Do Thy Kegel

On this week's episode, Colleen stole a chicken tender from an eight year old and Bridget finally scratched her St. Paddy's Day itch. After we discuss Bridget's perfect movie list and how Colleen needs to do her kegels, we get into the topic of the week.... SERIAL SQUATTERS. Colleen tells the story of serial squatter, Jamison Bachman, and the roommates he terrorized. From psychological warfare to an escalation that ends tragically, you'll be hanging on the edge of your seat. Hide your cats, play some Wu-Tang and get the bat!!!

Sources:

• Sonia Acevedo's GoFundMe
• Worst Roommate Ever - Netflix: Season 2, Episodes 4 & 5
• ChatGPT

Review and subscribe! You can find us on Instagram @Sippinwiththeshannons  send us your stories at Sippinwiththeshannons@gmail.com. Love you, mean it.

Transcript

0:25

alright, that girl's alright, with me, yeah. Ayo. I don't actually know the rest of the lyrics. Next part goes, I can lick it, I can run it, while you're slippin and slidin The way, also, sidebar, Cardi B could say whatever, and it's the most absurd shit, but we're like, yeah. You know? Yeah. Like, she's in the studio. Saying these words and we're like it's just it's absurdness. Yeah, she gets it up. He's poppin if it's up But it's stuck like what the fuck does that mean? Yeah, it doesn't have to make sense. But here we are saying Preach That yes Yeah, like what does that even mean? I don't know. I think if you know, you know, yeah, how you doing gorilla group I'm good. I'm well, that's nice. Would you like to cheers? Yeah, I would love to one second, please. We just forget Chess? Chess! Oh, pfft, Colleen. Heh heh. Just like mommy used to make. What the fuck was that? Only God knows. Your mother never made wine? No, fuck no. She doesn't even buy wine. No, they were, they were making potates. They weren't in the back stomping on those grapes. Potatoes, potatoes. I will say I didn't have a sliver of any Irish forms of foods this weekend. That's sacrilegious. No, I agree. All I wanted was shepherd's pie, but like I had some. It was so fucking good not to rub it in your face. It's okay. I don't really like corn, so. Mine didn't have corn in it. I don't know, sometimes I feel like there's corn. Yeah, sometimes they do that. I don't fuck with corn. It was lamb though, instead of beef. Which in Ireland is, you wouldn't have noticed the difference. Oh, okay. No, lamb has a different taste, you can tell. I'm telling you, you would not have been able to tell the difference. All right, whatever. Okay, fine. Fight me. Did you ask me a question? No. And I got sidetracked? No. Okay. Hi, everyone. Hi. Welcome to this week's episode of Sippin with the Shannons. We're cousins and every other week we sit down, we sip on some wine, we talk some shit, and we have a good giggle. I'm Bridget Shannon. And I'm Colleen Shannon. So this comes out in late April, but we are recording two days after St. Patrick's Day. So this was our high holy weekend. How was, how was your weekend? Not high holy. Like honestly. No. I didn't hit the high holy vibe. What are you talking about? You pussy popped all fucking weekend. I think for my, well it wasn't like our, in the way that I wanted to. Like our ancestors would have wanted me to. What does that mean, do you think? When you say that out loud. I'm just curious. I didn't have any Irish meals. I didn't really listen to that much Irish music I did not see you guys. I did not Well, I saw Aaron on sunday for like a hot minute, but like I was not in a state that I was okay We'll get into it, but It just wasn't it. It didn't hit. I just didn't, I, I might have verbally assaulted the man that was singing on Saturday night that was not an Irish man. And I did make him sing Rattlin Bog three times. And I'm not ashamed of that. But that was as close as I got. Not the Rattlin Bog shame! And I'm not joking, like, two hours later I was like, I circled back and said, there's new people in here. He's, by the end he's just crying and being like, There was a flea, a rare flea around me. He fucked it up at one point and I was like, It's okay! It's alright! It's okay! What part did he fuck up? I don't remember. I honestly don't. I think I was just popping pussy and then I heard him go, I fucked up and I was like, it's okay King. Actually Aaron Venmo'd him. I was laughing on Sunday. I was scrolling through Venmo as one does because I love to scroll through Venmo. Like it's my job. If you're private on Venmo, like you're so annoying. Like I am private on Venmo. Just be public. It's just none of your fucking business. I just want to know. Yeah, I just wanna know. And she paid him, obviously. I don't know how much she paid him, but I didn't even know she did. And I went, and I commented on it, and it was literally like, great job or something. Something so cringe. You're so embarrassing. And I commented on it, and I said, I'm crying, and the guy responding goes, why are you crying? I played fucking Rattlinbog for you 14 times, how are you still crying about this? I mean, I was crying about Erin doing it, so that's why it was so funny. Well, when you laugh really hard, you don't write LOLOL. You wrote, I'm crying, or I'm screaming, but it's all lowercase. Oh, I hate uppercase words. That's not true. You only text me in caps or in all lowercase. You actually text me more in all caps than you do in lowercase. That's fair. But I don't like when it's just like the first letters capitalized. Oh, so like every podcast episode we have? Yeah. Like I have to go out of my way to uppercase them because my keyboard's all lower. You are so mentally ill. It's crazy. I just don't like it, you know? Sure, Colleen. What were we talking about? Sure. This weekend. Oh, right. Just focus. I will say. I will say, in this moment, like, I'm so glad it's on my episode. I would not be able to listen to you right now. Not because it's you, I just simply don't have a will, a wherewithal today. Like, I, brain has gone out the window, in a good way though, feeling silly, but could not have listened to you today, I'm just gonna be completely honest. Great. So it's always nice to hear. I wouldn't have listened to anybody. I wouldn't be listening to God if he was here. You know, like, I actually, I was, I have press on nails on right now. I'm feeling very cunty about it. And they actually look great. I'm very pleased with that. I was watching you talk, like, talk with your hands earlier. I, I didn't, I don't even mean to do it, but I just like them. You do. They make me feel very sassy. And so I pressed them on the other day, and I Got fingers on my tips of my fingers and, or I got fingers on my tips, did I just say my fingers? Glue? Got glue on my tips of my fingers because I was pressing down and I accidentally had a, an itch on my lip and just went to scratch it and just fully put glue on my mouth. And I was like, I just know that this is some divine intervention to, to tell me to shut the fuck up. Like I nearly glued my mouth shut. Someone, someone upstairs was saying. I don't care. I won't. I won't and I can't and I shan't. I was gonna say, I can't and I shan't. And I won't. And that's on you. Stop sending me signs then. I'm not following them. Anyway. So what did you do if you weren't? You know, me holding bands hostage to sing Rattlin Bog. I fixed my gray hairs, that's what I did. I, on Friday night I worked. That wasn't cool, you know? Ew. Saturday I went to a baby shower. Very nice. Yeah, it was cute. It looks very cute. It was fine, two things happened to me. Obviously the baby shower was a slay. It was, like, at a really nice The balloon setup and everything was gorgeous. No, it was, it was fucking insane. And I, like, don't fuck with a Fucking flower wall or a balloon arch sometimes. I'm like, what are we doing here? Like I can't with the tackiness of it just can't but also the same time like what else you're supposed to have like I get It but also hate them. Sorry loved it because there was more to it. You know, I mean it was it was like bubbles But balloons. Yes, like a cart and like not tacky, but it was so cute. It was very cute. Yeah, she looked great It was It was a sleigh all around. Gorgeous, always. Yeah, I was sitting front row and center by accident, so, like, for the opening of the gifts and all the things, mind you, she pulls out one card and completely rips it in half. I'm like, this is, we just don't belong here. She's like, I'm having, this is, it feels like a teen pregnancy. I'm like, correct. Like, this is not, we don't, this should not happen to us. Your friend group is not prepared. No! God no. For what's about to happen. To the point where Wrote a card, obviously. And obviously it was not appropriate in the card, because like, sorry, me saying like, congrats on your baby, can't wait to like, meet him, is just not words that come out of my mouth. It's just not. Like, yes, do I feel that way? Sure. But mine is instead like, can't believe you're pushing a thing out of your pussy. Like, that's what I put on the card. Like, something along those lines. Her eight year old sister picked it up and I didn't know that she had it. And her eight year old sister was like helping open the gifts and she opened it and then said, this is from Colleen, like talking about the gift. And I go, Tessa, do not read that card out loud. And obviously all of her aunts and like her mom were dying laughing and they were like, give me the card, give me the card. What does it say? And they were passing it around. It was so funny. And yeah, it said something really inappropriate in it. So of course that would happen to me. In the middle of the shower, while I'm in the front. In front of all of her friends and family. But that's, you know. I'm rolling my eyes. I just didn't think anyone, I didn't think someone would read it aloud, let alone her 8 year old sister. Anyways. Just be appropriate, I guess. Yeah, just maybe write. But it wouldn't be you if you wrote something formal. Like, so happy for you guys. Your next friend, you should write something super serious in it. Okay. Just for the opposite effect. I might have to ask ChatGPT to write it for me. Listen, that's what it's there for. I got a couple. She was, Let me tell you, ChatGPT put in some work for this episode. Let me tell you. Oh, her, everything. Because it's a her. Obviously. Obviously. A man wouldn't have this much information on hand. No. They would interrupt ChatGPT to say it loudly and less accurately in a meeting. You know what I mean? No, no, you're right. You're right. Be like, no, no, no, but you know what my idea is, and then just repeat what chatgbt said. Yeah, but anyway, please continue. Can't give credit where credit is due, obviously. No, definitely not. Because, duh. The second thing that happened to me is I had one too many of your Aperol spritzes, so I had to pee, and I arose confidently from the front of the crowd. And was like, excuse me, excuse me. And I get to the bathroom, and I look down, and I had on a two piece sweater set, but your girl was sweating. It was a place where it was really warm out on Saturday. I mean, you'll always be sweating. And it was windows, it was people, I was drinking, I was sweating, okay? Social situation, not for me. I get into the bathroom, and I look into the mirror, and My boob tape has come hung and it is blood and no, no one stopped me or told me I had a stray ace bandage looking ass Little tail in the front, just, just hanging. You had a front tail? I had a front tail of a bandage, a boob tape underneath my boob. Yeah. And I just, you know what? I ripped him off and you know what else I looked to the left. It's one of those bougie bathrooms where they have like a living room in there, so it has like a coffee table. And the 8-year-old sister had just been in there with like her little cousins like running around, like think about how we used to do it, like the ESCO drill back in the day. Oh, for sure. They around schedule. Yeah. And there was, they sat on the coffee table at chicken tender and I said, who is that? Someone goes, that's from me now. And someone goes, that was Tessa. And I said. Mine now. I just sat in there. You stole the eight year old's chicken tender. I ripped my titty tape off in the bathroom at this event and ate a chicken. I ate a chicken finger sitting on the toilet in the bathroom, and I have no regrets about this. At a I'm happy for you. Bed by shower. Thank you for your support! Yeah, it was a little sarcastic. I won't lie. But was this because at this same person, Brianna Yeah. Her Wedding shower. Yes. You expelled demons in the bathroom and there was only one bathroom or something like that? It was a long line, yeah. Was it the same venue? No, different venue. Okay, because I was like, if we are having repeats. Different venue. This one had like a whole, not that, the first venue was wicked nice too, but this one was just a lot bigger. It's like a wedding venue. Like people have weddings there. Oh. Lovely. And so it was like living room bathroom. First baby situation. First grand baby for sure gets all the. No for sure. All the things. I was like, I will never have an event here, not even my funeral. Sorry. Can't, can't afford it. No one loves me enough for that. Could never. Could never, would never, I don't even belong in this function. It's giving when Megan walks in on Bridesmaids when they're wedding dress shopping and she's like, the sturdy, like that is me. When Megan from Bridesmaids hops over the back of the couch in roles, It's one of the funniest scenes in any movie that's ever existed. And I know everyone talks about, like, the, Look away! Look away! It's coming out of me! Like, I love when she rolls on the top of that couch. It's too, it's too, it flows too well. She goes, I'm sorry, I do not know what, and that came out of. That's how I felt. Okay, great. Sitting on the toilet with my titty tape and my, yeah. And then someone's like, hey, we're going to the bar next. And I said, okay, cool. Was put in the driver's seat of the What? You should never be put in any driver's seat. Facts. Real or fictional. I, there I was, ten and two, with the pregnant lady and her eight year old sister in a car filled with diapers. And there I was, with, Record scratch. You're probably wondering how I got here. And someone said, pull it up. We gotta, we gotta fill it up with like fucking diapers and shit. I'm like, okay. So pull it up ten and two. I'm like peeling my boob tape off underneath. Tessa, look away. I'm getting ready to go to the bar. Yeah, yeah, it was just like not a thing. And then I obviously drank from there on drank. Once you were not operating a motor vehicle. Oh my god, yeah, obviously I parked it. Yeah, I just wanted to make sure we parked that chair, went to the bar, went to the next bar. There was that, that live man that was, he was poppin his pussy, and I requested Rattlin Bog. I also made them play No Name Ever, but no one clapped but me. Rude. Let's just not talk about it. That's also why I'm like, okay, you people let me down. It was also a fucking Irish bar. The fuck? Well, not legit an Irish bar, but like It's called Kilroy's. It's an Irish bar, but it's not themed Irish, you know? Yeah, I mean, if there's a band that is there who can play Irish music, it's an Irish bar. Fair. Like, it's not like going to the Dubliner, but also like, it's an Irish bar, you know? Anywho, someone started playing She was a fast machine! Great song. Yeah, I forget the name ACDC. I don't know how this man spotted her but was just like made this random woman She must have just been singing well and was like come here and she took over Incredible my jaw was on the floor. Oh, I love when people get their five seconds of fame at a bar She was just like like with the guttural manly voice, but it was so good Like we all were like this, but i'm also shit face. So i'm like, you know, yes girlfriend. It was Iconic. I wonder where she is right now. Like I hope she's doing well. Me too. So then I should have gone to bed But I didn't and I wandered to a man's home. And he said chicken fingers and I said on the way. To which I made a mistake Not a mistake, but I Made a little mishap and I knocked over A full, a full wine glass across a room to which it shattered and spilled wine everywhere and this poor, poor man, mind you, we're, I'm still trying to make a good first impression, it's like the third impression at this point, actually no, it's like the sixth or seventh impression. I was gonna say, we're a little further along than third. Yeah, and also it's backwards because on the episode that you're gonna hear next week would be the first one. that we talked about it, technically. So it's all the ass backwards. So just know, no spooking you listeners get the intro. But yeah, I spilt an entire glass of wine, shattered everywhere. He texted me today and said, I just pulled this out of my foot and it was a giant piece of glass. It's just a whole thing. And like, why do these things only happen to me? Like, I'm really not that clumsy. Colleen. No, I'm not. I hate when you use the phrase, why do these things happen to me? Like these are uncontrollable, like every day you get hit by It was an accident. Right. If you just like looked at where you were going and what you were doing, that wouldn't have happened. You have control over your limbs and your body. I couldn't see and I did not have control over my limbs in this moment. Then maybe we don't bring a glass of wine that close to us when we don't have control of our body. I didn't do it. He did. Okay, well you hit it, you punched it and yeeted it across a room, so maybe he had more faith that your limbs would stay where they were. We should figure it out. Not like the car wash guy outside, you know what I mean? And it was way too aggressive, like it hit and it flew. It wasn't like a knock over, it flew across the room. Shatter, cringe crunch, whine, errorware. Not cute. Not cute. Not cute at all. Man, hands and knees picking up. Sweet angel though. No, sweet angel. Didn't make a fuss. Not mad at all. Doesn't care at all. Was just like Manic frantic. Him. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Hush child. Hush. Hush. Hush my child. Me holding him throughout the next morning. I'm like, Don't look at me! I let it release the minute he drove away. But anyway, it's not the point. And then on Sunday, I went to Brianna's grandpa's house. I saw sweet sister Erin with her bebes. She texted me and said hello. And by sister Erin, you mean mother. Our mother. Oh yes, mother Erin. Your sister Erin, but our mother Erin. Yes, yes. So she texted me and was like hello. And her location was literally across the street from me. So I was like, well hello there! Oh, how are my babies? They were so cute and Irish and vibing and I was so unwell that I really couldn't give them the credit that they deserved. Hmm. I fear. Yeah, that's fair. But just now, I just kept saying like, pop off, live your life, that's as much as they could get out of me, but they were so fucking cute. Yeah, they were the best. They were the cutest children on the planet. Aaron and scrunchies, they were so cute. Kill me. Yeah. I love that. It was precious. And that's all I have. You are going to Jackson Hole. Tell the people. Yeah, I leave in the morning. I haven't packed yet. So let's just. Great. Well, we'll save that story for another time. But you're going for about four or five days with your big group of friends and everyone's gonna be skiing and snowboarding, which you don't do, but you're still gonna enjoy yourself and have a great time. Yeah, I'm gonna drink. And it's stunningly gorgeous. I've never been, but every single person who goes is like, it's not real life. It looks AI. Yeah. It's gonna be great. I've never been. Go to a lodge, hang, chat with people. You'll love it. I can't wait to people watch. It's the exact vibe you're gonna want. Love that. But you're just gonna look cuter than everyone because you didn't. Snowboarding, skiing down mountains all day. That's so positive and true. Yeah, I know. Nice. Okay, tell me about you now. I'm bored of myself. Watch Hot Tub Time Machine. Okay, so, I don't really have too much to tell you. On Friday, I went to Erin's. They do family swim nights. So the kids are in swim lessons and then one night a week they just open it up for everybody and like for an hour and a half you get to go and just swim and so I got to go in the pool with the kids, which was great and we swam our little butts off. It was so fucking cute and they have all these toys that they'll get floating devices that and so we just Toted them around the pool for an hour. And then on Saturday I went to Portsmouth, New Hampshire Because one of our besties lives in Portland, Maine, and it's right in the middle and Portsmouth, New Hampshire is so fucking cute I know I feel like it doesn't get enough credit It does and I know Portland is cute because I've been in Portland, Maine a thousand times I don't go to Portsmouth, New Hampshire a lot. I could not get over the vibes I feel like they have like a cute little area you can like shop in. Yes, top tier It was so fucking cute. And then, on Sunday, I went with my bestie, Sarah, and Karen to the Dubliner. Home away from home. And I, I gotta tell ya, I had the complete opposite experience as you. What'd you drink? I got Irish music all day. I was drinking Vodka Soda Crayons. Okay. But Karen had her Magners. We had baby Guinness shots. We had shepherd's pie. We listened to excellent Irish music all day, and I was home at bed in my PJs Slugging water and eating food by 7 p. m. And woke up feeling like 1 million dollars And I have no notes. It scratched the itch like I feel like the last couple of years we've done St. Patrick's Day and haven't really felt like it lived up to our expectations or You know, we want the very traditional version. Yeah. And a lot of times you just get like the drunken Boston version. Yeah. The Dubliner, I will say, so I got there at 12. 08. Okay. Okay. No line. Literally walked in and said to the guy, is something wrong? I was like, we're going to wait in line for an hour, like eat before you go because we'll probably sit, like go pee because we'll probably sit in line. Not a single person in line. That's when you know it was, you were off to a good start. Oh my God. That was the thing. It was warm. Like I didn't have to bring my big bulky jacket. We got a spot right at the bar and had space. But it had people in it, so it didn't feel empty. I was like, what's happening right now? Unheard of. Also, we didn't stay at the front of the Dubliner. We went to the back bar. Oh, okay. And it was like a quarter of the people and everyone was slammed in the front. And we had a spot at the bar the entire time. What dreams are made of, truly. What dreams are motherfucking made of. And so we're sitting there and me and Sarah get right in. She showed up a couple minutes after me. Karen showed up 22 minutes after us and waited in line for an hour. Yeah. No. Yes. 22 minutes. That's, that doesn't make sense. I was like, hey, so, I know I said there's no line and like praise be to Jesus and I like wrote this big long thing and I was like, so, I gotta tell ya, there, there's a line now. And by the time she parked and walked up, there was a line. Now, they also, which I hate when they do this, they want it to look busier than it is so they actually make you. Like stagger it. Yeah, so she was moving. But they always wanted it to look like there was a line and I was just like this is so fucking dumb But I got she was fine. I got her Magners and a shot So when she came into the bar, we were ready to rumble. we genuinely had the best time They played all my favorite songs. I got to see my friend Amelia who I used to work with in the bathroom I turn around she was shut the fuck up. I love when that happens. Oh, yeah, that always happens to you, too I feel like yes Yeah, it does. It does. But no, it was so fun. And then, of course, the very next evening, which was St. Patrick's Day, Ed Sheeran was at the Dubliner in the room I stood in for friggin six hours. How does that even happen? Like, does he call up before? He's like, Hey, I'm in town. Would love to stop by an Irish pub. Yeah, he like, surprised. He must call in advance and just be like, Hey, this is happening. Yeah. And he also, his security team must have to like, check shit. You can't just like walk in. No. Yeah. But of course it was all over tickle talk like Ed Sheeran at the fucking Dubliner. And I was like, of course not because, but I was so happy that people got to see him cause he, he seems a sweet angel, very legit. I started watching Severance again and I'm also starting the newest season of White Lotus which I'm very excited about. And the one thing I have to tell you is I was sitting one night and I get asked all the time like, What's your favorite movie? Because you know how I consume movies and TV shows like crazy. And I've never actually sat down and wrote a list of perfect movies. I feel like it's a long list now. There's a criteria, okay, to this list. It has to be rewatchable. For example, I love the show Les Mis. I love the movie. I think it's beautiful. I cannot pop on Les Mis on a Tuesday. It's too much of a mental in. It's too sad. Do you know what I mean? So, it, the vibes have to be Yes, the vibes have to be 10. And it has to be rewatchable. Are you ready for this list? It is long. I'm not prepared, but I am. I'm gonna just rapid fire through it. now, the list is also not done. I keep adding to it as I remember things. Yeah, it's hard to just remember that. No, so every once in a while, like, Joe said something to Erin and he goes, Enough. And I was like, oh my god, that Jalen movie is so good. And she was like, You can't add that, it's too sad. There's too much. Okay. Also, Erin calls it the low of a movie. We've talked about this. It's like in Bridesmaids where she crashes her car and she moves home and she's crying and was like, well, how's the heading? Right, like sometimes the low is too low. Yeah. So that was another thing. Okay, you ready? Rogers and Hammerstein's Cinderella. This is the one with Brandy, Whitney, Whoopi. Bernadette Peters forever. Okay. The Da Vinci Code. Pirates of the Caribbean, Curse of the Black Pearl, numero uno. Singing in the Rain, Miss Congeniality, Miracle, Mighty Ducks, The Dark Knight, Sister Act 2, Remember the Titans, Bridesmaids, Wedding Crashers, Hangover, Crazy Rich Asians, Little Woman, the newer one. Not the old one? The wedding date. I do love the old one, but I like the new one the best. The wedding date, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, Sweet Home Alabama, Sound of Music, Mamma Mia, It's a Wonderful Life, Shrek, Avengers Infinity War, Titanic, which is kind of goes against everything I said at the front, but we stop it after they fall in love and they're dancing with the Irish people in the basement. Okay, yeah, there's no sinking. No. How the Grinch Stole Christmas with Jim Carrey. Obviously. Elf, Lion King, Toy Story 3, Coco, Hercules, Zootopia, Holes. You've got to go and dig those holes, dig it up, dig it. Okay, Wicked, obviously. Duh. Speed. Have you ever seen Speed? I haven't seen any of these movies. Oh my god. Seven, The Departed, Meet Me in St. Louis, White Christmas. Get out. Controversial. Harry Potter. In the Prisoner of Azkaban. What? Oh wait, no. Sorry. I'm thinking of What the fuck? I'm thinking of Do you want to retract that last statement? Maybe. I'm thinking of Half Blood Prince, I think. Okay. What's the one where they're in the room with all this stuff? That breaks all the glass. Order of the Phoenix. Hate that one. No. Oh, the orbs. Yes. Yes. That's Order of the Phoenix. And then the Ministry of Magic. God, what's wrong with me? Yeah, I don't know. That was weird. I'd never do that about Harry Potter. Sorry. Yeah, well. Well, that's the one I don't like. Get it together. Anyways, I agree with you on that. Sorry. Big Daddy. Erin Brockovich. You've never seen Erin Brockovich? Oh my good lord. Pretty Woman. Another controversial one. Selina. It's gotta be on there, but it's so fucking sad. Okay. But it must be on there. Off the rip. Ocean's Eleven. Is there an Oceans 12? Yes. Okay, what are they about? The ocean? Danny Ocean, the man that is George Clooney. And I like the one with all the women in it. Sounds good. Knives Out, the one with Chris Evans, the first one. That's a good one. Jurassic Park, The Sweetest Thing, The Greatest Showman, Practical Magic, Just Go With It, Mrs. Doubtfire, Now and Then, Parent Trap, Princess Diaries, Hocus Pocus, Sam Lott. No notes. And that is my list of perfect movies. You're definitely gonna think of more, for sure. Yeah, and I know that as I go through, but do you know what I mean? I've never, like, actually sat down and wrote my favorite movies. Now, I think The Godfather is incredible, and I think Shawshank Redemption is, like, one of the best movies ever made. I wasn't going for critically acclaimed. I was going for the rewatchability and the vibes. Yeah. No, no. It's there. Great. You to me. No, I know. I'm just prefacing, you know, what the list is all about. Come for her, people. Yeah. Come for me. What did I miss? What's a perfect movie? We'll do a little poll. But yeah, that's really all I got. I think I'm gonna re watch Derry Girls because I just miss it and I love it so much and This would be a good time of year. This is a good time of year to do it. But I leave for St. Lucia on Saturday, a couple days from now. I'm very excited. You're leaving me for so long. I'm gonna be gone for a month. Are you excited? I'm so excited. I'm really happy for you. I just wanna be warm and I wanna be on a beach. And I want to read my book, and I want to swim. What do you have queued up for books? Anything good? I actually don't, but I have some Audible credits, so I need to do some research before I go. Okay. Download some. Some new, I don't know. Okay. Some new things. Okay. I'm very excited to hear. Yeah, I'm so pumped. As you lay your arse, your big back arse, in the sand. More, more back than butt. Over here. I am like really on big back, big back TikTok these days. I know, I love when people call each other big back. I don't know what about it. No me too. And I will say today I was on TikTok and I got to this TikTok and it had hundreds of thousands of likes. And I'm like, I wonder what this is about. And the girl had those laminated eyebrows. So, you know how they're brushing them up and they look like Yeah, I like them. Cat of hate. Do you? When all of the hairs stick up You need to It's a certain type of face that can pull them off. No, there isn't a face that can pull them off. No, disagree completely. You think laminated brows, like when they're sticking all the way up straight, is cute. Yeah, on some people. I think they look good. I think they completely change your facial structure. I actually need you to show me an example of what you mean because I don't believe you. Okay, I'll find one after this. Okay, great. So this girl had these brows. And everyone, I just opened the comments and it was like, What in the Eugene Levy? And someone was like, I'm gonna hold your hand when I tell you this. And people were just like, Sorry, couldn't eat, didn't listen to a word you say. All I heard was eyebrows, like people were coming for her. That person probably either did it wrong or didn't, doesn't need them. And one girl wrote, I just hope for you. You've realized it's eyebrow blindness. It happens to the best of us. And if you actually listen to the comments, like it may help you. And she was like, got it. And I, I love light bullying. Cause some people do need direction. It's like humbling a little bit. You need to be humble. I don't want someone to get online and be like, go kill yourself. Like that's it. I don't like harmful bullying. But someone who's just like, hey girl, why has no one told you in your life you gotta just put those brows down a little. Just a little. Those aren't where your eyebrows go. I hate to tell you. They're far too high. They're touching your, your forehead line. Yeah, no, I need to see that cause that must be insane cause that's not what I'm thinking of at all. Okay. All right. I'll show you later. But yeah, light bullying on the internet is okay with me. That's my hot take of the day. Okay. I'm really happy to hear that. That's like semi hateful and you never say those things. I'm just like, wow. Can I tell you, I had a really hateful thought the other day. What was it? So I was driving down a street and it was a street where Cars are parked on the side and when cars are parked on the side It is not big enough for two cars to go past each other So there's a lot of like driving up and then pulling over where you can letting people go and doing that horrible It was also during rush hour traffic so cars and it's by a four way stop. So everyone's just It's mayhem, okay? And a guy came out of his house to pull something out of his backseat, okay? And he went on the side of the road, not from the curb. He probably had to sit there forever. And then opened his door and just did his business. And I was like, I'm sorry. If you look, if you just looked at your surroundings right now, you would see that this is a really poor time to take up, like full car door, didn't get in and shut the door, like left it open and was halfway bent through his car for like five minutes. Hmm. And I was like, I just hope the next time you are in a rush, you show yourself. I just really want you to stub your fucking toe or step on the sharpest Lego anyone's ever seen. I was hoping you were gonna say like I really wanted to clip him in that moment, but I think that would suck. Oh no, I feel like that's an intrusive thought. Okay. Okay. Like if you're driving down the street and you're like, I wonder if I just like, whoop. Yeah, that's true. That's more intrusive. I was just like, oh, fuck that guy. And then I was like, that was Did it feel good though? Say yes. I Shh. It felt amazing. What? I don't know. I was just like, oh, fuck you. And then I went about my business and didn't think about it until right now. Okay. Whatever. Do you appreciate? A little bit. A little. It's not hateful enough? No. Cool. Like, I want deep depths of your soul. Oh, I don't have that for anything. Whatever. What a waste of fucking time and energy that would be. Never. Yes, Colleen. Oh, please. Pesh posh hate flowers. A great hour of the day. I'll tell you. No, I'm not saying I love to talk shit about someone who deserves to be talked shit about. I don't like hateful for no reason. There's a difference. I believe. I agree. Like if, if someone we know did something fucked up, we would talk about it. And I, I wouldn't be like, I,'cause another thing I hate is when people, when you're trying to talk shit and someone's like, I don't think that, shut up. Yeah, no, shut up. Shut up. If there's cause, it's fine. That's what I mean. There's always cause. There's cause for everyone on my hate list. There are people you don't know on that list, Colleen. Yeah, but like JoJo Siwa deserves to be on it. Right, but I would disagree. It's not everybody you know, or who deserves it, who's done something personally offensive towards you. But they suck. Okay. And cheers to that. And cheers to that. She won't cheers me to that. No, I will. Hold on. Yay! Why don't you say something positive and nice about yourself? If we're doing a little Freaky Friday role change here. Um. Colleen. I'm trying to think of what would It, it just shouldn't be that hard. One nice thing about yourself. One. My hair looks better because I did my greys. I'll take it. Yeah. It's weirdly you shitting on yourself, but I'll take it. Yeah, that'll do. That'll do, donkey. Shave my toes, they're better today. Oh. Okay, just a light graze over the pups. Some light graze, hairy toes, whole thing. She comes into my house today. No pussy out, which I was really thankful for. But she takes her socks off and she just starts waving them around. She's like, sorry, these smell. in the living room. Yeah, I had to air them out. My feet definitely smell. Something happened to me today where I was like, can we just not, like, can we just control the bodily functions for nine seconds? I sneezed so because, like, I'm ill randomly for no reason. I sneezed so aggressively while I was walking that I legitimately peed my pants, like, to the point where there was a droplet going down my leg. Like, I fully peed. I didn't have to pee though, that's the thing. So like, I can never have children. I can't, I, how do I fix this? You gotta do your kegels. I do! I have to do my, I've been doing my pelvic floor exercises. I, that sometimes happens to me when I vomit. Yeah, of course it happens to me when I vomit, you already know that. But like, to sneeze while I'm walking at work in a dress? Sneezing's tough, and there's really no cute way to like, cross your legs mid walk without it being obvious. My mom does it. My mother does it. And I don't want to be that. Alright, maybe we should work on our Kegels. I do my Kegels. Ready? 1, 2, 3, pull! Clench! Clench thou pussy. Adding it to our list of commandments, do thy Kegel. Speaking of, Kegels? No, no, no. Pussies? No, no, no, it's relatable. Kind of. What? No, no, no, no pussies, but language, yes. Oh. I have no idea what this is about. This is a complete Colleen episode, so, yeah, I have the wine and I'm ready to go. Because my own notes, like, you know how my own notes are. Oh, okay. Like what? Oh my god, it doesn't have a period, it's not even capitalized, it's nothing. And it's in between two paragraphs. Like you spaced it extra. Oh, okay. Alright, pop off. Because you know what I do during like my work day, which like I should be doing my work day, if I'm like writing out my thoughts, like for the pod, I'll just be like, that's what my brain is doing. It goes, okay. And then I'll put it. And then I'll be like, next sentence. My sentence fragments. Got it. You know? Sidebar, I had a thought. Yesterday. And I was sitting there, you know, on the toilet, minding my business, and I Really questioning your life. Yeah, and I made eye contact with Q tips on the counter, and I thought to myself, whoever invented the Q tips, fucking genius, they must be loaded. Who and why did we invent the Q tip? To clean the ear? I know, but like, how did someone just come about the Q tip? How did we name it? Have we ever thought about that? I don't know. Colleen? The people at home, you're all wondering it. I've just thought it. Okay. I know this is a question you've had about yourself your whole life. So I have you've looked at them. Did you ask about chibi tea? I did. I feel like I need to share the tea. Like I feel like I'm giving the world the good tea. The good, the good Lord. Wow, I'm so excited. I asked Miss girl, okay, and she said the q tip was invented in 1923 by Leo Gerkensang Gerkensang, some bullshit like that, a Polish American inventor. The idea came to him after he saw his wife Wrapping cotton around a toothpick to clean their baby's ears. So technically she invented it Not you. As all good ideas come from the wife. Realizing the potential for a safer and more effective tool He developed a cotton Schwab with cotton securely at the end of a small wooden stick. They were originally called baby gays Baby gays! I love that name. Like not a big gay but a baby gay. A baby gay. I want to take a baby gay and put them in my pocket and bring them everywhere I go. Sorry. Fuck you. I don't know. The product was later rebranded as Q tips with the Q standing for quality. And they were originally marketed for baby care and then they became popular for usage including, including personal hygiene, makeup application, and household cleaning. Okay. That's where the okay was afterwards. So then That's so wild. Yeah. So that was my random plot of the day. And then all of a sudden I spiraled into chat GPT and I was asking it so many random things. And it's, that's a story for a different day. So anyways, brought me to the topic of the day. Okay. Okay. I'm ready. Today we're going to talk about, wait, do you want to guess? Can you give me a category? No. Cool. Can you narrow it down for me in any way? It's not murder. That is not narrowing weirdly enough. Is it history? No, it's not history. It's a certain type of person, a group of people. A cult? No, but it, you're getting there, kind of. Oh God, is this a church thing? No, but that's, oh God, I could never delve into that. Oh, your sister and I had a conversation, you, we, you, you specifically, respectfully, must cover the hunger strike and the whole, whatever's going, whatever went down over there in Ireland. You've asked me, you've asked me that before. I just think you do so good at it. Okay, when I get home. Okay. I'm not even just saying that to placate you. I mean it. I'll do it. You're welcome. Because I just know I want to address this and you'll do so good. So today we're talking about serial squatters, people who don't leave homes. Are you fucking kidding me? Oh my God. Like that man who was in that wall. Yes, but no, not him. Do you know what I'm talking about? The woman who had like the side piece in the wall for years and years and years. Sorry. No, like people do that. Like, this is a thing. Have you ever seen the movie Frogger frogging? No. So frogging is like Legit just like, living in people's walls, like, all the time. And there's a movie called, like, Frogs. Frogging? It's good. It's a good movie. Okay. People Froggers? Froggers, maybe, yeah. So, do they steal from the kitchen when people are out? What if they don't leave? No, they just literally need a home. That's all. How do they get their food? How do they get Stealing? I don't know. Depends. Maybe they go out during the day and get food and come home. Because that's their home. I don't know. They live in the walls. Not any Not nowadays where everything has, like, the ring camera. There's a, there's a will, there's a way. Wow. Sometimes, well no, so those are people living in the walls. This is a little different. Of all the things. But you just said they would sneak out and go get groceries. Yeah, that's like one way to do it. Or there's people that do what, what we're gonna talk about. Which is different. It's like a legal thing. Oh my god, I'm losing my mind. So I asked our girl ChachiBT to explain what a serial squatter really is. Okay? This is for the normal people. Cool? A serial squatter is basically the Houdini of unpaid living. Someone who magically appears in a home, refuses to leave, and vanishes just in time to avoid eviction. They treat eviction Notices like a party invitation and landlords like annoying exes. They just ignore them if couch surfing were an Olympic sport They'd have gold medals and then ghosting the landlord. Okay, so this is a little different from people living in the walls If you look away with it and also for giggle, I also asked our girl two things one being How would Rue describe a serial squatter? And I, instead of putting, describe a serial squatter, I meant to say like, explain what a, what a squatter is. But instead it was like, how would you describe a serial squatter to somebody else? And, chat, chat girly told us. If you stay rent free longer than a bad wig at a drag brunch, it's time to sashay away, preferably to a lease in your own name. And I was like, wait a minute, girl. This one had me wheezing. I don't know where this one came from. I said, I asked, how would you describe a cereal squatter to a pilgrim coming over on the Mayflower? And so I'm thinking they would like dumb it down. Yeah. This is what I got. Oh, was it like ye olde English? Imagine the half Tilled thy land, built thy home, and laid thy table with the fruits of thy labor. Yet lo and behold, a stranger doth arrive, unbidden, and taketh up residence within thy dwelling. They refuse to depart, nor do they toil, nor pay tribute. Nay, they merely linger, moving from homestead to homestead, living off the sweat of others whilst claiming each hearth as their own. I am screaming! Isn't that crazy? I just thought that it would be like, these bitches won't leave, and I got like, the hearth to hearth. When you said to the pilgrims, I'm like, I wonder if they'll do it old English. That is fucking incredible. Petition to start talking like this. I think we should. Petition to bring this back? It's kind of a slay. It's kind of a slay. Like, it's just a way to be more dramatic. Which? You do not need an invitation to do. Says her. I consider that a challenge. And I'll take it, boy. Alright, now that my vagina's sweating. Specifically today, we are going to talk about a lad. And his name is Jameson Bachman. Okay? Jameson, our pal, he was born on December 24th in 1956. Oh, a little Christmas Eve, baby. Yeah! In Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, Great USA. As a kid, Bachman had been groomed for greatness. Oh, also, sidebar, just to make you happy, there is a documentary called Worst Roommates. Ever. On. Netflix. That's where this is from. That's it. That and ChatGPT. Great! Cool. Thank you for saying your sources. Yeah, of course. Of course, any time. Jameson was raised by his parents in an area called Elkins Park. It was super old, elegant, posh, think like a lot of houses close together, Victorian vibes. Great neighborhood to live in in Philly, okay? His father owned a construction company, his mom stayed at home, classic old school fam things. Sure. Had a brother named Harry. Such a cute name. Harry. Harry was four years older than Jameson. Harry! Harry Harry was handsome and talented. He was a baddie. He was doing soccer. He was in the school productions of Camelot and all these other fucking things. Like he was Oh, pop off King. Yeah. He was giving like your mom and that like, you know, you're always like your mom did it all back in the day. Like she was doing all the shit she was in. She dipped her toes everywhere. Like Harry was in it. He was balls deep. Harry was balls deep in. She will love that comparison. you'll love balls deep in activities. Harry was outgoing, he was humble, and he was successful, okay? But Jameson, however, he was extremely self confident and just honestly low key a dick. Like, yeah, he was successful, yeah, he was smart. Egotistical. Yeah, but he was, like, Harry was humble. Jameson was a jackass. Cool? Got it. Thank you. One of the childhood friends who was actually seen in the episode on Netflix is named Bob. Bob is in it throughout but I think Bob was in it for clout. Bob was like Do we like Bob? I liked Bob but I can tell like Bob was just like Maybe Netflix came a calling and Bob was into it more than Bob was Dialed. Yeah. Bob was dialed in. You would do it too for a chick! I would. Bob says he was the cockiest kid you've probably ever met. He had no doubts about his own abilities. His cockiness obviously spoke for himself. Itself. He had high grades. He was really good at tennis. Which, like, ick. I hate when men are good at tennis. It's giving Menendez. Why? It's giving Menendez. It's giving, you're rich and you're an asshole. And you're pretentious. And hello. Here we are. It is a rich person sport. But I'm like not, I don't get to think about like pickleball, but like tennis for some reason, I'm like, ugh. But when girls do pickleball, no problem. I mean, when girls do tennis, no issue. I mean, Coco. It's men. I don't know what it is. Serena and Venus. Maybe it's just when men do anything. I don't know. Maybe. I don't know. Don't you hate when men Period. Oh, that's a period. Period. He also spent a lot of time reading books on the history of western civilization. The cocky one did. Like, if somebody So he thinks he's smarter than everybody. He would absolutely start a podcast. 100%. No, I know. Okay. I know, I know what I just said. On the podcast. Okay. No, I know. He, like, loved learning. Like, cool. Great. We get it. I think he just wants to be smarter than everybody else. Correct. It speaks for itself. His high school yearbook blurb. Oh God. Yeah. Instead of like, live while we're young, like YOLO, like things like that people wrote, you know? Yeah. His said, fools say that they learn by experience. I prefer to profit by others experiences. Oh. It's like, okay, mine was literally like, and the rest is still unwritten or something stupid like that. Like, probably if I had to guess. I don't even remember what it was. Yeah. What was yours? I don't, I don't think I remember. I have, I think it was just our pictures. I don't think we got a saying. Oh, we got like a whole blurb. We could write whatever we wanted. Oh, I'm sure mine would have been so fucking cringey and annoying. Yeah. I don't, I don't ever want to see mine. I'm sure I made like reference to like drinking Reuben off in the basement or something. Like, it's probably like inside joke, LOL, insider. You know, that is something I would do. Yeah. Yeah. So I never wanna see that again. I'd be like cheering forever. there was a guy, I'm, I'm sure I probably talked about this before, but there was a guy in my high school that literally didn't speak a word. I'm not joking for four years. Like that was like the thing, like he did not, he was a mute. Like he literally did not speak and there was nothing in his bo his blurb like normal people are like, thanks, mom and dad. Like that's what people put. It was literally like a weird quote about silence. And it was like, it like gives me the chills to read. I have to find it. It's crazy. Where is he now? I don't know. I hope he's well. Yeah. I don't know. And without weapons. And let us pray. Let us pray. After high school, he attended Georgetown University and the University of Miami. I think he went to Tulane for like a hot minute too, because like, we'll get into that. And his teacher said he had remarkable talents. He was one of a kind. People were obsessed with him. He was really smart. No shock there. Obviously, he's an overachiever and a fucking loser. He was fascinated by law and thought that he was going to be his knack in his whole life. That's what he went to school for. He did like a deep dive into studying law. That was his plan. However, he failed his bar exam, which like, okay, happens. Yeah, people take that multiple times. Didn't attempt to take it again. Oh. Which is kind of weird because you put your whole pussy into it. Why not just take it again? Yeah, it must have been too much of a blow to his ego to not pass it. Not sure. So basically, all of his legal learning, all of his legal talents that he now has were Useless. To no one but himself. Yep. Bookmark that, okay? Okay. Bye Jameson. So he knows a lot about Yes. Law. Jameson. Bye! Bye Jameson. Bye Jameson. Now let's talk about our robe. Oh my god, I'm wearing the Jameson shirt. It's like I That's so weird. I'm literally wearing a t shirt that says Jameson on it. I don't think I like that. It's freaking me out. It's freaking me out a little bit. I haven't worn this shirt in like a year. It is this time of year. It's like a no. It's like a no. Okay. Sorry, please continue. I know you're fine. Let's meet our girl Alex, okay? Okay. Alex Miller, she's an average Philadelphia girly pop. Just your average, average gal. Okay. I wanna say she's like mid thirties, maybe like early forties. Okay. Like she should probably, like you, she probably Could use a husband like that's her like that's her part of her life where she's at like she's like I needed A husband. I'm a single girl. I thought you were saying that for her. No, I just see my face I know that's like where she's at in life I mean like oh she wants to give you some insight about like what's her current status of like what's gonna happen to her Like this is just like also shitty like that's just annoying So she's living by herself like she's just like trying to figure it out. She's a broke bitch. She needs some assistance Okay, cool. So she it's 2016 She needs some help with rent. She posts on a Craigslist ad and says, I need a roomie. Holla at your girl. Are you normal? Call me. Okay? Yeah. Can I just say, like, enough with Craigslist. Who's using fucking Craigslist? I don't know. I know a lot of people use Facebook marketplace, Poshmarker, all that stuff. But like, Craigslist is For ads? Like, hit Facebook. It must be cheapest. I mean, I guess. It's free. But like, so is it Facebook? Yeah, I don't know, actually. Can we get on Facebook? Make a post? There's so many Facebook groups. Join one. God damn it. Jesus Christ. Yeah, I genuinely have not been on Craigslist in 15 years. You know why the last time I was on Craigslist? When that man was mean to me at the bar and I posted Oh, his, yeah. Yeah. That was the last time I was on all those websites who he'd get. That's how I know he's free. It's free. Yeah. Gotcha. Because he didn't deserve a dime. No. So, Alex here is from this man named Jed Creek. They speak on the phone. He's interested. He passes all of her tests. He seems super normal. So, they take the next step and they go to meet and have coffee and just like Vibe. She's impressed by him. He's clean. He's handsome. He's charming. He buys her a latte. Okay, pop off. Men don't do that ever. The bar is so low it's in hell. No red flags at all. She's like, I was very sus at the beginning because obviously she said that when I talked on the phone He was like, so where is this apartment? And she's like, I don't feel comfortable telling you that. Why the fuck would I tell you? I don't know you. So he's like, oh my god, no worries. Like, let's meet for coffee. So That's what they did. Okay. So in our flags he tells her he's like a tutor and like a lawyer on the side or some shit. He shows her his like website to show that he's legit and he passes all of her tests. So she's like, okay, fine. He has a dog. She has a dog. The dog's made. They're happy. They like each other. That was like the last part of the test. She's so excited She's like he's the perfect fit like bring that ass here done He's a gentleman even better He signed a check that day and moved in that very night, which I'd be like, this is fucking weird Where were you just residing three hours ago? Yeah, that's a little too fast. You want someone to go desperate? Yeah, she needs it. You'll see that as it seems normal, which you'll see that as a trend Desperate people. He knows who to target. Yep. Gotcha. But you know what I mean? Sociopaths are known for being able to, I mean, Anne Rule fucking sat next to Ted Bundy. They knew the guy's name was Ted. They knew what he drove. And there was a drawing of him that came out and she was still like, that can't be Ted Bundy. Because he's so normal. He's so nice. He has a Genesee Queef. He has a Genesee Queef about him. this is what they're good at, unfortunately. We want all people like this to just be really, really obvious in their best camouflage is that they're, they're not. So now it's like, who do we trust these days? Right. No one. Not a damn person. God damn it. God damn. God damn 2025. God damn. The pilgrims did not have to deal with this. They did. No, they definitely didn't. No, they just had like dysentery and polio and The plague. The whole ass plague. I'd take that. Smallpox. I'd take that over these fucking people. The smallpox, Colleen. The smallpox blankets. What the fuck's that? Sorry, I'm not into smallpox. I don't know. Alright, sorry, move on. We'll go down a rabbit hole. Also, he moves in with a cat. She's like, sir, you never mentioned a cat? Oh, I own a pet now as well? Yeah, I'm allergic. That's shitty. She's allergic. That's shitty. So he's like, what the fuck? You gotta tell them about the pets. So remember the cat. The cat comes back too? Oh, yeah, the cat's Yeah. Main character. The cat's the main character, Abigail. I think it's named as Abigail, I'm pretty sure. So she's like, I'm allergic. Also, if you are going to watch this documentary, you've got to be mean for five seconds. Alex, insufferable. She has the most annoying, she kind of like has a lisp a little bit, which is fine, but it's just there's something about her. She has like this haircut that doesn't go along. It's one of those people that you watch while they talk, like you need to watch their mouth and you're like, there's just something wrong with you. I don't know. I don't know how to explain it. If you watch it, you'll completely understand I'm not being a bitch. Like, it's weird. Okay, noted. So that's just, it's tough. Okay. I mean, she went through some shit. It's fine. Just remember that. Brings the cat, she's like, I'm allergic, and he says, don't worry girl they never leave the room, you'll never see them. As someone who was forced to live with two cats, separately, I mean, cats on, one cat on two separate occasions, sorry, forcefully. Like I had a cat growing up that I did not want, and then I moved in, and I had a cat that I did not like. I know for a fact that Maybe they're not seen. You know that they're there. They are there. Their hair is everywhere, their fucking litter is everywhere. They are there. You may not see them, but you know. So he's lying, okay? It's just not possible. He also didn't have a mattress or a bed. He simply just slept on a big pile of comforters on the floor. And she was like, what the fuck? And he was like, no, no, it's fine. It's fine. It's cool. Cool. The property manager. Requires him, obviously, to fill out a background check, to rent on the property, to be on the lease alongside Alex, because Hello. Safety. Right? So Alex leaves one on the kitchen table and he's like, she's like, Mr. Manz, you gotta fill this out for the property owner, like not me, for him. And he's like, girl, no problem. I'm on it. Never does it. She reminds him multiple times. Doesn't do it. She gives up. Ever heard of a red flag? Just wondering. There are so many so far. Just wondering. She saw that check, that first front check waving at her face and went through and she said, okay, King, you're in my home. Which I get, but also, ugh. This is like the start of. I was going to say every Netflix documentary, but almost every horror movie too. Correct. Yeah. That's like, wasn't there She's desperate! Wasn't that the Barbarian where the bitch was on the wall with the boobs? Yes, but I don't think that was the context. I don't think someone was like, I need to live somewhere. I think it was just like, But she was living in the wall, and she just like naked ran through. Yeah, she was like living in the basement of the bulkhead. Yeah. It was weird. And she's like running through with her yitties, going, going crazy. Going crazy. And he was like, and she, he was like licking her teat. And like milking. Yeah. I don't know. It was weird. Oh, God. I'm sorry I brought it up. Yeah, it was a tough time. Justin Long, I can't look at him after that. They get into a routine of living together. Things are totally fine. But when he moves in, they're under agreement that they're gonna split all the bills. Because, duh, you're splitting an apartment, you split the bills, common sense. Alex asked him to pay 140 for his half of the utility bills for the first month, and he's like, no, this money, this bill, is for the month before I moved in. Like, are you fucking stupid, basically? And she's like, okay, I'm not gonna press him on it, but he's kinda wrong, but like, whatever. Shut my trap. Mm hmm. I'd probably honestly do the same thing to be honest if he was like rude to me and like press back I'd be like, okay, I'm not gonna argue with you And so she pressed him to pay again and he text her we can handle this in court if you prefer Oh Jesus zero to a hundred. Also, you're a pussy. You can't say that to her in person. You have to text her Yeah, whoa, whoa, whoa. So now she's like, oh, here you fucking go. Yep. And so it begins. Yep. She presses him in person about the bills. Good for her. And he, he laughs at her. And when she says that, when he laughs at her, it's just, it's not right, it's sinister. Ugh. That's like when the chill goes down your spine and you go, oh, fuck, I made a mistake. Like you're fucked. Yes. I've made a grave mistake. So Alex is shitting him in her drawers. In her drawers. In her drawersies. One day when she comes home, he has taken out all of the lightbulbs out of everything in the house and put them in his room and his lamps. So she's like walking around trying to turn on the lights and there's no fucking bulbs anywhere. I would And he's like, what do you do? Because So she he's like in his room, so she's like, Jed? Like, where are the where'd the light be? Like, where are the bulbs? I would lose my fucking mind. That would that would drive me crazy. Oh no, I would lose it. And he's like, oh, they're in here. And she's like Oh, okay. Can I have them back? I don't, I don't, I don't even think she asked for them back. I think she's just like, okay, that's kind of weird. Maybe she's like, put them back when you're done? Like, I don't know. Then she realizes her dining table chairs are missing and she's like, Jed, where the fuck are my chairs? And he's like, well, I took them to make a desk in my room. And she's like, what the fuck? Why do you need four chairs for that? You don't need all those chairs. Cause there were six originally. Yeah. And he says, well, there's two of us. Like, why the fuck do you need six chairs? And they're yelling from behind a closed door. And she's like, okay, thanks. It's like she's. I mean he's not wrong like I guess it's just weird. So then comes rent. He obviously does not pay rent because we're all shocked by that. Doesn't pay it. Refuses. To get out of paying his rent, he would use excuses like a dirty plate was left out or like a cigarette butt was in the toilet and he would say it, it breached the warranty of, I can't say this word, I've just, I've tried it so many times, habit, habit, habitability? Like ha, like, your habitat? Habitat ability? Habit, habitat. For humanity. Habitaptability. Habitually? No. Habit. Habit. Habit apt actually is the song. Habit apt ability. I'm not crazy, come on. I want the fuckin third grade spelling bee. I'm not stupid. I used to get it on purpose. Habit ability. No, it's because it says habitat. Habit ability. I'm not It's not that. Hold on. This is crazy. actually have to look this up. You know what it's reminding me of? He's like, Nemi, Nemi, Nemi. Inemity. Inemity. Habitat. Habitat. No, it's habitability. Habitability. Habitability! I said habitability. Oh, maybe I, habitability. Okay, cool. Habitability, damn it. So it breaches the quote unquote warrant of habitability. So Mance was using legal terms on Miss Girl now. Now he's throwing them out like ditz. He's coming in hot. K, Judge Judy? K, pal. K, Judge Judy? Mm hmm. Mm hmm. So it's clear, Jed has now made it clear, Mr. Jed has, is, has no intentions of paying Alex any money at any point. The way I would have someone break his legs. I would have his legs broken by the end of that day. Oh my god, 100%. So Alex does what she thinks is her best bet at the moment and she calls mommy. She calls her mother Susan and Susan. Susan, get, get the bat. No, Susan is on the case. Susan springs into action. She's like, I'm on it. Does a deep dive on this man. To her surprise. To no one's surprise, actually. Rapsheet? She cannot find this man anywhere. Oh, even better. He simply doesn't exist. So she does trace his phone number and does like some back ass Behind the scenes shit. Yeah. And finds that it belongs to none other than a man named Jameson Bachman. Oh, Jameson. And she unlocks a rabbit hole of articles on him. He was a serial squatter for years. It's 2016, okay? Mm hmm. Who has terrorized multiple people. These are just people that have come forward about it. Up and down the East Coast for over a decade. Over a decade? And he was currently living in Alex's house. Oh, that's terrifying. Literally, what would you do if you were sitting on the computer and found this information while he was living in your home? I mean, I'd immediately go to the police. Immediately. Yeah. And bring all the receipts. So Were you not expecting me to say that? No. That's fair. That's what most people will do. I'd call that, you know, the uncle. Yeah. However He'd be gone. That's what you'd have to do because in these cases There is nothing you can do, I fear. We don't have laws against that? We'll get into it. So it turned out that he had enough of a legal law background, because he didn't pass the bucket bar, to use tenant law to his full advantage. And he was able to get away with not paying rent for So like multiple different apartments over for years. He was weaseling his way into homes. He used like various different sob stories I think once was like an ailing mother, a girlfriend who kicked him out, a brother with financial problems, blah blah blah. Yeah, he was the brother with financial problems to be clear. Yeah for several months He appeared to be like a perfect person, really nice, very Ted Bundy Like you said before he showed his true colors and then he got aggressive and crazy. So there are many cracks in the legal system that make it very possible for this to happen and for people to essentially just like not be able to evict him. So I learned that it turns out that squatters can claim adverse possession and tenant rights and they can do it legally because they can claim a proof of residency like bills or mail. So if you receive mail, But you haven't paid yet and you can, you can use that to say like, I live here and you cannot be taken out. You can have essentially fake bills sent or just mail in general. Yes, yes. You receive a fucking wedding invitation, you're good. So if they've been out of location for a while and the owner itself hasn't taken action, that's also important. So Alex hasn't done anything and neither has the property manager because they're like, she's just not doing anything about it hasn't taken any action and they can use the mail addressed to them for a certain amount of time and they can prove that they're a tenant and not a trespasser. Okay. Without having paid a dime. You can do that legally, which is crazy. Fuckin hell. So, before Alex, like I said, he's been doing it for a decade. First one on record that he did it to was Miss Girl Arlene. K? Arlene is a 43 year old professional dog walker. Aw, love that for her. Professional dog walker. Sweet angel. Top off Arlene. Arlene. Arlene. She has blonde hair. No, she's brunette. She's a brunette? Yeah, she's a little sweet little short haired brunette. Okay, adorable. We love her. Tell me more. She's living in Queens. Okay. And she lets Javison stay with her in June of 2006. So this is ten years prior. Oh my god. I don't know if she's the first one. Is he hot? He has to be hot to get away with this. No, he's handsome, and he's clean looking, but I wouldn't say he's like, hot. Ted Bundy. Legit. Yeah, look him up. So I get it, but no, for me. I don't know, I think there's a, a little something about him. I think he's more, maybe he's like a personality in person. Must've been. That is like a cell. Must've been super charming. Like a cell, you know? It's June of 2006, and by the time she took him in, they actually like, Start casually dating. Oh boy. Yeah, so he guarantees I won't stay longer than two months I promise but then the two months become six six months becomes a year one year becomes four. Oh My god dating at this point. I don't remember when like they broke up, but it like didn't last that long And it was totally fine when they broke up. Wanking or whatever. He only ever paid one month's rent Why that one month and no other time? Do you know what I mean? So she, one thing about Arlene, she's trapped by her own conscience situation. She's an empath, okay? So she knew that if she moved out and left him in the dust, because he's not aggressive with her at this point, like he's just annoying and like won't pay and like he's kind of a dick, she would, and he's annoying, like he's just Persistently aggravating. That's more, a better word. I'm annoying. Aggressive. I mean, yeah, he's hiding the fucking light bulbs in his room. Correct. And stealing the fucking chairs. So she feels so bad about leaving and doing something about it that she doesn't want to put him on her landlord. She feels bad for her landlord. Arlene, honey. Being an empath, man. I'll tell ya. So she stays. The tensions rising. And then in October of 2010, more than four years after you moved in and she let him, let him in, she opens up the bills and just loses her fucking mind. She literally goes, I lost it. I just lost it. She goes, I'm not a violent person, but I lost it. That's what she says in the documentary. She turns over to him, demands he pays for cable, and he's like, fuck no. Like, obviously you've let him not pay for cable for four fucking years, he's not gonna start now. She just fucking slaps him. Just slaps him across the face. And in response, he is shooketh. He grabs her by the throat. Pulls, she pulls herself free. He doesn't go further than that and she runs out the street. She's screaming for help. She's like, WTF. Although they lived in the same home, they end up getting protection orders against each other, which is crazy because you, I think, legally have to be like a hundred yards apart. Right. Which, how can you do that inside your own home? In the same home? Question mark? Awkward! So, Arlene finally is like, I'm gonna evict his ass, so she goes, and like, it's November at this point. So on one morning, she goes to the Queens County Civil Court, she puts in the paperwork to evict him. But Jameson learns what she is up to, yeah, before she does it. And he retaliates, and he files his own police report, and claims that she came at him with a knife. And he got the police to arrest her, and they believed him. Jesus fucking Christ. They fully arrest her, and she was forbidden to go near her own fucking apartment. And he's just sitting in there. Mm hmm. So now he has a full possession of her home and her cats. No, not the cats Remember the cats? I remember the cats. Mind you, we went backwards. Oh, no. No, I don't like where this is going So he has her cats. That's the cat that's in Alex's apartment. That's the cat he brought to Alex's? So she had two cats though. Yeah, where'd the other one go? He brought them to a kill shelter Shut the fuck up. So she saves one And the other one, she got there too late. And so that cat, that one that she saved, was the one that Oh my god, I hate him. I hate him. Oh my god, I feel deep hatred. You got what you wanted, you manifested it in the same episode. Hatred. You'll feel so much worse for this next girl. I actually, this is my fault, I completely forget how this ended, I think he just kind of left. On his own accord, because there's no way she like, in any of these instances did he. Like get pushed out like he you know, I mean, yeah, he only vacates no one can get him to go Yes, so she is mind you in this documentary. She's okay now. She's fine. She's freed of him It's all all as well, but it's just the fact that it happened this poor girl She's now catalyst and it's just sure and I'm sure hearing about what happens next does not help. Yeah, so that's Arlene That's Arlene story now. Let's get into my girl Sonia Sonya, okay. Sonya. So mind you, that was 2010 was when this happened, right? 2006 to 2010. Now it's 2012. I don't know what happened between 2010 and 2012. I have no idea what he did. If he was with somebody, that person has not come forward. I'm sure of it. There's millions of stories. These are just the three that are in the documentary. There's actually a lot more out there that aren't in it. Right. So, no idea what happened in these two years. Not a clue. So, my sweet Sonya, she was hit on tough times. She had a home in Queens with a mortgage, but she also had an apartment in Rockaway Beach, right on the water, that she loved and adored. So in order to get some relief on her mortgage, she needs someone to rent out her apartment. No. So she took to Craigslist, as one does. She takes pity on Jed. And she lets him move in. She does talk about how perfect the first three months of living with him are. Like they are kicking it up. Like they are the best of friends. They would eat breakfast and sunrise every morning. Like they were. He's a sociopath. Yes. They were best of friends. And she is like this sweet little Hispanic lady. So wholesome. Just lives life. She just lives on her own. Just like loves her mom. Hangs out with her mom. Are they sleeping together? Or no? No. I think she's a lesbian. Oh, cool. I could be wrong though. I think she does insinuate it though in the, in the, so sorry if I'm wrong, but that's what she insinuates. Yeah. So, whatever. But she's, she's living life. She's just a sweet girl. Look her up. You'll want to die. Like, you'll see her face and you're just like, oh, come on now. Sonja herself actually says in the documentary that she's like, we're, we were friends. I was so comfortable with him. She invited him. to join her at this park that she goes to where she would sunbathe topless. It was like, you want to come? Like, she just is. Oh, wow. Besties. Her name's Sonia, and then Acevedo, oh, I love her. Oh, she's so cute. She's so cute. Her sweet little face. What a little cutie patootie. Yeah. So she invites him even when he comes on Bathing Topless. Like, obviously she's comfortable with him, right? She says he was literally so respectful. So kind and so respectful. He even comforted her one time when one of her fucking cats died. Again, with the goddamn cats. Oh my god, get these cats, get cats away from him. I know. He even hugged her and said, I'm so, so sorry. And he had tears in his eyes. So same old story. So CO path. Obviously he, a few months go by, same old story. He starts to show his true colors. He starts having violent outbursts. He has aggressive, he gets aggressive, does weird shit to the point where she started putting a chair behind her door to get him out, like in fear at night. Scary. Oh, that's so scary. Because she was staying at the apartment a lot too. She once. Just to test the waters, placed a wine bottle right behind her bedroom door so that if anyone came in it would knock it over and she would know when she got home if someone was in her room and she returned one day and she opened the door without thinking and like braced herself for the bottle to like knock over and when it didn't it had been moved completely a foot away. Creepy. Yep. Creepy. Creepy. She starts taking self defense classes. That's how much you creep her out. Oh my god, this is like JLo and enough. Yeah. She was not, she was like something, right? So she just doesn't want to take his shit. One thing about her though, she's not like Arlene. She's like, no. No, I'm gonna fight you. Yeah. I'm not fucking around. The fuck do you think you're doing? No, no, no. You don't disrespect me in my home. Good for her. There is a part of the documentary where I, it's honestly kind of weird if you ask me, but it's a two bedroom but she brings in like a third and she like lives in a tent in the living room. It's the whole thing. Oh. But the woman like reached, called Sonia one day and was like, he was in my tent, the window's down and she's like, I totally get it if you need to leave or like call the police, like totally get it. I don't want you to be uncomfortable in my apartment, like. I don't know. How did you bring a third person into that scenario? I don't know. I think she was down bad. Yeah, she needed the, yeah. Lots of debt, lots of things happening. People do what they gotta do, you know? Yeah, no, fair enough. If the woman was open to it, whatever. Pitch a fucking tent in the living room. Yeah, pop off. Yeah. So she is fully done with him at this point. She's like, okay, I'm done with your bullshit. Especially after that third came in. He made her uncomfortable, like she was pissed. She's like, you're gonna make someone uncomfortable in my house. Fuck you And she's ready to go after him, but Hurricane Sandy hits. Oh, Jesus Christ So she evacuates and goes to like wherever her mom lives and because they live on the water on Rockaway, right? So she's like gotta go When she comes back a few weeks later, he's completely gone like gone. Nothing's there. She's left with absolutely nothing He takes all of her shit and he obviously hasn't paid this entire time. He she is in so much goddamn debt and a fan Left her as much as me and started to go fund me for her. Oh my god. No, I cry She's perfect. And it was like a goal of like 10, 000. It wasn't anything crazy It's hit almost 80k and this came out last year like the last time I know the last time someone posted on it wasn't like posted an update was in 2024 and Like so it's people are still donating like he was like five hours ago. So I'm gonna donate and I was like, what the fuck? She posted an update comment like Sonya herself. Yeah And it was okay. She posted thank you for all the blessings you have bestowed upon me Never would I have imagined after 10 years that I would receive such support and love from total strangers and stabilizing what was once a very rocky foundation. The possibility of retirement and acquiring my home seemed far fetched while living with my pension loan debts. She put a period, she wasn't supposed to. This new year learn to give yourself, to give yourself self love and empowerment by taking a women's self defense class. May God and or your higher power fill your life with the blessings given to me. It is my goal to retire in two to three years and will keep you updated on my progress. May spring 2024 be filled with new beginnings. That was spring 2024. I need to know where she's at. Oh my god, Sonia! The sweet woman opens up her goddamn door to this fucker. So I die for Sonia, we ride a don for Sonia. Done. Yeah, done and done. We'll post her GoFundMe, just in case anyone wants to give what they can. Pop off, give her what she deserves. After that, another notable one was this girl, Melissa Frost, and this was All women. Interesting. Obviously. A man would be like, what the fuck? Actually, no, I think there was a man. There was a man, I didn't right about him because he wasn't in the documentary and that was my source but I did see something about him so maybe we'll cover that on a later date but she, he does move in with this girl Melissa in 2012 right after and he claims I lost my house to Hurricane Sandy. That was his, his schtick. Isn't that crazy? That was his sob story? Yes. Over the first few months, Jameson took over the space like, you know, one does and Melissa said that the effort he put into it was life consuming. Oh, miserable. Yeah, and she goes on to explain. It's the same thing as the other two, so I won't get into it. Yeah, yeah. It's literally he just does the same shit over and over again. She said when things got bad between us, he stopped leaving the house. Because he literally thought I was going to change the locks. That's how bad it was. Like, he was self aware. I was actually thinking that earlier, the next time he would have left. Yeah, so he like, caught on for a while. Like, he's not that dumb. Like, he knows it there. Yeah, it sounds like he picks up When he must bug their room or something, because he picks up a lot before it happens. Yes, yeah, he's smart. Smart man. Ugh, it's so gross. There was one specific incident. Melissa returns his microwave to his room because he wasn't supposed to keep his things in the common areas of the apartment. That was their rule. And he shouted that she had no right to touch his things, which is crazy because he touches everybody else's shit. And he uses the microwave to push her back until she's standing at the edge top of the stairs and like kind of almost goes to push her down the stairs. So she obviously calls the police. Nothing comes of it, obviously. Because they do nothing. And when one of the Jameson's cats disappears because obviously Oh my god! The cats are fucking Enough with the cats! I'm done with the cats. Leave the women and the cats alone! I can't breathe. What the fuck? He writes her a note. You are the proximate cause of my cat's disappearance and presumed death. Do not communicate with me again unless it is through your attorney. They live together. Sir? It's not funny. He's lost the plot. He's very clearly unwell. FYI, these people are all fine. I know, but this is fucking crazy. I know, I know. Imagine living with a man who just switches. I would shoot him. Flip that switch. I would shoot him. Shoot him dead. I don't even have a gun. I'd find one. Anyways. Does a big back bitch come to get ya? I have a water gun. I'm like Let her rip. So Despite Jameson being crazy, obviously, Melissa, sweet baby Angel, still attempts to negotiate a peaceful exit. She's like, come on. Too many women are giving this man so much grace that he does not deserve. I'm saying! No, he doesn't deserve an ounce of it. She even goes as far to return the money he'd paid in November and help him, so that way he, she's like, take it back, you can find a new apartment to rent, and adios, sayonara, motherfucker. Yeah, hello everyone, my brother in Christ. G T F M, my brother in Christ. He just laughs at her. Just laughs. He does that a lot. I don't like it. I feel like it's maniacal too. It is, for sure. Like, it's not cute or endearing. It's the, you know, the hairs on your arms are getting raised. I don't like it. So he's laughing her face and she just bursts into tears. Oh my god. And he flips the switch and he comforts her. Dude. And says, you've got your whole life in front of you, you're pretty, and you're talented, and you've got this house. But he adds, well, You don't have this house anymore. This is my house. Cool. She said it was literally like something out of a movie. Like I've never Yeah, it sounded like a fucking Horror movie! Horror. The horror. You just took whore and when we say murder and put it together. Well, it's like when my mother says whore. Yeah. Hower. Hower. Claire Fowler. You remind me of Karen right now, I don't know why. Really? Yeah. That's a compliment. Yeah, no, it really is. You know she'll fucking listen, ever. And she doesn't deserve to know then. Sarah actually gave her a hard time. She's like, how do you not listen to them? She's like, it's my favorite podcast, how do you think Karen does listen to? So that was the point I was making. I stuck up for Karen and she was like, no, no, I don't listen to any podcast. I go, you don't understand. She's not listening to the radio. She has not listened to a book. She's not out here. Like she's not consuming the news. Karen has. a playlist and that phone goes in. She's not consuming the news. And it shuffles. Do you know what I mean? Like Karen's not up for. Karen is Karen. Karen is Karen ing. Karen's in her lane. And so I was like, do you notice those? I have friends that very much support me in this podcast they're just not podcast people. And that's fine. I have no hate. Yeah. Everyone's like, what episode are you talking about? And we're like, shut up. Well, funny you should mention it because she knows your whole life story. And I pointed to Sarah. I'm like, Sarah knows everything about you now. So she's like, that's cool. I can picture her reaction. We regularly ask what you would do if we were in prison or on a stranded island and answer in, in, for you. Whereas we get a text, well not we, you, you get a text being like from another cousin that's like, enough with the slander. And then we have, yeah, you'll be speaking to my lawyer. A cease and desist letter, here we come. Tommy, I'm expecting it any day now. If you know, you know. Sorry, we're sidetracking so hard. That's fine. That's what this podcast is for. That's true. I don't remember how this particular part ended. I think he ended up leaving because like we said, no one like leaves, he doesn't leave on his own. Like what I mean, so it just like ends again. Yeah. So no, we, we do hold. So that's Melissa, I'm just giving you examples of like some of the No, I know what you mean. I'm just surprised. It just like ends though. They're just like, okay, he's out of my hair, changing locks, moving on. I mean, there's really nothing you can do. At this point, they're like, thank fucking God, like, thank our lucky stars. You can't sue, really, I don't think? No, oh my God, in the fear, like, the first three days, you're like, when is he coming back? And then when you finally realize, that must feel amazing. Because he's smart, like, he knows, he, technically what he did, like, really, not bad, like. It's not, it's bad, it's just legal, unfortunately. Yeah. He cracked the system. So, let's go back to Alex. We left off with Ms. Alex when Susan found the identity. That's right. Cool. Her mom. After her mom finds the identity, the true identity, of our, our dear dad, who is actually Jameson, Jameson Bachman The worst brother. Yes. The other brother. She, Susan walks her little ass into Alex's apartment, Alex isn't even home, and, completely unannounced, and jameson comes right for her and goes, what are you doing in my home? Susan says, This is my daughter's home. Jameson. And that's the first time that she had used the real name. He completely pales. And is like, What I wouldn't give to be a fly on the fucking wall. J Mo, you've been caught, motherfucker. But yeah. Such a good spot to put it, too. Pop off, Susan. Yes, Susan. So, after that, Alex writes, Jed, a. k. a. J Mo. J Mo, a. k. a. Jed, a. k. a. Fuckface. A letter says that, you know, I've informed the authorities and they've been made aware, you need to get the fuck out. He does not. Because he's smart and he knows. He knows it's legal. I didn't do anything wrong so you're, you're bluffing. Miss Alex, God bless her, stays in her apartment this whole time. She never leaves. No. She stands her ground. Not because she's like, I have nowhere else to live. with her mom. She's like, no. I'm not backing down. This is my fucking home. And on May 1st of 2017, Alex has a plan. She decides, she just has a different energy today. Oh, I'm so excited. And she says, okay, I'm going to stand my ground. I'm going to do something. I'm going to do everything that I know. I've gathered my information and I'm going to do everything that I know Jameson hates on this particular day. So that night. Back to back. This is like the Home Alone, you know, Macaulay Culkin is planting all of the traps for the people. Yep. For the two guys. One stop shop. She has dozens of friends. And her mother and a few neighbors all over for a party that she describes on Facebook. She makes a Facebook invite for this. Good for her. It's a send off for the serial squatter, Jameson Bachman. Oh, so she's like, I'm out here and I'm just going to tell everybody. Yeah, I think she got in contact with Melissa, one of the, Oh my God. Yeah. So she's like, Yeah. Yeah. on it now. Oh, I love this girl. Susan has deep dived, we have, we have touched base with people, things are happening. She's pissed. Facebook, if it becomes a Facebook group, it's legit. So they make an event and she's like, I'm reclaiming the space. You are not welcome. GTFO. Everyone gather around. So she knew he started his online tutoring sessions because he had to make some form of money and that's actually what he did. Like, That is legitimate. He did do that. I almost asked you that earlier, but didn't want to. That part is legitimate. So she knows he starts them at like a certain time of the evening. So she told everyone to arrive exactly at that, that prime time. Mm hmm. Everyone gets there. She hands out mixed drinks made with Jama, Jama, Jesus Christ. Jama whiskey. Yeah. She hands out a bunch of drinks in his honor, of course. And she blasted rap music. She said she loved Wu Tang. She was like, I'm a Wu Tang girl, get the fuck out of my house. Which is hilarious, because if you saw what this girl looked like and sounded like, you'd be like, sorry? I love her. Yeah. She knew that he hated it, because he had made multiple references to like, hating loud music, hating parties, hating drinking, all that shit. So she's blasting Wu Tang from her fucking stereo. Full blast. She goes online, and she finds photos of Melissa. And also prints out pictures of his random ass, wack ass website and puts them all around the apartment, shoves them under his door, puts them in the bathroom, puts them fucking everywhere. She said she wanted to psychologically fuck with him and printed them out and put them everywhere. This feminine rage is unmatched. Yeah. Yeah, she said, I want him to know that I knew everything about his past, and to have to face the people he had harmed, right in front of him. Fuck. Yes. Yep. Around 11pm, Jameson comes out of his, his room. I, I also think that the friends were like listening in at the ear, they're also like yelling things at the door, like, Jameson, like they're, they're taunting him. And they heard him like screaming at his computer so like they knew that they were like starting to stir him. He finally leaves the room and they're all just like completely ignoring him. He, he dumps a whole box of cat litter in the toilet. Like just like, just something little. Okay bro. Like clogs it, whatever. And then he huffs out of the apartment with a backpack and that's that. Good. Bye! And the minute he leaves, Alex's best guy friend, like okay pop off undoes all of the Screws on the door. On the door and removes the knob. Yep. So he doesn't have a door. The party winds down. All of, like, her friends are like, I don't think you should stay here tonight. Like, are you, hello? Even her mom fucking leaves, which is weird. Like, I thought that was weird. My mom would, I would, I was gonna say, maybe stay? Yeah, so she's left alone with him. She's like, no, no, no, guys, like, I'm good. Fuck him. Everyone, you're good. We're, we're fine. She goes to bed. And she sleeps poorly, obviously, because she's just a stir Yeah. Stir the beast. He obviously probably came home at some point and saw that he did not have a door. Like, he's probably pissed. Yeah. Yep. So she's just Vibing. She's chillin So, before dawn, she hears him. She, he rises unusually early, which he doesn't normally do, and he leaves the house. So she's like, okay, I'm gonna take advantage of this time while he has left the house. I'm gonna, like, brush my teeth and, like, get my shit together. Like, I don't want to see him. She crosses, crosses, she crosses the hall into the bathroom and she starts brushing her teeth with the door closed. And she thinks, okay, I'll be able to slip out and go to work while he's gone. We won't have to see each other. The front door opens and he comes. Barreling, running down the hallway at her. With a fist, slams the bathroom door open, pushes her against the wall, has his hand at her throat, and she, yeah, like, fully fucking attacks her. And she screams bloody murder, and when she screams he retreats. So she, he obviously like, has this burst of anger, does all this shit, and then he just goes to his room. And she is shooketh, as one is when they get literally attacked. Oh my god. So she's shook for a minute and all of a sudden she's like, No, I'm fucking pissed. She's like, no, I, you just, the fact that you Get the bat. Get the bat. She doesn't even have, like, a weapon. Which is crazy. Everyone, get a Louisville Slugger and put it below your fucking bed. I was at Brandon's grandpa's, he has three. By the door. Good. As he should. So she's, which I love this about her, she's not like, she's like pissed that he made her feel scared. In her own house. In her own home. Yeah. So she immediately goes from scared to anger. And she follows him to his fucking bedroom. She gets like a burst of anger. She runs after him. She stands in the doorway and she shouts, who the fuck do you think you are? And he comes at her with, which she didn't realize, I think he was feeding the cat, she had, he had a knife in his hand, she didn't realize that, so he turns, he has the knife in his hand, comes towards her and she's still in the doorway, he leans against the door to shut it, and as she pulled back, her leg got stuck in the door, and he slams on it ten times over, her leg in the door, and Eventually stops, she gets, she gets out of the way and he says, You have made a grave mistake. And he jabs the knife at her leg to get it out of the door. So she's fully fucking bleeding. Like, he, like, fully attacked her with a knife. Okay, well, that's fucking assault and the cops can finally fucking do something about it. Correct. Psycho. So he, he slices her leg open. She runs to her room to hide. And Oh, the adrenaline. Oh my god. The anger. I don't know how I would react in this situation. I fear I would just be like, you know, yeah, you're a fighter. It's fight or flight. It's the, whatever your, I don't know what I have. I have fight. Unfortunately, I want more flight. I don't know. You have flight, honey. Actually, I don't know if it was happening to me. I think I would have flight, but I think it was happening to somebody else in front of me. I would have fight. Does that make sense? I agree. I agree with that. Yeah. And guess what? I think I would just be like, I think we could all say, and in the moment you just do whatever your instincts tell you to. I don't think I have instincts. I don't think you do either. Just being honest here. She calls the police. Jameson. The cops come immediately. He doesn't even try to run, which is crazy. They arrest him. They charge him with aggravated assault. And when he leaves, she's like, fuck it, I'm going in his room and looking through his shit. Because, fuck you. And she finds a box with bullets and a gun cleaning kit for like a caliber pistol. But the gun doesn't work. was never found. No idea where the gun is, which is scary, terrifying, terrifying. So Jamo boy is in jail and he calls big brother Harry, of course. And it says, homie humble, humble King homie. Can you bail me out? He's married with kids at this point, by the way. He does. Cause you know, brother. Yeah. And he asked to stay with him. And cause he's like, I can't go back to this girl's plate to my house. Cause hello. I attacked her. I don't know. I don't know how much Harry knows. I have no idea. Harry has a wife. Her name's Caroline. Caroline's like, no, I don't care if he's your brother. He's not staying in our fucking house. Like, so they must have at least an inkling of something has gone on. And also the children. Exactly. No. So she's like GTFO now. Instead Caroline's not in the house at this point. I don't know where they were, but neither were the kids. But So Jameson kills Harry. What? He murders him in their home. What the, Colleen, what the fuck? No, he's completely lost a plot. He is. How? I forget. I think he beats him to death. Oh, that is rage. Yeah. I'm pretty sure he beats him. That is, I think he beats him. I forget. I think it was like he was supposed to be somewhere. And Caroline figures out, he's like my. Oh, you know what it was? Sorry. Sorry, guys. I have legit Alzheimer's. He's supposed to be somewhere, where Caroline is, his wife. And he does not show up. And so he, after a while, Caroline just knows, and she calls the police and says, Hey, can you do a check on my husband? Because, super weird, he had just texted me and said, Guess who just showed up here? Because I think he had bailed him out and was like, Get the fuck out, because you can't stay here. My wife won't let you stay here. And he leaves, and he came back and killed him. where no one was there but Harry. He beat him to death, I'm pretty sure. And then, Caroline obviously calls the police because she just knows, because a woman always knows. Oh. My. God. Mhm. And then so the cops come, they find his body, and turns out, Harry stole Caroline's car. Oh, Harry, sorry. Apologies. James steals Harry's wife Caroline's car and also Harry's American Express car American Express credit card And he drives like a couple miles down the road to rent a room at a hotel They figure out where he is because it pings on the fucking card. Yeah, are you fucking paying cash right now? Yes, he's clearly Are you fucking new? Sorry, he's never killed before, you know? But he's, he was almost a lawyer, Colleen. Yeah, that's true. So. You should know better. Like, no, he's, he's, he knows too much about tenant law. He doesn't know enough about homicide. No, I was being sarcastic. He's a fucking ass. So the police find him immediately, he surrenders, and they charge him with first and third degree murder. Now, why, you might ask. Why has he done such a thing? Why is he like this? Who hurt him, you know? Now they do a bunch of interviews in the documentary with his family being like, and his friends being like, WTF, that's why Bob's in it a lot, our guy Bob. Yeah. Two reasons, two things that come up. One being he has an allegedly, a brutal father, right? And he also, the second being, he actually was a part of a super violent one off murder situation in college that completely altered himself. His brain chemistry? Yes, yeah, yeah. What the fuck? So, Jameson did enroll at Tulane in 1975. Oh, you mentioned that. He went there for a hot minute before he went to wherever else. Georgetown and then Miami University. He was there for a short minute because of this situation. So, super rocky, super brief. He was in a really bad incident in January at a frat house. It was like Sigma Chi, whatever, something like that. He was not a member of the frat, shocker. He's giving crap away, but he was not a member of the frat. He was hanging out with a friend from back in Elkins Park from his hometown. Okay. They're eating dinner it was a guy named Ken. Trigger warning before she goes into this. So, him and Ken are eating dinner at the frat house and suddenly a man appears out of nowhere, with a knife, in their kitchen, and just completely slashes Ken's throat. Like, so violently. Jameson actually used the word he legitimately, like, beheaded him in front of me. Like, grabs him by the head and Oh my god. Sitting right across from him. And according to any news reports about it, cause that, you would think that if someone's telling you that, especially if it's him, he's lying, but it was actually a completely true story. There was a news report on it. He was. Horrific. Yeah. So this man, Ken, he was killed by a 25 year old student. Librarian named Randall, and the two were fighting, I think, about something so absurd. The two of them had been fighting since the previous fall, and this is January, and the guy that, I literally can't, it's horrible, Randall, this guy Randall, he calls campus police on Ken because he ate a cheese sandwich that he wasn't supposed to, that was his. So he is completely This is all about lunch? This is about a cheese sandwich. This is about lunch. So There's no fax that says, I killed this person. He never says it, but it's the only time I've ever argued and ever were in each other's lives were about this cheese sandwich argument. This is just an unhinged man. Oh my god, the mental illness. Yes. Yeah Like to the point where the cops are like, this is the only explanation we can come up with that. Imagine being that kid's family No, Ken's family and being like so Jameson is normal. Like he's an asshole. He's a jackass He's cocky, but he's not fucked until Until this incident, this point, allegedly. And he's in the kitchen when that happens. He's sitting at the, the kitchen table. So he's sitting Yeah, they're literally sitting across from each other. Ugh. Yeah. So that happens. And he doesn't d die like right away. I'm pretty sure he like, gets up and like runs out the front door, like bleeding out. And so like Ken, like he's just running after Ken being like, oh, what's going on? Yeah. So that happens. And Jameson goes home that summer. So it's the summer of 1976 and. He's completely different. His friends and his family are like WTF what happened to you? He's paranoid. He's just being a freak, as one does. Hello, just get a therapist. Trauma. So this is what everyone is like. He was altered from that point on, as one is. Not a, not an excuse to, you know, become a serial squatter and kill your brother, but not the point. Another reason other than that situation was having a really tough dad and also being really jealous of the more successful brother, right? Harry was, we talked about it before, the better brother. At this point Harry had earned a degree in architecture from Cornell, married a psychologist from Paris And he had two daughters and had a most, the most stunning little quaint colonial home in Elkins Park where they lived. Yeah, so like, perfect life. He's successful, has the whole family, close to home, all that shit. Does all the right things. Yes, yes. And even Bob, our dear old Bob, says that his parents were ashamed of Jameson. Like straight up. It was obvious. Couldn't hide it. Yeah. So both of these things are, could attribute to like why he is the way he is. But yeah, a lot of people have that. But not an excuse. Yeah, not a fucking excuse. Not an excuse for marriage or serial squatting. That's correct. Doesn't matter because shortly after all these incidents, he hangs himself in 2017 at the correctional facility. Are you fucking kidding me? Yeah. Oh, I hate this guy. Me too. Alex says, how dare he? First, he ended up destroying himself, then he killed his brother, the only person in the world left to help him. I, I do, the brother has really sent me. Mm hmm. I, I just didn't know He didn't know wrong, ever! And that's the thing, they, they did bail him out, like they went and helped him as much as they could. I guess, you know, the Alex thing, not blaming Alex at all, I'm so, that part of the story made me so happy. Like, fuck you and the horse you fucking rode in on. Maybe that catapulted his She feels so horrible in A Fur Harry, like, in tears about it. Oh my god. And on a positive note, all of his victims, other than his brother, of course, have since found relief and peace with the situation, so like, that's always good, but Yeah, that is that poor wife. I know and that's how the documentary ends Yeah, it's just like he hung himself and now the victims are okay, except for Harry. Mm hmm And that is the story of Javis and Bachman aka Jed Creek the serial squatter Colleen that was so good. Was it? I like my was obsessed with the rain has exploded. Yeah No, there's there's other stories too. There's like he's had he's done it to like five other people. Those are the good ones Oh. My. God. Oh, I just wish he saw his fucking day in court. Yeah, I know. I think he, I think it was Oh, you know what it was? He had a court date set with, cause Alex was taking, she took him to court for something. I don't fucking know. But she had a court date with him, and he didn't show up. And she was like, crazy. He, this is where he would be. This is, he would be all about this. He's a fucking, this is his shit. And he didn't show up. And it's cause he was, he hung himself. Before, so he didn't have to go to court. I think it was like within the same days. And like no one notified her, obviously. But yeah. Son of a bitch. I'll say. And that's all I got. Sorry. To leave you on a semi not positive note. No, that was such a good story. That was crazy. Poor Harry. Justice for Harry. Justice for Harry. Justice for all of them. Yeah. Look at Jonia. That's Jonia's. Oh my god, I can't talk anymore. Sonia's. Go fund me. Pop off, queen. Love her. Yeah, that was so good. What are you doing in the next month? What are you excited about? Nothing. You don't have anything planned for the entire month? No, so deadass not one. I'm gonna see you at the end of April. I'll take notes for you. Will you please? Yeah, of course I will. And we'll have a checkup episode when I come back. Wellness check in the middle, maybe? I'll send you voice memos. Okay, cool. That makes you happy. That does make me happy. I do like a good voice memo. I mean, you send me good ones. Yeah, you send me ones that start and you go Oh my god, sorry, that car almost just hit me. Wait, so I was at work, and this girl came up to me, Oh my god, what the fuck, why is that guy trying to cut me off? And then, and it's like, by the time you act, You know that girl I told you about, like, just a little backstory in case I don't, And then you say it so fast, and you're like, whatever, it's fine. And you keep, it takes like, three 30 second voice memos to get, to get what's happening. And that's showbiz. That's showbiz, baby. So you send me lots of voice memos? Yeah. You don't have one thing to look forward to? There's not a country concert you're going to? No. Or pussy that you're gonna pop? Literally no. Like I would Wow. Okay. Things just find me, you know? T. V. D. I can't wait to hear about the boy when I get home. Who knows? I mean, come on. There might be nothing when you get home. We're manifesting this episode. No, I know. I'm just saying. And that's that. Yeah, and that's that on that. Make 100 greatest movies list. Make, make the best movie list you've ever made in your life, and also tell me what I missed. Make sure you pee after you have sex. Yeah. Yeah, maybe. Might be a lesson some have learned recently. It's important. And pay your fucking rent! I don't know. Don't be a squatter. Bare minimum. And use some fucking moisturizer, cause your dry ass skin needs it. In this type of year. Hundred percent. We have to hop off, my vagina's sweating. I beg. I beg thou. I beg thee. Love you, mean it. Love you, mean it. Thou loves you. Mean it. Bye. The ye olde English. Nearly fucking got me. I won't lie.

Speaker 9: 1:36:27

podcast was produced by me, Bridget Shannon. Music is written and performed by Matt Derosiers. You can find his band, Super Stoker, anywhere you listen to music.