The Wench Was In The Trench

On this week's episode,  WE ARE BACK!! After a long hiatus, the bitches are back and we have so much to yap about!! Catch up with us as we discuss our summers, the weddings we've been to, the cockroaches we've encountered, the rotisserie chickens we've eaten and the tv shows we've binged. We play a game of what's in and what's out and smash or pass. Did you miss us?! Because we missed you!!!! 

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The bridesmaids wanted a celebration. So we took a trip, bachelorette vacation. Bachelorette vacation. That is all that plays in my head. I was trying to sleep last night and Domingo was playing in my head the whole time. She's, what's it say? It's like my sis toe. No, no. What? I don't know. What? It's the remix. We did hook up though. Drinks are all flowing, yeah. We said she's taking it. It's just, that's, it's all space cats coming out of my brain. It is Domingo. I think what's so funny too is Ariana trying not to be on the right chords and still hitting them somehow. She definitely has to go out of her way to try to do that. Purposefully being bad. Yes, but she's still good somehow. But still sounds, and she's so funny. She crushed it. She was, I don't know how people maintain their composure and be serious. Oh, no. No, no No, I would be giggling at the storm. Oh my god. Hi. How you derp? We're back. How you derp? Where have you been? Beds empty. No note. Car gone. You could have been Died! You could have been seen! Fair. Honestly, all of that is fair. Did you guys miss us? We missed you. What does that sound like? I don't know. Us? Being alive? Maybe. Cause we missed you. Shout out to the Sippers who came up to me in public and were like, hey, what the fuck? True. Or the DMers. Yeah, the DMers. We had some DMers I probably didn't. Our superfans who were just like, Gang, you said end of August. It's October. The family members? Also, we, pulse check everyone, we are still alive. We're alive. We're here. We're somewhat well, for once. I wouldn't, I wouldn't. Okay, we'll go into it in a second. Do you even remember the intro? Cause I don't. Yeah, we say hi. Hi. I completely forget. Welcome to this week's episode of Sippin with the Shannons. We're cousins and we sit down, well we usually say each week. We say hi. But that's obviously not true, but we sit down we sip on some wine. We talk some shit. We have a good giggle I'm Bridget Shannon, and I'm Colleen Shannon. Wow, that was like muscle memory that like just came out It was giving unlocked memory for me. A distant fond foe, you know? Friend foe, everything in between. Hey, how the heck do you want me to go first? Do you wanna go first? How do you wanna do this? I just don't even know where to begin. Where gonna begin? How was your summer? Your whole ass summer? Because we didn't see each other. So for those of you who know us know this, but we've only seen each other a handful of times. Yeah, probably like twice. It was probably like forced family fun as well, right? No one time it was you and I hanging out. We just needed to catch up. One time I slept at your house. Oh, you did do that? Because I was, went to a bridal shower and was drunk. Because it was a Friday night bridal shower at a bar with no gifts. Like, come on, open bar. Duh, that's the right way to do it also. It was Brianna's, it was so much fun. And then I slept at your house, and then We hung out the other night because I hit my 1, 000 day streak of Duolingo Spanish. And to that, we said cheers with margaritas as In tacos. That's it. I've seen you three times since June. That's crazy. That's fucking crazy. So, like, we actually had things to say for once. We have so much to say to each other. Normally, we put our asses in these chairs, and I have nothing left to say to Bridget. Because we've talked a lot of it out. Yeah, already. But this time We have so much to catch up on. This is gonna be a catch up episode gang. There's no theme. There's no It's us. The theme is us. The story of the day is us So if you don't want that see you in two weeks, which by the way, oh, yeah, so we had a discush We had to have a sit down We did and she said hey remember me when did you do you think we'll ever I was I was just like I really want to keep doing it, but Without your whole pussy, we're not doing it. Like we're either going all in a hundred percent. Yeah. Or we're not doing it at all. And so the only way we could come up with a scenario where this works is biweekly. And I know that will make some people sad, but I, we love this thing too much to never do it and not do it anymore. It's too important. We have too much fun doing it. Correct. But this makes both of our lives. Have more peace. Yes. And peace is everything. Peace is in. We need peace and we want to give you our full pussies. We want a full Pussy Pop every other week with you and we want thick and juicy episodes. Yeah, which we will bring to you. Have you ever heard of a compromise? Because that's top tier. Have you? No, I'm an only child and a Leo. Of course I don't know what a compromise is. It's my way. So yes, so we are now bi weekly. But again, we love you. We missed you. We're so happy to be back. I'm, I'm so excited. I can't believe, like, we're sitting in these chairs. Oh, and Colleen did, like, a whole new background. We're sitting in a new spot in the pod room. Well, we're a little bland right now. Don't draw attention to it. We're a little bland. Sorry, but, like, it is exciting. It's a new setup. Yeah, we're sitting. There's no table. We have our legs crossed. Oh, I don't. Oh, sorry. Sorry, I'm sitting like a man. So we're not ladies. I revert that back. But my laptop is on my lap. Yeah, because she's the brains of this. The brains of the operation. But just know we're a whole new vibe. We are class. We are class. Health is wealth and we're the witches, witches, bitches in jail. Riches. You sound like Adam Sandler. Did I? Like when he does it. That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me. I fucking love Adam Sandler. That's not true. That's not true. You're right. You're right. You've said nicer things to me. Thanks. You're so welcome. Let's talk about you. Tell me everything. You want me to go first? Yeah, just tell me. Okay. So, in June, we were in a dark place. We were. Times are tough. If we could just rewind the clocks back to June of 2024, uh, yeah, I was not doing well. We were on month eight of unemployment. Every single job I had been excited about fell through. Everything was looking dire. We were. We were. My lease on my car was about to come up, and I obviously didn't think I would get approved if I did not have an income. And so I was like, oh my god, I'm gonna turn 34 and have no job, no car, single, and fighting for my life out here in these streets. Like, things had always been a little rocky, but we've now reached The wench was in the trench The wench was in the trench. It's like that part of bridesmaids where she's like, you know what, when I, I said I hit rock bottom. And then she moves home and she's like, I was wrong. It's this She's painting Wynona. She's painting, and Kristen Wig is watching Castaway and weeping. Yes. Yeah. Wilson That was me. I was Wilson. I wasn't even Kristen Wiig. I was Wilson in Castaway. Just, you know, off at sea. And so, when two of my best travel girlfriends said to me, Hey, we're going to go to Albania for the month. It's southern Albania. It's right on the coast. You can see Greece. Like, we're going to be there for the month. You have a room. It's on the beach, like, here we are. And so I said, who needs money? You'll never get those memories back! Gang, it was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I had the most fun and I will say it wasn't the type of month, like sometimes when I go on a trip I am like out every night, eating out every night. Buenos Aires was a perfect example of that. We pussy popped all the time. All the time. This was not like that. This was a month of girlhood. It was like sleeping in, going to the beach, reading. I ate so much rotisserie chicken. Peace. I had Greek salads every single day. I walked the boardwalk. I had my audio books in my ears. They have rotisserie chickens in Albania. Oh. My fa this place hated to see me coming. They were like, here is this American bitch again. Our C is purse. Yeah, rotisserie chick hates to see me coming. it was just such a wonderful month with my two girlfriends. It was a love fest, like one of my favorite days. We went to the beach all day and then they worked, which, oh well, I was still unemployed. But it was so nice to be unemployed there. It sucks when you're home and you're sitting on your couch and you're like, What the fuck am I gonna do? Everything's so expensive. But when I can get a full rotiss chick in a glass of wine and some french fries for eight US dollars. You do it. That's what you do. You do it. But then we would do like yoga and all the money would go to like helping fucking homeless dogs and shit and then we'd go home and we'd have rotisserie chickens. Oh my god, I keep saying rotisserie chicken, but that's not what I meant. That's very important. And then we'd go home and we'd have charcuterie boards for dinner. And like one night the power went out, the wi fi went out, and we played board games and card games. It was just very wholesome. Very, it was like my sisterhood of the traveling pants summer. We all had our things going on. Something was wrong with each of us in some way. And we all just backed each other. I wish we all got a pair of jeans. I'm gonna, I'm gonna tell them we need a pair of jeans. It was girlhood. It was really wholesome and sweet. They did a big early birthday surprise for me. Entire weekend of festivities for Maria's birthday, which was also why we were there. We went to Greece for the weekend. 20 ferry. 20. What are we doing here? 30 minute ferry. Why are we here? That's a great question. Two nights was a hundred bucks, a hundred bucks. In this beautiful place, and then we did a full boat day, full day of legitimately picked you up at like 8am, fed you, open bar, three swim stops, snacks, everything you could ever want with tip, 60 bucks. You had me an open bar. And I'm like, what? If, if one more person, cause sometimes when I come home, people go, you can do that here. No, I can't. No, you can't. No, I can't. You can't even go to the grocery store with that. No. For a week's worth of food. No. So I literally frolicked around and I job searched, and while I was there, I took a bunch of interviews, and on my last day in Albania, I sign a contract and I fly home. Bravo. And it was an hour before we went to dinner. Like to be able to sign the contract for a new job, go to dinner, have like our last night out, and then to come home, and then coming home, I obviously have a completely different attitude. I bought a car, like, I have a car, I got, Claire Bear turned 2, Bibbidi Bobbidi 2, she dress up as a little baby Cinderella, I nearly died. Like seeing Danny, I mean, it was just the best, and so I got to see my family, I got to celebrate my birthday, I turned 34, I'm in my big poppy era. That's crazy, you're old. You know what Colleen? Not in a bad way, I just meant like in my brain I will always see you as like, at least at the latest, eldest, 30. Oh, I am 28 at heart, forever. Yeah. I I don't There, I feel like there just was a point that everybody, collectively, just stopped aging. Stunted. Yeah. Specifically men. So you're at 29 30 for me, for sure. Okay, great, thanks. You know, men stunted growth. Yeah. Physically. 100%. Not age. And then my friends and I went to the cabin. So it was literally like, I got home, I got to see friends, family, celebration, weekend away. Started the new job. Bought a car. Like, overnight, it almost felt my whole life kind of right. I've just been Ypres loving. My way through life. It's a good way to put it. And it, it kind of worked. I will say, and if you've talked to me at all, I've mentioned this to a bunch of people, I wish everyone got a six month sabbatical. Nine months was too long for me, turns out. But six months to fuck off and not have the Sunday scaries and not have the Slack notification that makes your eyeball twitch or the boss email you after hours looking for something that stresses you out, or the nine 15 morning that just. Meeting that just gets put in your calendar and you're freaking like none of that You can just wake up and do whatever the fuck you want. No mortgage No kids in a savings account for six months. Like that's the fucking dream. Yeah, however, you know nines a little long And it's hard to enjoy the present when you're so worried about the future, but I think, I mean I've never had such a rollercoaster nine months in my life. Truly, ultimate highs, ultimate lows, pits of depression, or frolicking around the world. Yeah, I feel like it's easy to be like, Like you said, you can't enjoy it in the moment, but then after the fact, you're like, oh, I wish I, like, had that back. Oh my god, yeah. But like, when you're in pure panic, I can't imagine. We love peace. I was so excited to go to the fucking dentist, you guys. I'm the happiest person that the dentist has ever seen, I think. I would agree with that. You are really happy about the dentist. It's weird. It's weird. It's weird, and I know it's weird, and to not be able to go for nine months and then to be able to finally go, I felt like a new woman. Health insurance, so cool. Never taking that for granted ever again. That's a slay. Okay. Bye. Super sly. Having a car. We love peace. So now we're staying in the Boston area for a bit. We're saving money. We're vibing. I am already getting gitchy. I'm like, where? Where am I going? Drama. Ugh! You know, I just like to have the next thing planned and I don't right now But that will come in due time. We're we are at peace. I'm working out. I'm skinny for me Which is saying something gang. She's glowing dude You are so fucking skinny a memory popped up on my phone the other day and I gasp At the two of us. I think collectively lost a person like we are missing one person here. Oh my god We are probably like at least at least an eight year old For sure. Not our eight year olds. No, no. Our eight year olds were chonky. She's chonky. She's chonky. No, not our, but a normal eight year old. A normal, of normal weight. In normal diet. A normal size back. Yeah. You know. They don't eat mac and cheese and fucking hot dogs every goddamn day. They're missing out. Yeah, they are. Respectfully. So, whatever. But, yeah, we're home and we're at peace. What about you? Tell me everything about your life. I, gang, nothing, everything's the same, but yet different, you know? Everything is not the same, Colleen. I was on, I, I don't know. I don't fucking know. I will say, I still have no prospects, I still have no money. I actually have less money than I did when we That's fair. You were in 14 weddings. Yeah, and it was, it was worth it, obviously, but like, we need some peace. I have no money. I still owe the IRS quite a ton. It's gone down a lot though. Yeah, whatever. You know what I do have for me? What do you have? My car's running. Okay. By the way, you came up to the apartment today and I didn't hear it. Nearly break down. Yeah, I It was almost, dare I say, knock on every piece of wood in our vicinity. Silent. Oh, that really knocked. Did you hear that? Yeah. I just knocked out. You really, it sounded like your head was hollow If I've only had a brain come That was crazy. The hours. Anyway. Yeah, your car sounds fabulous. We will take it, Colleen. We will take it. Yeah. So I'm gonna, I'm gonna take that run with it. It doesn't have an inspection sticker, but that's nobody's business. That's no one's business. It expired like two years ago. Not the point. We were so close. I'm okay. You know, I'm okay. I, I feel better. I have more confidence. So I have a better mindset. I do drink a little bit more water. We'd love to hear that so like that's really great. Mm hmm. So we're just we're gonna go from there We'll say nothing else about that. We're okay. You look phenomenal. Your skin is glowing. Thank you. Your hair looks great Thank you. It does fall out a bit. The fits have been on fire. You are under selling the vibes It's more than we had three months ago, we're we're not looking for the best we are looking for just more than we had So we're at more. That's great. Yeah, we love more. It's just hard for me to be like, oh, you know, like, you know, it's just like not my thing. Yeah, it's really not your thing. I will say I have learned and I like came to this conclusion the other day that like it's okay Like I can have things that other people have I deserve things that everybody else has because I always like told myself Otherwise in a way almost like I don't know. I just feel like I've always been like When I see things happening to other people like good like things like that like relationships and things like that Like I was just like no, it's like not like attainable That's just not me. And now my mindset is like kind of changed like why wouldn't I like I deserve those things Fuck yeah you do, Colleen. That's awesome. I love that change. That's a really lovely mindset change. Yeah, thanks. Just thought I'd share that. Next up is the Catholic guilt. That's been hittin too. That's been hittin real hard. Went through a lot of weddings, went through a lot of bachelorettes. I actually can't remember, if not, and I knew you would remember, did we talk about my Mexico trip before or after? I feel like we never touched on it on the pod at all. I checked the timelines. No, I, I don't think, I don't think so. Okay. So I'm gonna tell a few tales from the road. Ohm already not from the road. I'm road was on the road, so I went to a couple gaggle of Bachelorettes and also like weddings. Yeah, you did. But I started off in Mexico and we went to Cabo. Okay. Like 17 girls. We did have a chaperone. It was absolutely insane. Do not go. In a hot tub, naked, in Mexico, ever. I, something happened to my body that I'm like not ready to talk about. Like, it was fucked up. Like, I don't know. Horrible. Were you shitting yourself? No, I like had like something, like Like a staph infection? Yeah. Something's not right with the cooch. Something was not right. But obviously like, I've just, I swim naked everywhere. So I just, that's my own fault. Loved Cabo though. Felt very safe. Just, but we also were all, like, drooling everywhere. Druggingly, you mean? Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, uh, but we had a chaperone. She was great. Loved her. She, we rented, we rented, like, a 20 person van and just put us all in it and she would drive us to the bar. Shout out to Brianna's mom. She was the bride, the bride's mother. On the way home. This is so fucked up. This is ridiculous. Two things happened. One was, we, uh, go to go home, go to the airport our chaperone, lovely Mrs. Denman, drives the first group of us to the, what we thought was the airport, and it turns out we went to the incorrect airport, and it was like the military airport situation. So we, like, pull up, and people are very confused, like, very, you know, you're not supposed to be there type of vibes. They come up, they're like, what are we? And she's like, hello, airport. We're here for whatever. Uh, they're like, no, no, no wrong way. And so we, they point us in the, what would be, we thought was the correct way. And we start heading over. There's probably like 10 of us now, maybe less than that in the van. And we are Gang, we are on a dirt path that is seemingly never ending in the desert. She's not exaggerating. There are snapchats. The ground is smoking for miles, for over an hour. We are absolutely fucking lost in nothing but dirt. But when you look at the map, it shows we're in a body of water. So I think it was a dried up lake, which explains why there was nothing there. So a normal person would probably react to this and be maybe a little stressed out. Colleen nearly wet herself laughing. There, we laughed for the first 58 minutes, and then like, after that, like, to that hour, panic. We thought we finally found the end, and we, I actually have a video of one of my friends, I'm, on myself, and we think we're like, at the end of the road, we can kind of see the highway, and then we get there, and it's a dead end, and I have her reaction to her realizing that the road is not real, and it's just, The panic. No, the panic. Because we were like, no, we're not, we're going to miss our flight. The people that we left behind are going to miss our flight. We have passports. We have, like, we all were supposed to get on the same flight. It's just, gang, I'll try to show you guys a video. It is And we finally did end up getting to the airport. We did get on a flight. We did make it. Barely, by the skin of our teeth. The other people, like, found their own way to the airport. Whatever. Took us, like, two hours for what should have taken us, like, 20 minutes. And How did this happen? And we got there and tried to explain what had happened to us. And they just were like, They don't care. No one will ever understand what we went through. How did that happen though? We don't know. We simply, we simply don't know. But it was wild. And it was just, we were so hungover. Like, it was like a, it was a dream. It was crazy. We were lost for like an hour and a half in the middle of the desert. With not a soul in sight and there was just like random tires on the side of the road Like that was the most stray dogs. It was crazy. I've never experienced anything like it in my whole life Jesus christ, so that's that and then the second thing that happened in mexico was we made friends with a waiter Cause he was just like so cute, so fun, so flirty. And his name was Oliver. And Oliver, Oliver loved the gals, okay? And so we went to, we like went back to him the next day. Is he straight or gay? He's straight. Sweet baby angel, loved him, adore him, all the things. Uh, we go back to him the next day. He's like not creepy either. Like he's, like he is. Okay, that's good. So that's why we liked him, you know? Even like the moms loved him. Like, it was great. We get home and he is following everybody on Instagram. Totally normal, fine, sure. Just fully sends out a video of him wanking his wang. Yep. It was the wang that stunned It had the people quaking. Why? And at least once a week. How did you not see that coming? Respectfully. Because he was so cute and so nice. So innocent. It's just like, but also what am I supposed to do with that? Do you expect me to see that and say like, oh, getting on a flight back to Cabo. It's so funny how men send dick pics as if That would be the reaction. Like, like, stop the presses. I have to get that thing inside of me immediately. That's so stunning. Break me in half. That's the most beautiful dick I've ever seen in my life. I know. Anyone who has a man friend who needs them to hear this, we share it with our friends and we laugh at your penis and we make jokes about it from there on out. Correct. It does not have the desired effect that, unless someone asks for it, right, unless they say, can you send me x, y, and z and it's consenting, whatever, an unsolicited dick pic gets shared in the group chat and collectively laughed at. I cannot tell you how many times I've seen this happen. Correct. I've done it for every time I've received. Every single time. Oh my god, look at this. What a fucking douchebag. And they never get laid. I have responded, like, and said, and I've not, I mean, it's not like I get them all the time, but when I do, I'm like, what did you, I literally will say, what What, what do you think was going to happen, bro? Also, like, I, Why would you want to, I just can't imagine taking a picture of my vagina and sending it, like what is, that's, ew. Men are gross. That's just, men are gross. That's disgusting to me. It's just, it's a pass. It's a pass for me. Hard fucking pass. So that was Mexico. Had a great time. Loved it. Would recommend it. Just don't go see Oliver. Unless you want a wang. It's the wang that shocked the world. We talk about it like once a week. Like miss you Oliver. I also went to Montauk. Never been there before. The Hamptons. It's a level of wealth I'll never understand. slash never will get or care about, but I loved it. I had a good time. We stayed in Sag Harbor, which is like really cute, like downtown area. So very, again, not something I can afford ever again, but loved it. Liked it. Loved it. Cool. Is it like Cape Cod? Yeah. It's very much like the Cape. Is it giving Nantucket? Montauk is very much Cape Cod. Sag Harbor was just like, I would compare it to, I compare Sag Harbor to Gloucester. Oh, okay, cool. And I would compare Montauk to. Montauk at the Cape, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Makes sense. I went to that bar that everyone goes to that's like all the influencers and social media, that was Paintball, in Montauk. What the fuck is it called? Oh my god, it's gonna really bother me. You guys know what I'm talking about. Like, I know you do. They had Golanus was performing there, like, on a casual, like, middle of the afternoon when the sun was up. It was crazy. And it was, like, 400 to get in, but, like, you could see them. Jesus Christ. So it just made no sense, but the influencers are there all the fucking summer, and it was so overrated. Uh, Kourtney Kardashian's friend was sitting at the table next to us. Like, it was a place that I did not belong. Yeah, that's fair. You know what I mean? Not for us. And it was just, like, overrated. Like, I'm, like, cool. I can say that I did that, but, like, also, it wasn't, nothing was that cool. Catch me on a dive bar floor. For real. I also went to Charleston. Yep. Didn't, I, I like, I like Charleston. I don't understand why we What's good with Boston Bars? Why do we close at 12? Why is nothing fun? Just like the vibes are different. A lot of cockroaches. We had cockroaches in our Airbnb. This is my nightmare. So we got there and we're like, oh, there's some kind of like droppings like mouse droppings on like the bunk beds, which is fine. Like I don't really give a shit. Just like come clean them. Gross. So they come and they clean them and then we go out for the day and we come back and there's more. So it's like, They're coming from somewhere. And so we had cleaners come and they were speaking in Portuguese. And so we were like trying to like figure out what, cause they were like, no, no, not mice, not mice. And we were like, what do you mean? So we're like, Hey, got the Google translate. And we, we translated it to cockroaches. So we. So fucking rough. I know. That's where I draw the line. That is where I draw the line. that point we were just giggling. Like, of course this would happen to us. Like, of course. I saw a picture of you like all piled onto one bed, no one would like touch the ground, which I completely understand. Catch me in a hotel in five seconds flat. If they want to crawl on me while I'm sleeping, not my business. I don't really care, but I don't want to see them, I don't want to feel them, I don't want to wake up, I don't want any of that. They can do whatever they want while my eyes are closed, I don't give a shit. Hibachi. Hibachi. What is Saki and why do we, why are people enjoying it? I am obsessed with hibachi. I want to go every single weekend. I want to go every Friday night to a hibachi. Why am I being attacked by Saki? You, do you know what you could do, Colleen? You could say no. They don't really listen. No, thank you. They don't really listen. Yeah, but if you put your hand over your face, they physically can't. Swear on Spencer's life that it was not, it was not, we were not communicating well. It was not consensual. It was, it was in the eyeballs, the ears, it was everywhere. We were covered in Saki. And it was rain, it was just like, but I love it. It was raining sake. But I love hibachi though. Like I do. Love hibachi. I love the veggies. Love the rice. Love the vibes. The rice is so good. Love the fun. The vibes are great. Sake needs to stop. Sake, sake's gotta go. It sounds like the person shooting at everyone needs to stop. I'm just saying, fuck him. But. Can I tell you, we had a cockroach situation in Albania. And it was 3am in the morning and I was talking to Sadra and her mouth just dropped and she just pointed over my shoulder. The biggest cockroach I've ever seen in my life. And we trapped it. Get a comparison size. The size of my hands. Guys. And so we trapped it in a glass. And after one hour, she got a towel under the glass and we put it on the windowsill. We didn't kill it? And, no, because it was literally too big. It would have taken a baseball bat. And it would have been everywhere. And we would have had to clean it. And the goal was, I was gonna Pull the glass out and then shut the window really fast and I shoved the glass out a three story Thing and it shattered everywhere We ran down to pick up the glass and guess who was sitting on the side of the wall like nothing ever happened was that? Fucking cockroach. We named him Donald Did Donald die? Donald was never better. Donald came back stronger than ever, but we had no more issues, but, oh, nightmares. Donald had too many chances. Donald, yeah, I, listen, I was pro killing him. Sajra wants to save every single animal she's ever seen. Okay, sorry, Sajra, I love you. Sajra was like, one, it will take too much. Like, it will, it was literally too big. It was disgusting. Cockroaches is where I draw, cockroaches and mice. Everything, every other bug I can handle, cockroaches and mice. Anyway, please continue. No, that really makes me weak. I don't Sick. It was sick, Colleen. I don't like that at all. Yeah, me either. Well, we like Nightmares. We like made jokes out of it. So we're like in the bar being like, Roach is up! Like Of course you did. I actually was just at said bachelorettes. Brides. wedding last weekend or the weekend before and I crossed literally across the bar I saw one of the girls and we both were like roaches up and you can't guys can't see me but I'm doing fake antennas that's why I love bachelorettes too is because the people you don't know you get so close to so by the time you get to the wedding you're like oh we're besties we're bonded we are trauma bonded financially bonded trauma bonded one with the cock oh god just kidding no I'm not I wish I was anyways oh the heat was a different thing like the heat was like inhumane Yeah, especially because the men were cute though. Charleston's humid and you're not a humid girly. No, the hair was not haring, that is for sure. But like the men, the men were slaying. But I just looked at them, I didn't talk to them. You know what I mean? Classic. Typical me. That was really it for my bachelorette vibes. I did have this one incident that I thought to note was this time where I tried to ruin a man's life. Which I texted you about and you guys were like, go to bed. I'm sorry. You were pretty rageful. I was true, but I was in Albania and I was getting your texts and I was like, wait, it's way too early in the morning. And it was very clearly like a drunken rage. And nothing good happens when you're in a drunken rage. I don't know. I feel like I'm my best. No, I would argue differently. We met a meanie weenie at a bar that loved my friend and I did not like him. I didn't like his vibes. I just knew it. And he showed his true colors and he said rude things. And then he told me I was fat and needed to lose weight. And it didn't end well, and he was a rude person, and so I woke up the next day He said, so this is a thing that I fucking hate when men do. Why are there only insults, fat, ugly, and bitch? Cause they have nothing else to avoid. Find literally something else. Also, those are, those three things don't hurt me. Yeah, it's like not something I haven't told myself every day. That's what I mean It's like you you don't think we've heard that before you think that is news to me. So yeah, it's just really shitty So, uh, like find a new find a new find new insults get creative I can't remember what it was. I'm not gonna do it justice, but it's like if you can't find anything else to like talk about or like bring up you just like go for like the jugular the things you can see the physical you know it's like so rude you're so rude yeah it's just it's unnecessary he was upset and you can correct me if i'm wrong here he was upset because you guys were leaving the bar and your friend for the record was also not interested correct and you were getting in the car and you were basically like dude fuck off we're trying to leave and that's when he started getting nasty yes he was giving a little bit of energy it did not end well. He was trying to get the last word, but you know what? I had the last laugh. Because what did you do, Colleen? I did a multitude of things. We did have his cell phone number, which like, I was like, so what can we do with the cell phone number? I put up a fake Craigslist ad with his cell phone number for a free motorcycle, so he's getting lots of calls for that. It made, I made it very believable as well. I put him on, uh, anonymous STD text messages. I added him to health insurance and car insurance quotes with his phone number, so they'll be calling. They will be, they'll be fucking calling. Uh, Church of Scientology, they'll be reaching out with some interest. Not the Scientology! Well, Jehovah, oh, Jehovah's too. Jehovah's, Jehovah's will come knocking. Literally. Literally. Yep. What else did I do? Just about anything you can possibly think of with a phone number. Any annoying thing you can do with a phone number, you sign him up for. Didn't you do a Planned Parenthood thing too? Yes, I did do that. I did do that as well. Good, I like that one. STD testing, Planned Parenthood, Planned Parenthood, Planned Parenthood, and I don't know, I can't remember anything else, but just know it felt great. Listen. If you need some inspo, do it. It's like harmless but not harmless, you know? Right. It's one of those things where we don't wish ill will, right? We don't wish people die or get cancer. Like, that's too far, Colleen. Sorry. It's too far. Okay. However, we can wish constant inconveniences on people. And I hope one day he has a big meeting coming up and he hits traffic and he shits himself in his car. Okay. Like, he's not gonna die from that, right? But it's just embarrassing and it's gonna ruin at least a day. And That's that. When I think of like, your like, ugh, your, if you actually hated somebody, you specifically, and like, you wanted to see the worst in them, you'd be like, I hope you stub your toe every day. Like, that's, I literally said that last week to someone. Did you? Ugh, God. Oh, mine's like, completely different. I was, I was explaining to someone the same thing. I was at a wedding, we were talking about, Someone just had a really ugly breakup. We know they were engaged, and one person turned out to be very abusive. And I was like, I don't wish ill will, but I hope that person slaps their toe every day. And I hope they hit every red light when they're trying to get somewhere. Like, I hope they get every fucking inconvenient thing that can happen to you. I hope happens to them. No, I disagree. I hope they get parking tickets everywhere they fucking go. That's true. Like, all of those super annoying things, I hope happens to them. Bring back the guillotine. I want public executions. I want stoning. I will be first in line. Yeah, the girl, her name's Erin on TikTok. She went viral for doing the like, showing up to the Salem witch trials and the execution. She's like, oh my god, not her. I never saw that coming. That's fucking crazy. It just reminds me of you and she has popcorn. She's like, sorry, sorry I'm being so loud. I'm really hungry. It's giving town crier. Call me Town Crier. That is fo sho A girl I work with actually looked at me and was like, Are you a Leo? And I was like, I don't know how to take this information. I get that all the time. You must be a Leo. I'm like, does that mean I'm obnoxious? Yeah, I think it does. You know what? I saw this quote the other day. It said, I will no longer make myself smaller so that I have an easier pill to swallow, so choke on it. And so, to that I say, choke. Get, you know, get the Heimlich. Right? We don't wish total ill will. But like, maybe have just a moment of Passing out? Fuck, I might I might die. You had that in a Chinese restaurant? I did See? I only wish moments I've had myself. I'm speaking from personal experience. Yeah, I got the Heimlich in a Chinese restaurant. I don't know what episode that's in, but it's definitely in one. So just listen back until you hear it. We joke about it all the time on Thanksgiving. I can't watch you eat a steak on a stick. I get nervous. I start to get this way. I wasn't even there. I'm like, don't do this to me. I was driving with Fiona the other day. It's your actual, I was gonna say you have a like actual phobia about this. Yeah, it's weird. I don't know why. I wish I didn't, but I was in the car with Fiona the other day and we literally like almost crashed because she like went and she was eating something and I, I fully was like. You must have witnessed something as a kid or like watched a show where this happened. I did a couple of times. But it's weird because I don't know which one was like the pinnacle, but I have vivid memories of like three of them. I can name three separate times. That's so fucking, so random. Like I don't think like death, like that subset about choking for some reason is like pinnacle of fear. It's, I don't know, and it's weird. So interesting. Please continue. So just like don't do that shit in front of me, I get pissed. I get so pissed. Like people can help it? Yeah, sidebar, something that happened to me and I can't remember if I talked about it in the last episode. If I didn't, quick, quick thing. Erin and I, no I did talk about it, it's kind of coming back to me. You'll correct me. Okay. Erin and I left a bar, kind of recently, like a couple months ago, and we followed these, like, guys home, like, made friends with them, and they'd come home with us, sang, yeah. My friend Erin, the bride, the most recent bride, I went to her. Oh, where are they now? I went to her rehearsal dinner. Shut the fuck up, Colleen. And I, and it's not close to us, it was like an hour away, and I walk in, and who are the performers, but the men. Shut the fuck up. And it was an intimate rehearsal dinner. It was not like, by intimate I mean like not Did they know? Did you bring up the ranch? So I avoided them, kind of. You shouldn't have. You should have walked right up there and been like, I know what I'm gonna request. So after a little liquid courage, I did have a Snapchat video of us like in, with me on, they had a tambourine. Yes. And they had brought said tambourine to it. Oh my god. And so I was like, I showed them the video and I was like, I have been in your home. And this is when people are filing out. So it's like, no one's like, I told everyone, I told the bride's mom, I'm like, gang, I bet on this man's living room. And they're like, what? Oh my god, Colleen. Because why not? They actually had booked somebody else, and that person they booked, their mother had died that day. Very, yeah, very sad. Oh, so upsetting. So he was like, don't worry about it, I know, I know a couple guys. Which like, so nice. I wouldn't even think twice. I'd be like, fuck these people. My mama's dead. Yeah. But he was such a nice man. Booked them. And it ended up being great. But I was dying on the floor. How fucking funny. Of course I walk in, and I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? Was it all the roommates? Yeah, it was one of the, uh, not all of them, there was like one missing, but. That is so fucking funny. Did they recognize you? When they said it, they both were like, and I was like, uh huh. With the pizza? Yeah. In the terrible ranch? Yeah. Yeah, so I should have been like, I remember you in Valley motherfuckers And I'm like we stole things from your cabinet, but that's fine We stole some snacks, harmless snacks, a little emergency. Listen, just a little things to take on our way home Yeah, we had to make up to go bag. Yeah, if you're gonna serenade me, I need something. I need something. Yeah You whip out a guitar. You better be ready for me to steal from your cabinets. No, that seems like a very even trade. That's pretty much all I had in terms of things. Uh, two other things I wanted to note. One, tragedy has struck at work, which means someone has stolen the Diet Pepsi's Diet Cokes. No, like I'm going full investigation. Oh my God. Like I want to, I want to pull in the camera people. Like I am. Someone's on a mission. I'm on a mission. You know how I feel about that shit. You love an ice cube. I do and I purchased those trays myself the circle ones from amazon. Wow. What am I gonna do repurchase? I thought no. Well, can you expense it? Can you like make it an office supplies thing? I mean probably but it's just like annoying, you know, those are mine. My ice cube trays and now I just what I can't have my coffee with my ice cubes. You do love an ice cube with a Diet Coke. I'm just so upset about it. I'm very sorry for your loss. But there will be an update. Okay, yeah, keep us posted. I will get you an update, gang. And two, I have a doctor's appointment in November. Okay. Yeah, I'm gonna bring on my ADHD issues. Wow! Yeah. Wow! Yeah. That's all. Wow. I thought you'd appreciate that one. Holy shit. Did you call and make that appointment yourself? Uh, no. It was like a regular one, but I was like, you know what, I'm gonna bring it up. Holy shit. Call. I didn't make the appointment with the thought of I need to make this appointment for a adhd, but like, I needed to make an appointment, so I did. Oh. I'm like, I have no words. Who is she? I dunno. I'm having imposter synge. Syndrome a little bit also no more wine. No more wine. It's giving me heartburn. I really don't like it I had two really bad instances In case you wanted to know two rehearsal dinners that didn't fare very well in my realm of the world But also like it's my own fault. I didn't really drink any water that day. I was really busy with work They both were on fridays. Did you eat and I didn't really eat that day both days And I took my ozempic that day too, it was, it was not a good concoction and add a little tinge of social anxiety and a couple glasses of wine and I was down for the count. Uh, bad bridesmaid alert. Very bad bridesmaid alert. I, I didn't get up until noon. Well the first time that happened to me, and the second time it happened to me, I slept on the bathroom floor, I threw out my keys by accident, and I made, oh my god, I had to get up at like 4 30 for the bus, and I Why 4 30 a. m? Yeah, so we, it was like an a church wedding, so it was a little bit earlier in the day, and we were getting ready at a different location. So we had to, like, we all got up early. That's insane. Yeah, we had to, well, we had to, like, wash our hair and everything, so I was up at, like, 4. 30. I woke up, I don't even remember, like, really getting to the shower. I walked ass naked down the hallway to my friend's room, apparently, and her boyfriend opened the door and was like, Oh, hello! And I just, like, got in the shower. I actually had to, sitting between the mother of, The bride and the mother of the groom, I had them stop the bus so I could get off to throw up on the highway. So, not my finest moment on a day that's tough. Yeah, so it's not Bridesmaid of the Year material. And, but, what I will say you recognize that it was a multitude of things, right? There were a lot of Oh, I said I was carsick, of course. Because that's what you say. That's what you say. Yeah. That's what you say. Yeah. But I appreciate you going, okay, I need to eat a day that I'm going to be drinking a lot. I need to drink more water and maybe wine isn't it. Yeah. Also, the groom might have been begging me to go to bed and I was barking back at him and said, I'm different. So that didn't pan out well in my favor. Yeah. I'm not different. I'm not. I'm not different. You're like one of those women who's like, Vegas better watch out for us. Like, Vegas hasn't seen you bitch come from fucking millions of you white bitches come to get shitfaced. Dude, yes, it's Colleen and all the men, and he's like, Go to bed, you have to be up in like three hours, and I'm like, I'm deffa Shut up, Colleen. Shut up, you should've punched me. I'm not like every other girl. Yeah, please, Colleen, you threw away your keys in the lobby trash can. And didn't know you were missing them until someone told you, 3pm the next day. So, just don't But that's all you can do, is you just learn from it and you do differently in the future. Always the bridesmaid and never the bride. Yeah, so sorry Erin, your, your wedding was beautiful, I'm sorry. Love ya. So weddings, in general, so you've been to a lot of them. It's so funny because I saw one of my friends, I think Leanne sent it to me. She sent me this Instagram reel and it was a guy like, you know, all the boomers who say, oh, we could have houses if we stopped eating out so much and stopped getting Starbucks every day. He's like, do you know what actually the problem is? I've been to 21 destination weddings. That's the fucking problem. The down payment I would have on a home, but it, but they're so fun. Like I went to a wedding last weekend, my best friends, Bri and Derek got married. They've been together 14 years. That's crazy. 14 years since we were 20. That's wild. They met when we were in college. They are the fucking best. They're frogging around Greece right now, the islands. We had so much fun and what I loved about their wedding is it was at Owl's Nest in New Hampshire, which is gorgeous. But usually when my friends get together, because people live all over now, when you see them at a wedding, you like, Oh my God, hi. And then you catch up for like five seconds and then you're all sitting at different tables and then you see them on the dance floor and then everyone goes home first thing in the morning. And so you don't really get to hang out with people. At this wedding, they had a welcome night. So we got the whole weekend. It was just a love fest. I loved it so much. I loved my dress. I just had the best time and I just love my friend so much and I love love. I cried the whole time. Also, Derek and Brie have both lost their dads. Ugh, stop. Which, I, I usually like go to the bathroom during the father daughter dance or like, you know, excuse myself during certain parts and they both, it was like represented in a way that I felt, I don't know, I know that's super selfish, it's obviously not about me. They have this beautiful thing where When you walked in they had like dried up flower petals and you put them in a cone And so when they came down the aisle at the end everyone threw out like the remembrance flowers It was like at a table of like throw these in honor of the people they've lost And so they got to like be a part. Oh, and you know what you would love They had scratchies for everyone and it just said we hope you win the lottery, scratchies at every single seat. Oh, I love that. a QR code so when you took pictures you just scanned it and uploaded it so the bride and groom have everything. And I was like, that is such a good idea. Agreed. So even though destination weddings are expensive, I am obsessed with them. Especially New Hampshire, that was an hour and 45 minute drive. It was like a mini destination. That's good. I like that. So, now that you've, cause before, you had never been in a wedding. No. And now you've been in four of them? I was in Three or four? I was only in two, I think. But Molly, you're basically in Molly's. Like, I went to Molly's rehearsal dinner, that was the rehearsal dinner I died at, but it was a low key die because I was irrelevant to the wedding, thank fucking God. But do you know what I mean? You were a part of everything, so maybe you weren't a bridesmaid, but you're still Yeah, I felt so special that I was invited to the rehearsal dinner, but Aww, I'm not surprised by that. You're a part of their family. But I'm just so curious, after not doing it, and then doing it a bunch all summer, Preferences, thoughts, feelings, tell me everything. Okay, I have so many sporadic thoughts. One, being bridal showers, because obviously like, they all had showers too as well. The no gift opening is such a fucking slag. I get the No, I hate it. I get the, what's the word I'm looking for? Like, old fashioned, Scenario, I guess but like just it's for the grandma. Yeah, i'm sorry It's it's for your like aunt ethel who wants to watch you open the crock pot. I can't i'm sorry That's why I loved breeze. It was at a bar on a friday night It was a girls night. They had fucking chicken tenders and egg rolls Yeah, and it was it was clear packaging and don't or don't bring it and just ship it right to the house Yeah, sign me the fuck up 100. I don't give a shit. Don't don't be doing that. Uh shrooms at a wedding in So smash or pass smash I literally put don't die at a rehearsal dinner, I did twice. Uh, Satya Pavliar, bad bridesmaid alert, is in my notes. Yep, yep, fair. My, something I've noticed, not badly, but like why, it makes me almost like sad in a way, like why are you stressed out on your wedding day? Why do you, if it was me, I mean I'm saying this as if I've ever had a boyfriend, slash, or it's like on The horizon. In the near future, yeah. I don't give a fuck. Like, honestly, I, are you having a good time? Are these people having a good time? I don't care. So you will hear this from a lot of brides and a lot of grooms as well. It is so much money. It goes by so fast. It's so stupid. Sorry. And they don't Like, most people that I've talked to have gotten married, their favorite wedding was someone else's, not their own. Yeah. Because everybody wants to talk to you and needs something from you, and you're getting asked stupid questions. It's like, what time do I have to be here? What time do I have to be there? And then there are so many details that unless you are super wealthy and you have some incentive, Stain wedding planner who takes care of everything. Also shut out. Nicole Olmy. I know we don't do small business shutouts anymore. Nicole Olmy is the best wedding planner you will ever have in your life. She takes care of everything. If you want the opposite of what Colleen is describing, you will hire Nicole Olmy. I actually saw something that she posted recently. It might've been at the witch mirror. Stunning. She's, she's incredible. I don't think I, I should've like commented or something, but I remember seeing it and being like, holy shit. Stunning. The way that she like takes care of the bride and groom and like takes care of every single detail. But anyway, going back to what my friends have said, there are so many details and something is just bound to go wrong. And I hate to say it, weddings bring out the worst in some people. I agree. They, like, make it about them for no reason, and I'm not talking about the bride and groom. There's always some drama involved. There's always drama. It's like, can everyone just fucking relax and have fun? Yeah, I'm saying. But yeah, that's very real. A lot of people are stressed on their wedding day. Like, why are we stressed, like panicked, or like I want to get a massage the morning of my wedding. I want just to hang out with my friends. I want to have a sleepover with my friends. It's my favorite part of the day is getting ready together and just listening to music and having mimosas and everyone's eating a bagel because it's the last time you're gonna eat in fucking 12 hours. And I just like want to dance and do whatever the fuck I want. Yeah, also weddings where dinner goes till 10 p. m. Fuck off. That dance floor better open up at 8:00 PM and I better be on it for at least two hours. No, speaking of, we're not doing a formal dinner, sorry. We're snacking buffet style with things that people actually want. I mean, yes. What's in your buffet? Did I, Ooh, what's in your hypothetical wedding buffet? Uh, Chipotle catering. No, I'm just kidding. Okay. That, but definitely there's some chicken fingers, there's some pasta. Like we don't want any bitches dying. Get your pasta in. Yes. Get your carbs. Yes. I just, I don't care. Like, I don't, don't get it wrong. Yeah, the steak and chicken, all of you. Loved the chicken I've been eating, because you know I never get to take, but like Mashed potatoes I probably eat at your wedding? Fabulous. The broccolini? Fuck me right up. It's just not for me. It's just not. That's all. It's very formal. Well, when you go to a venue, those are the plate options they have. Yeah, so like, we're doing, and I don't care if buffet is ratchet. We're, we're bringing a buffet. Yeah, they, it's cheaper, and so most people Like more formal where you're you're plated through a waiter, but who fucking cares honestly I like cocktail hour better than I like formal dinner. Like i'd rather just a cocktail hour and a dance all the hors d'oeuvres Yeah, like or not even hors d'oeuvres Like I want the like cocktail tables and like cocktail seating and just like a buffet like I don't You don't need a formal seat. People need somewhere to sit. You're not getting a fucking seat. No, you're not. Fine. People need to sit down somewhere. We'll have some tables for the elderly. If there's any. We don't have any elderly. Just kidding. We really don't. You have to live that long? Who am I kidding? I have no money. We don't. We have no money and no elderly. So, by the time I get married, we'll be, it'll be us. So, bring out the walkers. Also I think that if we have not texted in a year, you are absolutely not invited to my wedding. My distant cousins, uncles, my mom's dentist brother Twice removed. What the fuck are we doing? Is everybody okay? It's always the mother. I know some people are like, oh, they like, my, either my parents made me invite them, or I just felt bad, or whatever. Like Parents lose the fucking plot when their child gets married. Like, we have 100 cousins, sorry. The worst fight I ever saw my mother and sister get into. Because we all lived at home together while they were wedding planning. Yeah. Don't recommend. Mm mm. Uh, was over the seating chart. That's insane. In my whole life. That is fucking insane. Through teenage years. You sit for how long? Hopefully not that long. Yeah. Biggest blowout fight I've ever seen them get into. Open bar, slay, obviously. Obviously. Don't have a wedding list, open bar, sorry. Not going. If it's Cashmire, I won't be there. I will ask first. I will ask somebody who, I will. We will find a way. We will. To learn this information before going. Also, you said welcome party. Welcome party, such a slay. Uh, Brianna's wedding had, the rehearsal dinner was on a boat, so it wasn't like formal rehearsal dinner. It was like fabulous. Open bar the next night was the welcome party and it was like everybody that was coming to the wedding and then the wedding was the next night. It was Yeah, that's a full fuckin weekend. It was fabulous. Yeah, it's amazing. And I just like, we spent it with everybody. Like, and we all had the same hotel. I know, it's so fun. So it's not like we're all separate either. Like, it was, we all just were all together. Yeah, the pictures looked amazing too. I was obsessed. I went to one church wedding and one thing that I appreciated that I was like, wait a minute, like old school style, there's like the recession they, the bride and the groom are like outside on the, what's not the porch, but like by the front doors and they say, they greet everybody so you don't have to do it at the wedding. So you can say it like you saw every single person because they're all walking out Yeah, Derek and Bri like barely got through half of the room before they were like just make the dance or happen at this point Yeah, so we did that at the church so that we watch the reception. They didn't have to do any of that Oh, that was the point but in my brain, that's how I like. Yeah, it's smart. Yeah, it's smart So that's that and there's like no holding up the line cuz you're like gotta go, you know Yeah, yeah running through you saw every single person. That was love it. And why are we forcing formal dances? Sorry again, I think most things are just tradition now and they just feel like quote unquote the right thing to do in this in this day and age. Oh my God, let's dance. I would love that. But like organized dances. No dance lessons. No, like cha cha slide. No. Oh, you mean when the bride and groom have like a formal bride and groom mother son. Father, mother, whatever, whoever the fuck. Yeah. None of those. None. Sorry. Sometimes, I like, obviously when I watch them, I'm like, Oh my god, that's cute. And like, no. Especially if it's a whole song, no. So that's what's happening a lot too. They're cutting the song in half, which I really appreciate. It's like You know, the two verses and a chorus and that's it. Which I, I really appre we don't need a four and a half minute with you and your mom. Like, we just don't. We don't need it. Nope. Do it at home, I don't know. Do it at home! Also, like, the, like the, the uncomfortable first dance. Like, just like, even just Sway. Just sway. It's okay. No one gives a fuck. Also, like, I don't And also, the people who do, the people who leave and that's what they give a fuck about, they're not the people They're freaks. You care about anyway. They're freaks. Also, having an opinion about anything. Like, as I have many opinions, but like, I'm not saying like, I'm not leaving the wedding being like, I hated this and what was that. Yeah, you can have preferences without it being. People who have a fucking opinion and also share it with other people, you're sick. Yeah, you're an asshole. You're weird. Get a grip. Not our people. Go call your boy cousin. Touch some fucking grass. I'm saying. Get a grip. Yeah. It's just now. Oh, and the cake thing. No one cares. You get the photo, sure. But so get the cake out of here. Oh my god. I told you the story I won't say who but I was out to dinner with some friends recently and One of them had been a bridesmaid in a wedding where one of the girls was really Socially awkward. She was a bridesmaid She's like everyone's friends from home and she's the one friend from college kind of thing. She's kind of I forget her Vibe with the group, but she's kind of not the outcast if there was to be an outcast. Yeah She like didn't match with everyone as well. I guess. No, that's not true Yes, for explaining that perfectly so she apparently isn't a drinker and had too much to drink and Was absolutely shit face and this was like a Manhattan Wedding in August where they paid a lot of money A boatload of money. She's like a Some sort of silver spoon trust fund baby ice culture ice ice culture ice sculpture. Yeah for sure And at the wedding this awkward bridesmaid who had way too much to drink She like nearly fell over during the vows and stuff Like she was a mess and she's engaged and her fiance was there and never fucking did anything in this bitch Went up to the cake that cost 10, 000 and used her fingers. Sorry, no cake is worth 10, 000. Sorry. When you're that stupid rich, cakes don't mean anything to us. That's absolutely atrocious. I would, I could not even imagine spending that on something that will literally go Nowhere. Nowhere. And people won't eat it. What a waste of fucking money. Yeah, hard pass. She walked up to this cake gang, and she, the way that they reenacted it, she clawed the cake. Like, picture in your hand, do a claw with your hand, and then just put your whole arm in front of you and just make a claw motion, and then she shoved the cake in her mouth. And the bride nearly had a stroke, and so they did the cake cutting, and they just turned it to the side so that it wasn't showing. And she was like, can someone tell that bitch to go home? I would never talk to that girl again in my life. Here's the thing, it's a cake, like at the end of the day. Doesn't matter. Of all the things to ruin, it doesn't matter. First of all, you're an idiot. That's like so ridiculous, like get your shit together. You can be drunk at a wedding without making the absolute ass of yourself. Also, your fiance, what is he doing? What is he up to? Why is none of your friends, or if none of them are technically there, why is no one like all right, it's time to go? Yeah, the groom, I mean the groom, the fiancé of that, it cancelled, he's cancelled. Yeah, no, he knew about it the whole time. He was just like watching her stumble around this wedding. Oh, no, you. Acting a fool. You pick her up, throw her over your shoulder. Yeah, and get the fuck out of there. She clawed a 10, 000 cake with her bare hands and shoved it into her mouth. I have so many follow up questions, like is this something that is not routine, but has happened to her before? It's not. Nope. She's not a drinker. Right. Decided this was the day. Decided to drink today, decided this was the day. I'm sure to what you were saying earlier, there's like a social anxiety aspect of this. If you're a bridesmaids, you get, you start getting ready, you got up at four 30, like there is an aspect of this that's technically torture, where you're up at the as crack of dawn getting ready. I remember at a wedding for that started at 5 p. m. I had a full hair and makeup sitting in the chair at 8 30 a. m It was like great. So I look like a drag queen and it's first of all Another nice thing you've said to me. Yeah, I could I could only hope second of all at this hour at this hour in this economy In this economy? We have no business! We have no business! Anyway, please continue. I think that was really my only wedding thoughts, actually. I'm going to one more wedding this weekend in Kentucky. My friends eloped and they live in Kentucky and so they're doing a reception there and it's going to be such a fun girls weekend and I'm excited. I am. You know, Kentucky isn't super high on my list of travel places, but the women in this group Getting them on a plane away from their children for a whole weekend is is like Unimaginable. So having a whole girls weekend ahead of us another big love fest I'm so excited. We're gonna fuckin bounce around Kentucky. You watch out, Kentucky! We're coming for ya! I can't wait to hear you eat those words the next time. I literally could be Revere and I'd be thrilled, but yeah, so we'll No, don't say that. I'm sorry, I just don't take that back. Revere. Revere Beach? Yeah, I would be pussy popping on Revere Beach with my girlfriends. So hard, but you know what I mean? Like when your friends, well, you don't know this part, but when your friends have kids, right, when they go out, if you go out in Boston, they're semi behaving themselves because they're like the worst thing to do parenting is be a hungover parent. It's miserable, especially when they're little, right? And so even when you go out with them, they're like technically held back a whole ass weekend without their children and a party planned. Sign me the fuck up. I'm gonna get them so drunk. I'm so excited to hear about this. I'm so excited. I can't wait to follow up on this. Yeah, we didn't take a lot of pictures last weekend. I'm very disappointed in us. So this weekend I'm gonna be on my A game. So we'll make up for it. Yeah, my friend eloped as well. I thought of it when you said eloped. And she did it really early in the morning because she just like didn't want to be bothered. Like, didn't want anyone around like for pictures and stuff. Her hair and makeup lady, no, showed. So what did she do? Her own. But like I mean, uh, but someone who is and I can say that's because she said it too is inept with that stuff. It's not like physically not capable That's so hard. But imagine you get up on your what would be like your wedding night? Like no, i'd be so upset and she no showed like I I was like, I don't know what I would do I would give her talk about stress the morning of your wedding This is a great reason to be stressed the morning of your wedding Also, she got up so early because of sunrise so none of us were like awake yet So like she's texting but we're not Awake to see like we didn't know like she's like, I'm so shitty like alone with him. Did the person say why? It was confusion on dates and times apparently. That's so unacceptable Yeah, I think she offered her a bunch of free stuff and like a free stay and a bunch of but she just was like I don't give a shit at this point. Like just get away. Yeah, it's already you missed it Yeah, it's pretty time you saw that you missed it. I had already been i'm back. So did she tell you after? Yeah, so she well she told us but we were asleep like it was at like sunrise You So like we were were you guys there i'm confused. No, she like, oh, she just went full Sunday morning too, and it was after the wedding. I was in oh, so truly no one can help So no one no one's alive. No one's up. No one's up. So she couldn't even ask like what should I do? Like she couldn't Phone a friend like you're not that we could have helped much but you know what I mean? Yeah that was tough. So like what would you do? I would actually set that building on fire. I Love doing my makeup. So I would find a way like I I wouldn't be happy about it But I would be able to do it's like you with hair. Yeah, you're so good at your own hair That's not the day that you want to do it. So I'd make it work. But oh I would be Yeah, especially when you have like a justice of the peace on the way, you got a photographer on the way, like a whole thing, like it just, I would have burned the bitch down. Also songs I never want to hear again, especially at a wedding. Oh, wedding songs, yeah. Like I'm cool with the old classics, like I like those, like I like a good, Yeah, September, Earth, Wind Fire, fuck me right up. Give me some Shout, like I'm okay with these things, like those I can talk like this to too. Single ladies, single ladies. No. Shut up and dance? No. Can I just say about single ladies? No. Everyone points to me. It's just like, ew. I'm like, I Okay. And? I'm the only single person you know, so I now get victimized. Thank God. Have you ever been personally victimized by single ladies, the song? Yeah. No. Do you know what I mean? And then I'm like, dance, Mikey, dance. So then I do the little, uh, uh, uh. And people are like, oh my God. I would literally be like, oh, okay. Well, your husband sucks. You're not selling marriage to me. But I'm not bitter. Just kidding. Shut up and dance? Can't. No. Absolutely not. Party rock anthem? Absolutely not. Party rockin in the house tonight. Absolutely not. Can't stop the feeling. I can do without JT. Yeah, I can do without JT. Uptown Funk and any Bruno Mars. Get the fuck out of here. Sorry. No. No. So rude. I'm done. I love Bruno. No, Kesha. None of that shit. I don't want it. YMCA? What? No. No. Absolutely not. Kesha? I almost am anti Super Bass at this point. No, I just Take it back. It's a big itch. You take it back right now. No, I will not take it back. Super Bass? I'm on the line of not being able to fuck with Super Bass anymore. That's my favorite song. I know it is. And so I'm telling you and looking you in your eyes when I say this with true hatred in my heart, as a hater to my core, I'm on the line. OK, yeah, this is like a death fine. I'm just letting you know. But yeah, those are my thoughts. about that. And that's not about that. That's my absolutely unwanted unasked for opinion. You're welcome. That's what a podcast is. Wow. Welcome. And wow. Okay. Next we have shows that I have watched this, this last few months. Love Island U. S. Oh, you did? I watched it. You did? The most recent season? And can I just say, Okay. How happy I am to never see Kayler cry on my TV ever again. Oh, dude. Or Aaron. Oh, I hate the, the burning. Aaron, what in the fuck? I Wanted to slap her silly. I, I, I can't. I'm so glad she came back to the reunion with some like fire in her belly versus the sobbing. I will take anger any day over the crying. And she put it in it's place for sure. It is unbearable. No, Aaron's an absolute clown. With his stupid little earring I wanted to rip it out. I can't. Such a loser. Kennyyyyyy. She's I love her but I, she annoys me at the same time. Yeah the voice sometimes when she's, I really like Janae though. Yes. Leah? I didn't at first and then I liked her by the end. I was going to say by the end she really grew on me. The vocal fry. The vocal fry. The vocal fry was real. The vocal fry was real. I like Kenny but do you not think he looks like Kermit the Frog? Because I do. No, I think Kenny is so hot. I think he's handsome but there's something, it's Kermit the Frog to me. I cannot. Oh my god, that's wild. Rob, what are your thoughts? Rob. I'm obsessed. Oh, Rob. I'd love to see him in the wild catching snakes. Ugh, divine. Rob is very endearing. If you creep on his Instagram though, it's not right. I, that doesn't surprise me. I, here's the thing about Rob, I don't love, and I don't like when women do this either, this is not just a man thing, when you hype up your friend who is doing just straight up shitty things. Yeah, he did not support the correct way. So there was a couple of like, no bro, you're right, when it's like, dude, you're wrong. Erin is obviously fucking wrong, and I know he was embarrassed by this and I appreciate Rob for having the emotional intelligence when he jumped in the pool and hid under the bridge. I was like, Rob, honey. Men make me sick. Rob, Rob. But he's very attractive and he's very endearing. There is something about Rob that is likable. Yeah. Even when he's being an idiot. Correct. And I, even when he was like sobbing to Leah. Yeah. I was like, Oh, I don't know why, but I feel bad for you. And I don't feel bad for men ever. Yeah, and like he would say things and I'm like, ugh, but I agree with you. Yeah, and he, he's very, he, in my eyes, is actually a smart man who is kind and has a good heart. And so I think even when he was being stupid, you're like, oh, that's just Rob. Yeah, like I know him personally. But, damn, is he attractive. Overalls have never been the same. It's so unfair. Overalls have never been the same. I'm thinking about getting myself a bear. Like, I love a man in overalls and tattoos. Like, ugh. Who was the girl from Australia? Liv. Love her. Loved Liv. Love her. We needed more of her. Liv I wish she found love so bad. And like, I, you, you guys know I'm obsessed with Love Island UK, and of course I watched that season too. There was a girl in that season Very similar to Liv, who got a lot more backlash. And I think women who are just direct, I just appreciate that. I don't know if it's an East Coast thing. I would rather you be like, I actually don't like what you did and it's super fucked up, than someone be like, no, no, no, that's totally fine, and then behind my back be like, what the fuck is she doing? I think everything that she stood up for was valid, and that's why it's fine. Except for the whole, like, backseat. You took a backseat. Yeah, that's true. All that drama was so fucking dumb. It was so dumb. It just took Like three episodes if not more and I'm like, can we just Get past there was just a lot of crying and on the uk version. They're just like I don't know. I don't know if it's the Brits. They're just drier. They're just like, all right, this didn't work out in the U. S. It's like, uh, like this sobbing, you know what I mean? But I enjoyed it. It's the first U. S. season I've watched. I'm still Love Island UK all the way. But I told you, though, that this one would surpass. It would be OK. It didn't surpass, but I'm glad I watched. It did not surpass. It will never. You usually don't like the U. S. ones. That's what I'm saying. Like out of all like, yeah, it would never surpass the UK. It just can't. It just can't, and it won't, and it shan't. Dancing with the Stars. Yep. Listen everybody, I have never cared about this show. The only time I have ever even watched it was with Colleen, who has always been obsessed with said show. Correct. They absolutely crushed the casting. I disagree. How on earth could you possibly say that? I just think they could do, they could do, there was a couple like, but I'm like why? But for what? Reginald? No, he's a kid. You would say that about Reginald? I didn't fucking say that about Reginald. I think Reginald should win. The way, the way I would die for that man. Who's disagreeing with you right now? Who is more wholesome than Reginald? No one. Stephen the pommel horse king? Alona Mar? Don't you dare. Don't you dare insult Elona Mara or Stephen the Pommel Horse King. No, I told you she's grown on me. Yeah, her TikToks. Yeah, she's funny. Her and Alan. She has charisma. I like her. Charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and talent, like the t shirt I'm wearing. You know the Trixie Mattel TikTok viral sound that's like the way I would fuck him. I'm the ride. He wouldn't survive. The whales would come off. Dani Amendola. Stop. I'm so upset. I'm just upset. Dani. Dani. Amandola is just not of this earth. How the fuck does Whitney look like that? Yeah, she's actually kind of painful to look at sometimes because I'm like it's like looking into the sun. It's rude. It's so rude. Same with Dani. Rude. Yeah, they're way too attractive. Joey. Joey must win. Yeah, he's a cutie. I loved him as The Bachelor. I love Kelsey. Big Kelsey girl. Joey must win. He's killing it. He's crushing it. No, he is. He's so good. He was a cheerleader. Obsessed with him. He's cutie. So Jen Tran, I didn't watch, I'm kind of over the Bachelor franchise in general. Yeah, way past over. But how about this? I went to the Red Sox a month ago, she threw out the first pitch, and there were a bunch of people in the audience that had Bachelor Red Sox hats on. So it was the Red Sox beat, and then I would just say Bachelorette on it. That's cute. And then she was out at the bars after like, Yeah. She's from here. Spraying shots on everyone. Yeah. She's from here. Yeah. But as far as the casting goes, I love it. I'm here for it. I am too. It's all right. I, we're just never going to agree on that. I just don't like Steven and Riley also. I don't like Riley. I don't know why. Her, I think it was her and Harry. You can't see me with my jaws on the floor. He's cute, but like, I don't know. The little sleeper agent, Pommel Horse King? Yeah, I don't know. Oh, I'm obsessed with him. It's not a hill I'm gonna die on or anything, but it's like a, I don't know. Cause it would be the wrong one. Something's not right, is all I'm saying. I hate you. Sorry. Okay, this is actually a good segue about me hating Colleen. Colleen says, and I will say, I was asked thrice. To watch the show, Tell Me Lies. I was asked Oh, please! Thrice. You're the anomaly. First of all, how dare you. No, you are. Second of all, I hate this show. I hate it. I love it. I know that I I'm the oddball here. I'm the odd man out here because everyone's obsessed. Steven is the fucking worst. Lucy is so unlikable. There is not one person you can root for in that entire show. You almost want to root for Lucy at first and then you're just like, fuck you. Also, I have never seen my hip bones. Her hip bones are out and about. I've never seen mine before. You, I said to you, compare it to a television show and you said I honestly can't, you're gonna be so hooked. It is like if Pretty Little Liars and Euphoria had a shitty baby that was annoying. Pretty Little Liars was not a good show. Correct. So that's rude to say. Pretty Little Liars. In college. Toxic euphoria. Meets euphoria. Toxic euphoria. That's what I would say. It, no one is likable. I loved Brie, and I loved, who's the roommate? The rich roommate. Evan. I loved Evan, and I loved Brie, and I loved that. And then that went to shit, and it turns out in the second season, everything even goes more to shit. It's just like you're on the edge of your seat. I'm not like i'm not watching these shows to be like I love this person and I want to cry and like love them and like hear for their plot I want the drama. I want the fucking tea Okay, so that makes sense because they literally all turn on each other and they're not good friends to each other. I hated it I hated it. There's a part where lucy is talking about she's sitting down with her roommate I think it's brie and they're sitting at a lunch table And Brie is obviously worried about her own life and Lucy is just like, Are you thinking about me and Steven and my relationship? And she goes, No, if I do poorly on this test, I will literally lose funding and not be able to go to college. So, your relationship is kind of the last thing on my mind right now. She like, almost becomes Katie Heron talking about Regina George. Yeah. Like, it just gets to, she's, but, we all, we all have either been there or know someone who's been there. This is why I think I was triggered. My roommate in college was the female Steven. Oh. And men were coming up to me, being like, what's the deal? What is she telling you? The most toxic person I've ever met. We call her Voldemort. Okay. She's she is deeply deeply unwell sociopathic Also comes from a shitty family like there's a lot But there's only so much you could blame on that shit before you're just like you just suck. No. Yeah Yeah, you're toxic and you're shitty. And so I think that is where I was like, oh I used to live with this person I hate this. So yeah, I didn't love Tell me lies. Love is blind Who the fuck is in charge? Casting this fucking show around here Would you apply? Yeah, Victoria put my name in. Stop. Yeah, one of my guy friends got reached out to, actually. Are you serious? No, serious. Yeah, they were doing just Boston. Who, which guy friend? You don't know him, actually. That's not true. I know all of your friends. Have you ever heard me say Joe? No. Exactly. Rude. Yeah. I know all of your friends. Who the fuck is Joe? Joe! Reveal yourself. If you're in the room, stand up. You would actually like him. Okay. That's all. And I don't think you'd like a lot of my friends, because sometimes I don't even like them that much. Oh. But you'd like him. What a ringing endorsement, Jo. Can't wait to meet you. Fucking Rams, Ramses, Ramses, whatever his name is, him and his two fucking dreadlocks can go kick sand, kick rocks, pound sand, whatever the saying is. When he's like, I won't wear a condom and it's important to me to have pleasurable sex. Do you know what I'm talking about? Why are you looking at me like that? Because that's crazy. I didn't, I don't watch Love Is Blind. Oh my god, he acts like a feminist the entire time. It's like, yay feminism, yay women. Yay everything and then they meet outside of the pods and he's like, Oh, I don't want to wear a condom. That's not happening. And she was in the service and he's like, I just really judge people for it's just, I mean, I'm not giving all of the context. There's more context than that. It is so bad. Then there's a guy who, his name is Tyler and him and his lady are like having a time. They get whole ass engaged, Colleen. They come out of the pods. He's like, Oh, I have three children. I'm a sperm donor. Okay, well that doesn't count then she's come out. No Colleen you don't understand you do not tell people after the no, no, no, no, no, no, then If you're a sperm donor, like, that's not a myth, like, who gives a shit? There's more to it. Oh, okay. We could go down this rabbit hole for like an hour. So If I sell my eggs, I have to tell everybody that? You don't have to tell everyone that. The person that you plan to marry in a week? If you had little u's all over the place. Yeah, but they, I'm not gonna know them, so why, you know what I mean? this is a serious question. Is that a thing that people can do if like I was a product of a sperm donor, like I can find him? Because I don't think that should be a thing, that that should be allowed. You know what I mean? What do you mean? Like if I, my parents were like, oh by the way, like your dad's not your dad and like you were a product of like a sperm donation, like would I be able to find a sperm donor? See, you absolutely should not be able to do that. in my opinion. That's crazy. Why? Because, like, you have to know your family history. You have to know certain things about yourself. I guess, but, like, I wouldn't want, if I was donating, I wouldn't want, like, hundreds of me to come find me later. Like, I'm doing it for, like, either myself and or for the person that, like, needs it, but, like, I don't want it, you know? I'm doing it for myself financially, probably. if you give your sperm or your eggs to someone, right? You're happy to help a sister out. Yeah. I actually don't know enough about it, so I probably shouldn't speak on it. I mean, I don't either. I'm just like more or less talking out loud, you know enough. Let me know your thoughts. Tyler owes 30k in child support for his three kids. Oh wow, that's crazy. I'm actually reading a book right now, that random. But the premise of the story is this guy who's like a famous, like, record label owner situation, whatever, comes from a lot of money. He, like, gave sperm back in the day because he was, like, rags to riches. One of them, like, comes, comes back and circles back and finds him somehow. And he's like, what? But he takes the child underneath his wing. But, like, it's like, oh, forgot I gave sperm 20 years ago. Like, that's crazy. That's crazy. So, he gave his sperm to a lesbian couple. Oh. and the lesbian couple split and after they were separated, Tyler came back into the picture to help raise the child and while they were living together, co parenting, they conceived two twin girls. No, like that's literally so weird, I'm sorry. And so Bree, who identifies as a lesbian, said in the videos they were never like officially together, so that's why she supported the decision to go on, his decision to go on Love is Blind. But He essentially disowned his own children. He played more of a part of it than just like some random sperm donor. Right, so he played it off like he was a random sperm donor in reality. He had whole ass children. Yeah, he had whole ass children. So that's a lie. Correct. And then there's this one guy who seems lovely. His name is Steven. Like, the whole time I'm rooting for Steven, I'm rooting for Steven. the woman he gets engaged to, I guess, is just like a little slower on the sexual stuff. And he was just whole ass, like, Texting other women being like all this kinky shit. He was like, no, no, we'll go at your own And then just whole ass texting these women There was this guy Leo early days and he was the worst part He's like his whole family has tragically passed away and he's very very wealthy and he's an art dealer And he was like, I just think women are after me for my money while he's wearing a Rolex And he was the only one who kept talking about how much money he made. And we're like, Please. Okay, but if you're so worried about them, why won't you shut the fuck up about it? Like, be fucking for real. And we thought he was the worst part, and it has only gotten worse. He did this super cringy thing when they were, you know how they were in the pods? Yeah. He would go, Mwah, mwah, Men like, just need to go. If one of the girls goes, I'm uncomfortable doing that back. I would laugh. I will say, he has really leaned in on TikTok and made fun of himself. I mean, you have no choice. He's like, borderline likable now, which is crazy, because everyone hated him. You have to laugh with the people and make a joke of yourself, or else, what the fuck are you gonna do? Totally. And then you have Hannah and Nick. So, Hannah and Nick. Nick is a child. Nick asked her at one point like how much water should you boil before you put pasta in because he can't figure out how to do it. Why do I like sometimes think that's kind of cute? I don't know. I've ne I've never felt my poosh wash shrivel up and die harder than a man who can't do basic things. And you feel like you are babysitting them. He lives at home now he's in real estate. Apparently he's very successful, but they pay for his phone. They pay for his car insurance. They like pay for all of these things and he like doesn't know how to. boil water for pasta. He like needs assistance. She, every single thing he did, she would write down all the things she didn't like. So honestly, him on his own, like Nick just on his own, if she wasn't So shitty. He would have been bad enough. She just emasculates him every fucking chance that she gets. And now people fucking hate her and the internet's coming for her. And, yeah. She also definitely had her own zempy journey. Which, like, listen, love that for you. Good for her. So she's, like, trying to make fun of herself, but the internet is just dragging her. So yeah, her delivery is shit, but this entire season of Love is Blind has been such a shit show, and I just want to speak to all of the producers of dating shows. We actually need someone to root for. It can't all be bad all of the time. And crazy people. Like, we need the Lauren and Cameron speeds from season one. Like, we need. You need to give us a glimmer of hope. Give us an amber burnette. You can't, yes, you cannot give us just straight up shitty people 24 7. Yeah, like we don't want Where no one's to root for. Kayla and Aaron. We don't want them. No, I never want to see Kayla on my television ever again and Aaron can get shot into the sun. Anyway, the Menendez brothers. The update we all wanted, needed. I can say this because it was literally just a recreation. Okay, but they are so hot in the recreation. I hate you so much. I'm not saying they are hot. I'm saying them in the recreation are hot. Those actors are hot. Thank you. That's his real penis. I know, I watched it a couple times after I found out. I rewinded a few times. And he is so flamboyantly gay and fabulous. Oh my god, I love him so much. Did you watch him on Watch What Happens Live? Of course I did. When he uses his man voice? Yeah. I was like, I just got PQs. PQs! He also has two brothers and a twin brother that's actually really hot. Oh, really? And another brother. Yeah, they're all like, inclined. I hope every single one of them wins an Emmy. Me too. They were incredible. Him specifically, I think it's the fifth episode. It's just him talking about abuse. The entire time. The entire time. It's, it's actually the most, one of the most incredible things I've ever seen. Yeah, he has to get something for that. He must win all the things. He'll die on. So, I did an episode on the Menendez brothers a few months ago. And it actually has been listened to a lot recently because I get updates on who's, not who's listening, but, you know, people going back and re listening. I get those updates once a week. And it's one of the most listened to episodes, like, of all time, of ours. Okay. So I watched Monsters, which is the Ryan Murphy series. And then I watched the Menendez Brothers documentary on Netflix from their point of view. Holy shit. First of all, just holy abuse, right? Like so much of it and I knew that they were abused like I think I say something about Lyle's hair falling out early as a kid. And obviously that does not happen unless you're sick. I hate to say it, I audibly laughed in monsters when she, when she rips it out the table to payoff. I could, well, it's so ridiculous, And he's so young. Yeah. Like it's so insane. And then brother's just like, what? And he is like, it's obviously not funny. It's not funny at all, but it's shocking the way it's played out is and fucked up. Yeah. It's, sorry. Yeah. So I. Dropped the ball here because I mentioned the abuse almost as like an afterthought and like a piece of the story Where now that I'm hearing more I've definitely rethought of it and does it make it innocent? Does it make them innocent? No However, I understand where people have more empathy for them and why people are trying you know their second trial for instance where they're not allowed to talk about the abuse and Their family members aren't allowed to talk about it and testify and Lyle's not allowed on the stand for a multitude of reasons, like, I get it. However, There are a lot of people, unfortunately, who are sexually abused who do not murder their parents. But I get the empathy. I completely understand. Does it make them innocent? No, but I get it. It also makes more sense, like, how brutal the crime was, the spending spree they went on after. It kind of all makes sense of, like, a huge fuck you to both of their parents. Yeah. I also, when I was originally doing the episode, thought Kitty was more, innocent where now it sounds like she Knew the whole time and didn't do anything and was a part of it, which is fucking atrocious Yeah, it's just it's awful now. This is the thing you will never be able to convince me I will never ever Be able to get on the same page of people who think that they were in danger the night they killed their parents Their parents were half asleep on the couch like they went into that they knew what they were doing They went into that house to murder their parents Now, were they scared in general? We could argue that. You will never be able to convince me that they went into that house thinking, We're gonna get murdered tonight. I'll just never get there. But I have way more empathy, and I do wish I did those episodes differently. I think it's super interesting that, How sexual abuse, not just to women, but to men, is far more highlighted now. I guess Eric Menendez has come out and said Monsters is, like, trash and it's all a lie. And Ryan Murphy basically told him to kick rocks and was like, a lot of it was what we heard from you. Correct, because they went to go meet with them anyways. And also, it gives you publicity. It makes more people talk about your experience. Now. The trial by media in that whole aspect, I want to study it. Like, I almost wish I could go to school and study the trial by media and how they got one of the same judges from the OJ trial and they, you know, like, all of the things that were happening around that time. Super, super interesting, but yeah, obviously, lifelong sexual, verbal, mental abuse. But murder is never the right answer. Both of those things can be true. Yeah, I'd agree. They can be douchebags and spoiled rotten bitches and also victims. Like horrific, abused victims their whole lives. What did you think? I didn't finish the real one with interviews with them, but I did, I was very like startled, but maybe it's because I haven't watched enough footage of them like in real life of them just casually saying, yeah, like when we killed our parents, like the, like the way that they just say it casually. Yeah. Crazy. Cause I, I think in my brain, I thought it was one of those things that they never really like admitted out loud. You know what I mean? Yeah. So to hear them say it was crazy. Yeah. Like one point Eric compares missing his mother to a dog. Like, oh yeah, you know you miss the pet in the family when the, when the dog dies. I kind of miss her like that. That's crazy. Something along those lines. So yeah, they're, they're not innocent. Like, I, I don't want to sit here and be like, they blew their parents faces off. Like, they're, they're still murderers. But I understand where the TikTok empathy comes from, from their abuse. Because horrible, horrible things happen to those boys, turns out. They got issues, boy. Yeah, huge issues. Another thing I watched, Chimp Crazy. Colleen, I need you. You guys. I have never seen such unhinged white people shit since Tiger King. I loved Tiger King. It's like Tiger King. You have to watch it. Okay. There's gonna be Halloween costumes about this lady all over the motherfucking place. Every episode I felt like I was on hallucinogens and having a bad trip. I was like, there's no way this shit is real. There's no way. You have to. I need you to watch it. Okay. Nobody wants this. Oh, I didn't watch that. Oh, love, love, love, love, love, love. She can do no wrong, though. Kristen Bell's amazing. Hot Rabbi forever. Obsessed. Spectacular. Give me 14 of them. I want all the seasons, all the episodes. Big, big, big, big fan. Okay, noted. You heard her. You heard it. You heard it here first, folks. Those are the big ones. And now I'm watching Anatomy of Lies. It's on Peacock. Yeah, that's crazy. And it's crazy. It's about one of the writers from Grey's Anatomy and she lies about all these things including like having a terminal illness, which I think you deserve to be shot on sight if you lie about something like that. Lies about PTSD, lies about getting me too'd, cancer. you know, it just goes on and on. You have to watch it. It's fucking crazy. Also, we would be remiss if we did not mention that this is your favorite month of the year. Yeah, it definitely is, for sure. How are you feeling this October? I'm feeling spooky PQs for this crisp air when I look at that skeleton. Just, I'm feeling good. I've already watched Practical Magic a couple times, Hocus Pocus a couple too. I watched Scream last night. Billy Loomis is so fucking sexy. Oh my god, you're so sick. No, he is. So sexy. Even as, as an older person too. What's his name? Skeet Alrich or whatever his name is. Yeah. He's so hot. I also watched Scooby Doo the other day because I just love, and I don't know his real name in real life. 'cause I Shaggy. Yeah. Whatever. 'cause he is in. Yeah. Mm-Hmm. coincides. He also plays one of the dads in good girls. And I just love him as an older guy too. Like, oh, I just love them. I want one. That's all. That's my spiel. Wow. I love that for you. I need to do more spooky things though. I haven't done enough. I picked out a pumpkin. That was really it. I went to actually right down the road. By, you know, tradesmen, there's like a haunted situation going on. I went through. Oh, really? Yeah, there's a haunted ancient Egypt one and you know, that's my jam. Oh my god. I want to live there. That's all. So yeah, spooky season is here. Matthew Lillard. Yes. Yeah, yeah. That's his name. Wait, we told Erin we would go through A Haunted House together and film it. That is true. Wanna go to, we should go through Barrett's. This is my nightmare, but I will do it. Barrett's isn't bad. Barrett's isn't bad. I, that's where I volunteered, dude. I don't care. It's not that bad. I almost said, is that where you volunteered? Yes. Yes, it was. And it was horrible. Respectfully. LOL. It was for a good cause, I won't say that, but let me tell you, after the first hour of screaming at people, I was like, Didn't it pour rain, too? It was raining, and we were in the open one, there's two. There's one that's closed, like the actual house, and then, Yeah. But whatever, we can get drinks at the restaurant next door, so. That sounds excellent, I'm gonna need one. Yep. Oh my god, Liam fucking Payne. Oh yeah, tragic, truly fucking tragic. Dude, what the fuck? You just never know sometimes, man. It's crazy. people who get, You That famous that young drugs man, dude, it was right down the street from my apartment in ba Literally would walk by it's next to my favorite bar would walk by there all the time down the street the minute They said it I was like, there's no way that's the one I walked by And I guess he was with women at some point. So the poor fucking girlfriend is also like, oh, I have to deal with this and now I have to deal with the fact that he was with other people. I did a lot. I, how about, was it TMZ that like legit just took the photo? They should be shot. That's just insane. That should be illegal. That should be fucking illegal. It is now. That's so fucked up. There has to be an invasion of privacy situation there. It's so disrespectful and disgusting. I fucking hate that. I hate it. It ain't right. It ain't right. Sydney Sweeney and Amanda Seyfried in The Housemaid. I'm so fucking excited. Oh, I'm so surprised. I thought you were not a Sydney Sweeney person. I'm really not, but she, she'll be a good what's her name? She's a good actress. Yeah, she's a good actress. She'll be good for that. And also, Amanda Seyfried can do no wrong. Love Amanda Seyfried. Love her. That's the one with the I, I don't want to give away if you have not read the book and we are never going to do a fuckin R. I. P. R. I. P. Read Between the Wines ever again. I don't have the strength. So like, skip ahead if you don't, but I, I just want to clarify which one it is. Is that where the husband is keeping her in the fuckin room, walked away? No. What the, it's not Freda McFadden? No, it is. Wait, maybe it is. No. He doesn't lock her away. There's like a I just read the last one, so honestly, if it's the first one, I forget. There's a, uh, wife, and there's a little girl. And she kills And he's not the dad. And she kills the, the maid kills. The husband. Yeah. In the room. Yeah, we're talking about the same thing. Dude. Do I have Alzheimer's? I don't know. Whatever. Maybe. Yes, yes. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Something along those lines. Okay. Enzo, is it? Yes. Enz. Yeah. Okay. And she marries him? Yes, yes, yes. Okay, cool. Cool. She marries him. Yeah. Did you not read all of them? No. Yeah, she marries him. I just read the first one. Yeah, she marries Enzo. Oh, that makes me happy. Yeah. I mean, just read. Oh no, not Enzo. Is that even his name? Not, yeah, it is. It's Enzo. Okay, cool. Rascal plats coming back. Greatest thing I've heard all year. What? So fucking random. I love them. I love Rascal. Rascal! Actually, Derek danced with his mom at his wedding to My Wish. That's wholesome. And I was like, this is a really nice song. That is really nice. Anyway. And that's really all I had. Thank you. I had, I need to ask Bridget about P. Diddy. Cause I don't know Oh, he's disgusting. Well, I know that. He's, I hope he rots in the fiery pits of hell. That fucking dude. Amen. See ya. See ya, brother. I have my ins and outs. Ins and outs. Okay. Things are ins and outs over the past couple months that I just, we're thinking of. Okay. Cool. Uh, nightgowns and muumuus, absolutely in. Always in. Yeah, but like more recently, in. Absolutely in. No questions. You have literally only worn nightgowns and muumuus for years? No, I have. You, you sometimes come to this house in a full blown muumuu. But they're really in lately. Like for other people. Okay. It's not just me. Okay. Other people have been wearing them. And I just want to say, they're in. They're fucking in. Not just me in. They're in. Regina George wore army pants and flip flops, so I wore army pants and flip flops. Ballet flats, whatever that whole situation that's going on lately, so out. Get them the fuck out of here. Out. Out, out, out. The word slay, still in, will always be in. Let it be in. Mm hmm. Slick back bun, still in. Don't worry. I have a slick back bun in right now. That's why she said it. Walking places, kind of in right now. Just for you. Whatever. Anxiety is out. So out. Who cares? So bad. Who gives a fuck? No one. Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. Out. Get that shit out of here. Fuck Victoria's Secret. Yeah, we're so inclusive. We included one girl with hips. It's so stupid. Ashley Graham. Fuck off. I think Ashley Graham is so stunning. She's fucking gorgeous. She's had like two sets of twins or something. She's gorgeous. It's so annoying. She can do no wrong. Yeah. Caring what men think. Out. Don't give a fuck anymore. Honestly. Wait, how is dating Ben? We haven't talked about dating. So I don't have dating. That doesn't, that doesn't correlate. Hinge is a war zone. It's disgusting. Men disgust me. I hate them all. Honestly. Whatever. I'll just continue to sleep with groomsmen and call it a day, honestly. It's funny because I, I never want people's pity. Like I do not need your pity or your sympathy, but I do need you to understand that if you aren't married or in a relationship. Dating is very, very, very different, and it's very difficult. It's disturbing. It's really bad. Men really scare me, honestly. Yeah. They gross me out. I was listening to a podcast the other day called The Kill List. It's so good. Spoiler alert, men are trash. And in it, he says, statistically, the most dangerous man a woman can meet is her husband. And I was like, that is so fucked up. I was dating a man for a minute, uh, just so the listeners know. I was dating a man. It was actually going well. Plot twist. It was, it was. It was going well. We were having fun. Uh, he is 36 years old and is not ready to date. For anything serious. This man has whole ass gray hairs in his hair Whole ass grays and is not ready for anything serious in his defense. He has a full time job and is in school He is not out of school until he is 39 or 40. I mean and I'm like I'm like, are you fucking now mind you? It was actually really nice. I spent time with someone who treated me well. We had a lot of fun together. He was just not it. But I was like 36 years old. This is the shit we're doing. What is happening? Also, he was I do not have a bad word to say about him. Truly. He called me on the phone. We had a great conversation. There's literally not an ounce of animosity for this man. He loved the outdoors. Wants to camp every weekend, wants to hike, wants to ride a bike. I am so glad I don't have to pretend like that, Chit. I don't want to go camping. Is that what love is? To pretend to care about things? Well, I like to date people, and I like to be enthusiastic about the things that they're enthusiastic about without changing myself. Like, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna pick up a whole ass new hobby. But if you love a specific team, or like, doing a specific activity, I want to do that. I don't know. I want to fuel that. Yeah, I guess. Yeah. I want to encourage your passions, whatever they are, as long as they're healthy, right? I don't want to hike. That's where women die. That's where we get murdered. There are bears. Okay, but think about the drama. About getting murdered? Well, I mean, I don't know. Just like the tea, you know? About getting mur are we talking about the same thing? Maybe like a survival story, like Bitch, what is wrong with you? Another thing you should ask your doctor about I'm bored. I'm fucking bored. Yeah, get a fucking hobby. Start playing pickleball. Maybe you need to go camping for the tea, for the drama. I don't know. I just like, I don't want to pretend to like riding a bike. I don't. I don't want to bruise on my vagina. And I don't want to sit funny for three days. I mean, just to feel something? Come on. No, Colleen. Not even I'm not that desperate. Not even for a man. No. So at least I don't have to pretend like camping or the outdoors anyway That's fair. Please continue. I talked to I think like two I talked to two different men for like a hot minute One used the incorrect versions of there and weird so many times. No, I just directly stopped answering No, I had no explanation needed don't care the other one There was a weird selfie that was involved and I said no one told me he didn't drink which is fine But also like just not my jam. So just didn't answer after that. I think that that's If you were judging him. No, I'm not judging him. Right. That's when it would be wrong. And the thought of having a first date where you have to go sit down and have dinner and I'm drinking and he's not, like, I just can't do it. Sorry. Especially people who are recovering or in AA, there's just a varying level of, sometimes people can't even be around it. And right now, that's a huge part of your social life. That's just the way it is. Yeah, it's not something I can. Not that I would give up for some, oh, whatever, I'm not gonna say that, but, Right. It's just not something I want to think about nor care about at the moment. Not judging them, don't care, but, Yeah. Just not my jam. I totally get it. And that's it. Those are the only men I've talked to. Other than that, I've just been having a good time. Mm hmm. I don't like strangers. You've had fun this summer. Yeah, I've had fun, for sure. But not like, not strangers. Woo! Sorry, my hands are clammy. High five. Yeah, and cheers to fun, that's all. I'm fine. That fills the cup for the moment, and that's it. Okay. Gone Jet Night is in. So in. Always been in. I acquired a, uh, Benjamin from an Airbnb that, like, I just, like, found. And, but I, we knew what it was, like, I've seen it before. And we just were like, oh! Colleen Can I not say that? No, you can, I'll keep it in but like you can't just like pick up random people's drugs. We're like, oh my god, this is a gift. No, it's not. It's not drugs, it's just a pendulum. Colleen. If you don't have the same one. Colleen. So I was like, cool, perfect. So I acquired it. I had it. I have it now. Just a couple little. Puff puffs. Before, when I'm already in bed. Like I have to already be in bed. Oh, and you're anxious ass. I bet that mellows you right the fuck out. Oh my god, I'm like in the bed. Do you know that? It was probably made for someone like you. Probably. Probably. Probably. I found it in a bedside table, so. One thing about me, I'm going through every AirBnB cabinet and drawer. Good Jesus, Lord, Mother of Christ. And let me tell you something, there was a bathroom, right? In this particular AirBnB. And nothing was in the bathroom. It was like maybe two things of toilet paper, that's it. I open up, Fiona and I open up one drawer. And in it is a pack of Newports and a lighter. Waiting for you. And the way we were The gasp, that was gust. And there was silence. Obviously we had to smoke them, cause duh. Just like for fun after a couple drinks. But. I have acquired the pendulum and gondras and I have felt relaxed, but it has to be when I see no other people and I'm in the bed. Yeah. Love that for you. Those are my thoughts. I'll let you know how that goes. Alex Cooper is out. Interesting. Not a fan. Her face bothers me. She's in for me. She's out. She's out. And Being Selfish is in. Being Selfish is in. I love that one. And Protect. Yo. Peace. Protecting. Flower walls. Out. So fucking out. Really? If I see another one, I'm gonna lose my fucking mind. Oh yeah, all the thing is, they're out like every wedding I go to. So I'll like, I'll keep it quiet, but now that they're done, I'm standing my ground. I'm done with the flower walls. Does the neon light on top of it, usually there? I hate neon light signs. Hate them. In general. Could not even be for a wedding. Hate them. Think they're R. I. P. to ours that's hanging up right next to our. She died for good reason. She died, she didn't die in vain. She died. She died and she should stay dead. Yeah. And, what was my last one? Fuck, I just lost my goddamn, oh, clubs. Clubs are so fucking out. They were already out. I am so fucking out on them. I went to one about a month ago and I had the worst. Yeah, experience. I cried. No, I cried. No, like, so unlike, I was like, I have to, like, in Fiona had noticed and she was like, was like, what's wrong with you? And I was like, I, I literally was like, I have to go, like, who even enjoys the setting? There's people everywhere. Yeah. It's not. The strobe lights. I can't see. Not to be fucking Karen. I can't see. I can't hear. I can't dance. I can't pop my pussy. I don't want to share a liquor bottle with people at a table. I want independence. I want. And I just I hate it. The only thing I like about a nightclub is there's always somewhere to sit. Yeah, I guess, but I don't like sitting. I'm chubby. Like, it's just not. No, I'm serious. No, I really don't like, like, you know, when, like, the pants just, you have so much trauma from when you're younger and the pants are really tight. The scrunch and the roll. And you always put a pillow over yourself. Like, it's just, I don't need that shit. Yeah, I get it. I get it. I did wear a skirt, though, which is crazy, that particular evening. So I was like, you know, wearing a skirt, crying in the club, literally crying in the club. In the club. I've never run out of place so fast in my life. That's on my fads. That has to stop. I love it. I'm obsessed with it. What's that show from? Broad City. Okay. What's her name? Eliza? No. Alana. Alana. It was close. Damn it. Yeah. Love Broad City. Big fan. Speaking of fads. Mm hmm. Fads at the moment that we need to discuss. Domingo, obviously. Because we opened up with that anyways. Mm hmm. Sabrina Carpenter, what are your thoughts? Smash. Okay, cool. Same. Oh, is that on your list of Smash fans? Yes, it is. Okay, I'm literally so sorry. No, no, no. We have a lot of overlap. I love this. Chapel? Smash, smash, smash, smash, smash. Erin keeps saying Chappelle, like Dave Chappelle. Nope, nope. Pink Pony Club, me to death. Okay, love her to death. Love the songs. Will pop my pussy, run through a wall. I can't with uh, I just, it's too much for me. I can't perform. I'm canceling shows because I can't. Ma'am, you're a recording artist. You got to perform for the people that people love you. Just you gotta get it right. I'm, sorry Yeah, I think It's hard because a part of me is like good for her for putting her mental health first and her physical health And another part of me is like this is part of the gig. This is part of you being Ultra famous now is having these con and people have already spent like some people are flying in and have spent money on hotels and You Yeah, it's, it's a tricky balance when they, when they do that. I'm just saying. That's for sure. Should come with the territory. Digital cameras. They're in. I'm here for it. Love them. Oh my god. It just gives me flashback to when I used to bring one out to the bars and then post all of them on Facebook being the person that gets to plug it in the next day and be like, share an album, look at all of these. Oh my god. And we giggle. I'm obsessed. Jesus. The hook twach girl? Can't. That girl is disgusting. Talk to, uh. I have it on my list. And now she just like has a podcast and has more money than me. Fuck you Austin. Seriously? It's cause we're bitter. I've been hock tooting for how long? In a what? I don't have a platform for it. For free? For free! I don't make a dime. In this economy? So now, I've hock toot, my lack hock toot. Okay? How does that sound like French? Also, a fad, people were just like hating on Blake Lively? Question mark? Yeah. That was weird. Yeah. And on JLo too. But everyone hates on JLo. Yeah, fuck JLo, sorry. I felt bad for you for a minute. No longer do. Okay, I have some more to go off of. Okay, go. So I have Brat Summer. Uh, pass. Okay, Emily in Paris. Pass. Same. Ass. Second season, ass. And I love Ashley Park. Oh, yeah. I love her, too. Obsessed with her. Think she is the fittest of the fit. I think she's stunning. Her outfits, her vibes, I just, I'm obsessed with her. Second season's so cringe. Yeah. I watched five minutes. It's like almost too, but I do get the like, mindless, hopeful core it gives. Like, I do understand why people like it. It's just not for me. I love Lily Collins, though. Yeah. Yeah. Yep, agreed. Mudang. Smash. In. Always in. Mudang is everything. I will also add as an asterisk, Pesto the penguin. He's also a smash. Pesto. I would die for him. It reminds me of, push me cause I'm too close. To the edge. From Happy Feet? Yes. And he's like. I do have Rob from Love Island. Which is just a smash. Smash. A smash. I can do no wrong in my eyes. I'm sorry. Wicked. The movie. Uh, TBD. Smash to the highest heavens of smash. I know, but what if it ends up being a pass? You don't know. I swear to God, Colleen. No, I'm serious. That is not the type of negativity I need in my life right now. That is not it. I think so far it's a smash, but like Smash, smash, smash, smash, smash. Ariana, I cannot start I cannot stop singing fucking Domingo. I Marcelo Hernandez, smash to the high heavens. He's a smash too. Something about Let me know if this makes sense. Ariana Grande currently is giving how Austin Butler was with Elvis. Why is she taking Glinda outside? Why is she Something's not right. I will say, Austin Butler, you know, hard method acting, right? Like, went into a hole. Yeah, what's happening with Ariana Grande? Ariana has been obsessed with Wicked since she was a kid. But why does she look like that? Because she has to, because they have to keep filming. Okay, that's fair. And they have to film scenes so she keeps her hair a certain color so she can just saying. It ain't right. I just miss old hair, that's all. Fair. Kendrick or Drake? Who? Kendrick Lamar or Drake? Oh, is there like something about that? Am I supposed to know? I don't keep up with rappers. Kendrick. Just say Kendrick. Kendrick. What Drake do wrong? Pass on motherfucking Drake. We will talk about that after. Okay, but I like his music. Katy Perry's comeback. No. Fuck off. Pass. Pass so hard. What a flop. I can't. The one I thought away is a really good song though. I don't know what it is, but she's just not it. I don't know what it is. She used to be put in a white room. A padded, all white room. It's a, it's a full pass for me. Nah, it's both full pass. I have Stephen the Pommel Horse King. Pass. Smash, smash, smash, smash, smash. His abilities on the pommel horse. Smash. Smash. Him? Pass. I have Haktua. Uh, the 90s and 2000s being a fashion trend that's coming back. Mm, kind of smash. I'm okay with that. It's just so wild to me, like, when Alex Earl puts on tube socks in like the shoe, the black schoolgirl shoes you would wear in Clueless. And it's like this is in I'm like this is so wild to watch. No, like when you go into we're old is what you're saying Yeah, yeah She's a pass. Sorry, like you go into party city or fucking halloween Whatever the fuck spirit halloween and there are whole costumes dedicated to the 90s and 2000s with like fake blackberries And you're just like I used that in college that like doesn't seem far off a blackberry like i'd have one now, but In the 2000s when we were kids, that was the 80s. That's true. Which is wild to think about. I, I don't mind the grunge coming back. I don't mind, like, the boyfriend gene coming back. I can't with the tube socks. Stop. No, I don't. Stop. I also have, like, we got cankles, dude. Like, I can't. I don't have, I have great ankles and feet ratio. Speak for your fucking self. Sorry, I shouldn't say we. We have backs. But when you put on a tube sock for me, it creates It's a sort of blend. It doesn't separate church and state. Yeah. We have fat calves. Yeah. So it's like. That makes sense. It ain't right. It ain't right. That's all I'm saying. We're not trying to highlight. No, we're trying to hide. Also, you gotta give the people what they want. They haven't heard wide back and low ass crack in so long. Got a wide back and low ass crack. Never gets old. Brianna Chicken Fry in the breakup with Zach Bryan. Pass, I don't give a fuck. I don't either. Oh, did I tell you actually? We were on The Bachelorette that I was just on. We saw her at one of the bars we were at in P Town. And, I know, I feel like when you don't acknowledge, like, she's just, like, living life and then I saw, like, people were acknowledging her, like, at a bar. Last weekend and selfie and she's like on a table. It's like it's like just don't like, you know what I mean? Yeah, dance monkey dance. She was like talking about it on the podcast. She was talking about her weekend I think I don't know. I didn't listen to it But someone told me and they were talking she was talking about how the girls like from like home or something We're doing chaperone karaoke and like that was us But it's just like we didn't just be normal like she's a normal person You know what? I mean? Like it just gives me the ick. I don't know Yeah, I think people give her a really hard time, in general. I don't know if it's all fair. Yeah, I mean, no, like, I feel like when you're a public guy, any sort of hate majority of the time, if not all the time, is not fair at all. Yeah, I would agree. People just like to hate, including me. Sorry, I do. But you don't go out of your way to comment on people or DM people or, like there are a ton of TikToks I see that aren't for me and I just keep scrolling. Yeah, there are people that like go out of their way to like DM her and like send her a voice mail. No, and like tell them to kill themselves and like go. It's fucking weird. It's insane. Yeah, I think people are having a really hard time and it makes them feel better to put someone else down and they don't see that person as like a human being who actually reads their comments or will see it. I think they're like, Oh, this is, or I don't know, maybe they do. I have never wrote a hate comment in my fucking life. I can never understand it. It makes no sense to me. I agree. Okay, this is my last one. The Freedom Trail, because you walked it. For the first time in 27 years. I'm so strong. Colleen walked the Freedom Trail in Boston starting with the hike up Bunker Hill Monument in 02129 Charles Town, Mass. I did tell your mother I had never done that. Right up to the small window. Yeah, that was not, it was not worth the view. No, it's a teeny tiny window and it's not even that high. Correct, correct. But you have to do it. It's like a rite of passage. No, yeah, like when I was in line, they were like, where are you from? And we're like, so here, my entire fucking life. Yeah. I have walked past this monument many a time. Hundreds of times. But, I told your mother that I had never done that and I was like Oh, you're gonna be really disappointed me and she's kind of like no what like why would I like, you know what I mean? Not expecting what and when I said It was like I had killed her first born But yeah, no it was I, I didn't feel bad when I got to the top. Like I definitely was winded and was like, Oh, I can definitely feel those cigarettes from a couple of weekends ago. For sure. That pen is really, yeah, it's hitting and it ain't hitting right. Fiona, fucking Fiona is like fighting for her life behind me. And I cannot walk. Not because my legs are sore, the back of my calves. I don't know if I just haven't used a muscle like that. Just fucking stretch Colleen. No, but it's like pain. Like if you just touch it, it hurts. It's the weirdest pain. Like, yeah. Yeah, like, that hurts. Like, I was going like this. I don't know if you noticed. I just cracked my neck. That's what you get. Karma. Like, this hurts. So badly. So I've been walking around like I have a friggin pimp walk, like swagger walk, like I don't fucking know, like, little swag. She was like, I'm gonna come in, she was redoing the pod room, and you did such a lovely job, by the way. I know we have some things to do, but I love these new microphone setups, it makes me so happy. For those who can't see us, we have no table, and the microphones are just like propped up in front of us, and so I can just sit in this chair and be happy. In peace. In peace. Arms free. But she came over and she was like I need you to not comment on how I'm walking and I was like duly noted. Also, Heather McMahon has a new comedy special on Hulu. I was thinking of her because she has thin ankles. She always talks about her thin ankles. So fucking funny. Can't recommend it enough. Love her. I do love her. I, she almost had me watching her on Call Her Daddy. I just couldn't do it. I still want to go on her cruise next year. It's like all the girls in the gays. There's drag queens. There's drag brunch. There's Everything there's Bravo people like it's just gonna be see you there. See you there But you know what we're on a floating rock in the sky and we're all gonna die anyway And it's like who fucking cares What if I want things left after me like hello like like what I don't know what are you thinking people Children? Heirs to my throne of what? You want children? I don't know. I've been feeling different lately. Yeah, you want I almost put on my ends list, kids. They're kind of cute sometimes. You I've been better about them lately. Calling Margaret Shannon I no, let me correct myself who regularly shit on children and people who have children in a, in a non judgmental way, but just like, your baby is ugly, I don't know why you're obsessed with it. I still stand by like, I can't. You know, I still stand by those statements. You want kids? I don't know. I think it'd have to be a person. Like I think I'd be, I would be totally fine not having children, but if I had a husband I'd probably want them. Like, of course I'd want something that was like half of me and half of the person I love the most. Like, that's kind of cute, you know? Oh my god, that's so sweet. But like, when you think about it that way, you're like, uh huh, okay. And then I probably would have FOMO, like once other people were doing it. And it's like, what? That's kind of annoying. So you shouldn't have children just because you have FOMO, though. But if I was having FOMO, that means I would want it. You know what I mean? I'm not doing it because I have FOMO. Okay. Okay. Like the FOMO isn't like, I'm left out. It's like, no, I'm missing something. Got it, got it. I don't know, but we'll see. There has to be a person that changes my mind, though. It has to be a man. Otherwise, I don't think I Yeah, I think meeting someone who you actually want to procreate with is important, and the person you pick, you know. Yeah, they it needs to be I mean, it's not like me picking it's who's picking me at this point No, colleen. Don't don't look at it that way It has to work both ways. But yeah, I'll let you know But I also i'm not one of those people I would never like seek out a child like unless You know, she keeps saying this thing. So claire the other night erin Erin was like, well you hate me if Claire comes to Tacos and Margs. And I was like, hey you, I'm fucking thrilled. Oh my god, little baby Claire bear, let's fucking go. So she came with us. She did not like the fajita smoke. I ordered fajitas, and when it put down on the table, she was pissed. And then she started crying. I was like, no, no, no, it's okay, we blow on it. And she was blowing on it. Everything she did Colleen was like she's so cute. I want to punch her in the face And I was like, can we just find a different phrase maybe for cute children? Like, oh, I just want to squeeze them like oh my god They're so cute that baby is so cute. I want to punch it in the face. I made friends with one at Mr Q's in Charlestown with one. Yeah, we did. We we it looked at me it and I looked at it Well, I didn't know what it was. I couldn't tell too little. Yeah to see boy girl. Yeah, no colors to be no bows Whatever, you know, but it was cute one Looking at me And then I looked back at it. It was cool. You are good with children. You don't give yourself enough credit where that is concerned. Yeah, I'm not inept. I just, like, get a little uncomfortable sometimes. Sometimes I just want it to stop, you know? Yeah, so the thing about parenting is it literally never stops for the rest of your life. Yeah, so no. So I don't know. No, but I like this journey that you're on. But if there's another person. If there's another person, you take it for an hour. Before I need a break. I need to disassociate. Yeah, before I kill it in you. We definitely need ADHD medication before we have children. For the record. Yeah, and maybe like a tranquilizer or something. Or sleeping pill? For the baby. Oh my god, no! I'm just kidding. There is baby melatonin now. Oh good. They're like baby gummies. It's good. It's tough, but it's good. It's tough, but it's good. Oh, I haven't heard that one in a while. There's a lot of, uh, repeat phrases you use that we haven't heard in a hot minute. I kind of forgot them. Another glorious morning makes me sick. I haven't said a hundred percent in like a really long time either Are you gonna tell the crew what you're gonna be for Halloween? No, it's a surprise. I can't wait I can't fucking wait. Oh, so it's I will never have a boyfriend. That's all. No, see this is this is what I have to say to that You'll find more of the person that you're looking for because of your costume, not in spite it. That's true. If I had an interaction with a man in this costume, I would be, I can't wait. I'm so fucking excited for, should I, for this try? You wanna kiss me in it? Yes. That should be your bucket list moment of the night. And you should tell people that I, I have to move part of it. To be able to do that, you should be like, I'm on a scavenger hunt. And my goal of the night is to kiss at least three boys. No, I wouldn't do that. That's gross. Why? Three of them? Ew. No, I've never even made out with a person at a bar. No, not tongue. Like, Oh, can I tell you something? Always. I've never, in my entire life, Unless it was like my guy friends and I like gave him a peck just like for fun like I would kiss On a dance floor? You've never DFMO'd? Sorry I interrupted you please continue. I know what that means but. Dance floor makeout? No I've okay so I have never just like kissed or made out with somebody. I've had sex with every single person I've kissed. Hold on. Sorry my brain just froze. I don't just like I would never just like make out with a stranger at a bar. I've never done that before. Oh. I did that for like, a straight decade. So I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do it. I've only, I've You just like, stop. No. Public? In public? No, I've never done it. Yeah, I mean, it's definitely something you do in your early 20s, like, the making out shit face in a bar thing gets old after a certain age. No, it was really awkward and like, obviously, like, weird. But you're 27, you could still pull it off. I wouldn't want to, I don't think. Yeah, fair enough. Yeah, no, I'm more of a Don't do anything you're not comfortable with. I'm more meant of a peck. Yeah, no, like, I kiss, like, I saw one of my guy friends from high school and, like, we gave each other a hug and I just, like, kissed him on the lips, like, just peck, bye. But, like, I do that, but, like, that's not, doesn't count. Is this person someone you're interested in? No, I just like, I don't know. Oh, that's a little friendly. It's a little, I feel like we could find a middle ground in between everyone I make out with I have sex with or I'm, yeah, just like my guy friends, like two of them I can name last name is Tom. I just, just a peck. Hey Every single person I have made out with I've had sex with I've never just made out with somebody That's wild to me not because i'm just having sex with everybody. I just don't make out with anybody I was gonna say that's a good thing to follow up with. Sorry family to everyone that's listening I have made out with so many people. I love a makeout. It's so innocent. It's so like There's no You can take it further if you want to I love a good makeout. I don't get anything out of that Oh my god fucking disgusting beer tasting tongue away from me. Oh love kissing big kisser Hard pass. Thank you. TFMOs out. TFMOs are fucking out. Freedom Trail is so fucking in. Paul Revere? Paul Revere could get this Poussoir, I'll tell you that. I'm just saying. One of by land, two of by sea. I'm saying. And I on the opposite shore will be. Alright everyone, well that is your long ass episode. Oh, I think maybe we can make it an hour. I'm like, bitch, I have a lot to fucking say. We'll see you in two weeks because we are now bi weekly. We missed you. We love you. We hope you're having a wonderful week and that you have a wonderful Halloween. It's very spooky and that you make out with someone that you want to. Yeah, and make sure, like, check them if they're wearing a mask. Like, make sure they're cute still. You never know. Oh. Don't be blindsided. It's like Cinderella story with fucking Hillary Duff. No one can recognize her cause she has half a mask on. Unless it's Chad Michael Murray. No, unless it's Michael Myers. Oh, then you don't have to look. It's fine. Colleen. Sorry. Respectfully. All right, everybody. Love you. Mean it. Love you. Mean it. Bye. My coochie is sweating. Oh yeah, for sure.

Speaker 9 1:57:19

podcast was produced by me, Bridget Shannon. Music is written and performed by Matt Derosiers. You can find his band, Super Stoker, anywhere you listen to music