Turtlenecked From Top To Bottom

On this week's episode, our Matriarch has returned for our 100th episode!!! And she brought us gifts!!!! Brb we're sobbing. Colleen has a new car, the Twilight series is still so, so bad and 9/11 cancelled Ellen Degeneres? We'll let you decide. Then Erin gets into the topic of the week... ELIZABETH HOLMES AND THERANOS. Come with us on this wild ride as we hear all about the phony baloney that is Elizabeth Holmes. Between the turtlenecks, fake voice and dancing into work every day, you're definitely going to get the ick. Then we do a segment called, "Erin Answers Everything" where Erin answers all your burning questions (and Colleen's stream of consciousness). Buckle up, Sippers!!! This is one hell of a 100th episode!

Sources:

• The Book "Bad Blood: Secrets and Lies in a Silicon Valley Startup" by John Carreyrou
• Elizabeth Holmes has started her 11 year prison sentence. Here's what to know - NPR Article
• Elizabeth Holmes - Wikipedia

Review and subscribe! You can find us on Instagram @Sippinwiththeshannons or send us your stories at Sippinwiththeshannons@gmail.com. Love you, mean it.

Transcript

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What was that, lady? Let it breathe. Let it breathe. Let it breathe. Let it breathe. You'd never know that they were talking about pussy. Cleefing words of wisdom. That was such a Smith boy move. Yeah, it was. Hi, gang. Hey. Hi. Well, welcome to this week's episode of Sipping with the Shannons. I can't stop smiling. We're cousins. And every other week we sit down, we sip on some wine, we talk some shit, we have a good giggle. I'm Bridget Shannon. I'm Colleen Shannon. And I'm Erin. 100th episode! Yay, congratulations ladies. Thank you. We don't know how we got here. I, I don't. Hopes, prayers. I wasn't involved. Wine. Cool edible here or there. Whatever it takes. Whatever it takes. Judgement free. How do you feel being this close to my face right now? I hate it. Just let the record show. Sharing is caring. We share blood, we share microphones. We kinda look like Sonny and Cher. Who's who? Well, you're Cher with that long dark hair. That would make sense. Have I told you that I loved you? Judas! Act two! Anyway. So, it's the tea, everybody. How was everyone's weekend? Well, I just want to say thank you for having me. You're so welcome. Couple notes. First of all, I'm feeling like this is going to be really hard to live up to A, the way you have spoken about me on this pod, which I do appreciate. I'm a jock. It's all true. I can't live up to that first part second part. I'm not sure I can top the 99 the nines Always come back for more. I'm shouting you out on Instagram. How could I possibly great meals get great deals? How could I possibly kids eat free when road talks win? How could I possibly? Top that he brought back the potato skin. I think just for you. I know so I'm a poor man's 99, but I don't have potato skins, but I did bring gifts She brought us gifts! You guys! We don't deserve you. Okay, close your eyes. Oh my god! There's like a whole thing happening! Okay. Okay, we're ready. To commemorate Oh my god. The Achievement. I want to cheat so badly. I'm freaking out. Okay, okay. We can open. Erin! I'm upset. It's I had a whole thing, like a corny little cringy thing about like, the fans giving you a hug. But truly, it's just cold in this room and I thought it was time to have some matching. Color coordinated sipping merch. Is this the first official sipping merch? Yeah. Well, we have wine glasses, but not with a hundred on them. Well, we've got to, we've got to acknowledge the achievement. Erin, I'm so upset. I would hug you, but I'll knock everything over and Bridget will be mad at me. Thank you so much. so much. This is so nice of you. It's so thoughtful. This is the best day of my whole life. We have to die tomorrow between Jesus Christ. That's okay. Good Lord. Aubrey Plaza was once on RuPaul's Drag Race. And at the beginning of the runway, Ru always comes out and they do a joke in Aubrey Plaza said, I have to die tomorrow because I've peaked today. And so I tend to quote that a lot, but that's what it's from. It's from well, Oh, she's doing well. I know. Poor Aubrey. Yeah, and then she, like, I kept thinking, what if her house burns down? It hasn't been bad enough. I don't think it, well, I mean, I hope, if it did, I hope they don't tell anyone, because people are weirdos, but. Yeah, for real. Obviously upset about everything that's happening, but for some reason one that got me was Zooey Deschanel's. Yeah. Why did it like, I was like, oh. I think it was cause like it was their family home and the pictures with the sisters and the, yeah, it was sad. That one hit different. Well, you know who else I felt really sad for when I saw? Manny Moore. Well, Manny Moore, yeah, I mean. She just seems like a sweet angel. Her house was in like Architectural Digest, like she had like a cute little house. No, Eugene Levy, they lost their family home. Oh, that makes me sad. that as well. That's such a bummer. Like the brains that created Schitt's Creek. We're raised in that house and now it's gone. That should have been on the National Archives. For real. Okay, how was everyone's weekend? Colleen? I have genuinely nothing to present. I went to Chili's. I was sober. It didn't slap. What? There was a lot of dust particles happening. It was just, like, not the vibe. There was a few hairs. It was just, it was not slapping the way it should have slapped. And I'm very upset about it because, you know, how we'd be feeling about Chili's. That's the second time you've been to Chili's and it didn't slap. No, so I think we, I literally texted the girly pops and was like, So I think we're done with Chili's for a while. And that's, that's, put it in history books. That's some shit. Yeah. Triple dippin There was a lot of children going on. It was just, it was not the vibe. It was not it. And you were sober on purpose? I was sober. Why? I didn't really drink this weekend. Okay. No, that's cool. I'm just saying if you're going to Chili's. No, I had a marg. I did. Naturally. I mean I had a marg. So I had a cup of sugar and sour mix. Because that's what the Chili's marg I'm not going to Chili's to get fucked up. I'm going for the vibes. And the vibes did not hit and I didn't get drunk. And that's fine. That wasn't my intent. I was with a pregnant person. Her first friend is pregnant and her life is over. Yeah, I mean, so is the pregnant friend's. No, I'm saying Like, I know it changes the vibes. It changes the dynamic for sure. We're accepting the vibes, but like, yeah, quietly. Wait till there's just a baby at the party. Erin, I've been trying to tell her the shift in which happens. Bringing the babies to the bar. Bringing the babies to the bar all 2025. Sorry, they must come with us. Well, we must quote one of the all time great movies of all time, Sweet Home Alabama. When she shows up, baby, you have a baby in a bar. In a bar. She's like, oh, this one's still on the tit. So I can cart it around anywhere. the best. Iconic. I have nothing to present a guitar, that's all. And you bought a car, Sarah Darling. I did buy a vehicle. It has some issues at the moment, but we're just not gonna talk about it. I, I Need you to explain how your brand new car has issues because this is fu to, to round up this story You got into an accident. Your car was totaled. Not my fault, not my fault to clarify. Not your fault. You then have to go to physical therapy and obviously file an insurance claim. You then go to Paris. While you are away, someone calls in that it is a danger to society, it gets towed, then you have to go to the tow place and get it back for 200 plus dollars, also not your fault. Then, when it gets towed The tow guy was cute though, he was cute. Then when it gets towed back, someone hits and runs. So you open a second insurance claim. Then your mother wins a million dollars on a scratch ticket, okay? Then you buy a new car and now there is an issue with a new car I need you to find the space in between the insurance claims in the scratch ticket I don't think anybody should have two insurance claims at the same time Like I just feel like that's illegal and like just really not the It's not the vibe, it's really not. Yeah, need to find a piece, space in between. At the moment, I was getting, I was getting an insh I was getting, I was getting It was getting! I was getting an inspection sticker, which is A big deal for you. More than I've ever fucking done, come on guys. That's an achievement on its own. So yeah, so I'm like thinking I'm that bitch. I'm pulling in, I'm like, Inspection! Inspect this bitch, please. I know, it's finally gonna pass. How much? Yeah, what you need from me, whatever. I've been like driving around with my registration in my purse, like I'm ready. She's registered. Yeah, she's registered. She is that bitch. She's insured. So I pull in he's like and I legitimately like, you know, when you know, like there's a vibe so I text Aaron directly because I dropped Aaron off at the nail salon and I was like, I'm going to get an inspection sticker. I text her. I go, this man is a crackhead. Something is not correct. Like with that. Sorry. I don't know. Like I have no other way to put it. He was looking at me through the window, waving at me before I, the garage door window. And I was Is this okay? Can I park here? Like Did not understand and he's like one minute one minute and then I go in it smells like an ashtray, which is like, okay It feels like home to me I knew you were gonna fucking say that More people would be like, but I'm like, okay settle in I'm sitting in a plastic chair in the lobby And then two other guys are coming by talking about the weather like, you know It's just I was like something's I texted the girlies and was like I'm having a time at the inspection sticker place whatever I pay and he comes in and he's like, hey, just letting you know there's a Something, something's off with your window, but it wasn't me, it wasn't me, I put the inspection sticker on the right side, it's your driver's side window. I'm completely ignoring him at this point because I hear that tone and I'm like, I don't give a fuck what you have to say to me, honestly. That's how I feel about like the Jiffy Lube guy when I'm getting, I'm like, shut up. So then I get, I get to my car and I'm like ignoring him and I go to turn it up and it goes up and then it goes, and it shoots down again. And I'm like, no, it's pouring rain, okay, it's So I'm like, what the fuck? And so he comes out with his other cigarette smelling assistant, and they're both trying to like, figure it out, they're grumbling to each other, and the whole time he's like, I didn't do it, I didn't do it, it wasn't me, I didn't even, why would I even touch the driver's side window? And I'm like, duuuuude, I'm saying nothing, I'm just sitting there, and he's like, we can tape it up, I'm like, it's fine, I live down the street, like, Just fuck off, basically. So I drive it home with the window down and the pouring rain, and I get home and I'm like taping it down with duct tape and trash bags. And I'm still driving it like that right now. This is a brand new vehicle. It's, yeah. No, it's not brand new. It's nine degrees out. Correct. So not the vibe. So I wore my fur today in the car with ten and two and it's flapping in the wind. And I was, I called my, I logged in, I was running late, so I logged into like my morning meeting and all I could hear was like, And I was like, I will see you in the office! And I hung up. They were like, what the fuck, and I, but they just know me by now that they're like, something, she's gonna roll in with a tire missing, like, it's just, it's a thing. I think we should not go back to that auto body shop to get the window fixed. I think we should find somewhere new. I'm like, if you saw the scene, you would know why I didn't go back. Yeah, that was the right move. That's maturity. Thank you, Erin. Erin, Jesus. And that's all I have to present, so sorry to say. What about you? Well, Friday I was at We watched Wicked. Joe! We sure did. Joe said, I'd watch Wicked. And Erin and I looked at each other, elated. Who is he? Yeah. Elated. He was like, what do you mean it's over two hours? We were like, it's not that bad. It's not that bad. It doesn't feel like it though, no? I still haven't seen it. I won't lie. Well, about two hours and ten minutes in, he was like, I told you this was more than two hours. I looked it up. And I said, Bridget said, yeah, but does it feel like it was two hours? And he said, no. We were like, right. It's moving. It's moving along. It's keeping your attention. It's a masterpiece. The kids riveted. So Danny is five, and he's just a very boy's boy. He likes trucks and dinos, and he's in this new phase where he doesn't like girl stuff. Like, at the end of Aladdin, he closes his eyes so he doesn't have to see them kiss. He says, that's gross. That's gross. No, true. And so, when it started, he was like, that girl likes pink. A lot. And I was like, that's true. That's a major plug. Didn't you like Elba? He, so he had his Kindle in front of him, and he was watching his dinos. Every single time I looked over at him when a song was on, he was looking at the TV. And Claire, at one point, was bouncing up and down like she was on a pogo stick that didn't exist, and was just cracking herself up. Just bouncing, like, had full blown zoomies. The Wizard and I came on, and she full, pit stopped, jaw slack, looked up at the TV, like, It was so fucking cute. Mesmerized. The feedback I got the following day, Danny told me that his favorite part were the flying monkeys. Naturally. Which he was very concerned about. He kept saying, what's happening to the monkeys? Are they hurt? Do they want the wings? Why are they doing that? Why do they have the wings? Now they can fly. They have wing. He kept saying it. And finally he, Bridget was like, Danny, we get it. Like the The monkeys have wings, but they're okay. They're okay. They like it. He was upset that they were upset. Got it. And he said, It's really hard to stop talking about them. Which, same. Summary of my life. The next day, Joe said, He was like, alright, so let me get this straight. Elphaba. And he's like, what's her name again? I'm like, Elphaba. He goes, yeah. So she's born green and people think something's wrong with her and they think she's wicked, but she's not really wicked. And then Glinda is like the cool, popular one and people think she's nice, but she's not really that nice, but she might be nice. And I was like, that's correct. That's the exact synop that's what you were supposed to take away. And then he goes, and she does the toss toss. And I was like, that is correct. Yes. You picked up on all the major plot points. So I would say the viewing was a success. Yeah, the kids were locked in. Locked in. It was a hit. Naturally. Your eyes are really green right now. You always say that when I'm wearing green. It's the sweatshirt. Yeah. I was at my parents the other day and my dad's eyes were blue. It was the weirdest thing. Like I actually was like, are you okay? Like they were blue, like as your sweater. Which never happens. It happens to you sometimes. Not that, like, they were sky blue. I literally was like, Are you my dad? I'm wearing my new Shiz University green sweatshirt brought to you by Santa, a. k. a. Colleen. And that's Tea. I will say I got another notification saying your item has shipped, like, two days ago, so if I get another one, I'll you. Matching! Matching Shiz! Yay! Twinning. I was like, okay. And then on Saturday, Paula, our girl, she got her MBA, she's been doing work, full time job, and in school for years and years and years, so we celebrated her, I had a pre game, it was perfect, we were like getting ready, there was a charcuterie board, we were making cocktails, there was Pussy Pop 2000 music on, and then we went to the bar and I pussy popped a little too hard. But you know what? We had a great time. No, you had to pop your pussy for Paula. Pop your pussy for Paula! She deserved it. She deserves the pussy. Paula, your lady's gonna pop that pussy like this. Shake your body, don't stop, don't stop. Well done. Well done, Paula. We're proud of you. Yeah, so proud of you, Paula. I also have stick on nails for the first time. And let me tell you, it has changed my personality. I'm feeling very cunty. I'm feeling very bitchy. I was at the bar the other night, and Brooke, my friend Brooke, was like, You're a little slutty tonight. They're making you a little slutty. And I was like, thank you. That hasn't happened since Panama Beach. Ha ha ha ha! Woo! Throwback! Anyway I have to tell you. Hungover on the couch the next day. Sadra and I are having a FaceTime, right? We each pick a bad movie. The worse it is, the better and we just giggle through it. Okay? One time she picked a lifetime original movie called Danger Girl. Neither of us have ever recovered from it. That just your just danger girl. It was about a grooming teacher. That's all I'm gonna tell you. He tries to escape with her to Mexico with a kayak. It was the worst thing. Mexico famously has a land border. No. I know. But did he go across the Gulf of America? So, it's too fucking soon. It's too fucking soon. I'm not ready to laugh. It's the funniest thing in the world. It's so fucking stupid. So anyway, the other night, for our movie, I picked Twilight. Because I'm like, it's awful. It's bad. And I haven't seen it in a hot minute. You guys were you sober for this? This is the skin of a killer Bella. It is so fucking bad. Hold on tight spider monkey I watched new moon So, I asked ChatGPT to write me a summary of New Moon. Are you ready? No, I'm not. The last time I watched it was on Mushrooms. Wait, can I just say, before we say this, the thing that most distinctly stands out to me about New Moon is the part in the book where it's just the month, and then you flip the pages. Erin, I literally was gonna say, you and I were so close. so distraught when it was like, January, February, or it was like, November, December, whatever the fucking months were. And she's just depressed. Did Bella invent bedrotting? Maybe. Pre TikTok? Who knew? Okay, here's, here's the summary from Chow Chibi Tate. Welcome back to Forks, Washington, where the weather is as gloomy as Bella Swan's life choices. After spending all of twilight looking like she just smelled sour milk, Bella, our human wet blanket, is now deeply in love with Edward Cullen, a sparkly vampire with the emotional range of a rock. Things kick off when Bella gets a paper cut at her birthday party and Edward's vampire brother Jasper decides to YOLO right at her like she's an all you can eat buffet. Instead of letting Bella switch to digital cards, Edward overreacts, dumps her in the woods, and moves away faster than you can say toxic relationship. Bella is devastated and spends the next few months staring out her window while emo music plays in the background. Truly iconic heartbreak energy. Enter Jacob Black, a walking ab workout with a smile. Jacob is Bella's childhood friend and they start hanging out. He's warm, sweet, and low key a werewolf. But who doesn't have baggage? They do fun, totally platonic things like fixing motorcycles and ignoring his obvious crush on her. Meanwhile, Bella discovers This is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. The way we ate this up. We were so feral over this series. Belle discovers she can hallucinate Edward whenever she does something life threatening, so naturally, she decides to become a part time daredevil. Who knew codependency could be so extreme? Remember she flings herself off that cliff? Yes! That's, that's how Alice thinks she's dead. Jacob's wolfy secret gets out after he and his friends start running around shirtless and growling at everything. Turns out his werewolf squad is sworn to keep vampires away and Bella's sparkly ex is at the top of their most wanted list. Awkward! Meanwhile, Edward hears a rumor that Bella's dead. Long story, blame Alice. Instead of texting anyone to confirm, he goes full Romeo and decides to No, it's so bad. He decides to yeet himself. Why is it that I don't really see anything wrong with the synopsis? It sounds exactly like Stephanie Meyer's writing. He decides to yeet himself. Yeet himself. Translation. Yeet oneself. I Is this when she runs through the fountain? Yeah, he decides to yeet himself. In Italy. In the sunlight in Italy so the vampire cuffs the Volturi will kill him. In front of all the tourists. Yeah, Bella rushes to stop him with Alice's help and we're treated to the wildest international chase scene ever. Involving a glittery suicide attempt, a creepy vampire cult, and Bella running dramatically insane. Bella saves Edward and they reunite with enough tension to make a soap opera blush. Back in Forks, Edward promises to never leave again, sure Jan. In Jacob, poor wolf boy gets friend zoned so hard, he probably howled at the moon for weeks. The only way he recovers is by falling in love with her infant daughter. So, we haven't even Five years every day. To top it all off Edward proposes to Bella because nothing screams stable relationship like almost dying in Italy. Cue dramatic stares, a cliffhanger ending, and a billion dollar franchise. Team Edward, team Jacob, team Bella needs therapy. You decide. I can remember so vividly in high school, there is a moment in Eclipse where Jacob and Edward are like fighting over her in a tent before a battle. And Jacob's keeping her warm because he's so hot. Yeah. And Edward is obviously cold and can't. And Edward stages a conversation so that he can overhear about them getting married and Jacob is like, You're marrying him? I guess I will go off to battle and just die then. And she's like, No, Jake, kiss me! I, re watching this, I could barely get through it. I could, it was the cringiest, and then they have a CGI'd Renesmee. The name alone. And he fucking imprints on her! As a child. Not to mention incredibly problematic because she meets one guy and acts like friends don't exist anymore. There's so many bad things about this movie. Series. Listen to Hire series. Is now the time for me to share that I think Taylor Lautner will be on the next cast of Dancing with the Stars. Oh! That's one of my predictions and my other prediction is both Heidi and Spencer. Yes, I agree with that. That makes sense. What is good with, why every time I open Instagram, it's Taylor and Taylor? Like, something about them really giving me the ick. I'm sorry. Well. Taylor Lautner is hot. I'm just gonna say it. I was always Team Edward. Taylor Lautner is fucking hot. As a Swiftie, I must tell you, he did the cringiest thing in the world. When she released Speak Now Taylor's version, which famously has a song about him on it called Back to the Summer. He was in the music video. She did for. I can see you to as part of that release. She was in Kansas city. Ironically, and she brought out the three people in the music video who were all like part of the Speak Now era. One of them being Joey King. I know, I'm spying on her. I cannot. The other being Taylor Lautner. And when he got out onto the stage, he did a backflip. I actually remember this. It was so Jacob Black coded, it, it sent me back to 2008. Well, it's from, yeah, but it also is from Valentine's Day. Shark Boy? You've never watched Shark Boy and Lava Girl? No, that's a different era. Shark Boy and Lava Girl, he, Sexual Awakening, everyone loved him. Interesting. Yes, they met on the filming of Valentine's Day. And doesn't he do a backflip? And she's like, oh. Yeah. She's like pretending to be a cheerleader. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I watched the entire Twilight series this weekend by accident. And that was my takeaway. That is too funny. That is problematic and awful. And Jacob is hot. Charlie could get it though. Charlie, when you reach an age. Justice for Charlie. Charlie could get it and they're so fucking mean to him. She's like, I'm going I have a terminal illness. She's pregnant and she's like, I'm going to Switzerland. Don't follow me and hangs up on him The way I would murder her. She's but 19 years old Yes, and can we just say what bad luck to lose to get pregnant when you lose your virginity that is like some cosmic You did something bad. Now you're asking for it, sorry. No, you did something bad to someone in your past life. That's so fucked up. Worst luck is that that baby immediately became a toddler. Like 30 minutes after it was born it was a toddler. Was immediately in love with a grown man. Let me tell you, as a first time mom, you are not ready for a toddler after 30 minutes. There's a reason why it takes an hour to get there. It's not fair. Do you think that our aunts and uncles are listening to this right now going, what the fuck are they talking about? Maybe. Maybe they've seen Twilight. We don't know. I hope not. That's true. I mean, I just can't see, like, Auntie Susie sitting down and watching Twilight. The way we were so feral over this series in high school and college. Have you ever heard like, the theory that 9 11 is what canceled Ellen DeGeneres? Because Because What?! 9 11 What the fuck, Erin?! 9 11 inspired My Chemical Romance. My Chemical Romance inspired Stephanie Meyer to write Twilight. Twilight inspired E. L. James to write the Fifty Shades of Grey fanfiction, which later starred Dakota Johnson. And when she was on the press tour, she canceled Ellen with the, well, that's not true, Ellen. You were invited to my birthday party speech. 9 11 canceled Ellen DeGeneres. I was going to ask you later what conspiracy theories you believe in. I was too! That was on my list of questions for her! That's one. That's crazy. Wow. I just screamed. Sorry. The butterfly effect. What the flap flap? The butterfly effect. Same blood, same brain. Don't get that close. I know we're sharing a microphone, but distance. Can I go pee? Sure. We can stop. Thanks. Okay, so we, this is super exciting. Because erin has the topic of the day. They're going to like her so much more than us. She may have to start her own podcast after this. No, we're setting it up too high. She's going to get upset. She's too old her sibling to handle that type of praise before the story even begins. So, it's going to be mediocre at best. Yes, exactly. So Erin, without further a dare, take it away! I have to say, I did have like a little bit of Sunday scares last night. I was like, what if I'm not prepared? What if I don't tell the story well? Oh, Erin. But I, I think this story is so absurd, like, that it just will lend itself to conversation. It speaks for itself. And I actually can't believe you guys have never done it. This is the story of Elizabeth Holmes and Theranos. I'm so, do you know the story? Loosely because of, only because of Amanda Seyfried and her annoying voice. Oh my god, it's so, when you said it, I was like, how the fuck have we not talked about this? And let's just say, shout out to Amanda Seyfried. That, she is so good at being so unlikable in that movie. She, it's worth a watch. What's it called? Hold on, let me look. It might be a TV series. I almost watched it too, and I'm actually really glad I didn't. The voice, when she's practicing the voice called The Dropout. Yes, yes. It's a show. It's a mini series. Well, it's based off a pod wasn't it a podcast? Wow. So, my sources for this episode are Oh! There we go. The book, Bad Blood, by John Kariu Kariru, from the Wall Street Journal. tells the whole story. If you want to, like, listen, or this there's, like, a podcast that did multi part episodes. I'm going to go off that. I have some stuff from NPR about, like, the later stuff, and honestly, the Wikipedia. But The book is so good. Basically it started as whistleblowers. Like he got wind of rumors and then he like got whistleblowers and he blew the lid off this thing. So he is a main character but he also wrote the book. I always picture you like in This Life or Next being the journalist who figures it out and blows the cover off of the story and is like the main. source for it all. Agreed. I mean, it's a dream. Okay. So, the star, well, I don't know, maybe the villain of the story is Elizabeth Holmes. So she is Like a nerd, but like not a good one. She's like a try hard, like, pick me dweeb. Okay, so let's, well, let's start where she was born. She was Boys aren't bullying. Does she have a boy cousin? She was born in 1984 in Washington, D. C. Her parents are like, one of her parents works for the government, and her dad works for Enron. Okay, and this matters. I don't know enough about Enron. I can't, I can't do that. But Enron famous scandal. Let's call it that of like the early 2000s, late 90s. Her dad works for Enron. And I think that plays into the story. But basically, they're like wealthy ish. She's like a try hard. And we're going to fast forward to the part where She becomes obsessed with becoming a billionaire at the age of 10 now 10 like at 10 I was obsessed with like having my own library that looked like Bell's like I was obsessed with like Holly pocket my My toe touch having straight knees like I was we were literally with Karen practicing Beyonce Destiny's Child during her teens. I was writing down, like, the ERAs of the ten, like, best starting pitchers in baseball when I was ten. I think that was just you. Oh, okay. Okay. So, she used to memorize the license plates. When we were in Long Car When we went to visit Shannon, we were going to New Jersey, she would memorize license plates. It was so fucking funny. You know what? Everyone's on a spectrum, okay? So at 10, she decides she's gonna become a billionaire. And kind of why this matters is because essentially everything that follows is at the sake of her ambition. Yeah. Like, she presents herself as the hero of the story that, like, wants to change the world. But the truth is, she wanted to become a billionaire, she wanted to be famous, she wanted to invent something, and she basically did. Nothing to succeed in that except lie. I'm kind of the person that reads the last page of the book, like, just in case I die. What if I, like, get hit by a bus and I don't know how the book ends? So I like to look up the end of a movie. I like to look up the end of a book when I'm reading it. Not always, but sometimes. And let me just tell you, the end of the story is she's a fucking liar. She's the biggest fraud. the biggest liar in the world. She's such a fraud. So the story is about though how we got here. It's just great drama. So anyway, she goes to Stanford. She gets into Stanford because she takes like a Mandarin class in high school and she becomes like an expert Mandarin speaker, which I think just means like fluent, but that's what they call her. And anyway, she gets into Stanford and she Starts becoming an engineer and almost immediately drops out. So trigger warning She does later claim there was an assault that led her to drop out So this is part of the thing with Elizabeth Holmes every time you think you see the pivot point There's like another version of the story for her. So well when you tell a lot of lies Yeah, and I mean she filed the police report so the thing definitely happened to her and obviously that's awful But it's like she says that's pivot point but like it's It's part of the complicated story that is Elizabeth Holmes. It's not helping. No. So she drops out, I think her sophomore or junior year, and she decides she's gonna start a company. Cool. Get it. She has become obsessed at this point with Steve Jobs. She's only wearing black turtlenecks. Oh my god, the turtlenecks. I forgot about the turtlenecks. She's only wearing black turtlenecks, and she is obsessed with basically creating the iPod. Like, that's all she can think about. But she decides she's gonna do this through healthcare. And again, part of her story, who knows how much of it is true, is that she's deathly afraid of needles. Now, we know that that's real, so like maybe she is, but this becomes like her driving thing. And she essentially, after like some internships and whatnot and like, Meeting with mentors at Stanford or whatever. She decides she's gonna patent this thing called the Thera Patch. That was like a band aid that would draw blood, analyze it, and then give you the drug you needed. Obviously, this is impossible. That is insane. For a variety of reasons. Yeah, but. If it was, it would have been invented already. Yeah, and like. Well, diabetics are like, going to have every single medicine just carried around on a patch? Like, it just doesn't, the thing never made sense, but it got enough attention that she was like, this is what I'm going to do. Well, she's clearly charming because she ends up fooling some of the richest people. People in the country and on the planet. Yep. So she has some charm to her. She's like, has some like witch shit going on. Like she, yeah, she has like some vibes that people are into. So she drops out of school in 2003. I was done. Wait, no, I have to tell you the actual worst part of her. And I have a video. You have to hear her voice. Oh, the voice fucking kills me. Also, like, Maybe it's just bitter because like she has a skinny neck, like what's that like? But like, fuck your, like, fuck your tonal neck. This is her voice. 11 years we've reinvented the traditional laboratory infrastructure. Well, it's wonderful to be here. Does she have an Adam's apple? No, she's just a phony fucking baloney. Okay. Phony baloney. As my Danny would say, auntie taught me to lie and lie her pants on fire. And that's what she is. But, by 2004, one year after she's dropped out, she's already raised like 10 million dollars. And she's named the company, it's called Theranos, and she's cooking, okay? So, basically what happens is, she realizes that the patch is never going to work, because It's not real. It's not real. And she abandons this for the idea of a cartridge reading sample. So, basically, it boils down to, instead of getting a needle and filling the jars, you know, they pinch your finger and they fill all these little jars and they send it off. Yeah. They're going to poke you one little time, it's going to fill this tiny little tube, and it's going to diagnose anything and everything that could be diagnosed with blood. That's the dream. And, it's a good idea, but again, immediately, everyone she talks to is like, it's impossible. Legitimately, we do not have the technology for that. It does not. It's not real. But this time, instead of being like, you know what, actually, that doesn't sound real, she double, triple, quadruples down. At the same time, she meets a man at one of her internships called Sonny, his name is Sonny Balwani. And at the time, he's 20 years older than her, so he's in his 40s and she's like 20. He's married. He leaves his wife and they begin a romantic relationship. They are so toxic. Let me show you a picture of Sunny Balwani just so you can. This is not, this is not Dev Patel. Okay. This is not hot Dev Patel. This is, this is an old round man. Yeah. It's not, it's not good. And again, this is another one of those places where it's like, ultimately she will say that Sunny and her were in a toxic relationship and that his. The things that happened were his ideas and ultimately he will say he worked for her and it was all driven by her. And there's kind of no way to know. That's the the thing of that makes this so interesting is there's no way to know. But let's just say He eventually he doesn't start working for her for like five more years But at this point he's heavily involved and he eventually becomes the chief operating officer of Theranos. She's the the CEO She hires this guy named Ed Koo to be her main engineer and to turn this idea into something real And she insists that only using a drop of blood is enough. And again, people are like, Meh, I don't know about this. But Ed finds himself in an impossible position because as her lead engineer, he realizes that he can't communicate any of his concerns to anyone. The company is monitoring all of these people's conversations on social media. They are restricting employee to employee conversation. Okay, so there's no slack. They're not allowed to talk to each other. You can't talk to each other. You can't talk to anyone else. You can't take any printed materials out of the building and they're expecting you to work like 15 hour days, 7 days a week. And it was, you know, it's Silicon Valley in the early 2000s, they're like, we provide breakfast, lunch, and dinner, like, aren't you grateful for us? And it's like, no, actually, you're killing us and like mentally abusing us. But they also would sell the dream, like you're going to be part of the biggest company in the world and you're going to be Oh yeah, they all had shares. You're gonna get stalked, and You're gonna change the world. You're gonna be part of this thing that she It's selling the dream, and then when you get it, it's like a cult. And then you get in there, and you're like, Wait, I'm not allowed to eat with my coworkers, and I can't say anything negative without getting, watching someone get fired, and It just spirals. Yeah. Well, a lot of things do. I might be asking you about stalks later. Oh god, Colleen! As the months go by, she starts getting frustrated because in the meantime, she's fundraising and she's out there putting herself out there saying, like, we're going to change the world, but she needs to show something. And Ed is, to his credit, trying to do this the right way. And he's like, nothing's working. She starts hiring engineers and he realizes they're not reporting to him. And he's like, what are these people working on if I'm working on the thing we're selling? Over time, she convinces Pfizer, now famous from the vaccine, but then not as famous. Well, maybe they were. I don't know. What did I know in 2004? But anyway, she convinces them to start testing out her thing. But It doesn't work. Like it just, it doesn't. And don't they try to, like when you were saying he goes for the proper channels, they're trying to get CDC, like they're really trying to get FDA approval and have research studies and all this stuff. Right, so there's some legitimacy at the beginning. They're trying. Yeah. One guy is trying. And what's happening is when the, the blood is being tested, it's coming back with an error message. And they could like fix it, but it was happening 80 percent of the time. And when Ed realizes that this trial involves patients who have cancer, he's like, we can't test their blood and tell them it means anything. These people's lives depend on it. And she's like, no, no, no, I'll plow ahead. So in the meantime, she has created a second engineering team. to compete with Ed and his team. And they come up with something called the Edison. So she kind of ditches the cartridges, the mini versions, and they come up with this thing. It's like as big as, like, one of those old Macs. It's like essentially a big old computer. And you put the blood in it and it would do, like, all these different tests. It essentially, like, mimicked what a lab tech would do, but, like, with robotic arms. But it's huge, and it's big. Also doesn't work. She decides they're gonna double down on the Edison, and she fires Ed and his whole team. And ditches the whole thing. This is the main engineer she's had working for her this whole time. So, they keep like, working on this Edison, and she decides it's the time to like, go public with the Edison. Of course, she thinks she's an inventor, she names it the Edison. despite the fact, again they're saying, this doesn't really work, we're getting a lot of error messages, it's inconsistent, and it can only test for about 12 things. So, she's telling people, fundraising, that it can test for like hundreds of diseases and it can really only test for 12 and it can really only test like one thing a day because it's not working well enough and it takes all this, all these steps inside the machine. She doesn't care. So, in the meantime, the work culture at Theranos is deteriorating. Like, I mean, obviously, well, yeah, they do the shareholder meetings where they come out like dancing to hip hop and she's like doing her little, she's so cringy. Puke. They say that she would park her car in the morning. She would work like 20 hours a day and she like lived in the office, but she would make a point to show up in the morning when everyone else came and she would listen to in her car just blaring hip hop, like zoning out in her car for everyone to see while they walk in. She is the worst. This is what I mean. Colleen's face right now. She's obsessed with the vision right now. She's like 30 at this point. She's young. So this is where it's like maybe Sonny was pulling the strings because how would she even know to fake all this a loser. But to have that, okay, so there is a part of this where she is smart and she is ambitious and she clearly If she can get funding from some of the biggest, most richest people on the planet, use it for fucking good! Yeah, but her reasoning behind it from the beginning was not correct. Right, right. The whole point is she's driven blindly by her ambition. In the ego, yeah. Yeah, she knows enough to know, like, saying this is going to change the world and change healthcare works, but not enough to care about what that means for the patients in between to get there. You can be in healthcare in any capacity, but if you're But it always drives me nuts like when we think about the submersible and that guy Stockton Right the guy who ran it the amount of people who are like this isn't working You are going to kill people in these blindly ambitious Rich people who are just like, Nope, I'm gonna, JFK Jr. has a whole ass broken leg and is like, I don't care about the weather. I'm a fly plane. But daddy, I want an Oompa Loompa now. Yeah. Legit. Just listen to people. You hired them to give you feedback. Listen to them. So, not only is she not listening to them, she's not even letting them talk to each other. So, productivity has come to a fucking halt at Erin O's. In 2007, she starts recruiting people who work for Apple because now she's become obsessed with the iPod and she wants the technology to look like the iPod. She's fully on the Steve Jobs train. She can't get off. Jesus Christ. An employee named Anna starts basically saying, she's one of the employees that comes from Apple. And she starts saying like, Things are awry, and this sends Elizabeth into full fledged paranoia, as it should, because she's almost Does she willingly know that this is, like, incorrect, or is she delusional? So she'll say she was optimistic later, but, like, Sunny's like In court? Yeah, Sunny testifies like, no, we knew. But she's like, no, I was trying to change the world. Again, she's a, she's a complicated person, but anyway, she tells, she tells team members that they're not allowed to make eye contact with board members. She demands unconditional loyalty from her employees and she fires those who are not loyal enough. Everyone from Ed's engineering team is gone. It's a dictatorship. And she starts telling people all the issues were fixed. So This woman, Anna, she raises concerns to someone who she has a connection with outside of the company on the board. And basically, it starts to get to the level where they're like, Hmm, something's not right because last board meeting I asked for these documents and they were under legal review and now it's three months later and they're still under legal review. Or I saw this earnings report and it doesn't match the last year's earnings report. Like they're starting to, for the most part, these are pretty smart people. They're putting together their problems, but they're also not, they're trusting her. So when she says X, Y, and Z, they believe her, but it starts to get out of control. She has a mentor too. So the guy who plays it is the guy from Law and Order. Do you know who I'm talking about? I think his name is George Schultz. He looks like your ex boyfriend's dad. Oh, good lord. Yeah, he does. Yes. That's true. Her high school boyfriend's dad looks just like this guy. And he is like her mentor and even his son works there. Am I skipping ahead? His grandson. Okay. Okay. Sorry. I won't skip ahead. No, no, no. It's a, that's a good part of it. But basically, so this one guy on the board starts to be like, I'm reviewing these documents and it's not adding up. Eventually, they force him to resign. So this, this, it becomes a pattern where somebody raises a red flag and she just gets rid of them. She either fires them herself or she convinces the people around them, these people gotta go. I can't. Yep. So fucking crazy. So where this starts to really take a turn is she's doing a demo. For a company and the Edison just keeps spitting out error messages and so in front of people so one of the Yes wolf except that this is somebody's real blood who thinks they're being tested for real diseases So it's like, woof, but also like, find another friggin guinea pig, you know what I mean? Like, these are real people that are involved. And there's lots of money. That is so manic of me, and you're gonna be like, Colleen, please. When I was younger, okay? When I was in like, Oh, for God's sake, what? No, I was in the fourth and the fifth grade. You know how you do like a science project every year? So my mom's like, oh, I got one for you. I found one online. And it was basically you put two grapes on the end of a straw, and like, it's supposed to like, go with a magnet. But like, it legitimately didn't work, and my mom sent me to school to present that as my science fair project, and it literally didn't work. And did you just pretend it did? I was like, oh, hold on one second. And then I would like knock it with my pinky and like let it go. And I'd be like, whoo! In front of the whole class. Like my mom. You're Elizabeth Holmes. Yes. My mother fully sent me to school and was like, don't worry. Well, that's exactly what she did. And that's a very keen observation, except she was doing it with billions of dollars. And real people in blood. I mean, you could have just been like, the spirit of Jesus compels the magnet. It's fine, half of them got pregnant probably, like, fucking 18 anyways. They were telling you to believe a lot worse than that fucking magnet. I was gonna say. I think it's okay. No, that's literally perfect. Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. But okay, so. Dawn, one of the board members, witnesses this scene and he convenes a meeting and he's like Shit ain't right. Things are going bad. Now, she's going on like four or five years of this now, okay? Imagine having the Sunday scaries for five years. Imagine showing up with your grapes on a straw every day for five fucking years. No. No. She's gotta be losing it, but she plows ahead. What meds is she on, man? Right. So they convene this meeting. They decide to vote her out. They invite her into the meeting to say her final words. Peace. Yep. And she convinces them to keep her. And later This guy says, this is a direct quote, When you strike at the king, you gotta kill him. And in this case, the queen survived. And Todd and Dawn were fired the next week. The two guys on the board that raised flags. Oh my god. So meanwhile, Sunny's running everything. She hires her brother, and to, to come be part of an engineering team. He has absolutely no engineering skills or experience. He frat. They call them the frat pack. They appetism. They do nothing. at the company except display blind loyalty to her so she begins to rely on them as her main confidants and decision makers at the company. Sick. So imagine you have, you're in Silicon Valley. This is a billion dollar company at this point. They have like brilliant hard work and the friggin frat pack is making the decisions. They're like, that's cool. When is Pong? As the Chief Technology Officer, she is paying Sunny, her now live in boyfriend, 40 million a year. Oh my god. So, she hides their relationship from the board. Eventually, it comes to light because they're Living together. But by all accounts, Sunny and Elizabeth's relationship is tumultuous. there's turmoil, they fight a lot. They ended up releasing a bunch of their text messages and they're so cringy. Like at one point she says to him, You are the breeze on the beach. And he doesn't answer and she writes like, no response question mark. It's so bad. She should be on multiple. It's giving me the ick. I know. But there are texts from him. I know she has a bush. I just know it. I mean, he was a literal boomer. Maybe he was into it. I've been a drunk, honestly. No one was thinking that. Turtle necked from top to bottom. Bush to tush. I'm clutching my pearls. Anyway, back to the text messages. There are messages where he's like, I'm sorry about last night. I won't do that anymore. I'll be better. So like he is obviously a piece of shit, but I mean, he did leave his, his wife for 20 year old called dropout who started a fraud. No graduation day for you. Okay. So this is where things start getting really off the rails. She ends up signing She ends up signing Walgreens and Safeway as huge customers, and they agree to be like her people. They are going to be like her exclusive distributors, and they're going to use her machines in their stores to diagnose real life fucking patients. Walgreens is tough. Walgreens spends 50 million on Theranos cartridges. None of them have ever worked. I need to say this again. Nothing has ever worked. Every finance report, every projection, earnings projection, every Safety efficacy check has been a lie. Photoshopped, fraudulent, exaggerated, a lie. It should be fired on site. Do you think people are selling them on eBay now? I know, what could we get our hands on a Theranos cartridge? I love that. You said this about the black card for Fyre Festival too. When Billy made like a exclude, you were like, I'm like, it doesn't do anything. Yeah, but like the other day I opened one of my drawers and I found like a Super 8 motel card and I was like, I kept that for a reason. Like, I just like to keep weird things. She's a collector. Sorry, Okay, so Safeway also spends 30 million dollars to build clinics, wellness centers in their stores. None of these people are like checking for anything and anything they did give them is fake and then some, again, some people are like, hmm, this looks weird and she just convinces them otherwise or fires them or whatever. She turns to this idea of the mini lab, again, coming back to her Steve Jobs like obsession and she says that This little tiny tube will run hundreds of tests. That little thing of blood. Knowing full well, it's impossible. Right. So what the company starts doing is they buy blood testing equipment from other companies. What? They take the samples at these new Safeway Wellness Centers. They ship them to Theranos. Test them with the other company's technology that actually works. And then send them back. As if it's from them? Yes. It's only testing for about 12 diseases. They're 87 percent wrong. One patient is told that they had a stroke. And brings themselves to the emergency room only to be discharged two days later with a clean bill of health and like hundreds of thousands of medical bills. These 350 million dollars worth of Safeway Wellness Centers start to be staffed with actual employees who think they have a real job, but the technology doesn't work. They're supposed to take one hour, they take sometimes two weeks. Half of the messages back to these patients say, Error. The whole thing is a goddamn fraud. Oh my god. It's a sham! Again, instead of owning up to any of this or doing anything to fix this, she decides it's time to court the military. And she tells them that her technology will be able to diagnose soldiers on the front lines, changing military technology forever. Stop. No, I'm mad now. Stop. Now I'm upset. Yep. That's so fucked up. I did not remember that. At this point she was Henry Kissinger, the once famous Secretary of State onto the board, and a Mattis. Oh good god. Okay. She is gonna burn in the fiery pits of hell right next to Kissinger. Where it really is like, people start to notice, she hires a marketing team, and shout out the marketers, they're like, girl, you ain't got nothing to back this shit up. No PR can help you, bitch. Let me proceed. Yeah, they're like, none of these things work. And we can't say any of this. Imagine her company on the TikTok, though. I was gonna say, no TikTok dance can save her. Picture her being like, No, no. No. I refuse. So, at this point, they launch a website, but they start, watering down their claims. I think the marketing firm definitely is like, you gotta dial some of this back. Just lie less. Listen, sis. Don't give it all up, but lie a little less. But she claims she's building a religion. What the fuck is wrong with these people? She is featured on the front of Forbes magazine in 2013? 2014? Holding a little tiny vial of blood and it says, This CEO is out for blood. And it names her as the first ever female self made billionaire. Disrespect females. Because the company. Yeah, right? This is like in Veep when Amy says to Julia Louis Dreyfus, there will never be another woman president because you were so bad at being one. This is one of those. Veep is one of the greatest shows ever written. Have you ever watched Veep? No. Oh my God. The best. Highly recommend. So she uses like the Walgreens and the Safeway deals to launch herself basically into stardom. And it works. People buy it up. The deep voice. She's on all the TV news. She's on the cover of Forbes. What she always wanted. Yep. I mean. Again, unseated only by Kylie Jenner, youngest billionaire ever, who was also, by the way, a fraud But these, the thing with Elizabeth Holmes was she owned half the company shares and the company was evaluated, whatever the term is. Yeah. At$9 billion. So it was real money. She was raising the real money. It was just not doing anything real with it. So she, Sonny keeps giving these ambitious revenue projections that the company would make up. billion dollars by 2015. It becomes what they call a unicorn, which is like a startup that ends up being worth over a billion dollars. She's featured on the cover of Forbes, on Fortune. She's on USA Today, Fox Business. She's named one of the hundred most influential people in the world by Time magazine. Her security team grows to 20 people. She hires a personal chef to cook all her meals and she travels on a private jet all for the sake of like her ego. None of it is real. I can't stress this enough. It's like, I was just gonna say, it's Anna Delvey. It's these people, the, the Billy, what's his face. Can we get this bitch on Dancing with the Stars? Oh, no. Sun. This is where, close where Icarus flew too close to the sun because the more attention she attracts, the more smart people that know this is bullshit. Start to realize this girl's full of shit, right? Because what she's promising is technologically impossible. So, and the people love, we love a comeback story, but we love to tear down and if you're in on it and you are watching her skyrocket and you're working 15 hours a day and you're getting fired, you know those upset employees are like excuse me. We love a hater. Sorry. We listen and we do judge Elizabeth Holmes. We love a hater. Sorry. So, John Kerry Roo is tipped off at the Wall Street Journal. Somebody calls him and he's like, something doesn't smell good. Now this is where her treatment of her employees really starts to come back to burn her because by the way, she hasn't been fucking nice or fair to anyone in ten years. And all these people are desperate to air her shit out. No one has anything nice to say. People have bad things to say. No one wants to come forward and be like, I loved her. Like if, you know, it's like a review on Yelp. In general, the more someone demands your loyalty, the less they deserve it. And she is demanding the shit out of these people. How's that for piping hot tea? Hang that in the fucking Louvre. So John starts to write his stories for the Wall Street Journal and He gets in contact with an engineer who had, who had left the company who confirms that the Edison's are highly error prone. They repeatedly fail quality control. Out of the 240 tests, only 80 could be done on the finger sticks. Hardly any of these are done actually on Theranos devices. They're used hacking Siemens commercial analyzers. The results of the tests are unreliable. They would fake lab data, a syphilis test that gave actual accurate results, or Was only accurate 65 percent of the time. Data was fudged to show an accuracy of 95%. Vitamin D tests were approved for on patient testing. Consistently failed control checks. Vitamin D? But like all this stuff when you, you know, when you go get your blood work or whatever, you look at it and you're like, I don't know what any of this shit means. But then your doctor calls and they're like your liver is not working and it's like well I didn't, how did you tell that from that, you know? So all these things like add up and basically the cat is like out of the bag at that point. And so John starts to get these like Whistleblowers and he ends up connecting with a doctor whose patients were affected by the Walgreens testing and That's the patient who had this, like, had the stroke but didn't really have a stroke. And there's all these horror stories of theranosis tests that, like, didn't work. And the thing she's promising all along, right, that she's afraid of needles and this little tiny pinprick will do it all, is actually resulting in these patients having to have dozens and dozens of blood work tests done with huge needles. Don't use sick people as a fucking pain cushion for your ego. So. Ugh, I hate her. The Wall Street Journal gets an email demanding that all the paperwork he has compiled from Whistleblowers is destroyed. They go on anyway. They pressure the doctors to recant the statements, the doctors go on anyway. Elizabeth starts courting Rupert Murdoch, who owns Fox News. You've got to be fucking kidding me, Erin. Rupert Murdoch is the guy that Succession's based on. Like, he's that powerful, okay? She starts courting him with the hopes that he will kill the story. And he declines. But at the same time, by the way, she also courted Robert Kraft. Turns out he was only in for a little bit, but he was in because it turns out he likes He's not opposed to much. He doesn't mind getting rubbed and tugged. I'm sorry. Bob, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Robert Kraft must have press on nails because he is slutty. Bob, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. Okay. So, Bob, I love you. On October 15th, 2015, the first story in the Wall Street Journal was published and Elizabeth does what any true religion maker would does, she says, This is the price of being an ambitious female. They're gonna bring me down. This is what the world wants to tarnish a hard working woman's legacy. You're ruining it for us! Again, as the Queen Taylor Swift said, I look directly in the sun but never in the mirror. Look directly in the fucking mirror. One time, take a deep breath and say, Hmm. The call is coming from inside the house. What could I do better? She starts to claim that they have FDA approval, which they don't have. The FDA is like, not us, must be a different FDA. And the Wall Street Journal just, once it, it's open, they just keep getting tips. So they just keep running these stories and it's, it's spiraling. Yeah. Yeah. Immediately, Safeway and Walgreens, probably thanks to their very smart PR people, back out of these deals. And they're like, something ain't right. And what starts to happen is a. Slew of lawsuits, so oh my, I can't even imagine the sunday scaries Well, so I would sue her for every fucking dime I could so like, you know how these law things work, you know You know before like she gets arrested There are all these civil cases, so anyone who's like contributed money or been a, whatever, these lawsuits start, like, piling up. Sonny quits the company or he says he quit, she says she was fired, she fired him, but The, the, the meltdown is happening. Right, right. Are they still romantic? It's just a little too late. This is when they break up and she starts to tell everyone he was actually abusive the whole time. Woes me. Yeah. Which again, this is the thing, maybe he was. Yeah, he, it he was 20 years her senior. And it did seem toxic. That's fair. I mean, spending 20 hours a day at the office is toxic anyway, especially if you're doing it with your significant other, like And lying. Yeah. I know you're lying. So All of these investors start suing for like a hundred million dollars. Walgreens and Safeway sue. They have this law firm that they hire. They agree to pay like four million dollars to 76, 000 people who had taken blood tests that were falsely run and whatever. 76, 000. Guinea pigs basically. It's so fucked up. Their full nationwide rollout is completely rolled back. And finally, she's barred from the company, and she has to pay back a large portion of her shares. But at this point, the company has taken such a, a plummet, it's like not even worth anything anymore. She can't even pay these people off. She continues to lay people off. They have like 800 employees in 2015. By 2018, they're down to 130. Spoiler alert, they're zero now. Like, for real. They're just Who the fuck would work for her ever again? Yeah, they're plummeting. So, this is when the FBI is like, hmm, seems like something might be going on here. We're surfing them. Oh my god. In September of 2018, the company announces that it has formally dissolved. And its remaining cash and assets will be distributed to its creditors. So this is all these rich ass men that just were like, Her deep voice is really interesting to me. I'm gonna give her a hundred fucking million dollars. But there's It didn't probably even, like It didn't even break the ba I mean, she lost nine billion dollars. Basically, all she had left was like the building they had their offices in, and the furniture. You could solve world hunger with that money. But all she wanted to solve was her ego, her ambition. Because she could have been doing, if she had listened early on. And said, like, they said, like, look, this is impossible. The same way she did with the patch, she could have pivoted and said, well, what ways can we improve blood testing in this country? What ways can we work with insurance to make blood tests simpler? Like everybody could have an at home blood test. You know, the Kohler guard commercials where you shit in the box and mail it back. Like she could have invented that she could have invented something that help people, but she didn't, she didn't want that. She didn't want it. Yeah. She wasn't even looking for a way to help. That wasn't the dream. The dream was all about money and ego and being famous. Yeah, so the U. S. Attorney's Office for the Northern District of California convenes a grand jury and they indict the shit out of her. Yeah, yeah! And Sonny, on nine counts of wire fraud and two counts of conspiracy to commit wire fraud. They both plead not guilty. And like, without getting into all the legal stuff, essentially, they blame each other. They both say it can't be either of us because it was actually the other one and that's when a lot of the stuff about the relationship starts to come out or whatever but To Elizabeth's fault, she was the face of it. She claimed the credit, so you sort of claim the blame. So, this all takes like a long time. By the time she actually gets sentenced, it's January of 2022. And, yeah, so recently there's a mistrial on three counts. It's just a messy thing. There's not a lot of people. Like, it's hard to find a jury that doesn't know anything about her in Northern California at this point. She faces a maximum sentence of 20 years in prison and a fine for each kind of wire fraud. In the meantime, girlfriend falls in love. I, I swear to fucking god. How do these people have significant others and find love william Evans, he is the heir to a hotel. I can't. Yep. The heir to a hotel inheritance. And that's what she looks like now. I'd I would. I wouldn't. They'd be too skinny for me, but. They meet in 2018 while all this is happening, so right after she breaks up with Sunny. They marry in a secret ceremony in 2019. And they have a baby in 2021. And she has a whole ass child. When she shows up to her sentencing in 2022, she is pregnant again. She shouldn't be allowed to procreate. Now, again, with everything with her, there's two versions of the story. Her critics will tell you she got pregnant on purpose to delay her sentencing. Because they're not going to send an eight month pregnant woman to jail. No, she's calculated. She will say, like, I am in a new place. I've, you know, Started fresh. Seen the light. I want to expand my family and what will be will be. Good God, this woman, she's the duality. She's a sociopath. She's playing chess. Yep. So on November of 2022, despite being pregnant, she is sentenced to 11 and a quarter years in federal prison. And she can't like serve on the board of any publicly traded company. There's all these kind of yeah. And her and Sonny are jointly. Expected to pay 452 million in restitution to the victims of the fraud. No wonder she walked out on air. Yeah, seriously. Somebody I mean, her kids kids kids will still be paying that money back. Holy shit. She is in a minimum security federal prison in Bryan, Texas. Because it's not violent. So she's, and she's white and wealthy. No. So she has the baby and the judge rules in May of 2023 that she has to surrender to custody on May 30th of that month, accepting that she needed time to arrange child care for her two children. She reports to prison. And in July of 2023, the Bureau of Prisons projects that Holmes would be released from prison in 2032, approximately two years early in accordance with the Bureau's guidelines for good conduct. My god, she has appealed her conviction Her lawyer argues that the judge Messed things up. It's all blah blah blah. Everybody knows what she did. Yeah specifically like around cross examination of The lab director, who kind of They're grabbing at straws. Yeah. They're, I mean, that's what They're trying to find every loophole they can. Yeah. That's what her lawyer is supposed to do. I was gonna say, that's what they pay him for. Okay. Or her for. Can't hate on that. One last wrinkle. George. The board member, George Schultz, who you mentioned earlier. This is a part of the book that, like, just jumped out to me, because it just goes to show how deeply these people who supported her were in her pocket. George Schultz gets a job for his grandson at the company, and his grandson becomes one of the whistleblowers. And he goes to his grandfather and he's like, T. Papa. Things are It's Red Mama. It's me. Anastasia. Wait. It's so funny you say that. I was going to say, she's basically rescuing. The way she's convincing these people to believe her. She's a modern day rescuing. But anyway, the summary is, he goes to his grandfather and he's like, this is all a fraud and I can prove it. And the grandfather cuts him off. They never spoke again. That's how much these people believed her. He was like, don't talk about her like that. She's important to me. And he was like, I'm your whole ass grandson. And she's a liar. Is the magic grandpa doing that to us? No, he would never. The gobbler strikes again. Also turns out, by the way, her voice, fake. She uses her regular voice now. Oh, you don't fucking say. Does she have like a girly pop voice? Yeah, oh there's, there's, I have a video for you. It's totally normal. It's deep, but it's not. The difference. The difference. So yeah, that is the story of the Liar Liar Pants on Fire. That's criminal. No. The voice. That's, that's jail time. She should be indicted on her fake voice. I think the top five things she's did wrong in order are number one, the turtlenecks. Number two, the voice. Number three, frauding and torturing 70, 000 guinea pigs. Oh my God. Number 27 is defrauding the rich old men because I don't really care about them, but she, I mean it was illegal. Number, I don't know what number we're on, her showing up to work like that. Yikes. Please, everybody, if you thought the story was interesting at all, watch Amanda Seyfried dance. Oh my god, when she's practicing the deep voice in the mirror, I die. It's the biggest ick on the planet. She does so good though. She does so good. In the movie, or the show does like give more backstory about her early life and kind of like what led her to have this ambition or whatever. And I mean, I think all people, right, are complicated and complex and there's a lot to be said about. What leads people to do what they do, but there's just nothing more annoying to me than, like, being that much of a try hard. Yes. I hate a pick me. you should have just peaked when you learned Mandarin in the 7th grade. Yeah, no, I agree. Get into your fucking Ivy League and shut up. Also, what's wrong with your parents? You're 10 years old and you're like, I want to be a billionaire. If that was my kid, I'd be like, tough luck. Yeah, try Legos. Me too, bitch. Get on a bike. Get on a bike. Well, my mother said that anyway, but it wasn't because I wanted it. That was us Okay, so this is the part of the episode where we ask Erin everything. Erin answers everything? Is that what you're calling it? Erin answers everything. Okay, so we have Colleen's questions that are going to be completely out of control and then I have the questions from the listeners. So Colleen, please, begin. Okay, but like historically, like, Erin knows everything to me. Okay, but Erin hates that you put her on the pedestal of knowing everything. I know, and I'm sorry. So if you don't know the answer to something, Erin. I will just cut it out. Yeah. Yeah. Let me tell you in my mid 30s I have decided that I'm just gonna sometimes say I don't know. I just know it's hard. It's hard for me But I'm gonna try. I love that. I love that for you. I Sorry, I wasn't aware of that. It caused you the inner turmoil because from my POV you have literally never not once on the answer Okay, so it's why okay. Don't don't you know what I think it is I think cuz she's always been so smart, but I think it's because she also Can speak eloquently about something. She actually doesn't know the answer to so even she'll just be like, I'm not sure But let me give you my take on it and then it's this like beautifully eloquent answer and you're like I don't even care if that's wrong. That makes sense to me. No, yes, exactly So whatever you say, there's nothing That's PR, baby So mine range from how they came out of my brain, okay, so Oh God stream of consciousness, that's scary Let us pray. Save it for the Psyche Val. The first one being, can you please dumb down the government for us? Yeah okay. There's three pieces of the government. Okay. The executive, which is, yeah, which is the White House, the president. Okay. El Prez. The Senate and the House, Congress. That's the legislative branch. And the judicial branch, which is the Supreme Court. The goal was that they would never let one be stronger than the other. They would all have equal power and that would be called checks and balances. We've seen that ebb and flow. Yeah, but basically the president is like the manager Congress and the Senate are like, the workhorses. They're the ones that are actually like making stuff happen or in most of our lifetime. Preventing things from happening. Like bills and shit? Yes, bills and laws and all that. And then, the Supreme Court is just like nine grumpy old people who are just deciding like, yeah, that's allowed in the Constitution, or no, not so much. The current Supreme Court, well, this probably isn't the place for that, but I have some questions about what their loyalties are to the Constitution or not, but regardless, that's kind of the, it's three Branches. It's the three, it's the Spider Man movie where the three people are pointing at each other. It's that. I also, someone submitted who is the government, so I'll take that off my list as well. There you go. Perfect, it wasn't just me. Yeah, I love that. Not on this list. What's a whistleblower? A whistleblower is like, it's, no, that's, it's like a, that's a legit, like, legal term. Like someone spilling the tea? Yes. Yes. Okay. Yeah. That's what I thought, but it didn't work out. It's like a legally protected. protected gossiper. Oh, but it's one of the first people to spill the tea. Yeah. Okay. It's like the inside tea. Yeah, like what's happening at Boeing, you know, like planes are just like not doing well. The whistleblowers are the regular people who are working there and are going excuse me. NDA who? Okay, cool. I understand. What is a dowry? Okay, a dowry is like, back in the old days, you would be in an arranged marriage, which, you know, some are not opposed to sounds like less effort for me. And The way that you would be like, they would woo a suitor for you would be to offer a dowry, which is essentially like what you're worth. And, you know, you might be worth a cow and a couple chickens and a farm. Oh, the way I'd be married to a homeless man right now. Or you might be worth, you know, millions of dollars and fancy dresses. Luckily, they don't exist anymore because none of Because women aren't cattle. And also none of us would have had one. I mean Also true. Boobs are giving utters these days, but just saying. Colleen's dowry would be like a They are. Scratch ticket, a pack of eggs and some diet Cokes. A nice two liter and a bergeron signed hockey stick. But there's nothing wrong with that. No, that's it. I think now that I, now that you're saying it out loud at our family Christmas, if your diary was in the Christmas swap, it would be the one number one gift, everyone. A hundred percent. That is an ideal package. So nailed it. And for that, we'll proceed with our next question. We'll proceed with that energy, all 2025. Who would win to fight me or Bridgette Bridget has surprisingly long and strong arms. No, you're very strong. Yeah, I know the answer to this, but I'm still hold me by the forehead and push me away. Oh, that's true Yeah, I would I would strong and I literally could not get to her. There's a that's you're smaller than me. I Think you have a more feral nature and you just wouldn't stop until you won. So I think it would be you at this time in your life. I knew my answer, but I was curious. You would burst into tears. No, yeah, you would. You're very strong. I would murder you. If Bridget didn't win in the first two minutes, she would stop and say, this is ridiculous. And you would then win out of I can't stop until I've won. Yeah. Okay. Excellent answer. Excellent answer. But you might also, like, she might land one hit and you'd just be like, Actually, never mind. Actually, I don't like this. Forget it, forget it. I'm actually quitting. And when we were kids, Erin would quit a game before I won. She'd be like, I'm not playing anymore. It would drive me up a fucking wall. That's a smart way to do it. Older sisters understand. And what does Taylor say? This is how the world works. You gotta leave before you get left. There you go. Tea. Celebrity crushes. Oh well, Joshua Jackson. Irene, on my list. Are you ready for this? Oh, I'm sorry, did I double dip? No, but in the best way Aaron the Millennials will love this one. You're 16. Okay. Oh We're in the mid early 2000s. Mm hmm. You need to fuck marry kill Are you ready for this? I am Troy Bolton. Mm hmm Pacey. Oh or Tim Riggins. Oh, no, I actually can't Okay, I literally I actually can't I specifically picked well gonna add coach Taylor, but then I was like, I'm it's too far I would Because I knew what the answer would be if Coach Taylor was involved. Yeah, I would fuck him, I would marry him, and I would kill for him. No, I would obviously fuck Tim Riggins. Obviously. It's pure, unadulterated, it shouldn't even have been on cable, okay? I would obviously marry Pacey Whitter, he remembers everything. He waits for her for, for twenty years. And you would have to kill Troy. I mean, they're in a tree, you know, like, to marry into that family, to always follow in Gabriella's shoes, please, no. Also the submission that we got. Which was a layup. Would, what would Tim Riggins do? Shout out Coach Taylor. Would you like to guess who that came from? That's an ally. That, that's some friendly fire. It came from somewhere in Milton. By a Steve C. Ugh. Yeah, I mean, what wouldn't Tim Riggins do? Tim Riggins is all that's right with the world. That's what I'll say there. There you go. The things I would do. Please continue. The things I would do. Wait, can I add to my celebrity crushes? Of course you can. So Joshua Jackson, then and now. Feral. Absolutely feral for him. Tom Brady, then and now. But not in, like, I would want Tom Brady to be blindfolded when he saw me. But I would want to be around him still. Erin! He's, he's too fancy. He's kind of a god. Yeah, but. He's fine. He's getting a little weird as the time goes on. No, I don't like him now. No, I don't. I can never forget what he did for me. Okay, that's fair. But I am indebted to him. Erin, I think if you said that to him, it wouldn't matter. Nothing else matters, you know? Yeah, fair. Just, he'd be like, okay. And then I would say like I like, you know, like a Luke Combs. Like I need one manly man. Yes. Manly good man. Union. Yeah. Yeah. That's your type. Work, boot, wearin sheetrock hangin Bud light on a Friday night. Yeah. Yeah. Questionable political views. Ugh. Come on. That part was just to fuck with you. Okay. Okay. Come on now. A man recently told me he couldn't breathe because of the insulation and sheetrock he was putting in and I was like, and that is the only thing we need. Sorry, you can't breathe? Don't care. That's, say less. Perfect. Say less. I'm aroused. Okay. Anyways. This is a little flip flop. What's happening in Russia? Like, what is going on in Russia? How do you even? There's so much land. What are people doing there? Russia is humongous. Okay, right, yes. But it used to be even bigger. And it used to be even more powerful. And Putin is an Elizabeth Holmes himself, driven mad and blind with ambition and rage and ego. That'll always happen. And so he's taking what he thinks is his. But he's wrong. Sorry, Boone. Okay. No, I'm not. And that's on period. And he's not a sly. Okay. Perfect. Not a sly. I mean, he's a murderous dictator, but. This is a thought I had today. No, it's not crazy. Those always make me very nervous. At what point, okay, so like someone dies, right? Yeah. A public figure. Okay. At what level is it gonna It doesn't become an assassination. Is it only presidents? Yeah, I have thought about this actually before. not only presidents because like John Lennon was famously assassinated. Yes. Martin Luther King. Assassinated. I think it's when you are killed because of who you are that it becomes an assassination. Like, because of your level of celebrity or your level of influence. Like Selena, was that a? That, I think that, I think Selena qualifies as an assassination. Dammit Yolanda. Oh, fuck you Yolanda. We'll never forget what you took from us. Are you looking it up? Is there an answer? Assassination and killing. While both terms refer to the killing of a human being, assassination specifically refers to the premeditated murder of a prominent public figure, often with political motives, while homicide is a broader term encompassing any killing of one person by another. So like, justifi not justifiable, but something like Yeah, homicide is just murder. Right. Assassination is when it's because you're famous. So Selena was definitely assassinated. Yeah. What president would you, out of all the presidents. Okay. Would you wanna get a drink with the most? Ooh. Ooh. That's such a good one. Thought. I thought I would know the answer to this, but I actually don't. Teddy Roosevelt. Oh, that was a wholesome pick. Yeah. Teddy Roosevelt's a good one. He's interesting. He did cool stuff. He had a cool family. The parks. Yeah, the national parks were thanks to him. He famously really loved his daughter, which I, you know. The Newsies. Yeah. So, Teddy Roosevelt. Okay. Sly Teddy. Great pick. Like, Abraham's obviously a good one, but he was pretty sad. He had some shit going on. I wouldn't want to take his time. Number one? George, yeah. You know how I have a soft spot in my heart for George, but, you know, that's a long time ago. Yeah. At times, they be a change. What would we talk about? Exactly. His horse teeth. Like, JFK, you know, respect, but too much philandering, you know. Problematic. I'm sorry. I feel like there'd be an energy about him that I just wouldn't like. I think the opposite. Really? Yeah, people were completely fucking trying to find JFK. But now that we know, like, you know, all the things. I know, but I still think there are just some people who have a way. Yeah, an aura, as the kids say. Yeah. Did the kids say that? I think so. Is that what the kids say? A vibe. Call a vibe. Um, It's fine if you need time for this one, but what's a random, well actually you won't because your memory is insane. What's a random memory that you think of off the top of your head of me and Bridget that people do not know? I actually have what is something about Colleen and I that would surprise the sippers. Maybe even character traits. Even though I think we're pretty, what you see is what you get. Okay, a random memory that just comes to mind is when we took you to see Princess and the frog. We took Colleen and Gretchen to see Princess and the Frog. Great movie, we were having a time, we were dancing, we were singing along, we were vibing. out everywhere. And when Ray got squished, Colleen scrumped, screamed a scrump out loud in the movie theater. Ah! No! And we were like, Colleen She was too old. She was 12. No. How old were you in like 2010? 2010 how old was I in 2010? Twelve. Yeah, thirteen. Thirteen. Thirteen. That's a horrible way to scream. That was a really bad age. Screamed. Poor Ray. R. I. P. Ray and Evangeline. Off the rip. No, like It still upsets you though. I mean, yeah, but like there's no need to be doing that. Like, I would have punched me. Me, right now. If Saw 13 year old me, in public. Fuck that. Knocked her right the fuck out. I mean, that's everyone. Isn't that the point of being 13? I mean, I guess, but like some people are like cute and innocent and sweet. I was actually a fucking wench and a weirdo. Do you know what's so funny? No, I don't think so at all. Is that, I don't think so either. I think that's all projection and that you hate children so you just think you were that child. You were definitely dramatic, but you weren't a wench. Like, you weren't, at least not to us. I think something that would surprise people just because You're, you're so judgmental. You come into every family party since you were a little kid. So excited. Like when you see people you haven't seen in a while, you're like, Oh my, like you do like this whole face and you do these hands and you get so excited. And you're like, Oh my God. Hi. And you run up to, and you're so genuinely excited. And I have, I've always loved that. Like aunts, uncles, cousins, it doesn't really matter. And then you go to the corner. And then the tea begins. Yes. And then I find the initial excitement. And then I get the wine and then I find the corner. Yes. Yes. I think maybe the thing that doesn't come off on the pod most about you, Colleen, is How observant you are. Like you clocking everybody's tea. Noticing everything. Remembering it for years. And you know what I really like about you? You don't just like remember like, Oh that person did that thing. You remember like the vibes of it. Like how it made people She was wearing this. And like how it made people in the room feel and react. And that's just such a skill to have. To like be able to read people. And you're really good at that. Thank you. That's so nice of you. And I think for Bridget, what would people not know about Bridget? I feel like I mean, I just think how musically inclined you are. Like, you talk about liking music, but like, I don't think it comes across like You really have an ear for it. Like, you hear a rhythm. Like, you can You know a beat, like, by heart. I mean, obviously, I'm picturing you using mom's, like, step up, Oh my god, Erin! Choreographing a dance for Evita. So pre when we were growing up, she would watch a video of a dance and then teach me it from the video. Like she would know it from watching it. Like just a keen ear and like, like grasp of rhythm and music and like a beat in a different type of memory than Aaron. Oh, I wear Aaron was like numbers and ERAs and football sets. I was like, if you said I was in a meeting. The other day, and someone said, Hey now, in my head without even This is a dream. Like, my brain finishes mu Like, I go to sleep and I'm singing a song I read. Yeah, very musically inclined. And I wake up and song is I think that's why I'm obsessed with musicals, but anyway. No, that tracks, and that makes sense. Movie quotes and music. Were those good ones? Yes. Very good ones. Nailed it. Nailed it. So good. ooh, random. So random. What would you want your last words to be? I feel like you would have such a good statement. Yeah, I mean, I've thought of this like a hundred times. Of course you have! I fucking knew it. It's gonna be something with your children. Yeah, I think it would just be like, Thanks. Awww. Well, I'll just go kill myself. Why am I sad? Why did that make me sad? Like, you're just always so quick and good with your words, and I was like, she's gotta have some good ass last words. So, like, I just knew. No, I would prefer to ask her, because that's too wholesome. I would prefer something along the lines of, like, if you were avenging one of us, And you are face to face with someone who did one of us wrong. What is your like, I curse the day you were born? Well, you know, there's a lot of context you, the, the way to really eviscerate someone is to know something about them. So without knowing what is this person's weakness, I think the message I would take, like I want to leave when I seek vengeance is like, you will remember me and you will regret. The day you were born, if you cross me. I'm so scared. The thing about you though, is like, you wouldn't have that reaction or that about yourself. It would have to be about something else. Oh no, it would have to be in vengeance of someone else. Of someone else, yes. Which is so, just, I understand. But the way to truly level somebody is to use their weaknesses against them. One time we did, I, I, you weren't here Erin. It must not have been the episode you were here. We did, who would win in a fight, the three of us or Karen. And I said, Erin would ruin you with words. Like, Erin, Erin would say something to you that you would think about for the rest of your life. And I want it to be, I want it to be known, the amount that I hold back, I should get a medal. Oh lord. But we know. We know. We're aware. If you had to choose one of our cousins. Oh god. To be trapped on a deserted island with. Oh okay. Who would it be? I know it's not me or Bridget. I mean both of you would be fun. Thank you. Both of you would be fun. Like I think probably Bobby. He's the most like resourceful. Oh, that was smart. Like, if we were trying to get off the island. That's true. That's so true. But, like, if we're going by vibes, like, I might want Karen. Yeah, like, if we're stuck there forever, it's for sure Karen. I mean, no chiller, funner, easier hang. But, like, if we're trying to get off, what about, like, I don't know. Michael and Bobby. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like Bobby would get us off the island first. I think Tommy Smith. The Smiths were entertaining. Yeah, I was gonna say. It's different. If you're stuck there forever, you need, like, you know, comedy, and there's plenty of that. Sean would pull Jack Sparrow. Actually, Sean, I think Sean would be good at getting us off the island, too. Yeah. The twins. Yeah. Yeah. Brendan would probably be great at getting us off the island. So smart. Okay, tea. Thank you. Thank you. These ones actually make no sense. This is the tail end of my thought process, okay? One being, can you explain the stock market to dumb bitches really quickly? This is one I'm actually, this is like maybe one of my weaknesses. But I would say, the stock market boils down to If I was going to start a company, I'm not going to do that right now. If I, okay, if I had like, let's take this pod room, we're going to sell the pod room to the world. Okay. People, we're going to make money off the pod room and I'm going to split what it's worth. So you get 33%, you get 33%, I get 33%. Stocks are like your, Investment. Yeah. You're, you're buying. So the more comp, the more money this pod room made, the more that 33 percent would be worth. If it made a hundred dollars when we started, it would be 33 each. If it made 10 million, now we're looking at whatever the math is there, 33, 000, you know, no, 3. 3 million. What then happens is you decide, I actually don't want all my money in the pod room. I want some of my money in McChickens. So I'm gonna, I'm gonna sell. Because, obviously, nuggets. I'm gonna, the snack wrap is coming back and those people are on to some shit. So I'm gonna sell 10 of my shares so that I can go buy 10 McChickens and now Karen owns 10. So now as we go and go and go, me and Bridget are still getting 33 percent each but now you're getting 23%. You know what I'm saying? Now, if we start losing money Your shares are worth less and less and less and less and that's not tea So it's basically like your piece of the pie What I don't get is like what they're doing in New York. what are they doing all day? Why does it have to be so loud? Why are people so busy? Why are you ringing a bell? Yeah Why are you sweating? Why are we dialing? Why are we on speaker? Why are we yelling? I don't know. Why are we in suits doing it all? Why can't we do it in pajamas? Well, it always now reminds me of Martha Stewart, but it reminds me of what happens in Vegas with Cameron Diaz and she's getting like all jacked up and she like pours an energy drink on her head because they put something in like the, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. What happens in Vegas? Oh yeah. With Ashton Kutcher, but yeah, It comes and goes, and it rises and falls. So like And so people try to and it's unpredictable. So if you're really smart, and you know how stocks work, you hire if you're really, really rich you hire someone who will do the predictions for you. And that's where Martha comes in. So like, insider trading would be, if all of a sudden there was a leak in the pod room, and Bridget said to Colleen, Shit's about to hit the fan. The pod room's leaking. This is not good for our bottom line. And then Colleen said, well, now that I know that, I'm gonna sell all my shares and get the fuck out before this dips. That would be insider trading. Got it. That was so helpful. Thank you. Great job. I don't understand dry cleaning. Why is it dry cleaning? What? Why is it dry cleaning? Do you not wash it? You know, I'm gonna have to say, I do not know. I believe there's chemicals. Like why is it called dry cleaning? I think they don't wash it in water. Soapy water. They do something else. They steam it. So that was a fair question. But I actually don't know. It does not use water during the cleaning process, instead relying on a chemical solvent to remove dirt and stain from clothes. Essentially making it a quote dry cleaning method as opposed to a water based wash. And that's crazy. I never knew that until right now. And that's on that. My last two, what is dust? Oh, it's skin. It's like, yeah, it's like the atoms in the air pick stuff up on their way around. Well that's fucked up. Yeah. The two dustiest things in a home. Try not to think about it. Skin and papers. Like anything, yeah, files. In my home it's Rudy. Rudy the dog. I actually sent a picture of I gave myself and Rudy to someone recently. And was like, thoughts. And they were like, that is the biggest animal I've ever seen in my life. And I was like, awww. My sweet little puppy. It was perfect. She's perfect in every way. We love him. When he comes through, like, shaking that ass. Oh, he does have a waddle. He's like the the ducks and the aristocats. Yes. Burp, burp, na, na, na. Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. And then last but not least, why do we have belly buttons? They really confuse me. Yeah, so it's where your umbilical cord was. Oh. It's the thing that kept you alive. Do you get a weird feeling when you touch the inside of your belly button? Yeah, totally. Mine like goes to my vagina. If you, if you like, if you like push. I can't think about it, like it literally is not like a tickle, it's like a pain. It's not normal. No, I think it's like a nerve thing. It's disgusting. Yeah. I've been putting castor oil in there, someone told me it makes you feel skinnier. Okay. Well, I support that for you. And then I put a bandage on over my bellybutton at night. And then I forgot today and I was at work at my desk and I was like Okay. I support you. I want you to be your best self. That's too much thought about the bellybutton. I think we just all live our lives without worrying about it. I hate them. I hate bellybuttons. It's really your belly hole. It's really not. That's why I don't have a bellybutton. That's why I don't have a bellybutton. That's why I don't have a belly button ring, because I couldn't, I couldn't get it pierced because I got sucked in. Oh, that's, oh, that's why. Yeah, same. Not because I was morbidly obese as a 15 year old, but everyone else had fucking just skin. My dad wouldn't allow it. Okay, that's why I don't. Fucking A. I will, I'm glad, I'm proud to say, I'm not proud, but I will I will admit that I am 27 years old and my dad did my laundry the other day. Aww, that's, he's a nice dad. Well, ours is dead, so thanks for bringing it up. Too soon? I almost said two dead dad jokes in the same day and I stopped myself and said, it's just too much. Yeah, well, we can all laugh. Okay, here are some of the questions from the Sippers. Well, actually this first one is how do they elect a new Pope, which we kind of talked about Conclave. Yeah, watch Conclave. Yeah, they get together and they elect. How do I adult was literally a question we got. You pray. You know, I don't, I don't know that like anyone really is good at it. So like, I think it's about, I mean, I think it's about like being nicer to yourself. And the thing that doesn't, this is, this is the. When you're truly an adult. The thing that doesn't feel like a good idea is probably not a good idea. The thing that you wouldn't want your friends or your parents or your siblings to know is not, don't do it. the thing that you know you're supposed to do, do those things. And that's being an adult, basically. Yeah, take care know, you know it. Follow your gut. Yeah, that's fair. do you have a favorite episode or moment from the pod so far Oh yeah, without a doubt. It's when you guys got back from Florida. the ca Oh my god. The cab driver. How is rich? Oh, on all time leg crossing. We're so burn all time moment. I will never feel the way that I felt when we were in that Chick-fil-A line ever again. When we realized how burnt we were in, everyone started laughing us in line. And when we audibly gasped together and everyone was like, like, hello. Yeah, without a doubt the the Florida recap all timer a plus. Is there a topic we haven't done yet you would like us to? Mmm, I think, I always think about this because I always want, like, I'm always thinking about, like, whoa, what could I recommend? I, I think, I'm sure half of our episodes are probably ideas from you anyways. No, I don't think that many. I would love you guys to, like, live react to, like, a movie. Like, I want you to go to the movies and watch a movie and then come here and, like, retell it. You know what I mean? I think that would be really funny. That's, like, a theme of YouTubing that I think is fun. Yeah, I think everything you guys do is interesting. I think you make history interesting. I think you make, gossip interesting. I think everything you do is interesting. Aww, that's nice. Please explain to the people what happened to us when we saw Wicked. In, as, as, like, I, this is from me. Okay. We We have an emotional connection to Wicked, thanks to our dear, dear Shannon, who basically introduced it to us. Yes, 100%. Always on the cutting edge of the Broadway up and comers. And we saw it. years and I mean literally 15 years ago now on Broadway. Obviously the music speaks for itself. After she died, that was like you're depressed and we should do something. Yeah, like let's get out of town. We loved The Wizard of Oz growing up too. I think that is definitely part of it. Like that was an important movie to us growing up. And then I think We just, we just were excited. We were excited for it. And basically as soon as it started and the overture started and there's like zooming by the hat and the monkeys and then they show Dorothy and then just like the font come up on the screen. We freaking lost it. Like we lost control of ourselves. We were crying. We were laughing the whole the entirety of Defying Gravity. We were holding hands like as if we were witnessing. History. Literal, like, life altering. Oh, God. Yeah, we laughed, we cried, we didn't sing, which I'm proud of us for that. Yeah, we just were literally overcome. We lost the plot. It's like I, you see those videos of people who are at the megachurches and they start, like, speaking in tongues. Like, that, that was us, but, like, Cynthia and Ariana did it to us. Yeah. No, we were literally overcome by the music. No, no, the martini before probably didn't help. Well, it also, it just means a lot to us, so it's bringing up a lot. Yeah, it was just very emotional. We loved it. I mean, if you're obsessed with something for your whole life and then you see it live and it blows you out of the water and brings back, it's just emotional. Especially because you weren't like actually expecting, you saw clips or whatever, but you weren't expecting. No, we knew nothing. We knew not, every single time it came up on my TikTok, I wouldn't watch it. Like everything we saw was fresh. Yeah. And you know what else too? It was really good. So the more it kept going and it kept delivering, we were like, holy shit, this is so good. When she sings the wizard and I. And she's standing on that cliff. No, when she says, de greenify me, and the lights flash, and she turns back to her regular skin color, and then turns back to green. Yeah. Unbelievable. Yeah, it's crazy. Unbelievable. Football. Oh, yeah, my favorite. What's the deal with the Chiefs? Like, is Mahomes really that good? Is Travis really that good? why can no one stop talking about them? Is this the new Patriots? Who's gonna be in the Super Bowl? Yeah. So let me first defend the Patriots, which is that they did what the Chiefs are doing now twice. They did it in the early two thousands and they did it in the 20 teens. So that's why, to my mind, it's no one can touch. It's on people. Right. But what the chiefs are doing is pretty much what the Patriots did. So the Patriots went to eight a FC championships in a row, which is like the second to last game. The the Chiefs are now on their way to their seventh. So, like, it's pretty much in line. An interesting conversation that's happening this week is the refs were, like, really slanted in the Chiefs favor this last week. I am not someone who buys, like, refs fixing shit or whatever. I think the home team, like, I mean, they're in the building with these people. A home team advantage. Yeah. I just think it's, like, a natural thing that happens in all sports. People are saying, like, the Chiefs haven't earned this or that the league is pulling for them. I don't think it's that. I My football philosophy is that the best teams are the ones that are prepared for the moment and they don't cough it up. So like, a really good team this year was the Ravens, led by Lamar Jackson, who's unbelievable. So, so skilled. He played, they played the Buffalo Bills. The other night and he just made so many mistakes and actually a guy, this poor guy, Mark Andrews dropped the ball on a two point conversion, literally in the end zone. It is in his hands, dropped it with 20 seconds left. You always say if it hits your hands and you make that kind of money. It was awful. I literally feel so bad for him because he had fumbled too, but just overall they made a ton of mistakes and that's what the chiefs don't do. They never are their own downfall. And so what happens is it's a long game. And by the end of the game, these guys are tired and exhausted and they're like. been hit a million times. It's cold out. It's Kansas City in January and the chiefs aren't phased. And Patrick Mahomes is That good. And Travis is not as good as he used to be. He's a lot slower, and he's not as impactful as he used to be. But just, you know, that like clutch gene. Some players are better in the big moments, and the Chiefs are those guys. So Patrick Mahomes gives me the ick between his voice and his wife. Wait, can I talk about their baby names? What are their baby names? Okay, so the Mahomes had a baby a week ago. Their third baby. Their oldest? Okay, first of all, the dog's name is Silver. The dog came first and the dog's name is Silver. This is important. Okay. They have a daughter, like five years ago, say, and her name is Sterling. Sterling Mahomes. It's not that bad. Okay. If you tell me there's, like, a gold and a copper The son is born next. Stop. He is Patrick Mahomes III. Okay. Fine. And he goes by Bronze. What? First of all, who wants to be Bronze? You know? Wait for it. Why? They have a baby last week. Shut the fuck up. She is the third baby. Is it gold? And her name is Golden Ray. So, to, to be clear, their children's names are 2, 3, and 1. Golden Ray, R A Y. Not just Golden, not just Goldie, Golden Ray. I think we know who the favorite is. All one word. No, two, two words. Okay. Yeah, space. Fucking hell. And his brother. Oh, no, his brother is the worst. Oh, yeah Thank God he got off TikTok or whatever. I mean, he's off my feed. Ew. Yeah. Ew. I just really want to know, TreePain is Taylor Swift's publicist. I would love to know the conversation that happened that was like, listen, Jackson Mahomes cannot be within 50 feet of Taylor Swift. Yeah, for sure. For sure. I do have a Taylor question for you, but really quick. I do think, and I'm sure you will agree with me, there is an advantage to being a team that does not play in a dome, that plays outside in the elements. And to your point, those teams like the Patriots, like the Bills and yeah. there is an element of, we are used to this, I practice in this. If you play in a dome or in a warm city, you cannot practice cold. Right. There's no way to make it cold. 10 degrees. Right. So yeah, it's a definitely an advantage. Oh, I would like to meet Kylie. I think we would be friends. 100%. 100%. So down to earth, so real. I mean I think she'd be friends with most people for some reason, like just, I feel like you would say something and she'd be like, yes. Do you know what I mean? Yes. Okay, cool. What would be your dream era surprise song? This comes from Mallory. Val my girl, I love you. Well, so when we went I thought we got two awesome ones. I wouldn't, I would not have changed it. I would not change them. We got Shoulda Said No, which has an OG Swifty. Absolute banger slaps. Amazing. And we got Better Man, which was the first time she had ever played it. Like she wrote it and gave it to Little Big Town. It was the first time she had ever. Yeah, so that was awesome. I think my two favorites that aren't on the set list, Getaway Car, Which, when she sang it, she brought Jack Antonoff out and they reenacted the moment where they wrote it, which was so cool. And, one of my favorites is Cowboy Like Me. That's just one that, like, you would only hear it as a surprise song. I was gonna say, that's like, deep. Yeah, that's a deep cut. Yeah, yeah, that's a deep cut. Of the ones she actually did perform, because she started to perform some mashups and stuff. There is one mashup that was like awesome. It was Travis's last show on the UK leg, I think. And she performed Mary's song, So High School and Everything Has Changed as a mashup. And he literally cried. So it would have been cool to be there for that particular one. I love Mary's song. Yeah. Oh, so good. I'll be 87. You'll be 89. And he looks at her like the stars that shine. Yeah. Stop. So good. Legit. Invisible string. Oh, so good. What is the song you scream in the car? Well, for five years in a row, it was Cruel Summer. Outside of Taylor Swift. Oh, okay. It was Cruel Summer. Today, on the way here, it was Defying Gravity. Naturally. Um, A scream singing, like, cathartic release. Yes. There's one that you always talk about. Yep. Yep. Hold. Well, there's two that come to mind of, like, probably my, two of my all time most played in the last however long I've had an iPhone. One is You and I by Lady Gaga. Great pick. And one is Don't Rain on My Parade as sung by Lea Michele. Oh, I have neither of those. Respectfully. I actually, dare I say, like that one better. And I don't like Lea Michele. I don't either. It's so fucking good, though. She's incredible. She might not be able to read, but she can sing. But like, Jonathan Groff is perfect. So how is Jonathan Groff's best friend, Lea Michele? I don't get it. It's the number one thing in her column is that both Cory Monteith and Jonathan Groff love her. So something has to be right about her. Right. Yeah. Right. So I thought it was, I have nothing. Oh no. Okay. So let me tell you, I have nothing is the greatest song of all time to scream, but it's actually so emotional. Like I couldn't, I can't like turn it on for a casual. release. It's too much. Valerie and I were talking about the other day how, like, what's the YouTube thing you pull up when you want to feel something. And so we were talking about live things, and she said Whitney Houston singing National Anthem? Oh yeah. All timer. It's one of the greatest live performances, period. All of mine are like musical themed, like Jeremy Jordan. I was gonna say, Jeremy Jordan singing Santa Fe is definitely up there. Oh my, oh my god. But I meant it's all coming back to me now, but like anything with Andrew Rannells. Aaron Tove, like mine are all Broadway themed. But I said, oh, Aaron's is, I have nothing. And she goes, oh, you mean the song that we scream? We screamed at her bachelor. Oh, my Bachelor. They called the cops. Yeah. The police came. Mm-hmm And she goes, we do not talk about this enough. No, it's true. The police did come to My Bachelorette because we were singing too loud. It was a mixture of it's all coming back to me now and I have nothing. And it was two o'clock in the morning. And honestly, who could blame us? No, we were, we were, I see No issues. Not even belligerent. We were literally having too much fun. Yes, that's correct. One other one I would add, and this is so nerdy, but I'll just add it, is the old Disney World fireworks show, Wishes. Oh, yeah. Gets me. Yep. Gets me going. Yes. Brings me back. Really heartfelt. So sweet. So sweet. more. A couple more. You think you're done? You're not. This comes from Hilary. Do you believe in an ancient civilization that was lost at the end of the last ice age? This is from Ancient Apocalypse on Netflix. She is obsessed and she is trying to get everyone on the same train. It's the way that you could have just asked that question, I would have said, is this from Hilary? Like you did not need to clarify that it's from Hilary. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yes, to think we are the first to do anything is so insane. Like back to the adulting question. This is like one of the true aha moments I had in my adult life. Nothing about you is unique or special except that you exist at all. Right? Like no, no emotion you've ever had. No experience you ever had can't be tracked back to some caveman, you know, rubbing two sticks together. Like nothing about the human, the human capability is limited. You, we are all the same. We are all existing in a repeat cycle of each other. Now I sound like I took an edible. I didn't. I really feel this way, but it makes me feel better about the universe because it's like, oh, everything you're feeling someone else felt and they probably survived it, right? Like you can pretty much survive anything because humans have been forever. So to think we're the first to do anything. Is just crazy. And then you look at like Machu Picchu, that was literally buried under some grass. And then somebody like mowed a lawn and they were like, holy shit, like, maybe the smartest people in the world lived here not that long ago. So, to think that And that's tape. And that To think there's not an ancient civilization, you're outside your mind. Of course, there was something. Someone. You think we're the first people that added one and one? No way. Preach. There's literally billions of galaxies. Stop. I know. It's Too many I like my bubble. I don't want to talk bubble. We're not even a speck of sand. Sorry, she's getting upset. No. Okay. What is the one book recommendation that you would give anyone? Oh, okay. I do love Jodie Picoult and I think if you like that like Jodie Picoult's a good place to start if you're in a reading rut. I think the Nightingale is, did you guess that? Yeah, the Nightingale is if you can handle World War Two, it's a Oh, it's perfect. It's spectacular. And the women sent you. It's female centered around two sisters who are brave in their own right and it's so, so good. Powerful. The last book I read that I recommend is All the Colors of the Dark by Chris Whitaker. Really good. I just finished it last week. It was awesome. So I've been recommending that. And then I think if you just want to like, you know, have a good time, well, I guess it's not a good time, but if you want to be like invested in a thriller, I love 11 22 63 by Stephen King. Oh my god, it's so good. Stephen King's so good. Strong, but great. So fucking good. So those are probably like my three right now. What kind of men do you think we Will end up with? Okay, well Colleen obviously a union man. Mm hmm, but like one that's nice to his mom and has like probably like five best friends still from high school and Likes the Bruins but like has a healthy detachment, like probably, you know, hopefully doesn't gamble the mortgage on them, but like, as, as many do, you know and I think he's like. Dark haired. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think I've ever been attracted to a blonde before. It's scruff. Yeah. Yeah. Stature is brick. He, I imagine that the person Colleen ends up with, like if he pulled over, if you got a flat tire and he pulled over, you would think that person can help me change this tire. You know? Okay. And Bridget um, well, I think it's someone smart, like, who can keep up. Like, not banter for the sake of, like, I'm interesting, banter for the sake of, like, enjoying the back and forth, the volley. I mean, I hope he likes to travel. I mean, he's, he better have a passport, or be willing to get one. Yeah, for sure. I think he has a sister. I think that he probably went to college, frat, but like, some sort of, no, some sort of team environment. He's a good team player. Yeah, like he likes being on the team. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Sometimes I think maybe like finance, but like To balance me out. Well, you know, there's only so much air for us to take up. And I mean, oh, also, his mother like probably sewed the costumes for like the theater troupe and you know what I mean? But she like doesn't want to fuck him, you know? Yeah, one of those. Yeah, he needs to be like on board with the arts. Yeah. A little trauma. Tangentially related to the arts. Yeah. I think I'm describing Shannon Newell's friends. You are 100 percent. I was in love with most of them, so that makes sense. Yeah. Wow, and I, I asked this because you've sat in my living room and I was watching the Golden Globes the other night and I was eating my double stuffed Oreos And I was doing my face mask and I was like, where do the men go? Like in this is sanctuary Where would one fit? You've had a boy In your house for so long. In your space. In your space. Yeah, well the joke answer is wherever the fuck they put their ass. But like the, the, the nicer answer is like next to you. Ew, I like it. On purpose? That makes me really upset. Yeah. Oh god. And what's even cuter than like Sitting with them is like when your kids sit with them. Oh, ew, it's nice. I know it's hard to wrap your head around, but it's true. Do you want me to live another day? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Imagine liking someone that much. No, my opposite. It's the other way around. Well, that was an episode. Wow, sorry. No, that was incredible. Erin, you are the armometer. PR, our matriarch, our matriarch. You're the best. We love you. And our sippers. Fucking a hundred episodes. Are you serious? You listen to us on purpose a hundred times? I couldn't imagine that. I really hope that you guys are proud of yourselves. I read that most podcasts only last like five episodes. Yeah? And it's a testament to your creativity, your dedication, your hard work, you're funny, you're interesting, you like each other. That's all Bridget. Kind of. Literally all Bridget. You should be really proud of yourselves. Thank you, Erin. That's really nice. Potato skins and white wine for everyone. For everyone, everywhere. All the time, every day. Treat yourself. We hope you have a wonderful week. We love, we love you so much. Like, I don't even know how to say how grateful we are. We love you so much. Thank you for listening. We're happy to be here, two and a half years in. It feels like, that doesn't feel like two and a half years. And pop your pussies. Get a potato skin. Get a glass of wine. And shove it up your ass. And shove it up your asshole. And call it a day. Out of love. Yeah, no, of course. How, how other way is there? All right, everybody. Love you, mean it. Love you, mean it. Bye. And that was sipping with the shamans.

Speaker: 1:48:39

sippin with the Shannon's. This

Speaker 9: 1:48:45

podcast was produced by me, Bridget Shannon. Music is written and performed by Matt Derosiers. You can find his band, Super Stoker, anywhere you listen to music.