Shouldn't We?

On this week’s episode, Colleen realizes Mans is a feeder and must be stopped immediately. She also rubs elbows with the Mayes at a gala and lost all of her belongings... again. Meanwhile, Bridget and Colleen volunteer in the pouring rain before Bridget heads to Revere, where she pussy pops at a bar featuring Touchtunes, a bartender with approximately three teeth, and exactly the kind of energy you'd expect. 

Then Colleen takes us back to 1587 for the mystery of the LOST COLONY OF ROANOKE. 117 English settlers vanished from Roanoke Island without a trace, leaving behind only a cryptic carving that has baffled historians for centuries. Did they assimilate with local tribes? Were they massacred? Did they slowly disperse and start new lives elsewhere? Or was it aliens? .... It was definitely aliens. Get your tinfoil hats ready!!!

Sources:

• ChatGPT
• Wikipedia

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Transcript

0:02

Pour me a glass of rosé or make it a chardonnay. Come on and sip it with the Shannons. Or if it's Riesling or Pinot Grigio, you know we're sipping with the Shannons. Whoa. Last night that the lights went out in Georgia." I know I've sang it before, don't come for me. "It's another damning innocent man. He no dressed a zone or no backwoods southern lawyer. 'Cause the judge in the town's got blood stains on his hands." That was really good. At the end, that was good. That was... It was the vibrato for me. Is that what that is? Yeah. I thought that was your vertebrae. No, that's your back. That's your spine. That's my spine, that's shaped like a jumbo shrimp. My neck, my back. lick my butt and my crack. My crack anywho. And I had approximately, I'd say, nine Warheads today, and it's gotten to the point where I'm so addicted to them that I just suck the sour stuff off and I don't even eat the candy, I spit it out in the trash. And so now I just, like, can't feel my tongue right now Okay. Um- So your dinner was really good okay. I did taste it, but just know that it, it did weird things to my tongue. It was so good. Yeah. I mean, it, it sounds more of like a an oral fixation type of thing. Maybe. Just- Where you, you just like to s- or is it the sour? No, it's the taste. I like the taste, but it's too strong for my tongue. Well, yeah, 'cause- Taste the rat apoi 'cause you're certainly not supposed to have nine. No, but I have a, I have this basket of candy on my desk in hopes that people come and visit and then eat the candy, but then I eat the candy, and then Fiona eats all the chocolate, and now I just, I'm sad. So it's just a basket for you and Fiona? That's correct. Okay, great. Well, that's like a nice little way to treat yourself. But what if you overindulge, you know, every day? Oh, I have no self-control. Willpower? So I don't... Yeah. I, that's out the window for me. That's why I just wouldn't buy it, because I know I would eat it. Ugh, I love it so much. I'm just so hospitable to my neighbors. You know? I'm just so nice. I'm just so nice. I forgot to shave. My toes are so hairy right now. How are you? I'm good though, but other than that, yeah. Outside of your toes, you're well? No, I'm not, but that's okay. The people don't care. Mother's withered. Mother is withered. Mother doesn't know where any of her things are. Mother lives out of bags in her car, in multiple locations. Mother lost her credit card and her license again this weekend. Okay. You have to stop calling yourself Mother, number one. Number two, hi, everyone. Oh, right. Hello. Hello. Welcome to this week's episode of Sipping With The Shannons. We're cousins, and every other week, we sit down, and we sip on some wine, we talk some shit, and we have a good giggle. I'm Bridget Shannon. And I'm Colleen Shannon. What the fuck are you talking about? I don't know. It just, it happened again. What, what do you mean? I woke up, I opened the purse that I used the night before, and there was no credit card or license. Where were you the night before? Blah, blah, blah. I was at a work event. I wasn't even q- I wasn't even, like, popping my pussy anywhere. It's just so annoying. I never know where any of my shit is. I had a breakdown because I couldn't find my sandals, had a breakdown, couldn't find my Lululemon shorts, couldn't find my fucking waitress apron. That drove me insane. Found it at, at work. I left it there. That's where it was. Mm. Just things are just not where they're supposed to be, and it's, it's a correlation with my brain in its current state in this moment- 100% and I really don't like it. It's not, it's not enjoyable for me. It makes me so irrationally angry, because I know I make jokes and I lose things. I'm really not someone who loses things. I'm really not, so it affects me when I do. You are someone who loses things. No, debit card- You don't wanna be- Debit card, sure, 'cause I don't care about those. But like when I actually am like, "Why, why is this lost? Why is this just not where it's supposed to be?" Then I get annoyed. It's not like I was shit-faced and being like a drunk bitch. Well, it's an ADD thing. I don't know. It's really rather fucking rude is what I'm saying. And then if I can't find something, oh, oh, forget about it. Forget about it. I was poo bearing around my house looking for a fucking pair of pants the other day. I was like, "I'm gonna lose it. I'm seeing red. Things are happening to me." And then I, I had to take out a dress that I've worn before and it was really tight and I couldn't wear it, and it really upset me. Okay, that's super upsetting. No, I know. Re- truly tragic. John's my feeder. He has to stop feeding me. He's literally my feeder. I'm not kidding. It's giving Thousand Pound Sisters. I'm pretty sure she had a feeder, and he is mine. And he must stop. He must be stopped. John, mans, you must be so... cease and desist. No, enough is enough. I can't get any bigger. What is he feeding you? Like, he just... He thinks I like don't eat, and I do. So it's like, I appreciate him, love him. He buys me food. Yeah, he cares. He does feed me. Yeah. He cares. Like, for example, Saturday. We'll, we'll get into it, but like I saw you on Saturday, right? Mm-hmm. We had a tough morning, okay? Mm-hmm. We did. I went home and I immediately grabbed the cold pizza I had ordered from the evening before and ate three pieces of it. Mm. But it was like the small pieces, okay? I wake up, he has a ch- chopped chicken Caesar sub. I'm like, "I, I just ate pizza. Am I gonna eat this sub, though?" Of course I am. It's from Mortadella Head. Of course I'm gonna fucking eat it. So then I ate that, too, and he's like, "Well, just in case you wanted it." It's always just in case. I'm like, "There is no just in case, my guy. You put it in front of me, it's going down my fat gullet. I'm gonna eat it. Stop it." So rude. And he's like, "Well, you barely eat." I'm like, "But- Oh, thank you for thinking I'm so skinny. I eat too much." What did he get you the night, the day you were hungover? He, like, left you out little treats. Oh, that was after that event. Oh. I came back from that event that we... It was horrible. Let's talk about it. Okay, yeah. Can we... Yeah, sorry. I'm really, really hijacking this intro. So Colleen, on the last pod episode, was like, "Do you wanna help at a food kitchen? Like, they do this volunteer thing." Oh, yeah. "Do you wanna come for work?" And I was like, "Yeah." The food pantry. The food pantry in Everett. Cannot say enough good things about it. We ride at fucking dawn for Irene. Yeah. I would follow that woman into war. I, she scared me in the best way, you know? Yes. Like, Bridget approached and was like, "I'm here, I'm here with Colleen." And she was like, "Oh." She's like, "Who are you? Who are, what are you doing here?" Vape in hand, whole time. Vape in hand. I, I'm not kidding you, this woman could organize anything. I would put her on the front lines. R- A well-oiled machine. Unbelievable. Born and raised in Everett. Just a baddie, through and through. She wore Timberland boots and had a cursive "Boss" on the her side of her truck. Her truck. And had a vape, clutching it with a death grip the entire time. Yep. So I wore jeans, sneakers, a T-shirt, and then I have this, like, light spring jacket 'cause it has a hood. And in my head, which was really silly, when I have volunteered for, like, food banks and food kitchens and stuff, I was expecting to be inside and you, like, prep, prep the food and put them in boxes and then package them all up, and it's, like, through the church. Gang, not the case. So this morning, it's about 47 degrees in Boston. It is raining sideways. I get there at 8:00 AM, and I can't find Colleen. And I go to the church that it's happening, and all the doors are locked. And I'm like, "This is so weird." And of course, a line is already forming for the food. A line had been there from 5:00 in the morning, apparently. Yeah. That's just- Which is crazy ugh. In the rain. So I'm like, "Where the fuck is Colleen?" So I look at her locat- I call her, I text her, and then I look at her location. And I know I'm in the right place. Yep. But I was like, "Where is she?" And a guy popped out, and I go, "Can you tell me where the volunteers are?" And he goes, "Oh, they're out back." Guys, the entire event was outside. Yeah, I thought we'd be unloading from, like, trucks, 'cause I knew the trucks were coming in. I thought we were bringing it into the church. In fact, the entire food pantry is in fact outside, so. So it's almost like an outdoor market. So it's like produce and fruit and cereal and sodas and waters, and every type of food that's- You could imagine, that could honestly, like, feed someone, a family for a week. Yeah, they had like- Like, that's the whole point jugs of like Stoke coffee. They had like everything you possibly ever fucking imagined. Yeah, it was incredible, and they work with Amazon, and it's one of their biggest supporters. And massive ass truck backed up this driveway, and we were just like putting bananas out, putting sodas in. But because it was so cold and I was obviously not dressed properly, the puddles were so big that like the bottom three inches of my jeans were soaked. My sneakers are donezo. And by 10 o'clock, the rain had gone through my jacket, through my T-shirt, and through my bra. And I was looking at Colleen, and my whole... I was chattering, and I was like, "I think I have to go." But I felt so bad 'cause I was like- Like, I'll make a break for it. But I, I was like, this is just not the time or the place to complain. No, I know. I felt the same way. But it was just like, it was in- inhumane almost. Like, I was like, I feel ill by the end of it. Yeah. I felt sick as well. Yeah. And so I was like, "Oh, fuck." So I did, I left around 10, and I we- I defrosted in the car. Like, my hands, I could not feel my fingers for a bit. Yeah, and then I got home and the power was out. And so I was gonna make myself some ramen and not- Ramen order out 'cause I'm trying to save money, and I was like, "Well, we're ordering from the ramen place down the street because I need a bowl of warm liquid." Broth-o. Also, soup? Question mark. Ramen. Bridget. Not soup. It is soup. It's ramen. It is fucking soup, dude. It's soup. It's just like people who eat plain soup drive me nuts. Yeah. It do- it's not. It's like has so much shit in it. I guess. It's so yummy. I would try chicken broth. Like, I just think it's good. Yeah, see, I think that's crazy That's just a liquid. You're not eating when you're drinking that. Well, I wouldn't consider that a meal. I'd eat, like, a sandwich with it. Yeah, fair. A sandwich. Fair. So it was an interesting morning. It was No, it was. I did not dry. So I fucked myself 'cause I wore a fabric sweatshirt and didn't think accordingly. I was a little bit hungover, but this didn't, that didn't correlate with how, the reason I was feeling the way I was feeling, this was just strictly because of the weather. But I didn't plan accordingly because I had too many martinis the night before. However a nice, kind, sweet man- Oh my God, angel just ha- silently handed me a poncho. Like, listen, language barrier who? A smile and a poncho, I know exactly what you're saying. And, like, industrial poncho. Mm-hmm. We're not talking flimsy, little... Could have also worn to war. Yep, 100%. Maybe those will be our uniforms. So now we're talking about, because this was a company event, we're talking about getting company-branded ponchos for future events. Yes. I think that's smart. Yep. It did not help me because I di- I was already soaked from, like, head to toe. Like, my, I was wearing white sneakers. They're fucked. They're gone. Again, not a pl- I did not complain when I was there. I simply couldn't. But by no- I was at, you left around 10:00. I was there, it was, like, almost noon, and I was like, "So when my supply's out, I fear I'm, I'm out too, as well." Like, I, I- Yeah I go, "When I sell my last pear," I was giving out pears and potatoes. "When I sell my last pear, I'm out of here." People were coming towards the end, and I was like, "Do you want two bags? Take two. Take them. Take them and I'm out of here." So the shifts are supposed to be, like, not that anybody cares that's listening, first one is unload, second one is you give out, so I was doing both of those. But I was like, I was fighting for my life. And when someone would look at me, I would, like, it brought me physical pain to smile. Like, I c- I couldn't. I just couldn't. I felt so bad for them. Yeah, you couldn't turn it off. I w- it made me feel better because in my head I was like, "I'm coming back here." It's not like I'm like, "This is my one day to shine." You know what I mean? Yeah. I'll be back, so it's fine. Yeah. But I was like, I, "I fear I have to go." Yeah, I can't believe you stayed. I mean, you had to, it was your work thing. Yeah. But like- But I was like- I cannot believe it supplies out, I'm out. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. So I the point is, I got home and John had to peel my clothes off of me- and my shoes. And I was in the shower, and he kept, like, coming in to check, 'cause I was literally in there for so long. I was racking up his water bill. And I kept going, "I'm rotisserie chickening," 'cause I was just- Yeah, you're just rotating rotating. A hot shower changed my life. Oh, and then I was I got, I got... Two Couch was fed, you know. There was a Diet Coke, there was a Replenish, like, hydrating drink, and blue raspberry Sour Patch waiting for me. It was scrumdiddlyumptious. Anyways, then I'm, I'm peacefully resting, and all of a sudden I am awakened. What is that s- tic tac sound that's, like, by some loud, and then I was... Oh, what is that fucking sound? You guys who are listening will know what I'm talking about. And then I was- Oh, yeah ru- what is that? By- I- i- isn't it Abby Lee Miller? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes it is. Um, That's how I felt. I was awakened by a meteor, question mark? Oh my God. You guys, I was peeing. I was peeing, and I heard a- Oh, where were you? ka-boom the entire house shook. Like, my bathroom, the way it's shaped, when you're sitting on the toilet you're in, like, kind of a cubicle. Yeah, which I love. I put my hands on both sides of the wall. And I said out loud, "What the fuck was that?" And then about a mile away, my, one of my best friends lives by me, and she was like, "Did you just hear that?" And no one knew what the fuck was going on, and then it turned out it was a meteor off the coast of The Cape. I thought it was an earthquake. I kept going, like, Freaky Friday style, "Earthquake," you know, and he's, like, across the table. And he's like, "Grandpa, pass the milk." Pauline, you are- And he's like, "Earthquake." So I was awake, and John shoots up. He's like, "A tree just hit the house." I'm like I pl- I, I didn't even flinch. I'm like, "Go deal with that. That's not my problem right now." No, my first thought was, "This is bad," just because, like, it just has n- I've lived in the city for a very long time. I've never heard a sound like that. No, it was weird. That's why I, I was like, "I don't think it was an earthquake. That did not sound like an earthquake." No, it was a shudder. Yeah. It was a kaboom. Kaboom. The boom. And of course, what we d- which I... Men really do this. I don't particularly go on, but I've noticed that men do it. I don't know if it's a sports thing. Loves to check Twitter. Yeah. My best friend's husband did it. Yeah. Like- He's on Twitter. I think because people... It's one of the only thing that's getting actively updated all the time. Oh, right. And the hashtags. So he just searched, like, earthquake. Yeah. If you hashtag something, it pulls all of the tweets about that thing into one place, so it's, like, an easy way to go and- Got it. Yeah. Yeah, he checks Twitter like nobody's business. Aaron does it. Oh, that makes sense. Sports. Yeah. It has to be sports. Yeah, it's gotta be sports-related. Okay, cool. Well, yeah, that happened to me. But anyway, so there was a, a meteor, a sonic boom, if you will. What else is going on with you? Me, that's just only, like, reiterated. It's quite literally we're on a, a floating rock. Yeah. That's correct. Ooh, hurts my brain to think about too much. Okay, so don't. Ugh. Nine years ago today, I met Lisa Vanderpump, and I just have to say that. So happy for you. I have a... You follow The Beer Hall on Instagram, right? Are you talking about the little people thing? No. The, oh, the new people wrestling- There's a little people wrestling match? Oh, yeah. Well, that shit's crazy. Frankie goes all the time, me and his brother. I, I can't. Like, I guess it's crazy. Midget wrestling, and it's allowed to be called that. They call it midget wrestling. Don't fight me. That's what it's advertised as, and that's what they say, so. I simply cannot. Uh, No, I do not follow them on Instagram. They posted and was like this... And it was like, "New, new patio," like popping champagne, whatever. So we're like, "Oh, they opened up a whole new..." Like, it's like, "New roof deck open." We're like, "Oh, what the hell? Is that-" It's just the deck up top? Yeah. So with that, we know about that one. I'm like, "Oh, what did they do? Put one in the back on the roof?" Like, we're not... We... And I didn't say anything, and then John said something, and then I said something after. And I was like, "Wait, so we both thought the same thing." It's not like I just thought that and was, like, just me. And they posted, like, three times about it. And we... So the minute the sun was out on fucking two Sundays ago, we were, like, running to the beer hall, and nothing. It was just their... It was, like, such false advertisement, to the point where the people were like, "Oh, yeah, no, you, you're not the first person to ask us that, actually." Then why did you falsely advertise that you have a new rooftop, roof deck? It's your patio, your patio that you've had- This whole ass time it was so upsetting. We, like, ran. Oh, that's a bummer. Yeah, I was really excited, but- False advertising I girly just love a roof deck. It really gets the people fucking going. Yeah, for real. I haven't really done anything. I went to work. I went to work events. How was the gala, MayDay? Oh, that was good Did Mans have a good time? Yeah, he did. You met Anne. I did meet Anne Michael, and I did meet Drake. And like, but the thing is, it wasn't a gala. Here's the thing. I did go to a gala. That one was for Fallen Heroes. It was actually really emotional, and I really liked it. And they raised a lot of money, so, like, good for them. And it goes to all, like, what they call Gold Star families, so, like, anyone that's ever lost since 9/11, Oh or in 9/11. Amazing. Even if it's in service or, like, not, Incredible they give money back to them. And it was also coincided with that Boston firefighter that passed away. Yeah. So they had someone speak about him too that was there on site, like, at, when he died. Mm. It was really upsetting, but also, like, moving. Really beautiful. Yep. They raised a lot of money. That's all that matters. But on Saturday basically Drake May created a new nonprofit. It works primarily with Boston Children's, but they mostly just give back to children, families in need, is, like, the high-level understanding. So they did a celebrity... It's pr- it's all over Instagram. They posted on, like, the, the Pats page. It's everywhere. If you go on Instagram and follow any form of sports, you've seen it. They did a celebrity softball classic fundraiser. And the night before the fundraiser, it was a Sunday they had, like, a reception for people that gave money, and the company that I work for gave them a lot of money. So they had, like, a... It was really actually very intimate. I don't know, like, I don't know what other word to use other than that. Yeah, it was a- There was, like, 25 people there. 25? Yeah, around there. Like, there was, like, no one in there. There was no one there. So I was like, "Oh." It was, like, legitimately very... I don't know what, what other word to say other than that. No, yeah, you were rubbing shoulders. So they come, they came in, and they were just like, "Thanks so much," you know? And then people were just going up to them in groups and just, like, kiki-ing. So I was like, "All right." So just waited for my time. The poor, both of them... First of all, Drake kept calling her his better half over and over again. It was literally so wholesome and cute, I wanted to die. She's stunning in person. Like, obviously- Mm she's really pretty. She's just very angelic looking. Yeah. Told her I liked her purse, asked her if she liked Boston or not. We kiki-ed. We told her that she should do, she teaches Pilates, I think. I, we said, "You should do a class here on our property," like, a Pilates class and, like, do a... People would be s- selling like hotcakes if you did it here. Oh, 100%. What else did we talk about? We- Did you ask her about bread? Um, No, I didn't. Did not ask her about her bread. We should've swapped recipes. We did not. I kind of blacked out a little bit. I don't really remember everything I said. But we had a girly time. We were giving Drake shit because he's like, "I don't know how to... Like, softball's not my thing." Like, I'm like, "If you have a charity softball game as an NFL athlete- and you do not get a home run, we have a problem." I was like, "No pressure, huh?" And he was like, "You're fucking telling me." And then at one point Drake ran out of the room and he was on his phone, and he was like, "Oh my, my dad and my brothers are here, but they can't get let in because they're, like, in normal clothes." Oh. And we're like, "Oh my God, let him in. Let, let him in." Yeah, yeah, please. And his, his dad, precious gem of a man, wearing, like, an NC State sweatshirt- Oh my God just like, "Hey, how you doing?" Wearing, like, khaki shorts, like, came right up to me. And was, "I'm M- I think he said Mark. I think it's, I think I blacked out 'cause I was like, "Who is this man?" And then I figured it out. He's like, "I'm Mark." And he's made a joke about hitting the g- the tables later or whatever. He was, he was so fucking cute. At the casino? Yeah. And his family was just really wholesome. It was cool. It was a very intimate evening. We had some signed merch. I don't know who trusted me with any of this. I got a call at one point and I was like, "Hello?" It was, like, before I got there. He's like, "Hello, it's the videographer. I'm here." I'm like Great. I d- I'm calling in. Like- I will be right there. Like, I don't... I just am rolling with the punches at this point in time. I don't really know what's going on. And then this guy comes up to me and he's like, "Oh, yeah, I have, I have you as the designated person to pick up all the stuff." I'm like, "What stuff? I d- I don't know." So that's what my every day has been like lately. I'm not really sure what's going on, but I'm just pretending. But it was fun. It was cool. Unique experiences, like can't complain about it. I mean, it sounds really fucking cool. Yeah. Oh, Do you plan on watching Euphoria or no? No. Okay, so I can talk about the e- the, the- The season finale the final episode ever? Yes. Skip ahead if you don't want spoilers. Yeah, I mean, please, if you haven't watched it by now then you're, you're not a real fan. I'm not even, like, obsessed with the show anymore, I just watched it to watch it, but I was so upset. So th- I actually was talking to someone the other day who was like, "I don't even think this season's good, I just wanna know how it ends." Yeah. And they're like- I didn't realize it was the end, and then w- what happened, what happened? I figured out it was, had to be the end. Does Rue fucking die? Rue fucking dies. However, it, the way she dies is upsetting because she technically has been sober this whole season. She has been. And she, the premise of the season is she's working with this guy Alamo. He owns strip clubs, and she's, like, running for him, and then she stops running for him, and then she starts working with the DEA. And I think at some point he kind of figures out that she wor- works with the DEA, but it's, like, not, like, known. Like, Maddy makes a comment being like, "Oh, Rue's crazy. She keeps talking about the DEA." And he's like, "What's she talking about?" Whatever, not the point. She kinda gets out of it, and you know how she has that guy, her, like, her go-to, like, sober coach guy? Mm-hmm. Ali, from like, I think he's in season one and two, I forget. Mm-hmm. She gets out of this whole- Situation situation she's in. In the mix of it, she ends up, like, cutting op- open her hand. She's a little roughed up. So she goes to the hospital, and she's, like, the last scene of her, she's, like, smiling almost as she... And they're like, "Oh, sorry, this probably hurts a little bit." And she's like, 'cause she's not on any medicine 'cause she's sober, so she's like, "It's fine. Doesn't, doesn't bother me." And so she gets her hand sewn up. And she has Percs because, for whatever, so she goes back to Ali's house, and she goes to go to bed, and she takes a Perc. And the guy she worked for knew she was a rat, and it was laced with fentanyl. So she had no id- like, she literally just went to bed. But the last scene is of her, is, like, her going to bed, and she wakes up, and she goes back to her house, and she sees her mom. All, the whole season all she wants is her mom. And it's her calling her mom and leaving voicemail. Her mother will not talk to her. Calling, calling, call- And so she walks into her mom's house, and she's like, "Rue," and they hug, and then it turns into her hugging her dad and, like, gripping him because, like, she hasn't s- like, he died or whatever. She- He died, yeah. Yeah, and it, I was weeping. Like, weeping. I could cry now. It was so sad. And then 'cause I didn't realize she was dying, and all of a sudden she was dead. Mm. And I was like, "What the hell?" And the guy wakes up in the morning and finds her, and he has to call her mom. It's so fucking upsetting. Well, also Nate dies too, but whatever. He's fine. He does? He does. He's basically been taking money from everybody for his business, and he owed a lot of people, so this one guy named, whatever, it doesn't matter what his name is. But the guy he owes has basically been torturing him and Cassie. And he puts him in a grave, or a coffin, and puts him under the ground. And there's on- Alive? Alive, and there's a little hole, and a rattlesnake goes down and gets him. And finally, Cassie gets- He dies via rattlesnake in a coffin? Uh-huh. And Cassie f- works with whoever the fuck, and basically they figure out where he is. They dig him up, and he is, like, deader than dead, and she finds him. So it was, like, not a sad ending for her. Jesus fucking Christ. Her and Maddy together pull him out. Yeah, he's dead. Big time dead. That's really it. But it was really sad. I didn't like that. Yeah, what a bummer. But however, on a positive note, the guy Ali kills the guy um, that she was working for. Okay, so just a lot of death. Lot of death, yeah. But it's, it's like in, like he was like so upset about that because she was like actually doing well and it was like an accident. Yeah. So she went and killed the man that did it to her, so it was all, all was well in the end. And that's it. Wow. Anything else you wanna add? No, that was really it. It just like really upset me and I was kinda pissed about it. Yeah, I don't blame you. I'm glad I did not watch it. Thanks for listening. Well, there wasn't a lot of death until the last episode. Yeah, it sounds like a pretty crazy season in general though, where it was like- It was not bad. Oh, okay. Like you, you would've been able to watch it, is what I mean. It wouldn't have been heavy and like upset you. Do you know what was heavy and upset me that I shouldn't have watched? What'd you watch? The Crash. Oh. First of all, that shit pissed me off. I should know better. I obviously know what it's about. There were a few things I was not prepared for. Which was? I was not expecting the body cam footage at the scene. Oh, that's true, yeah. Was super upsetting to me, obviously. I should've turned it off. I didn't. I'm in a very good mental state, and so I thought it would be fine. Yeah. The second thing I was not expecting was the body cam footage of them telling her parents and their reaction. Oh yeah, I forgot about that. In the hospital. Yeah. Super fucking upsetting. And I wasn't expecting the footage from the street where you see how fucking fast she was going and you hear the car crash. Yeah. Not great. I hope she rots in hell. I hate to get a bitch, I'm just gonna say it. I don't get that passionate about true crime docs unless I love them. I fucking loathe her, and I'm obviously, there's gotta be my own baggage mixed in here at some point, but- No, I think it's just absurd everything, her parents, everything about it- The T-shirt her dad wore in the interview made me sick. It made me sick. People are seriously disgusting. Watching- She disgusts me those boys' families- Mm talk about them, and I, I j- the dad, I, I just can't. I just can't. I, I couldn't. I'm so mad I watched it. I'm so mad at myself for not shutting it off. She's gross. Traumatized, and also fuck that bitch. The, the fucking Prada slipper sent me, the dirty, disgusting Prada slipper sent me into a spiral. Like, that's just the type of person I hate. I also hated- They're crusty and I know, you know, they're young and- Don't care romance is toxic for a lot of people that age. No, she's disgusting. Who treats people like that? When she's like, "You're gonna open the door, bitch." Yeah. Like, who talks to somebody like that? I really fucking hated that. No, she's disgusting, and I blame her parents. Yeah, it was pretty brutal. Like, when her mom i, says, "Oh, he was a new friend," and the judge was like, "So does his life mean less because he was a new friend to your daughter?" Like, I'm hearing a lot about your daughter and not the two boys who were killed. Yeah. Yeah, I really didn't like it her bun sent me into a spiral What the fuck is with the bun? And, like, she thinks she's cute. It's like, "You're disgusting, actually, and you're ugly. Sorry." Also, you just don't remember it? You just don't remember anything? No, she's lying. I can't. Uh, The Truth and Tragedy of Mariah Wilson. And she's like, "I'm trying to just show that I, I meant no intent." Okay. The lawyer's in the room, ma'am. I can see that, thank you. Yeah. Liar. Liar. The Truth and Tragedy of Mariah Wilson is also on Netflix. It's also super upsetting. It is about a girl named Mariah Wilson who was murdered. I do recommend it. It's a really sad story. Her parents are, her brother, the just the sweetest, most wholesome human beings on the planet. I won't tell you what happens because it's, it doesn't go the way you think it's gonna g- Like, there's a lot more to it than what meets the eye, basically. Okay. It's just awful, but what I really like about it is I feel like sometimes with true crime, there's so much focus on the person who did it. Let's hear from them. What's their side of the story? Yeah. That is not what this is. It's about her family and her friends and her, and, like, their version of it. And I just think what's so crazy to me is Mariah Wilson was killed, I believe in 2022 when she was murdered. They have voice notes from her. That's so weird. Like, when Shannon died, I was on a flip phone. So true. So it, it's so crazy to me. Like, they have videos and pictures of her on the morning that she died. Like, 2022 is so few years ago. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. And I just don't know why people think they can commit murder in this day and age with, like, Ring cameras- No way and fucking what do you think you're doing? So at one point, I won't say what happens, but the person shuts their phone off, but they get into a new car. Guess what your car has? Navigation. A GPS, a GPS. It, it knows, it knows where you are. If you... It's not the '90s. You can't go off the grid. Yeah, no. So it's just like they follow where the car... It's just crazy. Crazy. But I do recommend it. Just prepare to be bummed out. And so since I watched two bummer things in a row, I've been re-watching Hacks 'cause the final season is out, and the series finale came out, and I haven't seen it yet. I love it. So funny. Has me giggling. Just really, really good TV. She needs a good giggle. Well, You know what I did watch that's kinda similar, but, like, not... I mean, it's kind of upsetting, I guess. I was watching, I watched R- Worst Roommate Ever. Remember, didn't I do, like, an episode too that was related to that? Mm-hmm. They ha- also have Worst Ex Ever. Mm-hmm. And they came out with a new season, but I've never watched it, so I started watching the first season. It's really good. The guy with the tattoos. Who? The guy with the face tattoos is always what the ad is on Netflix. Oh, yeah. I haven't watched the episode yet, so I'll let you know what that one's about. I'm sure it is horrific. I can only assume So the other night I was invited to a birthday party, and I was with Rosie and Eddie Mm-hmm And they were like, "It's our friend's birthday. You don't know her, but it will be so fun." And I'm like, "Great." And I'm like- Where are we? "Where are we going out?" And they're like, "Revere." And I'm like, "Oh." Oh, what an interesting choice. So, so it started at Mission Beach, I think it's called Mission Beach. It's in the Marriott, and it's facing Revere Beach, and it's actually gorgeous at sunset. So we were there on Saturday, and everyone looked so cute, and the birthday girl was all dressed up. All of her friends were there. It was great. And so after doing very nice cocktails at like the o- with an ocean view, they're like, "We're gonna walk down the street to this bar." So we walk down the street, it's about five minutes. They're like, "We're gonna go to Bill Ash's." And I'm like, "Never heard of it." Oh. I just showed Colleen a photo. Oh. It is- It looks like a strip mall, central type of- It's just- Chinese restaurant or something a bar with a big-ass green awning. We walk in, there are two patrons, two gentlemen sitting at the bar separate from each other, with like, just a glass of dark liquid, and a lovely bartender with about three teeth. And we walk in there- The less teeth, the better the establishment, if you ask me we walked in and they were like, "We are about to essentially take this place over, so sorry in advance," and like, "We promise we'll tip well." Cash only. I was like, "Can I have a Red Bull Vodka?" She was like, "There is no Red Bull." I was like, "I'll have vodka and whatever else you have." Touch Tunes. Ugh. Absolutely feral. The bartender was pussy popping with us. We absolutely overtook Bill Ash's. No notes. And this poor guy, I don't really feel bad for him. No. He was just trying to enjoy his evening, but he kept putting on angsty rock songs that no one else knew from the '80s. Read the room. And we were literally... So you can now, in Touch Tunes, you can pay extra to like move. So we just kept- To the bottom skip, skip songs. It's kind of hard, unless you have a, like a really shitty song, it's like hard to, you know, finagle your way up. You can just get passed along. Yeah. So we, he would go up, and then like six of us would go up after and just be like, up, up, up, up, up. And so, you know, it, I could sense the mood was changing. We were going from like drunk to feral. Like it was, it was reaching a- The air was different the air was different. People started taking shots. I was like, "I'm good with the shots, but what I am gonna do is I'm gonna go to the Touch Tunes and I'm gonna turn this bitch up to 11." And so I played Get Low- Okay Ride With Me by Nelly- That's a good one and like Usher. I just thought you were gonna hit me with like a, "Nicest kids in town" or something. Oh, right into all that, just in the middle of this- I mean Bill Ash's in Revere. Uh, No, and we pussy popped, and we danced the night away, and everyone was smoking cigs outside. Ugh. I haven't used cigarettes in- And it, it was just hilarious. And at one point, someone brought their drinks out- And a guy came out and he goes, "No drinks out here. They'll drive by. They'll pinch you." The cops. Sir, yes, sir. But it was just so funny to start at this, like, beautiful hotel restaurant- You get the best- with like $20 cocktails of all worlds. Dirty martinis with Gray Goose to Bill Ashes. It sounds like a dream. It was great. Honestly, it was fab. Saw Sarah. She says hello. She's the best. She's hi. Yeah, I've... Honestly, I've been so busy. Jenny and Pauline are great. They asked for pizza tomorrow, so I'm gonna bring them some pepperoni Regina's. It's gonna be fab. Okay. I'm gonna be in the Cape this weekend, and next weekend I'm going to Nashville. Pop your pussy at a wedding, right? Yeah, I'm like so excited. It's a wedding, right? Did I make that up? Yeah, I have m- one of my best friends from home, his name is is getting married. he's lived in Nashville for years now. And so the whole squad, almost the whole squad, some of the girls can't go 'cause they have children, like 45 of them, so. That's crazy. But, like, I never, I never get to really see my guy friends anymore. Yeah. The girls get together all the time, so to have- It's different. It's just different. It's just different, and so for everyone to be in Nashville together, like we've never done a big group trip outside of the cabin. Yeah. So to all be in Nashville, it's gonna be so much fun. Woo. And I'm flying in a day early, and I'm just gonna go out to dinner, and I think I'm gonna bop around and like listen to some live music. You should. Not anything like cr- I don't wanna go crazy 'cause we have a welcome event and we have the wedding. You don't wanna go crazy at Kid Rocks? Oh yeah, me, myself, and I just pop in my puss- You can find a friend there, hon at Kid's Rock on a Wednesday. For sure. Oh, no, it's not about not being able to find friends. I'd make a friend with a hole in the wall. You know me. But it's more of just like I wanna save myself. Oh. I'm not gonna get crazy on the first night when I have a big weekend ahead, you know? Yeah. But yeah, I think I'm just gonna like bop around and, I don't know, it's a fucking Wednesday in Nashville. I'm gonna find something to do. Yeah, 100%. There's always something. There's always something. And then I fly home on Saturday because Sunday is the Bunker Hill parade. Thoughts and prayers. So I will be in a state. A state of despair, a state of joy. Somewhere in the middle. Somewhere. How hot is it gonna be in Nashville in June? That's actually a great question. Probably hot as balls. I'm actually wearing a blue dress I wore to my best friend Jesse's wedding, and I'm wearing it because I was gonna wear the yellow one, but if I sweat at all... You think? I disagree. I... No. Okay, Nashville right now is low 80s Also, why the fuck does Mother Nature hate us in Boston? I know, it's like- What the fuck is going on? It's such bullshit. 48 degrees on a Saturday, raining sideways on May 30th. It's a no from me. Okay, Miss Girl All right, it's a Colleen story this week, everybody. Buckle up. No, you're fine. There's no death. There's no despair. There's no... It actually is kind of more you if me, than me. But- Oh, wow but it's more like I wanted to know about this, and I was just, like, confused. So I was like, "Oh, let me just, like, Google that and, like, ask Chad a little bit," you know? Okay, I love that. We're gonna talk about America's first great mystery, but it was before, kind of before it was America, though. Okay. It was, like, colony style. Okay. We're gonna talk about the Lost Colony of Roanoke. Oh, okay, US history. Yeah, I was like, "Okay, Spain's popping off, you know, Great Britain's doing some bullshit," and like, what's going on? Like, what... Oh, because you know what happened? This is the spiral in case you want to know my thought process. I was looking up the town of, I think it's Potluck. Potluck. Potluck, Alaska. It's basically, like, some abandoned town that everyone's like, "Where the fuck did everybody go?" But there's like five theories about it. Some people think the Bigfoot draw them out and, like, the rest of the reason why they're not there, that big bears took over. There's so many different things. It's very spooky, very creepy- Oh, on Earth very meh. But I was like, "You know what? I'm not gonna do that to her." So then instead, I landed upon a suggested for you. Okay. Well, you, you are more than welcome to, to hit up Potluck, Alaska, and let us know how that goes. I will. I almost did a twofer, but then I was like, "Nah, I won't do that." So maybe just, like, save it for a rainy day, you know? Okay. All right, cool. The year is 1587, which is crazy. Wooden wheel city. Yep. Understood. The average pers- For context, if you're like me, the average person has never seen a map of the world. Most people- Right will never travel farther than a few miles from where they were born- Right at this current state in time. My nightmare. Shakespeare is writing plays. Yeah. The US does not exist. No. George Washington won't be born for another 145 fucking years. Oh my God. And across the Atlantic, a struggle for world dominance is underway, and at the center of that is England. And at the center of England is Queen Elizabeth I, specifically the first. Mm-hmm. I don't know how many there have been over time. I have no idea. Hmm. And now these days, we think of that bitch as, like, a successful ruler, but in the late 1500s, England was, like, not that cool. Actually, Spain was the baddie of the situation. Right. Spain, at the time, controls all the territories across the Americas. In Spanish, the Spanish carry a bunch of treasure ships back, return to Europe from the Americas, like, with wealth, knick-knacks, a bunch of random shit that they stole and brought back to España. So gold, silver, resources, wood, whatever the fu- people, power, whatever the fuck. So England sees this, and they're like, "What the fuck? I'm greedy, too. I want that shit." Right. "Let me in on that. How can I get on in on it?" Right. And so if England really wants to compete with Spain in the capacity that they want to, they realize, "I'm gonna need some colonies." Yeah. Some colonies. You need some land. Some towns, some cities. Some cities, honey. They're talking permanent- Yeah permanent settlements. Okay Okay. They're finna get in the New World. So one of the men entrusted with that dream is this guy, Sir Walter Raleigh. Oh. Walter is a baddie. He's an explorer, he's a soldier, he's a favorite in the courts, and perhaps one of the most ambitious men in England. He was a man of the people, the people's prince. Okay. He was granted permission by Queen Elizabeth herself to establish a colony in North America. Imagine someone looking at you and being like, "Yeah, you can run that bitch." I'd be like, "Okay, thanks." Be pretty crazy. Right? Yeah. It's like we talked earlier about being on, like juries, like that's like a trusted task, pretty similar, and I'd be like, "No. Guilty." Oh yeah, we were watching why Alec Murdaugh's conviction got overturned. Fuck Becky Hill. Becky. Fuck that bitch. Becky does not have the good hair, I'll tell ya. No. She was... She got a taste of what it's like to be on a big-ass trial, and she was trying to run with it. No she was. And she fucking r- Ugh, I just hate... I hate it. I hate it. This is why we can't have nice things. This is why we can't have nice things. And it's Becky's fucking fault with her loser-y haircut. Anyways, back to Sir Walter, to Walt. He says, "Thanks, Queen Elizabeth, off I go," and he chooses a location off of the coast of what is now North Carolina, and that was Roanoke Island. Lovely. Today it seems pretty insignificant, it's not really that cool, but at the time it was like, England was like, "This is our fucking future." "This is it, Walter. No pressure." Immediately things go wrong. Oh, of course. They, like do get there, I think, and they like touch ground a little bit, but they like really struggle. There's, of course, food shortages and disease, dysentery probably. Famine. A lot of conflict. They're like, "Fuck, we poor... We planned this extremely poorly." They're feeling very discouraged. They're like, "This might not be for us." So- No one was prepared no, no one was prepared. For anything. No. The people were quaking. They were like, "I'm just gonna hop on this boat and say see you, and just see what happens." And then people were fucking dying, and they're like- And they're all of a sudden like, "Smallpox" yeah, it's like, "LOL, JK, this isn't for me." So Walt is like, "We're not quitting. I didn't raise no quitters." So he launches another attempt in 1587. This one was a little different. Instead of soldiers and fortune seekers, he sends families. So men, women, children, people who want like a whole-ass new home and a permanent life. Like American dream before it was the American dream. Yeah. So 117 settlers board ships bound for Roanoke. Among them is a man named John White, like of course, most basic- Naturally name on the planet. And among them is his pregnant daughter, Eleanor Dare. Imagine getting on a boat for 40 days and 40 nights, or however the fucking long it was, as a pregnant person. No. Literally, no. Actually, no, it was months. Months crossing an ocean. No GPS, no ChatGPT, no DoorDash. No- None of the good things no weather forecast. In life. They're like going like this with their thumbs, like- And like putting it in the sky No one does it to their thumb. Or whatever, their fucking piggy finger. I don't know, whatever people do with the air, and they're like, "Oh, wind's in the east." Like- I don't know good Lord, she just licked her thumb and put it in the air. Whenever someone talks about like weather forecasting, all I think about is The Proposal when she's like, "Did the sweat drip down my back?" You know, Beyonce. Yeah, I think of Karen saying, "There's a 30% chance it's already raining." That's fair. Karen Smith. There was no new cha- news channel five. There was no Karen Smith predicting the weather. Just a tiny little wooden ship carrying people towards a continent that people barely understand and have barely touched, so- Mm-hmm they're crossing into the unknown, and they know it. Shortly after arriving, Eleanor, baddie, gives birth. Eleanor, dear. Yeah, she births... I love that name. She births in the great outdoors, and the child's name is Virginia, and she becomes the first English baby born in the Americas. Wow. The colony is- She comes out, she's like, "Hawaii, yeah." Imagine. I mean- Oh, well it's Roanoke. It's not Plymouth, but you know what I mean. Still, maybe a different font. Maybe a different font. Italicized. Yeah. Just a little, maybe a little underline as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The colony is quaking, and they're celebrating this baby because to them she is like hope. Like, okay, yeah, but also at the same time, like she was created over yonder. Just because she birthed over here, like that's just wh- it's the inevitable. Right. Like, but sure, let's be hopeful. You know? Let's bring a fetus into this unknown land. Anyways so they're like, "Oh, perhaps this is a dream." Like it's finally becoming real for England, like fuck Spain, but the dream does begin to unravel a little bit. They're in the trenches. They really are. Yeah. There's no food, spoiler alert. Oh, God. Relations with some of the groups that are already living there are tense. Yeah. You think? We, we won't go down that road, okay? We just won't do it, but just know the colonists are not doing well. So the settlers, they make a request They ask John White, "Can you please go back to England and help us?" Like, go get reinforcements- Yeah, we- Or go get food like, "We cannot do this. You must go back and get... 'cause you're the only one that can navigate." Oh, yeah. "So you gotta go back." Yeah. "It's- so let's circle back on this, please." Right. And they think you can convince investors, officials- Right other people of importance to help. Get us some resources. Yeah, share supplies. Yeah. For a friend. It's almost like if we just worked with the people who already lived here and, and learned from them on how to grow food. We'll get there. Great. White's like, "Eh, maybe not." Mm, better no. Well, he'd be leaving his daughter and his new bébé, Virginia, behind too as well. So that'd be his granddaughter. There's no alternative though. They're like, "So we have no other options." Yeah, we're gonna all die here, so. And he's like, "Okay, bye." So he believes that he'll return in a few short months. Right. Instead, disaster strikes, not in America, but in Europe. Okay. England is prepped for war. Things have taken a turn since they hopped on the boat. Yeah. The Spanish Armada's coming, which is, at that time, the most powerful force on Earth. Mm-hmm. They threaten invasion. They're being wicked fucking dramatic and annoying. Ships are seized. Ports are locked down. Hide your kids. Hide your wives. They locking down everybody. Resources are diverted. They can get nothing anywhere. It's all a lockdown. The survival of England itself becomes the priority instead of the baddies across the pond. People kinda forget that they're there. Oh. John doesn't forget, but he is trapped. He cannot return. Not for months, not for a year, for over three years. Oh, no. Johnny boy. So three years knowing that his family is stranded across the ocean. And he, all he can do is wonder if they're alive because you can't call, text, tweet, Instagram. We're not, like, keeping up online. And so finally, in 1590, he secures passage. I don't know what happens. I didn't look into like, oh, did we go to war? Did we win? Did they unlock the ports? I don't know why, but he can go now. Great. He sails west. Here I go, off to find my family, closer to home, and that's what he hopes. He hopes, he's like, "All right. I'm headed home, the fam's there." And as his ship approaches Roanoke, he scans the shoreline, and he expects to see smoke, people dancing, people living, movement, signs of life, and he sees absolutely nothing. Nothing. And it's pin-drop silent. That's not great. The settlement is completely deserted. The houses are gone, not burned, not destroyed. Deserted, though. Just deserted. Like, they're standing, but no one's there. Correct. The people are gone. Every single colonist has vanished, 117 people have vanished into the blue. Okay. Out of the blue, I should say. He immediately begins searching. His... He fears the worst. Okay, there was an attack, a massacre, disease took these bitches out. They starved to death. Yeah. Yeah. Literally anything, but the evidence doesn't fit. There are no bodies. There's no graves. There's no sign of violence or panic. It just looks like they got up and left intentionally. I think I can speak for everyone when I say aliens. No, yeah. The theories are crazy. Not crazy, logical actually, I should say. Ah, get our tinfoil hats out. I picture us on the couch specifically being like, "Doo, doo, doo." Maybe that's what we do for our four-year. We're better than that. We do an alien episode. We don't sit here in tinfoil hats. We could. But we shouldn't. Shouldn't we? We're stronger than that. I don't know. I'm, I'm above a tinfoil hat, and I will say that with my whole pussy. No, you are fucking not. Okay, well, at least you are But our dear friend, John White, he discovers a clue, and it's carved into a wooden post, and it is the word Croatoan. And on another tree is just C-R-O. Nothing else, no explanation, no notes, no maps, no sticky notes, not a word. And that's where the mystery begins, because no one, even to this day, can agree what, what happened next. Mind you, this is the time where people are writing all that shit down. Like, hello, the Bible? People would just be writing shit- left and right. So what, you just didn't wanna leave a note, a common note, a little letter? Well, who even knows how long they were gone f- like, who... So that, that's it. No one has ever heard from them ever again. No. They're just gone. There's nothing. Of the 117 people? That's correct. But I have some theories. Okay. I'll list you, like, five different theories, okay? Okay. Theory one is that they joined the actual Croatoan, and that's the leading theory amongst historians. The Croatoans were a group of Native Americans that were living on a nearby island, at, the Hatteras Island, right next door. Okay. Next to... So hop, hop, skip, and a jump. Okay. Okay? They were nearby. Local tribe. Yep. Yep. Before John had left, the colonists had agreed on a system in that if they re- like, they had a conversation about it. If they relocated voluntarily, they would leave a message, and if they were in danger, they would carve a cross. On the tree Okay. So they did agree to that. Yes, but they, there was no cross and there was no note. It was- So maybe that was the message only that Croatoan on the, on the, on the tree. Right. And to many historians, that message is very straightforward, and it's that the colonists relocated, simple as that. Right. Even more interesting are reports from later English explorers that claim that they encountered a lot of Native Americans with unusual features like gray eyes, European characteristics, knowledge of English customs. Oh, it's almost like people be bangin'. Yeah, it's giving. It's giving banging. There was a lot of reports of tribes possessing objects that were linked to Europeans that they shouldn't have had unless otherwise. So could they have integrated? For sure. Could they have mar- marinated... Oh my God, I meant to say married. Married, marinated, if you will, into local communities that were already there? Could they have raised families under the radar? It's totally possible. Another theory is that they moved inland because there was a bunch of archaeologists that, like, found a bunch of shit way far inland. A bunch of shit, like fossils? Like, what do you- Tools, pottery, whatever the fuck they were doing. Oh, okay. Cool. Nothing- No, they didn't just, like, move inland and then die and lay there. They had, like, tools and shit. Artifacts, if that's the, the... That's the term. Did I ever tell you about the time that I told myself that I was gonna be a forensic anthropologist for, like, a week in college? No. I woke up one- I think we skipped over that one I took an archeology class, and I was like, "I will be a forensic anthropologist." It lasted, like, two weeks, then I was over it. Hyper-fixation. Oh my God, she... colleen tagged me in this thing the other day, and it's a woman who used to work with the group trying to find Cleopatra, and she's like, "Guys, no one's gonna fucking find her body." No, just FYI. Just FYI, it's never gonna happen. And it was just real- It, it's, it was really good, I promise. I don't know why I just said that, but- No, it was good. It was very Educational. Yeah. She was like, "I was part of that group. I worked with Dr. Martinez. Like, she's super capable. It's never gonna happen." Interesting. Cleopatra was too smart to leave her body hanging about for people to defile. She knew what would happen, so she took matters into her own hands, and we will ne- he- ever find it, which is such a bummer. That is... That's true. But I'm glad we have some insider scoop. Yeah, that's true. People are, like, coming about with, like... it's like a different point of view. Like, everyone else is like, "We want fun, huh?" Yeah, I like- Be the little realist in the group. Yeah, I like someone who's just realistic and being like, "It, it's just never gonna happen." It's just refreshing. Yeah. Like, thank you, Miss Girl. Thank you so much. So these archeologists are finding shit, like way inland, way further than they thought they would. And so researchers believe that some colonists may have just split into smaller groups. Like they all like put their hands in and were like, "Okay, one, two, three, go," and they just kind of spread- The short straw? Yeah, like essentially. Like, "You're going right, you're going left, and you're going straight, and you're going west, northeast. I don't fucking know." So they split into smaller groups instead of remaining together. That's why no one's ever like been like, "They went one place," 'cause they never went one place. They went and dispersed across and scattered, and that would explain why no single settlement. It's not like they like picked up and were like, "This is now Roanoke 2.0," you know? They just dispersed. Mm-hmm. Theory number three is starvation. So as we know, 'cause we've talked about it and you've informed me, that life in colonial America wasn't for me. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm so Lord of the Flies situation, a failed harvest. Everyone could've been fighting and dying at the same time. Right. Dysentery. And maybe some people died, some people lived, and then they scattered because they're looking for help and looking for food, and they disappeared. That's an option. Another theory is massacre, and so some people believe that the colony was attacked either by other groups that already lived there or Spanish forces, because Spain viewed the English colonies as a threat. So like, "Oh, you think you're gonna go and take this colony? No you're not. We're gonna come in and kill you and we're gonna take it ourselves." However, there's no- There's no bodies. Correct. There's no bodies. There's no evidence. They never took... That land has been uninhabited ever since, so it's not like Spain took it over, you know? Hmm. No battlefield, no nothing. Another theory is that the Spanish did it, and this gets kind of spicy because, again, Spain hated England. And- Right Spanish records show active efforts to locate English settlements. Some speculate that Spanish forces discovered Roanoke and destroyed it, like I mentioned, but historians have found no convincing evidence, and the Spanish were meticulous record keepers. Like I said, there's no fucking writing. No one kept any notes. Mm-hmm. Where's the T? Yeah. Where, where's the- Where timeline. Receipts. Receipts, thank you. I can't think- Proof with my brain. Proof, timeline. Screenshots. Like you'd think someone, if you came in and you took over a whole ass colony, there would be some bragging Yeah, I feel like the Spanish would happily take credit for taking out an English settlement- Correct and being like, "Woo, we took care of all these motherfuckers." Yeah, that doesn't feel a- the most accurate. Not a peep. Now there's conspiracy theories because- Let's go every mystery attracts the weirdos. We got aliens, we got time portals, we got witches, we got ancient curses, underground civilizations. Can I just ask you? What? Did they check that tribe? Like, isn't it on a neighboring island, didn't you say? Yeah, but they kinda just, like, left them be. They weren't gonna be like, "You got any English hanging out, about?" I don't know why, but- No one was like, "Hey, you s- you seen anybody?" "You got a kid? She's about three years old." At this point, she'd be- "She has a thick Southern accent." No. I, I mean, I'm assuming, like, he probably looked, but, like, nothing was found. I would assume, right? Yeah. You know, I wouldn't just be like, "Oh, no one's here. Gotta go home." You go up to the tribe. "Let me get back on the boat." Yeah, like, I wanna know what else was done, or did he just... I don't know, at that point. I don't know. No record of it, unless he came home and, like, told a few people what he did. I don't really know. Dang. Yep. But there's no evidence of any of this weird shit, you know? Yeah. There is one legend of importance is the Virginia legend Okay the Bebe, the symbol of the colony. 'Cause no one knows what happens to her. American folklore, folklore, fork. American folklore eventually transferred her over to a legend, and stories claim that she did survive, and she became a Native princess, while others claim she was transformed into a white deer by a spirit. Oh. Entire books are written about her. Oh. Plays have been performed, and generations became obsessed with finding an end to her story. I think it's just, like, the unknown that, like, you can kinda spiral and create, like, a fake narrative and also, like- Yeah whatever. But what most historians believe today, so to make it less dramatic, which is so boring, and somehow more heartbreaking, is they believe that the colonists survived for a period of time, and rather than dying suddenly, they probably slowly died, where- whereas others relocated. Some joined the Croatoan, some moved inland, and some intermarried with other communities other than the Croatoan. Yeah. Their descendants may have lived for generations without realizing that they were carrying one of the history's greatest mysteries in their family tree without a singular clue. Mm. The colony wasn't lost. It simply was absorbed. Yeah, just dispersed. That's what makes it so fascinating. It's not, like, supernatural in any way. It's not, like, me talking about Bigfoot, which I easily could for, like, two hours. Um, It's not, like, an unsolved legend of any sorts. Mm-hmm. But I asked chat for this one, to give me a little, like, closing. She's so good at this. She said, "When people hear the story of Roanoke, they focus on the disappearance, but that's not really the mystery. The mystery is that 117 people may have survived, built lives, raised children, grew old, and somehow vanished from history anyway. Not because they disappeared, but because nobody was left to tell their story, and 400 years later, we're still trying to finish the last chapter they never got to write. What do you believe?" Chat. Isn't that so spooky? So poetic. Yeah. I don't know. I just think that those bitches wrote everything down. I really do I just feel like if I was that hungry, I would be like, "What tribe will take me?" No, yeah. I, I can't grow corn. Thankfully, we've never gotten to such desperate measures. However, I just think that, like, people do crazy fucking things. Oh my God, this just reminded me. Tell me. I watched that movie with Dylan O'Brien and Jennifer Garner. The one on the deserted island. Rachel McAdams. What did I say, Rachel Gardner? You said Jennifer Garner. Who's that? Oh, my God. 13 Going on 30? Jennifer Garner, sweet angel, used to be married to Ben Affleck. Dude, I'm not okay. Rachel McAdams, yes, I knew that. However, it was horrible. No. It was seriously fucking horrible. No. It had an okay ending. It was, it was so... It was like, they didn't have enough money. It was crazy. I was like, "Who produced this?" Really? Yeah, and it's so cra- 'cause it's the two of them. You would think it would be fucking phenomenal- Right or at least, like, something to write home about. I had such high hopes. Me, John, and Fiona were cackling- Oh, no at how ridiculous it was. The ending, like, it was, like, a good ending, though. I'll give you that. Yeah. And I know you, how you feel about an ending. Mm-hmm. I would still watch it, but, like, go into it with, like, they had no funding. How does... Rachel McAdams doesn't really do a lot of projects anymore, so anytime I see her on one, I'm like Oh, they must have paid a pretty penny," or like, "The script must be amazing, 'cause she would never agree to this otherwise." Nope. Not the case. They both can do better than that. That's correct. So I was shook. Shooketh. Send, send help, I think it's called. Send Help. Yeah. Yeah, that's what it's called. How do they get stranded to begin with? 'Cause they're coworkers, right? Yes, they're on a plane to Bangkok and they bring her because she's so smart, even though they hate her and make fun of her the whole time. Oh. Yeah, and she, like, has a Survivor home video that she, like, sent in to get on the show, and they're, like, playing it on the plane when it's, like, going down. Mm-hmm. And they're, like, making fun of her, which is, like, so losery and stupid, and she's, like, in the back like, "Mm, I'm so sad. I'm, you know." And then they- "I'm shy" are actually in Survivor all of a sudden. Yeah, and then all of a sudden now, like, they, the plane cracks open. It's kinda ridiculous. Also, there's no way they would've survived that, but it's fine. Any other feedback for the producers of this crew? At the beginning, the beginning, her intro is, like, they play her to be, like, this, like, grubby woman who's, like, middle-aged and, like, a loser. Like, she's just, like, "How y'all doing?" And she's Rachel McAdams. Yeah, and she's Rachel McAdams, and she's wearing, like, these ugly fucking mules and just does it... Is wicked greasy and ugly, and she eats tuna sandwiches. And, like, at one point he- she meets her new boss, and she, like, has tuna on her face. It's disgusting. No way. No, it's so gross. It brings me such physical pain. And he finds it on his hand, like, 20 minutes later, and was like, "What is that? Fire her." Like, yeah. What was it on? HBO Max, I believe. Okay. Yeah. I think I'm gonna watch it just to have a good giggle. Yeah. It's really not, like, a waste of a watch, but I was, I was shocked. Okay, so go in with the right expectations. Correct. Yeah. Duly noted. Yeah. I think there's a reason it was so quickly on streaming services. And that is it Anything else coming up? What do you got? Nothing. What do I have this weekend? I have something. Oh, I'm going to New York this weekend. You are? Yeah. I'm going to the Red Sox Yankee game. Oh my God, that'll be so fun. Yeah. It's gonna be really hot. It's the first nice weekend, and I will be in New York. It'll be sunny. It's not gonna be nice out. It's gonna be like 85 and sunny there. Oh, there. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I just wanna be in the sun. I wanna go to the beach. I wanna feel alive again. I was gonna say, it's gonna rain here all weekend. But sure, put me in the sweaty concrete jungle. Anywho. Concrete jungle- Where dreams- Where dreams are made of are made of. Is it just you and Mance? No, his friends. He has a couple friend... They go like once a year. Actually, the first weekend, the day he asked me to date was his last New York trip, and it was when he was shit-faced, and I picked him up from the train from New York. Mm-hmm. And then we went out, and then we got home, and he was being a weirdo, and he was like, "Wanna date?" kind of. Like, he used a different verbiage. I just, like, can't say those words, 'cause it brings me physical pain. But then I said, We'll talk about this tomorrow," because he was literally, like, shit-faced. Yeah, you were like- So now I'm- "Maybe, maybe not right now." Now I'm going on that trip with them. Which brings us to today. Which also, they, like, literally can't be trusted. I think I... Well, they are taking the train there while I'm working on Friday, and I'm gonna drive up. Mm-hmm. And I was like, "We're down, up." Down. Down. I'm gonna drive down. Canada and back. And I was like, "Your only job is to stay alive until I get there, or else it won't be pretty for you, is-" Right my, my, my story. Right. So we'll see how that goes. I'll circle back on that. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 'Cause it's a little exciting, 'cause all I can think about is the train home. And they were in rare form. Right The men. Right. So. But- But you're driving them home. Yep. Yeah, so it's gonna be different. John's driving them home. I'm not driving. No, but you know what I mean? It's different when you're on a train and you don't have to drive, and there's a bar cart. Like, it's a different- Yeah, that's true vibe than when you are in charge. There's also a lot more girls in the picture now. Yeah. So, like, to be tamed. Different, different vibes. Yep, tame the men. Tamed. Somebody's got to. Tame the fucking men. And then the weekend after that, I have a bachelorette in Florida. What part of Florida are you going to? Clearwater, so next to St. Pete- Oh, nice Tom. How is Rich? How is Rich? Rich. That's gonna be so fun. I'm planning a murder mystery party. And it's White Lotus theme. And I'm the director of the, like, the... not g- not the cruise director, but, like, the- Y- yeah events person. Y- oh my God, Colleen. That is gonna be so much fucking fun. The murder mystery party wasn't my idea, but, like, I was like, "I got this." I'm on it, yeah. I'm on it. Check your teas on it. Are you... Oh, I was gonna say, are you gonna do it? Like, are you hiring a, a thing, or you're just gonna- Oh, no organize the whole thing? I think everyone's gonna get a role, and I'm gonna tell them- Oh when to say what or, like, they know their own secret, and then... But they have to, like, give me something. I'm like, "You gotta stir the pot a little bit, or else I'm gonna be walking around being like, 'Liar,'" you know? To, like, get people to figure out who the, the murderer is. I... They gotta give me something. I'll let you know how they perform. Oh, I can't wait for the theatrics of it all. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Okay, so we have some fun things planned. Yeah. Okay, I'm gonna need more life. Yeah. I'm gonna, I'm gonna need some enthusiasm. Yeah, we'll circle back. Well, no, we'll circle back. Like, I- I don't have a free fucking weekend until July 11th, okay? I know. I don't wanna hear it. We know. We know. Okay? Until... Here's this. We'll cir- you'll find me on a happy, happy day. Once you find me, and I've sat in the sun for at least a day with no one bothering me for one day, and maybe touch a body of water, that is when I will find peace. Do not talk to me until then. That's how I feel. Okay. And I mean that with a smile. Yeah. No, I totally get it. I totally get it. I crave and long for the day. I might get a spray tan next week. You should, just to feel something. No, just because I don't wanna be so pale for the wedding. You're not pale. But there's a pool, and I wanna swim in the pool. You're not pal- you're not pale right now. You don't think so? No. I've seen you paler. Sorry. You've looked, you've looked uglier. Thank you so much. I, I feel- You're welcome so pale. Yeah. So I was thinking maybe for the, the wedding, going to get, going a little spray tan. Little spray tan. Well, 'cause I was gonna try to do it myself at home, and I was like, "I just don't want to." It's like, for especially for events, just fucking get one. Yeah, yeah. Even it, make it even. You know what I mean? Make it nice, make it even. Then I was gonna do a little, some little press-ons, bought some new shoes, re-wearing a dress. I wanna put on. My my my my my boogie shoes. Painty the night away. Just a-boogie with you. Painty- All right, everyone, I hope you find peace. I feel like we say that every time, but I hope you find yourself- Love you, mean it with a UV index of 10 on a beach where no one's bothering you, where you're near a body of water, and hopefully have a sub- a soda or beverage of your choosing, and a crispy, crispy chip. Amen. No nuts. And sooner rather than later, because fuck this weather. No, agreed. If it rains one more time, someone's gonna die. No, we're gonna do a rain dance. No more. Okay. We've, we've had enough. You have a nice space in your backyard, let's, let's do it. Okay, done. We'll have a little seance rain dance? Yeah. What if we do it when it's torrential downpouring, so you're like, "Hey, I hear you, love you, make it go away"? Rain on me. I may be wet, but at least I'm alive. Rain on me. Rain, rain... Okay, sounds good. Rain on me. All right. Love you, mean it. Love you, mean it. Goodbye. Goodbye. Good day. Good day, and lover.

Speaker 1:03:12

the Shannon's. for sippin with the Shannon's.

Speaker 9 1:03:18

podcast was produced by me, Bridget Shannon. Music is written and performed by Matt Derosiers. You can find his band, Super Stoker, anywhere you listen to music.