Loyal To The Soil

On this week's episode, it's our birthdays!!! We've got an extra long Summer recap for you. Colleen went on a weekend trip to the Cape with Mans and Bridget went on a Yee-DM Cruise. Yes, you read that correctly. Love Island UK is awful and Tankinis are back..we don't make the rules! Then we get into the topic of the week.. DRUNK TALES. We're going back to our roots with some good ole fashioned drunk stories that will have you giggling. So, buckle up cookie tits!!! Get out of the bath tub and leave the dog food ALONE. #LeoSeason #HotDogSeason

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Transcript

0:23

Oh, is it time now? Yes. Olive ball. Oh my God. No. If you're gonna do it, you do it. I can't do that. And I'll do the eye eyes. Okay. But then nothing's happening. Other than that, that's okay. I, I, no. Do that burner and then I'll come in. Okay. And may he rest in the sweetest piece and may he rest in piss Prince of Darkness, also a Hulk Hogan brother. Very upsetting stuff. I'm not that upset. Really. I loved Hulk knows best, Hogan knows best back in the day. So I know their family. Did we talk about this once? No. Like adjacent? No. And let's just say it's okay. No. Like everything's gonna be okay. They're not well, let's get real. But like, I love the show and therefore I loved him. He just seemed like a mm, a gem, you know? Well, anyone who likes Hulk Hogan or Ozzy, I hope you're having an okay week. You know, I wasn't gonna drink last week and someone had to do it. I told you about going to the tavern and that was why. I said, you know. Yeah. So what happened to you? It happens to the best of us. I was trying to like, you know, it was a good day. The sun was out. Me and Fiona are like, let's get get, get, get our steps in. Look at US Health and Fitness Queen. She even had her like weighted bands around her wrist, like mm-hmm. We were in on going up the hills. We did all the stairs of the Fiona weighs 110 pounds. Soaking. We, I wanna make that clear. So when you're thinking of a little cute blonde, white girl, 110 pounds, soaking wet, walking up a hill with her little wrist paper with her at the monument. We did all the stairs. All the stairs. Oh, you did? Not the monument stairs, but like the ones around it. The ones around it. Yeah. It would go up and down each one like twice. Oh, look at you. Go. Yeah. And she had her little step call her Rocky, her little steppers on, but then, you know, we passed the tavern and I said, you know, the patio looks really good. Well, you know what happened? We passed a different place first. And then she was like, oh, I would just like love to be out a patio right now with like a crisp glass, a glass of wine. And I was like, you do know we can make that happen. It is my favorite. The Warren tavern's my favorite restaurant on earth. Yeah, I would agree. And I said, well, what if we run to the car to get your id and we're running and like, that'll make up for it. And then we'll walk to a restaurant that's further. And she's like, yeah, that's perfect. So then we walk by the Warren. I'm like, look at it outside there. Let's just chop in for an app. That's what it starts off. Girl map. Let's switch. Switch. Let's split an app. We end up with wine in front of us. Listen. And then three appetizers as it should be. The steak and cheese egg rolls are just so, oh, they're so good to die for. I cannot, they're so good. Nachos, chicken tenders. You really can't go wrong. No, you cannot go wrong. You look like you literally can't. Steak tips, they have great seafood. I mean, all the tings just obsessed with the Warren Tavern. I had some sang, some sangria. Yes. Very good. Very yummy. And that's the tea. So don't go for a walk, Jo, unless you wanna end up, but that's what I love. I actually have this on my list to talk to you about. I love the vibes in Boston right now, and not just the vibes in Boston, but people want to be out. People are out and about. There are cookouts, there are birthdays, we're out on patios, we're day drinking and then going home at a reasonable hour. Like it's just so fucking nice. It is like she is booked in busy in a way that there's nothing way. She's not in March. There are better. Like there's, in my mind, nothing better than like a Boston New England summer fall. I would argue fall. Really? I disagree, but I, I do love a Boston Summer. Bring me to tall ship. Bring me to a patio. Let me sit my wine, have an appetizer outside and get some more freckles. That's all I'm asking. We're just simple girls. We're just girls with simple tastes. I'm not asking for much. Hi everyone. Hi. Welcome to this week's episode of Sippa with the Shannons. We're cousins and every other week we sit down, we sip on some wine, we talk some shit, and we have a good giggle. I'm Bridget Shannon. And I'm Colleen Shannon. And happy birthday to the one and only Karen. Shannon. How shall we forget? And also Colleen Shannon. Okay. But also Bridget Shannon. Oh yeah.'cause all three of us are in the week. Yeah. And we won't be recording technically next week, so therefore you're also Yeah, all three of our birthdays. Wow. Leo Queens. Just a bunch of Leo bitches having ourselves a time. I would agree. Mother Erin never stood a chance. Sorry, mother Erin. But then Mother Erin had child and also is in the gang. Claire Bear is a Leo baby. She is. She is within us. And she is a Leo baby. She is through and through. So it couldn't touch Erin. So it found her. Somehow I just, Erin just moved to a new house and it is so nice. She's so much closer and I cannot get over how wonderful it is to just drop in. I've never had to do that. I've always had to factor in, okay, is this gonna take me an hour or two? She is drop in a bowl. I have seen those babies like four times in the last two weeks. I'm so happy to hear that. I'm just so happy. I'm so happy they're so close. I'm just, I am happy as can be. I'm happy for them. I'm happy for you. Thank you. Pop off. I was actually thinking about Karen the other day because. One time, it was my 30th birthday, and I should preface this with one of my best friends, Amanda, is about to pop, is like about to have a, her third girl, God bless, God bless, all born in the same week. All three of them. Wait, that's wild. Oh, complete accident. So what happened was, she was actually due an early September and in my 30th birthday for her first child, she was eight months pregnant. It was early August. She's not due for another month. We have a cookout in the backyard and we're playing cornhole. And everyone's saying, me happy birthday, and everyone's drinking. And she's like, all night Karen go is going, that baby's coming. That baby is about to come. And Amanda's like, no, we're literally not ready. We're doing our kitchen over. Like, we're not ready. We have another month the whole night that baby's coming. And you know, she says it. Yeah. She's like, bitch, that baby's coming. And so we, Amanda leaves obviously early with Danny, her husband, and they go home because she's sober and we drink. And now this is when our cousins lived above me. So we drank literally all night because we, we'd be drinking, no neighbors calling on me. Yeah, no. And so we drink and I wake up to 5:30 AM you know when you open like one eyeball and it's like crusty and you don't know what time it is and your mouth is just a Sahara and you just, your, you your heart's palpitating. That's, and it was 30 and it was COVID. So we were just like really feral because we hadn't seen each other, you know, it was one of those Yeah, it was a little taste Yeah. Of normalcy that we desperately needed. And I just see a baby's face and I immediately fall back asleep. Because we were still drunk basically. Yeah. So I wake up a couple hours later and I open my phone and everyone's like, oh my God, congratulations. And I come out and Karen's asleep on the couch. And at this time she had just woken up and I go, oh my God, Amanda had her baby. She's like, I told that bitch that baby was coming difficult. Karen, Shannon Fashion told her and they had been playing cornhole all night. So we were joking that cornhole brought the baby early. Bitch, that baby coming. That tracks. Yeah. It's pretty. So, so Karen predicts the future essentially. Chicken fga, chicken fingers for everybody. Karen season knows all she What a terrifying statement that is. Like for real. Uh, We did celebrate your birth by ordering some 90 nines. We did. You did. Order me some 90 nines. We got some tequila in the house. I got her a big old bottle of tequila, feeling hashtag blessed. Nothing. A good chicken tender and a potato skin can fix. No. Quite literally. I forgot about my entire day in, honestly. And we had a big old jar of honey mustard. Don't worry everyone. And some sour cream for the, the very cheesy bacony potato skins that we got. And I don't know who came up with nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. I want to say it was K Moss lie. I'm sorry. That's a lie. No. As someone who has been previously heavy my whole life and now is feeling on the thinner side lie Yeah, I agree. There's just nothing that. I just could never give up alcohol on chicken fingers. And that's just like not something I'm willing to give up to be skinny. I think that's okay. Yeah, I think after this particular episode you may rethink that from the stories that I have for you. Good to know. But in this moment I agree. Okay, so what's up with you? What have you been up to? You know, same old, same old. I worked actually all this past last weekend. But the weekend before that though, I did go to the Cape with Mans, he had never been. Ooh, yeah, just the two of us. I Is that your first weekend alone? Alone? Yeah, we, that weekend trip. Yeah. We haven't been like together that long though. I mean, it's been like six months. Yeah. But it's not like, like, yeah, so we went away. He had never been to the Cape, so I was just like, okay, done and done. Like he goes for work, but he doesn't like experience the cape. Like he didn't know what cuff's was. He didn't Oh my God. Cuff's. Did you get a T-shirt? Of course. We went and get sweatshirts. He spent like a lot of money there, honestly. He's like getting tanks for his brother. Like we were bawling out. But then also there was so many people in there and he was literally 9:00 AM on a Sunday and he was like, I have to, like, we need to get out of here. And I was like, oh, it's crazy. No fair. I worked at a company where a guy who worked there was very diehard cape and had no idea what cuff's was. And it just, and I was about that was like, he was really wealthy though, so I was like. He was in Wellfleet, like he's beach coer. Oh, deep. No, he's deep. Yeah. No, like who the fuck goes to the cape every summer, all summer long? Owns a house down there. Claims to be diehard Cape Cod, and doesn't know what fucking Cuffy is. Yeah. So it's probably like two tours date for him or whatever. Oh, I fucking rule like, you know, his ass has not been to Chapin. It's like it's just not a thing. But one time, Aaron's entire squad, senior year, their senior year of college rented a house on the Cape and it was Cape Week and like everyone went down there and we all got cuff's t-shirts for a massive beer marathon. Mm-hmm. And you got cuff's, t-shirts, colored based off of the team you were on. So we all had cuff's, t-shirts. For our teams. It was incredible. It's a dream. Okay. So how was it, what'd you think? It was so good. It was actually the best trip I've had in like a wicked long time. Like, yeah, no, it was so nice. What did you do? We were just like, at peace. Like, I don't know how to explain it. Oh. Um, We went to the beach. We usually did the same thing every day. We got a new coffee, we would try a new coffee shop, and then I would going to the beach. Oh, that coffee looked real good. And I don't even fucking drink coffee. Okay. So here's the thing about this. It's like everywhere I look these days, I don't know what side of TikTok you're on or your side of Instagram, but like everybody and their mother is like obsessed with this fluffy seagull coffee. If you're listening, you know exactly what the fuck I'm talking about. You've seen it. And I don't, it's like, it's supposed to be like a peanut butter coffee with like fluff on the inside, but I don't like peanut butter. That's candy. Like people are just drinking candy at this point. Right. But it's like not as bad as Mary Lou's, so it's like whatever. Okay. Okay. That's exactly what I was thinking. He is a sweet, sweet treat king and oh, and he loves peanut butter and fluff. So I was like, we have to try this place. But I like didn't give him context. He's so wholesome that he loves peanut butter and fluff. Yeah, he's he is a little boy. No. Yeah, that's correct. He told me the other day, he goes, yeah, I used to have chocolate milk and Cheetos every night before bed. I'm like, I can't. Chocolate milk and Cheetos. He loves milk. Bridgette, he loves milk. He's so wholesome. It's painful. No, I know. In the best way. No, I know. I just wanna punch him like seriously. And kiss him on the face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, yeah, but anyways, nice save and No, I know I'm being wholesome. No, so the, the thing is, because it's all over the place, it's bump, it's like bumping there and it's like, almost like TikTok ruins everything, right? So we get there. He gets up at six 30 in the morning naturally, and he starts packing the car and packing the cooler. I'm in bed. I am, I want nothing to do with this. Okay. But that's why those type of men are the best. Yeah. So you can just rest. At one point I realized he was no longer in the bed with me, and I opened my eye and I could see out the window and I could see like his blue shirt, and he was like, un, he was doing the cooler and it was six 30 in the morning. And I was like, I can't, cannot, like, by the time I, he also just moves a lot faster than me. So like, not like abruptly, but like, I will have just put on like a shirt and I'll, like, he will have his glasses. Like, he'll be out, like ready to go out the door, but then we'll be like, take your time. Well also, like men just don't need, but he does things before I think to do them. And I'm like, he like borderline if you like, you're a slower processor and I'm not really slow. You're like, I'm you like normal pace not, and he's just like at it. But he is not like, sometimes you, you adjust as if you're an old man. Yes, he does tell me I'm geriatric. Yeah, you'll like sit down, you'll be like one second and you'll crack and then you'll, I just need a perk. And you Yeah. You need, and it has to be in a specific spot or he is on the perch move. Like every time he's like, he goes, mother needs a perch everywhere we go. Looks for perch. Oh my god, I love him. No, me too. Jose gonna say, oh, so I, we get up and he's like, oh, perfect, we have to go to this beach early. Which I told him, I was like, you need to go to May Far beach, like 8:00 AM on the dot. Like, you will not get in the fucking lot. Is the best beach on the cape. There is no if and or but's about it like we are going. He was like, okay, great. Cool. So we get up and I'm like, oh, perfect. If we're already up, we can go to that coffee place. Because we tried to go the first day and the line was wrapped around the fucking building. But, so I see these things and I'm like, oh my God, it must be so good if everybody wants it. No, he sees the opposite. Yeah. So we're like. Ready to like argue about it. And so he is like, well, if you wanna wait in line, I'll wait in line with you. Of course. And I was like, cool. No, we don't have to wait in this line. The second day we went early, we only had to wait 45 minutes. And we get to the top of the line and he's like, get that coffee that you wanted, or whatever. And I was like, so here's the thing. I don't actually like peanut butter or fluff, but like I know that you do. And he was like, are you fucking kidding me? But I, we got breakfast, I got on breakfast sandwiches too, because like, that's what you do. I feel like men are like irritated. I'm like, you need a snack. Love that. He kept saying the breakfast sandwich had the wow factor. He was obsessed, but the coffees were like, whatever. But then Aaron went a couple days later after me and she was like, it was literally the best coffee. I was like, I tasted his, it just tasted like a coffee. It didn't even taste like she was like, it was so good. So I don't know if we had a bad batch. I have no fucking idea. I we would rate it like a four outta 10, but everybody else was like, oh, obsessed. But we waited like 45 minutes for it. I felt so bad. And he was like, we could get the fuck outta here. And then we were gonna be late for the beach. I told him we had to be there by 80. It was like almost nine. And we got like the last spot in the parking lot. Thank God. Yeah. But I got him. He's not a beach guy. Like he's, he is, but he isn't. He's whatever I say I want. Like he is, do you know what I mean? Yeah. He saying like, I wanna do this and you must do it. Like, he's just like, whatever. Yeah. Not in a doormat way, in a whatever makes you happy way, like I'll go with the flow. Yeah. Yeah. So I he like cooler, cooler two chairs. He's like everything around I just like have my little bag and he's like walking on the sand. He hates sand. And I got him there for like five hours. I got him to like rest and like find peace. Wow. Yeah. But of course. We had to, you know, go looking for crabs, crab hunting. We had to, I, I held a live crab. The way men cannot settle on the beach needs to be studied by a psychiatrist. No, but honestly, in the grand scheme of things, I would prefer a man that like, can't sit. Like I, I would prefer that over someone who's just like rot veg, like, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I can, that I me be rot, veg, I'll be rot veg. And you can, as long as you don't mind that that's what I'm doing. You go do whatever the fuck you want. Yeah. You jump, you boogie board through every wave you've ever seen. And I will cheer you on. So like, ill be here reading my book. I like to swim. So we were like children. Oh my God. When you play your MAs, like belly swapping, like belly flopping. I was making him drag like a child drag me through the water at one point. Like I True children, like no one else was there. It was so funny. Oh, it's so cute. The second day though, however, or no, sorry, that was the second day. The first day I was so fucking hungover, Colleen. No, it was, it, you know, better. It was an accident. So here's the thing, I just got a little too excited. So the lady that I bought got the Airbnb from was like, Hey, we had a cancellation. Like, do you just want this night, the night before for like a hundred bucks she spent on me. And I was like, yeah. So we ended up going down instead of the morning. We went the night before, which was so nice.'cause then we like got dinner and like we settled it, but we had like time. Mm-hmm. And so I was just like, we just got a little excited and I had a couple, one too many martinis probably in a short span of time. And needless to say, I, and I had told him we went to the grocery store. Smart food in the basket. And I said to Sir, you're not gonna wanna see me around a bag of smart food. Like, it's not gonna be fucking brew. I'm gonna demolish this in a way that will make you question Yeah. Your life choices. No. Everything. Yes. I woke up and there was popcorn I guess in the sink on the floor everywhere to be like, and I guess that did you, you sound like a gremlin. No, I was a gremlin. And I do this thing where I like, it's so stupid, but also so pure. He, I hate when he brushes his teeth without me. Yeah, you mentioned, yeah. And like, the time that he was just like, he brushed'em twice. Did I tell you I told you about this, right? Yes. Yeah. Like, so wholesome. So I, I guess he kept being like, we have to brush our teeth. And I was just like, I'm having my popcorn first. Like, I had it in a cup. I guess I have no memories of this. And then the next morning I was down and I immediately get up and he's like, already ready for the beach. And I'm like, project dialing. And so I just, I played it cool. You know, mind never matter. I just put, he just brought me everywhere. Like I was a puppet and like, was just like being dragged. And when we got to the beach, I had to keep getting up to go. We were at West Dennis Beach, which is wicked nice because the parking is literally at like, it's not, I had to walk far. And so every time I was like, oh my God, something's happening to me. I'd have to just like go for a walk and I would go like, throw up next to the car. Like it was not pretty for a couple of hours. Oh. And he kept being like, oh, just like, take a dip in the water. I'm like, you don't understand my hangovers. You do not understand. Yeah. They're crippling, they're crippling full body. And it, I had vodka. It's'cause I had vodka, so I was like, it's fine. Like I know what I've done. Let me sit in it. Let me sit. But I was feel for you, not that you need to be entertained. He's like, he's just chilling. But I was like, at the same time, like I was like this Cape experience and I'm like, this. Comatose on the beach, but it was fine. It'd be all right. Somebody get her a sub. Yeah. But we went out, we had Really? Oh, I did. But we went to Banderas that morning and and they have the best sandwiches. We got a nice Turkey sub there. Good. It was sleigh, but no, it was fine. We, we rotted, we went out at night. We went to like chapins, we went to the sandbar. We just bopped and I had the best time. And then on Sunday we had a discussion on the way home about something. Oh. Because we were gonna go on a whale watch. We ended up going on a whale watch. Thank God. Couldn't handle that. I really did not want to. He loves whales. Oh, okay. It's loves whales. I love that for him. And so like, he's like, wait, I've never like, loves a good nature dog. Kind of a nerd in that way. Like a secret nerd. He loves that show. Like alone mm-hmm. Where they send you out that like, loves that shit. So I was like, we can go on this, this whale watch. He like didn't realize that was a thing. And we justt up doing it, which thank God it was like four hours long. But I was like, there's a bar on the boat. I'm fine. Like I'll go with you. But like just now, but also for the greater good, we probably would've been cut off at the bar. Like, what else are we gonna do on a boat for four hours? Like when we see a whale for watch the whales gone. There's like five minutes of whales. Like we would've come off drooling. I don't know. Look at the scenery. Be one with fucking nature. Why did any, why does anyone else go on one of those? I don't know. There was a bar that's all that mattered, but on the way home. So we were talking about like, I was like, yeah, you used to have to go on whale watches all the time in high school, blah, blah, blah. And then I was like, wait, like,'cause you're passing Plymouth. I'm like, you ever seen Plymouth Rock or know what Plymouth Plantation is? He's like, no. So I'm like, oh, you don't know Plymouth Rock? Like. Hyping it up. You did not hype this man up on purpose to have him just be totally let down. It was wicked nice out that Sunday. I was like, let's man, and then we had sat in traffic for a wicked long time, so I was like, let's just get out. Let's break up the trip. Yeah. And he like likes it. He's like, oh yeah, sure, whatever. So we park in a, I'm like, I think it's fine to park here. We park there we go for a stroll. I like videoed him. Well, I'll show you. I videoed him walking up to the rock. He looks at it, he gets over and he looks down. He goes, yeah, it's, it's, it's a rock. It's fucking rock. And he looks at me and he looks back over and he sees there's a camera above it and he goes, what? Someone gonna fucking steal it? And then that was it. He was just like, great, keep it moving. Let's get, get a drink. And then we went and got Bloody Mary. It is the most underwhelming thing you'll ever look at. Yeah. And it's not also the Rock either. No, it's not at all. But I was like, look, it's the Mayflower 2.0. He's like, great. So we went and saw the Mayflower 2.0, then we got a Bloody Mary and then he had a big fat parking dick. No. Oh, poor man's. No, we had a great, great old day. Which also brings me up to the topic. This whole trip reminded me like, you know how people sometimes are just like weird? Like how do you navigate? And I can't use the word because you know how I feel about the word, but like if you're gonna shake your pants, like on like technically we're newer, right? Like so how do you tell your significant other that you're about to shake yourself? Yeah. Like not, I'm not asking, I'm just saying like,'cause I have a friend that is literally married and is still, hasn't. I think that's someone who's never had an emergency. I, I suppose so. I think most people would also rather not like, do a deep dive on it. Yeah. Just like let go. But there are some cases where like it's, it's not up for de debate or discussion. Yeah. And emergencies are happening in the mo Yeah. It's just like, we just have to be honest. Like we have to let our, we just have to let the people know because it's just like, I've also seen, have you seen those tiktoks of like couples who go to Mexico and they get a stomach bug and they're sharing the be like, there's nothing you can do about that. Yeah. But also at the same time, I feel like he ain't the one if, like, you can't just let your flag fly. Like you're about to have his drive. Oh, you can't be, I a hundred percent agree. If you can't be honest, honest about your shitting schedule and you're about to literally give birth to a human child and probably shit while you do it, what are we doing here? I agree. So I was thinking about that on my, my trip because I think. I don't really think I said anything at all. Like we've talked about it before because he's like, I'm just, he's just like very like, oh yeah, you're very open about it. Yeah. Like to an extent. But it's just like weird. Like I would never rip ass in front of him ever. I'm like, no, it's funny.'cause I'll be like, no, I'm a lady, I don't talk about that or do that, but like I'm not a fucking lady. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? But like with that, like that's just like gross. I would Yeah. A lady of the night, you got that right. I know that's right. But do you know what I mean? Like there's a line and like that's my line. I just like wouldn't Yeah. I think that's fair. I think that's fair.'cause one is more casual. One is like I have no control and I actually need medical attention. Yeah. Or I'll just pick on passing away. Sometimes I like will say like, I think that's smart. I think you go, I need you to leave for 10 minutes and not look me in the eye. Yeah. Yeah. That only happened to me once where I was like, oh this is like kind of annoying. Like, and I was when we were gonna bed and he was like, I'm gonna brush my teeth. I was like, yeah, can you actually go do that?'cause I'm honestly gonna shoot my pants. And he started dying laughing and I was like, just when else am I supposed to put, I think that's fair. Yeah, I think that's fair. And then he was like falling asleep and I was like, I'll be right back. And then he was like, do you need support? And I was like, obviously kidding. And I was like, no, he has not a fucking problem. Not a God problem in the world. I mean, he's a plumber, Colleen, if anyone is desensitized. Literally figuratively. Emotionally. I realized I was dating my father and he was like, when he was like, do you need to use the bathroom for the next, for the next few minutes? And I was like, I like blinked.'cause I was like, that's what my dad does. Like my dad will be like, does anybody need the bathroom? And it's like. No. Like why do you need to ask? That's how you know, because he's about to go in and blow it up. Is that why he's asking? Essentially? Yeah. Oh, my dad does the exact same thing to the point where me and mom are like, you just don't need to to, to ask. You don't have to announce it. Yeah. Like, it's not like, it's like him saying it without saying it. And he did that and I just was like this after I was like, holy shit. I'm literally dating my father. I do believe in husband and wives or any sort of combo partner. Yeah. Having separate bathrooms. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I do believe in that. I would agree. I need, and not only for like shitting or whatever, I just mean I wanna like do my makeup and be at peace at a counter and be at peace. Yeah. And I don't wanna do it in your smelly gross ass bathroom. Yeah. Men are just gross. Men are gross. But I just, I had those thoughts and I was like, how do other people navigate this? Not that I need to know. I like, feel, I would tell them, let us know. Write it in. I would tell'em whatever, but like not, I just, I wouldn't want to but it gun to my head. Of course I would. I wouldn't care. So I was recently on a date. Yeah. Don't worry, it doesn't work out. But I was recently on a date and something got brought up where the guy said to me, my biggest fear is getting sick and having to take a shit, like while on a date at a girl's house. And I was like, I just, I Maybe it's through travel and like you just get sick. Like people get sick all the time. Yeah. It is what it's, people have IBS like. Things don't hit right. Yeah. It is what it is. I personally travel with a little pack of things and not just for shitting, but like anything list from to to Pepto Bismol. Like anything that could go wrong, I kind of always have something on me. Yeah. And I was like, you do not have to worry about that. If you got sick at my apartment, I have things that would help you and I would leave you alone. Mm-hmm. Like it's a part of being a human being. Yeah. No. You know what I mean? Things aren't gonna hit. So I think it's normal, but I also like that you're not just out here aiming them at him know. Yeah. Like, can we just like stop, like can we, is there a happy medium? So that's what I think. I'm in the happy medium. Yeah. What's the happy medium of farting and shitting in front of your significant other? Please let us know. Yeah. We'll do a poll. Yeah. Like why do men rip ass so loud? Like I, it's just loud. I think it's because they finally find a moment and I think they've been holding it in the whole time. And so when they do, it's just the next town over can hear it. It echoes. It echoes through the walls to the window, to the wall. Oh my God. I woke up I have one really nice air conditioning that is on and doing the Lord's work right now because it is literally 95 degrees in Boston today. So if you can hear it in the background, I apologize. We would suffocate without it. Yeah, no, I'm not sorry at all. The other air conditioning is the hose you put outside the window. There was a skunk in my driveway today. No, Bridget. And all of a sudden I'm like, why does my froom smell like weed? The Gigi gge? No. A skunk. No, I know, but they smell the same. No, they do not. Yes, I do. You think marijuana? Yes. In a whole ass gunk. They, yes, they have summer smells. Look it up. I completely disagree. Like 100%. I don't think, I think good weed you buy with my full chest dispensary. 10 toes down, no toes missing. Disagree. I think it's a fact I also have a terrible I sense of smell. I, no, I think weed, like good weed that you buy a dispensary doesn't, but like, if you like back, like in high school, like got the, like weed from wherever it smells like skunk. Yes. Skunk spray and some types of cannabis can have a remarkably similar scent. Here's why. Mm-hmm. VSCs volatile sulfur compounds, both skunk spray and certain cannabis strains produce powerful pungent odors due to the presence of VSCs. Okay. So there's like a whole thing about it that's crazy to me. I have nothing to say on that matter other than a skunk smells way, way, way, way, way worse to me. Indeed. And so when the, the hose was pumping in cold air with, with the smell of the skunk, the sunk, the skunk we had, we had to shut it off and come into the living room. We needed peace. That's fair. There, there, sometimes there's just no piece to be found. It's 5 45. We, we can't be out here starting the day with skunk. We can't. It's not allowed. Or we could, no, it's not allowed. Okay. Anything else to add? Piggybacking on my popcorn situation. Sure. So due to my ravenous drunkenness snacking, I must have what I think is a kernel that was like back where my wisdom teeth were. Oh. And all of a sudden stuck. I started, I didn't feel it, I didn't think there was anything there. And then all of a sudden I started having skin, like grow over my, my, my molar. Oh. And I was like, what the fuck is it? Like it hurt. And I couldn't chew on that side. So I like texted my dental hi digest friend and I sent her a video of my mouth and I was like, what the fuck is this? And she was like, oh, you have something underneath that's gr it's literally growing over it. And I was like, so that's fucking disgusting. So then I had to buy a syringe and do warm salt water. And something must've was, must've been a kernel from me being like, like a fucking wildebeest. I'll tell you what. So I'm still on the Invisalign train. Mm-hmm. We're about four months into nine. I can't wait for it to be over. Time is still passing, which is good. It's not that long though. People have those on for years. Yeah. I don't love it. Yeah. I don't love it. I've definitely found a better. Tempo. Mm-hmm. Like at first I was really fucked, not down. I was like, what in the fuck is this? And because I was cutting my gums flossing, I bought the bristle ones that you love. They look like little Christmas trees. I love them. Have saved my life. Good. I'm glad to hear that. Well, because they also shave your teeth down and shave space, so it makes space as your teeth move. So things are getting stuck in areas they've never gotten stuck in, in my life. Like you have new gaps in your teeth. Oh, so you'll just be eating and you can feel like if I eat broccoli, there is a forest in between my teeth and I'm just sitting at dinner trying not, you know how you can feel one thing in your tooth and it's Yes. Imagine that happening seven times in your mouth at once. No, I like, would hyper fix it on it. So I, I carry them everywhere with me. 10 outta 10 would recommend to a friend. Okay. Nice. And when you buy the good ones, I have the littles grocery store. They come with a little case and it fits four. So I put four in there. And then I, I have my little travel set. Who, she travels. She travels. I do travel with the little grip ones as well as pussy wipes, just in case, you know, you just wanna feel refreshed. I think that's important. Yeah. Refresh the PUIs. Like for who? I don't know no one, but you know what? We need to be wearing more cotton underwear. We need to be letting her breathe. I don't under buying those wipes. You don't wear underwear at all? I'm not usually. I don't have mine right now. Oh, okay. Yeah. I had a friend ask me recently. So when you say Colleen gets naked in your living room, like you're, you're like being facetious, like you're joking and I'm like, n. N no, literally not a stitch of clothing on facing me, looking me dead in the eye with her hands by her sides. Like the Red Rum twins in the shining stork, naked Sterk stor. Anything else happen to you recently? Oh, I have my big court date for my speeding ticket tomorrow. Oh, are you prepared? Yes. I went to the guys at work and I said, am, what do I do? Do I cry? What, what is the t here do I The fact that the second question was, do I cry? Well, how do I, I'm like, do you think they'll see my license? And the like, the day after is my birthday. And they were like, probably. And I was like, do you think they'll feel bad for me? And they were like, no, no. They don't give a fuck. Call you. No, they did make some calls for me. Oh, that's kind of dumb. I did receive a call this morning that said, you just have to show up and be grateful, but you will get a lecture. Because they asked me, do you have any other tickets? And I said, no, I got plenty of warnings. I don't have any tickets. So when they called this morning, they were like miss Girl, you didn't tell us you had warnings. And I said, you asked me if I had any tickets. Not, anyway. You didn't ask the right question. It's not my fault. It's not my fault Mr. Officer. I know that's right. Listen, Mr. Sarah. So I'm gonna show up tomorrow in my dress, in my cute little headband and you're gonna be so wholesome. So, and you're gonna be so wholesome. Sorry. And so sorry for everything that you've done. And I'm gonna abide to the laws and the rules of the road from now on, and it's gonna be slay and I'm not gonna have my car insurance go up. Manifest that for me. Thank you. Fell into a spiral the other day. This is my last thing. I swear. I mean, we're not in a rush. No, I know. I just, you can inspire as much as you want. It's just like, it's starting to get selfless, like self selfless. Do you want me to add something in? Yes. To balance you out? Yes, but I give something. Oh, I have a bunch of things. Okay, cool. I'm a Pilates bitch now. Okay. I never thought I'd say those words. I did see your location somewhere. I didn't recognize that was a fit place the other day. I went to a Pilates place on Sunday morning at 8:00 AM Okay. I love it. What kind is it the reformer one? No. Oh, oh. Straight up like balls and weights. Oh, I love that. It is so fucking good. Please allow me to move my body as little as possible while I sweat to death and feel sore for three days. What a goddamn dream. I love this for you. I,'cause I don't need to be doing high intensity. No. Does I don't needs to be doing fucking burpees. No. No one fucking does. And for the longest time, like I've always loved Zumba but outside of that, like I would be doing these intense HIIT workouts for 50 minutes to an hour and killing myself. And I was like, this just doesn't feel right and I don't wanna go to spin. I get that people really like spin. I fucking hate biking. No. My vagina is sore for three days and I stop yelling at me. Why am I in a disco tech at 6:00 AM in the morning and you're screaming at me? No, I hate it. So I just haven't really found like my thing. I did like yoga. But not comp. Pilates is perfect. It's perfect with the weights, with the low intensity, but the high, do you know what I mean? Core? Yeah. I just, I really, really enjoy it. So I've been doing class pass Love Pilates, been doing that a lot. The Idaho trial with the victim impact statements. What? Holy fucking shit. If you have not watched the victim impact statements at Brian Kohlberg's trial, gasping Jaws were on the floor. If you could just do me a favor and watch Olivia Gonzalvez Absolutely. Read this Man to fucking filth. Hang it in the Louvre. If it wasn't so tragically horrible, I want, I would want it printed out. Like, it would be like the Ron, like the letter from Jersey Shore. Yeah. I would want what she wrote on a t-shirt. And the way she speaks to him is exactly how he deserves to be spoken to. Like, she, it's not worse. Yeah. She did an interview and she was like, I was planning on getting arrested that day. A bunch of us were the, the way these families got up, I couldn't and spoke to him, couldn't. I couldn't. I was in awe of it. Just How did you speak to him without wanting to crawl across the table and just scratch his fucking eyes? Oh my God. One of the dads are like, I hope you can feel my energy, man.'cause like I, you can just tell, he's like, I wanna leap over this fucking desk and pummel you to death. Yeah. And Brian Coberg has no expression on his face whatsoever. Such a fucking sociopath. How do you be his mother and sister and sit in the courtroom? I would not show my face. I couldn't show up. I wouldn't, I don't know. I was thinking about them the other day because I do feel, I know we did Rex Herman recently and we felt bad for the fan, and I do feel bad for his wife and kids like I do. They didn't know. And so a part of me is like, if that were my sibling, you know what I mean? Yeah. But I don't know. No, I truly don't know. It's how I feel about defense attorneys. I'm like, how? How? I don't think I would go, I don't think if that was you. I don't, I wouldn't. I'm sorry. I wouldn't. Okay. Well that's rude and personal. No, but like I get it. If you killed four people, like in cold blood while they slept, like children, basically, I would not, wouldn't. I couldn't do it. I think I'd dissociate from you if you're, yeah, I think that's fair. That's all. I think I'm okay with that. Yeah. I think you would do the same thing for me if I was like, Bridget, I just killed four innocent people. You'd be like WTF. No. Yeah, that's totally fair. Love Island, uk. Yeah. The worst season of television I've ever seen in my life. I haven't watched it, so I'm just saying that I am so disappointed. Like I actually might not ever watch it again. None of them like each other. The villa is completely split in half. I simply do not have the words to describe this guy, Harry. He shouldn't even be allowed on the show. That's how awful he is. Like there should be a slaughter rule where if you are such a prick for such an extended period of time, you don't, you actually get kicked out because all of these people are Instagram influencer, TikTok influencers, I hate that, who want brand deals. And these, these people get out of this villa and get brand deals like, I'm sorry. You should not be rewarded. You should not be given a platform. You should not be allowed to have a podcast like you're a misogynistic fucking prick. Like I just cannot. Harrison awful. Deje, Dejan and Meg cannot. Deon Mustard. I really like Cash. Connor and Ty kind of holding on the fort. I like Megan. But if you told me early days that I was hoping Yasmine would win, who I fucking hated at the beginning, I would've laughed in your face. And I, Jamie seems really nice though, but like Tony and Shakira have grown on me a bit, but both of them have driven me insane. The girls aren't nice to each other. The guys aren't nice to the women. The women are literal doormats. He Helena. What are, what brain cells do you have left? Like, and it's constant. It's not just, oh, they fucked up one time. It's like the 13th time and they're still taking it. Yeah. Like at what point do we just grow a fucking backbone? And it just makes me so sad because I think on a scale of one to 10, I rated USA of six after that episode. When we recorded, I was like, it's actually more of a three or a four. This season of Love Iron UK is a one. Damn. It's the worst season of television I've ever seen. That's crazy. I have not watched it once and now I show, and that's my favorite. Outside of RuPaul's Drag Race, that's probably my favorite show on television. I cannot believe how far we've fallen. I don't know if it's this generation. I don't know if it's because of the people that they're hiring. I think it is, it's the influence everyone wants to be in on it for the fact that they see the clout that the people are getting in their office. It's awful. No one's in it for love. What happened to, I came here for love. I love that song. I know. No, they're like cruel to each other. It's really, really unwatchable. I know a bunch of my friends have just stopped. I'm seeing it through.'cause I'm hoping something happens. Mm-hmm. But I know a bunch of people who are like, oh no, I didn't even make it half the season. That's how bad it is. Oh, I won't even start at then. Nevermind. I wouldn't recommend the YDM cruise. I was such a hater. Wait, pause while you're on Love Island. Just to my brain. Have you been seeing the tea Above Love Island? UUSA what's been going on with Kenny? Oh, they broke up and Janae. Yeah, they're going way back and forth on Instagram. Like, oh my God. What's happening? Oh, they're popping off. I can read one of the stories to you. Am I allowed to? Oh yeah. Just tell me what the fuck is happening. Okay. I thought they were madly in love. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, look at that. Someone just sent me a Deir post. Okay. Anonymous, please. Subject janae and Kenny, allegedly thet on the breakup is that she found Tex on Kenny's phone about his plan to stay with her for business slash clout text with friends calling her racist names, which aligns with both Leah and Serena's statements, calling him a clout chaser and a racist. Oh, and hold on. Hold on. A full year though. Like a full year. Leah commented on. Oh my God. This is like, this is in real time. IRL Well, it's gonna be, be late to everybody else, but No, I know. Yeah. Leah commented on one of it must be, it's either an Instagram or a TikTok. It must be of. Kenny posting Miguel, and she commented, delete my man off your page, you clout demon. How about you delete my man off your page instead of deleting my comments. Oh. And get her girl. She posts Janae posted like, shut the fuck up like a black screen. Words, shut the fuck up. You manipulative liar. You're not taking accountability and telling people the type of person you really are. And it's insane to me. My first statement was me being nice. Do not piss me off. Oh girl. And Leah drag him, reposted it and wrote Kenny put a sock in it. Chat. GPT, head ass tell the truth for once. Racist, clout, money hungry, and a scammer since day one and trying to make it wow. Like it's something. It's not, don't worry. Our nay is blessed and highly favored. I mean, why? So this just happened on Love Island UK where a girl got sent in in Casa More and she left a friend a voice note that was like, Hey, I'm gonna stick with Tommy. Everyone seems to like him and I think it will get me to the end. Yeah. Why do people not think that money will turn even your closest friend? Like, I know we all think that our, our best, our besties will never do that. If you have something that piping hot, someone's gonna spill it. And your friend, it could not even be your friend. It could be your friend, shared it with someone else gone. The minute, the minute more than one person knows it's over. I agree. So that's the tea there. Sorry, I just insert that. So why does he think behaving like that in, in clearly talking about it in multiple platforms? Like what? What do you think is gonna happen? You're just gonna be become public enemy number one. I'll tell you what, Sierra is praising the gods right now. Kenny just did that because she needs to get off of TikTok as well. My good Lord, girl. It's too much. It's too much. Give it up. She's like, I didn't go on a podcast because I really just wanted to come on my social media and clear things up. Bitch, you weren't invited. You weren't invited on any of the podcasts. No one wants to hear from you. No, no, no, no. In your like six part series about how I can't, I can't. These influencers are too much. She had a literal, a violent theme, birthday party, hate. Did you know that? Oh yeah. And her friends, it was a surprise. And her friends threw it for her and she said she came outta the villa and everyone was like, oh, she's media trained. And she was like, I thought that's how good I was handling everything. But it's because people think I'm calculated. Bitch, can we just go back to the days of hiring normal ass people? Like someone with a little bit of role, maybe a girl with, I don't know, a stretch Mark Amaya, Papa pies. Like, yeah, just your normal, wholesome, lovable, relatable ass people. Yeah. No notes. Give us the Amaya, Papa Papas of the world, please. A hundred percent. Okay. So I went on A YDM cruise. It was Yeehaw, EDM. That's just like not two things I would put together. And I was such a hater, I'm not gonna lie. We bought these tickets two months ago. I was like, this is gonna be the dumbest shit on the planet. But to all my college friends, Sarah came out. Yep. It was Jessie and Orrin and Rosie. It was such great company and I was like, okay, I'll just have a drink and dance and like, who cares what the music is? It is the most fun thing I've ever done in Boston. Really? It was two and a half hours during Sunset. It was seven to nine 30. It was all country music, but popular shit. So like Sha boozy miles on it. Fucking Country girl. Shake it for me with a dj. It was so much fun. It was busy enough where it was packed, but there was no line for the bathroom or the bar and space to play so much space to, to play except for the very end where a drunk girl was quite literally falling all over the dance floor and bumping into all of us. And we were like Miss Girl. She was trying to stay on beat and she was so off the beat and we were just, and then she was trying to like laugh and joke with us and I was like, please stop touching me. Yeah, icky. And I'm a girl's girl. Like I, but she was such a level of drunk that even when we were drunk, we were like, oh, you're, you need to go home. You need to go home. It was so much fun. We actually looked up if there are more for the rest of the summer that we can do. Polly D is apparently doing one, but it's sold out. Naturally, but I, he's always fucking here. I cannot recommend it enough. If you see some sort of like DJ boat cruise in Boston, it was the perfect weather. It was during the sunset. You go under all the planes landing at Logan Airport, so they are on top of you. The music was great. We danced the night away. I peed a bunch of times without waiting in line, like 10 out of motherfucking 10. It's better than any bar I've been to recently. I love that. I was shocked. We were on the top deck where the sunset is happening, right? It's all outside. And I looked at them and I went, oh my God, you guys, fuck, I think I like it here. I was like, shit, damnit. How did I end up liking the YDM cruise? How did we get here? In what land? In what world? I'm 34. What the fuck? Damn. Are you gonna be 35? I'm about to be 35. Yeah. I like didn't know that Someone actually asked me how old you were the other day. So it's like math and I, no, I know. I just like, no, it's, here's what it is in my brain. Everyone is stuck at an age and they, they just cannot grow from that age for me. Okay. And what age is that? 31. Me? Mm-hmm. 31. I mean, yeah. I'm, I'm definitely younger at heart. Yeah. Than the, like you are not 35, like you are 31 in my brain. I just don't think I'll ever act my age and I'm proud of it. Like I just don't think I'll ever be some. 40, 50 plus year old, like at home knitting. Yeah. Like I just think I'm always gonna be a lunatic. I agree. In the best way, but like, you're not even a lunatic. You're just like normal. No, I just mean fun. Like, I'm always gonna seek out new places, new people, new things, new food, new. I'm always gonna drink. Like, I'm always just gonna have fun. Yeah. It's my goal in life to live just like a big, beautiful, fun life. And so I just can't ever see me sitting at home like a spinster. Yeah. Being like, well, TWI twiddling, it's after 8:00 PM so I can't make it. I'm like, no, bitch. You wanna go to the north end at 9:00 PM at night just to have an espresso martini? Let's fucking go. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Amen. And you're about to be 28. Amen. I've been telling people I'm 28 actually, like for like two years I think by accident. Oh, okay. How do you feel about turning 28? I feel good. The food runner at my work who's like 17, thought I was 22. And that really made me feel good. Hot. Yeah. Love it. Except like 22 is kind of a dick, but whatever. You know, like it's just like that's you're annoying when you're 22. Like me saying like, you're like 31 instead of 35 is like, oh, that's a sleigh. But like me saying I someone thought I was 22. 22 is immature. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, ew, big. Ew. It's fine. There are 22 year olds out there that are like whole ass parents, so whatever. And here I'm, that's true. Yeah. I fell into a, a spiral on Etsy of like vintage antique items. I have issues. I don't know why. It's like a new hyper fixation of mine. Okay. I ordered a vintage uh, perfume bottle with the. Oh, the little puff so sexy. She, she just squeezed almost like the ball. Yeah. Sorry, I keep forgetting that this is, you know, an audio not a visual. I'm so sorry. Yeah. The little puff on the end, I forget there's a term for it, but all I know is I am a fucking obsessed and I keep adding things to the cart. Like I had like a gold super heavyweight, like hand mirror and brush, but like, it wasn't a brush brush. It looks like it literally could be for a horse. I'm like, no. I literally need that. Like, I, I can't. Oh, Colleen. No. Like I'm spiraling. You don't literally need that. No, we do. But you know what I found that you will appreciate. Okay. Fucking Belle from beauty and the piece. Yeah. He keeps man keeps telling me like every time I buy something new, my room is starting to look like the characters from Belle from Beauty. Oh.'cause you bought those fucking candelabras. I love them. I love them. I have to light them for like two seconds so they get the drips. Please do not set your house on fire. No, I won't. Your apartment was not built for candelabras. No. I hate to tell you this. No, but they're just for show. But I really want like, the old school sconces sco. Why did you say it like that? Just, I don't know. He won't lemme buy them though. He's like, you literally don't need those. I was like, do you don't need that? Well, I have a blank spot that's perfect for them right now with a little fake candle. Sickening. I just want, I just want my house to look like that. I don't know. You just need to move into the haunted mansion already. No. Yeah, yeah. No, I would thrive there. You just want the house from practical magic with like more vintage. Yeah. I love a good vintage vibe. Yeah. He's like, are you actually a hundred years old? Like a hundred? I'm like, yes. Yes. Again, give me a, give me a, what are they called? Not a pet coat. Petcos for the band, whatever. The gown, the corset, the whole thing. Whatever. Yeah. Any who? But guess what I did find? Tell me old Martha Stewart books, cookbooks. Oh, you did? For cheap. They're like, did you find an og? Yeah, there's plenty. There's so many. Oh my God. So fucking many. And like, the old, like better, like when you think of like, maybe not your kitchen.'cause your mom didn't really cook, I feel like, but do you feel like, I don't know. I didn't wanna be und cook. Put she put mail in the oven because she knew she never turned around and she wanted the counters to look clean. No, no. I know, I know. But I thought like that oven didn't get touched. Dan was out on the grill making hot dogs every night. So no, as as he should. Fiona texted us earlier, was like, there's extra hot dogs and watermelon from the cookout in the fridge. I'm like, oh, treat myself. Anyw. Who, what was I saying? You were talking about Oh, better Homes and Gardens. Like the books? Yes. Like the, the Martha Stewart. I think like the vintage ones that have that they're like gingham colored. You see what I'm talking about? Yeah. Like that. Oh, so many of them. I'm literally just like, wanna buy, I just wanna buy so many old books and put them where, I don't know. I don't know. Girl. I'm obsessed between wants and needs. No, that's a need at this point. It's, it's coming up to need Sydnee Sweeney. I'm so sick of her. Wait, quick pause. Also sick of Sydnee Sweeney. Me and my friends bought tickets to our Red Sox game because with the Red Sox game Oh. Too. On my actual birthday. I love that. Of August 6th comes with a free Red Sox hat with hot dogs all over it. And I've never needed something more in my whole life. Say less. K Karen was like, what section are you guys in? I want, I was like, Karen honey, we're we're gonna be on the Budweiser deck. Yeah. We're we are not, we're not going to sit next to each other. No, we're we're going to the bar honey. And we're going to get a Red Sox hat with hot dogs on it. That's the goal. Just to be clear, she was like, oh, so if it, my seat's not, I was like, we're never gonna sit down. Don't worry about it. She was like, gotta cut. Perfect. Perfect. I meant to, it's you on that. Maybe I will join. Okay. I would love that. But I also know we're hanging out the literally very next night, so very little pressure on your part. Okay. But you have to pick one or you're dead to me. Why can't I pick both? Why? Why can I pick list dose? I love if you would pick both. Okay. Sydnee sweetie must stop. No, she has to stop. It's too much. The ad that I saw the other day did jeans Disgusting. Sorry. Fucking knock it off. It's too, it's it's giving like, pick me. No, it's like, she's like cheapening herself in a way. Like, not cheapening. I don't wanna Yeah. Cheap. Yeah. Go Is Chanel like, you're a good, not even the brands, I just mean like you are an an actress. No one's gonna like, I'm not, I'm taking you less seriously. You mean her personal brand? Yes. Yes. A hundred percent. Like a hundred percent. What are we doing? I don't even care about the, no, I'm not a fan. The sexualizing or whatever is like whatever. I don't give a fuck about that. But like, just like the brand, like why are you acting like an influencer that will take any brand deal? Well, I didn't love the way that her and Glen Powell handled their movie coming out. Anyone but you. Because Glen Powell had like a whole ass girlfriend and she had a whole ass fiance and they were basically playing up to the public and then it ended up being the worst movie I've ever seen. Yeah. I taught. I would say top 10 worst movies. It's the worst rom-com that's ever existed. Like, okay, cat, miss, and Pita. The only thing that came out of it that was good was Natasha Bedingfield. Mm-hmm. And if you know, you know, yep. Then she went on SNL and Bowen Yang, who I adore, said she was great. Said she was super cool and was like, no, make fun of my boobs. Make fun of my voice. Like I don't care. I'm all in. And I do like that, like people who lean into them getting made fun of. It's actually why I don't like a lot of celebrities, they just seem so outta touch and too like Okay. But like making fun of my boobs. Obsessed with their brand on the other side though. Yeah. Like taking everything too seriously and it's like, loosen the fuck up. Who cares? Yeah. I'm not a fan. I'm not a fucking fan. No, I don't like that. She's gone too far. I'm not here for it. You can do better Sydnee. Just like stop taking everything you can get. Like just be an actress. Like just you're a good actress. Just do that. Why do we, yeah. Stop doing cheap shit. Agreed. For the male gaze. It's gross. Or even for the money. I don't know what question mark. I know. Dunno what your finances looking like. I don't fucking know. I mean, who's to say I wouldn't, but you know what I mean? In the interim, I'm gonna judge my arm could be twisted. But also, how dare you? How dare you s Don, have you seen Tankini Are back Colleen? No, I'm serious. We have, we have lived. They're back and they're cute. Colleen. Bridget, you shit all over me. For years for having tanis. Yes. No, I did not. I have never sh I used to have tankini. I did not show. Shown you, we were tankini girls. Yes. I admitted to you as an adult. I had a tankini and you laid the fuck into me. Yeah, because I just thought you could let,'cause you could wear,'cause you could wear bikinis. So it's like why? No, I couldn't have, I I, I did. If I can anyone can, I wanna be clear. Everybody is a bikini body in that stage that I thought that's, that I was in, I was not comfortable wearing said bikini. Okay, well you get a cute one piece. But like the, the old tanis, but now the Newan Canis are cute. I'm glaring at her. I just need everyone to know. No, you can't see this visually, but I'm fucking glaring at her. Well, like the tankini with like the twisted front, like that's just like no. Like we, that's giving like we are 12 and we are chunky and our mothers put us in that. We don't need to wear those. This came limited Two, I squeezed my little sausage body into it. Yeah. Like we don't need to do those as adults is what I'm saying. Like take it, take it back. You know. But like the tankini that are coming out now, the tank, take back your swimwear, take it back. Not a bikini, but get, get ownership. Nice. Sexy. One piece. Do you sell like that? That was where I was coming from. So that's when I moved and I went to the one pieces. Yeah. And then I was like wearing straight up maternity shit because old school Betty and Boop, not before they were chopped. Yeah, yeah. Now we've progressed. Now I'm actually wearing bikinis'cause I feel more comfortable and I am hot as hell. Okay, so like for reference, let me just show you one that I might have just ordered, just like see what it looks like. Okay. Show me. I have to show you and I will share my honest thoughts. Lemme go to my car real quick. Hold on. Cousin to cousin. I don't know what it looked like on me. I just, I saw it and I thought, oh, this would also mind you, I'm really into like beach wear, not just bathing suits. Like I need, I love a good, a cute, wicked, cute coverup look because I always hated bathing suits on my body. So I found the need to overcompensate in other ways. That's why I always love shoes, jewelry, and hats. Yes. That's why I have so many shoes. Right. But I have wicked cute white linen pants. It's so many. Oh, right. So I have a shopping problem. Yeah. That's fucking clear. So order this one because with like white linen pants and like a cute, like beach hat. Adorable. Lemme show you how cute. Oh fuck. It is cute, right? They're coming back. Look at that shit. So describe it, it's almost like what girls are wearing to the bars as a tank top. Yeah. It's like a top with a bottom. Think like a tie top. Oh yeah. So middle bottom, the middle is open. It ties, but it flares out. It doesn't stick to the body. Yeah. It flares a little bit. It's a little baggy. Yeah. Like, Maggie's the wrong word. I could, no, it's loose. I could very well hate it. We don't know. But I just wanted to give it a whirl. I also ordered this one just to see,'cause I think this one's tighter. Also, just as cute though. IMO in my opinion. Cute. Yeah. Okay. Just, just wanna give it to work. Give it whirl. Okay. Listen, a lot of things have come back. I bought a pair of flare jeans that are so fucking gorgeous the other day. Why didn't you tell me that you, I'm telling you right now. You went, okay. Fine, fine. They're the most be I was like, you would never catch me in these two years ago. But why though? That's where I can get behind.'cause it, I was just such a skinny jean girl till I died. And then I had more options. Like, I hate to say this, but, I hope people understand what I mean by this. My clothing options have expanded tenfold since I lost weight. Yeah. Yeah. The, the options when I was bigger to now are one. Would say one force. You can't really change your brain, your thought process when you're shopping. And I just, I want people to know, I get told a lot. No, it's confidence. Like you don't get treated differently. It's how you, it's it's actually fucking not. No, it's not. There's a huge, yeah, there is a part of it that's confidence. There's also a huge chunk of this that like this country's fat phobic and clothes aren't made for bigger women and seats or just bigger people in general. Seats on airplanes aren't bigger, made for bigger people. I can't get over how much more comfortable I feel sitting on an airplane doing anything, honestly. Doing, sitting on a bus, going to the movies, buying clothes, like things are easier, but I don't want it to sound like it solves all your problems. Do you know what I mean? Find that. No, it makes things a lot easier. Trying happy medium of like, I don't want, I don't want this to sound like, and also like we're not trying to like contradict ourselves either. How do we find the happy medium of this message? Do you, you think? I think there is no happy medium. I just think that anyone that's been in our position, which majority of the people listening, I feel like have, and if you haven't then I don't really care. Sorry. Like we're not like, yeah, that's fair. That's fair. I don't, I think if you been bigger and then you've gotten smaller, you can see the change. You, you witness it firsthand. Or if you've ever felt how we have felt, which majority people have so insecure about your body in whatever shape or form that takes. I put on these jeans and I felt like Bridget in Sisterhood of the traveling pants. Stop. Yeah. Bitch, I'm gonna try them on for you. After these jeans were made to fit my body, can I ask where you got them? So they were via Stitch Fix and they're a brand that I've bought in three other jeans from them and I absolutely love them. And I actually, if you give me one second, I will tell you the brand. You would like Jeans from Express?'cause I don't. I think I do. So that's where I used to exclusively buy my jeans. So the brand is Studio Blue. I now own multiple pairs of jeans from Studio Blue. I cannot recommend it enough. They last, I mean, I've had my other pair for two years. I bought in more in multiple colors. It feels like it was stitched for my body. Gorgeous. Can't I also love Levi's, oddly enough. Oh, love Levi. I mean Beyonce, Beyonce is the Levi spokesperson. Hello. I used to think they were made for like really skinny people with big butts, but that's actually not the case. I went to the outlets and I had a goddamn time a hundred percent. Also, I just have to say I just love being a woman so much. And when we went to Gillette for that concert, or Chris Stapleton, when I saw you and you had no shoes on. Yep. And you made that hot dog. Yep. On the dl. Yep. Very on brand for you. Mm-hmm. I was walking around and I'm trying to find new jean shorts that I like, the way they fit me. I have dark, but I want ripped ones. Yeah. Like I want new ripped ones, cute light ones because I have, I have boyfriend ones. Mm-hmm. And so I'm walking around and I see a girl with the cutest jean shorts on, and I go up to her and I go, I just have to tell you, we never exchanged names. I said, I just have to tell you, I fucking love your shorts. Can you tell me where you got those? This woman. Broke down the outlets that she goes to, how much she spends. And she was like, let me tell you what I do. And she was like, you can buy these for 15 bucks. Let me, and she goes to rent them. And she's like, I go, I go on this date at this time and I beat the traffic and I go, I park here. And I walked away from that, like, I'm not gonna do any of that. But I walked away from that and I was like, I hope every time you put a coat on, you find 20 bucks in it. I literally hope the next time you're in a rush, you hit every green light, you are an angel. And we walked away from each other. She was like, I hope you have the best time. And we walked away. I don't know this woman's name, I don't know where she's from. I don't even remember her face to be totally honest with you. I angel like just being able to do that. I don't know if you've ever seen the TikTok of the girls in the apartment in New York and they yell outside like, Hey, and these group of girls look up and she goes, do I need to wear a jacket? Is it cold? Yeah. Like, and they're like, no, you'd be fine. Just throw something like that. Girlhood experience is just the fucking best. Agreed. I had a girl's girl moment, like waiting in line for a hot dog the other night at uh, another hot dog. Oh, well, two confessions. It's the summer of the hotdog. So in the same night I did in fact wait for a hot dog, dero it, and also paid$20 for a cigarette. I did fan down a man, one single cigarette. So I was like, I will give you$20 for one single cigarette. And he was like, Colleen, we must do better than this. So he gave me four and then I gave him the 20. And his girlfriend was like, you'll give her that money back. And he was like, yeah, yeah, of course. Like, as if he was like gonna do it on his own. He's like definitely younger than me. I'd say he was probably like, maybe like 18 or 19. But like me and Fiona were feeling feral after a concert. Why were you asking an 18-year-old for cigarettes? Probably because the, the first one I saw, well actually Fiona sniffed it out and was like, there's a cigarette. And I was like, we are, we were feral. It was after the Riley Green and Ella Langley concert at MGM. Love a concert at MGM by the way. Oh yeah. By Fenway. Yeah. Such a good venue. Such a good venue. There's no bad seats. No bad spots I should say.'cause there's no seats. Gerald Mission had a grand old time. You just said that so fast. Oh, did I tell you? I told Tracy about the podcast that we talked about her and she goes, I have to listen to your cousin on 0.75. I'm so sorry because you talk so fast, Tracy. I'm literally so sorry. I was like, yeah, I we we move quick. No, for Tracy. I'll talk slower. No, no, no. You, you be you. Tracy, Tracy. Tracy's a whip turn, not the detention room of hairspray. Anyway, so she she got you your money back. Yeah. And then we smoked the cigarettes of course. And then we had a hot dog after. It was a fucking dream moment. I was gonna say, what a delight. A concert And we was, took just a pay cab. You took another, you fucking love a drunk and petty cab'cause it DC and I'm like, get, I can't call an Uber right now. I will give you 20, 25 bucks. Gimme as far away from here as you can. And then I have a grand old time doing it. I'm out walking. I'm not paying a hundred dollars for fucking Uber. And then I get to my spot to wherever the night, wherever he drops us off. And where did he drop you? Near like Dylan's in back Bay. Okay. So it's better. I wasn't gonna walk. I was talking and you, my boots were tired. I was gonna say, my dogs were barking. The dogs were barking. I will say the Uber was probably much cheaper too. Yeah, that's exactly, that was, that was the goal. I'm surprised you didn't end up in Loretta's. Line was fucking out the ass too long, too long for me. I'm too old. I'm tired. Did I ever tell you about the time where I was dating a guy and we went to a Red Sox game, and on the way out, I said, I'm gonna pee my pants. I have to pee. And it was right when the game ended and he was like, okay, I'll wait for you and then we can go to Loretta. Yeah. Or no, he wanted to go to Jillian's. Oh. And when I came outta the bathroom, he'd left me there and he had just gone to Jillian's and like ordered a round of shots for these strangers. And I couldn't find him and he wouldn't answer his phone. And I was like, oh my God, did I just get left at Fenway? Oh my God. I would've left him. And I went, he texted me, I'm at Jillian's, where are you? And I was like, I was in the, you left me while I went pee. Like, where drunk you left the girl you're on a date with? And so then I got to the bar and I was like, why would you do that? And he started to fight with me. And I was like, oh, I'm over 30. I don't fight with men at bars. No. Yeah. I don't know what you're trying to do here. Ew, that's such an egg. But I accidentally got in the Loretta line. Oh. Because I thought I was going. And then halfway through, I, I had waited like 10 minutes and then I looked a line. I'm like, there's no fucking way. This is for Jillian. No it wasn't. Thankfully. But that line gets. Crazy. Oh yeah, it's legit. It's, there's no need. Oh, I used to love Lansdown Pub. I went to Lansdown before and it was like, just like the tables were all out. I was like, no, get these tables outta here. Get me a live person and let put my pussy. Yes. But it's, it was fine. It was okay. It was fine. No, get the fucking tables out. Was it a weekday? You know, it was a Friday night. It was a fucking, I was the fucking tables out of here. I was ship to my core and we're gonna a concert right across the road. That's what, that's what we do. Anyways, I was in the line for the hot dog, the whole point of the story that I forgot. Yeah. Oh, sorry. Back to that. No, I'm sorry. I whole, and there was girls younger than me, they were probably like 16, 17 ish. And they were waiting in line, like giggling and they were trying to get a good photo and they had a really old digital camera. And I'm like, SIS, I got the digital camera from 2011. I know the angles. It's too dark here. You're in the light. And they kept trying to take pictures and I kept seeing the shitty pictures coming out and I said, swirly, gimme that. And I said, get to the, get to the darkness. Get to get, I love this. Move this back a little bit more. Get your, so I got a couple angles, got them in the darkness, whatever. And then the lady, the woman that had a beard behind the fucking counter of the hot dog stand was like, ladies, who's next? And I could've easily cut them. And I said, swirly, you're next. Don't mind me. And they were like, oh my God. And they kept being like, swirly. I'm like, yeah, take, take the name and le and go be at peace with it. Great. Regina George wore army pants and flip flops. So I wore army pants and flip flops and they were just like, thank you so much. And I was just like, is no one nice to you in your generation? Like, just wondering, just wondering. Okay. Should we do a seventh inning stretch? Yes. A one, a two, A 3, 4, 5. So my stretch is a legit stretch, like mother has to pee. Um, We have to talk about the Amy Lynn Bradley doc. It is so good. What do you think happened to her? I, that's one of those stories you've done that's really stuck with me. Oh, that story has Mara Murray. I'm so glad her Marra Murray to me. Like, I'm glad that it the views and like the, not the clout, but you know what I'm trying to say, like the, yeah. The viewing that it deserved and like the, the attention it's getting right now. Love that. I keep seeing it fucking everywhere, and I'm like, yeah, get on the Amy Lynn Bradley train. Right. Yeah. I, I, I know that she's alive, but she is, she's just like, she simply is. There's way too much information that says otherwise that like, it's beyond a reasonable doubt for me. That picture like, come on. So here are my thoughts. At first, I think she was alive. I do not believe she is alive anymore. There was too many people who had seen her and not even just been like, oh, I think I saw her positively identifying her by looks, by tattoos. Like the guy on the beach who said, I saw that tattoo. Like, that's such a specific, that Tasmanian devil, it's a way too specific. It's so specific, the picture that was sent to her family. I just think if you're someone out there and you doctored that photo, you deserve to rot in the fiery pits of hell. I, I just, what's so hard about stories like that is the, you just don't know. She could be, she couldn't be. Is she just trying to be free and live as a lesbian? Is she, did she fall off and then you see the girlfriend tell her aspect of it where she's like, I'm stranded at sea. And it's the message in the bottle. And of course with hindsight being 2020, is that connected? I personally think the crews. Director in the, the head of the ship. What's his name? I don't remember his name. Do you know who I'm talking about? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought he was so insensitive about it. I agree. I can't get over the insensitivity. I know there are thousands of people on this ship, but you are actively letting a, a crime scene go, go to waste all because you just think this person committed suicide. You just wanna brush it under the rug so everyone else can enjoy their vacation. She's a human being. She's the daughter of like, them having to go home without her and just be like, well, I guess we'll go. And that brother being like, yeah, I nodded to her. She was at the top of the ship. I walked back, we hung out. We were on the, the dad being like, I woke up. I saw her laying there. Yeah. You know, the bass player. There's obviously something not right with that. Yeah. I don't think a daughter comes out of the woodwork and calls her dad on speaker phone. You know what I mean? The whole thing just fell wrong. So devils advocate for like nine seconds. Like, what if the daughter just like wants some, like, you know what I mean? Yeah. That could be the case, but I don't want that to be the it, but like it was giving a little bit to me. No, but there was too many connections to it. Yeah. And usually it's exactly who you think it's, and there's smoke. There's far Right. And this is why we don't go on fucking cruise ships. That's all I'm gonna say. Yeah. When that mom, she's like, I lost a daughter on a cruise ship and it's basically like a lawless fucking land. I was like, I never even thought of that. Yeah. Donating her the rest of her life to be like an advocate for batty crime, like crime scenes for cruise ships and like cruise ship safety is crazy. Is so incredible and admirable and upsetting. Yeah. If I wanna know what people think too, like I genuinely left that documentary thinking, I think she's dead, but at one point was alive. Yeah. Because now we have technology. She would've come and also like she would've come home or called or done something. I think at this point she would have, yeah. Them being like the IP address, being the website looking all the time. Oh my. Around holidays and birthdays. Oh, it can't be her. I don't know, man. That's crazy. It's so upsetting. It's such a bad story. Yeah. I hope her family, and I hope this documentary leads to something because it is happening. That mother needs peace more than any other mother I've seen on a crime doc recently. Yeah. Her brother being named Brad Bradley though, was like, so criminal, illegal. No, it's bad. Brad Bradley's tough. You've gotta be cool. Him saying that he hasn't gotten married or had kids'cause he like literally was traumatized by seeing his parents lose a child is actually so upsetting. I get it. I get it. Yeah. Yeah. Those are my thoughts. But give it a watch. Not just be like, oh, it's a good documentary, but like it's a good No, it's incredible. It's well done. It's really well done. The timeline, the way they lay everything out. I also texted you in the middle of it, you and Erin. I love when they have actual FBI agents who are apart. I felt this way when I was watching the documentary about Osama. No, the Long Island. Oh, well of course the Osama Bin Laden capturing him the Long Island Serial Killer. There's so many actual cops in that. You know what I mean? Yeah. People who are experts and not just true crime sleuths who come through and say, and can I also just say about the Idaho murders, the amount of people who are blaming the roommates who lived? Oh, so upsetting. You need to go touch some fucking grass. Those kids, first of all, if the paramedics were outside the door, it wouldn't have helped unfortunately. Yeah. Brian Berger is a fucking sociopath. They were dead and went in there to do a job and did it. Yeah, I agree. Please stop blaming these literal teenagers who didn't know what the fuck was going on and drunk. Yeah. Also, like think about like myself or yourself when you were in college. I would've woken up and saw like a guy on my end of the doorway that I didn't recognize. I would've just been like, okay, goodbye. Like that's just like the shit that went on in our house. Like I would not have been like, oh yeah, there's a stranger. Like I wouldn't have been phased. And then I maybe in the morning would've been like, what the fuck? You guys just the same as them? I maybe would've been like, this is a little weird. I don't really like that. And then like gone to bed and like mind my business. Yeah. I mean, the accident, I was 18 and I think about all the time like how if, if the scenario was different, I would've gotten blamed, say if I was driving and she was in the passenger seat. Right. Or if I had died and she had lived. Right. It's just, you cannot expect 18-year-old and 19-year-old brains to function and have the wherewithal to know what to do in the middle of the night. To know what to do in that scenario. Yeah. Obviously if you see someone in your home, you're not gonna be like, you know what just happened? They murdered the whole house. Yeah. No, that's obviously not. I just, I feel maybe it's my survivor's guilt of my own. Maybe it's my own shit that I'm projecting. I just can't imagine going, what I, you know, going through what I went through and then having the entire internet blame me for all of my best friends dying. I would be, I don't know. I don't, I would never shut my face again. Literally. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. I would be a hermit. I wish we could start. I know it's freedom of speech and you can say whatever you want. I wish we could start finding people on the internet. I wish you got fined based off of how nasty a post was and the worst it was, the bigger the fine was so people could actually shut the fuck up for once. If it's not your cup of tea, don't take a sip. Mm-hmm. Thank you Amaya. Papaya. Stop attacking people who are victims. That's all. Anyway, what else have you watched? I watched Untamed. Have you seen that? No. An ad for it. Oh fuck. What was it on? It must've been on Netflix. Who's in it? I think it's on Netflix. No one that you would recognize, to be honest, like, I don't recognize any of those people. Is it like an old western rom-com? No, it's a, it's a mystery. It's a thriller. Oh yeah. It's a, it's like six episodes. I started watching it with Man's and his brother and I literally couldn't stop. I had to watch it by myself. Wow. I finished it the next day. Wow. Um, You think it's about something and then it's not, it's basically like a, who done it, but like twists and turns. Who is this girl? What happened? Yeah. Twists and turns. Ooh, really good. Is it's package up in a bow, Yosemite. Yeah. Yes it is. I swear to God, Colleen, if you swear on Spencer, leave me on a goddamn cliffhanger. I'm gonna punch you in the throat. Swear on Spencer. 45 minute episodes, six episodes. Give it a watch. It's really good. It's like every one or two on, I think it's on Netflix. I really like the Train Wreck series on Netflix too. They come out with a lot of really interesting episodes and every episode is different with a different topic. Big fan. Cool. They actually just did area 51, which you know, I did a year ago. If you know you now. And I put my head down and stuck my arms out when they run into the Yep. I wonder if that's in it. So I'll have to give it a watch. Okay. I'll give it a whirl too. Other than that, I watched, oh, I started hunting wives, or whatever the fuck it's called, hunting somewhere with Britney Snow. Yeah. I, you think it's about one thing and then it really just is not, aren't they like doing orgies and shit? I didn't know that. So I thought it was like a good like rom-com show or something. Well, I saw a clip where there's like some women on women. Yeah. It's getting weird. It's getting weird. And I was like, oh, I think this is like a sex show with like some light crime. Yeah, it's getting weird. Oh, okay. Yeah. I'm only on one episode and I was, I was going, huh? Do you know what, if it was a book, every woman would be consuming it. I've seen clips on Instagram where people are like, season two now, binge the whole fuck. And it's all women. Oh yeah. Well, all, so wait, it's scratching an itch for people. Yeah. So next episode I'll give you a full review'cause I'll probably be done by then. Okay, great. And then I watch Shrek and that's it. Shrek, yeah. The people in the back. Ah, somebody wants Domy then. I am Donkey and Man's a Shrek. Unfortunately. You're donkey and man's a Shrek. Yeah. I fear, I I fear you've always been doggy. No, even on this podcast, but specifically in this scenario, like he really is Shrek No, he's too wholesome to be Shrek. I, I guess he's too, like, he's not like, get outta my swap. He's not like an old man who's like, get off my lawn. But he's an ogre for sure. He's not an ogre in the best way. Not in a bad way, but he's an ogre. Trust me. Trust me. He is all the time. He is like, I'm an ogre. He also says Princess Fiona, like perfectly. It's like so creepy. But indeed the Scottish sh then. Yes. I always say um, he goes, you literally are donkey. Like when he is like, can I stay with you? I'm staying with you. That's literally me. Like, I'm just in the morning. I'm making waffles. That's literally me. No, I know. That's all we, this whole podcast has been aware of that. We've been making that reference for years. Now it's become more clear to me. That's all. Yeah. I, I love when someone holds up a mirror to you and I see. Within, look me in face. Self-awareness is key. Yeah. I have so much of it. Okay. You know, how do you remember we had a topic this week, right? How far in are we? I'm actually just jitting. We're an hour and 15 minutes in. No, we deserved that. We deserve this. Yeah, we do. And it is Drunk Tales. We haven't done this one in a really long time. Pot two, I think it's been over a year. Yeah, it's been a while. I wanted to bring it back, I felt like, and you were like, it's time for us to bring it back. The classic drunk tales of it all. So we actually reached out to the Sippers on Instagram and you were like, please write in your stories. I was actually thinking like, what's the drunkest you've ever been in your life? Drunkest I've ever been in my life. In college. I stole my mom's Grey Goose and I didn't know that Grey Goose was like so good. Like it was like not, oh, it's water and it's dangerous. So I had like two water bottles of it. Oh. Like I Colleen. No, like I didn't, I was like, oh my God. You know what's, there's some nights that like liquor just goes out easier than normal. Yeah. I thought it was that type of night and I was like having a gr drunk'cause I've ever fucking met in my entire life. Like, yeah, limbless, you probably should have gotten your fucking stomach pumped. You lunatic limbless. Other than that was another time I was probably the drunkest I've ever been. But yeah, that was, that was probably it. Nothing like notable happened, but I just know that like I was limbless. That's never really happened to me. Limbless. What a blameless what about you? HBU? What a descriptor. A bunch of times. I mean, I think probably the most iconic story is when I fell asleep in the airplane bathroom. I didn't know if you shared that on the pot or not. I don't remember. I absolutely have shared that on the po. Okay, cool. I couldn't remember. I won't do the whole thing all over again, but just know I was with coworkers and we were stuck in the Dallas Airport for 12 hours and we drank the entire 12 hours and we were supposed to be home by 4:00 PM and our flight didn't take off till midnight. And all three of us, like my boss who was with us like cried, talking about trauma. Like we were in that space, like we were so fucked up. And I have narcolepsy and I woke up in the middle of a now red eye and I tapped my boss to like move out of the row and he was like, you are not speaking English.'cause I was half asleep. And when I got to the bathroom, I went to go puke and I sat down like on my butt and I curled my knees up fully clothed and I put my head down and immediately fell asleep because again, narcolepsy and I woke up and was so disoriented. And obviously I'm five eight, like my legs were obviously asleep. I'm a tall bitch. And I got up and when I walked out I was wiggling like a baby deer on ice because my legs were asleep. And I heard one of the stewardess say we're landing in an hour. And I was like, oh my God, I've been in here for two to three hours minimum. How did no one else have to pay? It was a red eye and it was a flight that got delayed 12 hours. So, or at least at that point, I think eight. So most people had changed their flight, so it was like a nearly empty flight and it was in the middle of the night, so most people were asleep, so nobody even looked, no one even checked. My boss did that thing is when I asked him to get up, for me to initially go to the bathroom, he was standing and waiting for me because men don't like to sit down and get back up for whatever reason. Yeah. He got sick of waiting for me because I fell asleep and he sat in another row for whatever reason. He was like, well, I don't wanna be Yeah, disturb, I don't wanna get back up disturb again. Yeah. So when I came out, I didn't know where we were. I didn't know where my row was, I didn't know where my seat was, no one was there. So I walked up and down the aisles and pretended to stretch like my arms and my legs. Well, you needed it. And then my other coworker was so fucked up, he was asleep and his entire row was clear and his feet were sticking out. And that's how I realized where we were. Jesus Christ. And we landed at 5:00 AM and I was at work at nine and I had to leave work because I was such a wreck. And it was Halloween and everyone was dressed up in guns blazing. And the three of us looked like we got hit by a fucking bus. And when we got off the plane at 5:00 AM I had like a little roll on suitcase.'cause we were only in Texas for a couple of days. It was like two to three days max at the top of the escalator at five 30 in the morning. My suitcase wasn't on the escalator. Right. And it fell down from the top all the way down. Thank God no one was in front of me. But think of one of those big Logan airport escalators. Yeah. Like it's not a, it's like three stories banged. It echoed through the entire airport. It was five 30. No one was even fucking there. So we, I just let it, I, I did one like grasp for it. I did one like eh, and then it banged, let her go down. And I was like, I just need to let her go. We get to the bottom and there were these two little old ladies and they were horrified just looking on in horror. And I picked it up and my boss went, my China, my fine China one time I broke my face. Oh yeah, yeah. We talked about that. I, I tried to climb a man like a tree. I was really excited to see this guy we went to college with. He met us out at the bars and we were on the street and I ran up to him and I bounced off of him like he was a brick wall and scraped. My entire face off of the asphalt and it got infected. Tough times, man. Yeah. I mean the Halloween dance at Stonehill, Erin told that story. That's like a classic one. I got put one in the drunk tank. That's my 31st birthday. We went on the boat. That picture. Yep. I was so shitfaced that night. Mm-hmm. But I think there's one that I haven't told that I think is really funny. Okay. So I was in Florence with one of my best friends from college, Jessie. And we were with a bunch of girls.'cause we did one of those like big travel groups. So we meet a lot of people and we all go out to dinner and then we go out to a bar. I am in a mint green dress. Okay Shorty dress in a, in a sock bun. Okay. I'm not proud of this fact of how long I wore the sock bun and tried to rock the sock bun. Yeah. I'm not proud of it. No, you did. But it's, it's crucial to the story. Okay. Okay. I wouldn't bring it up otherwise. Okay. All right. It's something we'd rather forget. Okay. Sock bun slay. So we're all hanging out at the bar. We're we're getting the absolutely after it feral animals and I'm like 23. So whatever coleen's doing now, take that in times it. I was a little bit less feral than you in some ways and more feral than you in others. Does that make sense? Yes. So I am popping the fuck off. We go to a park after the bar,'cause the bar is close at like 4:00 AM So we go to a park and we're all making out with these guys. I go to lay down. I need to lay as one does. So I go into the middle of this park, I found I find some grass and I lay down a perch and I, the guy I'm making out with follows me. And so we're rolling around on the ground, just making out, and my friend Jessie says, it's one of the funniest things she's ever seen. She got worried, she hadn't seen me in a while, and she was like, ready to go home. She did not spot the sock button, and she just went, Bridget. And from the back corner of the park, I sat up like a meerkat and she just saw the bun and she, I just went, yeah, like across the way though. Yes, yes. And she was like, the sock button was so prominent and it was so dark. It was like the only thing you could see, like the sock bun outlined you just the guiding light. It was the sock button was the guiding light. It was like a lantern. She saved you one, one by Lan, two of by sea, just like we were, we hated on it. But you know, she saved you. It, it helped. And I think she thought like I had left, I sat up immediately and so sometimes now to this day, if we're in a public space, she'll go, Bridget, and I'll pretend to sit up and go, yeah, yeah. From like 50 feet away, a hundred feet away. That's so, yeah, that's a, that's a good one. But I feel like I've told most of my embarrassing, as Did you? Yeah. So we asked our sippers to write in some shit. Okay. Yep. Here are some quickies. Okay. I blacked out at Kenny in 2017 at Gillette. I came out of it with no phone or wallet. No notes. No, that's perfect. Normal people get so fucked up at Kenny Chesney. Like, I need people not from Boston to understand my not underwear fall through, through the sky. I never forget down the bleachers. Kenny Chesney at Gillette happens nearly every year and he iconically, really loves Gillette Stadium. So does Taylor Swift like it's just a it's a thing. It's where the Patriots play. It's a very, very popular thing. People love Gillette Stadium. The energy, the vibe's very high. Kenny Chesney specifically started this thing called Country Fest where multiple headliners are leading up to him and it used to start at like one and he wouldn't go on until nine. People were so fucked up for the entire day. They had to shorten it. And they don't even open the parking lot till like 4:00 PM now. Because that is how they have a drunk tank on site. Multiple. They have to, they have to, they have patty wagons like people are not well. So people are getting wheelchaired left and right. Oh my God. And so Colleen one time fell from the bleachers, which is like the most dangerous place to fall with no underwear. It's wasn't my fault. No. No it was not. I will give you that. Thank you. You've done a lot of things that are your fault. This was not one of them. This was not one of them. Someone wrote, I like to pee in sinks when I'm drunk. Me too. That's all swirly. One person wrote, I got so drunk, I got frostbite. That's dangerous. Get inside. Whatcha doing outside? I, this is when you know you're old too. When you see a line at a bar and you're like, those girls are gonna get frost frostbite. Yeah. How you got chilly? Someone get them a jacket, someone get some clothes on them. I was at a concert in, not even cold wise, I was at, I was at Luke Bryan. No, I was at Luke and there was a girl with her. Legitimate, I think I talked about this already, but I'm just thinking about it again. Her legitimate ars cheeks out ars cheeks. Like her jean skirt was halfway cover her ass. Like, I was like, oh, what the fuck? And she was with a guy too, and I was like, if, and he, she, he like was obviously grabbing on her. Like they obviously were like dating or something. Yeah. That I wanted to stop her and be like, that man has no respect for you.'cause he would cover your fucking ass if he did. And I, I didn't obviously, but instead I was like, he, that man does not like you. He does not like you. He does not love you. He would cover you.'cause that's disturbing. Oh wow. No. Like it was that short that I actually was like, and I'm not Karen, let's get real here. Like, I walk around with my lips out, like, come on. I was gonna say, you are regularly a barefoot and don't wear underwear. So. Yeah. Who am I? Judge? That's how bad it was. Deeply jarre. Yeah. And she was like a cute little, little, like a high school girl and I was like, sis, oh no, no. We can't be doing that. No. And fuck that man. Cover your lips. Like, it's fine. You're like, drunky, drunky. That's okay. But like, have a man that at least is like, let me fix you. Like, I would just say because I don't like Ben who are like, you shouldn't wear, that's, that's not what wear whatever the fuck I want. That's what she's obviously intoxicated and like, you not Yeah. As someone who's gonna take care of you. Yes. That's and be like, let me, let me help you here. So he doesn't respect you as I'm saying. Yes. This was someone I know wrote, I took a 59-year-old man to the beach to watch the sunrise. Then I gave him some molly and a hand job, and I just want to, to put a visual in everyone's brain because I know the story. She was like, I just wanna lay here. And he was like, I want a hand job. And she was like, okay, but I'm not moving. And he lunged over her body, first of all, who requests a hand job? I'm so sorry to our family members right now. I'm, I please a 59-year-old man. Like, do we get you an age where it's just like, nah, a hand job will do it because that's crazy. I think she was just lazy. Okay. Like, I think other things were requested, and I'm not sha I thought he went in just requesting that. I was like, that's, I'm not, I'm not, I am not shading the laziness. If you're not into it, you're not fucking into it. No. You're, I, but I think he was like, well, what about this? And she was like, fine, but I'm not moving. Yeah. And so I have seen this acted out firsthand and I want you to imagine a 59-year-old man on drugs with one lunged knee, like over your chest so that you can just reach up. Oh, okay. Yeah. Efficient. It's so. Not the lunge. I'm like envisioning it in my brain. Logistically, the lung, it, the, for whatever reason, the lunge kills me. Like I'm leg. Like if you were laying down next to each other, I think I could, you know, figure that the lunge over my body. Yeah. Like, cant I just reach down? You could send me to fucking lung. You could my arm. How about that? Yeah. I don't know what happened there. All I know is that there were drugs involved and a 59-year-old lunged over this person. That's hilarious. Honestly, it's so fucking funny and it's, it's incredible and awful. Okay, I wanna point out the next two stories were written in, in the first sentence in both stories was, let me set the scene. Love that. So first of all, excellent writing. Second of all, you know us. You know, I, we didn't even have to preface that. They were like, we are gonna paint you a picture. We're dial here, we fucking go. These two stories are my favorite thing that's ever happened. Okay. Here's number one, let me set the scene. Austin, Texas, Sunday fun day celebrating a friend's birthday. Mm-hmm. Every day drinking spot in Austin. It's dog friendly, so a lot of them have jars of dog treats on the bar. At this point, I've had one too many Mexican candy shots, and once I get to a certain level, I like to solicit people for free shots. I wanna pre pause in the story. This person is so fun. Okay. Like, this is the person you wanna go to a bar with. Okay. Cool. Perfect. Okay. Noted back in and I'll do just about anything to get one, like free shots. Okay. I go to the bar to order another round and start chatting up the guy standing next to me. I think I might've said something along the lines of, are you the pussies? I'll be out drinking today. So after talking shit for a little bit, I'm now making bets with these dudes for a free drink. I see the jar of dog treats and immediately think that maybe if I eat one, they'll get me a shot. Okay. So I tell them, if they get me a drink, I'll eat a dog treat. Well, they weren't giving in that easily and they won. Upped me, oh God. They wanted me on all fours barking, wagging my tail and acting like a dog. So what do I do? I comply. I am on all fucking fours in the middle of the bar begging for a dog treat, and these losers are throwing me dog treats in the air and I'm trying to catch them in my mouth. This girl better gotten her shot. I miss the first couple day through and they, these aren't lit small little treats. These are milk bones. They are buying a drink until I catch one. When I finally do, I get a shot from them. And we all part ways, my friends think this is the funniest shit, and at this point I'm proud of it. No. Yeah. Yeah. It's funny. It's like everyone's in on it at the bar, right? Yeah. After we wrap up at the bar, my friends and I head to the nearest chicken wing joint, which is super popular in Austin, Texas. We continue drinking bears there as we wait for our table. And then all of a sudden something doesn't sit right with me. The room is starting to get really hot and those dog treats start rumbling in my tummy. I immediately run to the bathroom and those dog treats come right back up. I'm in the bathroom so long, I fall asleep on the toilet. The manager comes in and is like, ma'am, are you okay in here? And I, no, I respond back to her. Yeah, all good. I'm just pregnant and feeling nauseous. Not you're quick on your feet, sister. There's no way she bought that load of bullshit. No, no. Absolutely not. But who is she to do? Who is she to say otherwise? She literally exits the bathroom and sends my boyfriend in to check on me. And he's not worried because he knows why I'm dying. And now that I've sober it up a little bit, because I've had a, a commode nap and regurgitated my afternoon snacks, I decide I should get in an Uber and go home. I wanted to be sneaky about leaving, so I didn't tell any of my friends. Bye. I just left and texted them from the Uber and they all responded with, bitch, we saw you leave. You weren't sneaky at all. Guess I was a little more drunk than I realized. I, this is the best story I've ever heard. I, she initially messaged I ate a dog treat at a bar for shots. Yeah. Yeah. And I reached out to her and was like, I, I'm a, I'm a need the backstory and good god. Did she deliver? No, she did. Yes, she did. 10 outta 10 she giveth. Next. Sipper one. Let me set the scene naturally. 2015 St. Patty's Day in Boston. Oh Christ. With coworkers from Florida, Christ on a cracker. Everyone wants to experience Boston. St. Patty's Day six bars and way too many baby Guinness shots. Later we end up at Loco. Pause happens to the best of us. Sorry. That'll do it. It does At the time, sorry. Back in, at the time, my apartment was right next door, so when the bar closed and we got kicked out, one of my coworkers came up to pee while we were waiting for her Uber. Not even five minutes after we get upstairs, I hear the shower on. She is ass naked in my bathroom, taking a shower. I managed to shut it off, throw a towel on her, and as I'm in the kitchen getting water, she goes into my room and passes out on the floor. Completely dead. We could not wake her up. I have never been this drunk in my life. She's in a towel in her coworker's home. Yikes. Then I wake almost two hours later to my roommate screaming. My coworker wandered into her room and tried to pee in the closet. No, we get her out and she tries to order an Uber home.dot.to her parents' house in Chicago. Forever. My most unhinged drinking tale. Boston won this person negative 10. She transferred back to the Chicago office after this incident, LOL. So she probably, she's giving one of those people that didn't drink in like growing up. Listen, I am not for underage drinking. I'm not Bridget. However, however, like you don't need to preface that. I had a tolerance by the time I got to college and when I worked at a company that notoriously overserved and underfed, I was not an angel, an underpaid. I was, I was way underpaid and overworked. I was not an angel. I was out getting drunk, but I wasn't fucking anyone. I wasn't making out with anyone on the dance floor and I wasn't falling asleep on the couches in the front office, in the front hall where everyone has to walk through and losing my job. There is something to be said like every kid in college who got their stomach pumped in freshman year were kids who were never allowed to drink. It's like the kid who is not allowed candy goes to the party that candy's there and throws up everywhere. I'm not saying people should be feeding their kids booze. I am saying there is something to be said about having an idea of what happens to your body after something like alcohol is consumed before you get somewhere where binge drinking is normalized. Correct? Correct. Normal's life skills, in my opinion. Yeah. Anyway just two of quite literally my favorite stories that have ever been sent into us, but why don't you do a few before I jump back in? Sure. These are found from various places on the Internets, the interwebs, if you'll great. There's nothing unusual about drinking at a wedding. It's not really that strange to jump in a pool fully dressed at such an occasion, but waking up the next day only to discover you're still at the reception and you're supposed to deliver the bride and groom to the airport for the honeymoon is a bit daunting. The horrible feeling you get when you have no less than 12 voicemails waiting for you on your phone, which you left in the car at someone else's house, which you now have to walk to in a wet grumbled bridesmaid dress. Oh. While passing a church, just ending its service on a Sunday morning really is best described in three words more alcohol needed. Let's just say there's one anniversary I won't be forgetting, and it's certainly not mine. Okay. I just think that sums up every wedding, like, okay, first of all, as someone who jumped in a pool at a wedding, but may or two weeks ago, great. Why is any bridesmaid getting anyone to the airport the next day? Why is that? I'm sorry. The bride and groom need to see themselves out. There's this thing, it's called Uber. Figure it the fuck out. Also, who goes on their honeymoon the next morning actually. Yeah, that's actually, that's an old school thing. Yeah. People don't really do that anymore. They don't, they like even like leave the wedding sometimes and go bye. Like, no, I'm ready to pop my pussy for like three more days. Yeah. If I'm getting married, you can bet your ass. I'm partying through the night. We're gonna have some sort of brunch the next day where we can yap. I'll giggle. Catch up and giggle and recover. And where some mimosas and bloody Mary's are involved, I don't wanna go on in a honeymoon right away. Not that I'm shading it. Like if that's what you wanna do, go for it. But no people, lips sink in, get some time. Yeah. I don't wanna leave right away that so many good things back to back. Like I wanna space'em out a little bit. I agree. And like your wedding, there's so much that happens over such a short period of time. Like, don't you wanna text people? Don't you wanna sit and look at pictures and like, yeah, take the Monday and Tuesday off just to rest and rot and rot with your husband, with your whole ass husband or partner who or whoever. Oh yeah, sorry. And then plan an entire trip or you know, have something else to look forward to. Like imagine those things are back to back. You get home and you're like, great. What the fuck am I doing now? What is there to look forward to now? No, I'm just stuck with this person. Ew. Now I've to spend forever with you. Grass. Goodbye. Wow. That's, that's crazy. That's all. That's fucking crazy. Okay, this, this came in as a voice note. Oh, exciting. Okay. I was dating a man in college. Let's call him John. We were casually hooking up. It was very early days in college. We all go out one night, but we end up getting separated. So we text each other and this person is with a friend. Okay. And so they text John and they're like, Hey, we're gonna go back in the room in a little bit, like let's reconvene. We're gonna go grab our cigarettes. And so they were like, all gonna meet up and then go to the same party afterwards. Okay. So they're on their way back to the dorm and it's this person and their friend, and they're going to meet up with John. And when they get there, there is a pile of shit on the welcome mat to the dorm room. And they were like, it's the most perfect shit you've ever seen. Like it looked like the emoji. Yeah. And they thought it was a gag gift. They were like, oh my. They were laughing out loud. They were like, this is so fucking funny. Who found like a perfect pile of shit to put on my door? Like, that's crazy. So they open the door and they pile, they step over it. They're like, that's, no one would actually shit on the welcome mat. Like, that's so crazy. What a funny gag. And so they go in and they're chatting and they're yapping for a bit, and then they grab the cigarettes and they turn to leave. And when they open the door, the scent hits. this person is like, wait a minute. Science is really advancing at this point because the gag gifts are starting to smell. That's crazy. Like these have gone very high tech. Mm-hmm. Since, since my day. Mm-hmm. Right. And so th this person is like, hang on. And says to the friend, can you grab me a piece of paper because I'm gonna toss it no on top, because if it's real, there will be a transfer. And they toss the piece of paper. And there was, and she was like, we reacted exactly how you think we were, we were screaming, we were losing our fucking minds. We were like, who the fuck shit on the welcome mat at our college dorm, like three weeks into freshman year? Like, who is doing this? So they lose their mind. They call the ra because this woman is like, I am not scooping up someone's shit. Like, that's just simply not happening. No. She got a$50 fee for quote feces in the hallway. She herself did. And she said it's, to this day, one of the funniest thing that's one of the funniest things that's ever happened to her. And she's trying to find me the actual fine from the residence hall. And so if she's able to find it, I will post it. I'll blur everything out. That's, but who is the pto ptm shi? Who is the phantom shit? Are we never revealed? So a girl across the hall saw him do it apparently. Okay. And he apparently told his friends to quote unquote brag, which like, why are you brag bragging? So he ends up dropping out of college like a week later. Oh. And she said, sometimes I try to Google him. But he has a very common first and last name, so it's a little bit hard, but she's like, I think he, I think we have a mutual friend. So this was a few days ago. So today I text her and I'm like, Hey, do we know? Is there like a, where are they now? He is very ugly. He has not aged well and he's a real estate agent. And I would just like to say karma is a bitch. And if he's selling houses, I certainly hope he's not shitting on the welcome mat while he's doing it. One can only hope. This was another sipper. One time my roommate fell asleep in the shower for six plus hours. Dude, I wasn't home. And when I got there, the rugs were sopping wet and they felt like a sponge, like it felt like stepping on a sponge. We found her called building maintenance. She's fine. The entire apartment was flooded for three days. It smelled absolutely fucking awful. We also got charged$5,000, which the roommate who fell asleep made us split equally. No, you don't make, you say, bitch, you fell asleep. You did this catch me lighting this bitch on fire. What the fuck do you mean? We're splitting this equally because you're a drunk idiot. That's like a D. Like you wouldn't even do that. Never. But you have narcolepsy. I know. Oh, well I did try. I almost fell asleep in as sauna once. Yes, you did do that. They, but I will say I would probably fall asleep in a bath, but it is common, like if you run water long enough, walls are not meant to keep running. Like if you have a tub of water, it will fucking leak. Yeah. Like you're gonna. Go into someone and this comes up in another Reddit story, it's gonna go into someone else's home or apartment. It's gonna happen here. It's so gross. You cannot run that amount of water in such a small area for that long. It ain't it. And like the rugs, like you just know it's mildew so fucking bad. The mildew smell the mold. Ugh. Anyway, you next Before kids, my girlfriends and I would hop on a plane and head to Sin City for the weekend of Frolic for a weekend of frolic every spring, which is like, to go there every single year is kind of crazy. I kind of wanna go and just see Backstreet Boys and come back though. I'm like really tempted. Live your life. Okay. Please continue. I don't know anything about the Backstreet Boys. Honestly, that wasn't my era. Oh, it looks, oh my God, the sphere. It just looks so incredible. I would see any, anything at the sphere, I would say. So on my bucket list is seeing something at the sphere and seeing RuPaul, RuPaul's Drag Race live in Vegas and they're both in Vegas and I love the Backstreet Boys, so I'm like, do I just. Fly in for a weekend and knock these two, but they're only there till the end of August and I can't do, and they're only on the weekends. You can't in like they don't play. No, I don't think so. Well, maybe another time, but anyway, please continue. But it's a once in a lifetime opportunity. I'll punch you. This was long before the slogan what happen to Vegas stays in Vegas, but the feeling was the same. I don't know if it was all the oxygen they pump into the casinos or just the warm sunshine, but Vegas has a way of allowing you to let go and let go. We did a particular night in question involved riding the camels outside the Luxor until we got kicked off the property. Oh my fucking God. Mind you, that isn't a pun for something else. We literally, yeah, like I'm not being facetious, I mean point this as literally as humanly possible. But he literally jumped the small chain, keeping you off the grass and hopped onto the backs of three huge candles. Oh my God. I do have the photos, but you won't find any evidence of them on Facebook or anywhere else. We staggered our way cocktails in him in hand to MGM we thought it would be fun to kidnap toto from the Wizard of Oz scene and skip around the casino singing. Follow the IC Road. I don't know if Toto ever made it back to safety to Dorothy, but we definitely are not allowed back to MGM ever. Okay. They sound so fun though. Yeah. We ended the evening, or should I say the Mor, should I say, the morning loading up on a senior tour bus to Lake Mead. Luckily, one of us had the sense to realize we wouldn't be able to get any more booze if we stayed on the bus, and we just headed happily on our way. After all well wishes to our new friends. It sounds juvenile and ridiculous and recounting of it all. Of course it was, but man, did we have a good time if posted? Please don't use my name things. What happens in Vegas really does in vaccinated in Vegas. That is incredible work. I do wanna have a wild and crazy night like that. Like I have had them. I don't want like a hang overnight. I don't want it to sound like I've never li you know, I've had some pretty insane nights, but almost a hangover without losing anyone. Yes. Okay. You know what I mean? Yeah. But like one of those nights where you're like, so many things happen back to back that if you told me on a regular Monday I did, I would never fucking believe you. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. Okay. Reddit. Just dark hole. Dark hole. My worst drunk story, 2015. It was right after work around 6:00 PM I went to a party with people I didn't really know from work, drank outside heavily. I went to the party and kept greeting everyone. I kept remeet, everyone. I started chugging random bottles of alcohol. I hate that person. I blacked out by 8:00 PM apparently got into someone's car and ripped out the GPS unit. Tried to kiss the male driver as I am male myself. Oh, great. Took a cat nap in the middle of the road and pissed my pants. Got up, walked into the woods, lost my wallet in the woods, fell asleep in the pitch. Black woods. Woke up and went to the nearest house and had a gun pulled on me because I knocked on the door asking Where am I? They told me to leave or they would shoot me. I walked up the road. What state is this in? I'd love to know Florida. I would know. Maybe I It's giving Western. Yeah, it's giving you in the middle of nowhere with woods and walking up to random houses with guns. They did? Yeah. I walked up the road a bit and went to some lady's house and re pissed my pants. Somehow the lady called the cops and the state troopers came, proceeded to arrest me, but only took me downtown to sober up my sister's husband was a sheriff at the time, so he released me to my mom. After about 30 minutes, my mom dropped me off at home to my girlfriend who was pissed. Hopped in the shower, drank a shower, beer with all of my clothes on, fell asleep to the WA water, flooded my bathroom. The maintenance people came and cleaned it up. I proceeded to drink more and more throughout the day until I pissed in my bed, sir. Then I decided to sober up for a few months. True story. I don't drink anymore. I wonder why I would fucking hope so, dude. Like, that's just like not a person you wanna drink with. I'm sorry. If you piss yourself three times in the matter of 24 hours, reassess, what is it with men just like pissing everywhere. You've talked about this already, but yeah, they just whip it out everywhere. It's crazy. They should be arrested anyway. Mm-hmm. Uh, Another one, it was getting towards the end of the night. We were en route to a strip club for reasons I still can't figure out, which I already love at the beginning of the story. Oh yeah. The minute I started reading it, I thought of you. We don't question strip clubs. We were driving with the windows cracked and smoking cigarettes. At this point, I was over half a fifth of marker's mark in Maker's Mark. Sorry. Maker's Mark. Good, good, good. Okay. And I could feel that all two similar feeling I was about 10 seconds from unleashing a hot and smelly tsunami of vomit all over the backseat of this enclosed vehicle. Thinking quickly, I formed a plan in my drunken and panicked mind. Okay, Alex, it's so hot back here. Can you open my window a little more? It's happening. For some reason, I get it in my head that they can't find out that I'm about to drain everything in my body onto the sidewalk. This secret must go with me to the grave. Gasp. Alex, I love this song. Can you turn it up? I had never heard this song in my life, but no one was suspicious. So the plan, I love when someone writes well, so the plan forged on, I then unleashed a torrent of bile, so violent that it rivaled the peace soup scene in the Exorcist. I finished my barf and reveled in the fact that I had done it. No one knew and I was free in all caps. Victorious. We get outta the car and proceeded to walk into the club and enjoy an hour of watered down drinks and painted boobs. Gorgeous. Yes. I love good writing. Me do. It's so good. As we're approaching the car, I hear it a scream of rage, disgust with little to no foresight. I assumed the vomit would land on the ground despite us driving 40 miles an hour on a highway. His car looked like someone hose it down exclusively post pizza, vomit. I needed an escape, so I did. The only thing I could think of at the time, I was even more enraged. I couldn't believe that someone would be that disrespectful. I entertain the idea that it was probably the loud frat guys who left before us. Those assholes or bums, we just don't know. To this day, no one knows that was me and I regret nothing. What a king. I have no notes. No, me either. You did it perfectly. It's so perfectly written. Okay. Also, how drunk is everyone that with the volume up in the windows down, you can't tell someone is violently exorcism. I know. Out the window I know can be pretty slick. In New Jersey, Emily did that and she was in the the front seat. So I did that on my 21st birthday, not on my actual 21st. I have an older cousin who took me out like two weeks later. And it was just her and her older friends. And I thought it was so cool.'cause she was like in her late twenties and I was like, this is gonna be great. We went and saw a show, like it just was so much fun. And we went to a bar, it was cash only. It's this Beacon Hill bar. I don't even know if it's still there. It's this divey hole in the wall. And they poured me the four horsemen of the apocalypse. Mm-hmm. And it's Jack Daniels, Johnny Walker, Jose Cuervo, and one of them, one of the four. I forget what the Jay Boys insert. Horrible drink that I, I don't drink anything dark. I only drink vodka. I have tequila and margaritas. Like I drink light color. I do. I threw up on the highway all over her fucking car. certain alcohols that are not you're asking for it meant to be consumed. A human is not supposed to put that in their bodies. No, that is just, it's literal poison. It's gasoline, it's horrible. I was drunk and horny, which is always, it's a tough convo. It's a pretty straightforward, I hate the word horny. Like, I hate it. I would say you are so weird with certain words. I would prefer the word feral. That's not what it is though. No, it like is though in my brain. So what would you call horny? Feral. I would say I'm so feral. I, I get disagree with you on that one. Feral to me doesn't encapsulate mold. Ferreal is just like on one. You are just raging. That's true. That is true as well. It's not, it's not a pq it's not a pussy quiver. Yeah. It's not a, it's a personal term for me, I think. Okay. Weirdo continue. Because the thought of being like I'm horny right now makes me ill Would you say turned on? No. Like, I'm so turned on. No. Okay. Colleen. Yeah. You do you honey. Those are you, do you So this person's drunk and horny though, I wanted to lure a guy I was hooking up with to my dorm. So I split an Oreo in half, lick the two sides, stuck them to my nipples and texted him a selfie of my cookie tits. Okay. If that doesn't get them, they don't get it and they don't deserve it. Are are we sure. I'm, I'm here for it. You're here for the cookie tits. You, you fucking pop off. Where your cookie tits? I'm my, I don't know if titties and Oreos don't get you. What the fuck will That's fair. I guess. I Okay. You're right, you're right. You know, he didn't respond, so I passed out mad at him. Really? When I woke up, I still hadn't heard from him, but I did have a text from his grandmother saying, you're a snack. Oh, a girl's girl. That's when I realized I totally fucked up and somehow texted her by accident. One of my best friends, we were at one of my other, my guy friend's house. And it was like where we always went in high school and like, we were home for college and we always like, that was like the place. We hung out, we slept there. It was just like the thing, he had like, really cool parents. We loved his family, blah, blah, blah. So we were there like normal. One night, and I woke up in the middle of the night and my friend Brianna says to me like, where is so-and-so? And I was like, what? Like, I was like, annoyed. I'm like, what? She's right. She's on the couch next to me, like, shut up. Like, why? And she's like, no, she's not. And I was like, yes, she is. So we argued back and forth, and then I hear her like, get up and she disappears and she comes back and she's like, I found her. And I'm like, what? Where? What do you mean? She goes, she's in bed with Mimi, our friend's grandmother. Oh, I know this story. Did I tell you this already? Yes. But it's been a long time. Yes. A long time. She walked up stairs at the party. Yes, yes, yes, yes. And we were like sleeping. It was like literally the middle of the night and she just, she just crawled into bed right with me. And Mimi was like, it's okay. Stay here if you want. Mimi. Mimi's a s. Mimi's this like, just thought I would share that. That just reminded me of that like texting. I remember you have a few like really wild grad party stories, I fear. Yeah. Yeah. But I've shared them already. But like, yeah, you have like when I was trying to think of some, I'm like, I haven't done anything that crazy or heard of anything that crazy within the past couple years that we haven't already like covered. Yeah. Yeah. Nothing that crazy. So that means growth. Paso drunk while running a bath. The water caved in my downstairs neighbor's ceiling. Period. I would be, so I go back to the, the girl who did this earlier with the sopping wet and charging her roommates and splitting it equally. You're idiot. Bullshit idiot. I'm sorry. You cannot do that. Like that ruins someone el. You can be as drunk and disorderly as you want in your own time when you ruin someone else's property. It drives me fucking insane. Agreed. Like imagine ruining someone else's home because you're a drunk fucking idiot and not taking like full ass. Accountability for it. Yeah. It's just, I mean, who knows? Maybe this person did, but like, ugh, just worst. But to charge them is annoying. Like, that's just enough for me. That that's annoying. Yeah. But like, pass out while running a bath, the water caved in my downstairs neighbor's ceiling. Disgusting. Oh, so just together. So your dirty bath water is now running into my home. You're also, you're allowed one of those in your lifetime. One, one, not that exact instance, but one incident. Yes. You get one mulligan, you get one, and that's it. If you do it frequently, I don't associate. Totally agree. I went out, I came home, went to the refrigerator, looking for something to sober me up, dove into what I thought was corn beef hash. Woke up the next day suffering from a severe hangover headache and a weirdly churning stomach only to discover an empty can of dog food sitting on the counter. No, imagine eating wet dog food. No, that's so fucking gross. So you're so hung over and you're ailing. You see the dog food. What? Like, my body would reject everything out of every hole. Every, every time I thought of it, I would reject. I would be, oh no. So funny, unwell. We went to a fast food drive through after too many shots at the bar, and for some reason I decided to take off my clothes and crawl in the drive through window. The manager found me halfway in the window screaming for chicken nuggets. Understood. Uh, Without clothes on. Just like a little, maybe just like a little strip tea situation. I dunno. I think with clothes. Funny without illegal. Is anything really illegal these days? Listen, no, I'm just saying it's the fucking wild, wild west out here in these streets. Nothing to be proud of here. I went to a private high school and I had a side hustle, buying liquor for other students because I had a fake id. I tried to make sure they would keep it discreet so I wouldn't get caught. One Thursday night, I got an order from my friend. Let's call him Tommy, for one bottle of whiskey and I delivered. He was a bit of a wild card, so I asked him what his plans were and he said, quote, don't worry, me and Jimmy are gonna split it on Saturday. I show up to class the next morning. My friend taps my shoulder. Did you hear about Tommy? He drank a bottle of whiskey in 10 minutes and shit. His pants, he's in the hospital. Oh, he never said a word about me. Absolute maniac, but loyal to the soil. Loyal to the soil. Put it on my fucking tombstone. Loyal to the soil. That's crazy. It's truly one of the best lines I've seen in quite some time. I agree. That just like had me stopped in my track, loyal to the soil. Didn't say a fucking word, did not rat this guy out. Shit himself. Loyal to the soil. Shit in the street. Shit in the street. Still little. Oh, you're shit in the street. Yeah. You're really doing it. You're really doing it. You're shit in the street. Iconic. Ah. I was so hammered one night that I got on top of the bar and jumped off thinking this really cute guy would catch me. But he turned away the second I leaped and I hit the floor face first. Oh, not the bad trust fault at the bar. Who the fuck who I would never dead sober? Let a man catch me. Not on your worst day. No, never. Absolutely not. Oh, you think I'm gonna first trust a man? Second of all, trust him to catch my body weight. No. On purpose. Literally. No. You could. No amount of drugs. Could be never none. I tried to I could be on straight angel dust. Not happening. Not you hallucinate. Fuck. I could be on a different planet. I could be on literal fucking Mars. And I'd be like, you couldn't catch my weight. You couldn't hold the thumb up. Have you? What's that? It doesn't even matter, but what's that wrestling move that's like, oh, do you hit your elbow? And you I tried to do that last night to mans You tried to do that to mans. And I was running and there was a shirt on this wood floor. You slipped. And as I was jumping, I put my full body away and I went, woo. And I literally was just like limp. It was, he was like, I don't understand what you're trying to do there. And I was like, I want, I had one leg on the floor. I was like, I had it slipped on the shirt. I couldn't. So laughing. I love, of course you try to do a wrestling move and trip before you can actually do it. And I, I go, I just peed my pants a little bit and he was like, you're not wearing pants. And I said, well, I sucked it back up. And he goes, that's not possible. I said, you're right. She's been doing it for years on the pod. Ladies and gentlemen. No, I go, you're right. I can't do that. Party people. No, she's done it. You've done it on the chair. I know you said so many times. Oh, I sucked it back up. That's a lie. I know you do. I know you pee on. That's why I don't sit on that chair because I know it ha it's, it's infected. So I pulled own Yeah. With your scent. Yeah. came home plastered one night and decided to make spaghetti as one does. It wasn't until the next morning that I realized I had strained my pasta with my pets. Scooper for the litter box. Oh. And'cause I thought it was a strainer. No, no. I'm sick. No, that's so fucking gross. Mm-hmm. Oh no. That's so gross. Indeed. I was a wild teenager and once got so drunk that my parents found me passed out and took me to the ER. As I was getting assessed, the doctor had asked me, when was your last period? I replied, eyes closed science period. Science. Okay. When was your last period, ma'am? Science. It's like Michael Scott being like, I declare bankruptcy. It's like, okay, my brother, that's not how that works. And this one was, I was drunk and really missing my dad. So I found everyone on Facebook with his name and added them as friends. Oh, that makes me sad. Okay. Dead Dad Club. Yeah. Unite. Unite. Sorry. I did the like I stand with you sign. You know? Okay. So I have a crazy one. Okay. So I know a story very intimately about a guy from Louisiana. He was on a seventh and eighth grade trip with his students. Oh, good Lord. He's the principal of a Catholic school. Oh. And they go to Washington, DC and they're with the seventh and eighth grade class. Like the teachers, everything, nightmares. And this is very common. graders a lot of the time go to dc It's usually when you're studying like history, government history. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's usually around that time. And it's like a rite of passage, like going to dc Right. So one night have a full day. They're seeing the sites, they're seeing the museums, yada, yada, yada. One night after this type of day, he goes to a strip club. Good lord. If there's ever time to not do that, he gets so fucking legless Colleen. He gets so by himself. He gets so fucking drunk. He's not by himself. Would you like to know the kicker? What? He has a service dog at the strip club and he brought the service dog. Aw. And he won't pay his bill. And so they have to call the cops. And when the cops get there, him and the fucking service dog are standing in the middle of the street and he's like belligerently screaming at everybody. So they obviously arrest him for public intoxication and possession of an open container of alcohol.'cause I think he took his drink out with him. The poor dog on this trip. This is on an eighth grade, seventh grade field trip. And for people not from the us, that is when you are 12 and 13, 13 years old, like you're just trying to see Abe Lincoln, you are legitimately going to memorials. Like this is not the trip. It's not like you're going to Vegas. It's not like you're going somewhere where like drinking is part of the culture. You're going to Washington, dc Yep. It's especially not with 12 and fucking 13 year olds in your service dog. He got so fucked up. He was arrested, his wife divorced him on this trip and he had to resign and then later Stephen Colier made fun of it. And you can look this up. Just look up Louisiana principal service dog strip club and it will pop Right the fuck up. That's crazy. I've heard a lot of crazy shit. That's gotta be, of course it's Louisiana. Of course it's Louisiana. That just tracks Louisiana, new Orleans, Louisiana in Bayou. Anyway, those are all the stories I have, but I actually wanted to ask you to, to just cap off this. Drunk tales, how you feel about drunk texting someone you're interested in? Are you pro, are you con I'm pro in the way that if it gives you the gall and the confidence to do so, then do it. if you're a weirdo about it, then no. What makes someone a weirdo about it? So I'm saying that being biased because mans didn't text me until he was drunk. Um, He told me after the fact, because he did, I, he did wait like a week to text me and I was out for Aaron's birthday and he texted me and was like, Hey. And then I, he ended up telling me,'cause I, to the point where I was like, who is this? Like, I literally didn't remember that. I just been like, oh, here's my number if you wanna text me. Because like, I don't do the, the chat in the, I don't do that shit. I just can't, I can't bring myself to either in the app you don't like? Yeah. Yeah. Oh God, I just can't. And that's like, oh, so you gave him your number? Number? Oh, that, I literally go, how do I not know you? And he was like, I have no idea. And then I said, you can text me if you want. Here's my number. A week later he texted me. Okay. So it took him a full seven business days? Yeah, it took him a full seven business days. And then he was like, no, I just, like, I wasn't gonna just like text you on a Wednesday dead sober, like shy boy. So he was like, I had a few drinks. Oh, shy boy. Yeah, he's not really shy, but like with that, he is. And he said like he had to have a couple drinks. So then I'm like, oh, okay. So I can't like judge you for that, you know what I mean? For some liquid courage. Okay. So you are not opposed if it's, if it just gets you. But people are, if you're annoying, doing annoying drunk texts, like, and then the next day you're like, sorry I was drunk. It's like, ew. Just like, stop. I'm pro if it gets you. The clarity you need, however, they know where to reach you. Yeah, I agree. If you are taking someone's text, like say if, like it depends on the context of the situation. Like yeah, say if I was like seeing somebody or I'd seen somebody and it like didn't pan out or like it was like a situationship situation, you know, and I got a text from'em at a late hour on a Saturday night and that was like happened more often than once. Like I understand what that is and I understand what I am to this person and that's annoying. Do you know what I mean? But like I don't, it just depends. Yeah. If I'm trying to actively date you and you're only texting me when you're drunk, you're an asshole. Yeah. And I know what you want from me and that's it. And if we're dating and we actually like each other and you're drunk texting me'cause you're thinking about me on your night out. Cute. Yes, agreed. If you're using it for liquid courage, go for it. That's fine too. If you are triple, quadruple texting because you hooked up with someone and you haven't heard them in five days, don't do it straightforward. Some people don't really seem to think the same as us though. You know? You don't think so? No. Some people are weird. Well I think, you know, the whole point of alcohol is it lowers your inhibitions. Right? Your inhibitions stand right on. Go skin. I mean, talk about a callback to the beginning of the episode. My goodness. So Natasha bedingfield your life away I suppose, but also they know how to reach you and if they're being creepy or if they're being non-communicative, you being shitfaced won't help the fact, I think the liquor brings out the true intention and that's that. I will say I do think. A lot of people say honest things when they're drunk. Yeah. And I think there's a lot of truth and a drunk joke. I agree. And so I would Drunk, sober thoughts. I think that's true though, Colleen. Do you? Yeah. I think that to an extent now, maybe someone's having a tough night and it's bringing out the worst in someone. I do believe that as well. But I think if it's all going well and someone just makes a joke, offhanded, I think you should listen to it closer than you.'cause they have the courage to say something they normally wouldn't. Yeah, exactly. Agreed. And I am also pro uh, drunk hookups with people that you know, not with people that you don't. Okay. I have only safety first before. Not even in a bad way. It sounds so terrible coming outta my mouth. Which you've talked about it before, but before Man's like, I have never had like a, a true sober, like, hookup sex, anything with anybody. It was all drunk. Like Yeah.'cause the context of, in which I was going, it was like I would going out and it was always my friends usually, but like it was always someone I knew. I don't like to, I was gonna say that's, I don't know if you've ever made that super clear that you were hooking up with people always. Oh, always. Who you were like knew adjacent or knew somehow. No, I've never had, like, I've never even like touched a stranger. I actually asked you to, to try other people. Yes. I was like, request by request, please, please seek alternate route. Yeah, no, I can't. We, we cannot keep, you know, going to these, this same circle. No. Yeah. But so now I like am fine. We need to branch out. Yeah, no. So now like sober is like cool. We're cool with sober sex these days. Oh, look at her. And lights on too. We're cool with that. You had sex with the lights on? Yeah. Like right? Like immediately. Yeah. Crazy times. We're living in here. My jaw's on the floor. Mm-hmm. Oh, good for you honey. Thank you. Let him see everything he does. Unfortunately, that's not the, try again. He does chacha tea. I don't like that response. Gimme a no one. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. He does, he does. Of course he fucking does. Yeah. Shake them titties. Ah Christ. I actually asked, and I hope other women listening to this feel good about it. I asked our guy, my guy friends once we were all drunk and we were all at the cabin, which I'm going to in a couple weeks and I You're excited. Can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. It's my favorite place on earth. But we were all drunk at the cabin and I said to my guy friends. When women are on top, what are you thinking? Mm-hmm. Every single one of them. Nothing boobs. Yeah. No. I'm like, so you're not worried about like folds or rolls? They were like not even a thought in our mind. Mm-hmm. Boobs. Boobs are bouncing. And I was like, cool, cool. Feral animals and they don't care. And neither should you. No fair. No one cares about your role. No one cares about the sag. No one cares about the stretch marks. Just fucking let'em fly, man. Ride that pony ride Rodeo. Oh, we went to, you went southern. I went genuine. Oh, I went ride that rodeo. Oh, I went on it. Oh, let do, it's very magic, Mike. It is, it is. Get with it. Okay, Channing. Slay. Slay. Okay, everybody, I hope you're having a wonderful summer. Happy birthday to us. Happy birthday to us and our fellow Leo Queens and our fellow Leo Quins. I hope you make it all about you for the entire month as you should, because it is about us as you should. Happy Birthday. If it's not your birthday, have a drink like it is. Drink for us. It's ours. Have an extra drink for us. I'm so and love you mean it. Love you mean it. Bye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Good day, sir. Good day.

Speaker: 2:03:36

Shannon's. This

Speaker 9: 2:03:40

podcast was produced by me, Bridget Shannon. Music is written and performed by Matt Derosiers. You can find his band, Super Stoker, anywhere you listen to music.