Sippin' with the Shannons

The Menendez Brothers: Part 2

• Bridget Shannon

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On this week's episode,  Bridget has gone full Sabbatical Susie and Colleen dealt with a creepy drunk guy at a bar. We talk about the Met Gala and the Tom Brady Roast before wrapping up this sh*t show topic... THE MENENDEZ BROTHERS: PART 2. Bridget covers their confessions, what led to their arrest, trials and the new updates on the case. Colleen has some funny prison tales and positive stories to wrap it up. Can we all just agree not to murder our parents!?!? It's a negative slay. #TheirDeluluBecameTruelulu #ToSlayOrNotToSlay

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Pour me a glass of rose, I'll make it a Chardonnay. Come on and sip in with the Shannon's. Oh if it's Riesling, Rambo or a Pinot Grigio, you know you're sipping with the Shannon's. Woah, woah, woah. Waaaaa I don't love that. That's what I was thinking. Whatever riffing that is, I'm not a huge fan of it. I mean, I'm not either. I don't think my vocal chords are very happy either. I feel like my Adam's apple is Adam ling today. What does that even mean, do you think? It's just, it's out and about. Is this the tism? How do you feel your Adam's apple more today than you did yesterday? Are you sick? Like when I was just singing that tune, it was bobbing. It was bobbing. I'm just saying, that's just how I feel about it. Hi everyone. Do you ever feel yours? Welcome to this week's episode of Sippin with the Shannons. We're cousins and each week we sit down, we sip on some wine, we talk some shit, we have a good giggle. I'm Bridget Shannon. And I'm Colleen Shannon. What the fuck are you talking about? I don't know, I'm just saying, you don't ever feel it? No, I'm not up here feeling the bob, the ebbs and flows of my fucking Adam's apple. The human body is an enigma, I'll tell ya. Is it? I feel like it's not. I feel like we know a lot about it. It's just a mystery, like the ocean. I think it's like a whole ass area of science people have dedicated a lot of time to. I don't think so. It's like the ocean, did you just say? I have to say that I had to cross my legs. Well, one, because I'm just so ladylike. But because I, first of all, I had to. Because when they were open, the fan was going straight in there and I wasn't wearing underwear. So it was just like real breezy underneath this table. Let me tell you. Real Marilyn Monroe situation. Yeah, we don't need those. Happening in the pod room. We don't need that. It's too open. There's too much wafting. There's too much wafting. There's too much air being exposed. There's too much going on. Feeling V exposed to the elements. The heat from my undercarriage. I'm just happy we have a fan on. It's that time of year again. I am too. I should be thankful. I'll uncross my legs. Today was the most beautiful day. It was. It was 74 degrees in Boston and goddamn what a fucking delight it was. You wouldn't come sit outside so clearly you didn't think it was that delightful. I literally spent hours outside today so fuck right off. She comes over and she's like, I'm sitting outside, I need to feel the sun on my face because I need to feel something. You're the one who's working for the man in your corporate America job. I'm out here living like a fucking hippie and loving every second of it. What's the term called? Saturation, Susie? No. Saturation? Celibate? No! Celibate? What is it called? I'm certainly not celibate. No, my sister calls me sabbatical, Susie. Sabbatical? Oh my god, am I right? Yeah, I have decided to lean all the way in. So for those of you who have been following my journey, I'm It was depression, right? Depression. Roller coaster. Then traveling Susie. Then depression Susie. But now we're fully leaned into sabbatical Susie. Life is good. We're on the up and up. I am about to head into an adult summer without a job. What a time to be alive. This is what dreams are made of. I'm about to pussy pop all over this city. You better watch the fuck out. This is sabbatical. Who needs a job? I am sabbatical Susie. I quit. I'm like, I want to be sabbatical too. Oh, it's so fun. Now that I've leaned in, it's so fun. You've accepted it. Yeah, once you just like, I don't know. Life is good. It's warm out. I'm happy in my apartment. I'm not worried about paying my bills. A job will come when it comes. I don't know. Like, it's all good. I'm a good person and good things will happen to me. And I love money and money loves me. Manifest, manifest, manifest. Right. So that's where I'm at. Sabbatical Susie. Gorgeous. Yeah, thank you. I love this journey for you. Thank you. I'm really glad that there was a change had been had. Yeah, we needed, we needed to stop feeling sorry for ourselves. We needed to pick our heads up and move it the fuck along. No, but it's okay. Everyone deserves that, though. March was tough. I'm not gonna lie. It was a dark time. March was a difficult month. For Sabbatical Susie. We were It's gonna be May! We were stressy and depressy in March. But May has brought on a new window. And April was a build up, and now May is full Sabbatical Susie time. It's full pussy pop. I am gonna be a feral animal the entire summer. Good. Good. I can't wait to see it. Poussoir to the wind. Let's go. Didn't your friend make you put your asshole to the sun once? That's what I'm going to do. If you see me on the beach, if you see me in the hot with my asshole to the sun, mind your fucking business. It charges parts of your body that aren't usually charged. It's really good for you. Yeah. Well, guess what? Watch out neighborhood. Hide your kids. Shield their eyes. The lips are running free. Or don't shield your eyes. Or, you're welcome. That's how you get a man. They're flat. The big ol lips bring the bullets to the yard. Unhinged today, gang. Right off the top. How was your weekend? What'd you do? I truly spent ten minutes earlier when you were finishing watching The Roast thinking about what I did on Friday and I genuinely can't remember, so I can't speak to it. Like, I can not tell you what I did. Four days ago? Truly. I, I, nothing. Crickets. I have no idea. I tried looking through my phone. I don't know where I was. I have no fucking idea. What are you? 78 as you're, we're both going to get dementia. I think yours has fully set it. I cannot figure out what I did on Friday, but nevertheless, Saturday, unless I digress on Friday, I went to, um, I actually started off my night at, and I have never, I had never been there before the underground at modern pastry. Mm hmm. I've never been so I was like, oh, cool. I actually have never been to it is you would like it good vibes Not overly packed. No line for the bathroom. Well, there's like a line but there's not like it's not crazy I've got a seat right at the bar sitting and the cute little cozy bar They only have like certain like liquors and wines and martinis. We could go to espresso. They make a little tequila. Oh We love that. Right in front of the big ass fucking TV, watch the Bruins game. Wow, what a dream. I had such a positive experience and I'm not a dessert person, but like you can just go upstairs and get a fucking cannoli and bring it downstairs. Hello. Yeah, I mean, dream scenario, honestly. Normal people, like. Where have you been all my life? So that's where I started my evening and then we watched the game there and then we went to Moxie's in the seaport. Let me just tell you. There was like, definitely our crowd of people, like I think that's probably where You would go to When you say our, do you mean me and yours, or your friends? Because those are two very different I think yours would include mine. I think. Okay. It's not like I Not that First of all, I would hang out with your friends. Your friends are great. No, yeah. I more mean we have very different age groups. Correct. But I would say that mine, if I'm out and about and I'm like, oh, this is a spot for like my people it the ages would be between like probably 25 and 30 something like it's not you know what I mean? Gotcha. Like I might hang out with spry 21 year olds at West End Johnny's like that's not the vibe I'm looking for so. You one time described yourself as spry and I still will die on the hill of I've never thought of you as spry even when you were. Even as a little tiny bebe. I was like, that bitch is not spry. I'm like ricky and crusty, I don't know. I don't fucking know what would be a polar opposite word of that, but it's fine. I'll, I'll accept that. Yeah, okay, great. So anyway, um, yeah, Moxie's in the seaport. It was cool in there, funky. Whatever. Um. Something happened. Oh God. No, it's someone assault you. No, no, you have to beat some bitch up. We'll get into there So I was no shit. Oh No, it's funny. It's funny. So I'm sitting at the bar and gang you can't see me But I'm facing the microphone and I'm facing the camera The bar. I'm sitting at the bar. I'm on a bar stool, facing the bartender. No, no, we got it. You're sitting at the bar. I'm sitting there. I'm there. I'm looking at the bartender. We are eye to eye, okay? Yes. On my left is Erin and Brianna and Victoria and Luca, but he's irrelevant, so who cares. I love you, Luca. You're not irrelevant. You would never listen to this, but that's the point. I know, that's okay. And then to my right is just like a random man. And I'm kind of facing more to my left towards Aaron. Yeah, your friends. Yes, correct. And they're like, Colleen, this man next to you is, will not stop looking over your shoulder. Like, it's fucking freaking me out. And you know, when you can feel a presence. Yeah, a hundred percent. And I was just kind of like, okay, I don't, and this man is probably, he's not cute. Let me just clarify. So that already sets it off. He's not cute. He's wearing sunglasses on his head. He looks like a creep and he is clearly unwell. Okay. So I'm ignoring him and I'm giggling. Drunk, unwell? Yes. Drunk, unwell. Got it. And, it doesn't end, I'm just like giggling, and Brianna's like, I'm gonna just start counting how many times he looks. And then after like, time 17, when she out loud was going 16, 17, 18, I was going like this, and whipping my head to the right, and every time I did it, he would whip his head to the right to make it seem like I was. It was the weirdest thing, so then I'm just kind of like, this is hilarious, I've never like, experienced this in my life, I'm just gonna ignore him. I turn my whole body to the left, and I can feel him like, I can feel like his body touching mine on one side and I'm just like, whatever. Ew, ew, go away. I'm ignoring him. Fuck off. But Brian is like, no, he won't go away. So then I said, can one of you take a video? I can't see. I can't turn around. Like one of you has to take a video. Look at this fucking. No. No. No. You were gonna. No. Mind you, I didn't feel this at all. I'm already upset. No, it's, it's funny. It's fine. Ew. Why is he touching you? Is that your hand? That's his hand on my hair. No. What is he doing? Isn't that the scariest thing you've ever seen? He's such a fucking creep. Nightmare fuel. No, the creepy fingers. I did not feel that on my head. I did not know until after. Colleen, he's actively playing with your hair. How do you not fucking feel that? He was by himself also. So all five of your senses need to be checked. I've said it once and I'll say it again. So I don't, I'm like, holy, I'm laughing. I'm so uncomfortable. I'm like, what the fuck? Aaron looks at him and is like, can we help you? Obviously. Yeah, well eventually. He's a man that is unwell. So he's like, Like, can't compete. So I'm just like, whatever. So I turn my back, and then after a while, I could You looked very cute, by the way. Thank you. I can still feel his presence, to the point where he sits on my stool. And we are fully back to back. Okay. So I know that you don't like confrontation. Correct. Eventually, you have to tell him to fuck off. So I'm dying laughing, and I'm like, you guys, he, I'm, I feel his shoulder blades on mine, like, this man is sharing the seat with me, and Erin's like, do you realize that's her seat? He is just clearly like, she's like, I'm telling the bartender. And I was like, honestly, like, I'm, we're leaving soon. I'm not bothered. This is fucking hilarious. Like, but are people actually okay? No, they're not. So, Um, I was like, Oh, I'll get the gall when we go to leave. So like I, the Uber is arriving and then I, I stand up and he, this whole time, he's just like perched on my seat and we're just like, Um, and we're completely back to back and I'm not speaking a word to him. And then when we go to leave, I turned around and I stood up and I said, you fucking freak, you can have my seat. And then I walked and then I turned around and he was like this. And he was like, you can't see my face guys, but it's like a dramatic appalled face, like, like a face you want to punch. And I was just like, fuck this guy. Why are people like this? And why are these the men that I attract? Is my question. I hate two things about the story. One, I hate when behavior is so bad. And you're trying to be the bigger person and then you say something and they act like you're the bad guy. It's like you were just petting me five minutes ago. Second of all, drunk people who cannot read a room. If you at any point were interested in this man, you would have spun that chair around and started talking to him. You know what? He was almost in your fucking lap. I would have said, hello. How about that? How about we start with a, hey, how are you? I will post that video because it's so creepy. We have to put something over his face. I don't care. He did it. I know. I know. But. Are we gonna be good people? We're gonna try for once. If you know this man, put him in a cage. Don't let him out. No, we'll post the video. It's very creepy, Colleen. I just knew you'd be like, I can't stand people. Oh, that was mine. That was all I did. I got myself up and I went to Pilates on Sunday and it was, um, not a good experience. I was. Was it heated? No. It's just regular Pilates. But this is only my second time going. I'm not like a professional. I don't fucking know. But I, the woman caught me, uh, shaking like a leaf. One because I was unwell and two because I'm just, don't have a core. And so she, at Pilates, she has like the, the Britney Spears microphone, like that's how she talks through what you're supposed to be doing. For sure. And she obviously saw me and was fighting for my life. And she put, took the microphone down and then was like, use this. And it's basically like. Um, a balance stick. So like normal people can just do the workout on the machine, standing up and like use their balance and their core and their muscles. Were you holding something? She gave me the stick. I was like, try this. I have never been so humbled in my life. Like, and I was looking around to be like, does anybody else have one? They didn't, they did not. Do you know what didn't happen? You didn't black out on the floor. Okay, but that was, that's fair. That's fair. So fair. Pilates is fucking hard, Colleen. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. But I just, just know that that's what I dealt with on Sunday morning. The fact that you even got up and went hungover. The balance pole. It was just absolutely incredible. And that's all. That's all I did. I worked both days also. And that was not a sleigh. On a scale from zero to ten, ten being sleigh, it was a zero. It was a, zero. Negative slack. So. Um, what did you do? Uh, I saw my call of trends, uh, I, okay, I went to Topgolf with Erin. Oh, you did? Erin and Joe booked a time at Topgolf at the new place in Cannon. Have you been? No, I have not. Okay. First of all, it's fucking massive. This thing, it looks, I was like, this is the size of Logan Airport. It's multiple stories high. And it's a driving range, so it goes, obviously, like the size of a football field. It is massive, and it is so beautiful, and we went on kind of a chilly day. Everything was heated. You got your own personal waiter. Think of like a deluxe bowling experience, like a luxury bowling experience, but golf instead of bowling, and it's outside. Gorgeous. It was incredible. And I'm not a golfer. I've never swung a golf club unless it was, you know, your classic mini golf situation. I went in there being like, I'm going to suck at this, I'm going to embarrass myself. I wasn't that bad, but I really enjoyed it. Like I was surprised at how much I liked it. Okay. I don't want to go on a golf course. Top golf is perfect for me. I get to swing and we played one of those games where no matter where you hit it, you get points, but the further you go, everybody wins. No, the further you hit it, the more, but so Joe is obviously murdering us. Like we naturally, right. Cause he loves golf, but I just had so much fun and it wasn't as. I don't know. I don't want to go to a course though. I don't want to go on a golf cart in the fucking heat. I love the golf cart. If you hit it, you have to like keep going to get it. If you hit it in the woods, you have to go in the woods and get it. If you hit it in the water, you have to go in the water and try. It's like this whole, to just sit on the second story and just keep swinging was perfect for me while my margarita showed up. That was great. Okay. I'll give you that. You can still do the outfit. I love the golf cart situation, but the everything else that comes with golfing is not for me. I'm not a golf girlie, I'm a Topgolf girlie. And there's two categories. For sure. And those are two categories. I think you just created something here. Yeah. I mean, I think they did. Topgolf. I know, but to be separate. Yeah. From the regular set. I'm just saying. It's like multiple levels, if you will. So love Topgolf. Yeah. I mean, I wasn't super exciting. I got a haircut. Oh, yes. I meant to say that earlier, but it was up, so I forgot, but Miss Girl is blonde, ladies and gents. I don't love it. You don't? I feel like I say that after every fucking haircut. No, you do. Yeah, you do. But you get used to it. This one, it feels streakier. Like, you can see my brown a lot more at the top. Okay. Okay. And I don't love that as much. Did she not blend it out as well? I don't know. I mean, I'm sure in like two weeks I'll love it. Okay. It doesn't look the same. No, it doesn't. It looks different. It still looks good though. So you didn't watch the Tom Brady Roast, right? I started to watch it. I did not have the capacity for a three hour. Okay. First of all, it did not need to be three hours. That is insane. I didn't realize I was signing up for Avatar. Like what? Why is this three hours long? But did my face hurt from laughing so hard? A hundred percent. Then that's fair. Nikki Glaser. Absolutely. She scares me. Crap. And this guy, Tony, those are like my two standouts of the, there were so many fucking funny jokes. So many people came from Rob, Rob Gronkowski. He is a loose cannon. He is so dumb. I love him. I'm a, I'm a Gronk stan, big Gronk girl. He's so fucking dumb. It's like all he's got is dick jokes. Like he just, yes, he is a classic jock. So I will say he took it in stride. He was a good sport about it. I feel like if you're in the presence of, in that building, you have to be. Yeah, 100%. What other option do you have? Oh my god, Jeff Ross. I mean, they were all so fucking funny. Yeah. Someone who I thought was a miss was Ben Affleck. Oh, I didn't even, I hadn't even gotten there. Yeah, he came out at one point. It wasn't great. But I just love Ben Affleck, so I was like, I don't fucking care. Also, if it like doesn't hit and it's just almost there but not, it's almost worse. It's almost worse. And it's so hard, like Randy Moss went right after Nikki and she got a standing ovation and it's like, why would you put sweet, wholesome, they kept making fun of him because he looked like a substitute teacher the way he was dressed, like sweet, wholesome Randy Moss. Why would you put him after Nikki Glaser? You're asking him to fail. What the fuck? Yeah. Yeah, so funny. Sam, yeah, they're just, it was, it was funny, it was just way too fucking long. Kevin Hart, I mean, the amount of short dick jokes they make about Debra. I'm so over it, honestly. I love him dearly, and it's just like, why are we, why are we still doing this? I think he knows. So many Aaron Hernandez jokes. Love that. So many, like at one point I forget who it is. I saw the CTE thing, like you came out the room with CTE talking about Rob. Oh my god. Jeff Ross. Comes out and he has roast Jay Simpson. Like the Jersey on, and it's like, he just came from hell and he's like, Hey everyone. I just came from hell. Aaron Hernandez says hello to all the Patriots players. And Kevin Hart was talking about Tom Brady and so many Giselle jokes in. how they're divorced and all that. Like Nikki Glaser says to him one point, you have seven rings. Well, now you have eight. Now that Giselle gave hers back. So, so many digs on that. So many crypto digs. But if you are a Patriots fan, you have to watch it. It is so funny. And there are so many Patriots players there. And they, a lot of them get up and do a bit. It's really fucking funny. But Kevin Hart says, since Tom has gotten divorced, he be fucking. And he's like, he fucks so much that his dick has CTE. In my soul off my body, dude. Oh, what is that going on with Tom's face? Like something's off. Yeah, he's definitely getting plastic surgery. It's not right. So I think it's, Edelman says, I love him. Tom. I love Julian Edelman. I fucking love him. Jules is Dan. Ola was there too. I was, he's so divine. I was so obsessed with Dan Ola for so long. Rodney Harrison. Oh my God. Yum. Anyway, not the point. Jules gets up and he's like, Tom would always yell on the field laser focus, and now that's what he says to his Plastic Surgeon. That's funny. And he says something like, You would be laughing but you can't move your face. Like, it's Yeah, it was just way too fucking long. We'll do it in segments. Oh, yeah. Highly recommend in segments. Kim Kardashian was there. And she actually, everyone booed her pretty viciously and like screamed while she was trying to do her thing. I actually think she did a pretty good job. And I don't like her. Yeah. She did a toast, like it was really quick, it was like four jokes and then she was gone. But she turned towards all the comedians and she was like, I didn't write jokes for you guys because I honestly have no idea who the fuck you are. Like she's kind of badass. That's funny. And she said something like, I would defend Tom or she says something about defending a football player and she's like, I think plenty of people in my family have defended enough football players. Fair enough. We love it. We love it. Take it on the own squad. So many OJ Simpson jokes. Tom Brady even made one because Peyton Manning came out and he's a Denver Bronco and he was like, when I saw a slow white Bronco coming down, I thought it was another famous, all all famer footballer. It's still, there were, I don't know. It was funny. There were a few that had my jaw on the floor. I'm not going to lie. Just one hour too long. Got it. Noted. Met Gala. Do you care about the Met Gala at all? Um, I have an article about it. Okay, great. Let's chat. On my iPad. Before we get into part two of this depressing subject. On my iPad. On your iPad. On my little iPad. My thoughts off the bat, I tried to figure out what the theme was before By looking at things and I was like, okay, so it has to be something like earthy related and then it's like the garden. Floral. Yeah, like I'm like, what the fuck's going on? Why are these people looking like they're coming from like the heavenly gardens or something? Like what is happening? That's exactly how they're supposed to look. Yeah, Charlie Hunnam. That's, that's it. That's all I almost sent you a thing that was like, look at Jax. Thought about it all night. Thought about it all fucking night. He's so hot. So divine was not impressed with Sidney Sweeney was a very upset about that Yeah, the black I actually thought it was Billie Eilish when I first saw her. I did too. Yeah, was not impressed was not not not not not impressed I also was not impressed with Lizzo. I'm usually very unimpressed by men in general, well actually period, but I met at the Met Gala because they don't have as much creative liberty as women, or at least not a lot of them take it. Coleman Domingo never fucking misses. He is so attractive. I don't know who it is. And he absolutely crushes women. He's very much like Zendaya, where every event he goes to, you're like, who is your stylist? You are stunning. Oh, okay. Lizzo. Lizzo looks like the fit is giving a moth mid bloom. Yeah. And I'm not, I'm not here for it. Okay. I'm just not, I'm not here for it. Love her, but no, that's a no for me. Nicole Kidman, my, one of my faves. Love Nicole Kidman. That's a slay. Yeah, she's gorgeous. It doesn't really go on theme though, but it's a stunning dress. Oh no, it absolutely does not. It was, so I consider this to be a sleeping beauty brought back to life. Okay, sure. Got it. That's fine. Sure. Anyone else you thought was cool? I thought Zendaya's, I mean her, both of her outfits were beautiful. I actually liked the second one. I didn't see the second one. It's stunning. Okay, I'll have to look it up. I hope to give her a look. Lea Michele, not impressed. Not impressed by Lea Michele at all. Nicki Minaj was not. She took it too literally. Like, what are we doing here? I really liked Gigi Hadid's dress. Oh, yeah. Was a big fan of that. Kim K's sweater thing people have feelings about. I'm so sick of her. Also, her waist is the smallest. There's just, what is happening? Where are the organs? Where are they? They're hiding from us. Also, Tom Brady's joke about Kim Kardashian was like, she was really scared to be here tonight. Not because of what's happening here, but because her kids are home with their father. And she did not seem amused. Really? That's something she would laugh at, I feel like. She looked in good humor, but she didn't lean in. Got it. Lana loved this. You did? Yes. Love. Very into the woods. Emma Chamberlain I really loved. Oh yeah. She always slays. Cardi B needed like nine or ten people to help her go anywhere. That's too much. Tyler, did you see Tyler? So good. So good. When they physically picked her up and carried her up the stairs. Imagine someone doing that to you? No! Absolutely not. I didn't, did we already say Ariana Grande? Wasn't really I don't know what's going on with her. I, I don't know. Something's not right. I, I feel like she's really method acting, Glinda. Yeah, for sure. Do you know what I mean? This is Colman Domingo. Oh, okay. Yes, it's yes. Impressed. Lily James can do no wrong for me. She's stunning. Stunning. I actually really loved JLo's fit. I just was like, whatever about it. I'm just. I mean, she's unlikable, which makes it worse. She is. She, she just is. So this was Zendaya's second dress. Oh, I did not see that. Love that. She's just very, I don't know. She has it all. She can do no wrong. She's another one. I liked Elle Fannings too, as well. Even though you can like legit see her pussy lips, but that's the point. She looked stunning though. That dress was made to fit her. What did you think of Sarah Jessica Parker? I love her. She's Carrie. I loved it. I loved her dress. Did you not like it? It's all right. I wasn't impressed with Jessica Biel. It's just, you took it too literally. It's too, You know? I like when people go ham at the Met Gala because that's what it's meant to do. If you just look like you're wearing a dress and you could go to the Oscars in it, I'm not as impressed. Do you know what I mean? Yes. Amanda Seyfried. Um, yeah. She could do better. Yeah. Look at Kerry Washington though. Oh, stunning. A queen. Stunning. That's really the only ones I, for once in my life was impressed. That's not true. I shouldn't say that. I wasn't. She looked, you're looking at a picture of Kylie Jenner because she looks normal. That's what I mean. She looks like she's going to the Oscars. That is a stunning dress. That dress is absolutely gorgeous. Wear that to another red carpet event. That's true. But she always wears some weird shit. So seeing that, I was like, okay, I'm okay with this. And Kendall, I thought looked good, but I was like, what the fuck is this? It was giving deer. It's giving deer. Lil Nas X Slade. Yeah, he crushed it. Also, where the fuck was Blake Lively? I know. She is Always kills it. She always kills it. He is so divine in my opinion. Nicholas Galatzine, the guy from the old the movie where it's the age gap with Anne Hathaway. I watched it. Did you? It's so fucking cute I thought you were gonna say bad. No, it's so cute. I really needed a good rom com I've been really struggling in the rom com department recently So cute. Okay. Um, maybe I'll give it a watch. It's a little sad, but it's really, really cute. Sad? Just for some moments. Okay, whatever. That's fine. I did finish Anyone But You. I know I texted you about it, but the people need to know I finished Anyone But You. And I was not impressed. You did say that without Glenn Powell and without Natasha Benningfield, it's a zero out of ten. And I 100 percent agree. Correct. Yeah, I would agree. I would, I would agree with that statement, and I stand by it. I didn't get it. I did not get it. I only liked the music video at the end, and that was it. That was the best part of the whole movie. Anyway, that's all I have. Same here, honestly. No notes. I think that's all I have. Oh my god, actually, no, I did watch something. I watched a program on Netflix called What Jennifer Did, which you probably already know the story everyone does, but the one about, JenniferFam. I don't know what you're talking about. You don't? I don't. Oh, this girl, Jennifer Pham. It's not a spoiler. It's literally called What Jennifer Did. Clearly, Jennifer, uh, did it. Uh, um, this couple, this family, gets attacked by a home invasion in their house and I forget where it is. Just watch it. It's good. and the mother dies and the dad is like fighting for his life in a coma in the hospital. And the daughter's like, oh yeah, I was tied up, blah, blah, blah, all this shit. She did it. She, well she didn't do it directly but she was involved with the people who did in fact do it. And then the dad wakes up and is like, use your police skills to find out what Jennifer did. And that's why it's called What Jennifer Did. Oh damn. And it's fucking crazy. It's her lying to them for days. It's all of her like being interrogated and it just came to like, all because her parents like didn't approve of her dating the guy that she was dating who was like selling drugs. Like woe is me. So let's kill your family. Listen. It's insane! We're about to go into part two of the Menendez brothers who also murdered their parents. I'm like, why are we doing that? I just don't, and I guess we're not meant to understand it because we're not sociopaths. Yeah, that's fair. I will just never understand the logic or just even what your brain does to lead up to my parents have to die. It makes no sense to me whatsoever. How the only logical thing that you can do is be like, everybody must go. Like, put them out on the front lawn, like a yard sale. Like, we can't have a conversation? Nope. You can't leave. You can't detach yourself. You can't go on your own way. I want to stay here, but I want none of them to be here. Cause that's how life works. You can just eliminate people. Delete. You can just control all these people from your life and all as well. Just whole ass humans. Yeah. I don't, I don't understand. Okay, well, I'll give that a watch. That's for sure. It's a thing. It's not like, It's not like you're like, Boop, boop, boop, boop. I mean, it's just fucked up. So don't think it's like, you know, when you have to have a moment with the dark thing sometimes. You know? Sure. You know what I mean. You to say. Like, you'll be okay after is what I'm saying. You'll be okay. Okay. It's not that bad, but it's not great. It's not going to keep me up at night. Yes. Thank you. Thank you for finding my words. I do love a true crime doc. It's a good one. And I love when, Colleen, the murderer is caught and then they're put in prison and everything is tied up in a bow and they're not just a missing person running around in the world that we don't know what happened to them. I'm just saying, I like the open ended one. Oh my god, they drive me nuts. It's more for the mind. I think about them all the time. They drive me insane. All right, you ready to get even more depressed? Yes, I'm so ready for round two. Okay, we're going to wrap this bitch up. So, all the same sources, I'll repost all of them. Last week, we left off the brothers, Lyle and Eric, murdered their parents. In cold blood. They tell the police it's a mob hit. Which actually was a good idea at the time. But They're, the police are very suspect of them because they then go on a spending spree after their parents are slaughtered and spend 700, 000 in just a few months. Lyle and Eric are fighting a bit. Things are weighing on Eric. Lyle is totally fine. Lyle is like, my dream has come true. Thriving. Eric is trying to thrive, but murder weighs on a person, turns out. I'm glad to hear that it is weighing. So, like, I ended the last episode as a recap. Two months after the murders on Halloween, Eric goes to see his therapist, Dr. Jerome Oziel. Really quick, Jerome Oziel, bad. Bad. Hold out your hand, slap it, bad. He's a bad therapist and he's Shit. He's not a baddie. He is not a baddie. He says to Ozeal, they go, you know, I need to take a walk. I just need to get outside. They meet at Ozeal's office. They leave the office. They walk around for a bit. And then Eric leans up against the parking meter and says, quote, we did it. We killed our parents. That's where we ended. So Ozeal's like, cool. Can we go back to my office really quick? Uh. I, I don't think we should be having this conversation out here in the open. Okay? So they go back to the office. Eric gives a full confession. He says that they were inspired, him and his brother, were inspired by a TV series that they had watched a few weeks prior to the murders called The Billionaire's Boys Club. And it was a series where it was almost a carbon copy of what happened where a bunch of rich boys kill one of the fathers for insurance money and they drive around in their Rolexes and they go to a movie theater as their alibi and guess what car they're driving? A Jeep, which is exactly the car that Eric bought himself after his parents died. After watching the series, the brothers had a conversation about how Jose wanted to disinherit them and how sad their lives were because Jose dominated and controlled every aspect of it. And he needed to go. But Colleen, what about Kitty? Well, they figured they couldn't kill Jose and not Kitty. And she was so madly in love with him. She's loyal. And she suffered so much with her mental health her whole life. They were doing her a favor. He actually said that. He said we were doing her a favor. Okay. Because she couldn't have possibly lived without Jose, and there was no way to kill Jose without Kitty. She couldn't have made that decision on her own accord? We decided this for her? Nope. She would have spiraled, and she had to go as well. Cool. It is at this point, Oziel stops Eric, and is like, I think we need to call Isle. They call Isle, and he flips the fuck out. While they're waiting for Lyle, Eric tells Ozeal about, hey, we went to the San Diego to purchase the shotguns. that they committed the perfect crime, that they even were careful to clean up the shotgun casings, they didn't leave fingerprints anywhere because it's their house and they don't have to worry about cleaning up fingerprints. Once they finished cleaning up, he told them that Lyle drove Eric's car to a winding road. That runs from the Pacific Ocean to San Fernando Valley. And Eric was just too shaken to drive, so he gave Lyle directions. And they stopped on this drive, and Eric waited until the area was cleared of cars, and then they threw their shotguns into a nearby canyon. They headed for a gas station, where they dumped their blood spattered clothes, shoes, into a dumpster, along with the shell casings. Like in the back of a gas station and then they drove home and they called the police, but they also had intended to drive to the Cheesecake Factory to meet up with their friend Perry. And that's when they call Perry also to reestablish an alibi. But Eric was like falling to bits at this point. So they were like, let's just go home and call the police. So the Cheesecake Factory never happened. He also never mentions the movie theater. I personally think they went earlier, bought the tickets, and never went to the movie. But some, if you read some reports, it will say they actually sat through the movie after the murder. I don't think that happened. I think they planned this all out in advance. That's wild if they did. Right. So Lyle shows up and he flips the fuck out. He can't believe Eric told him everything. He also cannot pass up the opportunity to boast a little bit. And he tells Ozeal that they committed the perfect crime and their dad would be proud of them for pulling it off. Ah, mental illness. The dad that you murdered? Would be proud of you, you think? I can't. But they got away with it. And that was Jose's whole thing, as long as you don't get caught. So they think they're brilliant. They think they're so smart. They think they slayed. They think they literally slayed. They slained. I mean, for real. So Zil went on to explain the difference to them of manslaughter and premeditated murder. And was like, hey gang, and for those of you who don't know, manslaughter is when you kill someone kind of in the act while it's all happening, and premeditated is when you fucking plan it and how each of them would look in court and how premeditated murder, aka murder one, you get a far longer sentence than if it was a crime of passion. or manslaughter. And the brothers looked at each other and said, quote, we're sociopaths. Okay. Lyle then threatened Ozeal's life and said, if you tell anyone I'm going to kill you too. Cool. So a thought you might be having is at what point does patient confident confidentiality come into play? It doesn't. No. Yes, it does. Like if you told a priest that, like, does the priest just have to be like, just me and God? No. So there are certain rules that you have to follow. So At what point can you break that? Because most things that, if you say to a therapist, have to say between the two of you. Therapists only have to tell police if there is a future crime that would happen. Like if it's a danger to them or other people? Right. So if a patient says, I'm gonna shoot X, Y, and Z, they can break patient confidentiality and call the police. Got it. Now, what is so ironic in all of this is that they haven't really broken it yet because they're talking about a crime that already happened. But when Lyle threatens Ozeel He's doing it to protect them, but in reality, he just gave Ozeel the green light to break it because a threat to a person is a technical future crime. That could happen in the future, that you could kill him. You threatened my life. Instead of going to the police, Ozeel continues to see the brothers and tries to help them frame their situation where they can get away with murder. It's like, let's piece together some family history so that you can build a case to protect yourself. Plot twist, this therapist will lose their license in the future. He is such trash. So, whatever. They leave that night. It ends on really bad terms. Lyle's freaking out. Eric literally ran out of the office sobbing. Two days later, Oziel sees them both again. It's more of like this casual conversation about slaughtering your parents. Lyle threatens him again. He was like, we even talked about just killing you and everyone you're connected with. Just so you won't say anything. Cause that's smart. What the brothers don't realize is that Oziel recorded every single session. No! Not only that, Is his girlfriend is listening outside of the door for every conversation. She always did. And so when Eric did that whole, like, we kill our parents and he's like, let's go into the office. That was so he could give his a girlfriend, adds up to listen at the door so she could take note of everything. So he's not the only one that knows. She knows everything. She has now heard two full meetings and full confessions with both brothers. Did I mention that this woman, this girlfriend is one of his patients? Oh my God, it's problematic. So around this time, police finally interview Craig. Craig is Eric's quote unquote best friend. He's the one where they were playing chess and he was like, Hey, do you want to know how we did it? And then did a full, like 12 days after the murder. So they finally get around to interviewing Craig because Craig told his mom and then no one said anything because that makes a lot of sense. So also, isn't this at the time, like. Everyone knows about this, my dad. It's not like it's like, Oh, I didn't know it's on every newspaper. So like, how was no one like, I could not keep that in. I know. I don't care if you told me. I'm running. I don't know. I don't know. Craig says nothing. I don't know if he was scared of them. I don't know what was happening. But they finally talked to him and he gives a full account of what happened the night of the murders based off of what Eric told him 12 days after, which is the story I told all of you in part one, which is what I believe to be the truth. Because before you get arrested and before all this other crap comes out because their story changes, I believe the initial one. Obviously, why would you lie off the bat and then be truthful after? Mm hmm. So to be absolutely certain, the cops have Craig plan a dinner with Eric and they put a wire on him. Oh my god. And he tries to get Eric to come to dinner with him to rewrite their fucking Friends TV show. Oh my god. Do you remember what I, like, their thing? Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah, whatever that was, he was like, let's get together and start writing again. I don't know why they thought that would work. They go to dinner. It's unsuccessful. Eric denies everything. He's like, yeah, I totally lied to you. During our chess match. Because Lyle's like threatening his life. For sure. The sting operation doesn't work and the cops are starting to get worried because soon Jose's estate will be probated and the boys will get everything. Their entire parent's fortune will go to the both of them if they can't prove it before then. So they decide to focus on the shotguns because they know that the shotguns will connect them to the murder scene. They ask LA County because at this point they don't know they went to San Diego. So they ask LA County. Hey, can we get a list of all the gun shops in the area? They are sent a list that is 80 pages long. And they're like, we're fucked. What are we going to do? When there's no way we're going to be able to narrow this down in time. Yeah, but there's a break in the case. So, you know, that girlfriend of Ozeal who listens outside the door. Yes. Well, Ozeal breaks up with her because she finds out he's not only just fucking her, one of his patients, he's fucking at least two other patients. He's actively cheating on her. And so a. Woman scorned, decides to take matters into her own hands by going straight to the police and telling them every single thing that she overheard the Bonetta's brother saying to their therapist. And I am sure, at one point, Eric or Lyle, probably Eric, would have fucked up and told someone. The fact that it was the therapist's patient he was fucking and cheating on and his girlfriend who ends up, she is their immediate downfall. That's crazy. Like your therapist's mistress. is your downfall. Cheaters always get there. Yeah, they always do. So with this new information, with all she told them that she knows, the police pick up Lyle while he's on the way to the Cheesecake Factory. What is with the fucking Cheesecake Factory? I am not, I Like, what is going on? I get it, I get it. Lyle, pick a new place. No. Let it go. The Cheesecake Factory is I fucking hate the Cheesecake Factory. First of all, I hate cheesecake. Second of all, I don't like cheesecake, honestly. There are 17 pages. Yes, so many options. I love a two page menu. I don't, there's not, what if you don't like anything on there? That's rude. Well, you're a fucking picky eater. You are too! No, I'm not! If you love to hear two people bicker like siblings, talk over one another, and scream, you've come to the right place. Welcome. Have tangents in severe ADHD. Welcome. No, I need, I need like two, three pages tops. That's it. Cheesecake. It's too overwhelming. It's always fucking busy. What, what are you people doing? Who is here? Do any of you have jobs? I don't. It's busy for a reason. It's popular. I can't. I hate it. So Lyle is with his friend, Glenn, and they're in Eric's Jeep because Eric's abroad playing tennis. And they come out of the, the park. driveway of the Menendez home and Jose Menendez's mother was at the house and the cops didn't want to freak her out. She had been through enough at that point, so they waited a little ways down the street. And so cop turns his lights on, Lyle goes right up to the car and stops before he rams into it and then puts that bitch in reverse and he doesn't know he's blocked in and he crashes into a cop car and that is how they arrest Lyle. That asshole was gonna escape. He was gonna OJ Simpson white bronco that shit. I mean it doesn't surprise me. No, so they call Eric They're like, hey, your brother's been detained He's in a tournament in Israel and he is advised to just fly home and turn himself in so he flies home Can you even imagine that flight home? No. What is he? What is he? Especially because it's him. He's so manic. He's probably like chewing his fingernail. I was gonna say weeping in the fetal position, weeping. He apparently went from Israel to Miami and then his aunt picked him up at the airport and was like, I will fly with you. And then they flew from Miami to LA, so he had like a companion, a companion. I mean, he was probably eating his hair. Like, you know how nervous people eat their hair. He's gouging his own eyes out. He's 100 percent eating his hair. He's bald when he gets off the plane. No, not like Lyle. We can't have two balds. No toupee in sight, dude. Oh, God. So, okay. So, they, they're both detained. I truly do not believe either of them thought they'd see a day in jail. They have gotten away with everything else their entire lives. I genuinely thought they were like, this is a fluke or we'll pay our way out of it. They are so de lulu. The de lulu is becoming trululu. Is that what the kids were saying? No, but I think you're onto something. It's trululu. The de lulu is becoming trululu. So the cops have a full confession on this tape, but they need to wait to hear from the judge if the tapes are allowed in court because of the whole patient confidentiality. But now they know the shotguns were bought in San Diego. Okay. So they also have a feeling they didn't do it under their own names. So with all of this, they're able to track down the store called the big five. And they find two shotguns purchased and signed by one Donovan Goodrow, which if you remember from last week was the kid who Lyle didn't stick up for when everyone was saying, you stole from us, you stole from us. He didn't stand up for his friend. He actually piled on. Donovan was run out of town and he leaves his ID in Lyle's room, right? So they use that ID to go buy the guns and they use a fake San Diego address. So they call up Donovan Goodreau and they're like, Hey, what it do? How you be? Where the fuck were you on August 18th? And he's like, I was at work and not only do I have witnesses, but I have a timestamp because that was back in the day when you literally. At a time clock? Yeah. And you stamp, you stamp. Clocked in. They show him a signature and he's like that it looks absolutely nothing like my actual signature and the cops Obviously connect the dots from there. Yeah, right So when they're arraigned they've been in jail for like two weeks and usually when people come into a courtroom They look worried. They look anxious. They look upset. The Menendez brothers looked so smug and so arrogant They're waving to their friends and families It all just seems like Hey, we'll be out of here by lunch. Like, anyone want to go to the Cheesecake Factory? Like, it just is so casual to them. They're acting as if this is just, like, a random afternoon, and this is all just, like, a big misunderstanding. Yeah. The judge was not impressed by them at all. She could not give a fuck less. They could barely stop laughing at her appearance, for whatever reason. Dickheads. They both plead not guilty with smirks on their face. They're giggling at the judge. She does not care how expensive their attorneys were, which they were very expensive, and they are both charged with first degree murder with the death penalty on the table. Good. In special circumstances, which I'll talk about later. They are held without bail and they sit in prison while they wait for their trial to begin for three years. That's crazy. Three years. Do those years come off your sentence? Time served. Yeah. It depends on what you negotiate and how good your lawyer is. I'm just curious. But time served, yes. Cool. So it will come to no surprise to anyone that Lyle was insufferable to everyone in prison. Everyone hated Lyle. He was always on the phone. He took too long. He just pissed everyone off. He was always on the phone with Mr. Buffalos. Let Mr. Buffalos die. What's Mr. Buffalos? The fucking restaurant he bought in Princeton. Oh my god. Across the street from the school. Oh yeah. Yeah. Or he tried to buy the one. You know what I mean? Was he just checking in on his business? Yes. Okay. Just like talking to the manager being like, how are things going? I mean, I'm in jail. Do you, do you think you have bigger fish to fry right now? Lyle? I really hope they fucked him up in prison. So Eric was an absolute wreck because Eric, oh man, the guards found out that Lyle's ankle chains were almost cut through. Like he was trying to escape as Dory would call it. And they checked both of their cells and they, one of them had a drawing of some building with like all the doors and the hallways. And they found a 17 page letter between the brothers talking about how they wanted to travel in South America and the Middle East. Um, this isn't Shawshank Redemption. I don't know where you think you will be escaping to, but in Lyle's letter to Eric. That's kind of cute. They write themselves letters. In Lyle's letter, he tells Eric that he would never testify against him. That's not true. He definitely would. He absolutely would. I actually think it's the opposite of that. That's giving more Eric. Okay, I might have said that wrong. I think Eric actually says that to Lyle. I think Eric says, I would never testify against you. Okay. Which makes so much sense. That's very on brand. Lyle also gives Eric advice. That Lyle believes Jose would have given him and he says, quote, I am not an ordinary person. I do not see things in terms of manslaughter in life terms. I see only win, loss, honor and dishonor. Dad is watching and I will not disappoint him a second time or mom by giving up and having their deaths be in vain. End quote. You killed them. What the fuck do you mean? This person is not well. This is, this is sociopathic. I am not an ordinary person. I do not, like, I only see win, loss, honor, and dishonor. Is slaughtering your parents while they fall asleep on the couch not the most dishonorable thing you can do? Apparently not. So whatever. Let's get to the trial. The trial is going to be a little different. There are two trials done simultaneously because the witness list and the evidence list are almost identical to save time and money. The judge said, great, let's do it at the same time. But Eric gets his own jury and Lyle gets his own jury. Oh. But if we're showing something of Lyle's, Eric's juries can leave, and vice versa. Okay. Chaos. This is a dumb idea. But, also, I do get it, though. That sounds almost more time consuming at that point. Just have one jury. Yeah. Just do one jury for both. They are the same. They did the same thing. Right. This was also right around the time Court TV took off. Which is the first of its kind. It's a cable TV show that you can find on every house television that you own. Where they play courtroom scenes all day long. Like the 24 hour news cycle, but courtroom. And they're allowed to have reporters in there in one single camera. Okay. As both the defense and the prosecution prepare. The entire trial, and this is super important, is not if they did it. They obviously know that the brothers killed their parents. It's on tape, they confessed to it, they absolutely murdered their parents. That is not what's happening here. The entire trial hinges on why. Why did they kill their parents? Okay? This is like the basis of the entire thing. The motive. What is the motive? So Eric and Lyle's team are keeping their cards very close to their chest. They're not sharing their strategy and the prosecution is obviously going with they're spoiled fucking rotten brats and they killed their parents for money. Like pretty straightforward. That's been the narrative since they've been arrested. That makes the most sense. It's pretty obvious. Well, Days before the trial starts the defense comes forward with their strategy and it blows this whole fucking case wide wide open and They say that their strategy will prove to everyone the jury that these boys Because that's what they're referred to the entire trial These boys are victims and they have been sexually abused by Jose and Kitty since they were kids And verbally abused and physically abused their whole lives And they are the victims. And the only people to blame in this scenario are Jose and Kitty. Justice for Kitty. So, okay. Well, actually, I'll give you my thoughts later. This is what they say now happened. This is the new story. Okay. So you know how Lyle was wearing a toupee? Yes. Yes, I'm aware. This is unfortunately a huge part of this. It's the toupee. Lyle. Insisted that his toupees be made of 100 percent human hair and they were about 1, 500 a pop. It consumed him, it was very upsetting to him, Jose was very upset by this, and they claim that Eric, the brother who was up his asshole his entire life, never knew about the toupee. Never knew Lyle wore a toupee. And a few days before they were murdered, Kitty went off on a fit of rage. They don't say why, they just said she flipped out and she ripped the toupee off of Lyle's head in front of Eric. I'm sorry. No, I'm dead serious. This is their story. And Eric, who is seeing his brother, vulnerable and bald for the first time, decided it was time for him to open up too. And that is when he tells Lyle that he has been molested by his father since he was 12 up until the murders. So he's 18. So from 12 to 18. It's giving Lyle told Eric to say this. Lyle thought the abuse stopped with him because Lyle was also abused and he is outraged and he confronts his father and he says you will never touch my brother again and his dad says he's my son and I'll do what I want. Lyle wouldn't defend his brother like that. And then. The dad threatened to kill them both if they told anyone and disinherit them. And so. The night of the murders, this whole argument's happening. Jose walks out of the room and shuts the door, a door he never shut. And Lyle looked at Eric and said, It's happening, they're gonna kill us, we have to go get the guns. Because they bought those to protect themselves, Colleen. And that's when they went out to the car, grabbed the guns, came back in, and started shooting. But they totally, like, Definitely didn't boast and say they planned the perfect murder, though. Also, So this was all self defense. What they don't realize is that a girl down the street, if you remember, saw them drive up to the house. One go towards the house and one go to the trunk, pop it open and take the guns out. Correct. This is a brand new story. And let me just say this, I want to be very clear about something. It goes against every fiber of my being to not believe someone who says that they're being any sort of abused. The problem in this particular scenario is that no one knows about it. All the years they've been seeing Ozeel, all of the times, every, every person they've talked to. If you're going to tell that therapist that you killed your parents, you were going to tell that therapist that you're being diddled by your parents. No one, no one had heard this narrative until days before the trial started. So no. So, in California, if you can prove you're in danger, like immediate danger, it's called the imperfect self defense. And it's like, I was defending myself, I had no other choice kind of thing. And so, like I said, they claimed their parents left in the room and they felt like they were in danger and that's when they went to go grab the guns. So they think that they're going to get manslaughter, but they get murder one. Okay. But this is the defense that they're going with. So. The family hires the most expensive lawyers, of course they do. Lyle's lawyer specifically is this, and I will give her credit where credit is due. She's a fucking badass. Her name is Leslie Abrahamson. She is known for dealing with very high profile cases. She's 100 percent against the death penalty. She's perfect for this case. Like she's, she's a bull, like she does not take any shit. If you're going to hire a defense attorney, you want this woman. My, my random thought I just had, like if I was her, right, how do you not think that they did it? And you have to defend them. So that's, I know. So that's, what's really tricky about being a lawyer, a defense lawyer, I'm not taking that case. Like, I don't get how this works. I guess so. But she's getting paid. I think it was like 800, 000 a year. And she's still getting paid whether or not they if they get the guilty or not. So it doesn't matter. Right. Okay. But I mean, everyone deserves a right to a fair trial. That's how our justice system works. That's fair. Okay, that's all. Just want to talk that out loud, gang. Yeah, 100%. It's, I'm sure, a moral gray area that people struggle with all the time. So her strategy was to paint these two 25 and 22 year olds now as battered, abused young boys. However, the Menendez brothers have now been sitting in prison for three years, and those cocky boys in the arrangement? Gone.. Now we've got grown men who look fucking haggard. Because prison. Wait, can he get his toupee in prison? He does have it on in trial. Okay. But Eric's looking gone. Can him? Eric's not. Yeah. At trial? iPad? Yeah, you can look him up on your iPad. Fucking Aunt Martha over there. 76 year old Aunt Martha needs to pull up her iPad. Get a good look at the boys. With the one finger. Yeah, for real. To pull off that These are battered young boys. The facade. Leslie had them dress younger. They wore sweaters every day They did not wear suits in the first trial. She only referred to referred to them as the boys Children. She never said men. She didn't say brothers. She said boys. She was like, oh, what the boys, these children. She used very specific verbiage, which was smart. She was weirdly maternal with them. She would pick lint off of their collars. And if they were upset, she would rub their backs. And she referred to them a few times as adorable. I'm sick. This is a smart move because she wants, she's going, she wants to paint a picture. She wants to paint a picture and it works. America felt bad for them. She wanted them. She wanted everyone watching at home to feel sorry for them like they needed protecting and it fucking worked. She also somehow, I don't know how the fuck she did this. She got sociopath, the word banned from the trials. And, which was a huge win for her, she got Billionaire's Boys Club banned from the trial. So they had to say something super vague, it was like, Did you see a TV show recently that was on air? Like they had to be really vague and kinda like, Yeah, beat around the bush, but they were not allowed to say it. She also tried, and God bless her, I guess, shoot your shot, to try to get the word murder banned from the trial. Please. And that obviously didn't go over well. It was a fucking murder trial. it had its grip on the nation. Dare I say the world. I think I dare. You think? Every single true crime TV show you have ever watched is because of this trial, and let me tell you why. Because Court TV started around this time, this trial was a hit to them. So this trial walked so OJ's trial could run, and then some, and then some, and then some. Got it. There was not a single person alive who wasn't watching this, like the news, every single day. Recaps, reruns, it was actually on the news, it was water cooler talk at work, radio shows were commenting on it during your commute, newspapers, magazines, SNL does a skit on them making fun of them. It is fucking everywhere. And I hate to say it, but it had women in this country, some of them, watching it. creaming their pants. And I hate it. They're so gross. I do not fucking get it. I don't get it. Don't look at me like that, Colleen. You're not allowed to think either of them are hot. One of them is. I'm sorry. He is. It's Eric. You think Eric is hot? The one who eats his hair and pulls out his fingernails when he's nervous. He doesn't do that, by the way. We're speculating. But people were in three camps. Group one, they did not get molested. They did it for money. Period. Group two, they did get molested, but it does not give you the right to kill your parents. Group 3, they killed them and it was the right thing to do because they were horrific abusers, both of them. Okay. For the record, it sounds like they painted, I did read a lot of the court transcripts because I'm crazy. They say a lot of more horrific things about Jose. Okay. Of course they do. They make Kitty sound like a drunk, mentally unstable, they try to paint her as someone who left like But of course, because they're not around to defend themselves. So it's also really easy to blame the dead. Yeah, 100%. Yeah, they made it sound like she left animal droppings all over the house. Like she, I mean, there's a ton of, I'm not going to go into it. I simply don't have the strength. If you want to look up what they say about their parents. You could say the most ridiculous shit. There's no one around to say otherwise. So if you watch the testimony though, right, if you watch Lyle, I hate to say it, he makes you question everything. I'm just kidding. He really he weeps on the stand like he he talks in very Specific detail about what his father and mother did to him and it's really hard He was on the stand for nine days. Like this is not but I don't it's so hard Right, so it's like so let me explain so both brothers get very emotional. They do have a few cousins who testify for them saying they knew about the abuse. Like one cousin says, well, I was over there when the kids were little and I said something to Kitty and she was like, you're lying and that's not true. And then they have another boy cousin who testifies for them and says, oh yeah, Lyle told me about it and said, is your dad doing this to you? So like there are family members who testify, Eric was not great at testifying. He couldn't remember a lot of details. He got very agitated. He got very thrown off. Is he on the spectrum? I think he just is a weak man. Okay. I just don't think. Yeah. I mean, maybe. Maybe. There are also, and I don't think it's worth bringing up, but it does come up when you look it up, a lot of stuff comes up about Eric being gay, and how there was like, a certain situation in jail that he was found in, and so, but I don't give a shit if he's gay. He fucking slaughtered his parents. I don't care which way he swings, but this is the early goddamn 90s where everyone gives a shit. So, whatever. So they catch him in a few lies, Eric, and early on he says, you know, they watch the Billionaire's Boys Club, or they tiptoe around saying that exact phrase, but he admits to it. Later, testifying, he's like, I didn't watch that. And they're like, well, you already testified. You did? Sir? Question mark? He's responded to a lot of things of like, I don't know. I don't remember. Do I think there was abuse in their household? Absolutely. I do not know a single 14 year old boy who is wetting their bed, playing with stuffed animals, and balding. That is like the biggest fucking red flag there is. However, they've lied so much at this point. And they have fucked so many people over, they have done nothing but look out for themselves their entire lives. So if they're telling the truth, people obviously don't believe them. Correct. And no one has ever heard of this. And then cousins just magically pop up and now are testifying. And so some people are like, this is proof. And there's a lot of shame around it being men, like women feel more comfortable coming forward. Men don't, you know, there's more shame when it comes to men. And that's why they never said anything. And then other people are like, or they're like, Hey, when we get our parents estate, you get money. And the cousins are being paid off. Like, there's just no way to say what's happening. I also read, though, that Lyle's ex cellmate watched him read every single book about child abuse before he could, before his trial, before he testified. He also apparently told people, I know I'm a better witness than Eric, and I know exactly which jurors cried during my explanation of all the abuse I got, and I know which ones I can manipulate now. Sociopathic behavior. I can't. Also, So, but like, would an ex con, an ex cellmate, tell, is that true? You don't know. No one is legible. No one's credible. That's what I mean. There are no heroes in this story. Not one. I hate to say it, not even fucking Kitty. Because there's a lot of neglect where she's concerned. There's a lot of, and you could blame that on her, you know, the time and her upbringing and there's a lot of shit going on here. The defense then plays a confession tape for the jurors. On the tape, Lyle can be heard discussing the reasons why they killed their parents. Lyle had bragged on the tape and said Eric had, quote, shown great courage by killing their mother. he gets asked if he misses them by Oziel. And he says something to the effect of, I miss having these people around. I miss not having my dog around, if I can make such a gross analogy. There was a chilling, monotone quality to his voice, and it was empty and hollow, and on the tape, there is no reference to sexual abuse. Jose had to be killed because he was controlling the brother's lives and was a bad husband. And Eric doesn't say much, and he can be heard crying in the background. And that's a true testament because he doesn't think anyone's listening. But then they have, okay, so other things come up later, so pause on that. So the trial goes on and on, the brothers explaining in great, great detail, very specific detail about how they were victims and abused their whole lives, and the prosecution is pushing selfish, greedy pricks, period. Their friends, their quote unquote friends, all turned against them. All of them. Donovan Goudreau testifies for the prosecution. The kid with the ID. Uh, Perry. They were supposed to meet Perry at the Cheesecake Factory the night of the murders. Testifies against them. Craig, the tennis buddy. Eric's friend. Tells him everything that Eric admitted. Glenn! Lyle was sitting in the car next to Glenn the day he got arrested. Glenn is the one who told police that Lyle was trying to manipulate Eric into giving him his half the money. And he gave them the tip about the computers being wiped to find any other versions of the will. So all of these quote unquote friends, they have not one character witness. They don't have a single person in their entire lives who was like, No, I loved working with him. Or, he was a great Person. Tennis. Fucking. No one. No one. They have their cousins. And that's it. Who are only confirming being diddled and also probably most likely doing it for money. Would you lie on the stand for me? We're on a public podcast, so no. Okay. I'd lie on the stand for you. Okay. Well, let's not admit. Remember, we're on a public podcast. We will never be on the stand. So it's okay. We will never be on the stand. So yeah. That's a really great point. I have no plans for that in the future. Quick sidebar. Louise. Remember Jose had an affair for eight years? A little woman named Louise? Yep. She had been watching Trial. The whole thing. Following it along. Do you think she was sad? She calls the defense. And she's like, Jose was nothing like the person they were describing. Louise, respectfully, fuck right off. You were the side hoe, shut the fuck up. Fuck right off. Also, you don't know the brothers. You don't, you don't know anything about shit. You don't know the boys. You don't know the children? But also like, you think the Jose you got is the real Jose, the one you were sleeping with at work? Yeah. Get a grip. She also said nice things about Kitty, but like, shut the fuck up. So closing arguments happen, the court finally rests, they allow the jury to go deliberate and make their decisions. It goes on for weeks, weeks, and they come back and both juries are deadlocked. The jury could not decide if they were victims of abuse or horrific murderers. The judge has no choice but to declare a mistrial for both of them. Now, this does not mean that they walk out of the courtroom free. This means they need a whole new ass trial. from scratch. I'm exhausted. I won't go into as much detail about the second trial, but the second trial happens. It's going to be much different and it takes place a year and a half later. So now both teams know what the strategy is. So they have time to prepare. It's not like three days before, Hey everybody, they were victims of abuse. It's like we all, all the cards are laid out. Let's run it back. Yeah. Run the tapes back. The judge said they'll be tried together with one singular jury. No cameras will were. allowed because that's how much of a fucking circus it was. The judge also Barred the argument of self defense and this is huge the brothers were the initiators of the final confrontation Self defense is not they were fucking falling asleep on the couch You cannot claim self defense when that is not what happened. So with that out the window, that's that's tough That's tough to bounce back from if you're the Menendez brothers Yeah, the judge also limited the conversation around the alleged sexual abuse So, if you're looking at it from the brothers point of view, they're really set up to fail in the second trial, if we're being honest with ourselves. They also did not allow Lyle to get on the stand. Another huge win. Because he's a master manipulator. So, apparently, and this was never entered into evidence, so I I don't have a direct quote. But, apparently, there's a jail phone call recorded where Lyle says he fooled half the country in the first trial, he just has to fool the other half in the second. Can he just keep his mouth shut? No. He can't help but brag. He's a narcissist and a sociopath. He cannot help himself. He has to brag about how good he did. And so because they know he'll get on the stand and they'll play that and it will ruin all of his credibility, they don't put him on the stand. And in an interview, Lyle was like, I was just over it by the second trial. You know, I just couldn't do it. Oh, okay. New trial kicks off without the self defense argument. They don't have much to stand on. And on March 20th, 1996, after only four days of deliberating, Lyle and Eric were convicted on two counts of first degree murder in conspiracy to commit murder with special circumstances. The special circumstances referred to What they called at the time lying in wait, which means it, you know, like it was all premeditated, right? So they received life without the possibility of parole. No death penalty. They didn't have any violent prior So the jury said no to the death penalty. That's the reasoning. Yeah, they were just like yeah for whatever reason And you would think that's where the story ends, but it doesn't. Let's fast forward to 2023. Just yesterday. So they have been in prison for over 30 years. For as, as long as I have been on this earth, they have been in prison. That's crazy. Think about the fact that our parents were just like watching this happen in real time. For real. It's kind of crazy. One of their cousins who testified. That he had been told about the sexual abuse. He passes away from a drug overdose and as they're going through his things They find a letter from Eric and it's not dated but based off of the things that Eric talks about in the different, you know, because you say like Oh, he says something about like the Christmas party and he's talking about his parents So it's obviously before they died and they realize it's the December of 1988. So it's about Nine months before the murders. Here is a short snippet. I've been trying to avoid Dad. It's still happening. Andy, but it's worse for me now. Every night I stay up thinking he might come in. I'm afraid. He's crazy. He warned me a hundred times about telling anyone, especially Lyle. End quote. So, obviously, the Menendez team is saying that this is clear evidence that the molestation allegations are real. A man came forward. He was part of a band called Menendo. And he was That ban was signed by RCA Records where Jose had been an executive and he recently came out in a documentary on Peacock where he talks about, a lot of detail, three different occasions where Jose sexually assaulted him, roofied him, and sexually assaulted him. They are saying that between this letter and the banned member coming forward, they deserve to be retried. That this is very clearly a lie. Evidence. Like damning evidence. Right. So, there is a very real possibility that a judge could look at all of this, at this new evidence, and either retry them, or say, time served. Because if it was manslaughter, they would have been let out years ago. Right. So, yeah. I mean, it's, it's just fucking crazy. Like there could be an update on this in the next year. of whether they stay in prison or they don't. One of them, I think it's Eric, says in an interview, we walked into that trial expecting to get manslaughter, and we got the same sentence as a serial killer. I don't feel bad for you. I'm sorry, I just don't feel bad for you. The punishment fits the crime. They also say something like, we've seen so many prisoners get acquitted or get retried and walk free. And it's really frustrating to like, see your cellmates leave. Isn't that so frustrating, Colleen? They didn't kill their parents in cold blood. So Lyle and Eric, little where are they now, they had been separated for many, many, many years. They, their lawyers tried to fight for them to get put in the same prison and someone was like, they will harm other people. They need to be separated. And it wasn't until 2018 that they were relocated to the same one. It apparently was a very emotional reunion. I hear they're cell neighbors now. Uh, Lyle is now bald. He gave up the toupee. He leaned into the baldness. He has been married twice. Not once, but twice. The first one ended because he was cheating on her. In jail? Yep. He was writing to other women and she found out. Oh, okay. Married the second one. Eric has been married once. They're also getting another TV treatment. So you know Ryan Murphy, who's known for doing the Clinton impeachment with Monica Lewinsky, OJ Simpson, Dahmer, Versace, the murder of Versace. He's doing the Menendez brothers and it comes out later this year. Oh, I didn't know that. And it, I, I'm going to watch it because I have to see. Obviously. I have to see how they frame all of this. But now we wait for the courts. It is one of the biggest cases from the 90s. Like this and O. J. Simpson were it. And now we're going to have an update on it soon. So I want to hear your thoughts and then I'm going to tell you mine. Um, I was totally on the bandwagon of that they're just who they are and they killed their parents for money. And then obviously when you put in the evidence regarding the diddling aspect, obviously that doesn't really Hate that word. I mean It is what it is. Yeah, it is what it is. But, like it doesn't necessarily Like, you still did what you did, whether you were diddled or not. Yeah, so, okay. There's other ways to go about it. You're getting diddled, don't be doing that. So, they are compared a lot to Gypsy Rose Blanchard. Because, very similarly, right? She wasn't the one who killed her mother, but helped kill her mother, went to prison, and there's a very There's a lot of public support for her like people were excited that she was getting let out, right? Yeah, and so looking great as a blonde by the way, and so a lot of people are saying what's the difference? Let me tell you what the fucking difference is. Miss Crowe was in captivity. Basically. What the fuck do you mean? This is not fair to say okay, but I'm gonna say it. She had years of evidence She had years of evidence now. Is that is that fair? Does that make their Abuse any less than? Of course not. What she had to gain was freedom the gypsy rose helped kill her mother so she could live This was it like she wanted to go outside. She wanted to drink soda She wanted to not feel like she had cancer when she knew she didn't have it. She wanted to grow her hair Much like Lyle. She, do you know what I mean? Like, she murdered her mother and there was all this evidence of it. And so there's a very different level of support for her than two fucking Tweedledee and Tweedledum who go on a shopping spree And brag. And, skip ahead for a second if you get squeamish, they blew their mother's face off. Like, they held a gun to her face. And I didn't even tell you the worst parts. If you want to look into that, you can. You can. The crime scene is the most horrible, these are not people, I don't know, I obviously think there was abuse in that house, obviously, where there's smoke, there's fire. And if it wasn't sexual abuse, it was clearly, Jose was a tyrant, at the very least. You don't get to slaughter your parents. You don't get to slaughter your parents! And it's not like they didn't have other ways out, like, you had money, go to another state. They have so much money, they wanted for nothing. arrogant and spoiled and they took no responsibility for their actions and they were pieces of shit. I, and I hate to say it, but when someone is likable, it's easier and they're the most unlikable two fucks. The fact that I have not one friend who stuck up for them, are you kidding me? That's enough damning evidence right there. Do you know what I mean? Like, yeah, at least Gypsy Rose, I mean, I don't want to keep comparing them because they're apples and oranges, but every time I see that, I'm like that, that's so Different. They drove to a movie theater and bought tickets. It doesn't get more premeditated than that. They drove to San Diego with a stolen ID. Like there's so much premeditation here into their whole act of like, no, we were in immediate danger. That is bullshit. So even if the, so let's just say they look at this and they're like, fine, the abuse is real. These allegations are real. Jose, Kitty, whoever it was, was, was wrong. Physically abusing them. Sexually abusing them. Okay. That still doesn't prove that they wasn't premeditated. It's also just like knock rounds to kill your parents. It's just knock rounds to kill your parents. It's just not. Now, do I think the world is a better place without Jose Menendez? Uh, yeah. Bye. Fucking good riddance, my guy. Toodaloo, brother. I don't think I've ever read a story with two people I've liked less. I liked Bonnie and Clyde more, obviously, they were easier for me to read about them than Menendez brothers. And likability, I think. Is that fair to say? I don't think that's fair to say. I don't know. But it is the truth. I wouldn't even say, like, ability. I would just say the way they went about it is just different. Like, I don't know. Just like the whole They're just icky. They're just icky. Yeah, they're gross. They don't have one personality trait that anyone can comment on and be like, That, that was it. At least they had the At least we can hang our hat on this. Do I mean? So yeah, so we're all gonna watch that Ryan Murphy TV show later this year whenever it comes out. And we'll circle back on that. And we'll circle the fuck back. I really hope that if these allegations are true that they at least get their say and they get their day in court. Do I think they should be out here walking the streets of Rodeo Drive like they used to? I don't know. I don't know. I don't. I don't think so. Yeah. I do not think. Woof. That was a lot. I never want to talk about them again unless there's a really good update. That was so good. Not in the way that it was like, good, joyous, but in the way that I'm very well informed now. Thank you. Yeah. It's a lot. It's really heavy. But it's topical. And it's current. Current events. And it literally changed the way that we watch trials on television. This was the beginning of it. This story. This. That's crazy. Wow. And what I thought was really interesting, to not keep going back to likability, because like you said, it's not, I'm using the wrong word. I don't know what the right word is. But what I will say, when innocent and guilty, I forget the exact number of their juries, because remember they had two separate juries? Yes. More of Eric's jury thought he was guilty than Lyle's, because Lyle was better on the stand. Such a manipulator, yeah. He was better on the stand. And Eric was fucking manic. And Eric just weeps. Eric does it. No, it's do there are a lot of Sympathizers for them. Like if you go on tik tok, a lot of people are being like justice for the Menendez brothers justice Eric in particular people thinks think that you know Lyle was the brains of the operation and Eric was more like I said earlier tweedledum So it's really interesting to watch all these people kind of come out of the woodwork and pull for them That's interesting. Lyle is such a fucking chode name. That just makes sense. Well, his name is Joseph. Lyle? Yeah. Oh. Oh, yeah, duh, cause he was, yeah, right. Cause that's his middle name. Either way, Lyle's still terrible. Lyle. Yeah. Of course he's a Lyle. Kyle with an L? Get a grip. Lyle seems diabolical. Like, Lyle's definitely killing people, so that makes sense. Eric seems Obviously, I don't know them. Eric seems like he's spoiled, rotten, and annoying. Has not a single backbone to his name. And it sounds like he has a dependency on his brother. That is very unhealthy. But he also shot his mother. Like, you did the same crime. Oh, In the first trial, Leslie is Lyle's lawyer. Say that five times fast. Leslie is Lyle's lawyer. Leslie is Lyle's lawyer. Leslie is Lyle's lawyer. I forget Eric's lawyer's name. Not relevant, it's fine. But they say there's no evidence that Eric did anything. They just went full blown like, He wasn't there. No, they don't do that, but they're just like, He wasn't even there. He's actually not even his brother. He was out. He was out. He was in Israel. No, but they, they just try to pull the full, like, he, there is no evidence to say that who took what shot. Yeah, it's just it's fucking crazy. That's so true. He absolutely fucking did. No, I know. I'm just thinking. Absolutely. I have to go back to just crime scene autopsy in their Initial stories in their behavior after they slaughtered their parents was so heinous and there was such a lack of remorse in the bragging and to anyone who would fucking listen and they pulled off this perfect crime, I believe that version. Add in the abuse, sure, but I still believe that version. I agree. Okay, great. Please give me a funny story or a positive story. I need something. Um, yeah. Something to whet my whistle. Whet the whistle with a giggle. Okay. Gotta get the pad. IPad. Oh my god, the first picture that pops up is, um, Lyle and, or is that Eric? I forget. Whatever that one that is. And Gypsy. Eric's on the left, Lyle's on the right. See, I just Eric, man. The toupee is toupee ing so hard. Like, wearing the toupee on top of the hair that you already had is such a move. Oh, not to say, but they were cute kids. No, they were wicked cute. Oh. Yeah, it's fucking sad. That picture made me sad, actually. Yeah, wow, could I say? Anywho, I was in a Reddit thread, per usual, because that's just who I am as a person, and I found a very small thread, just for a little giggle for us, regarding, uh, tales from the cell, just like funny stories. Oh, jail stories. Good ones, though, not scary ones. Okay, thank you. Giggle ones, if you will. Tales from the cell. Which also I was thinking about this morning. Actually this morning, driving to work. As I'm in, like you said, the great weather today. The fabulous lighting. I was plucking away. Pluck, pluck, pluck. Okay? Your chins. Everything. Chins, the mustache, I imagined what I would look like after being six months in jail. No, I have said multiple times, and I don't know if I've said it on this podcast. I know I've said it to Erin and Paula quite a bit. If I go into a coma, God forbid something happens to me, you will have my girl, Luba, my dermaplanning woman, every six weeks. Take it from my account. You will not let me become a Neanderthal in that hospital bed. I'm going to need regular waxes. Someone's going to have to shave my legs. I'm not coming out of here looking like a forest. Your natural eyebrows. No, no. Natural eyebrows. Haven't seen them in two decades and don't want to. Neck. Oh, my God. I think it's PCOS, honey. Probably. I mean, I'm just not well, but Things are not right. Hair is falling out but growing in different places. It's just, it's not a vibe. So I, just think about chin, neck, like, I'd have a whole ass mustache that I could braid. I mean, I just simply wouldn't let it happen to you. I would go in with not a rusty razor and take it off of your face. I'm not kidding you. I don't, they wouldn't let you in. Or maybe I'd be in like a cool jail. Let's not manifest jail. Okay, cool. But I'm just saying. Just know if the situation ever arose, I would find a way. Thank you so much. That's so kind of you. But think about just true, true eyebrow mustache. Got it. That's crazy, crazy, crazy. Okay, anywho. First story. When I was first put in jail, I searched the library cart for something to read. The TVs were controlled by certain clicks. And just about the only thing they ever played was ESPN, Entertainment and Sports Programming Network, is in parentheses. Like, thank you so much. Cause we needed that clarification. I do not care about sports in the slightest, clearly. Among the stacks of religious books, 30 year old and mainly discredited self help books and cheap airport paperbacks, I did manage to find something worth reading, Hamlet. Oh. I was sitting on my bunk reading it and one cellmate saw it. Cellmate. What is that? Me. Oh, it's Hamlet. I know. Pretty cheesy. But it's the only thing worth reading on the library card. Cellmate. What's Hamlet? Me. You know, Hamlet by Shakespeare. What's Shakespeare? Me? You're kidding, right? Completely blank face from Cellmate. No. What is it? Me. Again. Wow. Wow. I at least think you'd have heard of him in high school or through pop culture osmosis or something. Which, like, what? He's only the most well known writer in the English language. Cellmate. Nah. I only Nah. Nah. I usually only know about rap music and that's it. Me. Okay, hang on. I flipped over the, to the, to be or not to be soliloquy and read and acted it out for him. Cellmate. Wow. Full performance. Wonder what the fuck else is there to do in jail. I mean, I love it though. He's like, hold on one second and just like fully reenacts it. Cellmate. Wow. That's pretty cool. I really like that. For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come, part the best. Has this guy, what did you say his Me. William Shakespeare? Question mark. Cellmate. Yeah, has he written any other stuff? Oh, I love this. I know. I wasn't able to shake the feeling I was being fully pranked. Me. Yeah, he's written a few things. Cellmate. Cool. I'll have to look him up. For in that sleep of death what dreams may come apart would be a really dope rap song Fuck, yeah, it would give it to Lin Manuel Miranda someone oh That's nice. We're having a learning moment in jail Imagine how many musicals I would perform imagine someone saying what Shakespeare to you Like, come on. I mean, that's crazy. I get what's Hamlet. I guess. I'd be like, Ahem. My time has come. This is my moment. This is my moment to shine. I know why I was put here. God, thank you so much. Okay, my dad works in the prison as a chaplain, chaplain, chaplain. I didn't know what it was, but I'm assuming you guys probably do and he I'm assuming it's like he's running the shit. I don't know. And he has told me plenty of stories. Here is one in particular. He said he was walking around the max, maximum security part where he works. There's a max high, medium, low, and minimum. And he sees a whole bunch of dudes all huddled around moving and yelling and cheering. So he's thinking there's a fight. So he gets a security guard and they all walk over there in the center. Is this dude that has caught a rat and he has it on a shoestring as a leash. No. They trained it to sit and shake and everything. No, it's not a pet. It's not a pet. I fucking hate rats. They trained the rat to sit and dance and shake on command. Prison's so wild. Prison is so fucking wild. Okay. You would love that. That does not surprise me that you find that funny. If I approached him, we were like squatting up with a rat and training it? And giving it a high five and a handshake, I would perish. Pastor Daddy on 7th Heaven would have loved that. Yeah, fucking reverend. What a piece of shit he was. Yeah, he was. Okay. When I was in the joint, I was like, When I was in the joint, we saw the movie Iron Monkey on movie night. I have no idea what this is. I'm assuming you do. Iron Monkey? Yeah. I don't. Jackie Chan, I think? Oh, okay. Yeah. Like one of those vibes? Action movie. Yeah. You know what happens when you watch a kung fu movie with your friends? You try to be all Bruce Lee and Jackie Chan and you fuck with each other. Guess what? The same thing happens in prison. But you're not with your friends. You're locked in a concrete box with 300 plus convicts, none of whom are your friends. All of whom are bored as fuck and not really happy to be where they are. But I digress. Anyways, this Asian guy I knew named Tran is watching the TV from the second tier and he gets pissed off about everyone fucking around, so he just suddenly snaps. Next thing I know, he's rapid fire punching and kicking in the air, screaming at the top of his lungs. All, this is an all caps lock. What's the sound when you like, are like, yeah, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Like that. But over and over and over again. So he's doing that and he is screaming iron monkey at the top of his lungs. And he's not being shy about it. Not even a little bit. He is drawing attention. This is kind of a bad idea when you're in the environment where, and how do you say it? An anonymity, anonymity. Anon. Anonymity. Yes, anonymity is a survival strategy. Well, uh, strategy. Why can't I talk? I don't know. Let's blame the wine. We know it. We know it, Matt. And not my, not my unintelligence. Let's do that. No, it's definitely not that. Um, the C, the COs notice him and they start to converge. Oh my god. Trans dorm is at the end of the second tier, which means it's right next to the staircase to the ground floor. From the mouth of his dorm's entryway, there's a concrete walkway with a steel guardrail which travels from a long. the inside wall leading from dorm to dorm all the way down to the other side of the building. So there's three more staircases leading down as well. Right. So finally the COs arrive and Tran is still flipping his shit. Everyone's watching, fucking Tran, everyone's watching, wondering what's going to happen, happen next. It's dead silence on this side of the building. One of the COs, a guy with a real Napoleon complex, tries to reach out and grab him. That's when it happens. Tran rapid fire slaps the shit out of him. Like he's just declared pistols at 20 places, bitch. Backhand forehand, backhand, forehand, backhand, forehand, forehand. It's like something out of a Tex Avery cartoon. I don't know what that is. Oh my God. The guard screams the most high pitched shriek I've ever heard. You can't bitch slap a guard. Correct. That's not, that's not slay. Okay. Negative slay. We should come up with a thing that's like slay or not slay. To slay or not to slay? That is the question. I'm just saying. Shout out Jake Spare. Call back. It's like full circle there. Yeah, full circle. Um, so, he falls back, reaching out for his partner, and in the process he lands flat on his ass. With his partner falling on top of him, it's straight out of a Charlie Chaplin or a Buster Keaton silent film. Tran takes off running down the tier hallway, still screaming at the top of his lungs, but at this point he's fine. Fucked. The COs have them surrounded. They're keeping their distance. Why? I don't know. Maybe there was, maybe they wanted to wait for control to send the goon squad, but trans at the middle point of the tier directly in front of the door to the yard, about 20, about 60 plus feet away and locked when a bona fide miracle happens, the door opens, band, a speaker crackles yard time. Alas, victory was not to be had by tram that easily. He was between two staircases, both blocked by guards. Then it seemed that inspiration struck him. This man's a great writer. He jumped screaming iron monkey at the top of his lungs and landed on the concrete floor below. I kind of love Tran. He jumped from the top. He's crazy. And I love him. So he lands on the concrete floor below breaking his leg in two places. No, Tran. That was a bad idea. Tran, no. Victory did not smile upon him that day. Whoever wrote this, write a book, immediately. But watching that CO go down in Tran's attempt at being real life version of Mortal Kombat character was fucking hilarious and the best thing I've ever seen in mock up. Just picturing him, forward slap, but like, ha ha ha ha ha like, And being a bystander and just being like, just trying to get out to see some sunlight today. Just be like, I just, I just want to be outside. I didn't ask for this. Oh my God. Oh, so good. Okay. It's Christmas Eve at dusk. At dusk. Wow. Who is this? The same person? No, different one. Oh my gosh. I'm in with the quote unquote short timers. The prison has houses, each of which can be about 12 people. Each is surrounded by a chain link fence, about eight feet tall, top with barbed wire. Around us, some of the long sweeps, which are guys who have been in for years, if not decades, start gathering around our hut, inside the fence and around the trees in front. These guys have stuff like love and hate tattooed on their knuckles. Cool. Cool. Tats everywhere in general, weird haircuts, etc. Teardrop tattoos on their faces. Every one of them is carrying a little something in their hands. We short timers are starting to get nervous. Yeah, I'd be, I'd be nervous. The night fully falls. Oh my god, I'm like aroused by this writing. And the possums come down the tree trunks. The possums! Oh sorry, the possums, in quotation marks. Aussie sugar gliders. What? Sure. Come down the tree trunks and branches. These guys then start hand feeding them bread and honey. Awww. To put it in perspective That was in their hands? Yeah. Oh, that's actually really nice. To put it in perspective, earlier that day at lunch, I did kitchen duty, and when we were finished, we have to lock the knives inside the cold storage area. Naturally. Because every time one goes missing, they find it in someone later. So imagine my shock. Oh my god, all the food! Oh no! How did they get it? I don't know, but they're like They're just squirreling it away? So like, if you're used to seeing a knife go missing, and like, it's because it's usually gonna shank somebody, but then you see them all gathering with something in their hand, but it's to feed fucking possums. Oh, that's really nice. Yeah. Oh, rehabilitation is so important. Shut up. It is. I know. I know. Just shut up, though. Okay, fine. Fair enough. You're a good person. Last but not least, I can't say it was weird, but it was certainly one of the wilder things I've seen in 17 years with a CDCR, I don't even know what that is, but whatever. I was working as the quote unquote patio officer. So I was basically like a doorman for inmates that were called up to the program area to see either the sergeant or the lieutenant. When one morning, when I heard the yard gunner below yell, Get down! Followed by the report of a 40 millimeter launcher, Non lethal, of course, going off. I respond on to the yard to find this white inmate knelt down and rocking back and forth. I order him to get on his seat. I can't, he replies. Why the hell not, I ask as I'm approaching him. And then he opens his fingers, which allowed a loop of his small intestine to slip into view. Shut up. Without missing a beat, I tell him, Without missing a beat, I tell him, Put that back. Don't move. Medical was right behind me, and they immediately go to work on the guy. After we wrap things up with the, with the medically trained staff who had heard me talking to the guy, pulls me aside to talk about what had happened. Got to give you props for holding your mud out there. When you saw that partner, just one thing you can't tell him to put his guts back into himself. My response was why not? It was his after all. Can't tell him to put that away. Tuck it in. Keep it to yourself, you animal. Why not? It was just His small intestine? It was just peeking out. Good lord. And that's all I got. But I do have two actual real positive stories. That was good. I'll be thinking about Tran for a while. Tran's wild. And the possums. The feeding the possums. With the bread and honey. So sweet. That actually is cute. Um, I got one from, actually they might be both. They're both from CBS News. CBS News. Got it. Okay. I'm not going to tell you what it's called. Okay. An internet post that brought together strangers is reminding people of how much good there is in the world. Which is our favorite sentence. For sure. Lynn Story is a retiree in Fort Worth, Texas. The 64 year old had a lot of free time on her hands until she met April Goodwin, 46, who had been diagnosed with uterine cancer. Which, not that any cancer sounds great, that sounds fucking terrible. Yeah. Yeah. Like, holy shit. Yeah, it's all bad. quote unquote, I had no transportation and I didn't know what to do, Goodwin said. She found help on a community app next door. Someone spoke up and said, I'll take you to your appointments, and I kind of ignored it because it's a stranger. What do you do? So she messaged me again and said, I'll take you. I mean it. I'm honest. I, you know, I'm sincere. That stranger was story. And over the last year, she has taken Goodwin to more than 25 radiation appointments, six chemotherapy treatments and countless amounts of doctors. Oh my God. I want to do this. You should. I don't have a job. I can do this. Pop off. One time her car broke down and she goes and flags down somebody in the middle of traffic to get me to my chemo appointment. I will die. Story's kindness doesn't stop there. Months after meeting Goodwin, she was on the Nextdoor app again when she noticed a post from Kevin Horrigan, who is legally blind. Lynn's like a little angel, said Horrigan. She really is because I can't drive. Hard times drove Horrigan out of retirement. Now Story lessens his burdens. Lynn drives me to work. Or she picks me up from work. It helps me tremendously. It's a very big help more than she realizes. Story said she started thinking of herself as a bad weather friend. You know, fair weather friends are only there when everything's good for you, but a bad weather friend is there. And when you need in times of need. I'll kill myself. They were strangers just a year ago and just have now developed a life changing friendship. The best way for me to feel good is to help other people feel good, just to make it easier for them. For Story, it's her history that helped shape who she is today. She was arrested for shoplifting 45 years ago. Oh, oh no. I learned to stop it to be better. I went into therapy and kind of Crypto! Rehabilitation! Please get away from me. I went into therapy and kind of got a feel for why I felt the need to for the high. And that helped. And then many years later I was finally diagnosed as bipolar and that helped because I got on medication to make me even to make me even instead of the highs of the lows. So that makes a really big difference. Fuck yeah. Filled with love, Story's own story is changing for so many. She's my guardian angel, Goodwin said. Oh my god, Colleen! That's them. I love them. They're so cute. She has a cross necklace on, like, ah, holy queen. Okay. And then I have Holy queen. And I have another one from CBS News. Okay. I'm not telling you what it's called and that's all I have to say about that. Okay. Okay. Great. Millions of people Oh my god. The fucking pop ups. Yeah. The ads are obnoxious. Sorry. The ads are wilding, guys. Bear with me. Millions of people turn to dating apps to look for love. Boo! We're all in the trench. I'm so glad we're all in the trenches here. But one Minnesota couple found was more like an against all odds match. Elizabeth Christensen, a mom of two young kids who was recently divorced, matched with a man named Joshua Colbert on the Hinge dating app in April of 2023, and they immediately started talking. The first day they matched on the app, Elizabeth started asking the typical get to know questions, where he grew up, but as Joshua gave her answers, she became more and more shocked. She asked where I had grown up and I said, I grew up in Andover and went to Northside Christian school. And she's like, no kidding. I went there too in kindergarten. And then we put it together that we graduated in 1995. So we're like, Oh, maybe we're in the same kindergarten class. Elizabeth found their class photo. And sure enough, Joshua was in the photo. Stop it. But that's not where their similarities ended. Elizabeth was born on September 13th, 1988. So was Joshua. Elizabeth was born at Mercy Hospital in Coon Rapids, Minnesota. So was Joshua. The pair were born at the same place on the same day, just six hours apart. The coincidence seemed too good to be true, but outside of kindergarten, they had never crossed paths, nor did their families. They had planned on meeting in person for a date the following week, but Joshua was excited and asked Elizabeth out to lunch the next day. Elizabeth told her parents, and they dug up old home videos that they had digitized. We were actually, found our old kindergarten graduation video, so we're actually both in there. And the crazy part is, her mom zoomed in on me in the video, Joshua said, and then panned out and zoomed back on Elizabeth. So it was like, we saw, we Sorry and zoomed back on Elizabeth. So it was like we saw that and we were like no way a mother's intuition I guess Joshua added Joshua's mom died when he was He said his dad told him to take things slow and steady with Elizabeth But after meeting Elizabeth and meeting her parents, he was a totally sold and totally supportive Oh the couple believes they were brought together by Again, divinely. We believe it was God. Joshua said, in spite of the fact that we could have had all these similarities, but be complete polar opposites. And that's not the case at all. So I feel like it was just a perfect match. And yeah, I think it was divine for sure. Oh my goodness. When the couple tells their unique love story and the coincidences that brought them together, people's eyes light up, Joshua said. A lot of people out there are searching for hope. And it's like, wow, there is someone out there. Love is real. Love is fucking real, Colleen. Don't make that face. Oh my god, yeah. So that's that. Yeah, so there's a lot more and I'm just not going to read it because I can't, but that's them. Oh, wow. Yep. How fucking beautiful is that? Everything happens for a reason, brothers and sisters. So my friends Rochelle and Stefano, some of my favorite Canadians, shout out to them, they're very similar, where they're married now. And they had never met and when they did finally meet, he was a bartender and she went to the bar and she was like, Oh my god, he's so cute, but he was in a relationship at the time. Okay. And she was with somebody else and then they both broke up and they came back together and they found out they had so much in common. They went to the same college, they had never met, they knew the same people, they saw a family photo and he was like, that's my ex girlfriend. Was like one of her sister's best friends, like all of these almost like they were living parallel until they, so that's what they call it. Yeah. They call it the strings and they're like, it was just another string in just hearing the way they talk about it and all the things that led up to, they grew up 20 miles apart, like all of these crazy in every other universe. It's just so cool when you hear stories like that. Yeah. Love is real. Unless you're on hinge. Then we pray for you. And then we pray for you. We sympathize. We hear you. We stand with you. And in solidarity, were you going to say solitude? You knew that. And I, I listen, I get it. Wow. Those were really good. Colleen. I needed that. I'm so happy to hear. All right, everybody. Well, we hope you have a wonderful week. We hope you find love. I hope you don't kill your parents. Don't fucking murder your parents. It's just like, not cool. It's really negative slay. Not so slay. Don't let your Doolooloo become Drolooloo. Okay. Anyways. Oh, are you going to say it this time first? No, I was just putting in my breath waiting for you to say it. No, you go first. We'll switch it up. Oh, the panic. You should have just seen the panic that crossed her face. Love you mean it. Love you mean it. Bye. This podcast was produced by me, Bridget Shannon. Music is written and performed by Matt Derogers. You can find his band Super Stoker anywhere you listen to music.

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Bridget Shannon

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Colleen Shannon

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