That's Showbiz Baby!

On this week's episode, Bridget is back from Disney and Colleen has a new Uncle Jimmy. We share our random thoughts, do a quick Oscars recap, and then we get into the topic of the week.... MARILYN MONROE. The icon. The legend. The "It" girl. Bridget does a deep dive into her tragic childhood, how she hustled to become a movie star and her untimely death. Plot twist: she was much more than the dumb blonde she played on screen. Alexa, can you play the "Smash" soundtrack while I put on a beauty mark, please?!

Sources:

• The Seriously Tragic Life of Marilyn Monroe - Grunge on YouTube
• Wikipedia

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Transcript

0:23

And we're rollin rollin rollin rollin on the river, rollin on the river. Ba ba ba, ba na na na na, ba na na na na, I know that was so jarring. Took a job in the city, Workin for the man every night and day. Who is the man? You know who the man is. It's the government! I think so too. I think that my screech is probably just so jarring for the listeners. Big whiskey pot turning brown. Who is Proud Mary? We should do an episode on it. Who is, who are you? Proud Mary? Mary, are you proud? Mary, did you know? Triggered. It's too soon. That's your baby boy. We'll bring it up later, but while we're on the topic, can't watch White Lotus anymore because the fucking music is like my old school You have to push through! the volumes at a normal level and all of a sudden it's just like Tanya crying and it's like I am, I shoot off the couch. I'm like, I, I can't find peace. Resurrected. No, like I cannot find peace. I was like, I like it. It's kind of relaxing. I'm like, but anywho. Power, power crew. I must ask of you. Okay, thank you. Hi everybody. Hey. Welcome to this week's episode of Sippin with the Shannons. We're cousins and every other week we sit down, we sip on some wine, we talk some shit, and we have a good giggle. I'm Bridget Shannon. And I'm Colleen Shannon. You know. Livin Just living life. Sliving, living, sliving. You are so lucky you got me today actually. Why? I was so volatile yesterday. I should've been put in prison. Okay. That's all. Just thought I would share that. For what reason, other than the normal ones? I don't know. I was just like, the energy was off. I put myself in time out. I put myself in the car during the work day and just sat in silence with my jacket over my head. Oh. Okay. It helped a little bit. I was a little less violent. I don't know. Sometimes it just happens to me. It's kind of crazy. But today is a bright and shiny day. Okay. I did all my apologies this morning to my coworkers. I brought donuts. Okay, that's good. And now we're here. Good. How are you? I'm doing great. I'm doing so well. Okay. Back from Disney World. Okay. I had the best time. The kids had the best time. I So many core memories. Erin planned everything to a T. We didn't wait in line. Obviously. At any ride, even the most popular ones, she has it down to an art. She should be making so much money planning people's Disney vacations. No notes. Literally so much fun. Had the best time. I'm obsessed with my niece and nephew. I'm sad that I don't wake up to them every day. Give us a peek. Give us, I would say a pit, but like, no one wants to hear the pit. We're not negative today. What was the peek? I mean, there were so many peeks. I genuinely can't pick one. Okay, what's your favorite ride? My new favorite ride is Tron. So I've never ridden it before. It's a new one. Okay. And We went out to dinner, just me, Erin, and my brother in law, and because we booked this specific hotel, Erin was like, these six hotels get two extra hours at Magic Kingdom. Do you want to go? And we had the entire place to ourselves. It was insane. The park was empty. We were walking on to rides. Walking. If you've ever been on Space Mountain, the walk to get there was longer than when we were actually on the ride. That's how fast we went on it. That's actually crazy. I don't know. And right next to Space Mountain is this new roller coaster, Tron, and I've never been on it. And everyone was like, I don't know if I can do it again. And I was like, sign me the fuck up. Walked onto it. It is the coolest. All of the music is so loud, it, you would hate it, but it, it makes like your, your skin on edge, if that makes sense. I get, it goes into your soul. I can't explain it any other way. And you are on a bike and you are strapped down, like something comes back and pushes on your back forward. So you are fully leaned forward and nailing. And I was in the front row and you are on a bike, technically. And you just get shot outside into the elements. Part of the roller coaster is outside. Like in Disney? Yes. Oh, I don't like that. And it was dark out. I don't like that. And you go so fucking fast. If anyone's been to Disney, it's like they took Test Track in Rockin Roller Coaster, and they made a baby with Tron. It is so fun. I would have done it 17 more times. I got off of it, and I was like, I feel like that part in Pulp Fiction, where they stab her in the chest with adrenaline. Like, I could run through a brick wall right now. I, I've been dreaming about it. It was so fun. I didn't know you were like a hardcore roller coaster girly. So when I was a kid, I wasn't. I hated roller coasters. I was very innocent. I didn't want to go on anything. Interesting. Yeah, no. Turns out, I don't like heights. And I don't like dropping. I don't like when your stomach falls out. And when we're kids, every big ride near us is a drop. Like think of Canobie Lake. There was the Boston Tea Party, which is the whole ride is a drop. The Yankee Cannonball is mostly drops. Can't do it. And then when we went to Disney, everyone was obsessed with Tower of Terror. And I was just like, I don't like roller coasters. After experiencing the Yankee Cannonball, I went to Disney and I did Rockin Roller Coaster. And I was like, oh, I actually really like to go fast and I really like to go upside down. Oh. Yeah. I don't want to spin. Hated the teacups. We went on the teacups. Oh! And I had the GoPro and I was filming Erin because she films everyone else. I was like, give it to me so I can get you in one of these. And I looked down when the teacups started and when I looked up we were mid spin. And I was like, no. I, I think not. I actually No. Hard pass. Yeah, that's a hard pass for me, but I like going fast. That's my jam. Got it. Claire did the Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique. Stop it. I can't. And dress up as a little princess. I'm upset. And they put glitter in her hair, and she kept going, Makeup? Makeup? Nana has makeup. And we're like, You're gonna get makeup like Nana. And they don't do a lot. They just do like a little clear gloss. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they put sparkles on your fingernails so you get your nails painted, and then they spray glitter in your hair. Her little two year old body in that big old seat with the the neck thing around you like when you go and get your hair cut She looked so small and they put like a little sock bun in her hair small bean with a little tiny tiara Get out of here, and she just kept going Elsa Elsa cuz she was dressed as Elsa I would have died. Danny was thrilled. He got to see all the dinosaurs. Jurassic world loved it. His dreams are made of that's his dream He got to ride the dinosaur ride. He did so they switched splash mountain is what it has always been for years and years It's now tiana's bayou adventure. Oh fine, but it has that one big drop. He loved it. He's five I was like I was not that brave at five but like I feel like little boys are different He is so cool. He got off and was like I'd do that again. Let's do it. I'm like I didn't ride that till I was 15 and I cried. Okay, you cried on that one? I really don't like drops. Okay. I've come a long way. This one I was like, Woo! You're so strong. But when I was a teenager, I was a child. Maybe I'm thinking of the wrong one, but I think it's not that crazy. It's so funny, I was actually looking at the Tower of Terror, and I'm like, it's just not that high. Like, when I was a kid, I was like, that's the tallest building I've ever seen in my life. I Like, you could've been Dropping from the Empire State Building, and I would've, I only know it from people taking the photos of it dropping. I don't, I've never been on it. Oh yeah. When you're in the, I've never seen it. I've never been on it. Yeah, it's the pink you would actually really like it's like a pink spooky building. I love that and it's it's haunted That's the whole thing the elevator doesn't work and you drop and you're in a haunted mansion type thing Not like the haunted mansion, which also slaps slaps Yeah, haunted hotel is what I meant to say. Love the haunted mansion. Me and Joe did it a woman scared him It was hilarious. I loved it. No, like I have no notes. We had the best time I woke up the next day and was like that felt like a fever dream and I'm sad. Where are my niece and nephew? Why am I not being woken up at 7:00 AM? Auntie, auntie, auntie, auntie, auntie Bridget. Hello. She is here. No, they now know that I say, who disturbs my slumber? Like the the thing in Aladdin in the sand. Ooh. Dare disturb my slumber. Danny says it to me all the time when I'm sleeping now and I'm like, no, that's real though. So So if we could just abide by that role, see these eyes close. Oh, that's Claire's new thing when you call her and she doesn't want to listen, she just shuts her eyes. I'm like, I can see you. Just cause you can't see me doesn't mean I can't see you. I'm taking notes from Claire. And then she giggles. I'm like, I'm so glad you crack yourself up, kid. I can't. Oh, they're the best. They're the best. We had the best time. What did you do? I didn't do much, but I can tell you confidently that I probably consumed like three rotisserie chickens. I'm so proud of you. Since our last chat, probably, if I had to guess. Love a purse. Yes, I have PES and she has rotisserie chicken. I have a lot of things, a lot of thoughts, a lot of things to talk about. I did go on Friday. Fiona and I had to sit through a fucking two day training. Come to find out, I don't have the strength to sit with my legs crossed for two days. I was so sore from sitting with my legs crossed for two days. Oh. Isn't that absurd? You just didn't have to cross your legs that long. I know, but it's just like, it's A new thing. I a little bit skinnier, it's easier for me. Dude, it's so much easier. Okay, yeah, I'm not crazy. No, you're not cra Sitting on a plane. So now I'm like, okay. So much easier. Crisscross applesauce? So much easier. So, I can do it in my desk chair. Wild. Crazy. Have never been able to do that. now. The fuck? The fuck? The PB was always in the way. Potbelly. Don't call your belly a potbelly. It used to be the PB used to be in the way, you know? I'm just, I'm just spewing facts. That's what it is. So we sat through this two day training, couldn't cross my legs, was really sore, it was crazy. So Fiona and I are done with our training and we're like, No, like we simply just like can't go home and do nothing right now. Yeah, you have to pop off. I was like, so let's just go somewhere. No, we didn't pop off. It was like an accidental pop off. So we went to Champions in Peabody. Oh, yeah. Cause they, you know, the best steak tips or whatever. And I was like, no. No, they're so good. Yeah, they're so good. Oh, I was going to say, I didn't know if you were looking at me as in like, cause I No, I love a steak tit. And they were like, yeah, that's what everyone says. And I was like, no, I think they might be the best ones. They were so, I mean, I don't eat steak that often. Have you been? No. I've heard great things, but I have not. So it's very Hole in the Wall y, which is like, so we're like, great. We love a Hole in the Wall situation. Yeah, we do. So we're telling this guy that I work with about it and he was like, oh, give me one second. And he's like, he's an older guy. And we're like he picks up his phone. Calls a guy. Very talkative. Goes, call Phil. Such a boomer thing to do. Phil picks up. He's like, Phil, I got, I got two people coming by. They want to beat the rush. They want to make sure they get a seat. Whatever. Phil did not pull through for us. It was hilarious either way. Phil! Phil did not, but we waited in line for like 20 minutes outside, but we got two seats right at the end of the bar next to the Kino machine. Slay. Best steak tips I've ever had. Ever. And you know, you're in a good place when someone gives you, you get like a salad before and it's on like a plastic plate with, it literally just has like one tomato, one cucumber. And it's like house dressing and like iceberg lettuce. Like, you know, the type I was like, I'm in for it. Like I am sacked up. We've got chicken fingers to start. So fucking good. And we drank wine, obviously. Of course. Fiona and I can't go out and just, like, do something simple. One, because Fiona has the worst luck, and we always, something always happens when I do anything. With Fiona, like, something's wrong. For example, not that it mattered because I liked them anyways, we ordered buffalo tenders and they were regular, and it's literally because I was with Fiona that that happened. Like, things like that only happen to her. And so there's a guy at the end of the bar, He's your local baddie. Right? Yeah. He's giving trucker. He's giving townie. He's giving everyone knows him. What's up, my guy? Yeah, whole thing. Yeah, older gentleman. He is thank God. We didn't pick the two bar seats next to him. Thank fucking God We were like two down from him didn't stop him I was just waiting for you and I was like, I just know he's gonna lock eyes with me and it's gonna happen because it's Just we're just like that. He can see that. We'll entertain him. He can see Smell the blood in the water. Yeah. So there was someone playing keno behind me and at one point he's talking to the person behind me, but I thought he was talking to me. So he's like, ah, I, I saw you, whatcha doing? I dunno, just yell some fucking bullshit. And I was like, me. And then I go, oh no. Like I forget. I just responded. And then I realized and I go, oh my God, I'm sorry you opened the door. And I was like, I'm so sorry. And he was like, oh my God. Like they just started giggling, whatever, like 10 minutes goes by. I go to the bathroom, and as I'm walking to the bathroom, an arm comes out from the bar. No. He's like, honey, you leaving? You didn't even give me a chance to buy you a drink before, for, to apologize for what happened earlier. I am like, oh no, it's, I go to go, it's okay, and then I go. Oh, I'll be right back. Oh, you wanted to buy me a drink? I will allow it. Oh, I'm not going anywhere. That option is still open, my guy. So we came back, he got us two glasses of wine, but didn't bother us really. We just like chitty chatted, but like nothing crazy. Told us his name was John. Told us basically his life story. It's fine. Come to find out, he's not a regular there. He was just acting like that. So the bartenders are all kind of like, this guy, like Jesus. The bartender came up to us and was like, are you okay? And we were like, oh my god, yeah, he's fucking harmless. So that's just a personality trait of his, to go everywhere and act like he's part of Cheers? Apparently so. So he's talking about his like, five children, and his wife, and we're like, Are you sure? Donde esta? And so he's like, he's buying everybody drinks. He's like, let me get her, these two girls Russian Quaalude shots. I'd rather fucking die. Oh, I took them. Thank you. You did not. The second one I poured in my water because I didn't want to be rude, but you poured in your water But yeah, it was just like this all we're all mean the two bartenders are like what the fuck like it was just that it Was a bonding moment. No one felt uncomfortable. Like that was not the case. It was just like it was just over the top Yeah, it's hilarious and so all of a sudden He hits us with like, Oh, I'm from Saugus originally. I'm like, Oh, no, cause Fiona's from Saugus. Her head turns around and she's had enough wine at this point that she'll entertain it. And it's, I know this, like, come to find out, this man was in love with her aunt in high school. Oh my God. It's the most Boston thing I've ever heard in my life. And so he's rambling on and on and he's like, It wasn't a sexual love. It was an emotional love. Going on and on. It transpires into her calling him Uncle Johnny. Like, this is where it's gone. And then at one point I catch him looking to the people on his left. Now, we're on his right, so he looks to the people on his left and was like, Haran, I'll tell ya. I mean, I got a wife, but I would've railed her from behind back in the day. And Fiona's like, don't talk about it. I'm like, Bill, we need the bill, we need the bill. Wrap it up, my guy. So we're having a time with Uncle Johnny, okay? Uncle Johnny gives us his keno slip. It's a hundred dollar winner. Uncle Johnny paid for dinner. Okay. Well, that was like we loved Uncle Johnny vibes. Did you net positive with Uncle Johnny then? Yeah, I think Fiona ended up with his phone number because she was supposed to bridge the gap between Auntie and, but he has a wife. I don't know, whole thing. So we went to dinner at six. We got home at midnight. We just tried to get dinner at a hole in the wall bar. Right, right. It's very on brand and I'm not surprised. I do have that was things that I did because obviously and then I have all of my thoughts and things I want to talk about and then also what I watched and read and also my Oscars thoughts. Thank you. Wow. I am. So however you want to flow this, I am No, you go ahead. I have just Oscar thoughts and then the, the topic of the day. Oh, I'm dialed in. So you kick off. I'm dialed in. Okay. Thought things I thought about. Oh, I was involved, I told you that. How the fuck does your GPS know when there's going to be traffic? And like, if there's an accident, how does it coagulate? How does it just know it's going to take me that long to get somewhere? I couldn't stop thinking about it this morning. Well, do you use Google Maps? Do you use Waze? Apple Maps? Oh well I use Waze. Whatever the map says on the map. You're a Waze person? Well yeah, it usually works for me. No it doesn't. Okay, well I know with Waze you report when you're in traffic and so you're kind of relying on other people but I'm assuming data, I mean Boston's pretty much the same every day. Yeah that's true. Unless there's like a massive accident at a random time or construction which happens all the time. Like how does it know? It's so crazy. I think someone is reporting it, keeping it updated. Someone tell us. I know. Yeah, I don't know. I feel like Hilary is going to know when she's going to DM us Okay, Hilary. Hilary will know. I don't know why I feel that way, or Erin at least. Oh, do you know who Ingrid Andres is? No. Okay, so I saw her in Cambridge like two years ago. She's like country, but like not really country. Like, she is considered in the country. Docket. She's so good. Sweet angel. She sang the national anthem. I forget what game like probably almost a year ago and she was so shit faced. She absolutely butchered it but she's like not as well known like she's well known like CMT comments on her posts and stuff like she's yeah she's yeah she's a country gal but She butchered it so badly that she posted and was like I'm checking myself in a rehab like oh, I remember this Yes, and so she came back and she just sang the National Anthem at one of the hockey games. Oh Good for her. I'm so happy. She's back. Oh come back. Yes I'm but I mean she's not really like she wouldn't be the one you picked to sing the National Anthem Like it's just not like that's just not her her voice in my opinion Yeah, but it was so good really happy for her and also hashtag brave pop off Ingrid. Yeah, imagine how fun Fucking nervous. She must have been before that. The most recent one. Yeah. And it's like a legit, it's been like a year since she's even posted. But happy for her. If she's happy, I'm happy. Yeah. Can they release the Epstein files? I am waiting. I'm just waiting. Yeah. This guy that I work with a seasoned ex officer, he gave me his thoughts the other day, which like, I just like, kind of, I value. And he said in my professional opinion, I find that there's like a group over yonder, probably something war related that I don't understand. Okay. He thinks that Epstein was working for them, like, not like CIA, but like, kind of. Adjacent? Yes, to entice all of these high, like, class, high profile individuals for blackmail purposes. I think a lot of very powerful people are very much trying to stop those from ever seeing the light of day. I mean, and I think there are gonna be a lot more names that you would assume would be on there, and then a lot more names that. You'd be horrified to learn we're on there. Yeah, I don't really want to know, but I do. At the same time. It's like, I just want another tea, but also like, ew. Bring him out. Yeah. Bring him out, bring him out. Same guy, also told me, like his, he talked to some guy, and he just like, over the years has gathered the information, his tea on Maramuri. And he works very closely with like the head of, not like public safety, but like who would be like the head of the Massachusetts State Police in New Hampshire. Okay. Does that make sense? Sure. He was like, we are absolutely confident, but like can't put it on record because we have no proof of it, that she was drunk and she hit the tree and she wandered off. And like so many people die in those woods that you don't even realize. Then where were her footsteps? Where was her body? I don't know, but he's like, that is their consensus. I'm like, what the fuck? I don't believe that. And I guess that in, not in any documentary or anything that I've seen, that the neighbor. He moved out, so they got a legal warrant to like search his property or whatever. And they didn't find anything, but they really thought that he was some he was like some sort of person of interest. But there was nothing there, too, as well. But he was on my list, too, so I can cross him off. But that was in like 2022 or 2023. I didn't know that. He gave me some tea. I was like, thanks! I think we would have found her body if she wandered off in the woods. But there's so many people There'd be footsteps. There would be evidence. No, it was snowing. It was snowing so hard. I know. I know, but it would have snowed over it by the time were eight minutes away from her. They didn't start looking that far. Oh, Cole. No, I totally disagree with you on this one. I just, I feel like that's at this point the most plausible, because where the fuck? Yeah, it genuinely makes no sense. That's all. But that really put me through a Travis Kelce not retiring. Really thought he was gonna, honestly. Really thought he was gonna as well. He probably doesn't want to go out on a loss. I mean, yeah, who wants to do that? But also, his brother did, didn't he? He did. And then they won the next year. Yeah. Yeah. Honestly, Kylie Kelce for president. A hundred percent agree. Have you been listening to her segment? I see like the TikToks of it, but I haven't been listening to it religiously, no. I feel like her humor is so Like, she's not animated, but yet she's so funny. She's dry. She's so fucking funny. She's dry, yeah. Yeah, she's really funny. And I just appreciate that about her. Yeah, she's straightforward. Yeah. Batty. Yeah. Michelle Trachtenberg, RIP. I'm so sad. What a fucking Lively's post? Even though, like, I'm not really, like, a big fan of Blake Lively. No, I didn't. I unfollowed a lot of celebs. Really? Yeah. Why? I just don't need to see it. I'll hear about it. If it's worth knowing. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's fair. Why? What did Blake Lively say? She posted and was like, which I don't, I kind of hate it, but also like, I think she needed to acknowledge it, I guess, because they were on a Gossip Girl for like a fucking decade. It was like a post of them, like from the first day they met or something. And the caption was like, use this as a sign to like check in with your old friend. It's like, okay. There's no way she fucking checked in on her, respectfully. Kenan Thompson posted something similar that was like, check in on your friends. Yeah, but also like Which is so sad. I don't know, just something about that, give me the little Little ick. Yeah, little ick. But her and Ice Did you watch Ice Princess? Was that your decade? No, I have no idea what that is. My god, Ice Princess was a movie on Disney Channel. Actually, I don't even know if it was on Disney Channel. I don't know, but it's Is that a Disney Channel orig? I think it is. And it's Joan Cusack? Is that her name? Cusack. Cusack is the mom. Okay. And Michelle Trachtenberg is the daughter. Oh, she's a nice, she's a nice skater. Yes, Kim. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Samantha. Kim Cattrall is the other mom. Yes. And Hayden Penteer is the other daughter. It's very vague, but it's You should watch that for the ick. Okay. That's a good one. Okay, you want me to watch Ice Princess? It's, like, Fiona actually, we were On Friday after a couple drinks, she's like we need to watch Ice Princess when we get home, and I was like, no, you're so right. Come to find out we got home at midnight. It didn't happen. She put it on and was like, what the fuck am I watching right now? Okay, I'll find a way to watch it. So good. But like So good it's bad. So bad it's good. So good but so fucking horrible. It's like, she's like a nerd who thinks she can like figure out the the physics behind like doing And she's like, and then, the, the velocity! Not the quantum physics of figure skating. Get the fuck outta here. That's exactly what it is. Stop. And then this is a bony driver in the mix. Oh my god, it's so good. What's going on with Meghan Markle? Enough. Why is she always like on p with like a fuckin sprinkler? You know like I think that I'm Martha Stewart. You're a princess. I legit don't care about Celeb culture anymore. And I know we talked about it all the time. So I'm not being totally I don't know how to I am disillusioned with High profile people people who are so out of touch like Meghan Markle. I don't give a fuck what you're cooking or gardening I just don't care People can't afford fucking eggs. People can't afford childcare. You actively stepped out of the royal family. And that's fine. It sounded miserable. It sounded like you wouldn't be able to thrive there. Good for you. Now go into a hole with your millions of dollars and shut the fuck up. And your beautiful bebes and your balding husband. Do you know what I mean? Like, go away. We don't care. Yeah. We don't care. I think we get what you went through at this point. It's done. There's no more you can do with it. Yes. I am sick of out of touch celebrities. Yeah, let it go. Leave it. Leave us alone. We were all there when you were giving, what's his name? Head on? 9 0 9 0 2 1 oh So you can't come back from that. Princess, we all saw you on Suits, bitch We know the real you, we know. Should I get a, a lift intent. I feel like I need one. A lift intent to your eyebrows? Yes. No, to my eyelashes. Oh, no. You don't need a lift. You have great eyelashes. They're so long. I know, but I feel like they could be fun. Like a little I mean, I am pro do whatever you want to your body. Have No, I've never touched my face at do to your eyebrows? Do you just get them waxed? Yeah. You think I tint these bitches? No, I just didn't know. No, I just do a I kinda wanna get, also on my list to talk about, is I kinda wanna get lip blushed. I want a lip flip. I really want an upper lip. Just get a lip flip, though. They're so easy. I know. just don't like needles. Have a lot of wine. Well, here's the thing Have a lot of wine before you go. I'm so serious. I also don't want something that I have to regularly get all the time. Like, I don't want something that takes a lot of upkeep. I've never met anyone that's gotten a lip flip that gets it done regularly. Not one. Really? Yeah. Interesting. Lip flippers, tell me. I do think, I've been told, and obviously anybody listening that is like, you're a fucking wrong bitch, I don't care, but, the first time you go, your, it goes away faster because your body's like, what the fuck you putting in here, and it, like, fights it off. So when I got my lips done, I, it didn't really stick until the, like, the second or third time I went. But that's different from a lip flick. I, like, fully filled my lips, but my, your body is like, When did you get lip filler? 20, couple years ago. And you didn't like it? No, I did. It's still there. I had, don't, I did not have an upper lip. Like I still have it in here a little bit. I mean, I'm sure it's probably gone, but like it doesn't like when I smiled I didn't have an upper lip. Yeah, that's what I had like it's like not great currently great, but it's something yeah, okay So I want to do lip blushing because that lasts like ever forever And it kind of almost gives you like a natural. It forever worries me, but I support you. That's fair. I've been this girl I work with got it because a girl she knows is like in training. Obviously that scares me because like when I go to someone that's in training, but she did it. She does it for free. Like she can't even take tips. She has to do like a certain amount of people before she's like official. And she got it done. It looks so good and so natural. I'm obsessed. And also for everybody listening on Amazon you can buy the lip the peel off lip stains. Mm hmm so good Oh, really? Yes, and they come out it's kind of scary because they come out a different way different color way darker Yeah, it's I've seen it on. Yeah, and it and it gives you that for someone who Like me, who has lip filler that's like gone, I can just reline and it looks 12 out of 10. Leave it for like 10 minutes and then just peel it off. Yeah, that's right up your alley of the like, leave, remove, and be done for the night. That's like so Colleen coded. Yeah. Highly recommend it. All right. Duly noted. Those are my thoughts and you're not ugly. You're just poor Yeah, no 100 percent as it turns out and I don't mean that to you. I mean that to anyone listening. No Yeah, we are not ugly. We're poor if I had money I can list you all the things that I would get done Did you see Lindsay Lohan at the Vanity Fair party? I think she's stunning. She looks Incredible incredible whatever she got Times it by two more. Give me some of that. Give me some of that. I need a transfer of back and like weird parts of my body fat to my ass. So badly. I'd never do it. Yeah, I would love a butt. But that surgery is really, really dangerous. Yeah, I know. Like I said, I would never do it. Just, you know, just, you know, I would love a lift. I would love my elevens done. Okay. Now, now we're just being mean to ourselves, like maybe, maybe a few updates. If I had money, what I would do, this is what I would do. I'm not going to do it. I don't have any money. I'm okay. I'm chilling. I do recommend the lift. The lift's incredible. They did that for my reduction. This isn't like negative self talk. This is like what I would do in a perfect world. Yeah. Pie in the sky, as some say. Yeah. I would do it. Just know. If I get rich, you don't recognize me, mind your business. Mind your business. Um, The new OJ doc, did you watch it or no? I can't. So, there's a lot of new information that I did not know about. Oh, really? Yes. Oh, I thought we were just So, the officer at work told me to watch it. He was like, you'll be shooketh. I watched the first episode and a half. There's three episodes. I was like, oh! No fucking idea about a couple things. I won't even tell you. You should really watch it. Okay. Noted. It's not really saddening. Like, it's all information you already knew. They don't, like, harp on it as if you're, like, a new viewer. Okay. That's what I thought it was. No, it's not like you're a new viewer. At all. Okay. Duly noted. I watched the Ruby Frankie documentary on Hulu. Did you like it? It's so well done. It's one of the worst stories I've ever heard. It will make you sick to your stomach. Ew. It is so, so much child abuse. It's so awful. She should burn in the fiery pits of hell. Also Casey Anthony coming on TikTok and pretending she's an advocate for her daughter. You're not welcome here. No. Not in the year of our lord 2025. No. Go into a hole and fucking rot there. Respectfully. Actually, unrespectfully. Ya bitch. Yeah, the fact that you're taking it back there respectfully is crazy. That's when you know it's legit. Yeah, unrespectfully. Go into a hole and rot. I have a lot I could say but I won't waste my breath because Bridget will cut it out. But just know We have thoughts and feelings. I feel passionately about it. Yeah, go away. I also watched Cordially Invited. Oh, yeah? What'd you think? I, within the first three minutes It was like, I want this daughter to go away, to go away right now. Like that was actually, it also, I was, it was on the beginning. I watched it at the beginning of when I started becoming volatile, so it didn't help. But I hated that fucking daughter. So goddamn much. I'm assuming the dancing part where she thinks he's cheating sent you into a tailspin. The first five minutes when she's like, dad, whatever the fucking little thing. I mean at the actual wedding. Yes. When she's. I think I dissociated at that point. I was like, no, I know something weird is about to happen. But Will Ferrell! Oh, I know, I love him. I love him and Reese. And also the alligator situation. A little crazy. But can we not? Yeah. It's a little corny. But I could never be upset about anything that Reese Witherspoon does. Nick Jonas as The comedian. What's her name? Morgan. Oh, Leanne Morgan is her name. She's the one that's super southern. The one who hits on Nick Jonas. Oh, okay, the older one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's funny. I love Leigh Anne Morgan. I love her stand up. Seeing her in that movie just made it for me. I agree. What's the name of the girl, the curly haired girl, the comedian that drives the boat? What the fuck is her name? Fortune Meester. Love her. It's like her one cameo is actually yeah, Fortune Meester is a 10 out of 10. Obsessed with her. So fucking funny. Just like uncalled for. Yeah, totally uncalled for. A legitimate cameo. Yeah. Not needed. The brother, I mean not the brother, the husband, the soon to be husband of Reese Witherspoon's sister. Loved him. Where the fuck can I get one? I know. I don't care. Sweet angel. You can literally do anything you want. You can literally shit on my head and I'd be like, okay. Colleen. Jesus Christ. Sorry. Yeah, you know what? I was thinking about it and I really should be more, have more of a filter. You're just finding that out now? Like, actually, last week I was like, oh, I guess I should just, like, not be normal. Yeah, because I counted on a bunch of shit you said last week. Yeah, no, you should've. Not mad about it at all. Thank you. But yeah, I watch Cautiously Invited. I also am on Season 2 of White Lotus. Couple of things. Didn't love the first season. Loving the second season. Can't stand the fucking music. What are we doing here? Why are we yodeling? I am so not at peace. I don't know if it's my acoustic ness. I don't know my I don't I don't know When she says acoustic ness, she means autism. Yeah, I don't know if it's my tism or what, but it's like over simulation. I'm just trying to find peace on the couch with my sleep mask and my heated blanket. It's just not that big of a deal. No, it's the entire fucking episode. What do you mean? It's just like No, it really is. It's a big deal. No, I love the White Lotus music. It's iconic and when you hear it, you know exactly what it is. The intro music? Fine. But it's just not to me. It's background music. No, it gets so much louder. It's like I'm at peace about to fall asleep and I'm listening to Tanya cry and then it's fucking screaming from the rooftops from the opera. Well maybe you shouldn't be listening to it while you're trying to go to bed. Well I'm not like purposely trying to sleep. I'm just trying to like find peace and relax. All of a sudden it's like, Aaaaaaahhhh I actually found that the Oscars, the In Memoriam song was so uncalled for and so not it. I didn't watch it, so you know. It was like succession music. It sounded like that, and people were like, Did they do the murders? Did they kill all these people? Why is this the music? I'll play it for you after. They didn't, like, preview? No, it wasn't, like, it's usually a somber song It was, like, a mob song. It was wild. It was wild. That's weird. Anyway, continue. The bullet I would take for Jennifer Coolidge is simply not okay. Yeah, she's perfect. Also, not for nothing, not to be like, She got off the boat on the second season, we have the same purse. We have the same Valentino bag. I mean, say less. So we are You are one. We I am her. Except poor. Yeah. A hundred percent. When she's just like crying all the time. Like, yes. Also, I was in fucking tears by myself when her mans Yeah. Was like Tanya, did you eat all five of these macaroons? Yeah, and then she's just like, what? And then he's like, how do you expect to lose weight if you're gonna eat five macaroons? And I don't even fucking remember. And he drank all the champagne and she's like, just looking at him like, huh? And then a whole ass episode later, She, he's in the shower and she comes up to him with two macaroons and was like, I told you I didn't eat all five. Bye. And then he leaves, and she's just like, in bed. She gets better. She's catatonic. I'm obsessed with her. Yeah, the second season is her prime. Everything she does, I'm like, Bitch, you got a Dyson? Your hair's looking Chef's kiss. Want her whole fucking wardrobe. I am obsessed with her. Yeah, she won all the awards. For, yeah, se I actually liked season two better than season one and that is rare for me. Yeah. I did not, I, my issue with season one is that I was waiting for like a big like pop to happen and I was like, okay, so what was the point of Sydney Sweeney and her fucking weird friend that was still like, I don't, yeah, I don't get it. I was like, are they together? Like, are they gonna finger pop? Like I don't know what's going on. I'm very confused. And then like thing of pop in each other's as hos. Well you, I watched that on Saturday. Of course you did. You, it's one of the only 10 movies you've referenced. It was by accident. I went to my friend's house, which is. When that movie came out, that was like our thing. It was like a high school thing, and I walked into her house and she was like, I literally just turned on the TV and it's on. Love that for you. While you were sitting around. Popping each other's assholes. And what's her name? That comedian is in the second one. She's so funny. If you know, you know. And I'm not gonna explain it. I also started Running Point. Yes. Kate Hudson. Did you watch it? No. You'll like it. Okay. Very family dynamic, funny family dynamic situation. Love. You would give it a good giggle. Read The Crash by Freda McFadden on audiobook. So I guess I didn't read it, I listened to it. The voices didn't give me a knick. Very good twist at the end. Highly recommend it. And that's it! I think that's it. Yeah. I gotta, I gotta borrow your book for the last ACOTAR book and then I'll circle back on that later. Okay. Sounds good. At a later date and time. And I feel like we'll have a good Oscars update because I didn't watch it but I just judged people's outfits and things I saw. Okay so I obviously watched it and I kept my recap short. I'm not gonna like do a whole thing this year because I actually have a very juicy story for us today. Juicy topic. Okay cool. So it was two nights ago so by the time this comes out this is like way old news. You know I was screaming. You know, I screamed cried the whole first five minutes. No, obviously in what I loved about it other than like Ariana, of course doing somewhere over the rainbow was so beautiful that dress that red dress with the shoe on the fucking back Bury me bury me in that dress Kill me inside of it, okay? If someone wants to kill me, just make sure I'm wearing that dress first. I'll reach out to Ariana personally. Yeah, because I definitely would fit in her clothes. No, for sure. My just one thigh would fit in Ariana Grande's clothes. And then of course, Cynthia comes out and sings from The Wiz, which is iconic. And then they do the medley, or they do Defying Gravity together. And what I loved about it is, If you remember one of my biggest notes from the movie is they don't let her cook and in the Broadway show There's like a crescendo and a build up and in the movie They kept breaking it up and doing storyline shit and i'm like just let her go And they fucking let her do it at the oscars good and it was so good. It was so good I was screaming She's insane. They're both insane It's just unfair. It's ungodly. It's unfair. I didn't think Doja Cat sounded good. Did you hear Doja Cat? She didn't look good. Sorry. I was like, what is happening? Where I didn't listen to her. Cynthia, on fucking point, biggest Who decides the Oscar winners? The Academy. That's why everyone thinks the Academy. Those fuckers again. Yeah. The fuckers again. We've talked about this. I know, I know, that's why I'm saying it. Yeah, people, yeah, you vote. Do you like Conan O'Brien? I do. Yeah, he's a Bostonian. Big fan. I actually saw Smart List, the podcast, live when they were in Boston and they had one show that went really poorly because they had some like random scientists come out or come out or something and it was like a late show and I went to the early show and they brought out Conan. So I got to see Conan live in Boston on smart list in two hours later They got some guy who wanted to talk about like he was like a doctor. He was like someone not famous And people were like we drove for two and it was like snowing and raining sideways. And of course, if you're a fan and you see Conan's, the earlier show, you're like, Oh, I'm the late show. Who am I going to get? And it just totally flopped. And it ended up, they have a documentary about it on HBO where they go on tour with a camera crew. It changed the whole vibe of the rest of the tour because they had a few other, like. Experts on and they changed it to famous people. I mean. So they had Matt Damon fly to like Wisconsin for one of their shows. Oh, that's nice. Because they were like, we can't do another. Can't have this going again. Yeah, no, no, no. So I love Conan, big Conan fan. Think he's hilarious. I liked what he did. I wasn't like, oh my god, that's the funniest shit I've ever seen. But I was like, he did good. He passed. He passed the test. Just curious. Demi Moore. It was on my list. Oh, Demi Moore. Was there a theme? What do you mean? Why were so many people wearing bows? Yeah, that's, that just happens. It might be whatever, it's just like in fashion for the year. A lot of people are like giving prom, I didn't like it. I thought it was awesome. I loved a lot of the, I mean, Coleman Domingo never fucking misses. He never misses. I thought Demi Moore's dress was impeccable. I loved it more than I didn't like. Oh my god, Demi Moore looked stunning. She doesn't age, so rude. Gagged, gagged and gooped. Yeah, she was totally snubbed. She has been sweeping award season. There's always one, there's always one that, you know, you expect that doesn't go that way and Demi Moore was definitely one of them. I fell for her. I loved Donora. I thought it was a great movie. I thought Mikey Madison was incredible, but I fell for Demi Moore. I really did. Adrian Brody should never be given a microphone ever again. He just was like, shut the music off. I've been here before. I've done this before, which fine. He had the longest speech in Oscar history. It clocked in at over five minutes and he was like, I'll make it quick. And that would just take ginormous pauses and not say anything for a full minute. And you're like, is there not someone that's like, no, they play music off. They play you off. And the music gets louder the longer you go on to shut you up. And he was like, turn it off. That's what I'm saying. He was like, I've been here before. Turn that off. And everyone was like, ha ha ha. Karen Colkin, so thrilled for him. Loved his speech. Love him. Jeremy Strong losing him is very succession, succession coded. I loved it. I think he's incredible. And the best bits of the night were Adam Sandler, Oh yeah. Amy Poehler, Ben Stiller, and Bowen Yang. And honorable mention to Scar Jo and June Squibb, who is just chef's kiss. I saw a picture of Scarlett Johansson and immediately thought of you. Oh, really? That outfit is you coded to a Really? Yeah, her blue velvet with the sleeves. Are you fucking serious? Oh, I was like, I like it. was so you. Oh, that's so interesting. That's what I put Jamie in. I'm not really a velvet girly. The blue. It was the sleeves. Yes, I do love a blue. And the sleeves. Sleeve, yep. I thought Zoe Saldana's dress was horrific. I was like, what the fuck is that? She's so cute, though. She is very cute and I loved her sleeves. Like, I loved the, when you have skinny arms like that, you can put a sleeve on fucking anything. It's just so fucking upsetting. And also, hey Hulu. Hulu. Kindly figure out how to fucking stream things live and go fuck yourself because it kicked me off not once not twice but thrice One of them was at the very beginning and I missed a lot of Conan's opening. it kicks me off in the middle, and then it kicks me off for the two last awards of the night, which were best actress and best movie of the year. And it was like, thank you for watching. This event has ended and you couldn't go back and look at it. And so I found what happened on Tik Tok. It's owned by Disney. What, what do you, what is happening? They were like, oh, they set a time limit and it ran over. The Oscars literally always run over. Why did you not give it buffer? Apparently this happened on the, at the Super Bowl as well. Oh, I don't know. Stop giving things time limits then. That's weird. Yeah, it was very weird. Like, you know, yearly important events, such as. Yeah, like there are just a few, you know. But anyway, I thought it was great. I love the Oscars, I ordered Chinese food, I sat on my couch, I drank a glass of wine, and I guess who's gonna win everything. I love this new trend where the people from each movie come out and talk directly to the person nominated. Like the costume design people, every person came out. I love that. I love past winners coming back. I love the bits. Ben Stiller yelling from the below the stage about production and design. Fabulous. Like it was, it was a fun night. Some people get really bored watching the Oscars. I, I do not. Fair enough. I knew none of the movies, so I didn't watch it. So who are we judging this year? Whose outfits? We judged Any ass crack I fucking saw? What is good? Since when did ass crack become high fashion? It's not. Just put it away. Just, it's not, it's not classy for me in any way, shape, or form. Put it away. And I love Zoe Kravitz. I'm usually team Zoe. I was like, what the, what the fuck is happening here? No, it's just, it's not, like, it's just, it's an ick. Our ancestors, I'll tell you, would never explain that to the pilgrims. No, couldn't explain it. Couldn't even if we wanted to. Adam Sandler obviously wins all. Obsessed with him. I don't understand Julia Fox. Like, what are we doing here? Who are you? Why are you like that? Yeah, I saw something that was like, she looks like my shower. The wall of my shower. Or like my shower drain. I was dying. No, she does. She looks like my shower drain. She does. Or the wall. She does. It's like my shower wall is screaming for help. That's what she looks like. She looks like she belongs in a crypt. I'm like legit so sorry. But she does. She really does. Timothy or Chalamet? He is the man of the moment. No, I'm getting, I'm getting it now, but also I don't get him and Kylie Jenner at fucking all. Me either. He has to have the biggest dick. He has to. Like he has to. Tell me I'm wrong. No, you are a hundred percent, right? Demi Moore, obviously. I have a really random weird infatuation with Lily Rose Depp. Interesting. I just think she's so interesting looking. She's fascinating looking. Right? Yeah. It's like she's not, obviously she's not ugly, but like She's not like this person She's very unique. Yes, you would look at her and be like, that person is like drop dead stunning. Like has the perfect like face. But like she's so infatuating. I don't know. But also because I really need to see Nosferatu too. So that's probably why I think that. Mindy Kaling is such a cutie. I love her. Stunned. Emma Stone? Yeah, Emma Stone would look great. I put them in the same category. Yep, Lupita Nyong'o always she wore a white she every red carpet She's also another one who just every time she hits right on target. I saw someone's tits. Whose was it? Julia Fox No, yeah, hers too. Yeah, hers too. No, Megan Thee Stallion. I love her. What are we doing? Yeah, I didn't like the nipple cover because if that dress just went up and covered her boobs, I thought it was beautiful I loved the color like I thought she looked stunning but I was like the nipple the coverings almost make it look Trashy even though it's not it's like super high. I don't know. I was like I just I didn't love it You know, I do love her be high very low. Yeah, just don't do it. Yeah, love her too, which is very fucking upsetting I love Miles Teller more than life dude to be his wife. I can't even look imagine. It's so upsetting. Yeah And Miley Cyrus really creeped me out. What's happening with the eyebrows? I don't know. What's happening? I don't know. I don't like it though. I feel like it's going to be one of those trends where we over plucked back in the 90s and it's coming back to bite a lot of people in the ass. I feel like bleaching your eyebrows is one of those. I don't know. I feel like Alex Cooper does that too sometimes. And I'm like, but just put them on. Just wear them on your face. Just like, take them off before bed. I think that famous people get to a point where they are like, want to do something so different that they get crazy with it. It's like, no, actually, I thought Sydney Sweeney looked gorgeous. I didn't like her dress. I thought I was giving prom, but I think she's stunning. Oh, really? Yeah. Interesting. Like, her hair, how does it look like that? But, yeah, yeah, yes. Yeah. There's a lot of, like, half curled hair. Have you seen that? Yes. Is that your jam? Yeah, I hate fully curled hair. I don't. I don't know. If I see a full curl on somebody, I'm like, ew. I just want to brush it out. No, but it's not even a full curl. I like curled. That's a wavy curl. Yeah, I don't like a wave. It looks like you half assed it to me. That's fair. Like give us, give us something, give us volume. Like a loose curl, loose wave, with a high volume. I mean a high volume root is really all I want in my life. okay, you ready for the topic of the day? Yeah, bitch. Okay. I am going to be doing a story today about an icon, a legend, the life and death. of Marilyn Monroe. What a baddie! Yeah, so when I was in high school, in my room, I had a picture of her on my wall. And I loved her. No, not the one over the grate, but it was like a picture of her posing and it was next to my mirror where I would get ready. She was like my muse. I was like, Marilyn is it. Channel your inner Marilyn. She's that bitch. Like, bring that shit back. Like, she was not a slender woman. come on now. She was though. She was curvy for then. For now, she'd be perfect. I guess, but like I just feel like they need to be more accepting. That's all I listen, you know what I'm trying to say. I a hundred percent agree with you. We love a woman with a curve, like Yeah. Wouldn't you prefer a little meat on your bones rather than a stick figure? I don't. We accept women of every size in shape. No, I know we do, but I'm just saying sometimes like, why do they get a bad meat? Why do they get a bad rep? Why do you, why don't you want someone with low immunity bones? That's what I'm saying. Yeah, I totally agree. As someone with extra meat on her bones. More cushion for the pushin Yeah, I always, I've said on the pod, I tell you, if I don't feel something on my forehead when I'm down there, I don't want it. If I don't feel a little something soft on my forehead, I don't want it. Bonus points if there's a little tuft. Please stop. A little happy trail. Please stop. Just a whistling, whispering on my forehead. Please stop. I speak the truth. I'm dead. Okay, so Marilyn Monroe. Trigger warning for literally everything. Child abuse. Sexual abuse. Domestic abuse. Drug abuse. If it starts, it ends with abuse. It's in the story. Okay. My sources for today, The Seriously Tragic Life of Marilyn Monroe from Grunge on YouTube and the classic Wikipedia. Okay. You strapped in? Dialed. Carmex in hand. Norma Jean Mortensen was born on June 1st, 1926 in L. A. Norma Jean. Norma Jean. Norma Jean Mortensen. That's crazy. But she was baptized as Norma Jean Baker. So most people know her as Norma Jean Baker when she was a kid. Interesting. She did not have it easy in her early years, so she's raised by a single mother named Gladys. Before she was born, Gladys was married to a man named John Newton Baker, and he was very abusive, and he was about nine years her senior. And they had two children together, Robert and Bernice. Okay. And she successfully, Gladys, files for divorce and gets sole custody of these two kids in 1923. But her ex kidnaps them and brings them to Kentucky, where he is from. And Gladys It's always Kentucky. Tried to get them back, and when no one would help her, she had to give up on her children. Oh. Because she didn't have the resources to get them back and no one would help. So she The way there would be a hundred Amber Alerts out. A hundred percent. As there should be. As there fucking should be. She soon remarries and gives birth to Norma Jean Baker who would then become Marilyn Monroe later in life. But Norma Jean and the man she is married to, is not Marilyn's dad. Oh. Who's Marilyn's dad? She'll never know. And when she was a kid, her mom had a picture of a man who looked like Clark Gable. Who, if you need a comparison of Clark Gable, is a very, very famous movie star. Gone with the wind. I mean, he is in a thousand things, but he is the George Clooney of our time. So it's giving Phoebe Buffay. Kind of. Kind of. Yeah, so when she's younger, when she pictures her dad, she thinks of Clark Gable because of this picture. So she's born into a troubled life. There's a, there's a lot going on. Just before I move on to Norma Jean, the two siblings that were kidnapped, Robert, the brother, would eventually pass away from kidney failure at 15 years old. Wait, what? Yeah. I don't know. And Bernice, her sister, would go on to live a relatively normal life and Marilyn Monroe would not know that she even had a sister until she was 12. They didn't even tell her. And so she'll, the sister will come back up in the story later. They do connect eventually, but let's go back to her as a baby. Also, I thought back in the day it was a faux pas to get divorced and to have children out of wedlock. She has so many ha there are so many people who are cheating and remarrying and popping out babies left, right, and center. Yeah, this scenario is definitely a one off of That time that I've heard of. No, I'm not. No, like, that I've heard of. Yeah, yeah. Fair. So, Norma Jean. Her mother, Gladys, was not prepared financially or mentally for a child. She ends up putting Norma Jean in the care of foster parents, and they tried to work something out where Gladys would live with them on the weekends but she had a job so she would work during the week and then visit Norma Jean on the weekends kind of thing and that worked for a time and then Gladys ended up saving enough money to buy a small home in Hollywood California in the summer of 1933 and so Norma Jean is about six years old at this point. They had a family living there as well I'm assuming it was like to help pay for rent yeah it's like everyone yeah and or pay the mortgage rather but in January of 1934 Gladys has a very serious mental breakdown and she was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. And this is 1934. So like just imagine. She's giving lobotomy. Yeah. So after several months in a home, she was committed to the Metropolitan State Hospital where she would spend the rest of her life in and out of hospitals and would rarely contact her daughter after this. Nice. She was never really, I mean, it sounds like they spoke, but it was not on Like motherly. No, no. No, she never has anyone in her life who loves her. That's not true. That may be a phrase. The world loves her. All Marilyn Monroe wanted her whole life was for stability and to be unconditionally loved. And her entire life is fighting for that, and she never gets it. So, let me just set that standard right out of the gates. So, she's put into foster care. For a year and a half, she stays with the Atkinson family, where she is sexually abused by the father. She's a really shy kid. She develops a stutter. She then lives with her mom's best friend, Grace. She's dating this guy, Doc, at the time. That was his nickname, Doc. After a short time, though, Grace ends up putting her in an L. A. orphan's home. It did not go well, even though this orphanage particularly had a really good reputation. It wasn't like one of those run down, awful places. She was completely isolated. She just reverted. It just was not a good space for her. And the orphanage actually recommended to Grace that she take legal custody, full legal custody of Norma Jean and that it would be a better situation for her overall. Grace does that, but doesn't do it right away. She waits nearly two years. I think Grace was also going through some stuff and just was not also prepared to take on a child, but this is now. at Norma Jean's expense. Yeah, so I would pull out all the stops as well. Right. So, once she gets her out and brings her home, she's now married to Doc. Doc allegedly sexually assaults Norma Jean. Oh, Jesus Christ. Yep, She would then go on to live with 12 different families, most of whom were either neglectful, abusive, or both. Trauma, trauma, trauma, trauma, trauma, and some more trauma. She always loved going to the movies. This is a quote from Wikipedia. It says, Monroe's childhood experiences First made her want to become an actress. This is a quote from her. I didn't like the world around me because it was kind of grim. When I heard that this was acting, I said, that's what I want to be. Some of my foster families used to send me to the movies to get me out of the house and there I'd sit all day, way into the night, up in front. There was a screen so big, a little kid alone, and I loved it. So it sounds like it was an escape for her, like she could just get away and go watch a movie. So then she family hops. She does like a couch hop situation. She ends up going to Grace for a while again, and then she goes to Grace's elder aunt. who takes her in, and this was like kind of a stable home for a hot second. She goes to junior high, and she excelled in writing, and she contributed to the school newspaper, but otherwise, she didn't like school. She was a pretty mediocre student. It just, like, wasn't where she was meant to shine. In 1941, she attends Van Nuys High School, and she has a big ol crush on a factory worker named John, James Dougherty. Jesus Christ. He's five years older than her. Love that name, though. She's 15. And they begin dating. Good lord. And she had been harboring a crush on him for a while because he was the class president and the football captain when he was in high school. So he's just like the it man, you know? And in 1942, the company that employed Grace's husband Doc and Grace was relocating them to West Virginia. Oh god. California child protection laws prevented them from taking her out of the state. She is still technically under their care. Yep. And if they leave, it's against the law to take her and she'd have to go back to the orphanage while she was going to high school. And that's obviously not ideal. So to prevent this, What did Grace do? Grace approached James Dougherty's mother, Ethel. And was like Honestly, sorry, but bring back these names. Gladys, did you say Beatrice? Norma, yeah, Beatrice, Norma Jean, Ethel. Ethel. Like, I'm obsessed. Yeah, some of them are quite cute. But can you, can you imagine meeting a baby Ethel? Yeah, I would lose my mind. So, Grace goes to Doherty's mother, Ethel, What if James and Marilyn got married? Then we would be able to move and not take care of her. And she could stay here and go to school. What are your thoughts? And Ethel agrees. Okay. And so they go to James and Norma Jean, and they're like, Hey, this is the idea. And they were both rather skeptical. And James thought Marilyn was too young to marry. She's fucking 15. At least he's fucking thinking that. Jesus. And Marilyn was really nervous. And on one occasion, this fucking breaks my heart, she went up to Grace with the idea that they would marry as friends instead of consummating said marriage. And Grace replied, quote, Don't worry, you'll learn, end quote. Yikes. So, Marilyn, Norma Jean, I use them interchangeably, I apologize. Norma Jean marries James Dougherty on June 19th, 1942, just after her 16th birthday. What were you doing at 16, Colleen? Singing a Catholic hymn? Yeah, and then on the weekends I was In a, like a parking lot, blackout drawing probably. Sure. Same. They moved into a studio apartment, Norma dropped out of high school, and she becomes a housewife. And James said that they were madly in love, and it was like constantly being on a honeymoon. But one biography said Norma Jean was quote, dying of boredom in the marriage. I mean, as, as it, as that, Makes sense. Yeah. As one does. As one does. So, the problems start when one night they were going to a dance. They were going to the Catalina Casino Ballroom. Casino Ballroom. Excuse me. Hey, Catalina Wine Mixer. Catalina Wine Mixer. That night, Monroe was a popular dance partner, because of course she fucking is. She is that bitch. Yep. And while James was relatively ignored the whole night. And he got very jealous and he flips out and he's like, I'm going home. And she's like, okay, you do that. I'm staying. And he's like, if you stay, you're not allowed back home. So there was just a lot of that. There was a lot of like, I just want you to be a quiet housewife who pops out my children. Taxi. Yeah. So in 1943, he enlists in the Merchant Marine and he's stationed in Santa Catalina Island, if you're not familiar, it's a small island right off the coast of LA. And so they move there together and then he gets sent to the Pacific and is there for almost two full years. And before he leaves, she begs him for a child, is like, I just want to be a mom. I want a baby so bad. And he's like, no, because she's about 17 at this point. This is where she starts talking to her sister. She actually gets to meet her sister when she's like 17 or 18. Okay. And I'm really glad that this happens because they stay in contact for the rest of Marilyn's life. And it's the one family member she has. So I'm just really glad I wanted to point that out. But she had someone. She has someone. So she ends up getting a factory job to help the war efforts. Shut the fuck up. And This bitch in a factory? Yeah, she was like, I think it was like 20 a week she was making, and all of these women would go to work in factories and they would make weapons and supplies and they would send it to the troops. And so then Captain Ronald Reagan, which is just so crazy, sent a photographer to get pictures of the woman working in the factories to boost morale, to help men be like, look at all the women back home, you know, all hands on deck, everyone's rolling up their sleeves to help the war. They're popping their pussies to help you out. Yes. And they didn't end up using the pictures of Norma Jean, but she caught the photographer's eye because she's stunning. She's stunning. She's brunette at this point, by the way. That's crazy. Yeah. She was, she dyed her hair blonde. She's not blonde. Naturally. I can't even picture that. I'll show you after. This did not go over well with her deployed husband or mother in law who just want her to stay at home and not be a model for some random ass photographer who showed up at a factory. And so she moved out on her own and she signed a contract with a modeling agency. She's like, bye. And just like that, so the agency deemed her figure more suitable for pinup than high fashion modeling because she's not a stick figure. She's got tits. She's got hips. She's, she, her body is in, she's for the men, not the fashion credible. And so I roll, she's, that's what, no, I, yeah, I totally get what you mean. She starts straightening her brown hair. You'll see a lot of like big curls too, but she's starting to, you know, style everything She's mostly featured in men's magazines, to your point, right? Not high fashion. She's on men's magazines and on advice from the modeling agency. She dyes her hair blonde. It's not platinum yet, but it's blonde. Okay. Okay. She quickly becomes one of the most ambitious and hard working models and by early 1946 she had a pair on 33 magazine covers and she's using the pseudonym Jean Norman. So she just switched Norma Jean. She just switched it. June of 1946, she signs a contract with an acting agency. Gasp. She's like, I want to be an actress. That's that on that. Pop the fuck off. They were not thrilled with her screen test, but they sign her anyway, because they did not want any rival studios to pick her up. Petty. I hope they didn't tell her that to her face. Petty. Her contract began in August of 1946, and Ben Lyon, who was an exec at 20th Century Fox, selected the stage name Marilyn Monroe. And the first name was picked by him because he was reminded of a Broadway star named Marilyn Miller, and Monroe is her mother's maiden name. Gladys maiden name. Oh, okay. So, Marilyn Monroe. The studio was reluctant to hire her because she was a married woman and she might get pregnant. Ugh, please. And back then, that ruined your career. How dare you get pregnant! How dare you have a bebe. Ugh, ruin your body in your entire life? I can't. Absolutely not. And so, in September, she traveled back to see James Dougherty and she asked him for a divorce, but she asked him to continue a relationship unmarried. And she was like, I still want this. Can we stay together, just not married, so that I can get signed and do what I want to do with my career? And he refused. He wanted a cute little housewife, who, I think she just, She brought out the worst in men. I'll, you know, plot twist, spoiler alert, whatever you want to call it. Men could not handle how much attention she got, how beautiful she was, how ambitious she was. She was never going to be the quiet little church mouse that sat at home and popped out seven children. Yeah. And even times where she wants children, she still is like a very shrewd businesswoman. So like, she was never gonna do, she was devastated of course, because she's young and this is her first love of her life. This is probably the only love she's ever known, right, at this point. Girl, it's for the best. He can't handle the star you're about to become. You know what I mean? Your sparkle is too bright. So I'll call her Marilyn from here on out. The first six months she's in it. She's acting. She's dancing. She's singing. She's watching movies. She's taking notes. She's observing how the movies are actually made. She's asking questions behind the camera. She is all fucking in. They get her in a few small roles in a couple of things, and then they enroll her in the Actors Laboratory Theater, which is an acting school where you like get all these techniques and all this stuff. And she later stated that it was, quote, my first taste of what real acting and a real drama could be, and I was hooked. End quote. She's like, I was never a student. This was what I was meant to do. I'm dialed in. Yeah. Despite her enthusiasm, her teachers thought she was too shy and insecure to have a future in acting. And Fox did not renew her contract. But she's still modeling on the side. She's doing the odd job. She's picking up. She's a fucking hustler. Like she is doing any baby part in a movie. She's like, I'll fucking do it. I'm not above that. So, determined to become an actress, she continues on, she studies acting, she becomes an excellent networker. She knew where all the execs would be, she knew the parties to go to, she knew the reporters who would help give her a boost. She knew how to charm. And she was beautiful. And of course, she starts to have relationships with some of these execs, right? So she's married, however no, she's, she's divorced from her first husband at this point. Oh, she is. Okay. I believe so. Yes. Let her go. Yeah, he let her go. maybe some of them are married? Oh, okay. Yeah. I mean, it's fine. And one of her man friends recommends her to Columbia Pictures, who signed her in 1948. And at Columbia, this is where she goes from regular blonde to platinum blonde. Like, when you think of Marilyn Monroe today, it's because of this. Okay. And her contract doesn't last, but she continues to learn and study and she got herself a mentor and she's just working her ass off. She's also dating this guy named Johnny Hyde and he is the VP at one of the biggest acting agencies. And he gets her a bunch of small roles in really big movies. In one movie, she worked with Bette Davis, which is a very big deal. Bette Davis then is like Viola Davis now. Or like a Cate Blanchett, like a very, high profile actress, right? And she's getting in more roles, even if they are small, in movies that are critically acclaimed. So the movies are getting higher and the people she's working with are getting higher. And one biographer wrote that she, quote, moved effectively from movie model to serious actress. Unquote. She's getting mentioned in newspapers and magazines and her work is picking up. So she's still modeling on the side Okay, cuz she can't it's not a full time job yet the actressing and she's doing commercials And she ends up posing nude for a photographer and it was for 50 bucks and it was for her to pay her car bill. I mean, do what you gotta do, sister. No judgment. And she was fine with nudity. She had been modeling for years at this point. It wasn't that big of a deal, but just put a pin in this for now. Okay? Oh, okay. Because this is going to come back. Oh no. So Johnny Hyde, her, I don't know, this man she is seeing, gets her a seven year contract with 20th Century Fox and the contract states that they can reevaluate and break her contract at the end of every year. So even though it's for seven years, they can fire her in 12 months if they want to. What the fuck is the point of the seven years? That's correct. Johnny Hyde dies of a heart attack a few days later and Marilyn is devastated. So now we've lost two men. Yikes. So far. Right? In 1951, she got parts in three moderately successful comedies. All three films feature her, essentially, as a sexy ornament. Yikes. So, but people are talking about her. They're talking about her in the New York Times. All publicity. Audiences love her. She's getting written thousands of fan letters a week. Marilyn was declared You're gonna love this. Miss Cheesecake of 1951. No notes. And it's by the army newspaper, Stars and Stripes, and soldiers would vote on Miss Cheesecake. And it was all the soldiers in the Korean War. So it was like, Miss America, but voted by the troops. So she was Miss Cheesecake. I love her. Say less. In February 1952, the Hollywood Foreign Press Association named Marilyn Monroe the, quote, best young box office personality. So she is on the up and up. She's making it happen. She's finally seeing her hard work come to fruition, right? And while this is happening, she be dating. She be dating everybody. She has lots of flings with men all over the industry. And in early 1952, she began a highly publicized romance with retired New York Yankees baseball star Joe DiMaggio. He is quite literally one of the most famous baseball players of all time. Of all time. I love that name. Joe DiMaggio. Ugh, like, I love it. I'm obsessed. I don't even care what he looks like. They met on a blind date in LA. Hey friends, can you step your pussies up for me please? We have shitty friends at this point. Harry and Meghan, blind date. Joe DiMaggio and Marilyn Monroe, blind date. What's happening here? It's not fair. It's not fair. One of our friends recently was like, to me and Erin, The single girls, of course. You just need a friend of a friend. And I was like, You're the fucking friend! We've run through them. So unless, we need some, we need some more friends then. We need some fresh friends. But then the other friends are like, No, we don't need anymore. And I'm like, okay, correct! So you, step your pussies up! Yeah, step your pussies up. That's all. So now she has a super famous boyfriend. She's getting really big roles. Things are taking off. And that is when the studio learns that she posed nude. And rumors start to come out that it's Marilyn. Now, keep in mind, she was going by Jean Norman. Okay. And this is before the internet, right? We're not, it's not now where you're like, those two people are clearly the same. Her hair is different, right? Like, it's similar enough, but you just don't know. And they don't know what to do. The studio's freaking out. So they talk about it for weeks and weeks, and they decide, together with Marilyn, that to prevent damaging her career, it was best to just admit it. To just come out and say, I was broke at the time, I needed to pay my car, it's what I needed to do to pay the bills. And in March of that year, she comes out and she tells the world, Yes, I did pose for said calendar. And the strategy gained her public sympathy. They loved her for it. Good. And increased interest in her films, of course, went up, for which now she's one of the top on the call sheet. She's getting the big roles now. Let's go! In the wake of the scandal Marilyn Monroe was featured on the cover of Life magazine as the talk of Hollywood. And in this interview she famously said, when asked, what do I, what do you wear to bed? Is everyone she's a sex symbol, right? So people are like, what do you wear and she said what do I wear to bed? Why Chanel number five, of course iconic Iconic. So, gossip columnist Hedda Hopper declared her the cheesecake queen turned box office smash. Three of Monroe's films were released soon after to capitalize on the public interest and people are talking about our girl. As they should. Stir the pot, baby. So, also, full circle, Sipping with the Shannons moment, Aspiring publisher. Hugh Hefner bought one of the nude photos and made it the first centerfold of a new magazine called Playboy. Playboy. And she never saw a single fucking dollar of the millions that were made off of the 50 she got from that guy. from that photographer. Such bullshit. Justice for her. At this point, full blown sex symbol. She just wants to be taken seriously. She loves acting. They put her in better movies, but she's getting typecasted as this dumb blonde with her tits out. For example, the movie Monkey Business, she acts opposite Cary Grant, and she plays a secretary who is a dumb, childish blonde, innocently unaware of the havoc her sexiness causes everyone around her. Uh Huh. Outside of the movies, she also liked wearing revealing clothing and low cut dresses. She told one gossip columnist that she doesn't usually wear underwear. So she's kind of leaning in, but I personally think she She knows that the more people talk, and like, I'm gonna use what I have. Yeah. Like, I want to be in these movies. The more people talk about me, the better the roles I get. So I'm just gonna lean in. I also think she was just comfortable with her sexuality. But back then, it was like Not allowed. No Oh! Clutching my pearls. Gasped. And people were fucking feral over her. She is the it girl. So, this is where I believe things start to take a turn for the worst. During this period, she gains a reputation for being very difficult to work with, which worsens throughout her career as it progresses. Very Kathryn Heigl. She is late a lot or doesn't show up at all. She doesn't remember her lines. She would demand several retakes before she was satisfied with her performance. Her dependence on her acting coaches also irritated directors because they were like constantly standing off screen. Yeah. And like giving her directions when they were like, we just need to shoot the fucking scene. Like, go away. Her problems have been attributed to a combination of being a perfectionist, having low self esteem, and also stage fright. Which is shocking to think about. Like, the biggest star in the world has stage fright. She disliked her lack of control on film sets because when she was doing photo shoots, she had more Creative like go do what you want. Go pose how you want, you know, she had a lot of creative Ability on a set. It's like get have to stay on this Dot, don't move, and also say this line exactly how it's written. To alleviate her anxiety and chronic insomnia, what do you think they did, Colleen? Lobotomy? She began to use barbiturates, amphetamines, and alcohol. Can we not? Which also exacerbate exacerbated her problems. Although she did not become severely addicted until later, it just made everything worse. Some of her behavior, especially later in her career, was also in response to how condescending men were in the sexism onset. I mean, Me Too did not happen that long ago, that movement. Imagine what it was like in the 1950s. I can't. I don't want to know, actually. Yeah, one biographer, Lois Banner, said she was bullied by many of the directors. So it's like, yeah, she's difficult, but are you a dick? Probably. Oh, she can't sleep, so you're gonna give her It's alcohol to go to sleep, and then when she wakes up, you're gonna give her meth to stay awake? Like, what? She's your puppet. And then she's late, and then you're mad. It's just like, they just want, it was very Dance Monkey Dance. Yeah. You know what I mean? 1953, they released three movies where she is the star, and again, The sex symbol. Marilyn and her makeup artist, Alan Whitey Snyder, developed her trademark makeup look, which was dark, arched brows. So dark. Pale, pale skin that was glistening. Can we, can that be Ann again? Okay, Edward Cullen. Red lips in a beauty mark. One dotted beauty mark on her face. One of these movies, the three movies, is Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, which is probably her most favorite, one of the most famous movies she's in of her whole life. She teams up with Jane Russell, and in the movie, they are two gold digging showgirls. And this is where she sings Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend. She's in a pink dress. She's dripping in diamonds and she has this voice and just natural sensuality about her. Have you ever heard her speak? Yeah. It's like very breathy. It's like very Marilyn. Yeah, she then gets a movie with Lauren Bacall who compared to someone right now Is like Scarlett Johansson. Okay, and in this movie Marilyn played a naive model who teams up with her friends to find rich husbands Again, or her friend just the one very similar to gentlemen prefer right like rinse and repeat It's always the same blonde finding a husband gotta break the cycle. Yeah, so Monroe is listed in the annual top 10 money making stars poll. And according to Fox historian Aubrey Solomon, one of the studio's greatest assets of the time. She's actually not making that much money though, which we'll get into. That's crazy. Because she signed a contract and then went boom after the contract was signed. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. In the same year, she marries Joe DiMaggio. They had been dating for two years at this point. They travel all over the place for their honeymoon. Oh. They end up going to Japan at one point. And she goes to Korea with her friends and she sings in front of 60, 000 Marines for a four day period because they're at war and she's just there to help. She's America's guest. Like it is, it is Maryland's world and we all living in it. And at the 11th Golden Globe Awards. That's crazy. This year was the 82nd. For the record. Damn. This is 1954. She wins world film favorite, which isn't even a thing anymore. She didn't even go. That's how, like, not it, the Golden Globes were yet. Damn. Yeah. That's crazy. She's like, what is this thing I'm getting? Yeah. What? I don't even get it. Marilyn. World's what? She starts to argue with the film execs. And I'm not talking, like, on set with directors now. We're talking about, like, 20th Century Fox president. And a lot. And she had the same contract from seven years ago. And even though she's the biggest star, she's making less than everybody else, like I said. She also wants to stop doing dumb, blonde movies where she sings and is just hot with her tits out. And this is what Wikipedia says. Quote, Her attempts to appear in films that would not focus on her on her as a pinup had been thwarted by the studio head exec, Daryl F. Zanuck, who had a strong personal dislike of her and did not think she would earn the studio's much revenue in other types of roles. End quote. It's all about the Benjamins, baby. Always, in every asset, in every realm, every industry. Yep. Everywhere. She ends up getting a new contract and the bonus is 100, 000 in today's money. Very My Favorite Murder of Us but it's 1. 2 million is her bonus. Okay. So, I mean, for your biggest movie star, though, You could do better. You could do fucking better. She's pumping them out for you. Yeah, come on. In September 1954, Marilyn began filming the movie The Seven Year Itch. She plays a woman who became the object of her married neighbor's sexual fantasies. Of course. And although the film was shot in Hollywood, the studio decided to generate advanced publicity. So they stage one of the scenes. Where Marilyn Monroe is standing over a subway grate with the air blowing up her skirt, her white dress, and it's on Lexington Avenue in Manhattan. The shoot lasted for several hours and attracted 2, 000 people. And again, this is before social media, so this is people walking down the street hearing word of mouth that Marilyn Monroe is here. Yeah, there's no tweets. There's no Instagram. No, no, do moi. No, no, no The subway great scene became one of Marilyn Monroe's most famous and the seven year itch became one of the biggest commercial successes of the year after its release the publicity stunt placed Monroe on International front pages and it marks the end of her marriage to Joe DiMaggio The Union had been troubled from the start and he was very jealous Yeah, I feel like And he was physically abusive. Give it Oh, okay. And when she flew home from New York to Hollywood in October, they got into a massive fight that turned violent, and she filed for divorce. They'd only been married for nine months, but they'd been together nearly three years. And he was devastated. He wrote her letters. He apologized. He confessed his undying love for her. She was seen through the court proceedings sobbing. So upset but she went through with it because she was like I'm not fucking doing this again I'm not being treated poorly. So after the seven year itch wraps Marilyn left Hollywood for the East Coast. She's like, I'm Gucci. I mean, yeah I need some New York and she and a photographer named Milton Green found their own production company called Marilyn Monroe productions MMP She is only the second woman in history to ever start a production company this bitch Like did you know any of this? No I did not. Monroe stated that she was tired of the same old sex roles and asserted that she was no longer under contract with Fox. She's like, I fulfilled my duties, check, check, check. I've done all these movies. If they're not going to give me roles that I actually want to be in, I'm going to make my own. Yeah. Goodbye. The ones I deserve. Exactly. This begins a year long battle, legal battle, between her and Fox. The press largely ridicule her, and tear her down, and publicly mock her, and take the piss out of her. Of course they don't. For thinking she's stupid enough to start a production company. But, she's in New York, she has her own company, and for a year, she takes a break and she just studies acting. She gets new acting coaches, she does private lessons, she signs up for workshops, and she just continues to hone her craft. She is obsessed with acting. So she continues seeing Joe DiMaggio, even though they're divorced. Come on, Mare. And she's also rumored to be dating Marlon Brando, casually, on the side. Live your life, sister, you're divorced. As one does. And then she meets playwright Arthur Miller. Okay. Okay. Arthur, come on now. Arthur Miller. He won a Pulitzer. He's very smart. Mr. Miller. He is married. Come on. And they begin having an affair. And it gets increasingly more serious. And when the divorce with Joe DiMaggio is final, Arthur Miller is still married. But when Marilyn is not, they begin their affair full out. And he ends up separating from his wife. And the studio urges her to end it with Miller. Because he was apparently being investigated by the FBI for allegations of communism. Because the fifties man, she refuses and it actually leads to the FBI opening a file on her and they were like maybe she's a part of it and they didn't find any evidence but like You're married to Joe DiMaggio, and you're flying to Korea, and you're battling this exec, and your movie's coming out, and you're dating a married man, and you're, it's like, And you're a communist! And you're a communist, and the FBI's checking you out, like, it's, she could write 17 books. Dude. She's like 30, by the way. That's so crazy. Not even. What have I done by 30? Nothing. So she ends up fighting Fox, and what ends up happening is they come to an agreement, a new seven year contract, and MMP, her production company, would not, she realized like, I want to do this on the side, but I can't finance it all myself. So I have to work with Fox and make the big money so that I can do the side projects I want. And Fox knows they can't make the big money without Marilyn. So they kind of need each other. They're accepting it. And so they pay her 400, 000 to make four films, which is nearly 4. 7 million. And they granted her the right to choose her own projects. the directors, and the cinematographers. Damn. And she would also be free to make one film a year with her production company once she completed every movie with Fox. So you do one movie a year with Fox, you do one with NMP. You help you. She ends up making out like a bandit. This is exactly what she wants. Yeah, she gets her control over her company and control over the set. This is great. So she's acting for Fox again, and she legally changes her name to Marilyn Monroe. The papers are now commending her. She's a shrewd businesswoman. Look at that bad ego. Really? You just spent a year fucking tearing the woman down. Do you know what it's giving? It's giving Britney Spears. Yeah, it's like Pop, princess, queen, idol, can't beat it to like, mentally unstable, must be arrested. Do you know what I mean? And there's no in between. It's like she was just your favorite, shut the fuck up. Yeah, for real. Her first movie is a drama called Bus Stop, and the director on this movie would later compare to Charlie Chaplin, which is like, such a high compliment, and he said her ability to blend comedy and tragedy was unlike anything he had seen. Interesting. And that's what made her, like, Charlie Chaplin. She received a Golden Globe nomination for her performance in this movie, so, like, Pop Off Girl. She marries Arthur Miller in a four minute wedding ceremony, and she actually converts to Judaism. Good for her. And they have a Jewish wedding a few days later. Love that. And this fact is actually insane. People were so upset that the country of Egypt banned all Marilyn Monroe movies. Because she converted. I'm not kidding. Why was Egypt that mad about it? Ah, religion? I don't know. Also, the media? Not happy about the two of them. He was a little dorky, he wore big glasses, and she is literally America's guest bombshell, platinum blonde, gorgeous angel. Right? So, Variety's headline after the mismatched couple got married was, quote, egghead weds hourglass. That's so mean. That's so mean. What does this man look like? It's so mean. Now that we're not recording, can I look it up? Yeah. Okay. Oh my god, he's not that bad. No, he's, he's handsome. Everyone is so dramatic. Like he's handsome. Yeah, he's fine. Yeah, like he's fine. If he makes her happy, leave her alone. Yeah, exactly. The media was just very unkind to her. They're living for the drama. They were either protective over her or tearing her down. And unfortunately that year she becomes pregnant and she suffers a miscarriage. And this is where the decline begins. It does not get better from here people so just keep that in mind. Yikes. Her company is filming some independent stuff where she has much more control but her and her partner, that photographer I mentioned earlier, Milton, they start arguing about how the business should be run and after her miscarriage her dependency on drugs and booze. Skyrockets. As it does. They released one of the independent movies they were working on. It doesn't do that great. She's sort of spiraling. She ends up taking an 18 month break to just focus on herself. Her and Arthur split during this time and she suffers an ectopic pregnancy and another miscarriage. Yikes. She's just going through it. And it turns out she has endometriosis. And I don't know if they knew what to call it back then, like, I don't know if she knew that. Yeah. But that's what they say now was, was part of the problem and why she was having so much trouble. She was also drinking and swallowing pills left, right, and center. So, like, who knows? Not a good mix either way. Right. So, I, I don't know. We can't say exactly what it was, but she very clearly is having lots of trouble. She then gets briefly hospitalized for an overdose. And she's now fully addicted at this point. She can't function without barbiturates. The disagreements over her business continued to the point where she ends up buying him out. She just buys his shares and now it's just hers. And in 1958, she went back to LA to film Some Like It Hot. And to be clear, at this point, she is 32. She has lived a thousand lives. One thousand lives. Sun Like It Hot is probably the biggest film of her life. If people know Marilyn, it's usually, one of the movies is Sun Like It Hot, okay? Okay. She is an absolute nightmare on set. It has become, this entire set sounds awful, this set has become of like Hollywood legend of how bad it was. She demanded dozens of retakes. She did not remember her lines. She did not act as directed. Toni Curtis, her co star, famously said that kissing her was like kissing Hitler. Due to the number of retakes she asked for. That's a wild statement to make. In my head I'm like, oh, did she just not pluck her mustache? No. No, not, not bad breath. Not just like a red onion before the make out sesh. Like, she's very demanding. She's someone who, if you ask her to do something, she'll dig her heels in and do the opposite. Like, I forget what movie she was working on, but a director was upset she started, she was late. So she would purposefully I can't. It would say, if you're not going to be kind to your artists, then they're not going to be able to work at their best capacity. Oh. She was very, like, I'm the star here. Now mind you, she's hanging on by a thread mentally. So like, let's take this all with a grain of salt, right? She privately said that the production was a sinking ship, she disagreed with the director constantly on how to play the role. She angered him by asking him to alter many of her scenes, which in turn made her stage fright worse. And it suggested that she, it was suggested that she deliberately ruined several scenes to act them the way she wanted to. Yeah, she's a nightmare. She's becoming a complete fucking nightmare. Some Like It Hot was a critical and commercial success when it was released in March of 1959. She earned Is this the same timeline as like our grandparents? Yeah. That's so weird. My mother was born in 1959. That's crazy. Yeah. She gets the Golden Globe for Best Actress in a Leading Role from it. And it has been voted one of the best films ever made. I watched it in college because it's on the 100 Greatest Movies of All Time with IMDb. Interesting. Yeah. And like I said, we are, she's not well in any capacity at this point, I think it's one of those things, you know how some people say, Oh, your, your career is either popping off or your personal life is, but never at the same time. I think that's what's happening here. After something like it hot, she takes another hiatus. And in 1959 she starred in a musical comedy called Let's Make Love and she accepted the part solely because she Had to do it for Fox. It was like the movie of the year that they picked or whatever The film's production was delayed by her frequent absences from set During the shoot, Monroe had an affair with her co star and it was widely reported by the press and it was used for publicity and yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda. And it was an unsuccessful release. So it doesn't do that well. So it flops a bit. This is such a crazy sentence that I'm about to read out loud. Truman Capote. lobbied for Monroe to play Holly in a film adaptation of Breakfast at Tiffany's but the role went to Aubrey Hepburn as its producers feared that Monroe would complicate the production. That's how awful she's being. That's crazy. It's like people are like we don't even want to hire her because she, she delays production that long with how late she is. She's a liability. she's a liability. The last film Marilyn completed was called The Misfits alongside Clark Gable, which is ironically who she thought was her dad her whole life. Oh, why is that so upsetting? It's so fucking sad. And uh, it just breaks my heart. And she's beautiful in it. And there's always this line they show from the movie where he's like, you might be the saddest girl I've ever seen. And she says, Oh, you know, men don't tell me. That I look the happiest and he's like that's because you make men happy and it's just such a fucking bummer Because it might be a little too on the nose. I don't know. Yeah, Arthur Miller wrote it her ex. Good Lord They're still technically married and he Wrote it for her so that she could have a dramatic role because he knew what she wanted But she really resented it because he wrote the character based off of her It was Rosalyn, and she said she thought the character was inferior to male roles. And it was someone who was hot and struggled and she was like, How fucking dare you write a role based on me that didn't stand up to all these fucking men and just wanted their approval. And so she struggled with Miller's habit of rewriting scenes the night before filming. Right, the stage fright, the being a nightmare, forgetting her lines. Someone rewriting a scene the night before is gonna send her for a fucking loop. And so Monroe and Miller's marriage was effectively over. So he began an affair with a photographer on set of this movie. Good God. Like can everyone just keep it in their fucking pants for five seconds? Literally no. Her health is also failing. She's in pain from gallstones. Her drug addiction was so severe. No. Ugh, her drug addiction was so severe that her makeup usually had to be applied while she was still asleep under the influence of barbiturates. That's the only way they could do it. What do you mean? She would pass out and thus they would flip her over so that they could do her makeup for, to film. Good. Uh, In August, filming was halted for her to spend a week in a hospital detox. After filming was over, she officially splits from Arthur Miller, thank fucking God, and the movie was released, but again, doesn't do that great. In 1961, she was set up to do another project, it fell through, and she's like, Okay, I just need to take a break and focus on my health. She has surgery for her endometriosis, so they must have known something was amiss. Her gallbladder problems. She underwent four weeks of hospital treatment for depression. Now, here's the thing. She went in and basically was like, I just want to rest and I just want to have a detox. And they placed her in a ward meant for people with psychosis. And she was placed in a padded room for three days. Ugh, God. And she was not allowed to move or leave. And at this point, she had rekindled a friendship, not, they were not lovers, a friendship with her ex Joe DiMaggio. And after three days, he fucking kicked the door down. It was like, get her out of here. And he helped transfer her to a hospital that was more suited for what she was looking for. I know kill me. Uh, In late 1961, she dates Frank Sinatra for several months in return to live in California where she ends up buying a house, a beautiful house in Brentwood, LA. And she came back into the spotlight spring of 1962. She won world's film favorite again at the 19th Golden Globes. Her next movie with Fox starts to film and it's called Something's Gotta Give and she gets really, genuinely, really, really sick right before it with Sinusitis and it sounds like a horrible version of a sinus infection like worse Yeah, and so the doctors on set told the studio you need to put it like she genuinely needs rest Yeah, and the studio not only pushed forward anyway and said fuck her and fuck this Allegedly, they leaked stuff to the press saying she was faking it, so the public would pressure her to work. Jesus Christ. So, again, she's barely hanging on by a thread, she's sick, she's on barbiturates, she's drinking, she has insomnia, she has pills, they, she wakes up, she's groggy, they give her pills, it is just, if you've ever read anything about Judy Garland, it's like that, it's just awful, there is no one advocating for her at work, it's just fucking brutal. And she's also awful on set and demanding and she's defiant on purpose. Right. And so on May 19th, she takes a break from filming, she flies to New York, and at Madison Square Garden, in front of a crowd of people, she sings JFK Happy Birthday. Oh, yeah. And this causes absolute fucking chaos for multiple reasons. First of all, she wears this beige, skin tight dress that's covered in sequins. It's fucking stunning. It makes her look naked. Yep. So, in this day and age, again, clutching the pearls, gasping for air. I have a video of her. I have a video of her coming out. She comes out late. Of course she does. And they actually refer to her as the late Marilyn Monroe, which ends up not being so funny, but at the time was funny because she was late for everything. And she has a white fur coat, like a over, not a coat, a white shawl on, and when she takes it off, the entire crowd goes, Oh, do you want to see it? Yeah, of course. This is what happens. Happy birthday. And it's very, happy birthday. Like it's so sensual. Ready? This is her running out. The way she just like tiptoes. The gasps. Everyone's so dramatic. Like it's still going. Doesn't she look stunning? Always. Iconique! Also, when you go on my YouTube, the very first option is Cynthia Erivo performs Edelweiss for Julie Andrews. And the second one is Hogwarts ASMR. So someone arrest me. Immediately. Hogwarts. Hogwarts. Hogwarts. Hoggy, Hoggy, Hogwarts. Do you know, it's just like the, teach us something, please. Help us. Okay, so she performs, right? It's absolutely stunning. She looks nude. And also, Fox execs are like, You've been sick. You've literally been sick, but you can fly to fucking New York and yodel for the president? And yodel for the president. Also, there are rumors Because she is sleeping with JFK. That they're dating. Good lord. Carolyn, my mother, will tell you they were. She also had a fling with RFK, allegedly. Interesting. JFK distanced himself, and then she would pick up with RFK. Whether you believe that or not is completely up to you. But of course I have feelings with RFK. Him What? Is he going to take away my Diet Coke? R. F. K. Junior, honey. R. F. K. Junior. We're, we're in the 60s, baby girl. The man right now. Well, if he takes away my night coat, we're gonna have some beef. Great. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. But her essentially singing happy birthday to the president doesn't really help the cheating scandals or the rumors about them sleeping together, you know what I mean? Yes. So it's just chaos all around. Yes, she is just taking oil and pouring it on the flame. Miss girl gives no fucks. People are feral. Okay, she goes back to filming and there's this one scene where she's swimming naked in a pool And for the movie, almost like over the subway grate, they invite press to come and film it. They have them take pictures. And this was later, those pictures were published in Life Magazine, and this is unheard of because no actress in the height of their career was taking nude photos. It was crazy. Again, people are feral. I think she's just comfortable with her body. Like, I think she loves being a star. I think she's someone who's searched for love her whole life and in some ways is getting it from the people. It's scratching something for her. Yes. Whatever. Do you? A hundred percent. So she was again on sick leave for several days. Fox decided that it could no longer afford to have another film running behind schedule. And on June 7th, Fox fires Marilyn Monroe and they sue her for 750, 000 for damages, which is a shit ton of money back then. The fuck? Yeah. She was replaced by another actress, but after the director refused to make the film with anyone other than Marilyn, Fox sued him too. And they shut down the whole movie. They're like, nope. The studio blamed Yeah. No Marilyn, but yeah. The studio blamed her for the film's demise and began spreading negative publicity about her, even alleging that she was mentally unstable. Now, she was. However, again, it's like, talk her up when you want. Let's film her naked. Let's photo shoot her naked. But when she doesn't do what we want, we're just gonna tear her down in the press because we know it's gonna bother her. You know what I mean? Make it make sense. They soon regretted their decision and reopened negotiations with her in June because they're like, she's our biggest moneymaker. We literally can't make money without her. What the fuck are we supposed to do? They reached some sort of agreement. She's lined up to do a bunch of shit. Back and forth and back and forth and back and forth. So to repair her public image, she does a bunch of interviews for Life in Cosmo. Sorry, Cosmopolitan. I meant, I said the martini and not the magazine. Yeah, but people would know. Cosmopolitan. And she does a photo shoot for Vogue and with the photographer Burt Stern. Burt Stern. Burt Stern. Baa. Burt Stern. They collaborated for two series of photographs over three days. One was standard fashion editorial and the other one was posing nude. And after she died, they posted it with the title, The Last Sitting. Which is just very eerie because it kind of was so in her final months. She lived in Brentwood She was just living her life and her housekeeper Eunice Murray was staying overnight at the home and on the evening of August 4th in 1962 Murray woke up at 3 a. m. on August 5th and just sensed that something was off and she saw light coming from under Marilyn's door But the door was locked and she wasn't getting a response. So she calls Marilyn's psychiatrist name is Ralph Ralph gets to the house he gets there pretty quickly. He breaks into the bedroom through a window and he finds her dead. She was nude in her bed covered by a sheet with her hand clamped around a telephone receiver. Her physician arrived at 3 50 a. m. and pronounces her dead. She was 36 years old. Yikes. The toxology report showed that the cause of death was acute barbiturate poisoning. Empty medicine bottles were found next to her bed. The possibility that Monroe had accidentally overdosed was ruled out because the dosages found in her body were like three times. the lethal limit. It, it wasn't, to be clear for everyone, it wasn't like she took six ibuprofen instead of three. She took like a whole bottle. Right. So that led them, and there was no foul play to, you know, the cops came of course and they found no indication of foul play. So the deputy coroner classified her death as a probable suicide. What was the deal with the phone? I don't know, maybe, maybe regret of what she just did and she tried to call for help but it was too late or maybe she was trying to call someone. I don't know. Monroe's sudden death was front page news all over the world. Her bus stop director said that she was quote, one of the most unappreciated people in the world. Ugh. Marilyn's funeral was held on August 8th. It was private, and it was attended only by her closest associates. The service was arranged by Joe DiMaggio. Ugh, justice for this man. Her sister. And her closest business manager. And Joe DiMaggio was the only one of her ex husbands to attend. The fuck? He barred most of Hollywood from attending and believed that they held a responsibility for her death. He also blamed himself. Ugh. Hundreds of spectators crowded the streets around the cemetery. Monroe was later entombed in the Corridor of Memories. And Joe DiMaggio would send flowers to her crypt three times a week for the next twenty years. I'm like so upset, honestly. I need to see what Joe DiMaggio looks like. I know. Not what you think. Not as cute as you think. He was a, but he had everything else. He did, but he wasn't a good partner. He beat the piss out of her. He may have loved her, but he didn't love her in the healthy way. But he regretted it. He certainly did. So, there have been some conspiracy theories since she died of what happened, of foul play, etc. So I asked ChatGPT to just tell us the skinny. What happened? Give us the tea. Or just like, what are the conspiracy theories, what are the main ones? This is what ChadGBT said. Oh, the conspiracy theories around Meryl Monroe's death are wild, and they've been swirling for decades. Officially, she was found dead in 1962 from an overdose of barbiturates, ruled as a probable suicide. But girl, the theories say otherwise. Here are the juiciest ones. Okay. Kennedy cover up. Oh my god, of course. Since she was rumored to have affairs with both JFK and RFK, some believe she knew way too much about government secrets, like mafia ties or even UFOs. The theory, the Kennedys wanted her silenced before she could spill the tea. Her housekeeper said Bobby Kennedy visited Marilyn the night that she died. Oh! And he was there, like, day of. And she died that night. Interesting. They say. Second, the mafia hit. Oh, god. The mob hated the Kennedys and might have used Marilyn to get dirt on them. When she became a liability, they allegedly took her out, making it look like an overdose. Very Godfather vibes. Third, forced overdose. Some believe she didn't take the pills herself, but she was actually given a lethal dose, whether by the government, the mob, or someone in her inner circle. Suspiciously, there were no water cups near her bed, so how did she swallow all those pills? Food for thought. Oh, that's really true. Unless she was just like, that seasoned with it, that she could throw them back. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Her doctor did it. Marilyn was on a lot of meds and some think her doctor is overprescribed or even eventually given her a lethal mix. Accidental, maybe, but some suspect foul play. She faked her death, is another one. This is the last one. It says, okay, this one's out there, but some say Marilyn disappeared and lived under a new identity. Do we buy it? Probably not, but it's a fun one to throw in the mix. And then it ends with, no one really knows what happened that night, but the theories keep her story alive, and let's be real, she was more than just juicy gossip. She was iconic with a little lipstick mark. And so, to go back to what I was saying earlier, not conspiracy theory themed, a professor named Sarah Churchwell studied narratives about Marilyn Monroe and wrote quote the biggest myth is that she was dumb. The second is that she was fragile The third is that she couldn't act and she was far from dumb, although she was not formally educated She was very sensitive about that, but she was very smart indeed and very tough she had to be both to beat the Hollywood studio system in the 1950s. The dumb blonde was a role. She was an actress for heaven's sake. Such a good actress that no one now believes she was anything but what she was portrayed on screen. End quote. The Smithsonian Institution has included her on the list of 100 most significant Americans of all time. Because she is. She also remains a valuable brand. Her image and name have been licensed for hundreds of products and she has been featured in advertising brands for Mercedes Benz. Absolute Vodka and Chanel. According to the Guide to United States Popular Culture, quote, as an icon of American culture, Monroe's few rivals in popularity include Elvis Presley and Mickey Mouse. No other star has ever inspired such a wide range of emotions from less To pity, from envy, to remorse, end quote. But regardless of what you think of her, about her movies, her personality, her sexuality, her IQ, it is undeniable that Marilyn Monroe will forever and always be an icon. And that is the tragic life story of Marilyn Monroe. So much I didn't know. Right? Yeah, that's crazy. So I looked up her 10 top, best quotes that came out of her mouth. Yeah. Here are a few I think you would like. Okay. Give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world. A wise girl knows her limits. A smart girl knows that she has none. That really gets you thinking. Mm hmm. Happiness is not in money, but in shopping. Also true. Also true. She also said, and I don't know if she originated this, sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. How many fucking times have you heard that? Too many times. I don't mind living in a man's world as long as I can be a woman in it. Facts. Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring. No motherfucking notes. No, none. Zero. Zero. She also has one, it's a little long but I like it. I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure, I make mistakes and I'm out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. She's the one who said that! I didn't know that. Yes! I've heard that so many times. Ugh. Marilyn! Sad about her. Sad for her. I know. Our sweet girl. I think Imagine what she would have done if she had had like, 60 more years. That and just, I wish she was alive today because I think she would be So much better equipped to deal with like she was just so ahead of her time and she used what she had To make the moves that she needed to but I just don't think she had the right people in her corner I that's do Fox did not give a fuck about her They wanted to make money and they wanted to do it no matter what fucking state she was in Yeah, and no one was like Hey, she clearly has a mental health issue with depression, and I'm not saying she was like her mom in any way. If it was a different time, it would be a totally different story. Or just like a stable boyfriend or husband who didn't cheat and loved her. And every man who talks about her, and I've seen a lot of interviews, are like, She was fragile. She fucking wasn't. She was temperamental. Like, she definitely You know, could be happy as a clam one minute and throwing shit the next, but I don't know, I just feel like she was so ahead of her time and I just wish she, she's just a baddie and I just want her to be remembered for like all the moves she made versus. Dying early and sleeping with JFK, allegedly. You know what I mean? And having her knees out. And yeah, just being like, Happy birthday! Like, that's not who she fucking was. She was playing a part so she could do what she actually wanted to do, which was act. Yeah, which makes her smarter than everybody else. Yes. She was playing chess and everyone else was playing checkers and looking at her tits. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. No, that's facts. And that's Marilyn Monroe. That's showbiz baby. And that's showbiz baby! Just as for her. Please give me a game so we can get girl. I fell into a I'm getting my drink out for this. I fell into a rabbit hole. Well, when I scroll, I'm like, Oh, that's actually funny. I could like talk about that. Yeah. And I fell into a what is it called when you share something, like duet, duet, or whatever the fuck it is? Oh yeah. TikTok, I don't fucking know what it's called. Like where the origin came from? So you were looking at all the duets and you were trying to find like what it, yeah. And it's, and I think I, we might have talked about this before, but I, honestly, I don't remember talking about any of these if we have, but being the funniest lie you've ever told your children. Oh my god, tell me everything. Have we done this before? No. Okay, so I only did like, I think there was like 15 of them, but I was fucking dying. First of all. Mine being that, my number one thing that I have, I swear, I have trust issues and I tell my mother this all the time. I'm like, I literally have trust issues because of you, not to be dramatic, but she gave me the fish sticks, told me they were chicken. We've talked about this on the pod, haven't we? She gave you fish sticks and told you they were chicken? We probably have, I mean, we've been nearly doing this for three years. She gave me, like for years, she gave me fish sticks and I always was just like, oh, fucking fish sticks. jail time. Why are you giving me frozen fish sticks? And one day my brother was, she told me they were chicken. And she was like, they're chicken, like relax. And then one day my brother was like, those are, that's fish batter. And I Tommy? Yeah, Tommy. Tommy told me. It was Tommy ratted your mom out? Yeah. I thought my mom was going to stab him. And I damn near lost my goddamn mind. Did you think you didn't like chicken? I love chicken, but I don't like fish. So she was giving me fish sticks, telling me they were chicken. That's so rude. I, I know. Why do you think I bring it up all the time? I tell her I have trust issues and it's literally because of her. It stems from, yeah. Yeah, and also one time I remember I asked her what a virgin was because they were talking about it on the TV. And she was like, I don't know. And then I think she was like, I think it's like a sickness. A sickness? I'll never forget it. Because I, like, was sleeping with her. And like, I slept with her for really, like, too long. Yeah, we've talked about that. Too long. And so I, we were watching, obviously she was watching our shows and I was like, over her shoulder like oh my god it's like maury i'm like i'm pregnant but i'm a virgin i'm like what's a virgin she's like i don't you know i don't know it's a sickness i think it might be like a sickness or something and i was like okay lol anyways did your do you have any of those did they ever lie to me i'm sure they lied to me a lot like i see our my friends lie a lot You just got to for peace. Like Danny was misbehaving in Disney for like five seconds. And I was like, listen, you won't be invited back. Like they won't invite you back if you act like this. You know what I mean? Like you got to look alive, kid, snap out of it. Act up, you go get snatched up. Yeah, you just, listen. I mean our cousins lied to us a lot and they told us like we were gonna get kidnapped and stuff. But like my parents, I'd have to think about it. I'm sure my mother lied to me about a bunch of shit. Yeah, 100%. I've never asked my mother. I mean other than Santa, which is like the biggest lie. I've never outright asked my mom if she's told me a lie. So if I ask her, those are things I just figured out on my own. Like those weren't like, I was on, let me tell you the truth. Like she never told me. So I'll ask her. I feel like she would tell me now. I don't really know though. But. I did. Maybe I would go to hell if I swore, because, listen. Oh, you know what? I like the heat. That wasn't really a lie, but it was like, you literally can't lose your social security card because they don't have, you can't get another one. Oh, oh, the lights on in the car. Yes, that's another one, yes. My dad would say that all the time, turn the lights off, that's illegal. It's not illegal. Your titties keep falling out and we are recording. Oh, sorry. Colleen decided to wear a crop top for small chested bitches. No, but they're high waisted sweatpants, but like, it's for a small chested bitch, so like, my boobs are making them smaller. Every time she moves, I see a nipple. Sorry. I feel a breeze if that makes you feel any better. Fuck, what was I doing to say? My mom did something to me. Sorry, the light on the car is on. Yes, the light on the car is one. I actually texted my mom. This is so horrible. I had a nun that I fucking hated when I was younger. And don't we all and I text my mom like two days ago, and I said, do you think sister Paula's dead? She hasn't answered me. Hello. Anybody out there? Cuz I hope so. Is anybody alive out there? Then she's like we don't talk I'm like you didn't answer me I text about Paula so do is sister Paula alive. She's got the questions. We have definitely dead. You know what? Those people though, the ones you hate, are like cockroaches, and it doesn't matter. Every single time an ambulance would go by, she'd be like, and let us pray. Oh, do you want to hear something really annoying I do? Ugh, what? I go, ugh, someone's having a really bad day. Okay, well that's fine. It's just different. It's just like we'd be in the middle of science, and like an ambulance would go by. Think about how often an ambulance probably went by. And she would be like, And I, and I Let us pray. And we'd have to all be like, like, no, sister. Annoyed. Immediately annoyed. That person's probably already dead. Like, please. It's fine. Oh, Colleen. Sorry. Dark. Sorry. They're alive and spry. It's fine. But you know what? I never forgave her from the time I saw her fixing her pantyhose. I told you guys about this. Or did I not? I don't know. Probably. Well, one time I went to I, I had the role. I had the role of getting to bring I definitely did this before, but if not, whatever, I don't give a fuck. I had the role where I, every morning, got to go into school early. And I got to bring the attendance folders to every single classroom early in the morning. And, like, I was just I was that bitch. Why am I laughing so hard? It hasn't even happened yet. I don't know. I also got to go over to the rectory at lunch. By myself and they would give, and I would give them like whatever fucking folder they needed to give them every day. I'd walk across the parking lot and I'm going and they would give, and the priest would give me a lollipop. Every day. Cool. That was so cool. And then, very special. Yeah. Could've got snatched up in the bargain lot honestly. No one's snatching you up, bitch. In my kilt. They'd immediately turn around. In my kilt with my matching headband. Where's the Diet Coke? I'm hungry. Why are the lights on? This music's too loud. They'd do one loop and drop you off. What time is it? I, we were looking at teapots. At the store the other day. Oh, you love a teapot? I do. And I was like, I was a kettle. And I was like, I have told anybody this out loud, but I used to have this, but I would fill it with Diet Coke as a child. Like how old? Really young. Stop. Are you fucking kidding me? I swear, I had a tea, I had a tea set, and I would, I didn't like tea, like, if I didn't have tea at home, like, I would have it at Nana's, but then when I would come home, like, I would put Diet Coke in it, and I would have Diet Coke, I swear on my life. Are you fucking kidding me? I swear, I also had Diet Coke, like, every day before school, like, it was not okay. Dude, no wonder why you're obsessed. No, I know. I didn't have soda, I mean, we had Pepsi in my, you know, my dad me. My mother gave me Diet Coke, in a plastic cup, every morning. Swear to God, she's gonna be mad at you for outing her. Is day going to start your day? Every day. Swear, she's gonna be so mad at me for outing her, but I don't care. She gave it to me every morning. That's fucking wild. In a clear plastic cup. So much is making sense. Yeah. Didn't eat breakfast, but. I love how like, I can just see you being that bitch who like, thinks it's coffee. I literally can't until I get my DP. My DC. I can't. Anyways, sidetracked, the folders, I would bring them and I was, I go into Sister Paula's class and I walk in and she does not know that I am there, obviously, and she has her back to me and she is very clearly like, think about when you, last time you wore tights, you had to like pick your wedgie, she has her hand like balls deep down her tights with her skirt up in the back and I'm just staring at her arse and I was just like, good morning! Inside her cavities, you could see. Correct. And her which also like, she wore a skirt to her ankles, why the fuck do you need tights, Sister? Literally, sister. Pun intended. And it was so awkward, I never forgot it. What did she do? And then just like kept it moving. I told everyone. Sis, I saw sister's pantyhose. You're not going to fucking believe. You have a clear cup of Diet Coke. You're not going to fucking believe what just happened. I saw sister's arse. Her holy thou arse, holier than thou. Sister Paula, can we get a, where are they now? No, she's, she's dead for sure. She was old. Oh, Colleen. Okay, not elderly. You know how I feel about the elderly. She wasn't old enough to be acting like that, but she was old and that was 20 Probably 2008. Like, she's dead. She's dead. 2008. I don't think she's dead. Let's look up her obituary. Let's see if we can find her after this. I wish my mom would just answer me. I know she probably knows. Mama. We'll call her. I know you're on the Everything Holbrook Facebook page. Like, I know someone's posted some shit about that. I just know it. Not the Everything Holbrook Facebook page. Also, she lived there. I could just knock on the door. Stop. No, I'm serious. She lived in the Do we go visit Sister Paula? Not the rectory. Not the nunnery either. What the fuck is it called? How do you solve a problem like Maria? Oh, whatever. I'll think about it later. It's not the nunnery and it's not the rectory, but it's the Place next door. Okay. Anywho. I, I trust, I trust you. Whatever, I'll look it up later. It's gonna bother me. I'm so serious. Psych. Okay. Lies you tell your children. Lies you tell your children. I told my daughter that each person is allotted only a certain amount of words in their life and because she talks so much, she's gonna run out. Oh my. That's a good one. That's a good one. God. I'd be like, I don't think it's so much. The way I would have run out so, so long ago. You know what? Actually, that just reminded me of something my mom told me the other day, and I know that I do this. I am a terrible listener sometimes, but I Oh, oh really? But Oh, are you? Would you like to tell me something? Sorry, are you? I just need medication, that's all. I try, but it's really hard. But I hate when people don't listen to me. And she has a certain voice. I'm rolling my eyes for those who can't see me. My eyes are rolling so hard they're down the street. But they're like actually not though. But she has a certain voice that she uses like for my dad when she's legit not listening. Like you know, you just, you know. So it's like yeah, like I just can tell when she's legitimately just like dying. Yeah, tapped out, yeah. And when she, she does it to me. And she did it to me so aggressively the other day. I said, Don't you ever fucking dare do that to me again. Ever. And she started laughing and she goes, You know what, when you were younger, you didn't shut the fuck up in the backseat. You would just be yappity yappity yappin And I obviously wasn't listening. She's like, but you could tell. You would be like, Ah, you're not listening! She goes, you would be bullshit that I wasn't listening to. Like, as if every word that comes out of your mouth must be heard. Like things like booster seat. Like booster seat, I'm like, why are you listening to me? Nothing has changed. No, nothing. Truly. I'm dying laughing. She goes, I'm glad to see that it's never changed. I'm like, you never use that tone on me again. Like, I know. I'm my dad. You can ignore him. I ignore him too. You can't ignore me. Oh, Lord. Anyways another one. I grew up on a dirt road in Massachusetts, and my dad told us that it was the route Paul Revere rode down, and that's why they won't pave it. We have to keep it. It's probably in like, somewhere, it's probably in Western Mass or something. We have to keep the Paul Revere road the way that it is. In honor of him. So we can't, therefore we cannot. For his midnight ride. How's it go? Listen, my children, and you shall hear of the midnight ride of Paul Revere on the 18th of April in 70, 75, Jesus Christ, no it wasn't 75, or no, 1875, maybe. Whatever. When animals were humping, my parents told me that one was sick and the other one was pushing it to the hospital. Pushing it to the hospital? It's so funny. It's a circle of life. Sorry, I'm in dizzy mode still. My sister told her kids that the tooth fairy died from COVID. Oh my god. It's hilarious. Oh my god. Sorry, no money for you kids. Tooth fairy's dead. Like, wow, okay. COVID, COVID got her. COVID got her. COVID got her good. Wear your mask. Wear your fucking masks, kids. If she's good from Monday to Friday, she doesn't have to go to school on Saturday and Sunday. Kind of brilliant. No, so fucking smart. Kind of brilliant. But what happens if you're bad? I'm gonna lie out of every single minute of every day to any children. I've realized like when Danny got off a ride and he said, oh, can we do that again? Can we do that again? And it was a 90 minute wait for a ride. I just said no. I was like, no. That's crazy. We're doing X, Y, and Z. And Erin was like, so Dani, do you know what we have coming up next? And she got him really excited about the next thing, and I was like, oh, don't just say no, distract with another thing. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Like, I think everything's bargaining. Yeah, keep them like I don't know. I'm not a parent, so I don't know, but from what I'm, I've seen, there's a lot of bribery going on. It's just how you market. It's just how you market it. I kept seeing that and I was like, okay. I'm sure that's why everyone's good at it. A lot of bribery. A lot of marketing. A lot of distraction tactics happening. We couldn't bring bugs into the house. Because the bug's mom was expecting them home for dinner too. Okay, that's kind of cute. I know, right? That's kind of whimsical. I like that one. Oh, that's nice. I told my son that the mayor wouldn't let us get another dog and that's why we couldn't have a third dog. Guess who visited my son's kindergarten class the next week and my son consistently asked why he doesn't like people in the city that have more than two dogs. And what did he say? He's probably like, the fuck? He's like, my mom told me! Yeah, my mom told me that you! And you suck! And I'm never voting for you again! I told my daughter that when the ice cream truck plays music, it means it's out of ice cream. Brilliant. Such a good move. Such a good move. This one had me losing my fucking mind. Okay, I'm ready. For no reason. I'm ready. No, for no reason. Okay. My dad told me that the bumps on the road and on the side of the road were braille. Visually impaired can still drive. Just like, for what? You couldn't just say in case you were gonna veer off, it's a good like, you know? Braille. It's braille. Cause blind people can drive. Like you're actually coming up, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, like, I don't understand. So funny. Oh, God. My parents wrote me a letter from the Tooth Fairy saying that I needed to clean my room because she almost died trying to get to my bed. Oh my God, a lot of Tooth Fairy lying happening here. How did you fi I found my teeth. That's how I figured out the Tooth Fairy wasn't real. I found out, remember when I, I found out Santa wasn't real and I cried and I was like, Oh, leprechauns in the Easter Bunny. And so all of them came down in the same day. It's a rude awakening. Oh, mine were separate. Oh no, mine were all at once. It was harsh. Toughest battles to the strongest soldiers. My friend told her kid that Chuck E. Cheese is a casino for rats. Where rats go to gamble. Where rats go to gamble. Dusty old, dusty rats being like hitting the slots. Okay, have you seen any video of Chuck E. Cheese recently? No, I don't want to. It's terrifying. I want nothing to do with that. I have like a really weird, was there one in Burlington? Yes, still. Yeah, remember that night I got picked up, I got drunk outside the high school party and I got picked up by a cop. Yeah, yeah. It was behind a Chuck E. Cheese. I think that we went there once. Probably. But you would have been too old, so I don't know who I was there with, but I think No, I think there was a time where you were like three and I was ten, that would have made sense. I guess. Where all of our boy cousins would have loved, I mean it's pizza in, she just shivered. From head to toe like I feel like Nana was there and Nana just didn't belong in Chuck E. Cheese. No, no, she's a saint She does not belong anywhere near a grubby ass mouse or whatever the fuck it is Rat. Playpens, ball pits, please. She's gagging. She's actively gagging. I can't. Get that shit out of here. Nah. Nah. It's a nah. Or one of the Sky Zone situation, or like the ball pit, or the foam pit. Ball pits now freak me out now that they know, now that I know, that none of those balls ever get anything. No, please, I'm legit, I have the chills. We're done. Anyways, next one. And like a 16 year old is supposed to clean them. No, we're done. I was led to believe at a very young age that quicksand was going to be a literal huge problem later in life. I 100 percent agree. Why were we warned like that? That's not the case. I was prepped to get that skiing. Filing your taxes is far scarier than quicksand. Facts. Although TurboTax makes it easy. Oh, I'm sorry. You were cursing TurboTax a week ago. Yeah, I know. Fuck them. Why do I owe you money, you fuckers? That is so true. I got told about quicksand all the time. Also falling through ice. Yes. Was a big one. Yeah, that's true. I'm not on a pond. Ever. I don't like it. I think I watched a movie as a child where someone slipped through the ice and then the current took them so they literally couldn't get out. So if you're on a Lake the stream underneath is still going. So if you fall through it's not And I might be telling this totally wrong and if I am Tell us comment, whatever pop up. What do you say pop up in the comments? But there's a certain type of body of water where if you fall through it takes you so there's no like oh I'll swim up to the hole above me and someone will pull me out it you're gone. You're gonzo So, yeah, which is, like, everyone's nightmare. It's very cold. Quicksand sounds fucking awful, though. It's not a vibe. Maybe it's Indiana Jones fault? I don't know. I can't pinpoint what I watched. I don't think I'll ever encounter quicksand, respectfully. I hope not. I don't move quick, so I'm going down, boy. With those legs? It's sucking you right in. Consider me gone. Sayonara. Sayonara, thick thighs. How do you feel about a lot of You're not saving lives. Influ I'm gonna change the tone a little bit for a second because I just remembered that Hannah Burner and Paige did Vanity Fair's red carpet and interviewed people. Do you like when influencers do red carpet stuff like Drew, Afuela, like do you Not really, but like someone's gotta do it. I think that the only thing people care about now is views. VIEWS. Yeah. Okay, Paige wore this black suit the other night that had cutouts that was sparkly. Stunning. Stunning. Couldn't be us. Oh, could never be us. Those tiny titties? Absolutely not. Those things were strapped and ready to rumble. But she looked incredible. I actually liked Hannah Wisdom White, and I actually liked it. I didn't love it, but I liked it, and I usually loathe whatever she's wearing. I do too. Maybe Paige dressed her. Just maybe. I do like Drew. I do like Drew. I do too. I think she's funny. It really depends on the influencer for me. Yeah. Like Chris Olsen. Yeah, that's fine. I just can't with him and Meghan Trainor. It like freaks me out. Like, you kiss. I know you do. You make out. I know you do. I know it. That was such a funny game. Thank you for doing that. That was so good. Yeah. Shout out to TikTok for letting us go down these rabbit holes. I would be dead without TikTok, thank god I got it back. Like, I would not be the person I am today sitting in front of you. The fucking drama. No, I'm serious. Where the fuck am I supposed to get my recipes, my everything? My, my literal everything. My news. Everyone, we hope you have a lovely week. We hope that you wear the right pair of shoes so you can take over the world, as Marilyn said. Think like Marilyn. What would Marilyn do? What would Marilyn Monroe do? God bless us all. What? I said God bless us all. Why did you just look at me like that? I don't know. It was weird. Was it? God bless her soul? Oh, I thought you said God bless us all. I was like, okay. No! Ew! No, because even if I wished that, it wouldn't happen. Also, don't listen to your nuns. No, seriously, don't. They don't know what they're talking about. Let them face their pantyhose in peace. I guess. Whatever. Ever heard of a fucking door lock? I haven't, but Even if there was one, you would pick it anyway. You have no boundaries. I did do that the other night. You picked someone's lock? Wait, did I not tell you this? No. Oh, Fiona's. With a knife. Why? I do it all the time when she locks me out. I just. Do you think that maybe when someone locks you out, they need, they need a minute? Boundaries. You know, those aren't quotes, but that's a, there's a period with no quotes. I take it as a, I take it as a question mark. Why? You know what? Everyone, have a lovely, have a lovely week. Love you, mean it. Love you, mean it. Bye. I, that always happens to me. Oh,

Speaker 9: 2:11:06

podcast was produced by me, Bridget Shannon. Music is written and performed by Matt Derosiers. You can find his band, Super Stoker, anywhere you listen to music.