What Wouldn't Martha Do?

On this week's episode,  we talk about our Thanksgiving, Bridget does a Wicked recap and Colleen's luck is NOT turning. Then we get into the topic of the week... MARTHA STEWART. Colleen does a deep dive into the upbringing, rise, eventual fall and comeback of the OG influencer. Martha. Is. That. Bitch. "Just because you don't have money doesn't mean you don't have taste." Hang it in the Louvre!!! 

Sources:

• MARTHA - The Netflix Documentary
• Wikipedia
• ChatGPT

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Transcript

0:24

I'm gonna be a mighty king, no king was before, working on my roar! That's the only thing I have in my brain right now. That's where rockin went. That was a really shit rendition. I just, I can only give so much. Oh my god, the drama. There's only, you're asking for too much, and there's only so much I can give. I'm just such a giver. Uh, you just got distracted by your own reflection for the first three minutes. I did because I had a little, couple loose bes on the run. Be has, be has. Sorry. You don't have those'cause you're perfect and you wash your hair. I don't, I do wash my hair. Yeah. I do tend to do that. We use the shame. Shame. We use the same shampoo conditioner. I just looked in your shower. Why do you like regularly look at it? It hasn't changed. It's still, are you expecting something crazy to eventually pop up? Yeah. I mean, yeah. Maybe You never know. Like I love. My favorite thing to do, especially in an Airbnb, is to go through the entire Airbnb from, like, top to bottom. Every cabinet, every drawer. I love looking through people's things. Why? I don't know. You could tell a lot about a person by, like, what's in their cabinets. Yeah, you're mentally ill. And their Venmo's, which I hate when people are private on Venmo. I could go on a tangent about that, but I won't. It's just none of your business. it is, you know? It's public. So, therefore, it's my business. That's my, those are my thoughts. You invited me in your home. I can look in your shower. Most people who have their I'm not like going through your bedside table. Like, I'm not a freak. It sounds like that's exactly what you do. No, no, I wouldn't do it to you, but like if I was in a public AirBnB, fuck yeah, I'm going through everywhere. If I didn't, the last AirBnB I was in, I would never would have found those cigs. And you know what, they came in a time of need. I'm assuming people who do AirBnB and put their house on a site like that aren't leaving massive dildos all over the place. No, that, correct. Yeah. Do I mean, like, none of the goods, what are you intending to find? I mean, I don't know, I took home a couple good spatulas, like. You steal spatulas? I don't know, they were there, you know. Did you use them to scratch your back like you did mine that I had to throw out? No, but if I used yours to scratch my back, I'd replace it with one I stole from the Airbnb. So, you know. That's also gross. Do you do anything that's normal or sane, do you think? I, I think that everything I do is normal and sane and I think that could be the problem. But that's just, that's just me. I'm just Ken. Hi everybody. Hey. Welcome to this week's episode of Sippin with the Shannons. We're cousins and every other week we sit down, we sip on some wine, we talk some shit, we have a good giggle. I'm Bridget Shannon. And I'm Colleen Shannon. So. So, we had Thanksgiving. Wait, do you know what we didn't tell the people? What? The people at home? What? We went to Chili's and did the triple dippers one night at Margarita's just for fun. Yeah, we did, but it honestly wasn't that memorable. I'm not gonna lie. Rude! I didn't get a triple dipper, you did. I got a chicken and cheese quesadilla. Oh, yeah. So, like, it really wasn't, like, this, this iconic moment that, like, you I loved it. Like, I felt at home, and I felt great, and I left feeling satiated and happy and all of the things, but it just wasn't, it didn't scratch an itch for me. Mmm, interesting. Interesting. How about you? I loved it. Okay, sorry, I didn't mean to, I guess I Chips and salsa. Margs. Can we do cheers? It's been a while. Sure. Thanks. Cheers. Cheers. Don't do it hard. I wasn't gonna. And We had Thanksgiving. It was awesome. Our entree, I mean the baked potato soup. Per usual. Oh my god, I didn't have any. Oh my god, I didn't have any baked potato soup. Well, you usually don't eat. I know, but I at least usually have the baked potato soup. Oh my god, that's so rude of me. Colleen actually ate this year. I watched it with my own two eyes. Okay, well ate like a loose term. I had meatballs and like a sliver of mashed. For the record, she usually just gags over all the food. That's fair. And I was certain you were gonna show up in a state this year because what did you do the night before, Colleen? Oh, I did like a self show. Okay, so I, I went to background, not that anyone cares, but if you, if you did care, I mean, if they're listening to this, they probably care a little. Oh, that's so true. She's such a Leo. She's such a fucking Leo. I went to private school. So like all my friends are from different towns. So therefore, like when you all go to like your hometown, like townie bar and you like gather and see all the people you've ever known your whole entire life, like I don't really have that. So we did like a little. Bar crawl situation and we got a party bus and we bopped from townie bar to townie bar. That's really all we did. We started at the Knights of Columbus and it's not the public. It was the private members area. Oh, the back room is just like Bright lights. All the debauchery. The townies of all the townies. And I was like, you know what? Like, we're in for it. The lighting is tough here. We're in for it. Yeah, you start off at 5 p. m. On Thanksgiving Eve at a Knights of Columbus. You're fucked You're simply fucked. The back room of a Knights of Columbus. Correct. Members only. I'm trying to think if you're not from Boston, a Knights of Columbus is like Oh, is that not universal? A VFW or a Just think of, in your town center, there's that hall that old guys get drunk at. It's that. Who was the Knight of Columbus? Reveal yourself. Someone tell me. Who the real Knight of Columbus? Please stand up. We do an episode on like the history of the Knights of Columbus. Hey listen, what if it passes at this point? Anything goes here. Anything that can go S W T S. That took you way too long, honey. No, I know. I had to think about it. Oh my god, I had a task at work the other day to alphabetize forms. How'd that go? I had to say the alphabet every single time. Like, the alphabet is hard, gang. It's hard. Okay, so I don't really even know where to begin with this one. No, it's not. But that's what that just gave me like the equivalent of like my brain has a process. No. Is it because I'm neurodivergent? So when you can't do something you need to just stop putting a diagnosis on it. I just couldn't even say that with a straight face. I know, it's because you know, it's you're so full of shit. Yeah, that is true. I just, people can do hard things. I'm strong. People can do hard things in the alphabet. The 26 letters you've known for a majority of your life isn't one of them. Wow. Oh yeah. I don't know. But that's why I did it on Thanksgiving Eve. So say the letter was S. Yeah. You weren't even like, okay, S T U V, or like Q R S. No, I'd probably start it like H. You would go A B. No, no, no. I'd probably go like A J K L U V O S Q R S. Or like M N O is a great halfway point. Yeah, right. How to do it too many times. Like, I heard S. Like, I was tired. Okay. Like, it was just not for So it wasn't the neuro divergence. I don't know. Something wasn't right. Divergency? I don't know. Just fuck the alphabet, dude. Like, why are we alphabetizing anything? Can't we have like a Isn't there like a system for that? Don't we have technology for that? Why am I hand doing this? That's all. That is all. Anyway, Thanksgiving was great. We took a pause in the Thanksgiving festivities to sing Sister Act 2, and you had no idea what the fuck was going on. Correct. My mother was upset that we did not know the three wise men's names. Okay. But the listeners don't know either. Come on. They don't. It doesn't matter. Truly. Turns out no one cares except for my mother. I do know what they bring. They brought gold, frankincense and myrrh. And my mother kept going, meh, meh. And without missing a beat, me and Colleen looked at each other at the same time when everyone was hashtag confused, confused. I have a hot take about Thanksgiving day. Okay. Well, maybe it's not a hot take, but like, I'm so sick with two things. I'm sick of seeing people posting their fucking plates. I don't care. We all eat the same shit. Two, your plates look disgusting. I'm sorry. The mix of turkey, sweet potato bullshit, and stuffing. It does. It doesn't look appetizing. I think I go with your first point more than your second because I enjoy the meal. Especially if you're going to post that shit on a paper plate, you should be shot. Get the fine china out here before you post it on Instagram. If you're hosting and you're giving out paper plates. Sorry. No, I'm sorry. We did that, but we were like, 25 and broke, and we got like, that's fine, but if you're like, a respectable family, which I'd like to think that like, we are, you know? Like, we're solidified Chan and Slay. We would be We were not using paper plates. Not in Audrey Terry's household. Never. Oh my god, no. Never. But like, Christmas Eve, that's different. We're eating Chinese. Like, that's totally fucking different. But like, Thanksgiving, like No, it's a meal. You're there for the whole day. The pilgrims are rolling. It's Thanksgiving. And I would say they're grays, but they're like in the sand, like, I don't know where the pilgrims are buried, but you know, like, sure, the plantation, the people on the plantation are quaking that we're using paper plates, probably, but your food just doesn't look appetizing to me and stop fucking posting a picture of it. It's not cute. It's not aesthetically pleasing. And it looks disgusting. I'm sorry. It does. Someone out there will agree with me. I'm sure they will. Thanks. That's all you nut. Like who's looking at that going? You know what now? Now that I saw that, yeah. I want to eat now. It's like that spurred me. That inspired me. And they're all touching. Oh, God, no, no, no, no. Do you know what? I think this actually is a hot take because I'm not a sweet tooth person. I would rather a bucket of french fries and dessert. Yeah, I agree. There's some sort of marshmallow dessert that people like heat up is my nightmare. The sweet potatoes with the marshmallows on it? Yeah, I think the marshmallows on top of it. It's like a side. Yeah. My absolute nightmare. It's disgusting. Why are they mixed? I don't like sweet potatoes at all, do you? I don't know. I do like sweet potatoes. Yeah. Ew. Why? What's wrong with sweet potatoes, Colleen? I just don't like them. Like, why wouldn't you want to have a regular good fucking potato? How dare you take our family food? A sweet potato? A potato, bitch. It's a type of potato. No, but we We survived a famine. Not on sweet potatoes. That was like a luxury. How do you fucking know? Can we go back to when you were quote unquote well nourished. I say this all the time, but I just have to say it again. Well nourished and fat like you were that bitch. Like, can we bring that back? Yeah, I think so. I think so. That's all. We can try. I was listening to an episode of Morbid today about the bog people. Yes. Did you listen? Yes, yes, yes. Okay, I feel like you do listen every day. And them saying like, oh, the person had great nails and they were fat is like, they were, they were that bitch of the time. Like, sign us up. Didn't have to wash their hair. Great nails. Cute fits. We all end up in a bog. Big hips. Yeah. I'm sorry. No notes. Oh my god. I gotta tell you about my hip. Oh my god. What happened to your hip? Wait, wait Yeah, okay. Oh, I have to unveil I projectile vomited at aunties and just kept it to myself. That doesn't surprise me Yeah, I know it was like a bit cuz it was I only had liquids like I had wine in the morning I had a coffee. I had so many mimosas at the Donovan's like I you went for it It was like the zemp with the liquid. Yeah, it was all liquid and I was like I'm actually if you touch me something goes hard and I was like I just need a moment and then a Karen gave me that nip And then I disappeared into the abyss. Yeah, I didn't get a nip. Which was fucking rude. I asked for you. No, you didn't. Yes, I did. You said there's only two, so I get it. No, that Call Karen Chan right now. Cause she handed it to me and I said, What about Bridget? And she was like, we only have two. And I said, I don't need to beg. Fuck her. Am I right? Whatever. You were yapping anyways. I was yapping, yapping away. No, what I want to talk about first is the last time we were here. You were talking about how lucky you are and how your luck turning. Do you want to share with the class what happened immediately after you manifested how your luck was turning? Yeah, it wasn't luck. No, it wasn't. I was having such a great day, minding my business, driving home from work. It was downpouring, I will say, but I was following the flow of traffic, which one does when it's downpouring, you know, I was 10 2, driving Miss Sally, Five to ten miles per hour on a, like a little overpass situation, there was a big puddle, everyone's slowing down, I got a little whip, she doesn't take puddles very well, it's like driving a golf cart in the rain. So I slow down and all of a sudden this man, this rude man, absolutely smokes me going 45, probably 50 miles an hour. And you can tell he tried to like skirt because it was his top left and my bottom right, you know? Yeah, no, no, he just wasn't. No, but he, he, he tried to move out of the way. He tried the last second, he must have realized. Yeah, I don't think he was looking at all because he goes, Yeah, I did not slow down at all. Sorry about that. And I was like, it's fine. I'm fine. So I pulled up and he said, are you okay? And I said, yeah, but like my brain is like, no, it's fine. Everything's fine. So then I was like, yeah, is it, is it bad back there? And he said, yeah pull over. And I was like, oh, I would have kept driving. I think genuinely. Like Colleen. No, I swear. On Spencer. Shape your car. Okay. So then we pull over. It's downpouring. And I get out and I'm like, I don't really know what I'm supposed to do. I call 911. Great. And he goes, and he goes, uh, it's probably going to be a long time. If you could drive it, I just would. Uh, okay. Sir. Well, okay, so it ends up she's okay, she's fine, so I can say this. Oh yeah, I'm fine. There's no fucking way you should have driven that car home. Oh no, definitely not. We will post a picture of what her car looks like. Absolutely no way in hell. I can't even believe you got home. The looks I was getting was so Fucking hilarious. Well, I did conference call a couple people to be like, what should I do? After I called 9 1 1 and they were like, basically kick rocks unless you want to wait like two hours. Well, they were like, it's going to be two hours with the traffic and the rain. It was Wednesday night at like 6. So it was kind of right at the end of rush hour. Yeah, I was in the worst fucking spot in Charlestown. You were in a really bad spot in Charlestown. And yeah. They basically, they were worried about you turning your car off. They were like, if you turn it off, we're worried it won't turn back on. Right? So he was like, have you turned it off? And you said, no. And he was like, if you can drive it, you should. Yeah. But my good God, this was not the car to drive home. I even asked the guy that hit me. I was like, do you think I could drive this? And he was like, why are you asking me? I don't know. No. And I was like, okay, well, I'm going to do it anyways. I called a state trooper friend and he was like, drive it until you can't drive it anymore. That's that. And I said, okay, sir, slay. And he said, if not, I'll come get you. So then I drove it home and I got some fucking looks, I'll tell you. So you were brought to the hospital because you had a concussion and now you have to go to physical therapy. Yeah, I got home and I was like, woof. I'm a little sore. And Fiona's like, get that ass, get that ass in the car. Also funny, but not funny. We can laugh about it now. We got in the car, our one and only car at this point. Erin's is totaled, mine is now totaled, and Fiona's been driving her car since college. That was at one point duct taped. So we get in said car. And the power steering light comes on. So that's basically like you can't move the wheel. You have to push like you have to manually do it. So she's like putting her full weight on turning the wheel. And we drove, we drove that car to the hospital at 20 miles an hour on the highway in the pouring rain. Me, we just couldn't stop laughing. We didn't even turn on the radio. So I arrived there, uh, they put me in an X ray. We might have to post that picture too. No, we can't. Now that we know that you're okay. Yeah, it's fine. Well, the thing is, I knew I was fine. I was just, like, doing what I know you're supposed to do and also, like, Well, you, you had a concussion. Yeah, yeah. You had to go to the hospital. Yeah, so I just, like, don't take things seriously. So, like, in my brain, like, that's not, like, a thing. Like, I have the, I have no Okay. So Alright, I only, like, it's fine. I'm good. But, they put me in a neck brace and a wheelchair. And I, genuinely, I, I felt rude in the moment. But there really wasn't anyone in the ER so I felt better about it. But we, I could not contain my laughter. Like, I was just like, this can't be, my life is a joke. Like, this can't be real. I'm not sitting in a neck brace and in a wheelchair. And I'm like, fine. You know what I mean? Like, there are people that are like, quite literally dying. There's like a child screaming. I felt so bad. And one of the nurses came around the corner and was like, I just simply need to know where the laughter was coming from. Like, that doesn't happen much around here. And like, I was like, I'm, I was like, I'm so sorry. I just like, I have to laugh or I'll cry. Yeah, this is where we're at. I to be rude. And she was like, no, no, no, it's fine. You're good. But I was just like, I couldn't even find a good angle to like lay. The beds were very comfortable, might I add. Very cozy. Can we just say? What? God has favorites and we're not some of them. No, we're not it. Oh, no, absolutely. We never say I am so lucky ever again. My luck is turning. That happened the day after. No, literally, I'm never saying that ever again. Okay, great. I'm never saying I'm getting good karma. I'm yeah, we're manifesting luck. We hope we are lucky. Yeah, we are not expecting luck to turn expectations very low point nonexistent bar is so low. It's in hell. Yeah, like I'm expecting the worst. I wake up every day and just I know. Okay, well now now we're swinging the pendulum. Oh, no, I wait. I'm waiting. But, and when nothing happens, I'm happy. That's how we're, we're living life at the moment. Uh, no, guys, I'm, it's fine. I do, I'm going to physical therapy because I am, uh, taking legal action. Uh, not the point, but they are sending me to physical therapy. And I did go one time for an intro and this man, God bless his soul, uh, we went through the whole thing. And he's like, you know, feeling around being like, does this hurt? Does this hurt? Blah, blah, blah. I'm like everything hurts. It's giving genetics. Like he touches my back. He's like, yeah, that's one big stiff muscle, huh? I'm like, yeah Yes. She has boobs. She has boobs. She has a wide back. She's holding the weight of her ancestors with the hay. Like, I don't know what to tell you. And then this man looks at me and says, did you not know that one of your hips is completely out of place? And I was like, no. And he's like, how are you not in pain every day? I'm like, I probably am, I just ignore it. I will say though, I obviously wasn't going to say this to him, the only time I ever feel my hip actually have a sharp nerve pain and like I have to jump up is if I'm on top having sex. And that's the only time I've ever felt it and I knew there was something wrong with my hip. Because it's not where it's supposed to be, Kully. And at that angle is where it, it like, gets. Yeah, pops. Yep, in case you wanted to know. Just a fun fact about me. I'm a hundred years old, my hip pops out while I have sex. Okay, but you can fix that. Yeah, so it's never, it's never bothered me enough. So the fact that he said it and confirmed it, I'm like, oh, I'm not crazy. I literally have hip out of place. You were like, while I'm here, can you help a sister out? Okay, he noted it. Yeah, and we're gonna, yeah, I have to go to PT three times a week for the next month. Oh my god, Colleen. Gang. Gang. Gang. So that's all. That's a little bit about me. How about you? Ugh, I'm good. Uh, the backbone of my household recently has been Sean, our cousin, and my friend Leanne. Who we called it daddy's day and she came over and hung like new curtain rods And I put up really beautiful curtains and we put in sconces and it has made my room How fucking cozy is my living room? I want to live there and never leave. It is so cozy. The coziest I I don't know why if you're thinking about doing something new to your apartment or your house and you're in a room and you're Like, huh, this could use a little zhuzh Might I recommend A solid curtain rod with some curtains and a sconce. Works wonders. It's, it has changed, I never want to leave. No. I love when you say zhuzh. Zhuzh? Yeah, I love when you say that. Oh really? Yeah. Do I say it a lot? Frequently, but not like over the top. But I like it a lot. I think the people do too. Oh wow. Keep going. I like how it's spelt. I have no idea how it's spelt. Z H U Z H. Wow. You should see her face right now. I would've spelled it like J U J J E apostrophe. I'll just add a feta. When in doubt. A little accent. No, but they came over and Sean fixed my washing machine. It has been broken for months. I've been Just leeching off of people. I'm like, Erin, I'm gonna babysit. Can I bring all of my clothes? Leanne, I'm dog sitting. Can I bring all of my clothes? Any chance I could get? And so him fixing it, and her, and they got to meet, which was cute. So I like ordered everyone food. It happened totally by accident that they were free at the same time. Oh, slay. So they came over. I ordered a food. We had some drinks. We, uh, Shot my quality of life up to a hundred percent and we went on about our merry ways So shout out to Sean and Leanne and then Leanne and I obviously went out in the town and we ended up at the Green Dragon and we ended up making friends with everybody in the bar I noticed where you were because that is what we do and then we had Thanksgiving They have good live music that night. Great live music. Oh, I stole the set list And I don't know why I was being such a hard o about it I kept folding the note down every time they finished a song so I could only see what was left And people were like, hey, what's next? And I was like, yes. I was that bitch. No, I hated it. I was like, guys, I recommend going to the bathroom in the next song. It's not that great. Oh my God, Bridget. So drunk, having a time. Yeah, I did, I leaned in in a funny way. I wasn't being serious, but I was like, You guys, guess what song's next. Or, we met a group of guys, and I would go, Oh, the very first note, I would just say the whole song, and they would be like, How the fuck do you know all of these? I was like, I don't know. Cause I'm perfect. I'm just really smart. I just know music really well. So silly. So then we had Thanksgiving, which was great. And then the day after Thanksgiving, some of the aunts and uncles, you had to work. I get Black Friday off. So a bunch of my aunts and uncles went to my mom's house. It was very fun. They brought all the leftovers. We got second day meatball subs. So good. I missed second day meatball subs. You missed second day meatball subs. You didn't like put one in your purse for me? What? Colleen, a meatball? A chicken finger? Sure. A meatball? Yeah, there could have been proper container for it. No, they were gone. Me and your dad, for chubby Irish people, we love a fucking meatball. We love Italian food. Yeah, we really do. Uh, and so we had second day party, you know, Aaron and the kids came, it was great. And at one point, Aaron's best friend Molly stopped by, and she has three kids, but she only had one with her and his, Charlie. Charlie is so cute, he's so small. He was just born this year, so he's only like seven, eight months old. And Danny and Claire just were like staring at him. There's someone smaller than us? Baby, baby. And I was like, yeah, that's Charlie. And Danny and I had just been, like, spelling stuff. And he goes up to Charlie and he goes, Do you know how to spell H O T T O G O? Shut up, King. It was so funny. King. It was so fun. Do you know how to spell H O T T O G O, Charlie? I was like, I think he's still a little too little. I think he might be too young for chapel. But yeah, Charlie and Claire were like making eyes at each other and I was like, we must make this happen. We must. Manifest. Manifest. Yeah, for sure. And then that weekend, Erin and I saw Wicked. Let's hear it. I'm ready. I'm dialed. Okay. Okay. We literally cried for three hours. I'm not exaggerating. I know I say I wept I weep. Oh my god. I'm weeping I say that a lot we cried for three hours straight by the end of it I was so happy, but I felt like I got hit by I was exhausted. Yeah, I like a headache it is so incredible. I Cannot even begin to explain to you how amazing it is It's the most fun I've had in a movie theater in a really long time. I went back and saw it last night. I have not enjoyed a movie experience so much in a very long time. And I love movies. It is so fucking good. And obviously they casted it perfectly, right? And the soundtrack speaks for itself. It's a bop, right? Barely any skips. I'd say maybe one or two skips. Really? Everything else, yeah. Yeah. Something bad doesn't really do it for me. That's fair. Insentimental Man doesn't really do it for me. Okay. But all the other ones, big fan. The soundtrack was obviously going to be amazing no matter what. But the set, in the costumes, in the choreography, Bah! In the toe ography, Glinda's toe is like a paid actor. It is, you will love it. There are so many Easter eggs to, Wizard of Oz and the original Wicked and there's cameos and it's really hard to take a film that people have loved literally since the 30s for nearly a hundred years and then take one of the most top grossing Broadway musicals of all time, it's been around for 20 years now, and make a movie that makes both parties happy and they knocked it out of the motherfucking park. Cynthia Erivo is not of this earth. She's just not, the riffs coming out of that woman's mouth. She sings, obviously like the end of Defying Gravity in the way that she does it is amazing. She sings in I'm Not That Girl. She sings Live Limb. And Limb is the full scale, full singing scale. She's just sitting on a park bench. Yeah, she's just, Colleen's shaking her head at me. Just like, uh, in disbelief. Yeah, sorry, we're, we're, we're horrible, I forgot. Yeah, no, it's not something my brain can't compute. And the fact that they just, like, sing it live, like, you know. Oh my god, and she, in Defying Gravity, it took her over a year, she's in a harness singing while she flips upside down. I just, no, like, I can't even step up on these chairs, let alone. Yeah, we struggled earlier. Yeah, it's like, what? No, she's incredible, and Ariana Grande is wonderful. She's not Ariana Grande, she's Glinda. Yeah. No, she is. She has been method acting. Truly, like, the comedic relief to, she's so funny. Glinda played the wrong way. You could hate her and she's a bitch. You love her. You can't help but love her because of the way Ariana Grande plays her. I I just can't get over the singing and how good it was in the way they sing together. Jonathan Bailey should be arrested. Why? Because it's, you can't have that much charisma. Can't be that attractive. He's so handsome. You can't dance like that and sing like that and be allowed to walk on the streets. Women are gonna attack him and he's gay. And I was gonna say, I, I thought that was the point we were going to The gays get him. It's upsetting. Like it's so upsetting. Just like, don't be gay for us. Come on. Yeah. Be, be gay for us, just for us. He could have chemistry with literally anything. Like at one point he swoons a teacher, like no one is safe from him. Mm-hmm. No man, woman, child, or animal is safe from this man because he has a horse who loves him because it's also the horse he used in Bridger tin. So in real life, oh is it? The horse showed up on set. Set and he goes, that's Jack, isn't it? It's his horse from Bridgerton, and he knew right away, and when he went up to him, the horse nuzzled him. That's cute. That's wholesome. I did not know that. Because of course, Jonathan Bailey has chemistry with a horse. I love him in Bridgerton. Wow. I mean, you buckle the fuck up. Not ready. Buckle the fuck up. Gotta see it. He came on screen, and he started to sing, and I looked at Erin and I was like, I don't need a bank account. Like, I don't have to drive a car. I could give up a few rights. I'd give up anything. There are some privileges I would be willing to give up. Yes. Yeah. The fact that they're even like thinking about like, I guess. Yes. No, but I was like, I'm, he's my 13th reason. I must have him. He makes me feral. I don't know what else to say. That's fair. Perfectly don't say that about a lot of people. So that means Jonathan Bailey makes me feral. Yeah. He's so goddamn charming. Anyway, Bo and Yang. So good. Okay. He has a few one liners, and a lot of it was improv. He is so fucking funny, and I won't give any of his one liners away, but I loved him Thank you for that. We ride at dawn for baby Nessa Rose and baby Elphaba. Okay, baby Nessa Rose I I could die I would I would ride at dawn with her tomorrow morning her on the red carpet She was so right in the ruby red slippers with her little hand on her hip and a little peace sign I'll kill myself. I, I can't. In baby Elphaba on the red carpet said, they said, who do you want to be when you grow up? And she said, Cynthia. And she said, because she's so nice and she's so brave and she has a beautiful voice. Kill me. The last note of the wizard and I could resurrect me from Any death in any timeline. Good to know. So if you're you're ever worried, just play the Wizard and I, Cynthia Erivo version. I show up at your tombstone with like a boombox. Yeah, like say anything where you say, John Cusack's outside the house. Yeah, it's absolutely incredible. The Ozdust Ballroom is so sad, thank God, popular, happens immediately after that, because you need it. The Ozdust really, really got me. I mean, I'm Not That Girl is so good, but if you love Wicked and you actually know how it ends, the actual saddest song of Wicked is No One Mourns the Wicked, in the parts that Glinda sings. I think, I think part two's gonna wreck some. Some people. Some Zoles. Like if you don't know what's coming. Yeah. You're about to get fucking rocked. Figgety. I have two notes. Okay, bad notes or good notes? Just like a, uh, I wish. Okay. I only have two, though, of the entire fucking movie. That's crazy. And honestly, like, there's so many opportunities for that to go wrong. So many. In everything. Like, when Cynthia Erivo is singing The Wizard and I, at one point, she kind of hops, and in the distance is a rainbow, and birds start to fly up. They're the bluebirds. Bluebirds fly over the rainbow. Every opportunity they got, To, to easter egg. They did. So in popular, she's dressing Elphaba, Elfie, now that we're friends, right? And so she's getting all these shoes She holds up ruby red slippers and clicks them three times for there's no place like home in the middle of the song Yeah, like there's just all these little Wicked even when the movie title pops up right at the very beginning it is in the style of the Wizard of Oz It's the same font Universal used their old 1930s logo at the beginning of the movie. Like it's just, everything was done so fucking well. It was done so well. So thoughtful, so kind. There's more things that I want to talk to you about, but you have to see it first. I actually refuse to ruin it. You have to see it. Okay. So I'll be very excited. Back to my notes. Oh there is one thing that I know about, but like obviously I thought it was going to happen. Would be just like the cameos like obviously me and Erin I go I know what this is like I said their names in case someone hasn't seen it I said what was happening and Erin didn't see it coming. Oh, she didn't know. No. Oh, I knew yeah And so we were so excited I would be more excited to see Erin. Oh, at one point we were holding hands. Cry. We are so deeply unwell. Deeply. But it's okay. But it just means so much to us. No, it's not a bad thing. It's a good thing. We had a spiritual experience. Like I said to her, that was a core memory for me going with you. No, yeah. Of course it was. And us experiencing it in spoilers. Like truly the weekend it came out. Just the best. It was the best. We got drinks before. It just was, we got regals. Oh my god, what'd you get? An Italian sub. Oh, what does Erin get? Erin, well, she gets a, I think she got an Italian this time, but she likes a bunch of different things. Okay, cool. It's Regals, what can you not like? That's fair, I'm just, just also, we both like the pasta salad. Mm. They have really good pasta salad with feta. Mm. So yummy. Yum. Okay, my two notes for Wicked. One, in the musical, they put on green glasses for Wizzamania. Mm hmm. To see the show. In The Wizard of Oz, they're wearing green glasses. And, in the book, I believe they're like locked to their faces, interesting. And, what it actually is, is the Oz, spoiler alert, so skip ahead if you don't know Wicked, the wizard, has no power. And so he makes them wear glasses, because I think he says something to the effect of like, you can't see the wonder of Oz unless you have these glasses on. But what he's actually deflecting from is he didn't turn anything green, they're wearing green glasses. And the reason why I was bummed this wasn't in the movie was because when Elphaba gets there she doesn't look any different from anyone. Right. So in the movie everyone is the color of their skin except for her. But in the movie that makes her still an outsider in some ways. Even though the buildings are green, she's still green, whereas in the book it's like everyone is green. So no one knows that she's different other than that she's amazing because she has these powers. Understood. So, that, I was like, ugh. But I also get when you're making a movie, how lame it would be to make everything green. Like, how visually unappealing that would be. They definitely sat down and talked about it and were like, it's a no for me. Yeah. No. And we're not even going to do it for Wizzmania because a big cameo is going to happen at that part and we're not going to ruin it with green shading. Like, that's crazy. That's true. And they're not going to CGI everyone green either. That's also crazy. Fuck this is, Avatar? So anyway, I was bummed but I also, I get it. The second note. There are a few songs of Cynthia Erivo specifically where they break up the song. I'll take, Defying Gravity is the perfect example. If you know Defying Gravity, there is such a build to, to the end. Sort of cut it really fucked up. And so they break it and they give her spaces in between to keep the storyline moving and they show different, let her cook. They almost like broke the momentum, and they don't really let it. Get build up. Yeah, what I mean like it's building and then it's like shows you a scene of another person Yeah And then it builds and then it shows you something else going on and then she hits the high note and then they show you other stuff in the movie ends Namaste now mind you is defying gravity absolutely fucking incredible as she flies through the air and the background and it is Unbelievable that song it just again just wake me from the dead with that song Dialed in. So, lack of momentum on Defying Gravity and just some songs. Could have been better. Okay. Just let her cook. Let Cynthia do what Cynthia motherfucking does. Do her thang. In the green glasses. Otherwise, I cannot recommend it enough. It is so good. It is so beautiful. It, you know, it was Shannon's favorite so we feel really attached to it because my mom called me crying after and she said the first time I ever heard the word shiz, Was Shannon because she said and I was like what the hell is that word and she was like, oh my god It's from this musical wicked and then she goes into her whole spiel And so just from hearing her sing it around the house to then seeing it to this is full circle Yeah, it was like she was there with us. It was really it was really something. I loved it I honestly even the songs that you would skip over Technically like one short day for instance It's a great song. It's not everyone's like, top, top, top favorite for the most part. Yeah, it's not on the radar, really. It is, but it's, it's not usually one of the most popular songs you hear. Pun intended. And as it started to play, I said to Erin, They can do so many cool things with this, because there's only so much you can do on Broadway with the, it's This actual Oz itself is so fucking cool, but they do like how they picked yellow for the road. Like they give you all these little, that's cool. Their walk down the hallway to Oz where he's at the end in the mechanical face. So iconic. I can't believe we have to wait a year for number two. I cannot believe. Yeah, that's upsetting. What am I going to do for a year other than learn all of the choreography and watch it over and over and over again? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, great. Uh, sidebar. And then we'll get into the topic of the week. Oh, I'm, I'm chillin We're hangin The day after Thanksgiving when we had the, the party that you were at work at, Ara and Susie and Uncle Paul were in town, who was actually Shannon's parents and our cousin Gretchen and, I almost said Gretchen and Colleen, Gretchen and Brendan's parents as well, and we just started chatting and we're yapping and we're drinking wine and now we're on hour like eight. My god, not of drinking wine, but like yeah, but time flies by when you're talking especially to auntie Susie like yeah You're just yapping away. Yeah, it doesn't it feels like five minutes. I'm getting the tea on all the all the things, right? So I just say to her in uncle Paul. How did you guys meet? Okay, because I knew that they met I thought it was for your mother. Yeah, it was in Charlestown. Okay. Basically, if you're not from this area, it's like a community center where all the kids go. And both my mother and my Uncle Paul worked there, and Auntie Susie needed a job. And that's how they met. But I was like, how did this happen though? Because Uncle Paul's from New Jersey. So like, how, how did you come here? Like, how did this all go down? And so Uncle Paul and Auntie Susie. Tell me the cutest story you will ever hear. Okay. So, Uncle Paul moved to Boston with his brother. His brother was already here, and he messed up the rent, and he was like, Oh damn, I thought it was 800 for the summer and it's 800 for the month or like whatever the price was and he called Uncle Paul and he was like, you got to get down here. You can split this with me. You finna move? Yeah. Come for the summer, see how it goes. So Uncle Paul comes, loves it, stays for years, right? So he gets a job at the community center where my mother works and Lisa, my mother's best friend Lisa, who we are obsessed with. They're working together when my mother gets a call that my aunt Susie needs a job and at the time she was dating my dad They had been together for a while though. So she's like come on in an interview We'd love to have you so aunt Susie sits down for an interview with uncle Paul Oh, and she said it's the hardest interview she's ever been in and I want you to keep in mind This is a city community center. So we're not talking like Kids who Kinder care. Sit and be quiet. We're talking about feral animals. We are talking They're bouncing off of the walls and they don't give a shit what you have to say. You know what I mean? They're not listening to you. And so, in the interview, Uncle Paul said, Listen, we're about to have February school break. If you want to start, you can start on Monday, and if you last through the week, you can have the job. Good luck to you, essentially. Prayers up. And by Tuesday, she had everyone wrapped around her finger. Just completely enamored with her, which makes sense. She runs a daycare. She's incredible with kids. So she gets the job, of course, and she is actually dating a guy named Paul, who's a douchebag. Okay. So that's douchebag Paul, and then our Uncle Paul. Just pausing for nine seconds. Yeah. Your mom one time I think maybe had told a story like the same timeline. It was like, yeah, not how they met or whatever, but she was like, Susan was a thug magnet. And I was, I just thought it was fucking hilarious because if you knew our auntie Susie, like it would never pay. The nicest, most wholesome, the way we talk about our grandmother, I'm going to do the exact same. Like I love watching her make her tea. Is that weird? Oh, it's so, we were sitting on the couch on Thanksgiving. I was watching her in the kitchen, in the kitchen. Oh, you're just watching. It's very wholesome. Yeah, because she had Nana's cup. Yeah. So I was watching from afar. I didn't say anything, but I was just watching. Like, she is just not what I would expect your mom to be like, Oh yeah, she was a thug magnet. No, she's so wholesome and pure. And so she was dating a thug named Paul. Ironically. And so they're working together. She's dating thug Paul, and Uncle Paul is crushing. Okay. Crushing hard, right? So, one night, all of the people go out for drinks after work. Yeah. I believe they're in Somerville, and this is back in the day when you didn't have phones. At some point, Auntie Susie told Thug Paul she was gonna be at this bar and tavern. I was gonna say, how did she contact him? And when he shows up, the only ones left are Auntie Susie and Uncle Paul. They stayed behind to chat. And they're like making eyes at each other and just like crushing so hard and Thug Paul comes in. Gasp! And is like, I see what's going on here. Buh And Auntie Susie basically was like, kick rock with open toed shoes. Like, get out of here. see her saying that. She was just like, nothing's going on between the two of us, leave me alone. Yeah. Like, knock it off. How old were they at this point, I wonder? That's actually a really good question. I don't know, like twenties, mid twenties? Okay. I think. Okay. Just, just. Early mid twenties. Give some context, you know. So auntie ends up breaking up with thug Paul. Okay. And she just graduated Northeastern, she moved home, which is why she needed the job. She wanted to like get out and about. So our Uncle Paul writes a letter to her house, our grandparents house, and basically says, I'm crazy about you and I want to take you out. But if I'm overstepping, I'll quit. Like, I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I don't know if you feel the same way. Let me know. I'll quit. I'll quit. I will literally give up my job. Bridget, where are they? If you're uncomfortable. Bridget, where are they? Where are the Uncle Pauls of the world? And so, she reads it. And she's like, completely just Imagine. No. Imagine getting that letter in the mail. No. Imagine getting a letter, period. I'm sorry. Oh, my God. That isn't a bill. That isn't a bill. That isn't a bill. Or a fucking mascot, or some toll. Most people pay their toll. Whatever, I got one from New Jersey from like four years ago. National Grid, leave me alone. Yeah, leave us the fuck alone, we're trying to find peace. Ugh, I actually got a bunch of Christmas cards today. Peterson's, your Christmas card is very cute. Can I see? Emily. Emily and Matt, your Christmas card is so fucking cute. Yeah, it's on the fridge. Why do I want, I want one from the Petersons. Like, I feel like I'm their silent number one fan. Do you know what? I'll send you a picture and you, you can do what you want with it. Okay, cool. Hillary, if that's okay, I don't want to be sending pictures of your children. To me, it's not safe with me. Yeah. Just kidding. Anyway, yeah, I'll show you on the wall. Cool. And you are a huge supporter of the Petersons. I am. Number one fan. I mean, same. Same, same. So anyway, so back to Aunty Suzie and Uncle Paul. So she's tickled, but she doesn't know what to do, and she goes up to my mom, and my mom's like, well, do you like him? And she's like, yeah, I do. And my mom was like, go for it. You should go for it. Imagine if her mom was like, no. Imagine how the story would unfold if she said no. So anyway, so Imagine if his brother just didn't fuck up the rent. I know. There's so many, what do they call that? Invisible strings? Yeah. There's so many little intricate bits here. And so, one day, they're at work, and he doesn't know that she's read it yet. Oh, okay. He, he, it like got to her quicker than they expected. Yeah, because what? This took like fucking three weeks for her to get there. It's not carrier pigeon calling. They're on horseback. Sorry, Auntie, please. Auntie, do not take offense to that. They pass Paul on the way. Sorry. Is Paul Reveal actually Paul Newell? I knew you were hiding something from us. I knew it. I knew you came from New Jersey for a reason. Oh, good lord. Sorry. So anyway, sorry. Sorry. Uncle Paul, Dante. Susie, I'm totally butchering your story. So one day, again, it gets to her quicker than she thinks, and Uncle Paul needed a ride home and she drove him home from work sometimes. She said that was like not a uncommon thing. Like she would do that. Yeah. And so when they got to the house, he was like, have you read my letter? And she said yes, and then they started dating and he invited over her over to cook for her and so it gets better So auntie and uncle Paul start dating. Okay, and Auntie Susie was invited to a wedding and she plus one thug Paul The thug Paul's on the picture uncle Paul's in the picture. She just like swapped out wholesome Paul. Yeah She swapped that wholesome Paul right in there. Okay. Took thug Paul out so that she's going to the wedding. And before she leaves, Nana is like, Oh, it's just too bad. Like you couldn't go with Paul and things didn't work out with Paul and you have to go alone now. And I don't think Nana liked thugs. I don't think she did. Or if she did, she just didn't know what was happening. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. And auntie Susie lied. and was like, yeah, that's too bad. And she just wasn't ready to be like, mom, I'm dating another Paul. Like I'm dating a new guy. And she left and she's like, I felt awful. Like I wanted to puke. I can't believe I just lied to her. I never lied to my mother. You know, that's just not a thing. So they go to the wedding and as they're leaving the church to go to the reception, there's another church coming out of it is Nana Olson, our great grandmother. And she sees that she's just standing there and they're like, oh my God, Nana. So they talked to her. Introduces Uncle Paul, they chit chat for a while, and they go to the reception. And they don't know this, but Nana Olsen went home and called our Nana. Because obviously. And she didn't mean to rat. She was like, oh my god, I met Suzie's boyfriend today, he's so nice. And our Nana's like, what the fuck? The fook? Suzie? The fook? Nana would never say what the fuck. Oh my god. No, so at reception. My dad is buying everyone drinks They're very heavy pours. It's the Knights of Columbus Cuz obviously is of course and so they were drunk. They were like drunk drunk And so auntie Susie was like I slept at your uncle Paul's and I woke up so violently hungover And so I get home the next day and me and Nana get into a fight because I lied. And she's like, and so Dee Dee finds out, our grandfather, and he says, you will not date a man who does not own a car. They, they will come pick you up at this house and they will come in and introduce themselves and look me in the eye and shake my hand. Like you are not dating a man who doesn't have a car. So Auntie Susie, after having this wonderful night, is now like, Well, I'm gonna break up with this guy. I lied to my mom and I got caught. Like, just feeling all the feels. Super all over. Daddy, I love him! For real. Erin will be so proud of you for that. And so, she's like, what do I do? So she goes to Uncle Paul. And she tells him everything. She's like, my mom found out and my dad won't let me drive or date a guy who doesn't drive or have a car. If you tell me that uncle Paul just bought a car for her, he said, well, I guess I'm buying a car and he bought a car. And every Sunday Nana and Didi would host Sunday dinner and all of our moms and dads would go. And every Sunday, uncle Paul would swing by and pick up Nana Olson. So she could go too. And so Nana Olsen started to love Uncle Paul. And my mom already knows Uncle Paul and has been doing Sunday dinners. My aunts and uncles on the other side, like my mother's siblings were invited to Sunday dinners. And they would do that every Sunday. And they fell in love. I'm upset. Is that not the nicest thing you've ever heard? Where the fuck are they? Yeah, wholesome Paul's Love you so much. Is it aren't they the best? Yeah, they are I love watching them. I like I just feel like when I watch them from afar because I'm a creep they're in love Yeah, they're true Like hold her back when like they walk in a room like make sure she's right there Opens the door like he you know, I mean like just look it's the little things it really is you don't lose those Yeah, they're the best and they don't go unnoticed gang We love you Uncle Paul and Auntie Susie. Thank you for telling me that story. I loved it. I believe in love. I had to, I had to share it with the class. I hope the, the peeps at home feel warm inside too. Yeah. Warm and fuzzies. One more thing before we get into the topic of the week. I am watching a show called Slow Horses. Have you ever heard of it? It's on Apple Plus. No. I don't, I'm not cool enough for that. I saw Valerie and Walter and Walter was like, Do you watch this show? Best recommendation ever. I absolutely binged it. There are four seasons. It's like six episodes. It's thriller. Twists. Turns. Everyone's a bad guy. It is so addicting. I cannot recommend it enough. Alright, give me your lie in. No. Why? Because you will use and abuse. Don't tell me to watch it in the night. Well, I thought you already had one and I know you and I know you're gonna go in and buy no car. Or no money. Oh my god, the drama. You're gonna buy a bunch of movies. They're bad for me. No, I wouldn't do that to you. I would not do that to you. You do that all the time to other people. I'm more scumbag. No, I don't do that. I don't buy other things on people's accounts. We literally have it on the record. That's the thing about a podcast. Oh, you know, I said that I didn't know whose it was. I think it's Olivia's. She's fine. So, you know me. What's, what makes me any different than the scenario you just brought up? Yeah, but if you were giving it to me, I wouldn't, like, one, I'm not stupid. Two, I wouldn't do that. I ain't no scumbag! Anyway. Two things. One, I ran into Tom Holland. Sorry? I ran into Tom Holland. I saw him. Physically? Yes. Mentally? Spiritually? Uh, from afar. We were this far away. Oh, so you didn't, you saw Tom Holland? Yeah, well I ran into him, you know? No. Just not physically. That's not, no. No, like when you run into somebody, like, at the grocery store. Like, I ran into Tom Holland. At Prima. Okay. In Charlestown. You know what? I'm going to let you have this. Great. That sounds awesome, Colleen. It was great. I hope you locked eyes. He looked like he was having a divine time. A divine meal. And he's very sober. So just know that like I was hanging out at the same places that Tom Holland was at. That's crazy. Is it good? Is it yummy? Oh my god. Bridget, we have to go. Isn't it super expensive? No. Weren't you there for work? No, we just went to dinner. Oh, okay. It was like nothing crazy. Yeah. Like, someone I work with, like, knows the chef. I don't know why I thought Primo was wicked expensive. No, it's like an Italian restaurant. And when we were leaving, we were in the back room, which is, I want to live there. You would die. It's so fucking cute. Oh. I have no words. It's Italian, of course. But when I was leaving, there were like, like there was like young people at the bar. Like it was like a bumpin bar. Right, right. So. The place to be. They give bread. That's all you need to know. You know I do love a bread. But Tom Holland was there, so we're all, we're cool. Uh, other thing I have to mention is I dipped my fucking dress in my pee today. So. When I was in the bathroom. Oh, that's the worst. Isn't that so upsetting? Yeah, that's the worst. What'd you do? I just kept it moving. Because what does one do? It's the only thing to do, really. The damage is done. The damage is done. Was there at least a blow thing for your hands that you can I don't give a fuck. You just walked out still dripping? Yeah, well, it was a long dress. You saw me when I came in. Oh, okay, okay. For some reason, I was picturing short. And I'm like, Colleen No, I was in a long dress today. Okay. It was dripped on the floor. Yeah, it was very long, so it just did a I also found a chicken tender crumb in my bra. So do with that what you will. I'm not surprised. I did my Amazon returns at Whole Foods today and I bought one singular chicken finger just because I wanted it. Okay, was it so yummy though? I love doing that. Clearly there was leftovers in my titties, so. But I love walking around and having Like a snack while I shop.'cause I hate grocery shopping. Yeah, no. I, the woman at the Amazon returns at the Whole Foods in Charlestown. No. Legitimately knows my face. Like what? Yes. I'm there multiple times. You have Magic I'm there multiple times a week. Like I RC Purse, midweek. No, I don't go there. They're$9 there. You gotta go to Market Basket for the the rc. Oh, you go to Chelsea?$4. Damn. Four fucking dollars. I got two of them the other night. Uh, also the soup thing. You would like my soup. It's not real soup. I'm just not a soup girl. It's Arcee. It's a vessel. No, there's not really, it's not really liquidy at all. It's like a stew. It's like a stew. I can fuck with a stew. It's hella Arcee. Celery, carrots, onions, broth, and garlic. I prefer a stew. So it's a stew. Stews are hardier. There's fucking pasta noodles in it. Yeah, I don't, I just not, uh. I'm just going to drop some off and you have to eat it. No, I don't want that. I made a whole crock pot. Like someone needs to eat it. Bring it into work. Share it with the people. I like to share with people I like. Okay, well, no. Whatever. If you have french fries, bring them on over. No, because those aren't good. They're only good fresh. Anyways, any fucking ways. I saw a thing on TikTok the other day that had me like rolling and giggling. So I did my own. You know how people say like nightmare blunt rotation? Yes. Nightmare wicked cast. Lea Michele. No, she's not even on it actually. Oh, well. Okay. Nightmare Glinda. Galinda. Sorry. Tori Spelling. Oh, that's an interesting one. Alphaba. Yep. Wendy Williams. Oh, Wendy has dementia. Okay, so doesn't everybody else we know? It's okay. Yeah, it's a bummer though. Dementia's a tough one. She would still be a terrible Alphaba. Dementia, no dementia. That's true. That's very true. Uh, Fiyero. Matthew Morrison. Oh, my God. How dare you even put that into the ether? That, that suggestion. The Wizard. Yeah. Jojo Siwa. Karma's a bitch. I shoulda Gay pop. Just playing it on non stop. Oh, my God. Bach. James Charles. The only other one I have, Nessa Rose, is a tie. Complete tie between Abby Lee Miller Or Joey King. I love Abby Lee Miller because of that one scene of her that I love where she backs up in the chair. What does the girl say? You, you preach theater etiquette. Get off your phone. And she just put it down and she skrt skrt. So I say Abby Lee Miller. Also I saw there's a wicked funny take talk today and if you don't know how wicked ends I would probably skip ahead just for a hot second. Someone commented the house couldn't come fast enough on Nessa Rose. Fair. Fair. The house could not come past enough. Wow, that was good. I appreciated that. Matthew Morrison haunts my nightmares. He's not well. Not well, not well. Anyways, gang. Topic of the week. Martha motherfucking Stewart. Oh, I'm so ready for this. Guys, like, I wish I could explain to you my feelings. Martha should be like Cher. Like, when we say Martha from here on out, we don't mean one person. No, it is. It's just Martha. There's no reason to say Stewart. She is Martha. Martha Inc. Well, we'll get into it, but Martha May, who the A? Martha May! Hi! Hot take, I like her better in Mamma Mia than I do in The Grinch. The Grinch. That's not a hot take. Really? No. Okay. That's not a hot take. Maybe that's what people correlate her with, but like, if you know, you know. Uh, I correlate her with Chicago as well. She's excellent in Chicago. Sorry. So this is my brain. It's not my brain. No, no, no. Mamma Mia is top, top tier. If you don't like Mamma Mia, and it's like not on your like top ten, like I just don't. I just don't. You know? Yeah, we're not. We don't see each other as you would say. See each other. I don't know. Okay, anyways, Martha Motherfuckin Steubert, sources, didn't really use any other than Wikipedia and the Netflix documentary that I watched four times. You liked it that much? No, I, I, I cried. You cried over Martha? Yes! Justice for, guys, we'll get into it, let me just say. Like she is the original influencer. She is that bitch. She is everything to me. And my first child, Martha. Sorry! Dog? Martha. Dog. Martha, cat, fucking fish, Martha. I don't care. She, justice for her, she needs to be honored. She was, think Betty Crocker, but like not Betty Crocker. She had a different energy. She turned business woman. And like, I know, I'm the first person to always be like, No, like, I'll never leave the house. I don't need rights. I don't need that shit. But like, she makes me feel differently. She is incredibly assertive. She is the definition of a boss bitch. No, she's self made. Yeah. She's self made. She's a hard worker. Very assertive, very direct, figure it out. But, like, I'm not bothered by her being so direct. No, it's just, she's amazed. Did you see her? She makes homemaking, like, this powerful Yeah, it's not, like, Suzy Homemaker or Betty Crocker. No, like, she fucking hates aprons. Yeah. That's bananas! I will say Iconic probably a hundred times this episode and I'm not apologizing for it. No, don't. What were you gonna say? Sorry, I cut you off. Did you see her on Drew Barrymore? Drew Barrymore was doing her thing where she's Like crawls across the fucking couch and pets you? Yep, so she's across the couch and she's petting her arm. I really like Drew Barrymore so it doesn't bother me. Yeah. And they're talking about dating and like physical connection or something or whatever. And Martha goes, you're the wrong gender. And just goes and gives her a shoulder, just like a, not a shove, but like a, in Drew Barrymore like falls back on the couch and everybody laughs. Yeah. But she's literally petting her, and it's so clearly not going well. No, it's not, it's not, you, Drew should know better. I would know better. I think, I think that there are certain people you can do that to that don't care. Yeah. And there are others that do. And it was very clearly not, it was not for Martha. No. And she just gives her a little boop. In the shoulder. But the thing is, I wouldn't be offended. I'd be like, no, I, no, you have to take that on the chin. You're the one being weird. No. Yeah. And just you're touching someone. Nothing she could do or say. Like I would be like a, I would be like, oh, she's a bi. Like I would be like, no, you're right. I'm sorry. I don't know what it is. Is Martha your RuPaul? I think so. Wow. I, I think so. Wow. Because like we'll get, we'll get into it, obviously, but I was also just thinking, you put Ariana Grande, Cynthia Revo, Andrew Barrymore on the same couch. They will be in each other's skin. I'm just saying. So she actually. I think this was yesterday. Oh the the wand I saw that the original Glinda one. That was that Yeah, she she touches both of them because cynthia and ariana are touching each other always Yeah, i've seen so many tiktoks like why is this cynthia revo and they're like holding space They're like their legs are intertwined. Like well, I guess it's a coping mechanism and when ariana granda i mean feels emotional, she likes to just hold something. That's fair. And so they just do it almost like out of It's like subconscious at this point where in an interview gets emotional and she, Arianna will grab her hand or it's, it's actually quite sweet, but I'm also a, I'm a touchy person so that doesn't bother me. Are you? Yeah. Oh yeah. We don't touch. Yeah. That's because you go too far. Oh sorry. You, you're not cool about it. I don't know how to tell you that. You're not chill about it. I don't like when men touch me though. See that's weird to me. Yeah. I'm very touchy in a relationship. Yeah. Hmm. I don't like it. Like when you were like talking about, well you can cut this out if you don't want me to talk about it, but when you were talking about someone like rubbing your feet, I was like, uh, uh, no. A foot massage? Ooh, don't touch my feet. Look at my fucking feet. You want to Well no, I wouldn't touch your feet with a toothpick. You think I want someone My feet are perfectly coiffed at all times. My feet might be the prettiest part of my body. You know how Heather McMahon says it's her ankles? Yeah. It might be my feet. Yeah, they're so dainty, they're so small, they're the skinniest part of my body and always have been. This is why I'm so clumsy, because I walk on fucking stilt toes. Don't touch my toes with your toes, you sicko. Not into that. Anyway. What were we just fucking talking about? Martha. Oh. The girls though that they connect in how I'm touching. Oh yeah, I did see something like a TikTok obviously and someone commented and was like, why are they literally fingering each other in every single interview? I was like, why is that hilarious? But like, obviously you don't, I don't agree with that, but like, yeah, fucking hilarious either way. Yeah, fair. Anyways, can go on a wicked long spiel. Whatever. Like all I'll say is in the doc, she starts off by saying, I could cry. She says, if you want to be happy for a year, get married. If you want to be happy for a decade, get a dog. And if you want to be happy for the rest of your life, get a garden. Put, hang it in the Louvre, dude. Hang it in the Louvre. Everything she says, I'm like, yes, yes. It's so funny. I was, I, they interviewed some 100 plus year old woman recently and she, they were like, what advice do you have for young people? Like what has kept you so young and healthy? And she was like, don't get married and drink beer. And she just says it so matter of fact. She's also like, she comes off that way, but like also, she's a girl's girl. Yeah, she is. And she also, everything she does, she makes attainable for like, the common woman. Like, it's not like you need to like, live la Like, she makes it She's not trying Like, Kim Kardashian and the Kardashian clan, they're I would argue that their brand is that they are out of touch on purpose. They're not, they're not trying to be one of the people. They want you to aspire. She literally is like, and she's not doing that as like a smart marketing. Like she's like, I want to be able to have someone that just like works at the grocery store to be able to come home and do this for their family. Yeah, amazing. Like, chills, dude. Chills. Anyways, I'm getting sidetracked. I guess I'll start from the beginning instead. Yeah, let's start, let's start from the jump. Before I start revealing all the good that Miss Martha has done for us. In this fucking country. Have you lost the fucking plot? Yes. No, like, I'm obsessed. Like, I'll go to jail. Anyways, Martha Helms Stewart, my girl, was born in Jersey City, New Jersey on August 3rd, 1941. Of course, she's a New Jersey girl, too. Had no idea. Love her even fucking more. When she dies, I'm gonna be devastated. Colleen, just No, because I'm, I'm thinking 1941, like, I'm like, holy fucking shit. Like, she's approaching. She's, she's giving Betty White. I hope she's like, Cockroach style never dies. No, she definitely is. She's definitely because she's been just like eating whole foods, you know, we'll get into it. Okay she is the second of six children and her parents martha and edward. They're cool. They're chilling They're just the normal they're very much like they give our exact family like they are our color. Yeah class They're both teachers, but her dad ends up becoming like a salesman. Yeah back when he gets older, whatever pharmaceutical specifically They're polish, but they're also good catholic wholesome family. Okay Very poor. Grace was her confirmation name in case you wanted to know. Queen. Her parents were simply fucking obsessed with gardening. Fun fact. Her dad specifically, which is weird to me. You would think like the mom would be like out in the garden. No, he was fucking obsessed with gardening. Oh, that's wholesome. I mean, was it? I don't know. Gardening? I mean, I think they also like needed to garden to like pay for food. Oh, they were using it for their veggies. Yeah. Cause there were six of them. There's six children. Too many. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Respectfully. Yeah. So she was also the favorite child of her father's. So the gardening thing was something they did together. They were super alike. Oh, that's really nice. He was a perfectionist. But he really wasn't that wholesome. TBH. Oh, he was a perfectionist, but she was too. So I think this is where her perfectionist attitude The type A. Kind of came from. Comes from, yeah. But she was the favorite of all the siblings, for him at least. So she was very passionate about her dad. Sure. He Might have been an alcoholic. May or may not. Unconfirmed. But she did say that he started his day every single day with a cup of coffee mixed with red wine. Oh, I would say if you're drinking it every morning, that's pretty Mixing it in with your morning coffee, either like Power Move or Red wine's so because usually you would do some sort of Like a Coke with red wine. Yeah. Coffee and red wine is very interesting. It's like, just, can you throw some Baileys in there? That stain on your teeth, I would be a nut about whitening my teeth every single day. Yeah, I can tell you this Polish king did not give a fuck. Six kids, he's luckin He's like, except my fuckin teeth, if they rot out of my face, I don't care at this point. So she like, and you know how Martha talks, like she's very like, matter of fact, casual. So she's like, he might have been an alcoholic. Shrug, shrug. Shrug. Who cares? Okay. Alright, girl. Pop off. Wasn't fucking everybody during that time? I mean, I was gonna say both of our dads were, so. It's like that whole time you were talking about Auntie Suzie and Uncle Paul, I'm thinking, hmm, where was my dad? Oh, I don't know. Being an alcoholic down in the South? That's exactly where he fucking was when this was going down, so. Lord. Anyways, They also were super old school, so like, if they weren't gardening right, or if, you know, they weren't listening, they weren't doing their homework, they weren't doing shit, like he would beat them. He would physically beat them. Like, super old school. Old school. Get the ruler whip your ass type of thing. Yikes, but also that's very much of the times in my opinion It is it is but it's just shitty. So they were getting a little slippity slap. As a family though, they were super poor. They relied off the gardening and off of like, they all had jobs. All the kids had jobs. The dad though, he was very hard on himself. if he wasn't bringing home the bacon, like he was taking it out on them. He was drinking. He was not happy. He was very much miserable. High stress. High stress, but also like, Just like figure it out. Don't take it out on your fucking kids. It's not their fault Yeah, if he wasn't doing it like well at all, which I think in the sales, he really wasn't doing great great doing well dog Yeah But Martha's mother though. She was sweet baby angel very much. Nana energy She taught Martha how to cook how to sew how to do everything but Martha loved the watching her in the kitchen. She was enthralled with like the way she did things. Loved to watch her. Loved to help out. But she knew even watching her like I don't want to be this. I don't want to wear an apron. I don't want to be a housewife. But I love everything. All home tings. Gardening tings. My mom has always said that women make houses homes. There's a way that a woman like I watch Auntie Terry move around the kitchen the way you explain Auntie Susie making her tea. Yeah. Like there's just something about it. Women just have a A juge. A juge. They have a way. That was the wrong juge, but you know what I mean. They just have a way. They have a spark. Yeah. Sparkle. Yeah. If you will. So, from the beginning, she knew, Martha herself knew that she would have to kind of make her own way. She knew, well, one, I'm poor, so I gotta figure the fuck out, and also I'm the second oldest of six. Yeah. No one's helping me out. Yeah. She had a concept of a dollar. You know what I mean? Yeah. But she wasn't mad about it. She was more, if anything, motivated, in a way. She was an independent baddie from the very beginning. Like, when she was ten, she started off working immediately, and she was a babysitter for the children of, uh, Mickey Mantle. Oh, shit. Yeah, right? Mickey Mantle and his wife had four sons, and she watched them, babysat them, nannied them full time, all four of them, and she organized all of their birthday parties. Oh, that's cute. Who would be good at age 10, can you, that's just crazy the independence they had. Yeah, that was crazy. So that's where she started, like, oh, I love this. Yeah, I'm hosting, I'm organizing, I'm doing all these things. She got her perfectionist OCD. Yes. Used even at age 10 to like plan these parties and she was obsessed but also she was like doing it to help her family out. Right. She, after she was 10, at 15, she starts modeling because she was stunning. I actually watched it, but it's, it's been a couple of weeks and I, it was one of those things that you put on the background and you're just on your phone. So I didn't really pay attention. She I saw those pictures. She's beautiful, beautiful, like beautiful blonde. She's beautiful now. She didn't touch her hair. That hair was natural. Damn. That's crazy. Damn. Stunning. I didn't see what the rest of her siblings looked like, but they had good genes like her. Yeah. But she also like talking about her dad and was like, he was so handsome. He was beat, sorry. I could talk about him like that because he wasn't that nice to her and also he's not No, Phillip Hamilton. He was, and also like, imagine just being like, my dad was so handsome. That was the one thing I didn't love about Martha. I'm like I find that really weird when No, it's giving trauma. Are you okay? That's weird. We just, we all want our dads. Like it's fucking weird. Yeah, that's so I'd be like my dad's cool. Like I don't know. Yeah, I love my dad He's such a great dad to be like my dad's hot. He was the most handsome father Come again some grass. Is something okay? She just did the blowjob move With her fucking fists up against her cheek. Sorry. Sorry justice for martha. I did not mean that. I love you martha You don't have to look up. She's not dead. Stop talking about her like she's about to die. So she's a model. Okay. That's what you need to know. She started to bringing home the fucking bacon. You know, she's popping her pussy at the modeling agencies. Not actually, she's closed. I'm sorry. No, she has too much respect. She would literally never do that. Order for Lord V. Where did your brain just go? I was thinking about pussy popping, and you flashing a room. Oh, that's fair. I went to go see my oz oh, sorry, I'm I'm not drunk, I just had something in my throat. Oh god, I just look like a turtle. I went to see my oz epic lady the other day, and I walked in and she goes, SIPPIN WITH THE SHANNONS! And I was like, oh, I can't fucking hide from you, can I? We're a household name. Yeah, yeah we are, baby. At the clinic. At South Shore Health, baby. I don't know if that's what it's called, I just made that up, but like, whatever the fuck it's called. We're in there, Monique. Monique. Shout out Monique. Shout out Monique. She's making us skinneh. I'm like, give me 10 percent off or something, I'll get you a code, a discount code. Can we start selling pictures of feet or? Sponsor me, Monique. So she's 15. She's slaying the modeling agencies away. She's in a bunch of commercials and in magazines including Cigarette advertisements. I'll kill myself To be imagine your icon imagine if they still had cigarette commercials, I would pay Colleen They're fucking horrible for you. No, I know but it's just like oh, come on There's something kind of iconic about it. I really want to go to Paris when I get I want to get a cigarette holder We haven't told everyone you're going to Paris. Oh, but I mean, it's really I'll talk about after I know but you're going to Paris I want to buy a cigarette. I want to find like a cigarette holder We were staying in Paris Get away from your parents. Very two different ways. I don't know what that was. That's why I have to do my. Oh my God. I cannot wait to hear about Paris. I just, I'm so on like, it's your first time. You're going for like four days. I've never flown over the ocean before. It's okay. It's really okay. Just drug yourself. I'll be by myself. You drug yourself. I'm spending time in your favorite place. Also, Iceland. I, I'm not kidding you, a chill just went down my spine. No, I know. I was waiting for it. I fucking hate Iceland. I only have to spend, I only have to spend an hour there, unless I miss my flight. Do not check your bag. No, I'm not. Carry on. Don't you dare check that bag. I, you think my anxiety, I would ever do that? Well, I just thought that you would bring 75, 000 outfits. No, yeah, but I can make it Mark. Trust me. I can make it work. Okay. Okay. Cigarette advertisements, that's where I left off. Cigarette ads, like, how fucking iconic. If there was an ad for Amar Bread these days, I want to be on it. Ew, no. It's gross. Okay. Michael, do I do anything that's good for me? Woo! Yeah, you, you're so skinny. Yeah. You work out 45, 000 times a week. Yes, you do. I inject myself. You also do that. And I work out, and I work out all the time. You work out a lot. No, I've actually been really off the wagon lately. You walk a lot though. I mean it's been cold out too. Yeah. You're usually like an outdoor. I've been a lean mean eating machine the past two weeks. I'll tell you that for fucking sure. That's the holidays for you. It's fine. It's fine. Tomorrow's a new day. Anyways, she's doing all this shit during, I'm doing her a disservice for justice for her. She does all of this throughout her college years too because she needs to, and she sends all of her money back to her parents, to her, to her mom, to the kids. So that way she can, you know, Make sure that they're, they're eating good. Like, she's not like keeping it for herself, you know? Right, right. She attends Barnard College of Columbia, and she wanted to major in chemistry because she's a smart bitch. But she actually ends up switching to art history and then later architectural history because she's so fucking cool. And she was so chic walking around in her little Bermuda shorts strutting around campus, this tall, fucking beautiful blonde. Like, imagine wearing Bermuda shorts and it being cute. No, no, I literally know I can't even possibly think how like princess Diana would wear like shit that you wouldn't be like, yeah, that's such a good example. Colleen. That was Martha. Got it. She was just strutting her stuff around fucking Barnard. How tall is she? I think she's like five, eight, five, seven, five, eight. I could be absolutely telling you a bold face lie, but I'm pretty, let me look it up. Oh, she's 5'9 so she's an inch taller than me. Okay, cool. Yeah, so she's So, like, tall for a woman. Tall drink of water for a woman. Her genes were gening. Yeah, for sure. She was super fascinated by architecture, that's why she ended up majoring in historical architecture, or whatever the fuck it was. Architectural history, whatever the fancy word is. Because of a man, but we'll get into that later. Mmm. She paid her way through college by modeling, still. She was still modeling at this point. She only made 15 an hour, which at the time was, Huh. And she modeled for Chanel. What a queen. That's how stunning she was. Yeah. Humble queen. And then, again, she still was sending her money home. She paid for her own college and then she would send the rest back. Oh, kind of her. Bad bitch. When she's in college, she connects with this guy named Andrew Stewart. Long story short, it's this girl, she makes friends with this girl and she's like, you need to meet my brother. He's in law school at Yale. I think you'll love him. Blah, blah, blah. And he's still finishing his law degree, so he's still actively in school. And she. Was smitten. She liked that he was worldly, he was You know, he was unlike anybody that she knew in her current life. Like, she grew up poor, you know what I mean? She was, like, enthralled with this man. She also, straight up says, he had an American Express card, and I was about it. Respect. A hundred percent. Respect. Yeah. So she really, even though she doesn't want to be out of touch, she does strive for the finer things. I think that's why I respect her. Because she owns her the way she grew up. She understands the value of a dollar. She's still She also wants more. She's still down to earth, but yet she, Guess what she wants. Right. And she knows what she wants and she just does it. Very, very cool. Obsessed. So she visits Andy every single weekend at Yale. She takes the train. She says, in the documentary, and I was laughing out loud, just so casually, he was the first person I slept with and he was aggressive and I liked it. That's it. That's all she says. Just, doesn't even blink. Just obsessed. Okurr. So they, spoiler alert, they get married. They get married in July of 1961. Her mother makes her dress for her. It so stunning, timeless, classic. She wore one of those hats with the veil that goes in front of your face. Kind of like what you would wear in black to a funeral, like a bougie funeral. Do you know what I mean? Yes. Stunning. Look, you can look it up if you want some context. I didn't take a picture of it. Oh, is it this? Yeah, it's a really terrible photo. The one they had in the documentary was color. Wow, she looks stunning. Oh my god. Just a classic girl, her mom made the dress. Oh, wow. Okay, cool. They go, yes, so old school. Yeah, they go on a five month honeymoon through Europe, all around Europe. They bop around as listen, as one does my dream. She has no like No worries, she's got a man, and Europe, and a black card, and an Amex, and all the fun things, and she is just living for it. She's 19, also, for context. 19 years old? Yeah, she's 19. Holy shit. Yeah, 1961, she was born in 40, yeah, she, so she's 1920. Yep. Jeez Louise. And she is Having the time of her life. She sees the world in a whole new light. She's, she's overwhelmed, overstimulated, if you will. So she goes to visit the Duomo in Florence by herself because Andy, dickhead Andy, does not want to go. And she said, well, I want to see the people, yeah. Going to Paris and not seeing the Eiffel Tower. Yeah, because he's just like, I've been there, done that. But she's like, ew, no, I want to go explore. Yeah, we're not fans of Andy. Spoiler alert. We don't like him. Fuck him. I don't really think she ever really was either. I think she just liked the idea of him. But that's just me. She never says that. But yeah, that's the vibe you get. Yeah. I just think he was in the right place at the right time. Like I think any person with that, with his demeanor. She was looking for whether it was the right thing or not. Also, what good decision are you making at 19 years old? I'm saying, have you, has your frontal lobe even? No. Yeah. No, in women's, spoiler alert, women's forms much, much faster, but no. Yeah. Not at 19. No, absolutely not. And he just saw like a stunning blonde he could probably manipulate, whatever. Yeah. Spoiler alert, he can't manipulate her. She a baddie. So she goes to the drama by herself and she's just taking it all in. It was literally, Like a scene out of a movie, and she's there, she's looking around, and she sees this man, and she's staring at him, and he's staring at her, and they're just looking at each other from afar, and they approach each other, and they just kiss. Just an absolute stranger. And Up. Yeah. They, and she just is, it's this, she says it's this emotional, powerful moment. They never spoke, they never, it was just like it was all in the moment. And she says, you know, it wasn't infidelity, it was emotional. And that's that. And she just left the Duomo. I am shooketh. She left the Duomo and she just went back to it. And it was just like, an experience like no other. She just, just loved that answer. She's 19 also, cut her a break. Yeah, she wants to go make out with someone. Whatever, she's caught up in the moment. Yeah. Whatever, fucking live her life. She's seeing the world. Yeah, so they finished their honeymoon. She goes back. She actually goes back to Barnard and she gets her grad degree, finishes her degree because she didn't finish when they got married. She just kind of gave up on it. And then she gets a double major in history and also architectural history. So she's a double, double whammy. I mean, respectfully, what the fuck else does she have to do with her time? Like she doesn't have a kid. She doesn't have a kid yet. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She's hanging. Let's finish your degree. Yeah. Let's double it up also. You got nothing but time on your hands. And money. I was going to say, now that you have all that money. Do whatever the fuck you want. Do whatever the fuck you want. Oh, gang, she fucking does. So, she has a child. Their only child. Her name is Alexis. She is born in 1965. So, they married in 1961. Now, 1965. So, she's 24, 25 right now. Martha was not the most motherly. Like, she loved her daughter, obviously, but she wasn't, like, obsessed. I remember this. She didn't have that, like, maternal. She didn't, like, coddle her. Yes. She just wasn't, like, Lovey Dovey. Right. Which I think that alone explains Martha Tuati. She's just not, she's just not a doting. Yeah. Yeah, no. She loved her. Obviously. Obviously, you're a child. Yes, but she doesn't, she didn't like dote on her. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. She talks about how when she grew They didn't talk about feelings, which is Relatable. our parents, like, We didn't, they didn't talk about those things growing up. No, we bury them under the rug, And then when we get into an argument, We bring up every single mean, awful thing, Inhurtful thing we've ever thought in our lives. Correct. From 20 years ago. Or we just let it like, deteriorate our souls. Right. Yeah. Cause we don't talk about it. So they didn't talk about feelings. They didn't hug. She even said, her own mother said, I don't think I hugged Martha enough as a child. Which oddly enough, I just, I don't think that that, I think it was again, of the times. Like, one time my father said to me, like, Grandma didn't hug us. We didn't hug. That was like his number one person in this life couldn't have loved him more but like it's so weird They didn't that's crazy to me. Do you know what I mean? Like they love a hug. Yeah, so it's just that's so weird to me It's so weird. they just weren't they weren't like my parents in your parents to weren't aren't touchy. No No, no, not at all. Very Irish. Yeah, they don't hug each other. They're like, we show you we love you by doing it. We don't tell you. You don't have to hear it. No. That's weird. No, no, no, no. We don't do that shit. What's my number one love language? Words of affirmation. Second, physical touch. I wonder why. They do say that whatever your love languages are are the opposite of what you received as a kid. Mine are completely on the mark. Yeah, that makes sense. I don't know what mine are, but So yeah, no feelings growing up. She was missing that part. Her mom didn't hug her enough. It's a whole thing. So now it's 1968. We get that she wasn't loved as a child. Sure. Uh, anyways, now she's bored. She's like, I have this kid. She's like, I have this fucking kid. I'm not obsessed. What do I do with it? What do I feed it? I'm not a mother. I'm not a housewife. Fair. I'm bored. I'm fucking bored. Yeah. So she says, I hate passion. I'm finna fuck up Wall Street. So she's like a stockbroker kind of sounds cool love to dabble in that sure and she does it She's like why the fuck not fucked around and found out she joins Wall Street. She joins. She was a stockbroker whole ass stockbroker She is surrounded by men. There was not a woman inside. She was the only man at this brokerage I mean only woman only man only woman at this brokerage. Okay She killed it. She, in one year, 1968 was the year for her. She was making quarter to half a mil. Just herself. Holy shit. Men did not like that. Of course they did. They had been there for years. They don't like it now, let alone then. And this tall, bitchy blonde comes in. And she is just Not trying to be a trad wife. Yeah, clients loved her. Clients were like, my broker's taking me out to lunch and it's fucking Martha. Are you kidding? No, I would kill. Yeah, they were. I would go get a drink with Martha. Yeah, it was crazy. And just talk shit. Yeah, she could just do it all. So she did that in one year. She learns a bunch about finance, learns even more about herself. Dealing with men all day, every day. But I feel like that's her in her element. Yeah. Like the challenging, the fact that no one, Probably believes in her wants her to do well. She's probably like fuck you guys watch me Yes, sell you all to shame in the documentary was like you guys think you know what goes on you have no fucking idea what? I dealt with she's like you have no idea. Oh, I can't even imagine. Yeah, so She does that in 1968. The amount of cocaine. Just picture the amount of cocaine. No, I know. Like fucking Wolf of Wall Street times a million. Yeah. A trillion. Yeah. Yeah, she goes, yeah, she's just sitting with her legs crossed. You have no idea. Not a clue. You have no idea what went on in those cars. Tell us everything, Martha! I'm like, spill the tea, write a, write a tell all. Yeah, for real! I want to be on the book tour. But then she gets bored again. Okay. She's like, nah, not really like this. I'm, I'm sick of the men, and I'm burnt out, and like, I don't like this. So after that year, she quits and she moves the whole squad out to Westport, Connecticut and that's where they purchase the iconic property on Turkey Hill Road. That is the setting for everything she's ever done. Other than until she buys a house, but we'll get into that. Everything is in this house on Turkey Hill Road. It's iconic. It's this gorgeous rundown farmhouse. She completely renovates it. And I also would like to know that when she bought this house and is renovating it, she's like turning on the radio. Check it out. It's Watergate. Shut up! No way! She talks about Watergate in the documentary too. No way! She's like, I remember. Sneaky dick! Yeah, she goes, I remember, like. painting the, uh, all the walls in the farmhouse with the radio on it. All, all it was, was Watergate. Yeah. It was the only thing they all talked about. Oh, that's so funny. Full circle. Yeah. So she renovates his Gorgina farmhouse. It takes her a while. She is bringing a new life to this area of Connecticut, which is all very like hoity toity bougie snobby people. She has chickens and fucking roosters and all these things. And people were calling the police on her being like, my neighbor has fucking chickens. This bitch is crazy. And she was like, so what? Like, do you want some eggs? Like, she did not, she did not give a fuck. God bless her. So, at the time, she's still with Andy, because, boy, they don't end up together because, obviously, he's a piece of shit. So, he is the president of, uh, some very important publishing company that wrote a bunch of, that was a part of a bunch of famous books that, like, I'm, yeah, it does, you would know what they were. I don't fucking know. Okay, great. Also, I don't care because he sucks. Okay, great. So, because of this, she, they're both around really, like, important people, right? So, she's hosting. Them at their home. So she's in charge of all of that. People come over and she's in her fucking element, 10th birthday planner. She's doing the thing, organizing. Yeah. So she, she just see things, sees things differently and has this whole ass perspective into hosting and like homemaking. It's completely different. Yeah. So she's doing that. She's doing her thing. And one day she wakes up and says, I'm going to start a fucking catering business. Cause why not? Because why the fuck not? Like she's having these, I don't know, Exquisite, insane events. Yeah. Hosting. It's so crazy that with enough money in the right amount of confidence and delusion, you can truly do whatever the fuck you want. But mind you, she's crazy. Like, she is so perfectionist. That's what I mean, like, OCD. It's not healthy. No, it's not healthy. The confidence mixed with the delusion. Yeah, that's fair. Like, the delusion of I can do anything that I fucking want. I, I'm gonna wake up tomorrow and start a catering business just because I said so. She went We would never. We would be sick to our stomach for three weeks just thinking about I can't even wake up in the morning. I'm like No! The thought of getting up and walking to the bathroom? Woof. Such a wild combo. I'm cold and I didn't get REM sleep last night. I gotta go. Oh my god. It's so cold right now. I hate it. My heat was broken. Yeah, can we not? It's 28 degrees outside, Kali, you need to fix that. I was on my hands and knees, which, mind you, I only get on my knees for Where she belongs. I only get on my knees for one reason, and it's not to light the fucking pilot of the heater. Yeah, she can do anything the fuck she wants, couldn't be us. She goes from gardener, model, mother, to a stockbroker, to a home renovator, to a high class professional caterer. This woman is insane. Yeah, that's, I mean, the amount of ambition. All with the most immense amount of class and elegance ever. Yeah. Obsessed. Yeah. She quite literally invented the charcuci board. We love a charcuterie. Yeah, like crudité charcuterie. She did. She is the one that like really started that she did Wow We have so much to thank her for like so much. Are you a mosh? I love her No, we start talking about things. I have I'm so upset for her. Spoiler alert Annie is Not that bitch. A bitch asshole. Oh. He's cheating. Oh. He's cheating on the low. And she, with multiple or one? Yeah, she said that he had countless, which makes me really sad for her and also interests me because she is so Fuck around and find out that but for some reason with him. She let it go Yeah, not because like I need to hide these things. It was like I'm happy where I'm at kind of thing But I wanted her to have some more respect for herself in that way Because she at one point is like yeah, if your man cheats on you like he's a piece of shit. I remember this And someone's like, didn't you? And she's like, well, we talked about emotional. Don't you fucking worry when you talk about that. I agree with you though that so she kind of lets it slide where in other things she's so black and white. Yes. So like that he says he's I'm not happy in the marriage, which also like that's so hurtful, especially if she is happy. You know what I mean? It's like, what did you think? I, my brain would be like, what the fuck did I do wrong? When in reality, she probably did nothing wrong. It's all him because he's a piece of shit. Yeah. So they separate in 1988. 87 and then they divorced like a couple years later officially, so it's like a weird gap. Yeah. She does call him a piece of shit in the documentary, but she, and then the interviewer does call her out for having, he's, didn't you have an affair at the beginning? And she said, I had a brief affair with a very attractive Irish man. And that's all she says. She goes, that's all it was. The way I want to be this woman. And it was right after they got married. When I grow up. They literally, it was right after they got married. And she's just like, yeah, that's what it was. But the thing is it doesn't count but no one has questions. No one's like you're wrong. Like everyone's like, okay, I'm sad I so that's what's so funny, too Is that mix of having chemistry with humans and connecting with them and also being that bad bitch is? A very wild like you usually get one or the other. Yeah, like you get people Who want to be your best friend, but also are like, please like me, I swear. Yeah, and she's just done. To also be combined with like, I don't give a fuck what you do is so cool. I think that's why I'm so intrigued by her. Yeah. Yeah. Is that fair? I aspire to be Martha more and more every day. So the turning point in a relationship that caused for him to ask for a divorce, which is fucked up. No, actually, sorry, pause that. Roll it, run it back. The turning point was that there was actually, there was someone that worked for Martha at the time that something happened to her very tragically. She lost her home. It was like a whole thing. She basically was about to be living on the street. So Martha's like, okay, I have a guest house. Absolutely live with me. Like, that's totally fine. Opened her home to this fucking bitch. She comes in, lo and behold, Andy wanks her. In her, on her own fucking property. In her own, yeah. So she finds out. Oh, that's so shitty. On On all parties. On all parties. On all accounts. Except for Martha. Yeah. Justice for fucking Martha. So, I did giggle because the interviewer goes, did you call her out? And she goes, of course I did. Of course I called her. I said, I walked right down there and I said, get the fuck out of my house. As you should. Yeah. Like, have some respect. Oh, he's a whore. No, he's disgusting. He's not even cute. So. You're not hot enough to get in that was, this is before they filed for divorce. So like, this is before the separation and all that stuff. She actually didn't want a divorce. She was okay with like, she fought for it. That's so interesting. He was the one that was like, no, we're we're done here. So that is so fucking interesting. I don't know what it is about him. She was like, I was com I was comfortable and I was weak spot, but I don't think she ever actually really loved him like that, that she was like, I'm devastated that you did that to me, it was more like, can you just fucking not do that? You know what I mean? Like I don't think she was dialed in that much. She wasn't like in love with this man. I think she just loved the life she had and like the, yeah, she was comfortable with what was happening. But also at the same time, she didn't really, she's a normal person. She's not like, this is my facade. Like she's not like that really. Yeah. No, you said earlier, she's very authentic. She's very down to earth. So it's weird to me. What you see is what you get. That's all. But she also really didn't give an explanation to it. So it's like, whatever do you sister. What a puzzle Martha is. She really is. Back to her career, before this divorce, okay, so reel it back for a second, pretend like she's still married to him. Okay. At one of the events that she was catering for like this, it was like a publishing event for her husband one of the publishers comes up to her and is like, did you do this? And she's like, yeah, like she was known for it at this point, like all the events, everyone knew it was gonna be done by Martha. It was crazy. It was like, you need to write a book about this. Like, the people need to see this. The people need to know how to do this. Like, this should be shared with others. So she does. She writes a book, and that is where Entertaining by Martha Stewart came from. It was from that event. She's like, okay, you want me to do something? I'll fucking do it. She did it, and it's one of many books, of course, that she has. I was gonna say, I'm gonna look it up. It's the most, like, iconic little cover. She's just, like, so cute with her little blonde bob. She's so adorable. And what I love, like, the most about it, which I've already talked about anyways, is that it's not lavish. You know what I mean? Like, there's nothing crazy about it. No, you could get it at Target. But it's like a turkey with, like, a puff pastry over it. Like, it is, and it's, like, hard. It's all sort of shit. Yeah. I'm like, it's a basket with strawberries. Like, it's something so simple, and I'm like, yes. It's just A hundred percent. I'm so passionate. I'm literally, I need to buy them. But it's annoying because everything's like on my Kindle. Like, no, I want the real fucking shit. Oh my God, what this book is going for?$1,500. Oh. So I won't be buying that entertaining Martha Stewart, so I won't be buying those. So it's like a, a collector's item at this point. On hardcover on Amazon, it's$325. So I won't be buying any of these books, but I can dream about that. Wow. That's crazy. Yep. Okay. Like the only actual cookbook I have is Theresa Judais, which is like, mine's Harry Potter. I got bought two Harry Potter cookbooks, same one, two different people. But it's just like, you're so predictable. One was from Leanne and one was from a boy I was dating. Oh, that's nice. It was so nice. But I was like, gang, when am I going to make fucking butterbeer? You're just churning out butterbeer in your fucking kitchen. Like, okay. I learned it's actually very easy to make butter. Am I going to become a homesteader? Also sourdough starters might fuck around and find out on that one. Okay. Let us know how it goes. I'd be like, I'd be popping out. I have another thing I just remembered. I'm a, I'm a public notary. I just. I saw your head go in 17 different directions. Because I was thinking I would start fucking charging for sourdough and also, come to find out, I'm a notary public, public notary, whatever the fuck it is, I don't really know. Well, you probably should know before you use it. It's either, it's either one. So I have a stamp, right? Okay. People charge for that. Yeah, dude. Do you know how many people I have notarized for? Oh, God. Are you like looking into No, like a thousand. No, like literally, I'm not joking, literally. I use it at work because I have to notarize for people and I'm just out here stamping And then today, this guy was like I could pay you, you know, like I know, like I feel bad I'm using you all the time and I was like, what do you mean? He was like, you usually pay notaries. And I was like, what? Yeah. Yeah. Just a little quick side hustle you could I'm out here selling my shit on eBay. Listen, she's a notary So if you need something notarized, please email us at sippinwithshannons at gmail. com I'm an official queen or instagram at sippin with the Shannons I have a stamp shout out Commonwealth of Massachusetts. We will stamp you and take your money. We winked sorry. We're a verbal. Yeah, we're winking. So she's essentially the first influencer yeah It sounds like it. She's the OG. The OG of the OG. The OG QVC girly. No, she's better than QVC. Don't even QVC that bitch. No, but I just need Sorry. No. I'm so sorry. I take it back. QVC is where things go to die. Do not. Sorry. She hits QVC after her downfall. Oh, sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry. It's a touchy subject. She's better. Yeah. Than that. She's selling dishes. She's selling linen. She's selling fucking sheets. Everything you could possibly put in your home, she's selling. At Kmart. God bless her. So, Kmart at the time, very low brow. The people in Westport, Connecticut were like, Martha, what the fuck? But she's a woman of the people. She's a woman of the girlies, the middle class, low class income girlies. She's out here slaying. I'm like, I'm poverty. Hello, IRS. So she's slaying shit down at Kmart. Slaying the day away. She made 70 million a year just through Kmart. Just through Kmart alone. Oh my god. That is so unfathomable to me. Uh, you're telling me. Oh, don't worry. Hit send. Did I say that right? Yeah. Unfathomable. I think I mumbled it. That is so fucking crazy. Yeah. And she's, and people are questioning her like, why Kmart? And she just. And this is, and this isn't nowadays. This is. No. This is like when Kmart was Kmart. It was like Walmart. Right. Right, right, right. That's so much money. Jesus. So people gave her a lot of shit for selling at Kmart. And she just, she goes, all she says is, just because you don't have money doesn't mean you don't have taste. A fucking men. Say it for the people in the back of the bus, bitch. I, caviar, taste on a tuna fish budget, bitch. Yes. I, I, it's giving. We're not ugly, we're just poor. And like, that is Give me what Lindsay Lohan has been giving. I couldn't be poorer, but I have good taste. And it's annoying. You, you know what, Colleen? I could say a lot of things about you right now. I agree with that. That is the one thing I am confident to say. That is something, that is a hill we will both die on. No. And it's so fucking frustrating. Cause I'll judge. But just cause I don't look like, I'm poor. What do you want me to do about it? I'm doing the best I fucking can. But I can still judge. For free. Okay. Okay. Okay. Well, now. Sorry. I could go on. But I won't. Anyways, just speaking to my soul, Martha is. So, she goes to Time Magazine, and she sells her whole thing. You know, her whole, like, this is what I'm all about, and do something about it, bitch. Yeah. And she, at first they're like, the fuck, you want to sell, like, being a housewife? Like, ew. And she says, living is limitless. And I was like, what is it? What? What is happening? And she says, this is something that will never die. Like, what do you mean? Like, she basically like gaslights them. And then she's like, Living? Home living? Hello? Are you fucking stupid? Everybody does it. This is something that no one's tapped into. Hello Time Magazine. And they're like, Okay. And then Martha Stewart Living is born. Just from that. Chills. I have chills. I've never seen you so excited about a person. I love her. Like, in a very long time. So then. From here. Now she's just like taking off or whatever, but she buys a house, another iconic house on Lily pond lane in the Hamptons. Again, iconic, great era of her life. This is like going to say Turkey, Turkey Hill, Turkey Hill, Lily pond. Very cute. Yes. If you look it up, it's just like very rich and you can tell the difference. And if you look at like her magazines and like her, her, all of her like pictures and stuff, cause she always like poses for photos and like ads and stuff in her house, you can tell the difference between the two houses. Then, she meets rich man's Charles Simone, okay? She doesn't want a husband. Honestly, she doesn't. She's just living life. She wants to work. She wants to rake in the cash in her brand. And she wants to have fun. Love it. Love that for her. Oh, good for her. She actually says she cares more about, she cared more at the time about what he was up to rather than what he was feeling. Iconic. She actually goes like, Iconic. She goes, I didn't give a shit. And she goes, I don't care what he's, how he feels. I just, I would just be like, what are you up to, what are you doing to, like, it's not, I don't care about how you feel. But I'm like, oh, you're not a bitch, that's just facts. It's just not her love, I bet her love language is acts of service. Or gifts. I bet she's a big gift girl. Oh, she, yeah, she would give me, she gives gifts. Like, you bought me a boat? Okay. Okay, daddy. Sure. Uh, And now she's looking for the next step. She leaves time. Completely. And goes rogue. She wants her own thing. She wants her own fucking whole ass conglomerate. And she starts Martha Inc. Which turns into Martha Stewart living Yeah, they all, yeah. Yeah, yeah, whatever the fuck. But I'm just gonna keep calling it Martha Inc. Because it's fucking iconic. Just Martha. Martha. Sure. But, and you know what that is, Martha, you know? Yeah, sure. So she goes public. Out comes the haters. Okay? Everyone's coming out of the woodworks. She's a, she's a bitch. She's insane. She's manic. This lady's crazy. All the things. Men and women? Yes. And men. Mostly men. Women still love her. Got it. Like, people are always chanting, Martha! Like, Martha! The girlies love Martha. Martha is, uh, for the people. Yeah. Uh, men were especially not happy. It's the 90s, which you think it wouldn't be too crazy, even in the 90s, because that was literally just fucking yesterday. Crazy. But the idea of, like, one woman being at the epicenter of, like, a whole corporation was just not the vibe for people. People were not happy about it. And she's a billionaire. Oh yeah, she's a bajillionaire. So they're like, oh, a woman succeeding off of being a traditional, uh, wife without actually having to do the traditional duties, making that amount of money. Ew. Yeah. Like a chairman of a publicly traded company, but she's out here selling sheets and snacks. How dare she hang her, burn her at the stake. Literally take a bitch down. She's sitting. You can fucking try. You can motherfucking try. She won't go anywhere except for jail. Except for jail. There she will go. Spoiler alert. She's also on the board of Revlon. Just sitting pretty, just chilling. She's on the board of a couple of different things. Like she, In her POV, has done it all. She has hit her peak. Truly every source of media someone can get, because she also has a TV show. Yeah. So every type of media someone can consume has Martha in it. Every TV show, her own TV show, uh, fucking commercials, all the things. She is in every store. You can't go anywhere without seeing her face. She's, magazines, all the things. But, What goes up must come down. Ugh, no, Martha! And down she goes. Don't go to jail, Martha! Locked up, they won't let me out. They will after 150 days. You are so white, it's painful. I am too, it's okay. I was singing that to a dog at work today because he was behind the gate. And he just was looking at me like this. And I was going, locked up, they won't let me out. She looked like he was in prison locked up Like he was behind the gates of the bar like this. No, I But that I didn't have the white thought no, I didn't well if you needed the reminder the Irish glow We both have from one sip of alcohol should do it the rash crawling up my neck right now. We're perfect I don't know what you're talking about Now back in the day Which I can't say like that like whatever Because I was six but when I when people talked about Martha Schumer and like her going to jail And I never really looked into it. I was like, oh this bitch fucking murdered somebody like she did some shit She's a terrible person. Yeah. No, not the case. I think when you yeah when we first heard of it It was like, oh she must have done something really horrible to have to go to prison and it's actually not No people were literally so dramatic. Yeah, people were for the drama which like I get it me too, but let's relax about Martha Now do I think she was guilty? I don't know. Do you not know really? Are you unsure? I would say no She's not right now. Gun to my head now. She's not guilty. But at the same time I get it. We'll get into it do I think she's a very highly intelligent perfectionist who typically didn't make mistakes? So it makes me wonder why she would be like, oh, I don't recall. I don't remember. But like, well, how does the type a How does this happen to you like forget? Yeah, that never fucked anything up ever How did you, how did this happen to her? Yeah. Without being guilty, but let's get into it. It, it, it, the math will make sense, okay? It's 2001. Okay. Martha's hitting her PJ, she's jetting off to Cabo with her bestie for the resty, Mariana Pasternak. What I would not give. Pasternak, it sounds like the Bruins player. Yeah, for sure, they're from the same land somewhere over the, over the water. The Czech Republic. Is that where it is? It's Czech, yeah. Prague. Okay, slay. Good for them. Pop off. It's Europe. Europa. Europa. Yeah, they're from over there. Okay. That's her bestie for the resty. That's all you need to know. Okay. Remember her name, okay? Yeah. On it. They are on the, imagine being on a PJ. Couldn't be me. Can I tell you, I have a list of things that I want to do before I die. And one of them is, is ride on a PJ, private jet, for those who are not calling. Oh, right, right, PJ. PJ, private jet. I, that's on, in just one experience, and also, I just want to feel cool. Not and or, and also, to ride first class on a very fancy airline. Not like JetBlue, Boston to JFK. I mean like, Flying first class. Over an ocean. With the beds? With the beds. That sounds sly. Both are on my bucket list. You don't have enough points at this fucking point? No, because I, I go with the cheapest airline, not the same airline. The only way you can get those if you use the same airline all the time. Got it. Does that make sense? Noted. Yep. So if you spread out your points, it doesn't, it doesn't do what you want it to do. Don't love that for us. Yeah. Gotta be loyal to one airline. Couldn't be me. Come on. Couldn't be me. I think we are. Yeah, like, come on, I'm a spirit bitch at heart. Yikes. Respectfully. So, anyways. A woman of the people taking her private jet with her bestie to Cabo. Martha and Mariana stopped for a little gas on their PJ in San Antonio. Martha's like, hold up, gotta call the office, just make sure it's not burning under the ground, okay? She calls. Her assistant is like, yeah, actually, you got a call from your stockbroker, Peter Picanovic. I'm gonna call him Peter because I'm not pronouncing his last name this whole time. Peter is her stockbroker. They're besties, okay? And he's like, hey you know that, that company that, you know, I put some stock in for you I'm Clone, like, he, well, pause. I'm Clone is a biotech company that was started by one of Martha's other besties, His name is Sam Waxel. Okay. Okay. They're very close. So obviously she invested in Waxel. Sam, Peter, Mariana. Yes, Sam, Sam Mariani, Mariani. Sam, Mariana, Peter. And Peter. Okay. Peter, broker. Sam, bestie. CEO of the company. Are we all following? Yes. They are friends. So obviously she invested through her stockbroker in his company to be that rich to be like, yeah, I'll throw some money at your company. Yeah. I'll dabble. Yeah. Do we good hope for the best. And if it doesn't do good, we won't even notice. Yep. It's fine. Jump change. Yep. He hit the point of his company's biotech company. He was basically creating a drug that had a lot of potential to cure a lot of Aggressive diseases that we all suffer from. Yeah, yeah. So, they were like, it was on the up and up. But, it wasn't approved by the FDA yet. So, she's investing in hopefully like helping them out. Right. So, Pierre calls and says I think it's going down and I think you should sell the stock. And she's like, cool, I trust you, slay. Pull it out if you want, do whatever the fuck you need to do. That's it. End of the phone call. She goes off to Cabo. They don't think about it again until six months later. So now it's June of 22, 22, 22, June of 2002 and Sam Waxel gets arrested for insider trading. Oh, dude. Yep. Not fun. Was he actually insider trading like where you're not sure about Martha? Do you think he was? So it's equivalent to me. If I was saying Waxel. And I knew that shit was about to go down. Me calling you and Aaron and saying, Oh, so he was. So he absolutely was. To an extent, yeah. Cause when you tell, when you not only know, but do something about it and then call other people to do something about it. So he somehow was tipped off by somebody. In the right and that the FDA was not going to approve of the drug two days before the public about drop Yeah, yeah, so two days before there someone shit ton of money someone tips him that the FDA is not gonna approve it So he calls his it would be equivalent to me calling you Aaron and being like pull your money Okay, pull your money out. So okay Not fair but fair. It's insider trading. Yeah, but it no it absolutely is. You know how I feel about rules It's like if you tell your sister, it's fine. No. No, that is straight up calling. That is like the definition. Like I'd be like, okay Like can there be like a blood law? No, no. The only law that really exists is the, the therapist, what is it, the confidentiality? Yes. Yeah. Client therapy, therapist confidentiality. HIPAA! And husband wife. There's a partner clause. Oh, I didn't know that. Interesting. Those are the only two loopholes, but with insider trading, there are none. Interesting. Also to explain. Because they don't want you to make money. Yeah, no, I know. The house always wins. Like, they're not That's how the rich gets richer. Yeah, exactly. I asked chat, our girly chat, GPT. Oh my god, how did you ask? I want verbatim, what did you ask? I said, hey sister, explain insider trading to a dumb bitch. Of course you did. And the response I got was, okay babe, let's break it down real simple. Simple, oh my god, I can't talk. Insider trading is like this. Imagine you're at a casino and someone whispers to you that the next slot machine is about to hit the jackpot. You know it's gonna pay out big, but no one else does. So you rush over, put all your money in, and you win a ton. And that's illegal. You can't use secret info to get rich. It's against the rules and if you get caught, you can go to jail. Keep it fair, babe. Shout out to my girly chat. A hundred percent. That is exactly what it is. Yes, but it's like such a fancy insider trading. You're spilling the tea for money. That's what it is. Yeah. It's illegal. Sounds fun to me. Any who, any Hoosier, any Hoosier. So the U S attorney's office is like, kind of sus. Let me look into it. They look at every single person that pulled their stock that day. And unfortunately, our girly pop miss Martha was on the list. So she has no fucking idea. She has no idea. She knows Sam's been arrested. Not, it's not even on her fucking radar. She doesn't give a fuck at all. Until. The U. S. Attorney's office calls her lawyer and says, Hey, we got to speak to Ms. Girly Martha, ASAP. We got something, we got some shit to talk about. And her lawyer is like, okay, no, do you know what this is about? And she's like, no. And so he's like, okay, well, whatever they say to you, if you don't know the answer if you aren't a hundred percent clear, you just say, I don't recall. I don't know what you're talking about. That's why she answered all those fucking questions like that. Yes. She didn't really told, so they didn't, she didn't know what it was about until she got there. Mm. So then afterwards, when she was asked about it later, like she had more information to give kind, not more information, but a yay or nay to things. Like, she was like, no, he didn't tell. Like it's like, why didn't you say that before? Why would she say that? Right. That's the problem. And like you're the type A organizer, every single last detail perfectionist. You have every duck in a row, but when you're unexpected to like. Yeah, when you're given the advice to just answer, I don't recall, but then not on the spot when you know it's coming to go like, Oh no, no, I remember that. Afterwards. It's giving. That's so shitty. Yeah. Yeah. You're sus. So she, that bites her in the ass a bit. And it really, she remains this whole time that she's innocent, still to this day, innocent. Okay. She goes on the early show. And she's like showing this fucking host how to make a salad. Oh, the salad. No, I've seen this video. She snaps on her. Yeah, yeah. So she's, no, this, this. Well, the woman was like pestering her. Yeah, she was rude. She would not. She had a white piece of paper, was holding it. And she's just trying to make the salad. And she asked her a couple questions, like, Oh, you're part of this big case. Like, what's going on? Can you give us any information? And Miss. Truly trying to, like, click. Yes, Miss High Class Queen Martha is like, you know, there's a lot of people involved in that and you know, I, I, I think it's all gonna, it's all gonna end soon and everything will be cleared out. But I'm not, I'm not at liberty to talk about it. She asked like four fucking times. She's not even, she's not even listening to Martha's response. She's just holds her paper and she's ready like, yeah, she's trying to get the headline. Also you should get, be fired for being a shitty fucking host. Sorry. You suck. You're not even listening to what the person's saying. So annoying. To the point where she asked one final question and. Holding the knife in her hand. Martha says, I just wanna focus on my salad. And everyone is gasps. Yeah. Drops mic. There it is. The men in the rooms, their brains probably exploded. Yeah. They were like, Ooh, it's giving too much guilty. That's what it's giving. And it's like, oh no, I just don't wanna be pester around. Live television, ex. Exactly. So now every single person that views this reads the media. Anything is like Martha. Oh, this is real. This is real. And it's some shit. And so per Martha. From her mouth, her stock was sold before she even connected with Sam. So she did connect with Sam because they were besties and obviously she contacted him after the fact. Maybe to let her know the stock. Yeah, maybe, yes, or had already sold it. No matter, I don't know what the context of her conversation was with Sam. I have no fucking idea, but it could have been like, oh, I pulled my stock. Like, it could have been anything. And the U. S. Attorney's Office actually questioned Sam over and over again, specifically about Martha. Think about all the things they could ask him. only about Martha. And they at one point offer him a deal. And they're like, if you give us her and say that you, that you tipped her off, we'll let you go free. We will let you go. We'll get you. We'll let you off. Okay. Witch hunt. Yeah, exactly. And he called, he actually, he says it's on video, like completely on camera and interview. He says, yes, they pastored me and asked me to give Martha, even though that's completely not true. So to lie essentially, he didn't do it. And he didn't, he said, he called his mother and said, mom, here's the tea. This is what they're telling me. What do I do? And she said, Oh my God. Yeah, and the mother says, give her up. And he goes, I didn't, I couldn't do it. I, I don't know if I could sleep at night. Yeah, no. If I gave someone up who didn't actually do it. You can, I'd like to think that I I'd like to think that I have, like, good moral, uh, good, uh, judgment of character. He just, he seems like a really genuine human being. Oh, that's nice. I don't know, I mean, I don't know. Yeah. From my POV. We don't know his life. No, we don't, but he was like, he goes, I, I never, I never, ever. Like he's, he was passionate. I love that. And I think that if you're in that type of position, like that is the one time that you give up and you, he didn't. I was going to say that's the one time where you make your own life easier. Yeah. And he didn't. And take the easy way out kind of thing. Yeah. Oh my goodness. So everyone wants Martha's head on a stick. Right. Right. But it doesn't change the reality that People want to take her down. She's a woman, she's too successful, we're not having it. This homemaker billionaire has got to fucking go. Especially this fucker named Jim Coney. Okay? He works for the U. S. Attorney's Office. I think he becomes, like, head of the FBI at some point. He sucks. He's a dickhead. He is also Martha's number one hater. Okay? He is Constantly at press releases, and he, there's no proof obviously that Sam Waxell actually tipped Martha off. So, he completely changed his pace, and he's like, This case isn't about insider trading, it's about lying, Martha Stewart lied to the FBI, she lied to the attorney, like, she, he just will not let it go. Many people like, uh, attorneys, prosecutors, said that they would have never even brought this to, to court. They would have let it go. And for whatever reason, this man would not let it go. So he charges, he's like coming for her neck and for obstruction of justice, of justice. And a lot of people came, like, clapped back and were like, How can you be charged for lying about a crime that you legitimately didn't commit? Do you know what I mean? Yeah. So it's like what I mean, but like, just so many wrong turns. All it really is is that she wasn't truthful about the reasoning that she traded. Exactly. Cause at one point she's like, no, it has nothing to do with Sam. And then she said something else like a week later. When you change your story, their hackles immediately go up and if they already have a target on your back, it's hard to come back from that. It just, it bothered them that they couldn't get her for insider training. That's all it was. They're just, they're pissed. They're like No, a hundred percent. Whether she did it or she didn't. Like. They couldn't get her forward and that just, they couldn't let it go and she was a woman. If she, that, if he was a, if that was a man, this would have been done. Everyone, Wants to see Little Miss Perfect kind of fail and fall which is like so shitty, she shows up to to court in her fucking cardigan like ready to go with her shawl. Go Martha She maintains her innocence. She's just She's just chillin People won't turn on her, she's like, this is gonna work itself out. Yeah, exactly. Until, then comes in, peter's secretary. Their whole plan obviously because at that point. of the trial. It's judgment of character at this point. So they want to do everything to paint her in this bad light that she's an asshole and that she's a terrible person and she's all the things, right? So they call up Peter's secretary who is 27 years old. He looks like a child. Actually, it might be 28. He's handsome. Honestly, Peter, Peter's secretary could get it. His name is Douglas. Okay. Douglas. Douglas Faneuil is his name. Oh, Faneuil Hall. Yeah. It's spelled just like Faneuil Hall too. So they bring him in. And they put him on the stand, and they're using him to prove, or allegedly prove, that Martha is a liar. So he gets on the stand, and he says, I was directed, per Peter, to tell Martha about Waxell selling his stock so that she could act on it. Which, also, Peter was the one that called. Right. What are you fucking talking about with my guy? Now, people believed him because he says this, but he also includes a lot of details about how Martha was as a person, and how she treated him like a piece of shit. Oh, so he's just bitter. He's just a bitter bitch. And he says, Things like, I've never been treated more rudely by a stranger on the phone. He said that she made the most ridiculous sounds that an adult has ever made. Something like, she sounded like a, on the phone, like a lion roaring underwater, is the sound that she made. Oh, stop. The fucking drama. Men are so dramatic. Are you kidding me? They're the most dramatic people I've ever fucking met. She's abrasive. She's a bully. She's a bad person. Blah, blah, blah. He even says that, They're trying to make it seem like this is, these are the type of people that do commit insider trading, so this is Martha. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. He says that she threatened to take her account elsewhere, over the phone, if they didn't change the hold sound. Oh, stop. The hold music. I, stop. Which, I mean, she very well could've. I don't know. Who knows? I know, but also like She was very to the point grass. Yeah. So like, his statement was kind of the nail in the coffin. Yeah, like confirm all the Now the jury's like, ooh, woof. Yeah, I have the ick. I don't know how to You're given guilty, but then comes the real actual nail in the coffin, which is Not Mariana. Do you actually know this? Do you know this or not? Is it Mariana? Yeah. Do you actually know this? No. Oh, yeah. It's Mariana. They bring Mariana. No, not the bestie. They bring in bestie for the restie. No. Mm hmm. Why? And Martha says, you know, she, this woman is my matri she, she was my matron of honor. I mean, I was her matron of honor. I am the godmother of her children. Like she is my person. And she, because the U. S. Attorney's Office went for her. Battered her down. Broke her down. She gets on the stand and she is asked about what happened in Cabo. Did Martha say anything to you about Trade it and let you say anything at all regarding the situation. And she says, no, but when we were in Cabo, she did tell me, isn't it nice to have brokers who tell you things? And everything is, everyone's like, Might drop. Yeah. Everyone kind of freezes. And, uh, she says that, What the fuck? She looks across the room and looks in Martha's eyes and she said she saw ice cold and knew their friendship was over. That's so upsetting. Yep. But also that could, that's a vague statement kind of in a way, it's not specific, but it also insinuates, insinuates the scales were already tipping. So Martha, what I was like, Oh, Martha, Martha's not even mad at her. Yeah, she says she says when Mariana got on that stand She was a broken weak woman who was damaged and frightened so deeply by the prosecution that it makes me very sad for her Wow, she goes full pity. Martha is that fucking bitch. No, she genuinely was like I feel for I feel bad for her Put through the ringer. Yeah, when she got up there. She was done. She got up there and she put it at Martha's expense. Mm hmm So we'll talk about the trial anymore. But all you need to know is that Martha was found guilty multiple different counts in March of 2004 Yeah, I did I think it was like two years felony charges of conspiracy to obstruct of obstruction of an agency proceeding and of making false statements to federal investigators She was sentenced in July of 2004, and then she only had to serve a five month term in a federal correctional facility. So, I asked to give us a RuPaul version. Yes! Let's go! I love this new segment we have. So I asked for specifically the rise and fall. Like a quick synopsis of the rise and fall. Like what you went to jail for and like what the tea is. Oh my god, I'm so ready. I'm so, so ready. Dial it, everybody. So to dumb all of that down, if you just listened to me babble for that long, so sorry RuPaul would say it like this. All right darling, gather round because it's story time and this one's got more twists than a drag queen's wig on a windy day. So, once upon a time in the land of DIY and fabulousness, Martha Stewart, the queen of crafting, cooking, and the best home decor tips, got herself into some serious hot water. Now, honey, it wasn't because she forgot to fluff her pillows or burnt the souffle. Oh no. This was a scandal that can make any queen clutch her pearls. In 2001, Martha was caught up in an insider trading scandal. What's that? Insider trading, in case we didn't already know because we talked about it ten fucking times, is when someone uses secret information to make money off the stock market. And darling, she was accused of selling her shares in a company called I'm Chloe and Systems. Just before the stock took a nosedive. It's like knowing that a wig's about to fall off and selling it before it does, but in the business world. You get what I'm saying? Yes, I do. Chat. She was charged with conspiracy, obstruction of justice, justice and making false statements as I just said. Basically, they said she lied about what she knew and tried to cover it up. But honey, she wasn't just saying that. Sitting pretty on the couch during this, she was eventually convicted. This led to a five month sentence at a federal correctional facility where Martha traded in her perfect dinner parties for prison food and made the best of it. So there you have it. A fall from grace, a dash of drama, and then a fabulous comeback. You can't keep a queen down for long. Oh, I love it. That was so good. So back to planet Earth. Sorry, sorry. Back, back to real life. Back to real life. We're not happy. Not chat GPT, RuPaul style, just. Straight up. So that was like our sunshine rainbows, okay? Now, she's been. She's a convicted. Yeah. Human. To the clink. Or whatever it is. Uh, she's leaving, you know, the courthouse. Her daughter faints. in the courthouse? No. Oh, yeah She walked out and people were chanting. We love Martha. We oh my god Yeah, people were not people are quaking. No, they were fucking quaking Quaker style Full Quaker. And you know Martha is she's Heads held high right, but she's defeated. You know, yeah, I mean you went to fucking prison The one thing about her though is that she knows that she did no wrong But she is like I have a trophy in this situation and I yeah, I'm gonna figure this out It is what it is. So she's pissed about the FBI. She actually said, which I love her for, she goes, those prosecutors should have been put in a Cuisinart and turned on high. Yeah. She said people said horrible things about her, which also she says at one point, and I think it's after she's convicted, maybe before, I don't know. It was during the time when people were hating on her. She said someone wrote like horrible things about her, some lady. And then she goes, yeah, this woman from whatever magazine. Wrote these horrible things about her. She goes, she's dead now, thank god. Oh, I, I actually very vividly remember that. Just so, not even, don't even. Yeah, like, you're a cunt and I don't want. And she goes, thank God she's dead. Like, I have no notes. You're right. I'm like, I'm happy too. Thank God. A natural born hater? We love her. Immediately. So she's obviously going to GL, right? Yeah, of course. Everything tanks. Her stock, tanks, company, tanks, loses everything. Her show, her magazine, every fucking thing. She has to resign from all the boards she's on. You know, she's, she, and she's tough. She's like, whatever, she's taking it in stride. Right, shrugging it off. It's fine, you know what they say, God gives his toughest paddles to his strongest soldiers. Jesus Christ. Martha Stewart is the toughest soldier, okay? Strongest soldier. I'll tell ya. But also at the same time, like, it does start to affect her. She does start to act really shitty to her employees. You know, she's not her best self. She's rude. She's can be kind of condescending. She kind of snaps at them a bit. There's like a video clip from like an Easter in 2004. So she's being a bitch. She's being a bitch. Yeah. At one point she goes, don't forget that on camera. That was bad. She was like, are you stupid? Basically, are you stupid? To one of her employees. And, and, and, and It's just, she's taking her own internal panic. Yeah. She's waiting. And projecting. Yeah, she's waiting for the true sentencing of where, when, how long. She has no idea. Dare I say? What? She's doing what her dad did? No, yeah. A hundred percent. Yeah. Dare I say? I'm sure she's unpacked that at some point with some therapist. You know what I mean? Like, she's taking her own sentence and projecting it on everybody else and making it everyone else's fault? Yes, exactly. So, I would say, but also at the same time, like, Innocent, let's say, you know, Innocent, this is not her fault, right? No. She has a right to feel the way she feels, but not to act like that towards other people. All feelings are welcome. All behaviors are not. I agree. That is the rule. So she's like a sitting duck preparing to go to jail, and she's just like, not doing great. And like someone asked her, she's in a fucking interview, and someone's like, So what are you doing to prepare? And she's like, I don't know, I'm going to the fucking dentist and the gynecologist, Leaving the fuck alone! Yeah, like, oh, I'm taking karate courses, thanks. Thanks a lot. I think there was one interview that she was in that the lady was like, Do you know what jail's like? And Martha's like, no? And she's like, you should read about it. Like, you should look into it. It's like fucking so weird and rude, I can't. I know I've had enough wine when I just say fuck a bunch of times. Yeah. You know what I mean? Same. It's just I'm passionate. So Martha goes to Alderson Federal Prison Camp in West Virginia on October 8th of 2004. That's when she goes in. Iconic. She did ask if she could keep her pearl earrings on. That is so iconic. She wrote about it. She was like, pearls were no. So like she asked, you know what I mean? She serves 150 days and in those 150 days, her character development was kind of a slay. Not that she was a shitty person before, she wasn't, but I think. Listen, perspective makes people better. Yeah. The place she went was nicknamed like Camp Cupcake or something, but like. Yeah. She's not going to hardcore. Either way. Not great. She was like, people were beaten. That was not, that was not. Yeah. Yeah. It's not like she's not at Walpole either. No. Yeah. She's like we weren't crafting but we weren't, you know what I mean? Like yeah, it still fucking sucks, right? It's jail. I mean, it's prison. It took her. It's not jail. It's fucking prison. She writes all day She's like she'll write like her feelings and stuff and you can tell because of the writings like she at the beginning is like Wtf, like why is there no fresh food question mark? She wrote like I'm really worried about the carbs and starches. Oh girl girl But like, fair enough, a homemaker in fucking jail? The irony of that. I know, it's crazy. She's probably in the kitchen like, What the fuck are you guys doing? Or in the garden? There's always a prison garden. Oh, we, yeah. Did she go into the prison garden? Shut up! Stop, I'll cry. No, she, no, I will literally cry talking about this. I'm not kidding. She's such an icon. An icon. So, after a while, she does accept that it is her fate, right? There's nothing she can do about it. So, she becomes more accepting of the other inmates. Makes friends, if you will. Good, she should. She discovers that she really loves them. It's teaching and helping others and showing them what she knows, which is not something she did before because she was a control freak and was always running a corporation and doing her own thing herself. She never showed other people. You know what I mean? She was, she came across a woman in a garden and gave her a couple of books on gardening and was like, let me help you. Let me show you. Wow. Yeah. Which sounds so stupid. It's like, yeah, that's what normal people do, but that's not what Martha Stewart did. Right. Right. At one point she, one of the ladies came to her and was like, Will you speak at the church about, you know, and give these ladies like some hope on what, being an entrepreneur is, and if they have any like hope for themselves. Oh, I love it! Entrepreneurs. And She really taught them that they can do really anything they wanted to do. Stop. It's so sad. And she helped them with like all their hopes and their dreams. She sat down with them. Yep. Uh, sidebar. Charles. Her boyfriend? Never visited. I think he did once. I think he did one time. Let him rot. But I think she was embarrassed. Him. When the interviewer did ask her, in the documentary like why he never really came, why he didn't really write, because he wrote her being like, I'd love to hear from you, and she just kind of didn't, but I think she was really embarrassed. And she said, I don't think he really About her own behaviors or his? about her situation. Oh, okay. Like, why would he want to be with me. I'm in fucking jail. Kinda thing. And she knew his lifestyle was like, he's out on his boat with his friends, and I'm here in jail, like, Yeah. It was almost like, embarrassing for her in a way, Sure. And she said, I don't think he liked hanging out with someone in jail. Oh. But he did write her, so it's like, she was the one that was, She's the one who pushed, She self sabotaged it that way. Yeah, self sabotage. And I, I think the jail, Really helped Martha like way more than cuz perspective dude Calm her down changer calm her down was not way less bossy less control freak She accepted that she couldn't really she couldn't control and became like a whole new POV You know, I mean she helped all these women. She's like inspiring people. She has genuine friends She has more empathy before she was like, what the fuck are you doing now? She's like, let me show you you know Yeah, yeah so She like genuinely wrote in her book and was like, I want these women to have a better life. Colleen's looking at me like she's about to cry. She gets out of jail. I cried. She Five whole months. She leaves the jail in a poncho made by one of her inmate friends. Stop. It's the ugliest fucking poncho I've ever seen in my life. That's not the point. But she loved it. She loved it. She was a beautiful poncho. The guy who picked her up literally goes, what the fuck are you wearing? I don't remember who it was, but he literally goes, What the fuck are you wearing? And she was just like, She gets on my fucking poncho, sir. She gets on a PJ and jeans in the poncho. Waving at people. She gets on a PJ? In the Yeah. Stop. Look it up. She doesn't even come up and go on into a car. She gets right onto the PJ. I think someone picked her up in a car, I'm assuming. But she And then drove her to the tarmac. She's first seen Wow. Look up. Obviously the fucking private jet wouldn't be at the jail in West Virginia. I mean, it could be. There's probably lots of land around there. That's such a good point. I'm unwell. But look it up. It's actually hilarious. She's like this. Also, let me know how you got a blowout because your hair was blown out, bitch. Did you do it in the car? With the black and white on, like she has like a black like this. Oh, yeah. Look at her waving. Stop. Her little poncho. Okay. She definitely had some sort of combing. Mechanism she couldn't also her roots aren't that bad. She has that she's a natural blonde. Oh, that's right Her hair is natural. She oh god so she's grateful, right? She's got a new energy. She's got a new energy. I say grateful. Yeah. She's, she's okay. I'm good. I'm living. You know, but she has to crawl out of a hole. Yeah. She's in a bit of a, I mean, and that she does, you know. Yeah, she does, she does do that. If you think about it, though, for her, so how old, I forget how old she is when she actually gets out, but she's older, old. And it's hard for people to remain in the spotlight for a good or bad thing the majority of their lives. Do you know what I mean? Especially to keep relevance, even cultural relevance, too. Like Martha does that. Yes. We'll get into it. But she remains, she kills it. You know what I mean? She gets every opportunity the minute she gets out. She's not like shy about it either. She gets a new talk show with this, with Mark Burnett. Okay. It's a cooking show, right? Which is what she wanted because she still wants to proceed with what she was doing before. Showing people how to cook, homemake, all the things. But it's also a talk, it's a talk show. So she has guests like Robin Williams is on there, fucking Snoop Dogg, all the things. And she kills it because it's a new, she's not. I don't want to say stuck up, because she wasn't stuck up before, but she's relaxed, she's funny, like she has a different energy about her, she doesn't give a fuck anymore, she's giggly, she's silly, she's jumping rope, she's making jokes, it's just not like her, so it's like a whole new, it's refreshing, people are loving it, it's refreshing, So that's one positive thing she has going for her, right? But then she goes away with Charles, and they're casually just visiting the president of Iceland, okay? Fucking hate Iceland. That's the second time that Iceland's come up in this episode. Sorry if that's triggering, is what I wrote. It is. Please continue. Too soon! They are in a hotel room laying in bed, and he says, You know what, Martha? I'm gonna get married to this woman named Lisa. Ew. And she said If someone was laying in my bed I would castrate him. And she's like, Who the fuck is Lisa? Yeah, first of all, Has never heard How dare you? Second of all, Who the fuck is Lisa? Has never heard him talk about Lisa in his life. She's like, What? The audacity. Who the fuck? And he says, And also, on top of that I'm marrying Lisa, and her parents said, I can't talk to you anymore. Oh, okay. So are we parents now? Are we 12? Martha says to this day that this is the worst thing that anyone has ever done to her. He's been with Mariana. And she went to jail. For a minute. Yeah, but still, like, that's the worst thing that's ever happened to you or that someone's done to you? I mean, someone laying in your bed and being like, I'm gonna propose to someone else is exceptionally shitty. Yeah, so she has that situation. He's a goner. Bye. In her company, still a goner. Yeah, but it still exists. So that's the thing. Okay. She sells her talk show. She does. She still has that going for her. So we have a paycheck, which is nice, a small paycheck, but she's also like paying her dues and things. And so she sells, she lost probably 2 billion. I think one or 2 billion. Yeah. Yeah. Two with a B and she admits it in an interview. With a B. Yeah, with a B. She lost one to two, I think. She sells her company, but at this point it's for parts. So it's very much chump change. It's nothing. It's basically nothing. It's like embarrassing. It's appalling. But she's on a mission to get her fucking mojo back. Okay. And then she said she woke up one day and said, if you don't like your garden, change it. That's it. And then, and then we turned it around. Okay. And that she did. So let's fast forward now. I forget where we're at, what time, what year we're at at this point, but fast forward to the Justin Bieber roast. Okay. I remember this. So well, yeah, I I remember being like, oh my god, she's so fucking funny a little bit of background on that is the fact that she, her publicist, I think, or her PR person, was like, trying to sign her up for shit. Obviously she needs to do everything she can at this time because she's crawling out of a hole. Right. And she's like, yeah, I'll go. And her daughter was like, you wanna, do you know what a roast is? And she's like, yeah. probably like what my, like my gross, my Turkey roast. Like, she's like, sure, I'll do it. She doesn't give a fuck. She's like, sure, let's do it. And she was excited about it, so she, they also called her in because at the time Justin Bieber was like wild and out. And it was like during his, like he needed home, like really like hoodlum phase. And so they're like, oh, bring in Martha. She just kind of like an intervention, like remaking his image. Like get Marthas with other people who have done prison time. Yeah. Like let's bring Martha in like they can be And Snoop was there. Isn't that how this friendship began? Oh yeah. We'll get into it. Sorry. God. Sorry. Fucking worry. Sorry. Oh my God, I'm so excited. So she didn't understand what a roast was. So she shows up on the red carpet and literally someone asks her, How do you feel about the roast? And she goes, This is cool. She goes, This is cool. Bitch. No, she has no fucking idea. They didn't know they were going to roast her. She had no idea they were going to roast her. Oh yeah, everyone gets roasted at a roast. She didn't know that. Is that not the funniest fucking thing you've ever heard? So she's just sitting there taking fucking bullets. And she didn't care. She didn't give a fuck. And then she gets up on, obviously we all know she gets up, you know, on the stage. Nails it. Nails it, of course. Absolutely crushes it. And she's, a couple of her one liners, not one liners, but a couple of things she said that were hilarious is, starts off, First of all, thank you Kevin Hart. It's really great to be here. Oh, there you are, sitting and listening to you. There you are. I've been sitting and listening to you tell your jokes over the last hour is the hardest time I've ever done. Believe I believe the bedroom is the most important room in the house, but I don't have to tell you that Ludacris You have three kids with three different women May I suggest pulling out some time and finishing on some fine highly absorbent Martha Stewart bed linens? You know, I do a lot of gardening but you are without a doubt the dirtiest used up Ho I have ever seen and Hannibal all night. I've been trying to remember who you remind me of Then it hit me, you look like that gingerbread man I left in the oven for too long. Oh my god! Last but not least, let's get to the reason I'm up here tonight, which is to give Justin Bieber some tips to use when he inevitably ends up in prison. Oh my god. I've been in lockup and you wouldn't last a week, so fucking pay attention. She goes on, she has way more, but the people Everyone stops in their tracks and they're like, who is Martha Stewart? What is going on? Why is she so funny? They're, they're obsessed. So this also, the roast sparks a friendship, right? Between Martha and Snoop. Because she sat next to him for eight hours that day. He smoked a blunt the entire, like, kept re God fucking bless him. She goes, I was so high. I love it so much. And he loved her. He said, That day really had him thanking, is what he said. Maybe we should hang out sometime and talk about some thangs. That's exactly what he said. And he said, it would really be an upgrade for me to be in her presence sometimes. Oh my god, Snoop Dogg! So they hang out, regularly, and they realize they are way more alike than they realize. They love the same things and have the same values about life, the same beliefs. And he says, we love to love and we love to teach. Oh my God, that's so cute. Like, why am I? I'm obsessed with them. Why are you emotional? I love them so fucking much. So they host a show together. Obviously everyone knows that the people are fucking obsessed and they have that wine together too. They're just like two of the most like unlikely besties. But they're amazing. Like they're, they do a lighter ad. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. They're perfect. They are everything. Them at the Olympics. Yeah. It's so funny and pure and wholesome. It's iconic. It's iconic. I absolutely love them at that. Obsessed. On the horses, I was dying. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't. I just can't. Everything he does, like he doesn't, if you really think about it, he doesn't do much, let's think about it. But yet everything he does, I'm like, Yeah, we love Snoop Dogg protect this man protect her podcast has always said what we love Snoop Dogg. That is true That's true. You know, I'm day one My mom loves Snoop Dogg, it's like very strange Exactly that was the correct response calling. Thank you so much It's fair to say at this point, Soup really brings her up. She's back. She's better than ever. Her social media popping off. Of course. She's in her fucking seventies. She's on the cover of Sports Illustrated. I'm obsessed with her. She is like sexy grandma. That's what's giving. Yes.. To be fair, if she wasn't in her 70s, her, say she was in her 20s and she was posting the shit that she posts, like, it's giving Britney Spears. Respectfully. But because she's Martha Stewart and because she's fucking 70s, She can get away with it. Do whatever the fuck you want. Yeah, truly. She's been in, she's been in lockup, she wants. But like I said earlier, to maintain, to be best friends with Snoop, and still know it's going on and being culturally relevant, Aware, yeah. I don't know the word for it. No, I, you're absolutely saying everything. But like, that's not possible, and it's like, not something that, you know, people see very often. For five decades. She is unique. She's one of a kind. She's perfect. She's one of a kind. And you know, her getting out of jail and deciding not to give up on things when she easily could have also. And just like giving up on things that like really weren't in her control anymore. I feel like that was the best thing that she could have done for Herself, you know for herself or for everyone do you think everyone and I really it just made her more relevant I think and more likable I'm really glad she did that in her elder age and like a little bit in lockup, you know Yeah, and I love her and I want simply nothing but the best for her and I want her and Snoop to bring me in As their third amigo, maybe adopt me. I don't fucking know but that is the iconic story of the rise the life And the comeback of our Queen Martha fucking Helen Stewart Wow Protect her at all costs. Thank you so much for joining me Wow. I love her so much. What? Like, truly an icon, and obviously ahead of her time, and very smart, and very ambitious, with a level of money and delusion that's just like, that I strive for. I completely agree. That level of, oh, I'm just going to do it because I want to. Yeah. I mean, everyone likes Martha Stewart, I would say, but now I'm like, Gasp. She is everything to me. That's all. Wow. What would Martha do? What the fuck wouldn't Martha do? That's what we ask of ya. That's all I ask. So I'll stop yapping now. What you got for me? Okay, I have one positive story and it's a write in. Okay. Really? Yeah. Okay. So my bestie, Sajra, one of my travel besties. I was in Albania with her. Yeah, of course. I know, of course I know Sajra. I looked down at my foot. Oh, okay. You didn't nod or anything. No, sorry. I got distracted for a second, but I'm listening. So, she has a grandma named Maxine. That's cute. Isn't that such a nice grandma named Maxine? So, Say sent me a voice memo the other day. And she was like, Maxine had a friend named Darlene. And they've been friends since they were little kids. They're now 80 years old. Okay, so cute and they haven't seen each other in over 70 years. Wait, what? Yeah, so they were neighbors They grew up in a really small town down the block from each other Okay, in one time Darlene was really sick and Maxine took a toy from her house and brought it to Darlene and gave her the toy to make her feel better because she was sick. They were five and six years old. Oh, wholesome. They just met 75 years later. Okay. Darlene gave the toy back. That's so similar. And she said she's kept it all these years and she's waited to see her again to give it back to her. And this whole time she's been using it as like Christmas decorations or she like puts it up. But Darlene gave the toy back from 75 years ago back to Maxine. I love that so much. And I said to Sadra, I was like, you know, we do positive stories, right? Because this is like Key positive story about this. This is, this is it. This is top tier. And it's a write in. It's Persona. It's so per, like I know this person. So she said she would send this to Maxine so that she could hear it. Oh, Maxine. Hi, Maxine. I don't know you, but I love you. We love you. Your granddaughter is one of my favorite people on the planet, so you must be as wonderful as she is. And Sajor told me that you would think you were famous if you heard this. You are famous. Said out loud on a podcast. So guess what, Maxine? You are famous to us and we love you. You're an icon. Slay. Don't you forget it. Slay, Maxine. Slay. Slay. Anyway, that is the episode you guys. Wow, that was a long one, but it was so fun. That was so much fun. You did such a good job with that. Good. Glad to hear it, brother. Are you exhausted? No, I'm just passionate. Wow. I genuinely have not seen you light up over a person like this story. resonated with you. Thanks. Me too. Honestly, I hope you take some Martha into your day to day. I'm going to try. Go see Wicked, go have a great week, be more like Martha, love you mean it? Love you mean it! Bye! Bye! Bye! Bye!

Speaker 9: 2:15:07

podcast was produced by me, Bridget Shannon. Music is written and performed by Matt Derosiers. You can find his band, Super Stoker, anywhere you listen to music