again. A young man named Squanto. Ah, we love Squanto. We do love Squanto. He spoke fluent English. And so Massasoit said, Sir, we need you. Rally it up. You have to be the translator and the guide. And that's basically how the connection started and how they were able to communicate. Tell me about job security, Squanto. Tell me about it. well, Squanto has been through some shit. Yeah. Squanto learned English because before the Pilgrims, like, you know, came to Plymouth and was like, Yeah, no one's been here, this is ours. he was captured by English explorers and he spent a lot of time in Europe, but he was a slave. but he ran it back, you know. Back to, uh, Plymouth. Back to his tribe. poor guy's been through some shit. He is still, and here he is, he's still helping out his homie, Massasoit. You know what? Squanto's a real one. Mm Neither of the two accounts that they use actually say whether or not the womps were actually invited to the celebration or how they learned of it. Many just simply assume they were invited. Okay. Well, from my understanding, it's because they helped them get all of that food. Yes. But like, so no one says like, oh, we invited them. There's nothing written that says like, we are so grateful for them that we invited them. No, but if you said to your friends, hey, can you each bring a side dish to dinner? And then they come and they drop it off and you're like, oh, oh, you're staying? Oh, yeah. Squanto and, our dear friend Massasoit like definitely showed them how to like get their crop on. Like that's for sure. Yeah. They should be invited. Yeah. So literally are only eating because of them. Sorry. There's no record of a written invitation. Okay. Bye. Bye. Okay, but we're just assuming They didn't mail those out. Yeah, they hollered from down the road. I don't fucking know. They used a cup phone. Like, I don't fucking know. There's no proof. The proof is in the pudding, Bridget. Okay, great. So, I'm gonna briefly pause for some legitness, okay? Great. I feel as though it needs to be brought up. We can't just, like, brush under the rug. Yeah. And talk about, like, corn and turkey. Because they didn't just have one peaceful meal and then go home and take naps and watch football? Well, that day was pretty peaceful. Sure. No, it was, but it's the aftermath that's the problem. Right, that's what I'm, yeah. Cool. I just want to say that obviously, history doesn't begin for them, like, on the time that the colonists arrive. I think that's what history books make it seem like. Yes. It's like, hey, they've been there for thousands and thousands of years, you know, and according to, like, their own traditions, they've been there since the beginning of time. Hello, Big Bang Theory, you know, they've been there forever. They're the OGs. Okay. Yeah. And you know having history start with the pilgrims sailing over is just a way of being like you're irrelevant. I believe the term is called whitewashing. Correct. Like the idea of like the arrival of the Mayflower as being the first kind of contact with this part of the world is, it just ain't it. You know? You know how I love the musical Shucked? Yeah. They have a song, their very first Ironically. And she says, the way history is written, jump into the first Thanksgiving. The Indians brought something they call maize. And everyone goes, Ah, maize! But yeah, that's the way she phrases it. It's like we just jump to the first Thanksgiving as if that is the beginning of our history when that is not the case. Yeah, our, uh, our pals were here for some time. And everyone's just like, you're irrelevant. Sick. and obviously we know they've been around for a while. Our guy Squanto, when the Pilgrims arrived, he already spoke English. He was ahead of the game. Yeah, he was way ahead of it. And the colonists are late to the party, and they think they're hot shit, and they're not. And they literally don't know how to feed themselves. No. And most importantly, they use this, like, shared dinner as a symbol of like, yes, we're besties. Like, you're fucked up. That's fucked up. Yeah, a hundred percent. And it enrages most people, obviously. Rightfully so. The idea of Thanksgiving in general doesn't address the background of the situation and, you know, the most horrific war on record, which was King Philip's War. Yeah. I was really confused. I didn't know who King Philip was. We're gonna go into it because I, just in case someone else maybe doesn't know who Kingfield is. Yeah, I bet, I bet there are a lot of people who don't know what that is. Thank you, U. S. history. and it also doesn't address the fact that our dear womps had to essentially survive the whole time and fight to adapt every single time someone showed up on knocking on their door and said, this is my land now, which is so rude. So, you know. They've been here for centuries, and they should get some credit for that. Yeah, amen. and to really understand the beef between the WOMPs and the colonists is to put it like this, okay? The WOMPs didn't have private property like we own homes, right? Mm hmm. They just had like community property. Yeah, so it was just shared like they understood like where your land starts where your land ends There's nothing written. It's all just like we're a family. We're a community. There's like yeah, you're over there. I'm over here It sounds great like normal people Yeah So when the pilgrims came to the Americas they buy land from the wamps But the wamps assume the English are buying into wamp country got it. So not that they're buying So when they're selling it to them, they're like, yeah, this is our land and you just are on it now, you're not, I'm not selling it to you. I'm not giving you the deed to the house. I'm renting it to you. Yeah. So it's equivalent to like, imagine Canadians coming over here and buying a few houses in America and then like, has the land in the homes that they purchased now passed the jurisdiction of like America and the laws and they're just Canada now? Like, no. Right. You know? Yeah. That is absurd. So all of that essentially happens, and that's what causes King Philip's War. Sidebar. Got it. King Philip's War was years after the Thanksgiving Feast, but it's considered to be the deadliest war in American history. It wasn't like right after all these things like led up to it. So, they really have to do with each other, even though they were a good chunk of time apart. The war is named after our friend Metacomet, and he was the chief of the Womps at the time. So Metacomet was Massasoit's son. It's called King Philip's War because at the time Metacomet adopted the English name Philip, because he also was just as friendly with the colonists as his father was. So therefore they gave him, they were like, hey, you're one of us, King Philip, you know? Yeah. So, so they buoyed up and he was given an English name and so Metacomet is King Philip. Got it. Massasoit dies and Metacomet becomes aka King Philip, takes over. And the minute he does, things go to shit. Everything that our dear friend Massasoit, like, really worked so hard to protect and build up, uh, just kind of flew out the window, and colonies just took over, I wonder if they were just waiting for the change of power to happen. Probably, but something tells me they weren't that smart, honestly. Oh, okay, fair enough. But I mean, I don't know, I wasn't there. As a first hand account. Colonists then just kind of run them over, and they run into all of their land, like they're flooding the fuck in, they give no fucks, they don't care. They just bulldoze, yeah. So, obviously, the, you know, the Womps aren't too happy about this. Their relationship shits the bed, the Womps obviously weren't fucking with the colonists anymore. And I won't go into detail, because I could, but, the war is basically just a final attempt to drive out the colonists once and for all. The colonists are pissed. Pissed. And their army burned native villages left and right. They went through, they killed women, they killed children. It was fucking terrible. Awful, awful, awful. They are assholes. Were assholes. They're not alive now. they killed thousands of people. if not they were wounded or they were captured and sold into slavery so like nothing really good came out of it. It took 14 months. That's too long. Way too long. I feel like that's the longest war, no? No, most wars last years. Oh. I mean, it's still a long time, over a year is a long ass time. So they fight for 14 months, and then finally, the Womps and the other tribes were subdued by the colonist army. And after his son and wife were captured, Metacom fled to his secret headquarters at Mount Hope in Rhode Island and he was killed in August of 1676. Like executed? Killed? He was hanged and beheaded and his head was placed on a spike and displayed at Plymouth Colony for over two decades. Jesus Christ. And they continued to be awful for years to come, but that's the stuff that you probably did out Want to hear about but you must we couldn't proceed with the story without telling you. Yeah, I 100 percent agree So that's that about that. Let's just not forget There's two sides to every story. So I feel like you should have both Thank you. Uh, going back to our lovely feast. Back to sunshine and rainbows. Back to the big day. at the time it was cool, it was good, good vibes. Massasoit was bringing the people together, everyone was happy. and at the time it was never actually called Thanksgiving. At all. Mm. Mm hmm. It was simply just Harvest Celebration or Harvest Dance, if you will. Until a few years later in July of 1623, the Pilgrims did what they actually called a Thanksgiving, which was basically just like a religious day of prayer, and they fasted, which sounds fucking terrible. and then, It really had nothing to do with the fall harvest. They were two completely separate beings. And over the years the name of the two events became intertwined and then eventually they just put them together and started holding Thanksgiving feasts during autumn months and that's kind of how we got to be Thanksgiving in autumn. So it's really just a bad game of telephone almost. Yeah. But they just morphed together over the years. Congress declared the first national Thanksgiving on December 18th of 1777. So a long ass time after. Yeah. And then in 1789, George Washington declared the last Thursday in November as the official date of Thanksgiving. But, so that's how we got the date. Gotcha. But they're just declarations, not necessarily like official calendar holidays. and none of the presidents really gave a fuck. They were like, cool, it's Thanksgiving. You want it to be Thanksgiving? It is. So, but it's not really celebrated. Hmm. But then we get Honest Abe in this bitch. Oh, I love me some Honest Abe. Honest Abe is a man of the people. Lumber. Sixteen? Yes, Colleen! I know, because you always yell at me about it. Oh my god! Well, because you always think he's a founding father. Yes, but he's not. He's not. I know. Yeah. I'm so much growth. Hashtag, that's on growth. He is the sixteenth president of our great nation! Wow. so he listens to the people's requests. Everyone's like, hey Abe, come on, let's do something about this. And he makes it a national holiday in 1863. Did he also make Black Friday a national holiday? I don't know. He should've. But he really just did it because at the time, they're in the middle of, like, the Civil War, and, like, things weren't great, you know? so he was hoping, like, a new holiday, let's Bring the people together. Yeah, let's unify this whack ass country. Yeah, fair enough. the holiday was finally a success and since then Thanksgiving has continued. Wow. And that's the brief Colleen version of Thanksgiving. Wow, you learn something new every day. Those colonists, I'll tell ya. Dicks. Yeah. Just complete dicks. They give small dick energy. They give such small dick energy. And that's that. Also, if anyone is making you work the day after Thanksgiving, they deserve to be arrested. I agree. Sent right to prison. You're still digesting. Honestly, this entire week should be off for people. Who is working this week, honestly? Me. Not me. Given the circumstances. Hold on, I need to have a coughing fit, okay? Me too. Can we please keep that? We're disgusting. Can we please keep that? That's so funny. Fine. Fine. Cool. Okay, so I have some wild Thanksgiving stories. I got this from the BuzzFeed article by Kelly Martinez, which I'll post in, you know, our girl Reddit. Here's the thing. And I think we said this last year. I don't want to hear your crazy Thanksgiving story. That's like oh We left the turkey at home. LOL Everything I want to hear how your family never speaks again. I want to hear The drama, the, the turmoil. I want to hear how you found out your uncle is sleeping with Your cousin. You know what, like, I want the tea. I don't want just like, Oh, we fought and then everyone went home and called each other the next day and apologized. No, I want the juicy, darkest stories you have. No, give us the drama or give us death. So here we go. There's a mix of both, I would say, in this. Okay. All the grandkids, toddlers, came over. They ran around the house most of the night, in a pack, screaming and causing chaos. A. K. A. Colleen's Nightmare. Eventually, they made their way to the mantle above the fireplace, where they discovered a box that they couldn't resist picking up and opening. The oldest one grabbed handfuls of dust out of the box and started throwing it in the air and yelling, It's snowing, mommy! Apparently the kids found the ashes of our aunt's old cat. They were playing with the cat ashes. At least it wasn't a person? Nope, somehow it's worse. At least the cat can be there on Thanksgiving Day. Colleen, children were throwing sprinkles into the air and yelling it's snowing. Poor little sprinkles, just trying to R. I. P. Above the mantel place where it's nice and warm. And safe. And these little fucking rugrats have to come around and open them up. Yeah, I don't think Sprinkles is fighting peace. And then what do you do? Do you vacuum? Do you dust him? Yeah, I think you dust it and put it back. Ugh, horrible. Along with whatever might be else on the floor. Correct. Stuffing maybe? Maybe. My 21 year old sister was about to graduate from college in less than a month. My brother, jokingly, graduated her on being the first person in our family to graduate college without getting pregnant. That's how we found out she was pregnant. I mean, it's, it's not funny. It's just ironic of like, Oh my God, what about this funny joke? And then she just, what, burst into tears. And it was like, but I am the scene. My mom was in charge of cooking the turkey and she put it in for way less time than it should have been based on the weight when we wanted to carve. It was clearly not done. I always travel with a meat thermometer. Pause. Who the fuck is always traveling with a meat thermometer? I have to meet this person. I've never owned a meat thermometer. Of course you haven't, Colleen. But like, who is always out here traveling? Unless you are a chef who cooks regularly in random locations you're not expecting to. Who the fuck is out here with a meat thermometer? I don't know. Well. A serial killer. Here we go. I always travel with a meat thermometer if I'm going somewhere where I might be cooking. Oh, okay. I just totally ragged on this man and could have just finished the sentence. I'm sorry, good sir. So I got it out to check the turkey. This is apparently a personal affront in some kind of unacceptable sorcery and I had clearly got it out to demonstrate that my mother was an awful cook. There wasn't an argument per se, but my mom was visibly upset that we were using the thermometer. By the way, the food was undercooked. I'm sorry, mom, that this is an affront to you, but stop trying to poison us all. Do you know how fucking sick you can get? My mom did that one year. Stop. No, Uncle Bob was throwing up ham on the highway. Oh no. Yeah, we've never let him live that down. Oh my god. Yeah, you cannot fuck around with meat. You have to cook it. My dad is like a freak about, like, plugs at night. Like, he'll unplug everything. And my mom was cooking something in the crock pot once, and he turned it off. She didn't know, and she like ate it the next day. So violently ill. Oh my god! I would kill my husband. Why did he turn it off? Because he plugs everything in every night. Oh, so he was just trying to be, yeah. Yeah, because of the fire in their house when they were younger. I was going to say our dad's house. Caught fire when they were younger because I think of like an electrical issue and they lost their home and rebuilt it So they're very fire Conscious. Yeah, my dad's a freak. He unplugs everything every single. Yeah. I mean, that's a that's a good reason Okay, this might be my favorite one because it it has everything I want. There's a beginning. There's a middle there's an end Many characters are part of this play. Okay. I was invited to cook dinner with friends. In parentheses, a straight couple. I already love this person. I don't know who they are. They were going, this person was going to the boyfriend's mom's house. Okay? It's a fun time, full of laughter, and the wine is a flowing. We're making a great meal to enjoy. The mom was at work all day, but about halfway through our cooking, we realize something is really wrong with the cat. He'd been sick, but things were getting bad in a hurry. The vet can't do anything, so he says just to keep the cat comfortable and just to wait. So the cat is literally dying. And the mom comes home and we have to tell her the bad news. She does not handle it well, as you can imagine. She kind of screams when she hears the news and just falls to pieces completely. Hella awkward and we all do our best to offer comfort. Eventually we're all awkwardly sitting around the table eating dinner in complete silence and meekly sipping wine and the mood is grim, but the girlfriend is getting really fucking drunk. Oh God. She also doesn't really like the mom and keeps rolling her eyes when the mom isn't looking and texting me under the table that the mom is being dramatic about the cat. So this poor person is at the boyfriend's mom's house. While the girlfriend gets shit faced, Complains about the mom, While the cat is dying, And the mom is wailing at the tur the, The Thanksgiving table. And this person's just involved in all parties. That's correct. I'm trying my best to keep my shit together, Because this is the weirdest, most uncomfortable situation ever. I'm trying to spark up some light conversation, And it's just awful. I'm carrying this dinner single handedly, Which makes me start to drink more to deal with the cringe. Fair. The most relatable sentence ever. I've ever heard. So then I asked someone to please pass the potatoes. The mom lets out a sob and hollers in a weird warble, PICKLES! The cat is dead. And the girlfriend takes one look at me, trying my damnedest to keep a straight face, in bursts into hysterical laughter. The boyfriend is appalled. I immediately freeze, feeling that overwhelming pressure that is close to pure madness when you try to suppress hysterically laughing that you know you shouldn't let out. That's the worst. You would know the mom abruptly pushes her chair back leaves the table and we hear her wailing crying in the garage over her dead cat I follow the mom I try to comfort her the dead cat is covered in tears The boyfriend is yelling at the mom to stop fucking crying on the cat. The girlfriend is doubled over crying with laughter She's completely gonzo at this point. She's so wasted. She's laughing so hard. She pees her pants This makes me lose my shit the boyfriend and I Stealthily drink more wine in the kitchen just to cope. The three of us spend the rest of the night sitting on the front of the fire. We can't leave because we were all drinking. Listening to the sound of crying and avoiding eye contact. Every time the mom wails, PICKLES! The girlfriend loses it all over again. This lasted until about 10pm when I called someone to rescue my ass and get the hell out of there. And that is the story of the most awkward dinner of my life. Wow, there's a lot to unpack there. Too long. I would have left so much earlier at the 10pm. Too long, didn't read. R. A. P. Pickles, thanks for ruining Thanksgiving. Damn. Fuck Pickles, honestly. Pickles! What the fuck? You really had a croak? Oh, poor Pickles, though. You couldn't have waited it out for a day, Pickles? I mean, she was stronger than that poor pickles that poor mom to like people really love their pets I think the girlfriend's being very inconsiderate. I agree Get her shit together Oh, I would be so uncomfortable Imagine and it's not even your family. You're not even related to these people. I know like I can't imagine myself being like He's in a better place. Like, I just couldn't even bring myself to do that. I feel like I think I would. I think I would probably be okay in that scenario. I think you would too. I would feel so uncomfortable though. Yeah. Fair. Okay. This is the first sentence. My dad's wife is back on meth. Fair. Just... Hold. She hid his keys inside of his car so that he can't find them. But it will start because it's a push to start. So she can drive it without him ever knowing. She also stuck a magnet tracker thing under his seat. Dude, that's so smart. And they found this out on Thanksgiving. All of this. Okay. I also found out that my cousin with Down Syndrome can knock back whiskey like she's drinking water. She parties harder than I ever could and I'm jealous. Impressed. Father in law got drunk, took his shirt off, and then arm wrestled my son, which he lost. Then he tried to tackle my wife, who is his daughter. Everyone is worried about grandma, who has dementia, but for some reason she made a quote unquote pie. Everyone ate it, pretended it was pie. Not sure what to call it though. It was in a pie pan. There was no crust and just had apples. Literally our family would be like, mmm, yum. This is amazing. Thank you so much for your hard work on this. I love how all of these start with someone getting shit faced. Uh, and my last one is just a sentence. We found out grandma gets competitive as hell in bear pong. What a nice grandma, honestly. I just can't imagine our grandmother was the sweetest, nicest... Saint of all saints. Like she, she didn't even say mean things about people. I've never even seen her move fast. No, no. You know, like think about, she literally just like. Her favorite word was nice. Everything was so nice and she didn't raise her voice and she didn't swear in front of us And she shuffled around in her little slippers and her silk robe that I thought were so cute and she fed us cookies like the the quintessential grandmother you're picturing a grandma getting so aggressive and bear pong is Hilarious to me. I agree It's unfathomable unfathomable Anyway, those were, those were some of my wild Thanksgiving stories. If you have any and you want us to read them, we will, so write in to us. Gladly. Or if you want to send some Christmas ones beforehand. Oh, I love wild Christmas stories or any holiday you experience in the next few months. Send us in. I want to hear, if you have a wild Hanukkah story, nothing would make me happier. Shabbat shalom right into our DMs. Let's go. What happened while you were fasting? Someone's going to say some mean shit. I'm a hangry bitch when I'm hungry. One of you was fasting and did something inappropriate, and I need to know what it was. 100%. should we do 10 things we're grateful for? Yeah, what are you grateful for? Oh, man. okay. this year was a little different, I will say. Uh, I'm thankful for my niece and nephew who are the apple of my eye. I'm grateful for us. Just the two of us. Just the two of us. We can make it if we try. Just the two of us. You and I. Uh, my overall health, even though I'm not well at the moment, I still have a body that allows me to get up out of bed and run errands and do things that I need to do. Even though it's not functioning at its highest capacity at this moment. Say less. Yeah. Bar is low. Amazon Prime. Naturally. Naturally. It's actually kind of crazy. You can order whatever you want and it gets here in two days. It's my favorite thing. Especially, you know, when I travel and I, I was in South Africa and I said something about Amazon. I was like, Oh yeah, when you guys Amazon things and they were like, yeah, it comes in a month. And I was like, that's so wild to me. We're so spoiled. My friends. My high school friends, my college friends. I've been friends with, you know, my friend Cody and Steve. I've been friends with since I was 5. I'm 33. We've been friends almost 30 fucking years. That's insane. Yeah. Like, my college friends I've been friends with nearly two decades now. I'm just forever grateful for good friends who you can call and be like, Hey, I'm having a really bad day. Let's go grab a drink. Or the ones you don't see all the time, and then when you do see them, it's like no time has passed. I, I'm just forever grateful for having multiple groups of really good friends. Preach. elastic waisted pants. I can see that I handled this in a very Bridgette fashion, and you handled this in a very Colleen fashion. As one does. Can I tell you, I had to do laundry today. Because all of my good sweatpants were being used. They were all dirty. I was like, oh, I gotta put some hard pants on. I gotta, I gotta switch it up. Can't be out here wearing sweats every day for the rest of my life. I mean you could. I definitely could. Who the fuck is stopping you? I don't know. You're right. Who cares. Become Miss Haversham. Everyone leave me alone. She wore something different. She wore a wedding dress and never took it off. Uh, my living room. We're sitting in it right now. It's so cozy, especially this time of year with the fireplace and if you don't know this already, I have a year round Christmas tree I'm obsessed with and she, she's in her prime. This is her time to literally shine. She's glowing. She's glowing. In July, she glows as well, but she's gorgeous. She's Gorgina right now, as you would say. She hits different during this time. Yeah, she definitely does. Put some Harry Potter on. We've got a whole ambiance. I made pasta tonight. I made a nice little bolognese. Yeah. Twas yummy. Twas yummy. a snooze button. I'm just so thankful we have a snooze button. Oh. When I was actually waking up for something I would, I would set so many alarms. I'm a big multi I don't snooze cause I don't like that the number goes down. Yes. Do you know what I mean? Yes. Like, the amount of times you can snooze, it starts to shorten the time to make you wake up. I like setting actual alarms. So I know I have a full 15 minutes left. Oh, I didn't know that they did that. What do you mean? I've just been out here snoozing four alarms consecutively. Oh, no. I, I would do like, uh, a 730, a 745, and an 8. Oh. Interesting. You've never thought to just set multiple alarms? I do, but I snooze them all. Oh, Jesus. That's so stressful. Wait, that explains why Aaron's always like, your alarm doesn't stop going off. And I'm like, what do you mean? Because when I snooze it, I go back to bed. But I must be waking up literally not 10 seconds later for the next one. Yeah, that makes sense. That's crazy. Wow, I didn't know that. Learn something new every day. I guess I'll just set one for now. Yeah, fair enough. I have that, The ability to travel, see new amazing places that I've always dreamt of seeing, make wonderful friends, get to travel with them again, rinse and repeat. Life has been very, very good to me in a lot of ways. That's, that's great Bridget. And as I look forward to where the fuck I'm going or what the fuck I'm doing, it's, it's definitely the highest thing on my list. I'm, uh, really thankful for after pay, so. We love a monthly pay we love a monthly payment program, I was trying to say. Good lord. Now my basic needs are met, I have clean water, I have heat, I have a roof over my head. I get water delivered to my front door. Like, talk talk about fuckin privilege, Jesus. That's fair, I'll give you that. Yeah. Uh, smart food. Listen. It's a great snack. It's my favorite snack. It's a crowd favorite. You can't go wrong. It's addictive. Yeah, that is for sure. They definitely put crack in it. Yeah, sometimes I'm like, I'm cool, I'm good. I'm not good. I can't have another bite, but I have to. Uh, Mucinex DM. It is keeping me afloat and keeping my body together at this point in time. Mm hmm, mm hmm, mm hmm. Uh, boob tape. We love boob tape. I, I hate how much it hurts though. Oh, yeah. You have a full ass scar on your body from it. I know. That was my fault. I was intoxicated. I ripped too hard. Yeah, I hate that. But, when the girls need to be lifted, they, to the stars, just pointing right to the moon. They're up. When they're up, they're up. Perky as fuck. Uh, my severance came just in time for me to buy, uh, some gifts for the holidays. So, I don't have any money, but Santa is still coming. That's all that matters. Which is great for everyone. Coming down the chimney, he does. Help. my Kindle slash smut books. Yeah. I actually was looking because I somehow ended up on Book Talk. Yep. And I was like, do I just end up reading a bunch of smut now? Yes. The fuck else are you going to do with your time? At least find some joy. You gotta dissociate and be delusional. That's what I do. Full Delulu. Erin, Fiona, and I have been on a wave, and we just sit in silence in the living room, all three of us on the couch reading. Okay, can everyone DM me your favorite smut book, and I'll, I'll look into it. Sure, I can. Maybe we'll, we'll do read between the fucking wines again. It's just not consistent for me. Like, I go through ruts, and then I go through like, aggressive book, like I read two books this week. Oh, do you mean hyperfixations? Uh huh. You mean ADHD? Yeah, for real. Uh, really yummy food. the pasta we ate tonight, pizza. Just really good comfort food that makes you warm from the belly out. Mmm. Mmm mmm. Mmm! From the belly to the heart, you know. I'll follow up with that one. I have chicken tendies with honey mustard on my list. From where specifically? You have to be specific. Nowhere because John Tavern, John Tavern, oh my god what am I saying? I just put John Brewers and John Taffer together and said John Taffer. John Brewers but you know, may he rest in peace. We should take a trip to the other one sometime. Honestly I think it would make me too sad. Really? Is that so pathetic? Yeah. There's this office episode where someone asks him how he's doing and he's like, not great. My favorite restaurant closed. It's been a tough year. I feel that so deeply in my soul. We need like a new place now. Yeah, we need a new spot. I mean, I love Regina's, like I'll always go to Regina's. But I think what was so great about John Brewer's as I, as I get a tear in my eye is that they didn't have all crappy food. Like, on the days where we wanted to eat potato skins in chicken fingers, we could do that. But we could also get, like, really yummy salads or sandwiches. We really need, you know, the full menu. We should go to, I went to this one, I think it was technically in Everett. It was like Steward's Pub and it was an Irish, another Irish pub. Real good. Okay. Alright, I'm open to finding our new spot. Okay. And then number ten, I wrote you in this podcast. It's a weekly excuse for us to hang out and giggle and be silly, even when life is really hard. And it's just, it's really nice. And people seem to like it, which is crazy. So crazy to me. Can't wrap my brain around it. A lot of people listening and giggling along with us. So shout out to all of you too. Very thankful for all of you. Love you. Well, let's do our positive stories. No, I have number 10. Oh, sorry. Go ahead. It's fine. Tie between Walmart and you. But the first one was us. I know, but you specifically. Me and Walmart? Yeah, you were tied. Honestly, that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me. Really? Yeah. Wow, I'm glad you took it that way. I'm so glad you took it that way. Some people wouldn't have, you know. Oh no, I don't think I'm cheap. I think you just love me as much as you love Walmart, which is saying something. And for that... I am so blessed. We pray. Alright, you ready for some positive stories? Yeah. I'm ready. I'll tell you what, people on the internet, they need to stop surprising each other at the airport. Surprising their partners with puppies, or their children with puppies. They're, stop surprising your grandparents. And, if there is any form or fashion of a military homecoming, I, I can't keep it together. I can't handle it. I'm in a state and it's just too much for my heart. Also people who film their older child meeting the baby for the first time, I die. Cease and desist for my tear ducts, please. I beg of you. So, there's this TikTok I saw, and I'll post it. It's from Adam Ray Comedy. And he's doing this bit where he has Background singers. He's got a full band and they're singing and they're riffing and he starts talking about parenting And he starts going around and asking like who has kids and he's going around and one person's like no And then he asked another guy he's like fuck no, and he's like you guys aren't getting it I'm trying to talk to people with children and they're singing and still dancing behind him And he goes up to a guy and a wife a man and wife And he says do you guys have kids and the man says yes, and so then they start all screaming. He's like finally And then he says, Which kid is your favorite? He starts doing this whole bit about how everyone has a favorite kid, and those who say you don't, you're liars, and it's usually the oldest, and like, why is it? And when he leans the microphone over, the woman leans over and says, Our son passed away. And obviously at a comedy show, like, this can go one or two ways, right? So at first, of course, it gets awkward, because the guy's like, Oh, no. Like, my bad. Oh, no. And so then he's like, I, this, this bit took a turn, and, like, the music's still going, and people are laughing, because it's uncomfortable, obviously. And then he leans down again, and the wife says, My son who passed away would think this is hilarious. And everyone just leans in and he asks them, and like music, they're singing and dancing this whole time. And the guy leans down again and says, What is your son's name? And she says, Max. And the whole crowd starts to chant for Max. And it is like, it's such a rollercoaster though, right? Because when you're first watching it, you're like, Oh, woof. And by the end of it, you're in tears. Like, it's just a really lovely tribute to Max. And his parents clearly were very, very happy with how it went. It's just really sweet. And I will post it so you can all watch it, because it's really nice. So shout out to Max. Love you, Max. This one I got from Upworthy. It says my oldest brother is 10 years older than me. When I was in first grade he took me shopping for new school clothes, which was huge because as the youngest of six kids, I lived in hand me downs. He bought me a little navy blue polka dot dress with a Peter Pan collar and red alphabet buttons. But on picture day, I lost one of the buttons on the playground. I had a total meltdown because my brother spent his own money to make sure I had this new dress and I ruined it. I was a mess. Totally inconsolable. My teacher was also the mom of one of my brother's best friends. She told him, and he, my brother, and the entire football team searched the playground after practice for my lost button, which they actually found. My brother sewed the button back on himself in the car all while trying to explain why he wouldn't have been mad if I did lose it. It was just a button in a dress. But, I did have one of those little red alphabet buttons sewn into my wedding dress. Oh no! That's how I cried on this podcast. Is that not the cutest fucking thing you've ever heard? That's so sweet. And it was already cute, and then the last line just killed me. Stop, I'm obsessed. Yeah. Yeah, so those are your positive stories for the week. I hope that, you know, all of you had a wonderful Thanksgiving. If you were able to celebrate that it was as peaceful as possible, and you were able to enjoy it. And if you didn't enjoy it, I'm sorry, and I hope you celebrate however you like to, and you find peace in your own way, and You rely on friends because you deserve it. No one deserves to make you turkey trot. You hear that? No fucking turkey trots. No one needs that negative energy. No one needs that sort of thing. But anyway gang Love ya. Love you mean it Bye Gobble gobble
Bridget:This podcast was produced by me. Bridget, Shannon. Music is written and performed by Matt You can find his band super Stoker anywhere you listen to music.
